I am Swiss. HELP! (chapter 1 and 2)

I am Swiss. Help!

Introduction

Switzerland…. Have you heard of Switzerland? What comes to mind? Clean, safe, smart, excellent, polite, beautiful….Forgive me while I puke….just writing these positive qualities for such a country that I know oh too well, makes me wanna throw up. All around the world, you will hear things like “Switzerland is a beautiful country”, “Switzerland is a very safe place”, “Switzerland is so clean”. The publicity around this fake country is huge. The money the Swiss Tourism industry along with the banks, spend on selling the product ” Switzerland” is astronomical. How long can you sell a bad product? As long as no one says it’s bad! Well, I say, Let’s set the clock right! The lie can’t go on ! It’s all wrong! So many people have been fooled! The Swiss have spent zillions marketing their great image. How long can you promote a rotten apple with a shiny coating?

The rich can’t complain about Switzerland, taxes are lower for them than for the middle class or the poor. The rich also have the police force on their side, meaning they can get away with anything. So they’re set. They have the tools to overlook the filthy human traits that the Swiss possess. The Swiss working poor gets pretty good salaries for whatever job they’re doing, jobs that don’t require any education, which makes these people not complain too much either and stay quiet. The poor foreigners, the ones who immigrated to make more money than in their own country, they’ll complain among each other but at the end of the day they shut their mouth because their salary is bigger in Switzerhell than back home and they’re meticulously planning their retirement in their home lands. Really, who has the time and motivation to tell the world about a rotten country like Switzerland, which, despite all its deep ugliness, gives certain groups of people some benefits to keep them satisfied? Who will take the risk to dig deeper, compare and speak out while risking their life? Switzerhell is the home of the biggest mafias and organized crime of the world. It’s their safe haven, where they’ve got deals with the banks and the government. These last two don’t always agree. They each make their rules but they know to get along for the benefit of the huge scams that they both are the creators of, and insist on being on the same side when their country , or should I say their criminal paradise, is under attack. The country as a whole sells, both inside and outside its borders, a high level of morality, which is present absolutely nowhere in society, except in books and in speeches. The Swiss put themselves on a pedestal morally. It is the biggest mass lie I have ever heard. By mass, I mean the government plus the whole population adheres to that lie. The Swiss are the kind of people to tell you with a straight face and on a high horse, that they never steal anything ever, and have never stolen, because it is against their principles, and as soon as you’re gone, they will steal something from you. It’s not even that they’re good liers, witty or “rusé”, it’s that they have learned to say certain things. It seems everything that ever comes out of their mouths is learned because all across the country, they are having the same conversations, all the time. Diversity in speech doesn’t exist. Unfortunately for them, diversity of the mind seems to be stuck at the speech level as well. Their minds don’t stretch out very far. They will learn and memorize stuff for their jobs, but the only creative stretch you will see in a Swiss is in the viciousness of destroying her or his neighbor’s life. Along with making money, those are the Swiss’ accomplishments in life. Salaries are high. A Swiss, with her or his qualifications and skills could never make half as much money in any country in the world. Education is good. Schools are of good quality. The Swiss are all educated, even if they don’t go to university. So how come they all act like ghetto trash? They have knowledge. They just don’t know how to use it, except to criticize, look down on and destroy people in their vicinity. They don’t only hurt others to get ahead, but they especially step on others whenever they can to show that they can. Switzerland is all about the image, and showing others that they are stronger is important. Swiss education is not big on human interaction so psychologically, the Swiss are weak. It’s the realizing of that, that creates the frustration in them that in turn creates this hatred for others. Still, with all the knowledge they get through their education , plus the ressources that they have access to, they should grow as a people. Instead, they have been regressing year after year. The low-class immigrants who settle down in Switzerland have more logic, are quicker thinker, better social actors. It drives the Swiss nuts so they insist that they are better than these foreigners because they had better schooling and know how to clean better, which is not always the case when you see thousands of professional housecleaners coming from Portugal and Spain. The Swiss say they are the cleanest and the best at everything. The sad thing is most of them really believe it. Certain towns are kept clean, for the world to see… Most Swiss keep the outside of their homes very clean for others to see. They clean inside when they have visitors. Politely force yourself into a Swiss home when they didn’t expect anyone, you’ll see how dirty it is, and when I mean dirty, I mean full of disease. When you are expected, their homes are so clean you could eat off the floor, often in every room. The stench of the amount of chemical products they used to clean the place, intoxicates your lungs more than any super smoky home you could ever visit. God knows that they are plenty of those. They have just passed the laws about the prohibition to smoke in restaurants, bars and most public places. So people stay home to smoke now. And if you go to smoker’s house, whether it is in the winter when the Swiss don’t open windows to save on heat, or in the summer when it’s warm, it is drastic. When it smells like cleaning products, the Swiss interpret it as clean and fresh.. The Swiss are now buying all the perfuming aerosols that Americans used to spray inside their house 30 years ago. Now they know that it is unsafe for their health. Switzerland is always about 40 years back when it comes to health habits and social behavior. I still hear many people in the world saying that Switzerland still has fresh unaltered produce. What these people don’t know is that it is because the Swiss haven’t figured out how to do anything else. But as I write this, they are copying more and more processed foods, and adding more and more junk in food that they didn’t know existed. They too want to make more money while producing cheaper food! They’re learning slowly but surely. The Swiss always learn how to spread evil, scams and disease-full spirit. They are slow at learning, that’s a fact even they admit to, on a good sunny day!

Swiss people pry, that’s a given. They pry into other people’s business, not to be curious like village people all over the world, but to have control over other people’s lives. They need to know more about their neighbors than their neighbors knows about them. They pry because they’re scared, and knowing more about others gives them the illusion that they’re in power. They don’t really care about what others are doing in the sense that if others are doing things differently than them, it is automatically wrong. They don’t yearn to learn. They will only make the effort to pry to “protect themselves”, or so they think. Fear is all around them. They feel it deep inside. They are a very scared people. They need to overpower others to feel some security. They can only do that in small or discreet ways, most of the times. They don’t have the brains to do it openly.

Well Switzerland could have a worse enemy than me, and that would be for the world to know the truth about its core and the things that really go on, on an everyday basis. The Swiss have survived because of their discretion which really means hidden facts and hypocrisy on every possible level and subject. I am Swiss or so my passport says, so I know the people, have lived in Switzerland as a child and as an adult, for almost all my life my life ( I have been lucky enough to live in other places that have opened my eyes) , so I know a lot about Switzerland. I don’t know everything, but I have learned more than I wanted through the pain the Swiss have put me through for no good reasons ( I didn’t do anything to them before this book..), other than I am a woman and I have a dog of a breed they disapprove. They have put me through hell without even trying. The optimists who know Switzerland a bit say that the Swiss are strict. Yes they are strict with others, but want others not to be strict with them. Well strict isn’t all that bad. It used to be the cops going around and punishing people all the time. The cops who were and still are all powerful. The problem is cops are getting lazy. There is more and more crime and they don’t want to be called for someone who makes too much noise in the day time for example. Cops don’t move for little things. People used to call the cops for little things and they would come running, just to be able to threaten someone. Since nowadays, cops don’t do little stuff anymore, people are taking matter into their own hands. The problem is people don’t know the laws, not that the written stuff matters in Switzerhell. It’s more who does what. People have all taken the worse cop traits and concentrate on the punishment part. Only they can’t do it in public, so they do it in your back. It’s not only when you do a tiny thing wrong like forgetting to recycle a bottle or parking in the wrong spot that the Swiss will punish you in some way, but it’s also when you do something they don’t like. You have a car they don’t like, a dog they don’t like, a friend they don’t like, they will act as cops and punish you for it. There is no boundary to their vicious stupidity. The ugly nature of these people, Swiss and whoever decides to live there, make them behave in not only illegal, unfair and vicious ways, but in ways that only in a country where people don’t speak up , can this happen. I often feel I am trapped and its a curse for me to be Swiss. I try to stay strong and believe I don’t belong to any limited land on this planet, not to any people, and if I did, it wouldn’t be Switzerhell. I was born in Switzerland and had two Swiss parents. I am not a foreigner coming into a country and criticizing, even if I do feel like a foreigner in Switzerhell most of the time. They have hurt me, my life and my loved ones at a level where even if I know that forgiveness is the key to move on, I, not being God, can never forgive, only forget. I try to allow my path to breath. Writing this book is not helping me because thinking about these people more than I have to doesn’t help me, but I thought I could put my experience to good use, for other people to realize that, to say the least, Switzerland’s spirit is not doing humanity any good. If we want a better planet, rich places like that have to be examined and changed. Since much of the world’s wealth has a foot in Switzerland, it is probably not the safest move on my part to shed light on this dark hidden secret. I am not so much risking my life because my purpose is not to give out names of the mafias and political scams that meet in Switzerland, but to make the world realize how filthy Switzerland really is, on an everyday basis, living in society. I would like to tell the world that Switzerland is not better than other countries, but worse. I would like to let others know how it is to live in such a country when you don’t have money and you’re a woman. That’s my main aim. Swiss women in my case usually learn to deal with all the crap coming at them through alcohol, drugs, sex, or find comfort in their man, go into a deep depression, or learn to be as vicious as everyone else. I am still standing because of some Americans that were sent on my path when I was living in the US, and also because of my dogs, my 2 great dogs , Shiva and Shadow who taught me unconditional love. As a Swiss living in Switzerhell, you don’t learn love. You learn to put on a fake image to please others, including your loved ones. Actually I have never been good at that. When I was a child, I used to hide from people. My mother kept on asking me to say hello, and I would hide behind her. She used to say that I was shy, but I already instinctively felt the nasty vibes from these Swiss people and needed to hide from that. When I first went to the US at 12, I changed personality. My mother said I wasn’t shy anymore…

As a Swiss, you also learn, like wild animals, to protect your turf, to make sure you acquire allies in this vast see of fear and terror spreading nation. Freedom is a bad thing, so it is with your strong allies that you survive. Switzerland is all about living small, not spending too much, not using too much heat, electricity, not eating too much, etc. Limitations and boundaries are qualities. Switzerland has put all these strict limitations in people’s heads, not to save the planet, but to keep them living in fear and in guilt. The Swiss acquire allies in family and few friends. In society, they all think the same. However they don’t have the innate friendliness to keep large groups of friends, because there always comes a time when they feel threatened by others and will need to “punish” them for it. Psychologically the Swiss have a lot of child traits, but without children’s openness, spontaneity and positive motivation. So basically the Swiss behave like sick brats, and the “sick” part is not to be neglected. I won’t insult wild animals because these are much purer creatures, in tune with nature, but the Swiss have the primitive traits of wild animals, and have the filthy sick minds of deteriorated humans.

The few Swiss people that can say lived similar experiences as mine are women living alone or alone with a dog of a breed Swiss don’t approve of. I am not talking about the 180lbs St Bernard, which I love but when he bites( because that’s what dogs do sometimes), doesn’t appear on TV nor in the papers. I am not either talking about the 130lbs Bernese ( Bouvier Bernois), which I also love, but also when he bites, which happens a lot since it is more of a family dog than the St-Bernard , doesn’t go on TV, in the paper, often doesn’t even reach the statistics. Swiss officials in most areas have elected a list of 13 breeds that are considered and said to be dangerous. This list doesn’t include the St-Bernard, Bernese, Doberman nor German Shepard. That last breed was, when I was 10 years old, the “nasty” breed. Specialists (lol) used to say that German Shepherds turned into wolves when they got old. Stupidities change areas and breeds but they remain wide and large. I realize other countries in the world fear and hate the Pitbull, mostly because of his jaw strength and the dramatic bites that can derive from that jaw, which are always shown on the news for shocking effect. Most developed countries have adopted one law or another and stuck to it, or have debated and realized that to put one breed in a law is not going to help society at all. Switzerland has 13 cantons ( tiny states within the tiny country) and they each have adopted very different laws about 3, 4, 13 breeds…have to wear a muzzle or not….be prohibited or not….If you take the train through Switzerland with your Pitbull, you will have to put the muzzle on for 20 minutes, then you can take it off for 30, to then put it on again, and be careful if you go through the Valais canton (which is where all the ski resorts are), because there, your dog is prohibited. Make him disappear while you go through that state. Some states have changed their law on dogs about three times in the last 3 years. Don’t be fooled, these laws are checked by the police. They will give you a ticket for your dog without a muzzle before they arrest you with drugs or kidnapped children ( if you’re really polite, they won’t suspect you!). It is a beautiful country…. pedophiles run free, no one is allowed to know where they live, even if they were in jail. You won’t hear about pedophiles in the paper, unless it was a big arrest of many of them, mostly foreigners living in some other European country. The real pedophile stories, you hear them by talking to people in villages. If you’re so lucky as to appear nice and innocent like me (lol), people will tell you. They will tell about Joe… or Arthur… who has raped kids for years and no one knew about it, until he got caught, careless. Children used to go to his house, but the man was so nice and polite, plus he is a man, so he couldn’t have done anything wrong to these children! No one ever believed it. Well, when it’s your child, you start to believe. People said he got diagnosed ” mentally ill” but not enough to be put in a mental hospital. The man can function on his own so he gets free government money for being ill, and lives his quiet life…Ah it’s good being a man in Switzerhell.

Only women who are without a man can be treated in a really unbelievable mediocre way by many people at a time, in Switzerhell. People don’t love each other enough to gang up on a woman ( or on anything for that matter), they just all act and think the same so it appears as if they would gang up on some women. I know there are also women who have a man and are abused by him, and no one believes them or helps them. Too many women are killed by their husbands, and the crime goes under “crime of passion” and the punishment is minimal. Sometimes the man just has to pay a fine. I was lucky enough to live in the United States of America for a while, which helped me realize that women have better rights in some countries and also helped me develop my fighting abilities, both physically and mentally. Instead of letting people walk all over me, I fight back in one way or another, when possible of course. In Switzerhell, a man is allowed to attack a woman in all sorts of ways, but if the woman does anything at all towards the man, she is prosecuted and punished or called “nuts”, and trust me she doesn’t get free money from the government. I at least don’t tell myself that I have to take it and that it’s ok, like most single Swiss women. I have had so many Swiss people mess with my life that fighting every battle individually would take too much energy and time, so I am writing this book to tell the world not only about my story but about their cherished paradise “Switzerland” and how disgusting the people really are there. I realize there are other bad places in the world, but most of them are known to be corrupt or dangerous. Someone in the world will dig in and find a story to tell about that place. But Switzerland has been untouchable so far, or coated enough that no one digs into its dirt. The thing is the dirt is massive, not random.

The world loves the idea of having a “Switzerland”( a neutral country with qualities), with all the great aspects that the image holds, so they hang on to the idea that such a country exists. They will tell you how beautiful and clean Switzerland is whether they have been there or not. They will tell you that their money is safe in Switzerland. The ones who are poor across the world dream about being rich and being able to open a Swiss account. Be careful what you wish for, and most importantly don’t wish for something you don’t know about, because you could be wishing for something that’s not there or that will hurt you. Well, anyway in 2009 some people might have dropped that wish of a Swiss bank account…The big fat Swiss banks not only lost a lot of money, but made a lot of people upset because their safe Swiss accounts had magically shrunk or disappeared. The UBS has fooled the IRS , many other countries, and even the Swiss tax system, for many years . That is not just an isolate case, but it is the whole country’s attitude and mentality: pretend, spend a lot of time putting up an image and scamming, stealing, crushing, killing, behind people’s backs while promising and being polite! The neutral country which manufactures weapons , sells them to countries like Iran, Irak, and other countries which use these weapons to commit unfair atrocities. Sometimes you have to look at reality the way it is. Have you ever stopped and wondered ” is Switzerland really the way people say it is?” Do you ask yourself why everything “Swiss” has been highly respected within the last 4 or 5 decades? Do you really know Switzerland? You know there is cheese called Swiss cheese and Swiss chocolate and Swiss watches, or you see “Swiss” on cosmetics, and you automatically think it’s all natural and good quality. It’s because everyone thinks that, you can’t blame yourself. It’s not like everyone has the time or money to go to Switzerland and verify the quality of the products, people and politics! Maybe you did go to Switzerland on vacation. Did you speak to a Swiss person other than asking for something to buy or asking for some information? If you were there on business, for several months, did you hang out with other people than your foreign colleagues? If you’re a millionaire and live in Switzerland, then you definitely don’t hang out with the Swiss, except maybe your banker . Even people who live and work in Switzerland permanently, like many British people, have their own circles of British friends to chat with or foreigners they interact with. Well, in every country, that happens right (?), we can always find foreigners hanging out together. People who have the same culture and background stick together. That’s natural. But in Switzerland, foreigners hang out with foreigners because it feels better than hanging out with Swiss ( which if they tried to make friends, they realized that they had nothing to say to each other), and because they wouldn’t have it any other way. A lot of these foreigners enjoy the fact that they can live their lives as they would in their own countries. If you’re protected by Swiss scams by your money, you won’t hear the Swiss much. They are personality-less, they don’t make too much noise because fun is a bad thing, they don’t play music because when they say they like music they listen to it once a week in their car. Some foreigners can’t even put their fingers on it, why it is that they don’t have Swiss friends. They can’t quite tell you what is wrong with the Swiss since they always see them very polite and discreet (…). That reminds me when I was teaching English to adults in Geneva. I was telling a Swiss student that they were lucky to live in Geneva because of the vast number of English speaking foreigners who live there and therefore they could practice their English, even if the international English that is spoken in that part of Europe is so very insulting the English language. The student told me that I was wrong because it was not that easy for a Swiss to integrate into a foreign group or talk to foreigners. That student told me to my surprise at the time that foreigners only hung out with each other and that even if that particular student was trying to practice her English with foreigners, she couldn’t really melt into anglophone groups of friends. She had tried and didn’t feel like she was accepted. Gee I wonder why.

When you move to Switzerland as a foreigner, you must be attracted to something in particular, whether it’s your job and the salary that goes with it , the low tax system for you if you are a millionaire, the image you have of the country, or maybe the thick hypocrisy works for you…But for a foreigner to decide to stay in Switzerland for more than a month… I don’t know what’s worse, liking this filthy Swiss place, or living in a closed bubble criticizing and hating the filthy Swiss place you live in. Either way my point is the foreigners who live in Switzerland are not much better than the Swiss, as people. They probably are as workers. Many working foreigners will sit and spit on Switzerland for the right and wrong reasons. The low class immigrants will have to deal with having cops and old Swiss people against them and having to defend themselves and prove themselves all the time. They will also sit and talk about the Swiss as being stupid, dumb and mentally retarded. They are right about that, even if most of them have been in Switzerland for so long that their habits and behaviors are now more Swiss than close to the culture they came from. They don’t realize that though. They don’t see it that way. They speak their own language together and therefore think they have the best of both worlds. Truth is they know there is nothing good to gain in Switzerhell aside from the money. They know they make more money than their friends back home and they think of themselves as better, smarter, funnier than the Swiss. Most of them get a big head for nothing. They’re often uneducated and take on the vicious habits of the Swiss, and destroy single women’s lives or other weak targets they can get their hands on. Reality is they have Swiss passports, most of them and have become exactly like the Swiss but will never admit to it. Basically, foreigners, rich or poor don’t hang out with Swiss on their days off. That process somewhat shields them from the Swiss mental filth for a while, but if they decide to stay in the country too long, something bad will eventually happen to them or their family and they will discover that it was one of their Swiss neighbors who did it, one day or another, and they will join the Hatred vibe of the country. When they first get to Switzerhell, they get that polite discreet vibe from the Swiss, and they automatically think that the Swiss are naïve , shy and nice. These newly arrived people work a lot, and if their job doesn’t include interaction with the Swiss, they live in a bubble, but as soon as they decide to learn the language of the locals ( French , German or Italian) and spend time practicing the language with Swiss, they soon decide to look for a job in another country, whether it is their own or another, in order to have a better “abroad-experience”, since for some of the young ones, that’s all it is. I taught French to such expats for 3 years. Most of the time I went to teach at their place of work. Most of them didn’t speak a word of French outside of my class, except to say “bonjour” to their neighbors as they leave for work, and “s’il vous plaït” and “merci” when they go shopping.

I have lived in different parts of Switzerland. I lived in the Geneva region, in the country side, in small villages in the middle of nowhere, and in Zurich. I also held different kinds of positions in various fields, from teaching aerobics in health clubs, to reception work, teaching English and French and work as a security officer. It just so happens that I am interested in different things, and that I am open to working in a new field if one opens up. I have had to convince the Swiss right and left that even if my CV held different subjects rather than one and one only like most Swiss, I could actually be good at a job that required new skills. It’s a great challenge to convince these idiots who believe one way and one way only is the right way. True that I was destined for greatness when in secondary school I was first of the class for a few years, taking Latin and Greek, when most of my friends were taking English and Italian, which I spoke already. I was supposed to become a lawyer, an ambassador or whatever my family and teachers saw for me. When I left home for the US at 17, and started acting and dancing, I was named “crazy looser” by the Swiss I knew, even I know that most of them were jealous of me doing what I was doing. I know I didn’t become a doctor nor a lawyer, but the people who recrute nowadays for semi-intellectual jobs take themselves very seriously and think they know everything. The reason I have changed job or living places often is I like to change when a place doesn’t work out for me. No living situation has ever been peaceful for a single woman like me. And I don’t mean men flirting with me, but rather men and women making my life miserable if for no other reason that the fact that I don’t much like to mingle in that country. I like people to leave me alone. They don’t like it and don’t think it’s normal. No work place has ever really worked for me in Switzerhell, but I have always made it work for a while , taken it as an experience, until I couldn’t take it no more. That was always because of the people I was working with or for. The Swiss and whoever lives in that country are just despicable human beings. Every time I start a new job, I tend to hype myself up and feel that it is going to be different, better. Don’t get me wrong, in the hay of trash, there were one or two funny foreign needles who by the way ended up leaving Switzerhell for good. I live in Switzerland and I have grown to hate it more and more. Some of you will say: well if you hate it, you attract more hate. Truth is I have that eternal hope that if I can’t leave the country, at least I could find a niche, a job, a village, a neighborhood where I can be at peace. But after 10 years of trying, I can say my optimism is shattered. The more I learn and realize the true nature of these people, the more I am amazed at how these humans can survive in today’s world, and be wealthy. All the pain that they have poured on me and my dogs, in the last 10 years have brought me to a point where if I didn’t know there were other countries with a sense of human quality, human decency and most of all, fun, humour and good times, I would think humans were a specie that would need to be exterminated. I have lived in other countries but not being a very financially creative person, I have had to come back to the country where I am legal to work. I haven’t found love either, in one of the better countries, probably because I was looking too hard. As much as I see myself different from these Swiss people, I know I must have a Swiss smell, some vibe from all the years I lived in the country and I know for a fact that I have a sick gene that I am not sure I’ll ever be able to get rid of. Frankly I am not your typical Swiss, and I am working on getting rid of my last Swiss mental and behavior characteristics year after year. I however only have a Swiss passport, no other. Funny enough, since the world thinks greatly of Switzerhell, I must say travelling the world with a Swiss passport isn’t all that bad. That’s probably the only satisfaction and positive result I have gotten from being Swiss. I guess I too am a beneficiary of all the money Swiss tourism has put out to sell the nasty product. Should I say thank you? Forgive me. I have lived in other places and have gotten all kinds of different visas to do it. I am poor, I have to admit it. I make money, I spend it. I never made too much. Maybe I should have kept the Swiss part in me that would have enabled me to save money, not spend too much, not live too much. Lol. I have 2 dogs and travelling gets complicated and expensive. I have taken chances to live in other countries with my dogs, but as a financially struggling person, it has been difficult to make enough money to live on . I somehow don’t care about saving money, even for my health . Yes in Switzerhell you are obliged to have personal health insurance, you can choose which one, but you gotta have one. Your job won’t get you one. So because it is mandatory, the bastards jubilate on how high they can bring the monthly rate. I pay about 290$ a month. My health insurance contract stipulates that for the insurance company to pay anything, I have to have paid the first 1500 francs ( about the same in dollars these days) . Let’s say one gets sick once or twice a year, or gets a bone broken, it never comes to more than 1500 francs. I think once in my life I had a shoulder broken while I was skiing and the helicopter had to come and get me. That time the insurance spent half a dime compared to what I have paid all my life to these people! The insurance company should thank my dogs because as long as I have my dogs, they need me to be healthy to take care of them, therefore I mentally aim for health and I make sure I stay healthy.

Since companies don’t have to get health insurance for their employees, imagine the money they’re saving, on that, plus on the fact that if you’re a big company ( bringing top dollars to the country), then you’re lucky enough to pay very little taxes. The smaller companies though pay lots of taxes. It’s the magic of Switzerhell, if you have the right number of 0′s on your bank account or your company’s bank account, then the taxes start melting! The funny thing is that when I was growing up, I used to hear that Switzerhell has the biggest middle class in Europe, and that there are very few rich and very few poor. People kept repeating that and they believed it. Some idiot Swiss still do. Society wants people to think they’re all equal. Nowadays, more and more, Swiss people are learning about how rich some people really are and how poor a few also are. There are some old women, widowed or divorced, without children or with children who don’t give a rat’s ass about them, who live in poverty, can’t eat everything they want because it costs too much. These women were shown on local TV not too long ago, and no one does anything about them. Switzerhell doesn’t want these videos to fall in the hands of other countries. It would hurt the great image of Switzerland.. There is a large amount of organisations in Switzerhell that beg for money to help causes outside the country. The Swiss will give to them, for tax reasons, for their image, before they try to find an organisation that could help these old Swiss women. The Swiss don’t want to know about old people in their own country not eating enough. They are in denial. They say it is not true, or they say that the government will help them, surely. No one helped these women after the documentary. The day after, everyone pretended it doesn’t happen in Switzerland… I guess brainwashing on some level happens in every country. Switzerupper though attracts the rich of the entire world and they build more and more modern buildings to fit all those rich people who don’t want to pay taxes in their own countries and therefore are contributing to impoverish their native land. These people also raise rent prices in Switzerhell. All these new buildings also harbor wealthy thugs who want to skip jail in their countries and since Switzerhell has a great sense of forgiveness when it comes to filthy rich criminals, it works out great! Whatever country you’re from, you can be sure that your country could be doing better, could be richer and have more jobs available if you got all the rich people from that country ,who have put their money in Switzerhell ( whether in the bank or in a company), to come back home!

What’s wrong with a tax haven? I ‘ll tell you what’s wrong. It’s the everyday hell that such a place is creating that’s wrong. It’s the money that covers up all the crime that goes on in the country. There is too much hidden crime on the poorer ones , on women, and even on animals, that’s wrong. It’s the image that Switzerhell gives to the world, that it’s a safe country ( safe for who?), with human rights!

Swiss mentality and culture is harder to dig into because it is the most hypocritical society. They themselves don’t realize at which level their hypocrisy exceeds. They themselves believe that they’re very polite, smart, intelligent when they’re really not. It’s not only make-belief. They themselves get caught up in their fake image. That’s where mental illness meets hypocritical behavior to end up in not knowing who they themselves are. Their egos are boosted by the great Swiss image the country has built for them, but without any substance to back it up. That’s sad, but let’s not feel sorry for them just yet! Because of the money that the country has, the Swiss believe they’re at the same social and human level as countries like the US or Canada. In reality, Europe is always a step back from North America, but Switzerland can’t even keep up with the European Union, on a human level! Not even on an animal rights level. I live in the French part of Switzerland which is close to France. All the jobs in Switzerhell that require social and human interaction are filled by French people. The Swiss somehow always lack either intelligence, eloquence, human logic or the “serving the client mentality”. It’s a fact. The work force will tell you. Example of the Swiss: you go into a store and the Swiss employee will expect you the client to say hello with a big smile first , instead of welcoming the client as other countries do ( even in the most remote areas of the planet). The Swiss expect you to greet them, spend money in their store and say thank you as you leave, as if the client had to show how grateful she or he is for the employee’s presence. The employees feel however they don’t need to make any kind of effort since they are already there doing their job which is a big effort from their part, they are present to take your money and watch you leave with the goods. Isn’t that enough? If you as a customer don’t smile or don’t say hello, they won’t be nice to you at all. They’ll look at you like you’re impolite or even mumble something about how you are unbelievably unpleasant, and how dare you walk in their store without smiling and thanking them for working, as you are the lucky one who is shopping and they are the unlucky ones who have to work. Swiss logic has greatness on many angles…. These jackasses will give you excuses like : for years Swiss businesses haven’t had that much competition, so people were glad that there existed a store, a bakery or a butcher, and would have to be “nice” clients for the store to be open long enough for people to be able to shop after work. Still today, if there is one bakery in a neighborhood, that bakery knows that everyone who lives around there will go buy their bread there because of convenience and because they need bread, no matter how nice the baker or the employee is. They figure if their bread is not too disgusting, people will spend their money there no matter what else. I remember that about Paris, but it is more flagrant all around Switzerhell. There is now a bit more competition in every field. The Swiss will take about 10 years to figure out that if they’re nice to the customers, it will attract more customers… The Swiss are known to be slow in everything, in thinking, doing and acting. You can find new technology on store shelves, to buy as soon as you can buy it in every other country in the world, but on a human level, for the Swiss to match the rest of the world, it takes a long long time. I remember going to France on holidays when I was 6. I met some French kids my age and couldn’t believe how fast they would speak and how great the vocabulary they would use was. Swiss kids are not born retarded, it’s the great society of Switzerhell that keeps them that way and they haven’t figured out how to better themselves. French children also go to school much earlier than the Swiss. What’s up with that? In France, you go to school when you are 2 or 3, you learn to interact with people other than your family, learn about others, get new skills. In Switzerland, children start school when they are 6 or 7. Before that, many will only interact with their family. Well yes educating children would be important… Or is it just the whole society that prevents Swiss children from developing in a “normal way”? Parents and adults don’t even realize anything. They’ll tell you they are very normal… The Swiss in general will even tell you they know everything about everything. And the worst part is they believe it! The Swiss are in denial about how much they don’t know about life, people, the world, and even dogs, supposedly man’s best friend…In Switzerhell it’s more like: man’s victim, martyr. I guess you can’t expect a people who is not educated socially, to educate their dogs. Training their dogs is all about hitting the dog or telling the dog what not to do for the Swiss.

The only thing the Swiss were good at, well until a decade ago, was how to do their job. They learned to do one thing in life and most of the times that became their whole life and they actually got to know how to do that one thing well. They were known as hardworking back in the days or at least that’s what I heard all around me when I was growing up. I don’t know that it was even true compared to the rest of the world, but that’s what people would say in Switzerhell: We are a hardworking people! Well I believed it and since no new information has come to me to contradict the fact that back in the days people were hardworking, I still believe it. I guess I refer to the watch makers in the 60′s, 70′s. Swiss watches were famous right? Some still think they are. Wake up! Nowadays, gangsters wear Swiss watches. The market was not as large back then as today and the marketing campaigns of course had a lot to do with it, but the Swiss including me, were led to believe that the quality of their watches were superior to any other country. I have now talked to people in the watch business in other countries and found out that even the Swiss brands are still popular, many other countries make quality watches with a lot more style. The Swiss have connections in the world obviously with all the rich thugs and mafias that are welcomed with open arms in Switzerhell. Well as for the quality of watches and the use of them in international sports events, it seems the Japanese have taken over. Same goes for the chocolate industry. The Belgians and the Dutch have taken over. As far as cheese goes, nowadays, many agree, including me, that the French and the Italians are making much tastier cheese! The Swiss are lazy both mentally and physically nowadays when you compare them to other people of the world. Another reason why I believe Swiss people were less lazy 40 years ago is because my father who opened up a business was working long hours every single day, week-ends included. I remember hanging out at his factory when people would ring the bell, uninvited. My father would talk to them and come back. He would say that people would try to invent stories to come inside and steal some ideas. He wasn’t fooled. The business was doing well for a while, until one of his workers lied and scammed him and even after a year of struggling, working alone, extra long hours, he couldn’t make the business come back to where it was. He died trying. Well that’s the business world, people will take you down if they can , for their own business to flourish mostly but in Switzerhell, people will take you down for no good reason, just because… Nowadays, a lot of times another reason why companies in Switzerhell hire French , Italian, German, or other nationalities is because they work faster, they get things done, their brains function quicker and it saves businesses lots of money. It’s not funny for me when I look for a job because I have to say I am Swiss since my passport is.

Some people will tell me that we all hate home, we all hate what we know well, that’s why I hate Switzerhell. I didn’t hate Switzerland for many years. I used to say every country has its right and wrong, good and bad. I came back to Switzerhell many times not because I had no choice but because I wanted to have a good life, since the idea floats in the air and did in my mind, that there is a high quality of life there. I just kept hearing that. I even kept thinking that my bad experiences were only my bad luck, that I would, next time have it better. I went through little shit here and there, and always recovered, always thought that I came across some really stupid people but it couldn’t reflect the whole country. Every time I came back from another country, I came back with a new positive attitude, thinking that this time it had to be good, and that I could settle down and live peacefully ever after. It turns out I lived more peacefully in other countries, working odd jobs, renting a room here and there. The hope and positivism I had about Switzerland! My God, I was hopeful! But every time I came back, it took from a month to 5 months to get bad, and bad for little things, no good reason at all. I was bullied all the time. But I guess the pain that my dogs and me have been through has not made me bitter, but opened my eyes on the quality of life, the nature of the Swiss people . I am now done with the hope, not because I am giving up, but because I have realized what a filthy filthy people the Swiss are. I am disgusted. I have realized that as a woman, I don’t have to take all the crap that Swiss women take and feel is normal. I am not someone who needs to love my country. I am ok not to belong to any country. I know who I am. I belong to this planet. I should be able to decide which country I want to belong to. Practically it is not as easy, but I refuse to be put in the box that my passport says I am in. It is not easy to let go of the crap a country puts in our minds, but I am working on it . We all receive a large amount of limiting beliefs when we grow up. I don’t know if it’s world order, but I know that in many countries, people either have a sense of humour even if society restricts them in many ways and they grow to learn that positivism is out there and life is not about destroying other’s. I am writing this book to let the world know a bit of truth about Switzerland. I am using the words “stupid” and “idiots” sometimes to describe the Swiss because it comes automatically, even if I know that insulting people often reflects what one is. I would like to clarify that I use these terms as rebellious words and not because I have great knowledge of human intelligence. According to me and my beliefs, humans are supposed to learn, grow as people and as individuals not only improve the material objects that surround them as the Swiss and other European countries do. They make better vacuum cleaners, more efficient washer and dryer, etc. Great, but how about improving the insides of the human? Not in Switzerhell. Of course there are a few things to say about humans all around the world on the matter of being counter-productive, but everyone makes mistakes and one would think that where the money is, is where one can find improvement, not only materialistically. There is a certain amount of stupid behavior and mistakes people can do in rich developed countries according to me. And then there is too much crap. I therefore clearly dislike the Swiss and feel they are stupid, which includes vicious, nasty, hypocritical and not helping the planet, nor others, nor themselves. Some people will say smart people can be nasty and selfish. The Swiss are not selfish to feel better but to show others they are stronger. The Swiss, I am sorry, are stupid, illogical and moving backwards. The Swiss will not admit they are nasty and mean, because they have learned to keep these traits hidden. They are like the dork in high-school who doesn’t really know how to be himself or herself yet, who is awkward, acts shy but really wants to shoot everyone. The Swiss are a sick-vicious kind. As much evil they can do in the dark or in your back, they will do. They will smile just enough to keep their reputation. They’re not even selfish in the positive sense. They don’t know how to feel good in this world , so they hurt others. Needing to be evil in some small ways to feel alive is one inglorious behavior , and needing to do as much damage without getting caught just to prove that they can, not even to get somewhere for their own achievement. That is the climax of stupid human behavior. Their poverty in mental sanity can barely excuse it. The fact that the Swiss won’t ever admit to any psychological or emotional disturbance proves that the hypocrisy is more important than their sanity and happiness. It is merely my opinion. However in this book, I will give you facts with which you can create your own words to describe the Swiss.

Chapter 1, Introduction to Hell

Switzerland is the most despicable place in the whole wide world. Surprised? Yes, you are. It’s the pit of humanity. Stupidity +viciousness +money= bad news! I am sorry to disappoint the ones who dreamed of moving to Switzerland. Wait a minute, are you someone who has been there and loved it? And you’re going to say all countries have hidden dirty secrets? I am not talking about dirty secrets, even though there are plenty in Switzerhell like everywhere else, I am talking about everyday people, quality of life within the community. I am talking about the quality of your neighbors and people in town who eventually affect your quality of life and your well-being. It takes a village, right? When you move to a new town and no one says hello to you because people have to get used to you, you wonder if you’re dealing with a primitive land or some remote jungle village. Giving the Swiss time to accept you as a citizen before they talk to you like normal human beings is clearly not usual on this planet where in many countries, when you’re new, people flop to you, want to get to know you, and then decide if they want to be your friend or not. The Swiss are backwards. Is this the charm of the cavemen-like behavior that one wants to go travel to ? If at least it was this remote mountain country, old-fashion in every way including the style, the truth, the real nature-like lifestyle, the honest people. It is no such thing. Stop the dream! Even the Indians who have carried Switzerland in their hearts for many years through Bollywood have now realized that Switzerland is a scam. I know many Indians feel, like I do, in rejecting the fact that Indian movies have fattened Swiss Tourism pockets for many years while India as a whole was not getting richer. These movies have given Switzerhell great publicity throughout Asia! I know we all wish there was such a place of true values and qualities. But make it up, call it Lala land, or whatever , because Switzerhell ain’t it! And the closest to it may be in countries like Canada, United States, India , the Himalayas, Peru or the North Pole! I have met many peoples of the world, and there were some who seemed to have somewhat of a true honest nature lurking through their industrialized world lifestyles, but at no point have I ever met a Swiss that had an ounce of that lurking in his or her sick twisted retarded mind. I have nothing against truly medically retarded people of the world. They, according to psychologists are never vicious in nature. Call it repressed anger or whatever but the Swiss act and think “retarded” without being retarded medically . It is always scary when one acts as if he or she had a psychological disturbance, but really doesn’t.

Switzerland is the small country where you can’t hike for more than 2 hours before seeing someone that will either check your passport, stare at you like you’re from Mars or give you a ticket for trespassing, as you didn’t see the sign on the other side of the mountain that said “private property”. The country is small that’s a fact. If people minded their own business, one could at least enjoy the country for the land, the hiking, nature without too many dangerous wild animals, nor insects. But if you start hiking on a regular basis, and in various areas, you will be stared at when you pass a farm or a chalet lost in the mountain. The Swiss inside will look at you through their curtain as to be able to describe you to the cops if you stole a flower. If you are a man hiking, you won’t see the people staring at you from their curtains, and you can and will litter like an ignorant junkie, just to show that you can. If you hike in a semi-deserted area, the Swiss that you’ll encounter will either have their shot gun and threaten you with it, or run like rabbits you won’t even know if they were humans or not. It is not a normal country! For people who say they only like what is normal, I am amazed at how tolerant they are towards their own pathetic behaviors. I know it’s “pathetic” kind that they know. Pathetic, retarded. I know that none of these terms are correct to describe the Swiss because the term doesn’t exist, in any language. If the Swiss realized what they are, they could invent a term, if they had an imagination… But they don’t. Primitive people who hate who and what is not like them. Take primitive tribes in the remote jungle: even they don’t have as much dislike for what is not like them. They give it a chance, see how it it, who it is. They realize that they could learn something. It’s like the Swiss close their doors to learning, even for their own good! They don’t want to know. They say: ” no, no, no”, it’s their favorite word. Sometimes in the business world, the Swiss are forced to think about saying yes, after years of saying no. The only reason there might (sometimes there is and you don’t know it) not be antibiotics in chicken and hormones in beef is because they haven’t figured out that when they do put all that in the meat, they will make more money. The Swiss are slow and they will take time to understand facts. So aside from all the foods imported from all over the world to satisfy all the rich foreigners who want to recognize their foods, there is little margin for Swiss markets to expand and create and innovate. But they copy. Until not too long ago, there was one brand of butter, one of cereal, one of chips, etc. No choice at all. Anything new is indeed overwhelming for the Swiss. They have grown from being thick people to being overweight. Well thank God (lol) for the cigarette that still keeps quite a few skinny. Anything new is scary including people. People of color are very scary to the Swiss. To their amazement, they are even scared of people of their same skin color, like people from Eastern Europe. Switzerland is the country where there is a prohibition of building Minarets. And Muslim extremists are angry at the US… for what again? They are going to be angry at the Swiss when they know how much more hatred they get from the Swiss than from Americans, for who they are and what they do. Switzerhell is also a country whose number 3 export business consists of selling millions of weapons to countries at war and to countries which are planning war. Switzerland doesn’t ask the country they sell weapons to, what the weapons are going to be used for, in the name of discretion and neutrality. And then Switzerland talks about human rights and how they are big on that. In 2007, a loaded plane left Switzerland for Tchad, pretending to go train pilots. That plane actually contained bombs to sell to Tchad. The business of selling weapons is so huge that they have to lie to the authorities because they’re selling more than they’re supposed to. And then, all Europeans including Swiss, criticize the US for lying to the world about this or that. ?? The US is criticized every day in Europe. Yes it is a superpower and no it’s not perfect, like any country on this planet. But no one criticizes Switzerland. It surely isn’t a superpower, but it holds more money than any larger country. That gives them a certain amount of power of course. Many world meetings take place there because of this fake image of “neutrality”. Or is it because world leaders hide their money in Switzerhell? Is it that no country allows their leader to have large amounts of money in the bank? Why is it that all the world’s countries allow Switzerland to hold all that dirty money?

Have you seen the pretty sceneries of Switzerhell? Have you seen the cute small villages, the pretty lakes and mountains? Well aside from the fact that they’re not unique because you can find the same pictures in Italy, France, Germany and Austria, the people who live in these cute places are disgustingly hateful, bitter, hypocritical, racist and sexist, to name a few adjectives. They like to pretend to be perfect people, but in reality they break the laws every opportunity they have, they talk about everyone ( even their friends) as if they were inferior to them, and always talk about those in negative sentences. They never have anything good to say about others. Of course it starts with hating people who are not like them, but then they are so used to badmouthing people that it becomes a habit. These cute postcard sceneries make me sick now that I know how much filth lies in these people’s heads and hearts.

You thought Switzerland was clean? Well the streets are cleaned in most cities , or at least in certain neighborhoods, but the Swiss themselves are not very clean. Their homes are cleaner than themselves. They’re dirty people who don’t shower nor wash their hair much. This is not a joke, Swiss people don’t wash their hair every day! And they’ll tell you that the air is fresh and that it’s not good for the scalp to wash your hair every day! Saving water is great, but when hot and cold water is free, trust me, Swiss people don’t save water. They might use it as an excuse, but even in all the things they’re not supposed to do too much of, to fit in society, not washing is not one of them. Maybe taking baths everyday if you live in a building where others can hear when you take a bath. People will talk and say: How dare she or he take a bath everyday? They should take a shower everyday and take a bath once a week or a month. That’s what people use to say about me when I was living in my tiny studio and my only luxury was to have a bathtub and use it! The Swiss just don’t feel the need to be very clean. The closer I get to these people is at the gym, at work, at the supermarket or other stores, the more I am experiencing real nasty body smells from walking near them, and even scalp smells from a distance which is really repulsing . I can either smell their dirty greasy hair, or the stench of a 24hours unwashed human body ; sometimes even 12 hours is enough to expel a rotten cheesy smell . What is up with these people? They don’t even eat spicy food and they don’t live in a tropical climate! When one doesn’t take a shower in the morning , one carries a certain smell throughout the day. The clean ones shower once at night. Of course they love to wear their favorite perfumes without showering! But you can still smell the stench through the perfume when you get a bit close ( no need to kiss them to smell the filth). The physical thing is one thing. Some think they are very clean people. It’s all relative. Some say they are saving water. It’s good for the planet. Truth is they’re lazy to shower. I have even heard that some men don’t like the feel of water on them! Switzerhell is seen as a clean country. A few streets in many cities are kept clean that is true, just like in any modern city in the world. One would think that it would include the people. I learned to wash my hair everyday and shower twice a day if I work out, in the US. Before that I used to wash my hair once a week and two showers a day was unthinkable.

Personal hygiene is one thing, then there is the vibe, someone’s energy. If you’re sensitive to people’s vibes, you won’t like the Swiss. When foreigners spend time with them, many will tell you their vibes are off, but they can’t really explain how or why. When people are not so sensitive to vibes and energies, they say that the Swiss are boring and uninteresting. It’s a lot more than that, truly. They’re not a likable people. I know I write “they” when I am Swiss too, but I have lived 13 years abroad and my experiences have brought me to see many things that I could have done without seeing, but my head is out of Switzerhell enough for me to tell the truth about Switzerland, whether I am Swiss or not, as an entity. Actually it sounds horrible to say that I am not Swiss since I was born there and have lived the first 12 years of my life there and then more years as an adult . I have heard young Swiss women and men say that several times that they don’t think that they are Swiss. When you talk to them, you’ll hear that they’re Swiss even if they perspire an ounce of desire for openness, which unfortunately only a desire. They’re Swiss, have only traveled a bit but they say they don’t feel very Swiss. Well at least they realize something is wrong. But even me who has lived in the US for 10 years , 2 in France and half a year in Morocco, there is still a Swiss in me I suppose ( it’s the worst part in me, the stupid brat, the unloving angry bitch), but I feel a lot like people who immigrate to the US. I feel like those people, and I have met many, who come from somewhere, don’t really like the place they come from, but it’s still a bit part of them, and they have grown to love the US and feel at home there. I am still living in Switzerhell but that’s how I feel. So I am Swiss, was born in Lausanne. Both my parents were Swiss. I have seen other cultures, better societies and even if I can’t say I am American because I don’t have the official nationality, I can say I hate Switzerland because I know it well .

I remember being on a Greyhound bus from San Francisco to Sacramento, I was about 26 years old: an older woman was chatting with her friends, and she said: ” Don’t go to Switzerland, the Swiss are boring, the place is horrible and there is nothing to do there”. It made me smile. I didn’t say anything. Here was this fun older woman who had a good idea about Switzerland, just by being there once on vacation. Boring was of course very mild, but that’s all you can get from them when you don’t speak the language and don’t spend time talking to them, really. There are a lot of foreigners who live in Switzerland who never even get motivated to learn the language of the locals, whether it be French, Swiss-German or Italian. Some of them live in their own little worlds, and don’t even know the country they live in. That’s the best way to live there, no doubt. After a few years in Switzerland though you’re bound to interact with more and more Swiss and automatically the smartest and funniest foreigners will leave the country because they’ll get to the point where they can’t take it any longer. Also, you can live in your separate world when you have money, buy a big house with a big fence, put your children in an international school, have a maid that shops for you, work in an international company which might have, not even one Swiss person working there, but that’s not living in Switzerland! You can live like that in any other country! The Swiss government says that these rich foreigners bring business, spend their money in Switzerland, and that’s good for the Swiss economy . The Swiss are convinced that it’s good for the country’s well-being, even if they hate foreigners. By the way, the working Swiss pay a lot of taxes compared to the filthy rich. The working Swiss don’t even have it in them to rebel about it! They are told the rich bring in money and jobs and that’s great for everyone, and they believe it, and know they have it all right with their fairly high salaries! The Swiss still hate foreigners because they’re different than them and whatever is different is not good. The Swiss will never think of being grateful that these foreign companies are bringing job opportunities. Gratitude is just not a well-known concept in Switzerhell. Some Swiss will be able to feed their children because of their job at an international company, or indirectly while these foreign companies require services that the Swiss businesses can provide and make money from. The Swiss will still criticize and badmouth the foreigners over dinner with their family or friends. I have been “lucky” enough to hear some of the conversations the Swiss hold about foreigners. It’s plain ignorant hatred. They’ll say foreigners are dangerous just because they have different ways of talking, dressing, or behaving. They have stereotypes about every race: “Black people are drug dealers. Asians are liars when they do business. Americans are stupid.” And then the Swiss have negative stereotypes with every country in Europe: the French are thieves. Italians are mafiosi. Portuguese are dirty. Spanish are only good at housecleaning. Germans think they are better but they are not. British are hypocritical ( when it’s really the Swiss who are queens at that). Eastern European countries are nothing to joke about in Switzerhell: the Swiss are working hard to kick these people out of the country at any cost. the Swiss are afraid of them because they say they are violent people. Truth is a lot of these people from Eastern Europe are much like the Swiss, in their violent-nasty thinking. The only difference is that they don’t think about stabbing people in the back, they’ll do it in your face! The Swiss wish they could do it like them but they’re trapped in their fear and their ancestral habits of back-stabbing and getting away with it. That’s why they feel superior. There are many families from Eastern Europe that has been living, working hard , mostly under-paid, and paying taxes in Switzerhell for many years and when they apply for their Swiss nationality, they are denied. Some of them have even been asked to leave the country for no other reason that they have been there long enough, it’s time to go home! It’s just funny how the Swiss always find stuff to complain about foreigners, whether the foreigner is a well-known scientist, or a house cleaner. They still say how these foreigners are inferior, even the smart business people who run international businesses. The Swiss are so insecure that they can even come up with stuff about foreigners that is totally not true, like I remember this father sitting at the dinner table with his family, telling them that British people litter, that they all throw stuff on the floor at the place he works at. Truth was, there were people littering at that place, but no one knew who it was, but this guy was somehow convinced it was the British dudes at the company. The Swiss are really ignorant and can’t keep up with the world. Truth is foreigners are hired to teach Swiss people how to run a business because they don’t know how in today’s world . I have heard ridiculous Swiss criticize the ones who come to do research in labs, who discover new vaccine or medicine and for which the Swiss take credit ! You will hear on the news of whatever country, that a new drug or vaccine was created or discovered in Switzerland, or you will read in your newspaper: ” The Swiss found new vaccine!”. Well in every case, you can be sure that half of the world thought : “How smart are these Swiss people!”. And in every case, the team or the guy who discovered something amazing was not only not of Swiss origin, but also doesn’t really live in Swiss society. These guys ( females included) live for their jobs. They could be anywhere in the world, society doesn’t faze them. If you’re a scientist working in Switzerland, it must be ten times easier to dedicate your life to your job since life outside of your work is more than boring! There is no real distraction out there.

Some say it’s because I don’t go out anymore that I say Swiss nightlife is boring. Well I used to go out and I did so in different cities and towns, to stuff my face with rotten second hand smoke, get insults from guys because my dancing was too….”sexy”, or for being a woman with strong opinions . I have also watched girls get slapped or hit by their boyfriend and see no one do anything about it in clubs! In Switzerhell, there are dance clubs where people only dance when they’re drunk , or on drugs, clubs where drugs are on the house and where people can’t hold a conversation because they’re all passed out. Well even in cafés in the day time people can’t have an interesting conversation, so imagine after drugs and alcohol! So if drugs can make them jolly, at least they’ll smile once in their life, for real, and not their fake disgusting smile of the day time which they have to pull out every once in a while! Actually what bugs me personally in Switzerhell is that the cops don’t care about drug dealers. In some corrupt countries cops will stay away from drug dealers not to be seen around them, or appear like they’re giving them breaks, but in Switzerhell since cops do what they want, they walk by, drive by drug deals, that pedestrians can be witnesses of ( I have been and know many who also have ) and pretend nothing is wrong, not even threaten them, or tell them to go somewhere else. A few Swiss have dared ask why cops don’t stop and arrest drug dealers, they’re told that the jails are full. The same cops will stop women with a pit-bull-like breed , and give the owner a fat expensive ticket for not having put a muzzle on their dog, and threaten them that if it happens again they will shoot their dog. It happened to me . I will never forget those words coming out of that trash-bag with a gun. I know women who get that all the time and are so used to being talked to like that by cops, that they can just smile in a hypocritical way and walk away, to then forget about it an hour later. These same Swiss women will slash one of those cops’ tire though, if they recognize him or her with their personal car somewhere in town. That’s the only way to live in Switzerhell. I have seen these crazy women. They don’t get caught though most of the time. But you can’t live in a country where cops rape women, give them tickets for this and that because it makes them laugh and it’s easy, and not react. I can’t get with it. Spending the time to go slash a tire at night and be very careful is not my thing. First of all, I won’t forget the words of threat that these assholes said to me and I sure could have shot them on the spot had I had a gun and the shoes to run, but the good thing for them is I can’t remember their ugly face 24hours later because I will always remember the fact but not the faces, much less to waste my energy to , 2, 3, 4 months later, go and cut his tire. But the cops will shoot dogs , rape women, drive by drug dealers without stopping them, talk to them at clubs as if they were bodies, even let them have their pitbulls off leash without a muzzle. Cops don’t like to take risks for their little life unless they’re told to do it. It’s as if drug dealers were an important part of the bringing money to Switzerhell market! Well to be exact, the cops do sometimes arrest a few small pot dealers on the streets, when they feel like beating up an African guy. The white dealers, they don’t touch them. They do that openly, they don’t try to hide. So openly that once I was a witness of a beating, and I wondered if they beat them up because they want to show how strong they are or because they think everyone around appreciates that cops punish those “bad” Africans. And that’s what it is, since Swiss people complain on occasions, about the visible drug dealers, who according to the Swiss are Africans only, cops are told to show people they are doing something about it, and beating them up in public seems to satisfy the Swiss. Of course cops do it in certain neighborhoods only. They don’t do it in front of rich foreigners’ homes.

Well, some of you are going to say how can I say this is the most despicable place in the world when there are countries at war, or which commit tons of atrocities every day as well, countries where women can’t go outside dressed the way they please, and countries where criminality is everywhere all the time and not hidden like in Switzerhell? I met this Irish guy who told me he liked living in a country where crime was hidden, because he didn’t want to see it and didn’t need to know about it. He had a point and as a guy, one can be confident like that in Switzerhell because a guy’s everyday life can be eventless for a long time. However a year later, I saw him again and he told me he had been mugged and beaten up in a small street in the early evening by a bunch of young dudes. He said he saw someone at a window who saw the scene and he tried to go talk to that person and when he rang the bell, no one answered… He went to the cops and they didn’t believe him because it was a safe neighborhood, but let him file a complaint. The cops asked if the thieves were of color or had an accent ( the Irish guy spoke French well), he said no, and the cops told him it is hard to find those young gangs, but they’ll notify him if they find them. The Irish guy felt this weird vibe from the cops that if he had been a richer man, he would have gotten more help. He then told me he changed his mind about Switzerhell..

As for countries with a high unhidden crime rate, they are on tv worldwide when they commit atrocities . The whole world points its finger. These countries are also poor countries compared to Switzerhell. Usually poverty creates crime. Well not having enough money is not a good excuse to commit a crime but in reality when the ways to get money legally are limited, one needs to eat, so if it takes a few illegal acts to live half decent, well we can all relate. In Switzerland, money creates scams. Scams create hatred. Hatred creates crime. As for rich thugs, I don’t know about you, but I can’t relate. If I had money I wouldn’t have time to think about the hatred, the past pricks, the assholes that I have encountered. But among the rich countries, Switzerland is the most uneducated about its reality and the most primitive in its social behaviors. Real crime goes undetected by citizens, even by cops . People are killed and they are classified “ran away”, or “doesn’t want to be found”. Cars are stolen all over the place and on the news, they say cars are rarely stolen in Switzerland, but they’ll tell you “watch out if you go to France or Italy, that’s where people steal cars”… Women are raped by men they know all the time and the cops won’t let them press charges in the name of “they knew the guy”. People , women , are harassed on an everyday basis, and cops say they are being paranoid, that they’re lying. That’s a good way to keep the crime rate down, ignore it, say it’s not there. Sure mentally it is a good strategy, but when you know that the Swiss turn it around when it comes to Swiss men being attacked or robbed by non-Swiss, then all of a sudden crime exists. They still don’t put it in the statistics because it’s bad for the Swiss image. But you’ll hear on local TV and newspapers. And the hidden crime between rich thugs, no one ever knows about, not even your local cops. How do I know that? Well even Swiss cops are not my friends, I have talked with a few here and there. Being a woman in Switzerhell, one gets insulted for no reason, taken advantage and one is barely respected as a human being, but the only bright side is that men don’t think you as a woman are capable of any harm, so if you speak with a sweet voice and act very mellow, flirt a tiny bit, they will trust you easily and speak with you about things they shouldn’t speak about, thinking a woman like that is so innocent, she couldn’t do a thing against anyone. So even if some cops shouldn’t talk about the stuff they hear about, they sometimes like to, just to prove that they are special individuals who know facts that everyone else ignores, even some of their colleagues. Will they not have the whole story and make up half of it? Probably. However I still got to know pieces of events that the press would never publish, and that if I spoke about details or wrote about them, I don’t know who would try to kill me first, the cop who talked to me, or the well-known rich prick who committed the crime? My goal is not to dig every detail of all crime that is hidden to the public in Switzerhell but rather to inform the world that the country exceeds in lies, and that through this, other countries are getting poorer while all the money and dirty money is ending up in Switzerhell. Most Swiss don’t know how much money is going around. There is the filthy rich world and then there is the rest of the apes. People still stare like primitive apes ( I am saying primitive because today’s monkeys have grown to have a more normal stare when they see something for the first time). Primitive tribes who have never seen much have a long, unpleasant, intrigued, puzzled look maybe, but the Swiss look at you as if you were from Mars and they hated Mars, as if you had stolen their morning coffee and if you didn’t have the right to walk around their town. They want you to get nervous, especially if you’re a woman. They just can’t fathom that people dare being different from them. And how dare people come to Switzerland if they are not like the Swiss? They should stay in their own country! “Go back to your country!” comes out a lot in Switzerland…as insults, jokes, complaints, etc . I even got it a few times and I am Swiss. The Swiss can’t tell I am Swiss unless I decide to talk like them and act like them willingly because I know how to do that when needed. But when I let a hint of my own not so Swiss self appear, the Swiss automatically think I am a foreigner. I clearly must be a foreigner and to them, if I won’t be grateful for every little Swiss breath of air that I take, then I should go back to my country. Trust me I would if I had another country to run to!! If these people know I am Swiss because they have seen my passport , then they say I should act and think like everyone around me! It’s been like that for centuries and how dare I think that I could change anything or be different! The thing is I am not even trying to change anything in their great nation! Anyway, changes don’t happen quickly in Switzerhell! They like to keep it like it’s always been! It reminds me when I lived in a filthy village with a gorgeous view on the lake, when I was walking my dogs and a lady didn’t want to see me in that forest because she had been walking there at the same time every day for 25 years… She was of course scared, and full of hatred for my big dog’s breed and assumed my dog would hurt her dogs when it was really her dogs who would follow us and they wouldn’t listen to her yelling over and over and over, the dogs’ names or something, I couldn’t even understand what she was yelling…the poor dogs were so glad to see other dogs that would actually play with them, they momentarily ignored that woman! Plus when you yell your dog’s name over and over, the dog, as would any creature, starts to shut the noise out. Her dogs loved my dogs. She hated that. Dogs have always loved my dogs. It’s the people who have hated and hated and hated my big dog and pulled their dogs away from us , like if we had some disease. That lady said to me: ” I have been walking on this path in this forest ,at this time of day for 25 years, you’re not the one who is going to change my habits! You have to walk your dogs at a different time!” I asked her if she was joking. She replied no with an extra angry wrinkle that just started growing: “Then tell me at what time you walk your dogs, and stick to it every day, so I can avoid you!” she yelled. Slapping her would have been fun… and so easy… but her dogs needed a 2 legged human to bring them home, feed them and take them outside so I didn’t do anything to that poor woman. Those village people would have been too happy to call the cops on me had I laid a hand on anyone there. This whole village has taken 2 years to do everything in their power to drive me nuts so I would move out. They especially wanted my dogs out of the village. I moved to that village with good intentions. It was and probably still is a beautiful village. It is amazing how people with villas with a gorgeous view can be so full of hatred. I have heard and listened to all their insults and nasty comments on my big dog ‘s breed for 2 years. I have been very discreet and nice for the first 6 months. Then I could have killed people they drove so crazy, which I only fantasized about of course, but I did start to seriously ignore those people and avoid them. I would be the one figuring out at what time assholes would walk their dogs, so that I could walk without passing too many people. I started not wanting to see any of those disgusting people. It worked for me but it made them think I was afraid of them and that their little game was working. I wasn’t moving out though which bugged them, so they called the super of my building to help them out. The old drunk would steal my mail, not even hide to do it, go into my apartment and go through stuff to show me he was there, threaten my life when I slammed my door when people would make noise at night and he wouldn’t say anything. He would scratch my car with his keys ( he didn’t know that all I cared about was that my car ‘s engine ran well, could care less about the scratches), he would take the key of the laundry door when it was my turn to do it so that I couldn’t do it. I have done nothing wrong, ever. I could have. A lot of older people weaker than me physically, have insulted me in places where there was nobody, no witnesses… I have never touched a soul. I was too happy to have my 2 dogs and was always careful not to incite any of them to take further action against my boys, which I know they would have done, had I even used the insults they used on me and my dog Shadow.

So basically if you move to a town, village, you have to make sure you don’t change anything at all. You have to make sure the town stays exactly like before you arrived. Basically if you can live invisible, you’ll be fine. Oh, the only thing you can change is bring more money to the little filthy town! That, you’re allowed to do. They won’t do anything against you then! If you bring lots and lots of money, maybe they’ll let you walk your dogs in peace, they’ll let you make as much noise as they make doing their dishes in the middle of the night as loud as possible, drive home as late as they do, etc. If you’re a woman and don’t have a lot of money, then you better be more than invisible ( basically change dimension) and very very quiet, take all their insults and smile at them, say thank you when they slash your tire, make them copies of your mail so they don’t have to go through the trouble of stealing it, when they wake you up at night with the noise that only them are allowed to make, tell them it’s no problem that you don’t sleep as long as they are feeling good… Then and then only might you be allowed to live there in peace in a cute little Swiss village.

It’s not like the Swiss are poor and they can’t travel, see the world, other cultures and learn all about them. They just leave their minds at home when they travel. Wait, that is when they have a mind. The Swiss love to travel and see different cultures but, they then come home to what they know, and that has to be the way they’ve always known it. The fact that they’ve seen other places or other ways of doing things won’t ever come in the way of their precious habits. Otherwise they ‘d start feeling unstable and frustrated. They think the way they do things is the best way, period. They can travel all over and see other people, stare at as many different things and beings as possible, they will still come home and think they do everything better than others. They couldn’t handle thinking in different ways even if they knew how . That’s what I am talking about when I say: The Swiss are primitive. My theory is the great fear that is engrained in their unconscious through generations is not helping them see how pathetic they are. Their conscious mind tries to survive by proving they’re not afraid , and by not changing anything, keeping their environment very controlled, they can put on that fake confidence that they’re the best at, better than others which is temporary relief only. When you challenge them in a conversation, they get angry when they see that they might be wrong. They’re a bunch of afraid children who are trying to act like adults. Adults never play in Switzerland. They keep proving that they are mature. They don’t like to play. When you tell them to try, they say that you’re crazy because they can’t be adults and play like children, that is just not how things work! It’s a full time job to pretend you’re mature. It’s tiring on them and it shows. It’s not really making them feel better to act all grown up even though they think it should. They can sense something is wrong with them, but they don’t know what it is. They won’t admit they feel something is off, they won’t see a shrink unless they can do so without no one knowing about it if they actually believe a psychotherapist can do anything to help them. What they do is say that life sucks. That is their favorite replacement of a cure. And their famous stare is a symptom of that awkwardness in them. The stare is about fear as well. There are people around them, they can’t just let them be, trust that they are just people living their lives, and why not leave them alone. No they have to stare to make sure they see, make the other acknowledge them. The Swiss have this thing about being acknowledged. They are never in their own world enough that they may not notice someone. And God forbid if you are in your own world and haven’t said hello or at least stared at them to let them know they exist, they start quivering, clearing their throat or saying hello twice or three times until you acknowledge them. The Swiss stare is nothing like the positive stare of latin cultures such as Italians or Spanish who might stare because they like what they see! Or latin women might stare to then gossip, as a sport. At the end of the day, these women don’t mean any harm ( oops unless you stole their boyfriend). They don’t gossip to settle their psychological insecurity, they do it for fun. The Swiss fell better when they badmouth others. It settles their agitated fearful spirit. Just like their evil actions against people who are not exactly like them, also settles their agitated fearful minds. Their need to stare is a lot more than “people watching”. It’s sicker.

All over Europe, men are “allowed” to stare at women…whether it’s done in a nice way or not! That’s a fact. In the US, for the most part, men can try staring, but women are allowed to protest, and it has been established that their protest is legal and has to be respected, or at least heard. In big cities in the US, I must say I LOVE how men look away when you acknowledge their stare or look, even. Coming from a country like Hell, I feel respected and free to want to be stared at or not, which is a luxury to me. Some American men unfortunately, move to Europe because of the fact that they like the power that men have over women in society. I must thank the American women who fought for that everyday privilege in the US, along with all the laws that are in favor of women in the US. European men will politely tell you : “we look but we refrain from touching”! That shows that all European men have the desire to rape but hold back sometimes… ! The fact and the matter is that women in the US and maybe Canada have it better than in any other country. And there are still many women’s organisations in the US who are there to help women who can’t be helped by the law. The worst part in Switzerhell is that some laws exist in writing, to protect women. In reality, the laws are never applied, unless maybe if you’re the daughter of a political figure or of a zillionaire.. Not an everyday thing! Lawyers have admitted that to me. The hypocrisy of writing that stuff as a law and telling other countries that the Swiss have these laws, to show the world that they are up with progress….ya right. Again, the image… Reality is different.

In Switzerhell, men stare at women in a gross way so often that, even when they like what they see, they hardly know how to change their stare, they can’t look at a woman without looking retarded! When they look at a woman because they really like her, they look like they have crap in their underwear, because of the fear or the awkwardness of not knowing how to handle a positive feeling. When they stare at a woman because she looks different, the clothing, the hair, the way of walking, whatever they’re not used to, they stare with disgust and hatred. They have got that stare down. They’re comfortable there. They then, look at the woman as if she is supposed to bow to them, earn the right to look different. Swiss men feel superior to women, and if a woman doesn’t have that submissive look when she looks back at him, they feel something is wrong. They feel like they have to show her the man is in power. Most Swiss women are trained to look at men in that “nice” submissive kind of way. If the woman knows the guy, she should respond with a nice smile and then look down. Switzerland pretends to be up on women’s rights. The Swiss will say loud and clear to other countries that new laws have been created in the last 20 years in the favor of women, but what they forget to say is these laws are very rarely linked to the justice system. These laws are just there to look pretty. This is a country where if you get raped you better have a witness that is man , and that’s willing to talk, in your favor! Because depending on who the rapist is, cops will say that the woman was dreaming, she wanted that man and she couldn’t have him so she provoked him! Or she is lying! She dreamt of being raped by the guy! It’s always the woman’s fault if she gets raped. She teased and played him, obviously. She flirted with him. Evidently. She wore revealing clothing. Harassment doesn’t exist in Switzerhell. The woman should be glad she is getting attention. I thought at one time I would try to go to the police for advise with one dude who was harassing and threatening me in that small hell-village with a great view. Basically they explained to me that men can threaten and bug women as long as they don’t do anything, I should not be bothered and bother them for that! I asked them if I was supposed to wait until I get physically hurt to then call them, they said yes and looked at me like I was crazy. These people are really a different breed, not because they are sexist, you can find that everywhere, but the way they can pretend to have this decent image when they face the world, but in their small police office of the district, they feel all powerful and right in every situation, even if they don’t make any sense. I am Swiss and I know how they think, but I am always amazed at how much stupidity and things they can away with in this world. That dude who was the super of the building threatened my life verbally because after all the whole village had put me through to make me move out, I was still there, and I dared slam my front door a few times by accident ( I had two dogs and a few bags sometimes as I would come home, and sometimes that leaves me with a foot to close the door behind us). I then went female lawyers for advise. They said there are only a few sexual harassment laws in the work place that lawyers have been able to make use of, on some rare occasions. Outside of work, a woman should have a husband , a brother or a father to protect her, because the law and society won’t. North American women don’t even know how good they have it. I know it took a lot of fighting to establish the kind of legal protection that women can enjoy in the US, and the fight in Switzerhell hasn’t even started yet. Swiss women are happy they have the right to vote and work. Some might get away with a pushy personality when they have a strong man who has their back. But Swiss women are fine where they’re at, they love to hide under daddy’s coat, and later their husband’s. They are too lazy to fight. There are a few organisations in big cities which advise women in Switzerhell. They don’t protect women really, just make them feel better and teach them how to behave and handle a situation. No one knows about these organisations, but they’re no secret helpers, they just tell women to calm down and “be nice”. I did some research on several organisations and I got an appointment with one of the women working there. All she gave me was advise to be polite to the man I was harassed by, because the law couldn’t do much… Another time I called another organisation to get some advise on the phone. No one answered so I left a message. An hour later the cops came to my house. They ran the bell. I was surprised to see cops, but was happy it wasn’t the guy who has been playing with scaring me. It was a foreign friend of mine who had been in Switzerhell for many years and couldn’t understand why I was friendly with him and not wanting more, so he was harassing me and scaring more and more. So I opened the door when I heard they were cops. They came inside as soon as I opened the door, didn’t ask me if they could. They accused me of calling a woman’s organisation for advise at night, and they wanted to know what the problem was. I called a women organisation to get some advise from women and I get two male cops coming to my place, at midnight, asking me all kinds of private questions . To top it all, one of the cops was staring at my breast the whole time I explained my situation. I couldn’t believe it. I could have been on candid camera that I would have thought more normal because his staring was non-stop, he would never look at my face. And I definitely got punked, but without the nice pad on the back and the laughs at the end.. The other cop, younger, was suspicious, as if he was trying to figure out what I had done, how I had provoked a guy to act weird on me or if I was lying and trying to get some attention! Why would I have to complain about a man’s behavior? There must have been something wrong with me. Evidently some of these women organisations are not real, just a link for cops to go scare women so that they would stop trying to complain. A few women ‘s organisations do give advise on what to do or what not to do to keep society the way it is, to calm women down, tell them what to do not to provoke men too much. If you’re alone and in trouble, they’ll advise you to leave town instead of trying to fight a man or a situation!! Switzerland is definitely not the country to live in when you’re a single woman and don’t have dozens of men on your side to have your back. Men and women will harass a woman until she behaves like a victim ! If you’re weak , you’ll take whatever comes at you, you can’t fight anyway so you’ll always choose the way out, running , staying a victim, crying, depressing and not saying anything. That’s the kind of women that they tolerate in Switzerhell. If you have an ounce of protest in you, they will play with you like you’re the only toy they have in their lives, and by playing I mean like vicious little brats. The country has been breeding weak, non- complaining , used to taking crap from people and not saying a word kind of women. Whoever opens their mouth too much or rebels a little is either quickly seen as crazy and outcast by the whole community, or so much shit happens to that person that they start wondering if they’re cursed. Some move out of the country to be able to breath. Basically if you’re not a family nor a Swiss man or a rich man, living alone is a struggle. The only creativity the Swiss get is all the different ways they come up with, to make a woman they don’t like move out of the building or the village, just like they made me move out of a few towns as soon as I couldn’t act like they wanted me to, as if nothing happened. Starting to open my mouth was bad enough to drive them nuts and want to show me who was in charge. The village who decided they didn’t want a certain breed of dog, nor me around, had the right, according to everyone, to do things against me to make me move out. No one thought it was outrageous, not even the many foreigners who live in the village. It would have been one thing if my dog had barked all day, or growled at people, or even bitten. I guess any decent village should have the right to gang up against someone bad or dangerous, but we weren’t. We were even extra nice in the beginning. But the thing is in Switzerhell, they gang up against women and dogs that are not to their tastes. Yes when you get to a country, you integrate, try to fit in to make things go smoothly. Well I know other women with dogs have made efforts that they shouldn’t even have made. Some young women with pitbulls I know make gigantic efforts to show people that their dog is friendly and so are they. Well these same women get as much crap as I got. And I can be nice in the beginning, but when it gets ugly, I just ignore everyone. I didn’t play any loud music, didn’t have friends over after 10 pm, didn’t jump rope in the apartment as I usually like to, didn’t talk loud on the phone with friends, etc, etc. I know Switzerhell and I made all those stupid efforts. It din’t count for jack. They don’t like a breed and that’s it. Adults shouldn’t get away with making people’s lives a living hell just because they dislike their breed of dog, or the fact that a woman is single, their brand of soap or their color of hair. I know a girl who had pink hair. Well she got harassed not by people her age ( young adults) but by older Swiss who have nothing going on in their lives. As for what I had to live through, either I would take their crap day after day, or I would scream once in a while. Screaming is all one can do. They are used to screaming females in Switzerhell, so they just laugh at her and say she is crazy. I don’t mind being laughed at when I know people are capable of much worse. Had I reacted strongly I would be in jail. I can’t even believe how much control I had not to loose it, living in some really bad and aggravating situations. I am not a calm person. The Swiss easily gang up on a woman who doesn’t have a lot of allies in the town. They can care less if a guy comes to visit every blue moon from outside, which was my case. Plus the guy who would visit me was pretty low-key. The days and nights he was with me, even on dog walks, I wouldn’t hear any comments from the prick villagers. This is grown-ass Switzerland! Rich and healthy adults! They so don’t have anything going on in their lives to be messing with people the way they do. With all their money, they can’t come up with passions to keep them busy, things to build or create. No they can’t. Well I am a single woman, not very submissive at all, with a dog of a breed they don’t like, and I have lived in hell for many years because of these Swiss ways of thinking and acting, and I am just a small sample of how ever so pathetic and vicious these Swiss adults are, but I have dug deeper and realized it wasn’t just me, it’s a way of life to f*** with the weaker person’s life. as long as they can get away with crime, they do it. And they committed the ultimate crime, they poisoned my dog, my son. All I have ever been able to do to defend myself or be ok, was take it, move to another town, with high hopes that things could be different, and after 29 years in the country I can say the whole Switzer-sh*t is all too much filthy people everywhere. I am now opening my mouth through these words for the first time and whether you believe me or not, because I know how brainwashed the whole world is about Switzerland, I at least feel like I did write this for myself and other women with dogs of the “wrong” breeds. I feel like Switzerland should be banned off the face of the earth, but what I feel doesn’t matter. Some Swiss women in high positions in society earn the right to open their mouth a little, but really , relatively very little compared to North America or even most countries in Europe! Swiss women in politics get to open their mouths as long as it is to say what men think , want and agree with.

To describe who lives in Switzerhell, we could make 3 groups. The first is the Switzerland of the very rich, mostly foreigners, some Swiss. Then there is the international companies’ working foreigners. The last is the everyday Swiss working or not, the people you see in your apartment building, at the store, on the streets, etc. The sad thing is, mentally, the Swiss who is earning a great living is no better than the unemployed half struggling Swiss, and when it comes to everyday harassment. Only big money can buy everything including peace, but Switzerhell insists on lying to the world about having the glory, of being a moral neutral decent country, with human rights. Switzerland has the rich thugs of the world living there or at least pretending to live there, owning an apartment or two, a mansion or two, with official residency. Many of them can’t get away with crime in their countries, so they flee to good old “we don’t ask you about your past as long as you bring money in ” Switzerland. Your dirty secrets are safe. And so is your dirty money! No one will bother you there! And magically, the more money you have the less taxes you’ll pay! It’s not in the law books, it’s just magic….And no one will try to kill you, the Swiss police will protect you, because they’re are trained to protect money bringing trash-bags and dirty money Swiss jackasses! The Swiss wouldn’t know what human trash is since they themselves are the best representatives . I always wondered what the term “Euro trash” meant when I was in the US. Now I understand why no one ever explained it to me. I am Swiss after all. Well I totally get it now. It is the Europeans who don’t give a damn about anything but themselves, who have no education about human interaction and who, if they have money, waste it like spoiled bastards. Well that’s that. Swiss people are Euro-trash with mental illness disguised in polite shy behavior. Watch out. Swiss people are ignorant and hypocritical at the same time. They’re closer to what Americans call white trash, but with a psychopathic tendency. When you ask the Swiss about the rich thugs who live in the country, they say that they are not thugs ( yes you can say that’s the only time they say something nice about someone), there is no dirty money in Switzerland… Right. Denial, hypocrisy or ignorance, whatever it is, it is outrageous. The rich Swiss will insist on the fact that they are not rich. You will see them live in a great villa with 2 expensive cars, and they’ll complain about not having enough money. They will complain and make other people feel bad for them, because they know that if others know how happy and rich they are, someone will try to break their happiness. The Swiss can’t stand when others are happy. Jealousy, viciousness will drive them to hurt the ones who are happy. Even if it’s a family with a man, they will try to break them, discreetly. Of course not as openly and as obvious as if it was a woman living alone, but they will take their time to plan something against the happy ones! One way the rich pretend they’re not rich is supposedly not being used to seeing many purple bills. The purple bill is the one thousand Swiss francs note, which is about a thousand dollars, the largest paper money. I have come across a few Swiss who , when they see someone paying with a purple bill, say: ” Waow you’re rich, I never see those purple bills!” . As if they didn’t have any. They want you to believe that after paying their bills every month, they only have a few hundred francs for food… I am driving on old car and living in a studio and I sometimes pay with a purple bill at the supermarket and everyone looks at me like I am from Mars. How dare I show my wealth?.. Sometimes if you withdraw a thousand francs from the ATM machine, it will give you a purple bill. The Swiss will automatically go to bank teller and ask for smaller bills. Only the foreigners will go about their business not even thinking about purple bill or not. The Swiss won’t show their money and happiness in fear that others will hurt them, and they also don’t use what they have, in fear of others. Some will have a shitty car and a super expensive one. They’ll drive the shitty car 90% of the time, not because they are afraid of theft or scratches, but because they are afraid that the wrong person would see how rich they really are. I talked to this family once who owned a huge fenced piece of land around their home, and were telling me who lived in a studio, how it was tiring to walk their dogs twice a day. I said it was great that they took the time to walk their dogs, but I asked them why they didn’t just walk the dogs once a day, since they were two and always playing together, they could let them go pee and play in the big lawn. They said that the neighbors complained about the dogs making noise when they were playing and the smell of poop that would be pushed by the wind to their neighbor’s window. So that huge piece of land, and 2 dogs who were not allowed to use it! The neighbors tend to be jealous and will complain just to bug them. I know that it was not an isolated case since I saw many well-kept lawns, while dogs were tied up to a chain on concrete behind the house. Switzerhell has to keep an image, too. If your neighbors’ lawn is dirty, you can go complain to the cops, and if the reason the lawn is dirty is dogs, then the cops will be happy to help these neighbors file a complaint. Or if these complaining neighbors slash the other people’s ( with the dogs) tires, the cops will tell the dog owners that they shouldn’t provoke their neighbors, that they should watch their dogs!

Rich Swiss will live in a decent way, but will do everything they can to hide how much money they have. The Swiss are known for their savings’ accounts’ fat bellies. They’ll tell you they’re broke when they still have 50 000 Swiss francs on an account. Most of them have a whole lot on their savings account. They like to save money. They have been taught to do so. It is absolutely not reasonable not to save money every month. They hide their money as if they were going to live two hundred years or more. The Swiss are not known to break long life records! They don’t live very long in general. They eat somewhat healthy for the most part, if you consider huge amounts of cheese per day healthy. Junk food is just now arriving to Switzerhell and Swiss people will take 10 years to change their habits. The many foreigners eat a lot of the new junk food, but the Swiss are slow so they hang on to their cheese and chocolate for now. The Swiss are not especially skinny, but most of them eat unprocessed food, which goes to show you that even if you eat large quantities of natural cheese, natural chocolate, you nevertheless get fat! When the Swiss food industry is going to realize the amount of money that they can make with the processed stuff, they will not, in the name of keeping the country healthy, hold back. Some processed goods are on sale already, but the food makers have to make stuff that tastes just like the foods the Swiss are used to, otherwise only foreigners will buy it.

So why do so many people immigrate to Switzerhell? The salaries are good , compared with most other countries. If you have a job, even if it’s not very intellectual, nor did it require a lot of studies, you’ll earn a very decent salary. That’s what makes people not open their mouths nor complain outloud. Good salaires also means people should be happy, so if they do talk badly about the country or the company they work for, they are fired, and/or deported. I was working for one of those “famous” ( the only famous thing is the tuition) hotel management schools and I was pushing the comments on how things weren’t working well and things were unfair for the student. As soon as a student came with a complaint, and I checked it out, I would agree that something needs to be changed. I would always agree with the student out loud. I would ask my boss or colleagues if you could do something about the problem in question, right away, as it should, if the school respected the clients, in this case the students. My colleagues would tell me that things don’t change and that I should take the school’s side and explain to the students that we will try to help them, knowing that nothing was going to be done. I just couldn’t do that. I had to try to get these students what they paid for. Even if I couldn’t, I had to try. I didn’t think I was going to get fired for it. Of course the reputation of these expensive low-class education schools in the world had been high for years. I am not sure if they ever of good quality education and things deteriorated. Students didn’t care much about Switzerland, the country, but they paid a lot of money to go to a school that promised them many things like luxury, comfort and great material to be studied and taught by experts, on the beautiful pamphlet. When they get there, it is not as they were told it was going to be: The luxury and comfort of the place and most of all the quality of the education is not up to part. Students would get mad but they knew that suing the school meant they would be kicked out of school and couldn’t finish their education. Most children who are sent to these schools in Switzerhell are sent by their parents. If the children complain to their parents, many times the parents say that they are exaggerating and that the kid is trying to play some game to come home. So no one sues. Rarely are the students there on their own will, and if they are, they alone definitely don’t have the money to sue. Suing a company in Switzerhell is very difficult and expensive. It doesn’t happen as often as in the US, by far. The system is set up so that anyone can’t just sue a big company. You have got to be rich, to be able to try to sue someone or a company. So I got fired because the Swiss CEO got word of the fact that I was agreeing with the students about their complaints, and not supporting the school ( or selling the bad product) like I was supposed to, even if it was not part of my job description. As a worker in Switzerhell, if you stay quiet, never speak up about what’s wrong or unfair ( and I just agreed with the students, I didn’t plan on talking to the press or anyone else), you can keep a job and make a decent living in Switzerhell. The Swiss work like mindless entities. They do their job, sometimes, most of the time slowly, and don’t really have an opinion about the work situation or how things work. They, among themselves would rather talk about the weather or badmouth whoever they know in common. In Switzerhell, they get pretty good salaries for doing minimal work. Everyone that works makes enough money to save some every month, or spend it on ridiculous stuff. If people weren’t such nasty daily backstabbers, it wouldn’t be such a bad place, even if people were boring, uninteresting and mentally off. But on a human level, it’s too hypocritical in the negative sense of the term. Hypocrisy isn’t bad for quality of life when it’s just smiling at people to make the day go smoother, even if you don’t like the people you smile at. But Switzersh*t doesn’t smile at nothing until they’re afraid of someone, mostly men. Fear will make them smile, to try to pretend they’re not afraid. Everyone is so negative, low-energy, non-motivated, believing in nothing but the fact that life sucks most of the time, or their victory on making other people’s lives miserable. The Swiss don’t smile or do anything to make everyday life joyful or positive. If you’re sensitive to that kind of thing and I am, you’ll feel how heavy the air is in Swiss society. The Swiss will put on that fake smile if they are scared of you, if you have much more money than them, if you’re a bigger guy than them, if you’re their boss and they’re telling you what to do or not do, or if you have a gun and threaten to use it. The only respect I ever got from neighbors who were stepping all over me on a daily basis was when I shook my knife in their face . Everybody has a knife and a gun in Switzerhell. What I did was take a big kitchen knife outside and scream to get them to see that I could only take so much. Imagine the quality of life when you have to show a kitchen weapon to your neighbor just to be left alone, to live your life in half decency. Forget the “good morning, how are you doing today?”. The only time the Swiss will ask you how you are doing is when they know you are not doing well and can’t wait to hear you say it. They can’t stand to know that their neighbor is doing better than them. If you’re happy and great things are happening in your life, you better hide them or not show them too much because the Swiss will either try to ruin your joy or make sure something else happens to you that won’t make you so happy.

The Swiss will tell you that criminality is very low in their stupid country, unlike the neighboring countries ( France, Italy, Germany, etc) where there is so much crime according to the Swiss! They love to throw numbers out! But those numbers come from the police who decide what to report or not to report… Most people don’t know about how much crime goes on in the country they live in. The Swiss image being very important, cops make gigantic efforts to hide crime. Some cops who work inside, at the precinct don’t even know about how much crime there is ! If someone gets killed, usually not in public , no one knows about it. A few times, you can read about a horror story like the guy killed his family with a hammer because the guy was not Swiss. It is a small country, it’s not like you can go kill someone in a desert area because there aren’t any deserted areas, unless you climb the highest mountains. There are always a few witnesses around when someone gets killed. Swiss people are trained to call the cops for little things like if you park in the wrong spot or if you play music or your dog barks after 10 pm. But the Swiss ( and the foreigners learn fast) keep quiet when it gets serious, like bigger crime, when they’re witnesses. If someone tries to talk, they cover it up and say it was an accident or suicide. The suicide rate is supposed to be one of the highest after Japan. Yes people are messed up in their heads, but few of them really commit suicide, they hurt others but love their little comfortable ( nice apartment, nice car ) life too much to hurt themselves! Most Swiss people think their country is the best in the world! These people are not suicidal at all! Sometimes you will see a road sign that says :”Accident”, and you can’t even drive around it or in the vicinity, the cops make you detour all around the region, because they don’t want anyone to see what really happened. You won’t even hear about any accident on the local news or in the local paper the next day. If you ask, they’ll tell you it was a car accident. Very well then, let us go about our day and feel very safe! It’s amazing how people feel safe, just because someone has told them Switzerland was safe. Smart foreigners get informed and find out about crime reality sooner or later. But the Swiss walk around as if the world was theirs and no one would dare touch them in their great country! The Swiss feel very safe because they erroneously think crime is low. Until one thing happens in their family, then they learn, but they still don’t talk about it because they feel so stupid having acted in an ignorant manner for so many years and felt so safe, when they could have been a bit more careful and could have avoided what happened. The ones that know are the ones who have seen something happen or had something happen to them . And most Swiss automatically believe that the ones who commit crimes are foreigners.

There is one small easy-to-read free newspaper that comes out everyday , where there are a lot of small crime stories that are starting to appear, but when you talk to the Swiss, they’ll tell you that they invent those stories to attract people’s attention and to have more readers so that people pay more money to advertise in their papers. It’s amazing how they won’t believe in the fact that there could be criminality in Switzerland, or if they do, they say it’s because of the foreigners and refugees who invaded the country. The Swiss are especially afraid of foreigners from Eastern Europe and Africa, because they say these people bring in weapons and they are violent people. Violent people…as opposed to vicious evil Swiss people who commit horrible smaller to bigger crimes in everyone’s back, in the dark. The Swiss talk about these foreigners bringing weapons into the country as if they themselves didn’t have weapons… Every Swiss male is allowed to keep his military weapons at home! Guns are being sold in newspapers, in stores ( all you have to do is show ID). So the Swiss have weapons but they don’t want any foreigner to have any. Of course they will allow foreigners to come in if they have lots of money. The large amounts of money and the villas these kinds of foreigners buy are ok to hold weapons according to the Swiss. These are respectable people, respectable weapons… evidently with all that money! But the other immigrants who come to work, make money, even work for free in the beginning, or low salaries, these can’t be allowed to have weapons in their apartments! These people are not allowed to defend themselves. Petty theft is often committed by poor foreigners who live near the border a lot of times, but aside from that, real crime is Swiss. There are occasions when the hard working foreigners are so tired of being treated like dirt, that yes, they will take action in a bad way, as well, and in that case Swiss cops will be delighted to beat them up because they know that these people can’t afford a real lawyer. One will be appointed to them: the one who will send them to their home country! Plus cops love to beat them up just to show them they can! I have seen cops beat Africans up in a not -so-great neighborhood in Geneva. They won’t do it in sight of the rich. Hannibal Kadafi was arrested and not treated so well by the Geneva police because the cops didn’t know who Hannibal Kadafi was at the time they arrested him. Street cops are not educated about world politics. They hardly know the laws of the next state ( canton). Hannibal was arrested for beating his employees, a man and a woman. I have to say if these employees were 2 women, cops wouldn’t have moved a finger. Hannibal being who he is, that was a big mistake from the cops. The Swiss always let rich foreigners do anything they want especially indoors, but who knows what these particular cops thought they were doing, and they messed up big time. The police force though, refused to acknowledge any mistake. Then, Switzerland used their mistake in their advantage, turned this action around in the media and tried to pretend to the world that in Switzerland, even housemaids can file complaints, and have their bosses arrested! BS! That was a big joke! I am still laughing. Switzerland didn’t know what to do when Lebanon made them pay by boycotting Switzerland and not letting planes from Switzerland land on their soil. The Swiss decided to stick to their story and not apologize because that would have meant the police was wrong, and the Swiss think they are so perfect that they would never admit being wrong to the rest of the world! After 6 months of Libya not giving up on revenge, there was one lame attempt from a “conseiller federal” which is a guy in the government, who went to Libya and tried to apologize. The Kadafis are not going to change their views and actions based on one Swiss guy coming to apologize, so they kept on boycotting Swiss imports and not releasing 2 Swiss guys they had imprisoned.

There are many house personnel in mansions all over Switzerland being beaten, raped, psychologically manipulated, and no cop would ever take down a complaint from a member of the personnel, much less arrest the rich owner of the house. The filthy rich have privileges in Switzerhell that they don’t have in their country, much less in other countries around the world. If a house cleaner or a maid goes to the police and tries to file a complaint against their boss, most of the time, the cops will laugh at their face, or let them fill out the paperwork and throw it away as soon as she has left the building. It reminds me when I was 27, in the town I grew up in, the cops wouldn’t let me file a complaint against a cop whose 2 dogs had attacked mine viciously, an hour earlier, and they laughed at me while I walked out of the police station. My little dog was bitten by 2 police dogs and if I hadn’t intervened, screamed ( like a crazy person) at these dogs and gotten my dog out of their mouths, he couldn’t have made it. It was a brutal attack. There was blood and my dog was limping. I ran away with my dog in my arms. The town vet wouldn’t even believe me ( really didn’t believe I was telling the truth) when I told him it was the cop’s dogs who attacked my dog. Imagine, I am a woman, and I was going to file a complaint against a male cop! Ha ha, that was funny. I’ll never forget these cops’ laughs. That cop lived on the same block as us. The next days and years, he still walked around with his 2 dogs off leash like he was king of the town. His dogs also made an old lady fall one day, and she hurt herself pretty badly. That cop could have cared less. A few years earlier the same cop’s son raped one of my girlfriends and the cops wouldn’t take her complaint nor believed her. That same cop used to make dirty sexual phone calls to the women in the neighborhood. My mother wouldn’t care, she would just hang up. She never told me until once I was alone and picked up the phone. I was terrorized. She came home and told me she knew and that he had been doing it to many women when they were alone, in the area, and that we couldn’t do anything against him because he was the son of a cop. Swiss police take complaints when they feel like it. Not too long ago, they also didn’t take my complaint when I wanted to file one about the concierge (super) of the building. When he threatened me , was about to hit me, and as soon as he heard someone come in the building, he screamed that I was slamming my front door and making too much noise, so that the person who saw him in front of my door would think he was yelling at me for the supposed noise I was making!! The asshole had stolen my mail, told the neighbor to make noise at night to wake me up all the time and they would laugh about it. The police said that the threat wasn’t enough to file a complaint, plus I couldn’t prove the other stuff was really him and not some other guy with keys ( …) and the cops also said it wasn’t a “big deal”, I should calm down and move out if I didn’t like it there. So basically cops decide who has the right to file complaints. I have seen rich folks file complaints for verbal threats in Switzerland…

The rich foreigners or Swiss, will have their lawyer file complaints for them. Even if they know the police is protecting their money-bringing selves, they would rather not deal with Swiss cops. They know that talking to the Swiss is like a big task even if you speak their language. So these people always have mediators, in order not to have to deal with the Swiss. There’s always a risk of their home security system breaking down. If that happened they would need the cops’ assistance. Most of the rich people use private security companies. Most of the foreign organisations and international companies have their own internal “secret security”. They will still hire private security from Switzerhell so they won’t have to deal with the cops at all. I worked for such a private security company for a brief amount of time. The kind of people who work there are crooks, just like regular cops, but with less power. Private security is very low pay compared to cops, or compared to the risks these employees are taking. When they train you, they tell you that Switzerland is safe and the goal of security is just to verify stuff and be present. They make the job sound easy. They give you pepper spray, a knife and handcuffs with your uniform. They give you a one day theoretical training and send you on your way.

Some foreigners who just moved to Switzerhell for work and just bought a house for their family are somehow convinced they are in a safe country. The brainwashing has worked. If you ask them why they think they are safe, they will tell you that their company has showed them pamphlets about statistics of the amount of crime in Switzerhell. Those pamphlets are written by Swiss Tourism! The pamphlet will also tell you that pedophiles will never get through customs on any Swiss border. I live near the French border in the Geneva region and there are at least 6 customs points where you hardly see a soul ever … People who think they are safe in Switzerhell always wake up within the first 2 months when they find their whole house stripped, empty when they come home one day, or their wife or daughter has a “strange ” encounter with a “strange” man, or they come home and notice one or two things have been moved but can’t really complain about it because it would sound silly since it was someone with the key that came in when no one was home and they can’t prove it. The Swiss have to be in control and know everything about everyone. So if you don’t have the 10 millions mansion with your home staff, you can be sure the Swiss have passes to those locks they built in your villa, and they will go through your stuff, to find out who you are, what you do, and to keep a few pieces of information, to show that they know everything about everyone. Someone might scratch your expensive car in your driveway if they don’t like something about you or your lifestyle. Your car may be stolen if they really don’t like something about the way you do things like water your plants or decorate your garden (!), unless you have enough money to scare the Swiss off. Then you may attract organized crime thieves. The safety in Switzerhell is an illusion. Because there is a lot of money everywhere, and the Swiss are not fast enough to be pickpockets ( and because they don’t have the skills to do it, they don’t allow any others to do it), people think that it’s safe. I think that 20, 30 years ago, small items like bags or cell phone would rarely be stolen. No one would take the risk, because back then, you could go to jail for stealing something like that. Now it just depends who you steal it from and who you are. For example when you would loose a sweater in the forest or in the park, you could go back the next day and most likely it would be there waiting for you…Not any more. And no it is not the foreigners’ fault. It’s mostly the Swiss taking it from you because it will punish you for having dropped it. As well, if you forgot something in the train, you would most likely find it at the “lost and founds”. Nowadays “lost and founds” are empty. Students at the hotel management school where I was working came back surprised that their bags and wallets were stolen in the train one day, when they were not looking. They told me ” I thought Switzerland was safe”!? I asked: Who told you that? The pamphlet? The school pamphlet? As for real crime, there is just as much of it as anywhere else. People just don’t know about it. Everything is hidden, because of the great image that Switzerland wants to keep!

Chapter 2 – Filthy people

It’s funny when you talk to a young Swiss male who just finished school, who lives on unemployment money because he couldn’t get a job right away, has never worked in his life, but is not very motivated to do any kind of job anyway, actually just likes to hang out with his friends and smoke weed. That dude represents a good amount of the unemployed in Switzerland and these kids could find jobs if they wanted to, but because they can’t get a job in their field, unemployment accepts to give them free money! Of course these stupid children think that because they have a certificate of some sort, they did their duty and if no one wants to hire them in their precious field, then they go cry for free money. They get it because unemployment is set that way, in order to help the young rats stay home, do drugs, plan evil deeds on their neighbors because that’s a national sport for young and old, and more importantly they bully women and less fortunate foreigners of the neighborhood. I talked to one of these young dudes once. He was complaining like life was unbearable ( for a young Swiss male in Switzerland, no not possible) because he couldn’t find a job in his field after he completed all this studying. Could he have gotten a job in another field for a few months, a year or two, like the rest of the young people of the world? No, that was unconceivable for his little narrow brain and lazy ass. The dudes will tell you how great their country is and how perfect the system is. Well yes for them. I know even young women are geared to take odd jobs when they’re unemployed when young men are advised to keep looking for a great job in their field only. There are many older people who lost their jobs, a job that they were somewhat good at and have years of experience in, and they go to the unemployment office and they tell them they have to look for a job in any sector, otherwise she won’t get unemployment money! The laws on unemployment have gotten stricter but amazingly illogical for a small country like Switzerhell. For example when I got back from the US, broke, couldn’t find a job for 4 months, but tried hard in various fields, I was denied unemployment money because there is a law that says if you have lived in a foreign country within the previous 2 years you have to bring proof of employment over there and that you still paid taxes in Switzerhell on that money, or a written paper saying that you have gone to a recognized school and gotten a diploma. I struggled with odd jobs to be able to be in another country than Switzerhell. Of course coming back was a mistake, but I thought if I can find odd jobs in every other country, I should be able to get at least that as soon as I get back to the country I am from. In Switzerhell, even if you want to waitress, you have to have had a certification in that field. It’s not that Swiss waitresses are very qualified. It’s just that the closed minded Swiss system says that in order to get a job, you have to have had your education in that field. If you’re over qualified, it’s not that they’re worried that you might leave sooner or ask for more money, but it’s because the Swiss brain doesn’t understand how one could be good at something else than what they have done and learned. So I got a nanny’s job since I had references babysitting in other countries. So in my case, I was denied unemployment money. I was left with nothing. Of course I am a single woman, so who cares if I live on zero money. The system is messed up for older people who loose their jobs as well. Young Swiss people should be advised to look for jobs in other fields than their own for a while , instead of having only the older crowd pushed into a job they know nothing about just so that they would leave unemployment. Older women who loose their jobs can never find another job, or they’ll find one that pays much less. Women are paid less in Switzerhell, for the same work that men would do. For unemployed men, they will always give them another job that makes a decent salary whether it is in the field they used to work in or not. It’s funny because legally, the old, males, rule the country but the young is being helped right and left in order to become a strong old prick. An old man can smack a younger woman with an umbrella and get away with it, when a woman is fined for insulting an old bastard.

So I came back to this Switzersh*t because I needed to make a bit more money than from odd jobs in various countries, and I could not get hired from Swiss people who surely could have benefited from having me as an employee for jobs that I was overqualified for. I was willing to take such a job for a year or two, giving me time to get an apartment, and settle back in hell home land. You’re back in your country, broke, because God forbid you had some fun and spent all your meager savings… Well the government is punishing you for having spent all your savings. If you can’t find a job really fast, you better have family that will help you! Well the Swiss only have a sense of family when it comes to Christmas. And yes, to get an apartment you have to show proof of employment…You better have family that can help you put a roof over you head too! Again family is not big on the ” why don’t you stay here for a while” thing. It’s more like ” my place is mine, get your own!”, and “if I invite you to my apartment for a few hours, you better not go into my fridge without asking!” In my case, my mother gave me a roof for a week then I got kicked out, for being too stressed out, too uncomfortable to live with . Yes that happens when you don’t have a place to call home, you don’t have a job and can’t find one quickly, even though you’re trying hard and willing to take any job. It is a vicious circle. Can’t get a job, can’t get an apartment, get more stressed out, doesn’t help to find a job…This is not about dissing my mother. She is just Swiss. She has helped me on occasions. I forgive her for being stuck in that evil Swiss mindset because I care about her. She was a single mother for a while in Switzerhell. That can’t have been easy.

While women who live alone, or without a man, have to fight every single battle, men are raised to feel powerful yet be very assisted by their country. These young lads who are so pleased with their country which loves them and wants to make them feel confident, also say that Swiss cops are so great, they protect everyone from all those crazy refugees and violent immigrants and even from those money bringing foreigners who sometimes have done things in their countries that wasn’t really legal….Truth is the rich thugs of the world don’t even know the Swiss exist , they just try to stay out of their way in their mansions. They have employees that do the shopping and accountants that deal with the bills. These thugs, most of the time, come to Switzerhell to raise a family and “forget” about their “past”or, their “other activities”, knowing that because of their money no one will ask them anything or bother them in Switzerland. And the country is rich because of them. They know that. Some of them do come out and mingle with society, they have small businesses like a corner store, hair salons, health clubs; businesses that don’t make a lot of money in Switzerhell, but they get bored so they open up a business. They live in mansions and drive Ferraris. I asked one of them once if he was making that much money in his health club. He said he was making millions. When you know the high salaries that employees get, when you know how much gym equipment costs in Europe, when you know how much real estate costs in Switzerhell, you know the gym is not a gold mine. He can make a profit if he gets enough clients, but his gold mine is somewhere else, usually something not too legal. I know there is corruption all over the world in every country. It’s just that: will the world stop thinking that Switzerland has integrity and is worried about human rights?

The world says that Switzerland helps the poor… Yes, there are two ways the Swiss help the poor: First and foremost is that the tax system is vicious on the middle class. Therefore, the middle class prefers surprisingly enough giving some money to charities every year instead of paying more taxes on their savings. The really rich don’t have to worry about that. The tax system is their friend. Secondly, if you’re a drug addict, there is quite a bit of free help. Switzerland has a soft spot for drug addicts. Or could it be because it’s a disease of the rich bored youngsters? Let’s help the desperate drugged children of the rich. Well and there is the fact that Switzerhell is big on suicidal behavior. Not only can you come to Switzerhell to commit suicide legally and sometimes pay someone to help you, but the Swiss love people who are suicidal. This could be said ironically, but it’s also not. The only time the Swiss will help his neighbor is when she or he sees that that person is hurting her/himself more than they could dream to have done themselves with their little vicious games to mess with people’s lives. Then, one or two might lift a finger to ask if the person needs help and they will be so amazed how much damage the person has done on themselves, they will learn from it to hurt others later on. So to these people, they will give a little money or time. The whole country has this fascination with people who act in a very suicidal way. Most of them don’t, all they do is try to hurt others without getting caught. So the country has set free clinics for drug addicts, some where drug addicts can go and get free doses of drugs, and others where they can get free advise on how to keep doing drugs, or maybe stopping one day… I never tried drugs because I knew I had to take care of myself, I couldn’t just let go and try to loose control, like rich kids. Even they sometimes can’t recover because all the help they get doesn’t help them to get rid of drugs, just advise on how to avoid overdose. Of course if you have parents who really love you, they will spend millions to put you in the few top of the line clinics in Switzerhell where they wouldn’t dare not giving satisfaction to the paying parents. Most people who work in these clinics are foreigners.

Yes, Switzerland helps the poor…. In the 1970′s and 80′s, the Swiss government and police would emprison girls under 18 who got pregnant. The girls who had no official parents anymore ( parents were too poor or unable to take care of the kid), orphans who had been placed in families. These families were told that they had no rights over these children if they got pregnant before the age of 18. The government wanted to give babies to couples who were looking to adopt. Adoption is not a free process… So these poor girls were forced to sign documents that said that they were willing to give their baby up for adoption. These girls were kept in prisons for months, sometimes years until they proved that they were fine with their babies being raised by some strangers. These women have only started to talk in 2009. The fear that the government would put them in prison again for just talking or asking questions about their children. In 2009, a journalist talked to a few of these women, and gathered many more. However, the journalist tried to get in contact with even more of these women who were in prison for being pregnant. The journalist hit a lot of dead walls when she tried to get information from city officials in various towns. These would say that all the documents from th 70′s and 80′s have been destroyed. Also some women are still scared and refuse to talk. Some facts like these poor women’s stories are coming to light here and there, but it is sometimes just to show today?s women how good they’ve got it. “See what happened to these women back then, you should be grateful that you have all the freedom that you have nowadays! And don’t even think of asking for more.”

In Switzerland, if you’re a woman who is strong and struggling to do better everyday, to better yourself, the Swiss will try to break you. You could say that’s a human habit that exists all over. But I stress the fact that in Switzerhell it’s everyone who try to break you , not just a nut job in your family or in your neighborhood or at work . It is not in the culture to try to better yourself, to show your confidence especially not as a woman, rather you’re supposed to just get a job, preferably the same job all your life, live in a discreet way. You can’t complain in public but at home, you complain about everything like everybody else. If you are trying too hard, and are different from others because you believe in more and better for yourself, they will try to bug you to say the least, mess with you in every way they can. Some will do it because it’s funny like bullies mess with other kids, but some will really hate you because they can’t comprehend your behavior. They like to have things simple and similar to the way things have always been. Surprise and difference scares them, stresses them out, and some of them will even try to kill you without getting caught, creating an accident with their cars because they think they have control of their car and can joke around, passing by you really close while driving! Choosing the day they hit you or not hit you for real. And if they are driving, they can make it look like it was your fault. Plus they know that people who kill by ” accident” while driving , are not punished very much by the law. A man killed a 5 year old kid not too long ago , with his car. Accident or not, he didn’t get any jail time, just a small fine! I have heard parents try to protest about that, but they weren’t rich enough parents to be heard really. So the Swiss have figured out that cars are perfect weapons. In the small town where I grew up mostly, where one of my girlfriend was raped by the son of a cop whose dogs have attacked my little dog and nearly killed him , the chief of police also almost killed me with his car when I was in 7th grade. I still don’t know if it was his careless driving or if he meant to run me over. I didn’t know the guy. I was surely not a troubled kid, nor got in trouble ever. But that guy who lived a few blocks down the road probably had something against the way my mother and I lived. A widowed mother who did one too many activities with her daughter when she should stay home and look for another man. Well the fact that that cop was driving a little too fast on a neighborhood road with no sidewalk in the icy winter time was no accident. He ran me over with his car, actually pushed me against a fence. I got out only with a messed up knee and a broken leg, luckily. My girlfriend who was walking with me screamed. She thought I was dead. I had to walk with crutches for a while. My mother was working and couldn’t drive me to school so she had to pay for taxis every single day to pick me up from and to school. As I said Swiss people don’t help, so of course the neighbors didn’t offer to drive me…The bastards chief of police had insurance. It could have paid the taxis. My mother tried to fight it, but he made it sound like it was my fault of course, I wasn’t walking close enough to the side of the road! My mother told that story to all her colleagues, but would anyone try to change anything? No. Cops do what they want, that’s a given.

A year later, the cop whose dogs attacked my dog, had the great idea to show me the cops of the town were all in power, by driving into me and my little dog, touching me with the front of his car, but luckily not hurting me, on that same neighborhood road. Who knows if he tried to run me over and missed or did he see someone walking by at the last minute and decided just to barely touch me? Power trips happen everywhere I get that, but so many criminal acts from the police going unpunished, back then, and still now? and no one speaking up, ever? It just can’t be, to have such a disgusting country with a great reputation! Nothing has changed from the time I was little to today’s world of Switzerhell.

I am not one who hates cops in general. Men or women who decide to become cops should have strong convictions about making the world a better place. They are many cops, in the US and Canada, I know, who are doing their best to do their job right. But in Switzerhell, there has yet to be one cop that I see and talk to who could prove to be a good cop. Some will tell you that there are few petty crimes in Switzerland and that the big crimes are difficult to solve and that there are special departments for “big crimes” that no regular cop is allowed to get into. Well whether it’s the system or the cops themselves, Swiss cops are the mirror of that despicable country. I have heard plenty of stories, but I’ll start by telling mine. As a child, I remember my dad being scared when people from a sect ( it was a dozen of men always coming together) would drive up to our house ( we lived in a house with two apartments, my parents were renting one of them), get out of their van and try to open our door with their old key. My father just told me they were a sect, a group and that I should never talk to them and should stay away from them. He said we had changed the locks so they shouldn’t be able to get in. They only tried to come in about three times within 2 years. At the time, I probably didn’t think anything of it, I was 6, but I never knew why my father never called the police. I have asked my mother later on but she is not a big talker about the past, she likes to skip that subject. I know that calling the cops for important and scary things is dangerous in Switzerhell. I just thought it was really weird that my father would get scared when these men would come to our door and turn their key around a few times trying to unlock the door. They never tried to come in through the windows or anything. they obviously didn’t want to attract attention in the neighborhood. My father would get scared but not call the cops. I learned early on that cops in Switzerhell help the rich and do whatever they want with the rest of the population.

When my mother and I lived alone after my father’s death , we used to have these men ring our doorbells at night. We knew they were men because they would talk in the hallway. Again, my mother never told me much about that. When they used to ring , she used to tell me not to open the door, to stay away from the door or stay in my room. She would never open. I was scared when they were there behind the door but since my mother told me to forget about it, I did. It didn’t happen every night, and since they would always go away after a while, I didn’t worry about it that much, at least consciously. She never called the cops. As an adult living alone, I now know that calling the cops if you’re a woman, you’re taking the risk of having them harrass you more than them helping you unless you’re bleeding to death I suppose… then they’ll call the ambulance…My mother was and is Swiss in the way that she knows to better shut up, ignore things, forget about things than call for attention, which in any case won’t help. My mother and I later moved to what we called a house because we had our own small piece of grass in front of the place, but it was an attached house, on both sides, to many other similar houes. We had a small garden but when we were in our garden, we were almost in our neighbor’s. Frankly, the inside wasn’t so bad for my mother and me. A lot of those houses were inhabited by families of 4 or 5. There were 4 rooms upstairs, small rooms but still 4! It was the biggest place I had lived in. It must have been an achievement for my mother to get us to live in a place with a small garden, which we had never had before, and I have to thank her for that . 3 houses down lived that cop with the 2 dogs and the rapist son. Well at first that cop used to come to ring our bell when we made too much noise after 10 pm. This was rare, when we had a special event, we would tell the neighbors, but there would still be a couple of them calling that cop or him saying that someone was calling, and he was glad to come over to see what was happening and tell us he was in power in the area and we had to follow the rules.

So that cop’s son was a sexual predator. Such a name didn’t exist back then in Switzerhell. No, people would just be allowed to say that he liked women… He would call women in the area and talk dirty. I didn’t know what that meant. Until I took the phone one day, I had heard of a lot of sexual things that I wouldn’t be scared of, but this guy had a level of violence and dirtiness that I never had been exposed to. When I picked up the phone I listened and I remember being so shocked I couldn’t move. I now understand what they mean by ” paralyzing fear”. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t move. I remember thinking I have to do something. I was telling myself: move! but I couldn’t. I finally hung up. I still couldn’t move. I thought to call the cop next door… I didn’t know it was his son who had just called, probably from his house! I had seen these people as neighbors for days, and never did I thought that that voice could have been the son of that cop. I just couldn’t believe it could have been the guy I would walk by, on a regular basis. I thought it must have been someone else. I still thought I should call that cop next door. I took the phone book and tried to turn the pages. I was still paralyzed, I couldn’t turn the pages. I remember thinking: “Turn the pages, faster!” I was unable to do it fast. When I finally got to the right page, I dialed the number, trembling. The cop came to the door, rang the bell, I opened, explained a bit about the phone call without going into details. He told me it was just a phone call, told me not to worry it was over… I then realized that it had been his son who called.
When I had my first boyfriend, this cop would stop him when he was riding his moped on the little path to the houses, where we lived. My boyfriend didn’t do anything wrong. You know how cops stop people they don’t like just to mess with them. I think that happens everywhere. In Switzerland one can’t drive a car before one is 18. So we used to have mopeds. I was always really careful not to get that asshole cop’s attention. I was riding really slowly around the houses, but he wouldn’t stop me, maybe to make up for his son’s violent phone call. He would always stop my boyfriend and threaten him when I wasn’t around.

When I came back to my mother’s house for a vacation with my 2 dogs later, that cop was furious to see me with a bigger younger dog than his 2 old chumps, plus of a breed no one liked, including him. He used to come in front of my mother’s door and have his dog piss on the front door. He had his dog piss on other people’s door and then he would tell people that my dog was the one pissing on everyone’s front door. My big dog had never seen the man, nor his dogs, but since the very beginning, he showed me he didn’t like them. I don’t know if he felt my vibe or Shiva’s, or if he just felt the scumbag from the get go. My big dog was still a big puppy then. Once day I was walking my dogs near the elementary school of the neighborhood, and my big dog decided he wanted to go play with the kids. I should have kept him from going but he didn’t listen. The things is in Switzerhell there are still a lot of schools with open playgrounds and yards. People used to walk through that big yard over there. I went to that elementary school and I remember men used to walk by, and stare at us. But men can do that. A man can walk through the school yard and stare at kids playing, can also walk his dog, but a dog owned by a woman and of the “wrong”breed, that doesn’t work. The old cop of course walked his dogs through there everyday. Well since my dog was a big puppy, he made a girl fall to the ground. He of course didn’t bite, he was playful and some kids seemed to like it, but since that girl fell and was crying after that, the school called the cop of the neighborhood, who called his superior, who then called me to go down to the precinct right away. He gave me a lecture, yelled at me about the things that could have happened, threatened to put me in jail and then sent me home with a huge fine that I had to pay within 2 weeks. These cops make up the laws as they go along.

I was walking my dogs in the neighborhood and passing by the chief of Police’s apartment building. It was the guy who ran me over with his car 10 years earlier. He lived not too far from my mother’s place. Shadow took a dip in front of his building. I was ready to pick up as always around houses. It was on a grass area, not anywhere close to his door. He came looking out of his window, and screamed: ” hey, maybe I should come shit in front of your house! ” I wanted to do a lot of things, but I didn’t say a word and I picked up the poop, and walked on. After what he had done to me, opening his mouth and saying that, clearly showed that he thought he ruled the world and that nothing could ever get him! I never did anything to him, and I probably won’t ever but my hatred is alive. By the way, I don’t believe in letting go of all hatred to be sane and healthy. Hate hurts and it’s bad for our health, but I am convinced that ignoring it is just as bad for our health! We just have to compensate with more happiness in our lives. The joy that my dogs have brought me is that happiness for me.

So how can one live in such a country? how can one be safe? Well like in the primitive societies, the man will show the outsiders that he is no one to be messed with. If the man of the house doesn’t have it in him, the Swiss use the other way to keep safe which is to be cavity sweet to everyone, meaning you spend half of your free time chatting about stupid stuff like asking people, neighbors, co-workers, what they had for dinner ( that’s a favorite Swiss subject) , talking about the weather, proving to them that your lifestyle is the same as theirs and your ideas as well, telling them how beautiful their garden is, and so on, basically kissing butt all day long so that these people may like you. I know many foreigners who do that to have the Swiss off their backs once they know what they’re dealing with. But you gotta have the time and the patience because it’s a lot of work! If the Swiss see that you’re smarter than them , forget it, you have got to act stupid like them, make the same kind of idiot comments that they make, think like them to come up with comments that they would make. I have tried that road, and it was painfully tiring but, as an experience, I can say I succeeded during the time I could hold it, they totally believed my sincerity (…). It is easy for me since I know how they speak, what they think. But nevertheless after a while I needed to breath and had to stop the act. Still as a single woman, if you are too nice to everyone, you will then attract the losers who think they can get with you, who think you shouldn’t be single. If you’re nice and politely say that you’re not interested, they will think that you are shy so they will insist, which is called harassment but they like to call it ” trying to be nice and helpful”. They obviously think that if you’re single, you are looking for a man. I not finding real men in that country, wanted to stay single, so I wasn’t normal to them. Once they try to figure you out, they spy and you can feel it, and it’s deadly. I, personally would rather mind my own business, not interact, chose to have to defend myself rather than deal with those disgusting men, which I don’t even call men, because a real man doesn’t have to prove he is stronger than the woman all the time. Can we get to a point in the 21rst century where the power of cave men could be dropped? Can we focus on communication, education, staying happy, loving other creatures of this planet? I’ll tell you what Switzerhell is going to take a few centuries to get to that point. As a woman, if you don’t have a man to “protect” you, then you’re up for being messed with on a daily basis. A man to protect you means that by just having a man, living with one, people will leave you alone a little bit more. Don’t think Swiss men protect their wives when they’re under real attack though. It’s funny they have learned from their ancestors to show teeth and let the next guy know they are not to be messed with, but when it comes down to action, half of them become their mothers, women I mean. I have seen a couple once or twice getting mugged or harrassed by a group of young guys, the man started running and left his girlfriend or wife there! I couldn’t believe it! Was I supposed to save that girl?? me as a woman alone? No because no one saves anyone there, but I lived in the US for so long where people help others for small things on the streets especially on a daily basis. Depending on how I felt that day, I would have tried to help that woman in a civilized country where people help each other and where I have been helped in the past. I remember being in Italy in the summer time when I was a teenager, and this older man started beating an African guy who was selling jewelry on the beach. I jumped on the white man who then realized that if I started to fight him, others might come to my rescue. I have gone to Italy many times, and sometimes alone as a younger woman on vacation. Nothing ever happened to me, because men will help a woman out on the street, a woman they don’t know even. Never did I feel scared to be attacked and that no one would help me, because for example, I saw women get slapped by their boyfriend and other men, strangers, would intervene. That doesn’t happen in Switzerhell, that’s why I never feel safe in that country, on top of the fact that the Swiss are mentally disturbed, and cops do what they want. As well, in the bus or on a train, I have seen in Switzerland many times and in Paris once: A woman is attacked… Everyone gets scared, runs away, no one helps! It ‘s very ugly! In the US I have myself been helped by strangers when a man was not even attacking me but just bothering me on the bus or in the subway. I can’t say the same for Spain . I have never seen women being attacked in that country maybe because I haven’t been there for long enough, but I have heard, men will step up to help women or anybody there. Helping people on the street is not a very Swiss thing either. If someone falls, slips, people will just look and do nothing, laugh maybe. They will stare and be glad it wasn’t them. It is such an ugly society. I slipped and fell once at a gym. Everyone stared at me,I got up they were still staring and no one asked how I was doing. Some laughed. A person could have asked : “Are you ok? “, at least… No, nothing like that in the Swiss culture!! And that happens all the time. I see it on the street, in public places, etc. What a disgusting culture. The French , on the other hand won’t help if it’s scary ( like a dude with a knife) but they will help if someone falls or hurts themselves. What kind of society stares at people when they hurt themselves and don’t even check or say anything! They don’t care. It’s not in their culture to care, to be human. Animals will help each other more often than the Swiss. What kind of culture is that? Great center of Europe? If it’s someone they know they might help or laugh if they have it them to do such a thing, laugh I mean. The Swiss are so dull that they forget to laugh, even in their viciousness of not caring if someone hurts herself, staring and walking away. I have never heard of any people that behave this way as a mass. I haven’t been all around the world but I have seen a few countries and I have met people from all over the globe. Foreigners living in Switzerhell for a while, rich or poor, know how the Swiss are but don’t really care as long as they don’t have to deal with them that much. They know this is not their country, so they look at it from afar, some with disgust , some with aberation, some with the comforting thought that it’s just a very small country on the planet and that there are many other better cultures out there. I am Swiss and I am supposed to integrate. Gee, why don’t I like these people? I used to try. Living abroad a lot, I would always think that they were not so bad, from far away, I would forget, choose not to think about them at all. Do I even want these people to like me? I don’t. I just wish I could have lived in peace in a country that’s not at war… Life is tough enough with getting a job, paying the bills, trying to meet decent people, that when you are minding your own business, not hurting anyone, and still have to be bullied, have to defend yourself, have to take all the vicious actions against you on an everyday basis, it’s heavy and not fair. A good way for the Swiss to tolerate you I know is if you have a family, just like them, if you have a normal job just like them, if you talk just like them, act just like them, even dress just like them ( good luck), take the same goofy Swiss accent . The Swiss like families. To them, that falls in the “normal” category. Yes, settle down with one of these chumps, pop a few monsters out, and finally you can have some peace from vicious citizens which are 99% of the population! Great. That’s actually what my Swiss relatives or work acquaintance would advise me to do when I would tell them about something that happened to me. They would say that I was of age to have children, and that surely I could find a man that suits me somewhere if I started looking. I don’t know what was more painful, listening to that or getting my tires slashed.. With the years it has become unbearable to listen to the Swiss talk, to me or to each others. I am now wearing something in my ears at all times, in Switzerhell. I wear earphones, earplugs. I have done my duty for 30 years, listening to them in many different areas. If only sometimes I could learn something from them. I watch the news on TV, and the French they speak is torrid, horrible, and of course sometimes Swiss people speak their minds on the news and the stuff they have to say doesn’t make sense at all. Thank god for the silent button. There are 4 languages in Switzerland, but how are they spoken? French is spoken with tons of grammatical mistakes, a lot slower than the real French, and with accents that make French not the most romantic language in the world, but the smelliest. Yes it is possible to have a smelly accent. When you compare two or three accents, you can tell which ones stink. German is not even German , it’s an atrophied dialect called Switzerduetch, which sounds like a bad Arabic dialect mixed with an acute disease of throat clearing. Italian is not nearly as melodious as the one spoken in Italy, and the 4th language is some mixture of German and Italian that was born because they couldn’t speak neither German nor Italian properly. It’s a shame to be Swiss, I tell you. Since shame is not a feeling I carry much, I have decided not to consider myself Swiss. I am from planet earth, could have been a better person had I grown up anywhere but Switzerhell, but even if it took me time to realize things, I turned out better because I had to get myself out of that filthy mental jail. The Swiss often tell me I don’t look Swiss just by the way I am and carry myself and they wonder where I am from. I have lived in Paris and like to say that unless I am very tired, I speak with not a Parisian accent but at least a better French than most Swiss speak. Of course many times and circumstances, I have to make an effort to speak with a Swiss accent so that the Swiss feel at ease and give me the information I need. When a Swiss speaks French like the French , she or he is insulted for being a foreigner in many circumstances. It happens to me.

The Swiss don’t like the French coming in and taking their jobs, because in the Geneva area, just like all and all along the border, there are many French who come to work in Switzerland. The French are so hated by the Swiss that they start to be Swiss haters . It’s only natural. Imagine the great atmosphere! When I lived in the mountain near France, I had to drive up the same mountain that the French drive up to go back home after work. They are such in a hurry to go back to France, they drive like nut heads. They know Swiss don’t drive that fast because as soon as they’re up the mountain, they’re home, plus they’re slow . The French will still have to drive a bit, go through the border and drive a bit more. But they would rather drive for an hour and a half than live in Switzerhell. When I was driving up, there was always a French up the back of my car, about 2 inches away. They don’t care about safety, and if you have a Swiss license plate, the French will hate you. It drives me nuts to have them glued to the back of my car so I slow down, it drives them more nuts, they give me the finger or pass and then slow down to bug me. It feels like a war. When the French have a French license plate in front of them, they give them ample room! The French who work in Switzerland will work side by side with the Swiss every day. Both Swiss and French hate each other, or rather pretend to get along and then criticize and badmouth each other when they get back to their own “clan”. Truth is the French who live near the border are so influenced by the Swiss culture, and especially when they work there every day. The Swiss are also influenced by the mass of French who come in the country for work. They are neighbors and they are more alike than they’re willing to admit, but they hate each other as if the other was such a different people, culture…

Switzerland holds the epidemic of human kind.

This is not a joke. The world doesn’t know and everybody should know! The government who insists on keeping the great Swiss image, hides its filthy people and trains them to fear everything that moves, that’s the strategy to keep the Swiss under control. The Swiss are such ungrateful haters that if they didn’t have that engrained fear of the authorities, they would be scary. The filthy Swiss are the vermine of the world, in a nutshell: uneducated vermine with money. It’s one thing to have poor people in the world who on some occasions become vilains and even vicious, whether it is to make some money or because they are disgusted by life being so unfair. A few Swiss are very poor, like me right now even if I don’t intend to stay that way, yet we the poor still get food on our tables. Salaries are pretty high compared to other rich countries, they have access to technology and other comfortable gadgets. Life is good. They still manage to be filthy haters who backstab others while pretending to be perfect! They backstab without decent reasons. Or is it that the whole country is mentally challenged? Possibly, but the aberrant part is that the world still thinks that the Swiss live up to their image. Drawn by the image, the world makes Switzerland rich by coming here on vacation, expensive vacation I might add. Most tourists are disappointed but they got their pictures and can say they went to Switzerland, and that’s the most important part. Swiss tourism has and is spending SO much money on promoting the country. If you look into the tourism industry, there are mostly foreigners who work to create the attraction for tourists across the world to go there and spend “beaucoup” money. Tourists are starting to realize the scam, to realize that they are better off going to France or Northern Italy for cheaper, better service and the same beautiful mountains! The tourists that Switzerland attracts nowadays are people over 60. Since there are less and less young tourists, the older crowds know they will have some peace. But what they don’t know yet is that hotels are struggling, and hotels need to cut down costs, so the quality of the food might be worse, or the service ( oh wait that was never good!), or the cleanness of their bed sheets and towels, the cheap labor may not speak anything but one language and not know how to do their job properly, or if tourists think that a 4 star hotel has the same standard than in North America or in Asia, think again! I know a few Asian tourists who were in Switzerland and were very disappointed with their vacation, are now saying: ” Next time we go to Europe, we are going everywhere but Switzerland!” The Swiss are not a people that will attract tourists. Have you ever heard: ” I am going to Switzerland because the people are just great”. I can think of several countries where people like to go for the people: Brazil, Spain, Italy, the US and Canada, Senegal, Kenya, India….Oh wait there are so many. A lot of times, when one plans a trip one thinks about the quality of the people. Well Swiss tourism has worked so hard that there can attract tourists just with their beautiful pictures and their old image of clean and safe, which is bogus nowadays. There was a saying in the US in the 80′s: Are you stoned or just stupid?. I ‘ll change it to: “Are you retarded or just Swiss?”. Again, I have nothing against retarded people, but they can’t be pretending to be smart, geniuses or intelligent.

The Swiss: The perfect idiots: They think they are perfect. Every individual thinks she or he is perfect and they also think “Swiss” is perfect, everything from their country , what they make, do, think, how they behave, etc. They think they are better than the great countries of this century, like the USA, Canada, China, Japan, Russia, India and many others. I know some countries are difficult to live in, there are no jobs, life is tough. That doesn’t make it’s people bad. around the world, individuals will admit to ” no one is perfect”, except in Switzerhell. Some Swiss have learned to put on that shy, awkward, modest attitude, which almost makes you feel sorry for them, until you get them confortable and talking.. I have visited poor countries with people who are living in very precarious situations and the welcoming spirit of the people is amazing, rarely hypocritical ( wanting money from tourists is hardly hypocritical), and their joy for life and sharing their time, home and even little food they have with others can be seen in multiple areas of the planet. It is the far opposite of Switzerhell. If the Swiss wanna spend time with someone, it is to get something out of you. It is work for them to spend time with someone because they have to come up with subjects to talk about, keep up the fake image of themselves the whole time. A lot of work that is, for the Swiss. The Swiss of course won’t agree with me. The Swiss-French will tell me that they are more open to talking to people, strangers, at bars or cafés than their Swiss-German friends. Well, let’s not forget that some of these people spend their lives at bars and cafés, in order not to feel lonely, and hoping to meet someone, whether they are married or not. The funny thing is that the Swiss-Germans will tell me the same thing, about being more open to talking to strangers than the non-tolerant Swiss-French. The difference between the French , German and Italian parts are small habits in everyday life but there is no major difference, even if they sometimes think they are so different from each other! Even if a good 40% of the population knows at least one second language, it is not always a language spoken in Switzerhell, while the 60% of the population only speaks the language of their small tiny part of the world, and never learn the other languages of the country. Why should they? If they live and work in a city and don’t ever travel outside their area? Well they will travel further on vacation where a good broken English will be enough to survive the holidays. The Swiss think they are the best thing on this planet. They therefore, are lazy, don’t make extra effort to educate themselves about other things than what has to do with their jobs, their families and maybe one interest that they may have and for which they don’t dedicate much time because being passionate about something is a foreign thing. They totally think they’re perfect or very close to it! Really they’re pathetic. If you live in the US, you may have met a person who thinks she or he does everything great, but she or he REALLY doesn’t and she or he will tell you that knowing that you’re good is great when it is true, because there is competition out there, in every field. . Well imagine a whole country of people who think they are the best at everything without knowing about how many other people on the planet are a thousand times better than them! The French, who are much like the Swiss, are less pathetic even if they like to talk and talk about things, ideas, or activities more than actually doing those things .For example I took acting classes in France: actors and teachers will talk about the role in every aspect for three days and maybe actually try to play the role for a minute. Same for dance classes: teachers are going to explain every little detail but you won’t get to practice! They like to talk a lot and they like to brag, but at least the French somehow realize what goes on in the world, they are curious and like to learn a bit more, to then be able to talk about the new stuff they learned. The Swiss can talk about the same stuff like the weather, over and over, and always say that they know everything about the weather and that they’re right about everything! Or better, they will talk about psychology which they never studied, but they will tell you that they know everything about psychology because they know people! They think they do everything perfectly, from their laundry to how to renovate their old farm. They like to think they are proving how perfect they are by showing how great their clothes are, how perfect their cars are, and how perfect their homes are, how well they can say hello to everyone all the time and be so very polite. They also show you their way of living by having bay windows on ground floors of their villas and they make sure people passing by can see them cook, eat, watch TV, walk around the house, clean, etc. If you walk around Switzerland, you will see the amount of “aquarium” houses. In small villages like the rat-hole with a view that threw me out, or big cities, the Swiss love to expose themselves, and show how well they behave. At night, they have their lights on and you can literally see everything, what they do, eat watch on TV… I don’t spy but I do walk my dogs at night like many others. The Swiss know people stare so it’s not like they think no one looks at them. Windows of those expensive homes are rarely broken. If someone needs to make these people pay, they will do it more discreetly. Of course in civilized countries, people would not stare even if they would find it odd to see people in their homes like that. What fascinates me is how these rich people can mess with poor people like me and still be so sure that nothing will happen to them. When I was living in the rat-hole and practically the whole village decided to do everything to kick me out because of the breed of my dog, and that they didn’t want such a dog walking their streets. The people with the aquarium houses which were many in that village would gather up on week-ends to go hiking on paths where I used to go every single day. They would bring their sticks and provoke my dog by screaming and insulting me and the dog. My dog would just bark at them. I was boiling inside for some of the things they said like: ” These breeds should be eradicated off the planet, and maybe the owners too!” Also in the morning when I would go for my morning walk sometimes early, just when they were leaving their house in their sports cars or their expensive SUV’s, I had to run away because they would like other Swiss, use their cars as weapons. They would accelerate in my direction and since I always ran and pulled my poor dogs who didn’t know why I would start running really fast all of a sudden, they wouldn’t get me. I would walk the dogs again in the afternoons and would sometimes see the same bastards in front of their house, confident and afraid of nothing ( I am just a woman!), smiling like they knew they tried to kill or scare me but knew I wouldn’t dare do anything to them because they had witnesses and the whole village was on their side. They would be standing there washing their cars…Obviously I didn’t do anything to them or any other villagers who messed with me to make me leave, for 2 years until I did leave. I wanted to retaliate, I still do, but who do I start with, that’s the problem? The concierge? The aquarium houses? Which one? How? Shoot them all? Impossible to get away! I had so much hate for these people, and the frustration of not being able to do anything! As long as they hate as a group and mess with one person’s life, especially a woman, they still think they are perfect and they do nothing wrong. To them I was the vilain just for having a breed of dog they thought was dangerous for their village. Like there is not rape, murder or theft in that village…Even the “commune”(= town administration office) had 5 thousand francs stolen one night. Truth is they think whatever is bad comes from the outside of the village, these people have created a village clan and they decide who lives there and who doesn’t. They think they live in their perfect little world. They don’t even know that their neighbor is a murderer or a rapist. They choose to think their village is perfect. They keep their great fake image and then secretly talk trash about their neighbors in their million francs homes!! Not only do they have psychological problems about denial but they also have no spirit, no soul, no humanity! There is this old man in the village who also tried to scare me to move out, he has a car with a sticker of the Canadian flag in the back. He was in Canada once and thought it was like Switzerland (…) so since that village has quite a few foreign residents, he shows off his so called love for one other country aside form his own dirt hole. He thinks he is so worldly and then used to waste his time following me and the dogs in his car very slowly but just to show he can follow me if he wants to, to show me that I am not free in the village and that I better leave, because of what? The breed of my dog? And he claims he likes another country when he really lives in his village chalet all year round. I was there 2 years, that old man and his wife didn’t leave for more than 2 days. The Swiss are filthy ( I am sorry have I said that before?). Go and spend time or an evening with all Swiss people, you’ll feel the vibe ,the depressing, disgusting vibes. I have spent many nights out in the past, when I was still trying to say that not all Swiss were alike. Boy was I positive and hopeful for a long time. Now I am just realistic! I can tell you, now the gym is the only place I get close to a lot of Swiss at one time, and I wish I could avoid it but I love the gym. These people stink both in and out: I am not sure if they don’t take showers in the morning or they just exert a strong cheese smell from all the generations of cheese eating people!! I know some don’t take showers in the morning, they just take one at night or after the gym: they think one shower keeps the doctor away! Yes and everyone else who has a decent sense of smell. But I don’t know I could be wrong with some people, they may take showers, their natural odors may be that bad that they can’t rid of the smell, and especially when they sweat, the smell comes out. And since at the gym it is forbidden to open windows ( I am not joking) because there is a ventilation system installed…That health club has bay windows all around, a lot of light but no air… Practically they are windows that one can open but it is forbidden! The gym personnel says that it’s because of the noise and the inside ventilation system that works well. The noise shouldn’t really matter since that particular gym was on the top floor of a mall, and the ventilation system is not as fresh as the air outside. If there is one good thing positive in small towns in Switzerhell it’s the fresh air!!!The outside fresh air! The Swiss haven’t learned that inside polluted air can be worse than outside air even in the city, which in this case wasn’t in a city, but a small town, tiny town. So I could smell these people, of course men more than women, mostly because women wear perfume, lots of perfume to go to the gym. The perfume makes it all better….Well if I have to choose I’ll take a toxic perfume over a stench that I cannot describe, since living with dogs I could be used to dirty wet animal smells, but I have never smelled such a horrible smell! Swiss men stink, it’s torrid. It’s like a bum smell actually. You know when you pass by a bum in the street a bit too close, you can smell that the body and the clothes haven’t been washed for days. Well it’s that one , mixed with a cheese smell! And they shower once a day! I myself try to stink so I won’t smell their stench . If I stink I smell my own first. So I tried not to take showers in the morning ( it’s gross but it’s called integration), I eat a lot of garlic and onions. It works, I smell bad, but they still win, their smells are stronger. At a certain point when I lived in my chalet that had no running water, I would wash myself with boiled water in a big cooking pot. I didn’t feel very clean. Well even then I would go to the gym and still feel like they would stink more. I know many times we think our own smell doesn’t stink because we’re used to it, but the sense of smell is my one very developed sense. But when I smelled a man that smelled really bad, I had to leave the area. Well no one ever left my area! I wish they had! So don’t nobody say that the Swiss are clean! They are trained to keep their streets clean that’s about all that is clean, even if now things are changing. More people, more dirt. They are fighting to keep the great image of Switzerland! Clean and Safe! The cops used to give tickets for littering in certain areas, but now they get lazy . They of course love to give tickets for dogs with no muzzle, especially if it’s a woman holding and walking the dog. Muzzles so help dogs be so much nicer dogs…..

Geneva cops are busy giving tickets to people walking their dogs without a muzzle, for the 13 breeds that have been targeted and designated as the dangerous animals of the Canton ( equivalence of state). 13 breeds but not the Doberman nor the German Shepard nor the Saint Bernard!! Basically pitbulls and Rottweilers and then everything that looks like them. Since Swiss fools don’t have the time nor the desire to learn about all those not so famous nor known breeds which now exist in Switzerland, they say they are like Pit-bulls….makes it easier! These dogs are now forbidden in Geneva, meaning if you have one you can hold her or him on a leash and a muzzle 24/7 when you go outside, but you can’t have a puppy of those breeds. They would like to pass a law that requires those breeds to wear a muzzle at home but they haven’t succeeded yet. Yes because many accidents, meaning bites occur in the dogs’ homes, while in contact with people they know…The Swiss so don’t know what a dog is, how dogs react, the Swiss think it’s cattle, and they still don’t know anything about how cattle acts and reacts, scientifically. The problem again is that people think they know everything about everything. They will tell you ( when you have the pity to waste your time talking with them) that they have had dogs all their lives and that therefore they know all there is to know about dogs. It’s one thing when a poor country doesn’t know about animals that are everywhere in the cities, country sides, and in a large number of homes, but when you have a rich country that doesn’t know and doesn’t try to learn about canine behavior … There are dog trainers in Switzerland where people go take classes with their dogs, of course it’s more for the owner to learn about how to train her or his dog. Most Swiss trainers work with the ancient method of punishment. Some trainers tell people to fix their dogs, some others tell them that it’s all a lie and that dogs are better off “natural”, meaning unfixed. Some say sterilize only females. Those are a reflection of the country. Women should go through the operation while boys should stay boys! It would be a sin to cut their balls! When you walk down the street, anywhere in Switzerhell, people are screaming, asking you if it’s a boy or a girl, because they’re afraid for their dog that if it’s the same sex, your dog will automatically attack their dog… Everyone has learned somewhere that dogs of the same sex cannot get along in any way.

The stupid cop whose dogs attacked my smaller dog, were supposed to be highly trained. This cop is known to go to every dog training contest in the country. He has a bunch of medals and gold winning cups from dog training shows. He was there when his dogs attacked my dog, he tried to call his dogs once . Oh well, the dogs didn’t come back to him so he watched as I jumped in trying to save my dog from his 2 dogs’ mouths, pulling on my little dog while they still were holding on to his legs! I screamed so loud that I finally scared the 2 dogs. These 2 trained champions couldn’t respond to a “come here”. It is easy to train dogs in a ring when there is no distraction! The Swiss train dogs like they trained horses in the 1900′s. My big dog is trained, I mean trained in real life. He listens to me when there is distraction all around. This dog listens better than any Swiss dog I have come across. The Swiss are scared of my dog because the way he looks and the fact that a woman has such a dog trained. I am scared of these people because of the way they think. I guess we are all scared of each other in Switzerhell! I know what they are capable of, or think about doing. It can be about dogs or other things. Living in that country is a living hell. It smells like corruption, silent scams and hypocrisy everywhere you go in the country. The only time and place it smells a bit fresher is when you’re alone in the country side, which is rare since it’s a very small country and whenever you walk 3 miles, you’re bound to hit the next house , farm or chalet, or other hikers. You have to know where to go, early, late or when it rains to have some time off from this filthy people. I am sensitive to comments and insults mainly because I have heard them over and over. I can’t ignore them like some foreigners who live here who always tell me to do as if these Swiss people didn’t exist. It’s easy to give advice when you are not living the situation. They don’t have to listen to the comments, insults, the looks, dirty looks every single day. Before getting my big dog, I went to see a few Pitbull breeders. I thought a pitbull, female, would be small enough and could play with my smaller dog. I remember one professional breeder telling me on the phone that he didn’t think a pitbull could get along with a smaller breed! That was a professional breeder! I could see if I could find an adult Pit-bull from a dog shelter but all shelters would also tell me that they wouldn’t let me adopt a Pitbull with my little dog. That shows you how ignorant these people are about dogs!! Another breeder that I saw was a couple. The woman was telling me how difficult it is to live with Pitbull in this society. I said that I didn’t care about what people would think or say. That’s what I thought until I got my dog and lived the hatred every day. As a puppy they hated him already. He was not a Pitbull but looked similar. He was so cute and playful and he got hit 3 times in the forest by men with their sticks because the puppy was coming to them all nice and playful, and “bang, bang bang” ( I could still see it and hear it but couldn’t stop it before it happened), they hit him. Three different men in different forests. Each time I couldn’t believe it and thought it was an isolated case. 3 times as a puppy in Switzerhell!!! Men think they can beat a woman’s dog to teach him a lesson. They wouldn’t do it to a dog whose owner was a man.

Then in Paris when I least expected it since in France people tend to be a bit more tolerant. In The Bois de Boulogne, a man hit my dog because my dog was playing with his lab and he thought it would turn sour. I told him that it wouldn’t and he insisted. I didn’t get a chance to call my dog when he kicked him with his foot right in the ribs. I can still hear the noise. In the same wood ( Bois de Boulogne ), another guy pushed my dog down a hill with his knee as he was running, instead of running around the dog. It was a small narrow path. I yelled and he said he didn’t like “these” dogs. I was living in Paris for a year. I had a very small room ( what the Parisian call chambre de bonne) at the top of a building without the privilege to use the elevator, in exchange for babysitting and homework help for two teenage girls. It was a small room, so I went at least 2 hours every morning in that wood to walk the dogs, throw some balls for Shadow since there was no one who would let their dogs play with mine and he needed to run and get some exercice. Oh they wanted to let their big dogs play with my smaller but not the big one! The French are not afraid to say it. They’ll tell their dog: ” play with the smaller one” and if the dog chooses the big one, they’ll call and get their dog, or hit their dog if he is not listening. Sure, I’ll hold my big dog while your German Shepard plays with my 10lbs dog!! Occasionally, I would come across a young guy with a big dog or a Pitbull and he would let our dogs play. There was one nice couple who had a medium size dog called Junior. These people were cool and the dog would play with both my dogs. That was an exception. A lot of times, a dog would come to play with my dogs and the owner would frantically call their dog to come back. These people definitely acted like the Swiss. Parisians are assholes but some of them like dogs. The Swiss don’t like dogs, except maybe their own, which they often consider the entertainment of the family. They don’t quite see their dog as a member of the family, but not as a dog either. Their dog is the funniest creature they have got around. They will hit the dog to teach her or him lessons ( they call that training), but since the dog makes them laugh like no one else in the family can, they have a soft spot for the creature. But loving the canine specie is a different story. People have dogs for protection of their homes a lot of times in Switzerhell. Some have them to replace a friend, and then the dog is educated like a child, doesn’t know his place, then bites the owner and the owner brings the dog to the pound. Dogs do not socialize in Switzerland. A person sees another person with a dog, they hold their dogs tight, it’s not just with me and my dogs that they do that. I have seen them do that with all dogs. There was this American woman I met here who had a big dog, a sweet heart. This big hunting dog had been raised in the US in a family with children. The dog was sweeter than sweet. The Swiss hunters during hunting season threatened to kill it if they saw the dog more than 5 meters away from its owner! There is a law that allows hunters to kill stray dogs, a dog without an owner visible. There are no stray dogs in Switzerland. If there are he gets shot as soon as they bring him to the pound, unless he’s got a tag with a phone number bigger than his head so they can see the tag without touching the dog! I don’t know why dogs are allowed in Switzerhell. Well, they did already prohibit 13 breeds in some parts of the country. The St-Bernard is allowed everywhere of course, and the Bernese too. They say St-Bernards are always nice. What is that for a stupid comment? My mother and I had a Bernese when I was little. My mother took him on a big hike one day, they went near a herd of sheep, and our sweet Bernese dog attacked and killed a sheep! As a child I didn’t know how to raise or train a dog. My mother as every Swiss, either. She thought she did because she had one as a child herself. We did our best, he never bit anybody, but he killed a sheep.

When I left home when I was 17, my mother was happy to have our Bernese for company but she spoiled him with food. He got fat and he died not long after. The Bernese my mother got mostly for me was our dog, but I never really bonded with him I don’t think. Hence the need to say one more time: Don’t get a dog for your children! If you as a parent, want a dog, great, the kids might enjoy the animal around the house, but otherwise please, get your children a cat, a mouse, a Guinea pig, a rabbit! Dogs are too dependant on a persistant and constant leadership. And most of all, they deserve love and respect for their loyalty and the kind of work they do for humans!

Even if I send deep love to our lost Bernese, Sirius, to whom I say I am sorry for having been too young and too Swiss to care and learn about dogs back then. My first dog as an adult was my Shiva. I will not be sorry for having given him a God’s name. Dogs are men’s most precious friends. Humans take them for granted and they are God’s creatures. The lady that came to my place with 2 brother pups doesn’t know how much I have loved that dog. I had to choose between the 2 brothers. He chose me actually. His brother was busy running around the apartment, peeing in the corners. Shiva was my first love, Shadow my second. These dogs taught me how to love. My mother nor anyone in Switzerhell ever taught me love. Sure I instinctively knew who I was attached to, and later attracted to, but pure love I learned from my dogs. It took me a while to learn too. My mother gave me all the essentials, food, shelter, vacations, but she didn’t teach me much about life, love. I have loved these dogs, even though I do give tough love a lot of times, but dogs need the boundaries to stay the same. When my Shiva was attacked by those 2 police dogs I felt something I had never felt, I felt my claws starting to grow. I developed the “protective mother” that was inside of me. Shiva was limping after that attack for a long time ( the vet of the town didn’t even want to treat him since he said it was impossible that the dogs of the nice town cop had attacked my dog) . The second time he got attacked was in a ski resort in Switzerhell, a stupid place full of rich idiots and the “poor” Swiss who try to make money off them. My dog was bitten under the eye by a Dachsun. He had blood all over his eye. The stupid owners of the Dachsun said it was my fault as his eyes was pouring blood! They said that my dog came to theirs first! What kind of reason was that? And why couldn’t these people feel the least bit sorry? They saw this little dog who just came to say hello to their dog and he gets bitten and bleeds from the eye! I thought he lost his eye. I was frantic, my dog ran to me, I carried him and ran like a crazy person to the only vet in town. I got there and the vet was on lunch break. His secretary said it wasn’t an emergency, she barely looked and said the eye is still there. I was furious. After waiting for an hour, my heart beating at a hundred beats per second, the vet came and looked at my dog, cleaned the eye, gave us antibiotics and said he would keep the mark forever but it was not worth sawing up the skin around the eye. Ok. At least he was ok. Then she asked me if there had been a fight and if the other dog was ok. I reassured her and said that the other dog was perfectly fine, with his sensitive owners. That is how the Swiss are. They don’t give a dam about other living creatures. I don’t think that’s how humans were supposed to evolve to.

That country is absolutely a nightmare to have a dog in if you care about your dog. But it showed me the real nature of the Swiss, which, without my dogs and what we went through, I might have not discovered. It opened my eyes for other stupidities of these Swiss people that sometimes in everyday life, one doesn’t notice when you are focused on your stuff and your worries. I am thankful to my dogs for having opened my eyes to this great Swiss culture….I just wish I could have learned earlier in life: Ok That’s that. I now know and let’s get out of here.

I had been through the insults, comments, impossibility to live in peace with a dog of an unwanted breed in Switzerhell. I went to New York for a year with my 2 dogs. A friend of mine needed me to work with him in his business. In exchange I would get a roof, and some extra money when he was in a good mood. Yes it’s always a risk to work in exchange for room and board, in a country where you are not legal to work. With such situations, it’s hard to be independent. My boss, which was also my friend was not being very nice to me. I had to work a bit more than expected, and even if I should have been entitled to get some money. Anyway it was a bad situation. He knew he was an ass to me, but what he didn’t know was that for me to be in New York with my dogs was a privilege, and the pain that I had to go through with that guy wasn’t so bad in comparison to life in Switzerland. Being from Switzerhell and having lived what I had lived with my dogs was sort of like being from a country at war. In New York I could see some people didn’t like the breed and the look of my big dog, but there were enough other people who gave me compliments about my dog’s beauty, like never in Europe. But in any case, I then was out of a visa and had to come back to Hell.

Broke, I found a single mother with 2 kids in France right outside of Geneva, who was willing to take me and the dogs in her basement in exchange for baby-sitting. Actually she liked the idea of having a big dog in her basement, in her house. as a single mother, she didn’t mind the extra security. The dogs loved the kids and vice-versa. The mother however turned out to be a thief. Every week she was supposed to pay me a bit of pocket money on top of the fact that we were getting a basement room and I was getting food ( gross cheap stuff all the time. Tell me again that the French know how to eat!!Not all of them that’s for sure). The lady would start saying that she couldn’t make ends meet. Truth was her house was being paid by her Swiss ex-husband, and she was sleeping with this other Swiss guy who would give her money every month. She wasn’t doing so well! The poor kids had that for a mother though. Well mothers are rarely perfect… One day she called her parents over. They all asked me to come the dinner table to talk. They wanted me to work more hours and get zero money at all. She was paying me peanuts which I had agreed to because I needed a roof over our head for a while. But now she was trying to say that I was not legal to work in France and that I shouldn’t get any money at all, so if I wanted to stay, starting the following week, I had to work more hours. I couldn’t believe it. I said no and that I would leave. She said she couldn’t find another baby-sitter in such a short time and she started hitting me like a teenage girl. Her parents were on her side. They said that if I tried to hit her back they would call the cops. We were in her house after all. I ran downstairs to my dogs. I called the cops myself, just to get out of there. These people were nuts. Well they were half-Swiss. So I left, went to this Swiss lady living in France with her 3 dogs. I used to see them by the river for morning walks, and begged her to rent a room in her big house. I insisted a bit which was uncomfortable, but she did agree to rent us a room on her top floor, with no heat. Or rather there was heat but she agreed to rent the room unheated for 300 euros per month. The lady had 3 female dogs which my boys loved, so we stayed there for 3 months. It was tough to sleep in the cold and actually my little Shiva got a bad cough, I couldn’t take him in my bed, it was a small tiny bed and it was high. I was afraid he would fall down. I had never taken my Shiva in bed at night because I know I kick, I move and he is very little. Shadow was cold, but all right. Those 3 months were fun to walk all the dogs in her big piece of land. She had a Beauceron, a Shitzu and a small mutt who would bark like a nut, and my boys loved all these girls. I started working at a gym in Geneva, then I started teaching English and French to adults, and soon I got my own apartment very close to that lady’s house so the dogs could still see each other. The place was a ghetto though, with French hoodlums who would love to provoke my big dog to see if he was a “real bad dog”, every time I went by. My dog would didn’t like these nut-heads, he would bark like crazy and I couldn’t tell him to stop because he was right. Saying anything to those guys would get us shot, stabbed or strangled! The dudes in the hallways smoking pot, drinking and playing music all night didn’t bother people, but again my dogs barking now and again would bother them! French ghetto is nor fun nor an experience. This big kids get free money from the government and still complain, burn cars for fun, and throw bottles in people’s windows for fun, etc. They have nothing to do, they think there are no opportunities for them in life and they know they get stay on welfare. So they keep busy with vicious or illegal activities. The fact is most of them either sell drugs or have a job in Geneva while telling the French authorities that they’re on welfare. In France the kids burn cars of people who didn’t do anything to them, destroy buildings, things just for fun. In Switzerhell, less fortunate people ( because ghettos don’t really exist) tend to be violent but since the cops get even more violent with them, they can’t really go crazy like in France. In France cops are not allowed to beat people up, at least not in public. In Switzerhell I call “ghetto trash” the not so poor adult scum bags who mess with other people’s lives, who spend their lives spying on everything so that they can plan their vicious little actions ( sometimes not so little). These are worse than French ghetto people because they have money to live a life with activities, vacations and lots more. And instead of being grateful, they destroy and hurt others, just for the hell of it. They’d rather do that than have fun. They don’t know how to have fun.

I unfortunately am Swiss so I not only hear and understand what these people do and say , but I know how they think, which is worse than not knowing and not understanding . Their conversations make no sense, a lot of times it sounds like they are struggling to make some sense. Their human communication , interaction, is very low, very primitive. They see a woman alone as abnormal so they think they can do anything they want to her. They are not intimidated by me, a young, Swiss woman with 2 dogs, who behaves normally ( one way to scare people is to act crazy and unstable but who has the time?). They think I am not a threat and therefore can say all kinds of awful things, insults, and even worse comments that don’t sound like insults but really are, and they can also provoke me with their words, because they are sure all I’ll do is just get upset, and then they’ll be able to laugh. Well that laugh is a very funny laugh because the luck they have to be alive, as in my imaginary world I would have shot them on the spot and that laugh would never have been….The fact that I don’t kill them….Well punching them and kicking them would feel great and easy because people who open their mouths in front of me are most of the time either older people who are weaker than me physically ( don’t have to be that much older to be weaker if they don’t work out at all…). Yes, practicing my punches and kicks would be dandy and gay, but that, I wouldn’t do since cops have stopped me for less than that. Killing would be the best action logically, since once they’re dead, I wouldn’t have to deal with them ever again, nor see them. Ha! Well the problem is : because I am not your well trained hypocrite and don’t smile and chat with all these Swiss rats, if someone was shot and anyone would see me around, they would say it’s me even if deep down they think that because I am a woman, and not a threatening woman, I would never be able to shoot someone ( that shows their ignorance) . And I am not about to go to jail and be separated from my dogs! But I do have crazy desires for revenge sometimes since I live in a country where scumbags are the majority. I don’t think killing the bad guys is sick , nor is it a crime really, even if I understand that it’s better that people be punished and sent to jail. But in countries like Switzerland and others I am sure, where there is no justice, or the justice doesn’t make a tiny bit of sense, I can’t have faith in the system! If every punk who has insulted, threatened or backstabbed me in any way had to be arrested, I would have seen a whole lot of people going to jail. In the US, where I wasn’t a resident nor a citizen, I was just a foreigner with a visa, I had faith in the system and believed in justice. I know justice is not always served in the US 100 %, but I like to think that in the majority of cases, it is. In Switzerhell, poor people go to jail when they can’t make the person pay any other discreet way. Switzerhell is much like the corrupted countries that are known to be corrupted. Switzerland should be a synonym to hypocrisy! You won’t catch a street cop take a bribe, but the chief of police will gladly take fat bribes. The Swiss don’t know how to express themselves, they can’t even talk to people when something is wrong, they have to stay polite and discreet and backstab for punishment. The Swiss don’t have much to express and hold a grudge against others who do express themselves. If you are in an apartment building and try to talk things out, people will hate you for trying to show how smart you are. Oh they have thoughts, usually the same as their parents and ancestors and they express these unproductive and uninteresting thoughts only when it’s safe to do so, in front of their friends, family members, neighbors, women and children in general. As a woman I have been “lucky” to hear their filthy thoughts, ideas, points of view and hatred. As a man I wouldn’t have heard all that. As a single woman, I have been hated for the single fact of being single, because since there is nothing noticeably wrong with me, they don’t understand why I haven’t gotten married, so I am not normal. They hate what they don’t understand. Of course I could have sat down with everyone living around me where I lived, to explain my life in detail so that some of them would have understood parts of it and then left me alone, in which case I would have had to mingle and chat with them every day , about my day, their day: in a nutshell a lot of work! I lived in different places in Switzerland as a child and as an adult. Maybe it’s because my parents moved a few times when I was little for their jobs mostly. Truth is I leave when I can’t handle the people anymore instead of fighting. If I fight, I really fight and I am afraid of how it would end up for them and then even for me. The only time I have decided to fight back a bit, in reasonable ways, I ended up with a desire for revenge which I didn’t know I had in me! I think though, I also have the protective bug, the stubborn “don’t mess with me or my loved ones” thing. Sometimes I do feel like a man and a woman together. In a country like the US I am fine being just a woman, and experiencing the best of it. In Switzerhell, not only do I wish I was a man sometimes, but the main reason why I wouldn’t have a child here is that I couldn’t bear having a daughter. The filth of having lived in this country and having gone through all the pain that I have gone through, I really don’t want to have a girl . I could want a child one day ( even if I am getting old ) but aside from the fact that I would love a great awesome guy to be a good father to my child, I could also have a child on my own if I were rich… However I still feel having a son would be safer, better, I would worry less about his future. North America is the only place in the world where women can be strong in society, get respect by most men and most importantly by the law. They can defend themselves and get help from society. There are other like India , some countries in Africa, and others that I don’t know about where women get some respect but the quality of life that women get in the US and Canada is extremely special. I have heard so many people talk about the quality of life in Europe compared to North America. They are mostly talking about the far-niente of Europeans, hanging out at cafés, spending all the afternoon having lunch, talking and talking about nothing. That’s what they mean. Europeans always say that Americans are always trying to get productive and always have a target a goal. How about civilization doesn’t grow if people don’t get a bit more productive? If wanting money is often the goal, and in itself is not very noble, but it takes energy and work to create ways to make money. As for the greatness of doing nothing, Americans give Europeans too much credit for the style and sense of some great tastes in fashion! Europe is overrated, it’s about time the world sees it. Switzerland is trash, and it’s about time everyone sees it. Some countries have started to see it, and have decided to go spend their money elsewhere . Some Russians have come to Switzerland with great huge projects for renovating hotels, and the Swiss have argued about so many different things that they didn’t want to allow because it would change how things have been in the last century, and we now know the Swiss don’t like change! These Russians were ready to bring in millions to create greatness, but the Swiss declined because it was too crazy! Well it’s true you can’t have a small country divided into two: One which is old fashioned ( in the worse sense of the term), and the other implementing new ideas and concepts. The country is already divided into 3 cultures, or so they think. As if the French part was a culture of its own… People from the French part are just a bit jealous that they are a minority. And so are the Swiss-Italians, which every Italian will tell you has nothing to do with the Italian culture, except maybe the language which is again spoken badly. For me the Swiss Italian TV stations are actually the only ones that are somewhat decent. Tv stations which are popular in the French part of Switzerland are the French channels and the Swiss channels in French. In all those channels, 99% of the programs are US made. There are many old American shows, series and movies. Europeans copy American concepts like game shows, talk shows, etc. They can’t create their own strategies for entertainment ( for business either I’ve heard). Even commercials are copies from US commercials! Sure I watch a lot of TV. I watch all those old American series. It helps me get away for a bit. It’s like a drug, if I don’t see an American movie, comedy or series during the day, I am not well. In my small chalet, I have a system that the Swiss make us buy to get Swiss channels, you can’t just buy a TV and automatically get the 3 main Swiss channels like before. They have evolved to making people buy a plug and an antenna in order to get 4 basic Swiss channels. The Swiss have gone digital. The problem with this new method is that it doesn’t work well! I have to move the plug, search like we used to with the antenna but with that it used to work once we found the channel. With the new system which made me buy the new antenna, I have to search through blurry and “zebra-picture” every day when I turn the TV on. And still most of the time my TV is yellowish instead of regular colors. On a good day I get to have regular colors. 2009 and I have to search for a good picture to watch my TV! I am just on a small mountain, a 20 minute drive from the lake and all the modern towns! It’s not like I live in no-man’s land, 5 hours away from civilization. I don’t have network for my phone and I can’t get good TV reception with an antenna that the small country makes people buy in order to get the local channels.

If you have a car in Switzerhell, you better have lots of money or buy a new car every other year. Once every 2 or 4 years ( depending if you have a new car or not), you have to have your car take a test. You have to go to the authorities to have your car checked. You have to pay for that. The country says that they make people pass these tests so that the cars on the roads are all safe to drive. Truth is it is just another way to make money for them. There are a lot of car accidents in Switzerhell, and it is always the fault of one of the drivers. As many accidents that the police and the authorities can hide from the mass, they do it. Other than that, for the great image, everyone must have a perfect car in Switzerland, both inside and out. You pay to have your car checked. You have to go on the day and time they give you, otherwise you get a ticket. Basically, you bring your car to the garage so that they can prepare your car for the test. You of course pay for that. Then you pay for that test. Then if you fail, you get a fine and you have to bring your car back to the garage again to get an upgrade, in order to pass the test…. Your car can be running smoothly, but not be at its best. Well in Switzerhell cars have to be at their best. Last time my garage had told me to go to go take the test to have my car checked because there were many things to fix on my car but they didn’t want to do too much so they said I’d save money going to take the test first and coming back to them with the list of things that needed to be . So I went with my not so perfect car. The guy who was verifying my car was accusing me of not having gone to the garage to have anything fixed before coming, he was yelling that I was trying to pull something and that I’d be punished. He wouldn’t give me the list of things to have done on my car. I went back to the garage and asked why I was sent to take the test for nothing! If garages don’t know how things work , then who does? The thing is as a woman, a garage thought I wouldn’t know ( I didn’t, it was my first time owning a car in Switzerhell ) and the garage could care less about making me save money. They thought they could play with me a bit since I hadn’t done that before. They laughed when I said that the guy who tested my car yelled at me for trying to play some game. All I had wanted to do is get the car fixed in order to pass the dam test! The garage thought that it was funny and they thought that maybe out of my frustration I would buy a new car at their garage. Wrong! I went to another garage and asked to have my car fixed so I would pass the stupid car exam! I warned the garage that the other garage had tried to fool me into buying a new car, and that wasn’t going to work! In Switzerland if a woman wants something done, she either has to get upset, scream and show that she won’t be walked all over by pretending she knows people, or flirt with the idiots. I choose to scream and get upset.

Swiss people scratch cars because the owner has done something to them indirectly or because they don’t like the person for X and Y no good reason. It sounds like street rules right? Well street rules are even smarter than that! No it has nothing to do with tough street rules. It is just that the Swiss have this inner complex, this uncomfortable retarded yet feeling superior thing that makes them want to annoy people’s lives, to say the least. The Swiss feel superior, but there are so many times when other people or foreigners will pinch a nerve by mistakenly showing the Swiss that they are stupid and the Swiss will realize that they really are unproductive soul-less jerks. It drives them nuts, and more vicious, and that’s often. Mostly the older men go nuts and spend lots of time f****** with others. Young males can actually live in their ” we are the best ” kind of world. It’s like children who when they go to school and have competition, they may realize that they’re not so smart. Some will take it out on others. That’s what the Swiss do.

I remember two young Swiss males in the train once . I used to commute from Geneva to a town 15 minutes away. 2 young men dressed in suits came sit close to me. The train was packed. They were talking louder than everyone else. They said how it was funny to sit with the “little” people meaning the lower class. In the train there is first class and second class. This was in second. One of the guys said : “We can handle sitting with THESE people for 10 minutes, but no longer. I can’t wait until the next stop to go back to first “( class). I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I wanted so bad to get up and ask them who they thought they were. I bet they just worked for a good company with a big fat salary, but who were they ? nobodies. Smart people obviously don’t talk like that. I wanted to insult them but then that’s exactly what they would have expected from the “little” people, so I just shut up and listened just like everyone else. They were saying how they hadn’t sat in second class since they were 5. The way they were talking together, loud, as if all the people around didn’t really exist or were from a far-away lame primitive world. It was shocking. From the 3 years I lived in NYC, and taking the subway every day, I have never heard any big shot ( and there are famous or rich people in the subway sometimes, not like the 2 losers on the Swiss train) talk about anything that would make anyone feel like they were lesser people!

Many times I heard unbelievable comments that prove that these people think they are superior 2-legged-fucks. I was at the gym, in the looker’s room, getting dressed. These older women were talking: One of them was saying that the gym was not as clean as it used to be because there are price reductions at certain times of the year and that attracts “little”people, poor people. As she was saying that, she was looking at me and when I looked back, she got uncomfortable. Then they went on bringing the volume of their conversation down a notch. These were older Swiss women, talking with their ugly Swiss accent, making a lot of mistakes in their French. They were over-dressed women who were obviously rich but judging by the time they had, spending hours everyday in the locker’s room chatting, they obviously were not working nor doing anything productive in their lives. In Switzerland you don’t need a lot of education to be rich or well -off. Most people don’t go to university. They do what they call: apprenticeships. After school meaning 8th grade , they start this working part time and going to school part-time apprenticeship. It lasts 3 years. Then, most of them make about 4000, 5000 francs a month, which is really good when you’re 20 years old. So they know nothing except typing and filing and they make good money, can save up to buy a house in the next 10 years. The few others who go to university will make much more, even without a masters degree. Let’s not talk about handymen who also make about 4000 or more francs a month. The Swiss government thought that by giving high salaries to their unqualified people, ans keeping them scared of the authorities, it would bring a “kept under control ” nation. They did succeed for a while. They clearly didn’t create a smart nation. They created a pathetic nation which now is being shown to the world.

It’s still true that the Swiss are scared of the authorities, not only because the cops give tickets for everything from jaywalking to jaw not muzzled, even if nowadays with the massive amount of rich foreigners, they only give those kinds of tickets when they feel like it and to whom they feel like it. I rarely see a Swiss litter from the window of her, his car , but they do it a lot when no one is looking. So anyway the Swiss have been told not to litter so if they see you litter, expect a tire slashed, a big dent or if you’re lucky just a scratch on your car! Cars are of course the easiest target for people to get to you. It is an expensive possession of yours, and there can be cameras in the parking lot, people have ways to mess up your car. I saw this guy once smoking his cigarette right next to a car, someone walked by, and he said hello how are you in such a sweet polite and very happy voice, it caught my attention. I looked carefully, and as he was being polite, he pretended to open his car with a key. When these people were gone, I saw he had made a dent right near the keyhole with a screw driver he was then trying to put in his pocket. I was waiting for the bus and I don’t think he saw me.

The authorities scare people by their filthy over-powering methods, so that everyone kind of stays weary of everyone, but they give the pedophiles a break! If you want to convict a pedophile, you gotta have proof over proof over proof. Some pedophiles had 48 women give testimony for past crimes that went unpunished because according to Swiss authorities there weren’t enough proof. The Swiss however love a good image. So they have a law that can put an employee in jail for a while if the employee looks at internet porn at work. But the pedophiles who run the streets disguised as the man next door ( which every family trusts just because he is polite to them), rapes and kills little girls. A British guy once told me he felt safer in Switzerland than in Britain and that he would let his 7 year old girl go to school walking here as he wouldn’t in Britain. Aside from the fact that pedophiles do know how to cross borders, more than half of the pedophiles’ stories are kept quiet in Switzerland. No amber alert, no kids pictures on milk cartons, no TV shows to see all the missing kids. Every once in a while when a family went loud, screaming at the TV station or at a newspaper, the news will announce a missing girl, end of story. There is no number to call if someone sees the girl. The Swiss will rush to talk about a missing girl in another country like France, Portugal. There was this British girl who was kidnapped in Portugal during a family vacation. It was all over the news in Switzerhell. Look at the horrible Portuguese! Do stories like that happen in Switzerland? of course but you won’t hear them. It is not good for the image though, so the Swiss stay as much “undercover” as possible. The cops don’t even look for suspects when a girl’s body is found. They say it was sad incident, just like a car crash!

The safest country… Pedophiles running free…weapons being sold all over the place… There is a yellow newspaper in Switzerland where you can put ads for free. In that newspaper there is a section called: weapons for sale. It is supposed to be illegal to sell weapons freely without permits, but that section exists and there are all kinds of weapons being sold on there. Well, the neutral country holds quite a lot of weapons. And where you have weapons, weapons are being used. Truly it is a neutral place…How far can hypocrisy be stretched?

Well we all know how hypocritical the banks have been with their clients and with the governments! Not that I would know because I have never had enough money to really get to know the banks! All I know is that when my account is really slim, I never hear from the bank, except when I get my bank statements through the mail at the end of the year, telling me how much came in and how much I took out, and also telling me how the bank took from me as an anticipated tax… Basically each year the bank takes a little bit of money from me. I guess one has to pay for their great service… knowing that the rich of the world come to put their money in Swiss banks, I bet they don’t get money taken out of their account every year! Oh yes they put their money on “special accounts”. I know I have notices as soon as my account gets a little fatter than usual, they write me a letter to tell me that I now have an adviser, a banker , his name is Mr….. and that he would be glad to see me. Oh really? Now somebody wants to see me at the bank? Could it be to put my money on a “special account”? Well not so special for me, because the kind of money that I get when I don’t spend much for a long time is nothing compared to the amounts some people have in the bank! But I still get an adviser (…), who advises me to put that money on another account, one which I can’t touch for several years! Yes they claim the interests will be bigger on one of those accounts. Yes and well, the bank loves those accounts… The ones people are not allowed to touch! So your money stays there for several years and the bank does whatever they choose with it. Well before 2008, Swiss people trusted their banks more than their spouses and family members. In 2008, people were outraged, and the Swiss rarely show their emotions, but at the sight of their money accounts disappearing…The Swiss protested on the street for the first time in their ancestors’ lives! Well you can see them march once every blue moon for a cause that they don’t really care about but they want to show their friends that they have interests and morals and they love to participate in a march like the anti-racism march, anti-globalization march, or another march that they could care less about, once in a while when it is permitted by the city ( depending on the date) or government ( depending on the subject of the march). The Swiss let people march and “protest” once in a blue moon to show the world that it is allowed to march for something you believe in , in Switzerland! It’s all about the image of the country, yet again.

The Swiss never Really march on the street to try to change anything. They don’t have that kind of passion. They might be upset at something, and they will keep it bundled up inside until they can let it out on someone weaker and without being seen. Someone weaker could be a woman, financially challenged people and retards, even if these ones are rarely messed with by the vast majority. There was a march not too long ago against all evil done to retarded people. The Swiss have a thing for retards and mentally ill people because they must feel really close to them , they know deep down that they, too, are mentally challenged. I mean nothing derogative about mentally challenged people. It’s just that the Swiss have this inner hatred and unwellness that stops them from evolving as a people. I resent that. Some people say : “oh it’s not their fault, you should feel sorry for their sorry souls! ” Clinically retarded people who can’t function on their own are the ones we should feel sorry for. The Swiss are able to function on their own, with “punishing others” when they deserve it as a ground rule. The problem is society fonctions as it is. Viciously nasty and mentally ill never works as a combination. However the ones who have both these qualities survive the best in Switzerland. Mentally ill get the sympathy of all Swiss people. And vicious is something they get away with as Swiss men as they laugh about it when they are in closed circles. Women are rarely better. They stick to their men like glue. They so look for men’s approval and love that they agree to keep this lower rank in society. They would rather have that than have to fight for a lonely place in society with more power, rights and independence. They know that if they fight men, they will be lonely. A few Swiss woman have political positions. A few others have CEO positions or are placed high in the legal system. There are 2 reasons for this: One is that Switzerland wants to show the world that women have rights just like in the best countries in the world. It’s a facade. Then second, women who come from extremely rich families, whether Swiss or of foreign origin, have many connections, of course go to the best schools around the world and are promoted to be these few women who hold high positions in society. It is not a privilege these women get, because in actuality they have no power. It’s all for show. Of course it’s like that in many countries. However these women thinking they have power , actually have none if they don’t agree with their male associates, partners or whoever is really in control. Some people around the world say that the world runs like that. I can’t say that for sure for the whole world. And what I know for Switzerhell, it is not a bunch of highly qualified illuminati who run the country. Switzerhell is nothing. It’s just that free banking system that found a place to hide. The only thing it had was the fact that it could attract the rich people of the world, mostly mafia thugs because Switzerhell doesn’t care where the money comes from. Swiss people have always denied the fact that they don’t care about where the money comes from, but it has always been true. The world is getting to know more and more about this big Swiss scam. However I don’t blame the Swiss mediocrity on the rich filthy money coming in the country, even if it doesn’t help. the Swiss have a deeper problem. I don’t think the Swiss can be helped as a people. The only solution and it is taking its course because nature doesn’t let scum filth trash have that much power for too long, or the planet would be destroyed. More and more foreigners from all over, rich and poor are living in Switzerhell and becoming Swiss. They are interbreeding. The children inherit new , more normal genes, which, with hope that the foreign parents bring a strong influence on their children and at the same time eradicate the pure Swiss breed, society and mentality. I am sure there are other countries in the world that need to be changed, but maybe none with so much money. Human life is made to evolve, to correct its mistakes and grow. The Swiss have been an underworld scum group that has gotten away with horrible crimes for years. Switzerhell is small enough that it was able to hide its real essence and keep the image of a paradise while hiding crime and torture ( mental and physical). What I have been through was torture. Torture of the mind, manipulation of a subtle long lasting kind. Some women in Switzerland have been through similar torture, as mine, or worse but are so brainwashed to think it’s ok and to take it that they don’t even know it. They also haven’t seen better societies. They may have lived in better countries without letting their brain free, letting themselves take the ride of a freer life. It took me a long time to realize how disease-full Switzerland is. I still haven’t been able to free myself totally, since I am still a Swiss citizen… I am now fully aware of the suffering I am going through on a basic level where people won’t leave me alone, and try to stop me from doing anything I try to do, but also on a deeper level, I feel trapped in a place surrounded by enemies, people who are anti-free-spirits. It feels inorganic to be there to say the least. I am trapped in a world of crap when I know there is another world out there across the Atlantic, where life is not paradise everyday, but is normal, fun, crazy, human, sad, criminal but a majority of people mean well!! America and the countries in Asia and Africa where the spirit is similar, don’t know how good they have it. There are people in Switzerhell who will tell you they lead a spiritual life and mean well. Yes they mean well while they are meditating. Then, when they go outside, they’ll insult a woman or something, probably because she deserved it… They never help others, they discriminate against people, dogs and what not, and try to mess with people who don’t do things the way they do. They say punishment is important for people to learn things… They play God, the smarties! Well old school God.

The Swiss think they are so sophisticated. Imagine a ghetto kid with an attitude problem, who thinks he is sophisticated, but doesn’t know about anything past his block. Then imagine this kid with money and power over a certain group of the population. The Swiss have it on women and less rich foreigners. Can you imagine the kind of person that is? It’s the Swiss. But wait, you can’t imagine! I am sorry, that person in North America doesn’t exist! Ever! In a more decent world: Either the kid had too much of an attitude problem and someone will eventually put him back in his place, or if he gets money, he will either stop messing with people for no good reason, and maybe educate himself! That’s why most Americans who come to live in Switzerhell feel sorry for the Swiss. As for why they stay in that country, they have a superiority complex and they love living in a country where people are morons in order to feel superior, or to teach, also to have the kind of rights they used to enjoy in the 1900′s with women where men could jerk them around and get away with it. Who am I to judge, we all have stupid reasons to do stupid things sometimes. But I must say if I had the American nationality, I would not waste a day spent in a country like Switzerhell when I could be in a country like the US. Well unless you sacrifice your life to science, or write books about various countries. I have never read any books that would talk badly about Switzerland. Will I get shot if this gets published? Maybe. All the richest scumbags of the world meet in Switzerhell and defend the concept of the country. They hold the country together. In 2009, the laws supposedly changed about banking accounts, where foreigners can’t put money in banks without the government of their country knowing about it. Sure that law will be in action for about half of all the accounts, but the biggest cats will always have their money on fat accounts without having to pay tax. We, I pay taxes on the amount I have in the bank. When I had about 2000 francs on my account and made 24 000 a year, I didn’t pay too much, but already making 30 000 a year, I have to pay a bunch of taxes. I am not a banker, but I know that there is a magic Swiss banking system where if you make or have over 1, 2, or many million francs, all of a sudden tax is an ancient term never to be used again! My mother who was a teacher and made more money than I do now, had to pay a lot of taxes! And this is the tax paradise country? What I really don’t get is why the hell are these Swiss people not rebelling at this unfairness? They all know that the super rich don’t pay taxes! Yes the government creates high salaries for people to keep quiet because where else would they go when a cashier at a super market can make up to 50 000 francs a year. Salaries are higher than in any other country . So people shut up. But all the middle class who make very good money and have to pay big numbers at the end of the year… Yes with the same position in France, Italy or Germany, they still wouldn’t make as much money even after taxes. But instead of getting upset in their homes, screaming and shouting and complaining behind closed doors about the amount of tax they pay, one would think that they would rebel when they see dirty money coming in the country and not paying taxes… Well they don’t see it per say. What you can’t see can’t hurt you? They don’t see it but they know it. Some are in denial. They so believe in their system so much that they say that everyone pays taxes! Just to feel better. Denial! All that frustration about their tax amounts and that frustration doesn’t go without hurting others. They slash their neighbors tires for parking in the wrong spot, when it’s really the government’s tires they should slash for the aberrant system of the non-tax paying super rich. It’s amazing how the Swiss never rebel out loud. They always keep it inside. It’s amazing people don’t die of cancer all over the place with so much crap kept inside. Well they let it out, on others, in the wee hours. I am not saying the tax problem is the only reason for their hatred and stupidity. It’s much more complex, even if complexity is a big word for these morons…Again….I know there are morons in every country, but the percentage of them in Switzerhell is just outrageous!!

I am Swiss. HELP! ( chapter 8)

Dairy of 2008-2010

Nov 18th 2008

Yesterday I moved into a yet smaller apartment than ever, in a super expensive very ugly little village. I had to get a new job in a hurry, my last one was with a security company, one of the big security jokes around the country. They train you a whole day behind a desk, basically telling you to be polite and not steal anything from the places you are sent to work at… Then they give you about 4 different uniforms, a knife (yes!!!), pepper spray and handcuffs ( I am not lying). They don’t teach you how to use any of them. They sent me to do day jobs as a receptionist in a multinational company along with 2 other Swiss obnoxious ignorant females whose daily conversations were criticizing others and when they realized I didn’t play want to play their game, they started backstabbing me. I was also sent to do night security of the whole building. I of course liked the night gig better, couldn’t stand the 2 females, not to mention the snobby young Europeans who worked at that company, who thought they were hot shots because of their salaries, and positions. Some of these Europeans get a job in Switzerhell and have their salaries double from their last job in their own country, and all of a sudden they think they have attained superiority in the world. They know nothing about the scum of Switzerhell and don’t care. All they care about is the reputation of Switzerhell and how proud they are to be working in that country! Poof, pof poof, idiots!

So I quit the security company to then find this new job in a hotel and management school. It is tough to find a reasonably priced apartment in the country as it is, and then find an apartment with 2 dogs, let alone a big dog, which of course I had to mention to the rental agencies. So I found a small studio on a ground floor that no one wanted, or at least no one with a job. I was going to work nights at the school and I knew that a ground floor studio with a window on the street side was not going to be a good idea, but it was the closest to work and the only one that was available soon. I am always too optimistic when I look at a place. I always think it’s gona be fine, I’ll make it work. It turned out another hell place; why do I still have hope to find a place where we can be at peace in this country? It wasn’t so much the noise on the street, but as soon as the people of the building found out that I had a dog of a breed they hated, they started pounding down the stairs in the morning when they knew I was sleeping. It was a joy for them to know that I worked at night and they could f*** with my sleep without missing theirs. I wonder if Switzerland is a curse for me, if life is a curse, or if I am asking too much, wanting to be truly happy , having everything I want and having to deal only with life’s dramas, not crap from people who have nothing else going on in their lives. On top of it, like many people, I am tired of dealing with life’s other drama : not having enough money to live how I want to live. I take it for granted that I am confident enough that I’ll find love, confident enough that I’ll keep my good health, I’ll be able to stay active and dance forever, confident enough for my dogs and animals to be healthier than others because I know how to make them work out and be strong mentally to stay strong. My one problem and the only one I have been having and stuck with for the last ten years has been the lack of money! Not only do I have to leave my dogs all night from 7 pm to 7 am, but I have only a few hours to sleep since these assholes wake me up through my earplugs. It’s not healthy. I can take it for a while and actually being around all those nationalities at the hotel school would distract me from living in this hell-joint.

So moving to this studio is not bad considering I went through 2 other temporary living situations since I started this job which is far from my chalet. The first temporary place I stayed at was a rented caravan at a camping, 30 min away from my new work place. The caravan itself wasn’t so bad. But the owner of the camping would come by every two hours as he did around the whole place, to see what people were doing. I first saw it as good security since the kind of people who go camping off season, in cold weather, or who live there year round, are not so educated in every sense of the term ( mentally, socially, hygienically, legally..) and not so trustworthy. Then, one day this camping owner/ manager guy, comes near my place and slams my window shut. It was open and all of a sudden I see and hear the window slam. I thought it could have been the wind while the guy was standing there but when I looked, he was right there near my window, with an angry face. I asked what the problem was and if it was really him who slammed my window. One of my dogs could have been there and could have gotten really hurt because it was a ceiling to bottom window. Plus, in a civilized world, you ask the person who is renting a place, if she or he could please close the window… Well, he said that he knew I had the heat on and I was not supposed to open the window while the heat was on because that was a waste of heat. I then heard him talk to a guy who asked what happened with me, and the idiot owner that I was a dummy and if I had a dog like that ( the breed), they should watch out and close the window from the outside again, because it was dangerous to have that dog in the caravan with the door open. It’s funny when stupid people call others dumb, and it’s even funnier when they can’t express themselves and ask in a straight language to please close the window for x and y reason. Of course, had I been a man, the owner would never have slammed his window like that in the first place!

There are rooms available at the school ( various buildings) since there are not enough students to fill all the rooms up. But with 2 dogs, the school didn’t want to rent out a room to me. They ( head of personnel and the school director) also said they didn’t want to see the dogs in my car, that I wasn’t allowed to take them with me, near the school. I asked why and they couldn’t quite come up with an answer. I work at night and even if it was a bit cold at night and that should have been the only reason for the school to worry about me having my dogs in the car but it wasn’t. If they were worried I would take the dogs out at night and scare the students, then what kind of trust are they putting in me who is going to be working at night when only one other employee of the school was on duty? They could have cared less about the well-being of the animals, like the Swiss in general. They didn’t want the breed of my dog to be seen near their school. The only time they care about the well-being of any animal, is the animal that is going to be meat on their plate. I should be thankful some Swiss eat dogs…

I work for one of those “famous” hotel & management schools. The more I find out about the school, the more I realize that the only thing that is prestigious about this place is the price to get in. After that, the books the students show me are of much lesser quality than a bad city college material, the accommodations are not half of what you see and read on the brochure and the personnel ( managers, teachers, duty officers) that I have met all speak a bad broken English and education is all in English.

To my advantage, there are a lot of young guys from all over the world in the school, which are fun to have around when you’re working. It makes time go faster. Sorry for the girls, I don’t necessarily go for the company of younger spoiled female brats. Well they don’t love me either since I am the one who checks on them like a cop. Yes my job is to go around and make sure everyone is their room, no drinking in the rooms, no cooking, no water boiler, no smoking in the rooms, etc. They’re polite because they have to be, but from most of them they hate my guts when I catch them. But otherwise, they just don’t give me the time of day, they go about their business, and that’s fine with me. The Swiss in society will rest on my case and dwell on how to make my life miserable for reasons that are stupider than stupid , but these kids at school could make my life miserable if they wanted to, because I am there to watch them, to get them kicked out of school if I catch them doing something they’re not supposed to, but these international young people actually have more important things in their lives than worrying about making someone’s life miserable . My job is to report everything they do that’s not according to the rules, and some of them get “final warnings”, and then, if they mess up one day and get drunk, hit or hurt someone, they get expelled from the school. But I have to say, being around them is good for me at this point. I don’t think they know how much good vibes they bring to me, compared to the Swiss scumbags in everyday life. As well as I don’t think the Swiss know how much bad, gross energy they give off and how much I can’t stand it and despise it.

My second temporary living situation before getting my studio was a rented room in a house for 4 weeks in the village where the school is. The house belonged to a Swiss couple, about my age with a female dog who got along superbly with my 2 dogs. That was the main reason we got along, but I must say, aside from the fact that I liked their house and its location ( in the mountain and in the forest, isolated), they acted very normal with me for the first 3 weeks. What was said behind my back doesn’t fade me. The conversations I had with the woman, seldom with the man, of course were not fascinating, but I felt like she was sort of funny for a Swiss. I know the Swiss, they talk about the weather, what they had for lunch and then what the weather is going to be like next week, and if they get personal, they’ll tell you bad stuff about their family members. She even badmouthed her husband. The Swiss always talk negative. Anyway, I almost felt like she was the first Swiss female I met that was kind of funny because even if she was criticizing everything she was doing it in a funny way and she laughed more than the whole Switzerhell put together. I thought woaw when one lives isolated ( the husband worked, she didn’t), a Swiss can actually liberate itself from the filth of the masses. But one day she talked really close to me….and I smelled her breath. Now I knew why she seemed fun! She was an alcoholic. She was drunk all the time. To be sure every day after that, I would try to smell her breath discreetly. Not that she’d notice since she was tipsy. Yup, everyday she would smell like booze. But everything went smoothly during the 4 weeks, compared to all the other living situations I have had living near Swiss. Well, the couple knew I wasn’t there for long and that the fact that I was working in that school, the only big business in the village, the couple wanted me to leave with a good feeling about them. Their little business of bed and breakfast was not doing so well. The woman had also had told me that the people living in the small village were afraid of the students of the hotel and management school, since a few incidents happened in the past where drunk students would break windows of houses here and there. That village with the school and all these international kids is a place separated in two worlds. There is the Swiss on one side and then the students of the school. In the school where I work, in the main building which was a beautiful palace back in the days, before the war, the staff of the school try to create this mystical vibe. They take the kids on night tours and tell them that the building was a refugee camp after the war and during, where there were a lot of injured and sick people. They make the students believe that the building was haunted, and still is today and that strange things happen. I have yet to see one for myself though. Apparently an exorcist came to the building a few years back to get rid of all the bad spirits(…). So it seems we’re left with the good ones! I am trying to feel something weird, I don’t. The staff tell the students all these scary stories and when a student then comes to say that they saw something like a ghost, the staff says : “you see I told you”, when I know that these kids, away from home, sometimes tired, drunk or on drugs, would see anything you talk to them about.

I must say in the area when you go hiking you have a beautiful view of the region, and during the week, there are less people who hike than let’s say, where my chalet is. Before I got my studio in that ugly village , when I was staying with this couple in the village where the school is, me and the dogs would go for long hikes all around and I saw a lot of different views and paths. I like to go on adventures. The problem was though, I would walk far, with the boys and then forget that we had to come back. I always wanted to see further and further. Since hiking with my boys in nature is the one and only joyous activity that I can do in this hell country, I do it as often as possible. Even if the scenery is always a bit the same in Switzerhell, I always like being in nature with my dogs, with no Swiss around, no one around. That is the only time I can appreciate life.

There is a student at the school who is older than others, he is 39, and he is Indian. Small, thin guy, well not shorter than me a bit taller than me really. Not my type, he is not into dogs, not into working out, he smokes… drinks… But we connect on some level. Is it because we are the same age, there is all that young sexual energy around us, and somehow physically, there is a flow that carries us both, probably. He has been married twice, has 2 kids. Apparently not much I like about him, except for what attracts us to each other. I hate to look for magic when it’s probably ugly because we’re both lonely romantically ( I just moved to new town, new job). As the matter of fact the first time I saw him I thought he wasn’t supposed to be there, I thought he was some guy who hangs out around these young people! I asked my colleague who that weird older guy was. We didn’t date, but he flirted with me a lot. He touched me, first in a friendly way, and then when no one was around, in a more sexual way. I off course must have given the vibe that it was ok, because I would have been offended to be even touched in a friendly way by any Swiss I was working with. Why do people turn cuter when we are attracted to them and then when we wake up and break up, they go right back to ugly? For real that’s how I almost always feel about guys, except when I think they’re cute right off the bat. Anyways this guy and I spent a lot of time talking during nights. He made time go faster.

Nov 20th:

I felt like my life was back to square one this morning, back to the hatred of the village I was kicked out of, in every way possible. I walked the dogs early and had 2 old people stare at me with nasty looks. That’s not only heavier to see these nasty looks after a night of work and being very tired and eager to get some sleep, but it makes my hatred come back. Every time I move, I hope things will be different. I got a new job which I like and I thought that maybe while I am staying positive and thinking that people around here could be more tolerant towards a very calm old dog, no matter the breed. I thought people around here might even mind their own business. I am always full of hope. But when I get a load of hatred again, I have a hard time pretending these filthy people don’t exist. I started crying and asking why do I have to live like this? I already don’t like this country, the way people behave, their habits and thoughts, but if I was left in peace, I could bear it for a while. I have made a lot of efforts to find a decent life without all this hatred that was hurting me and my dogs, looking for a better place, thinking that somewhere in Switzerland, the country of my birth, there is got to be a peaceful place and time for me where I can just go to work, walk my dogs, without people harassing me with hatred. This morning I felt like this, again. I thought about what I could do. I could learn to deal with everyone’s hatred, nasty looks and trials to get me to leave. I could quit my job as I just started. I could win the Lotto… All my options! I then looked at Lord Shiva’s picture and wondered if he could be God or if God existed at all. I knew I had to find a way. Maybe rent out another apartment in a different town, hoping that it could be better. I was hiking yesterday and I saw this for rent sign on a chalet, way out in the mountain, and I called the guy , the apartment is a holiday apartment so it is a bit expensive and very far, without a road in the winter. I called him and said I wanted the apartment for one month, and that I wanted to see it. The guy said he is busy and can’t show it, I don’t know if he is suspicious of me wanting this place by myself, but hopefully he’ll call me back to show me the place. I missed my chalet and I know Shadow does too. I know my dogs don’t like me to work nights. They are quiet unless someone would make a big noise, but it is new for them to see me go every single night. I had done nights in my last job but I did days too. I thought maybe the dogs would get used to me working nights only. It would be a new rhythm. You never know. My dogs are so well-behaved, plus they know I love them a lot and I am always coming back so matter how long I leave them ( at least I think so). Did I make the right choice taking this new job?

November 21:

Why am I so unlucky in love and money? True, I am lucky to have , 2 healthy beautiful dogs and my health. I am a strong athlete. But for one I couldn’t find a man in the US in 10 years spent there with whom I could build something! You could say I am attracting the wrong guys but the truth is meeting people is up to Destiny, I think. You can live in the same city and have the perfect man for you living across town and never meet him! 10 years back, I was doing childcare on Central Park West in a family that barely respected me, even if I was taking care of their 2 kids while they were gone for most of the day. That always amazes me how people give you their most precious beings, their children, and they treat you like lower class…I had a small tiny room for me and Shiva, with a view on the garbage bins in the yard. I had a tiny salary only when I was doing over a certain amount of hours. I was poor and treated like white trash by the people who gave me a roof, but yes, I enjoyed walking in Central Park every morning, enjoyed the dance classes I was taking, thanks to the scholarship program that dance studio had. Well maybe then, living in misery or not, there was my dream man, American or other, into dogs, working out, hiking in the wilderness and into animals in general, big sense of humour, great intelligence… Maybe he was in Manhattan, single, and we never met. Then again, maybe he wasn’t. Is it really the power of the mind that attracts our perfect mate? Is it really when you’re in a positive state of mind with great certainty, beliefs, faith that everyone gets her/his perfect mate? I understand the power of the mind when you try to reach a goal . I get that you’ll eventually get results. But for love? And I am talking LOVE, not what tons of people think love is: they’re lonely, someone gives them attention, it works out, it’s comfortable. They have goals of marriage, children, so they go for it. Later they get divorced. I am talking about LOVE. Mutual great pure love. I know that even if it’s pure it may not last forever but at least I mean real magical love. Love is how I love my dogs, unconditionally, but with a man, a being of my specie. The great thing with humans is that communication thing! It is clear and magical. I love my dogs and we have a great relationship, but I do wonder what they think and feel a lot of times, since we communicate differently. I think real love has to contain admiration, communication, somewhat of the same logic, same thinking process or if not, at least you understand the other’s thinking process and respect it fully. Love is also the history and the events that you share in your life, your path. Anyway I am 37 and I have often thought or hoped I found HIM, when meeting a new guy, especially before knowing him well…because after knowing more of him, I’d always realize that it’s not HIM.

Money and love, I want! Or how about money or love? I’ll gladly settle for one of them! But it needs to be the real thing. Big money or real love. Am I asking too much? Do most people not get either? Do most people settle for comfort in marriage and just enough money to live on? These people want kids, they love their kids( some don’t actually do that either). Some people love their job enough to then only look for a comfortable relationship. And then you have idiots who don’t know what they want : they mess with other people’s lives for distraction. Many people keep looking for distractions all the time because life sucks. Well life doesn’t have to suck. We can make an effort. I believe I have but keep being bullied, hence the need for help from above every once in a while. I confess I don’t like most people in Switzerhell. Why do I feel guilty after all they have done to us? Should I have taken all the hatred from Swiss people and forget about it, and love them anyway? Should I have thought that it was ok to get hatred and forgive them day after day? Who can do that? God maybe.

　

Nov22:

I have been feeling love for a guy who doesn’t give me love back. Again. Why do I do that? These feelings are uncontrollable it seems. Yet I know I should have control of what I let myself feel. I hate feeling this weakness for a guy and not receiving anything from him. It turns out he was giving me attention, he wanted sex and that’s it, just like most guys. I am ready for something else, especially with a non-Swiss like him. I know he is not the guy, that’s the sad thing. We have nothing in common, I don’t even like how he thinks, but I don’t know ( and I hate not knowing) if I feel this way for him because I am desperate to connect with a man since it’s so rare for me to find a man I like in Switzerhell even among foreigners, or if I really feel love for this person who doesn’t love me back? Either way it’s sad. I am such a together, proud person in general, but every blue moon I get in situations or circumstances where I just have to have this guy, and I want him to give me a lot, to be madly in love with me! Sue me! It’s only human, but the weakness I feel I don’t like! I am messed up emotionally. I have so much love to give. I guess many women feel that way. I do like to receive more than I like to give in the beginning, but sometimes I get into these guys who don’t give me anything and I feel like giving a lot to them. Most of the time I can stop myself before giving sex but sometimes not. I haven’t had sex with this guy. I should really forget about him. I also would like to have a guy that I could really connect with to have an ally in this filthy place. It’s not that I want a man to protect me but a man I can agree with on how things work in Switzerhell and who understands me.

　

I would like God to help me. If I had to believe in God, Shiva’s pictures are exactly what I would want my God to look like: gorgeous man, yet feminine enough to let me think he could be like a mother to me, lots of beautiful colors, life’s great treasures! It definitely works better for me than skinny Jesus suffering with his hands pierced and bleeding hanging on a cross!! Dark and sad! Shiva is alive yet relaxed. He is above everything. I have actually started to feel that “above it all ” feeling tonight. There was a situation with students, and I could have gotten all into it like usually, but I stepped back and I felt above all that. Not superior but that it doesn’t get to me! I wish I could feel that when I am with my dogs, about peoples’ stares, comments, insults,etc

I am really tired right now its 5AM, and I am working until 6 am. I so would like to win the Lotto to stop working, just work on things I want to get better at and learn. My job is ok but not very intellectual nor stimulating in any way. I know many people feel that way and dream of a million dollars coming out of a 2 dollar Lotto ticket. I also don’t know why I don’t have love of a man in my life. I am thinking that I have to do something. So what is it? keep praying? keep the faith? keep hoping? I am working hard at creating my destiny, my happiness. I know I can do a lot, I am powerful but I also know that I need help. I have prayed Lord Shiva to protect my Shiva since when I lived in East Harlem for the first time. Shiva has protected my dogs ever since. We have had little sickness here and there but overall he has watched over my pups when I am not around. And I think he has helped me because that’s something I have asked with all my heart. I thought I had asked for love, the perfect mate with all my heart, but I mustn’t have. Even the jackpot, I can’t put as much heart as with my dogs, even if I try to think that having that money would enable us to have little friends and girlfriends for my boys. How do you put more heart into something you want? I want those things, I do. I think I concentrate in the present moment too much. I used to think I was a dreamer, always thinking about the future, but I think that really I am focused on what I need now more than anything, which means sleep, food, love and I get sleep, food and love from my dogs. I don’t think I am seeing the big picture! I am such a down to earth person. Let’s live the moment right now! It’s good sometimes, or it’s good to have that, but I lack desire to attract something bigger when there is no way to have it right now! Patience is a virtue I don’t have, even if life forces me to have patience.

Nov24th:

Today I am thinking less about that guy that I thought I was in lust with. It’s weird though. I am not sure how I truly feel about him. I guess I don’t know him well enough, but I was hurt he didn’t respond to the fact that I liked him. I was used to having guys like me more than I liked them but with age , that happens less and less… And it hurts! Anyway, I have talked to him and I do like his presence I can’t deny it, and as much as I think he is not for me, I still think we are connected in some way. It’s almost as if I don’t need to be his girlfriend, I just need to be in his life. He was married and he has kids so he’s got important people in his life. I am wild and free and want someone who has only me in his life, like I’ll have only him. Anyway I am not hurt by the fact that we’re not together even if I liked the attention he was giving me in the beginning. I think like all guys they try to get a girl sometimes just to see if they can, and when they see the girl likes them back, they’re not so interested anymore. Well such is life and so are humans… I guess I am a stupid human too, and I have to deal with the life that I have been given …or that I have created for myself..? That triggers my curiosity and thoughts everyday: how much have we been given by Destiny and how much have we created of our life? We can’t have created the beginning. They say your life is what you have made it, but you were born somewhere with certain surroundings. Did your psyche live before you were born and create the beginning of your life? Or is it reincarnation ? Does that exist? Or are we just random humans born everywhere ? All these questions I would like an answer to. At least now I believe in my God, which is Lord Shiva. I don’t believe he created me, I believe he helps me now that I have acknowledged him in the right way. He is the kind of God I want and I like. I am starting to have real faith. Even if I am troubled these days by my liking of that weird guy who is nothing like the man of my dreams, I still have certain feelings for him. It’s probably because I am desperate for love at this point and since we connect on some level, I let myself be drawn to him. I don’t like it but I am trying to see him more and talk with him about everything because since he thinks differently, spending that kind of time with him makes me like him less. I also have a weird pity for him sometimes, I don’t know if it’s because he is older than other students, or if it’s because he is so skinny, or what, but I have all these weird feelings on top of the fact that I feel love or lust for him. I am not IN love with him at least I know that. I just have these weird feelings toward this guy who turns out to be weird too. My colleague who is German and a bit psychic about things was telling me that he feels it’s weird that a guy his age would come to school with all these young kids. He said he could be running away from his past. I personally don’t like the fact that he has kids plus he is not spending time and his life with his kids. Yes divorce is one thing but a good father tried to live close to his kids so that he can do activities with them and share a part of his life with them. Anyway, he is definitely not the man of my life and I hate having feelings for a guy like that. Maybe I just have tenderness and affection for him, and I translate it into ” I need you to love me!”. I so have two persons in me: I have this caring person who sees the best in people and wants to help them to do good for them, also wants to do a lot for dogs and other animals but I feel powerless there. I then have this other person in me that’s a killer, a warrior, that only cares about herself and want to have more power, not necessarily to help others but to feel freer. That power comes from money basically. I don’t have it and it drives me up the wall! Of course I think Lord Shiva will help me because he can.

I am going back to the gym. I signed up in a town close to our studio. I must say the young crowd that is there is so much better than the older stupidest crowd of the Geneva region health clubs. Here people are almost normal, they don’t stare, do their thing, almost like the US ( almost….). The fun part of people is of course missing. One can’t ask too much of people living in Switzerhell.

Working at night doesn’t bother me at all, as I thought it could after a while. It’s probably not the healthiest thing but I feel a bit aside from Swiss society that way. I only have to live “with them” in the afternoon. Mornings I sleep. My dogs get stuck in the studio all morning, but I walk them at 6am when I come home and the afternoons usually we walk for about 3 hours in the mountains. My dogs are getting old so my timing is bad, I should have moved here when I got the teaching job ( the same school offered me a teaching English job a while ago) 6 years ago. They were younger and they could have enjoyed the long walks more. But such is life. I have made mistakes, that is maybe why my life has turned out shitty. I made too many mistakes. That is a horrible feeling. Of course I have to live without thinking about that, have no regrets and move forward but I , can’t help thinking sometimes why I made so many mistakes..?? Am I such a mess in my head? Is it because I never had a role model, my parent which was my mother wasn’t a good life teacher? I am sick of blaming my mother, because even if some was her fault; had my spirit been stronger I should have been able to find other role models. When I was in SF when I was 17, 18 ,19, 20, I should have attracted more awesome people. I didn’t. I didn’t attract people who have done horrible things either. I have met good people, but not great people like the US if full of. As a European I attracted what I was used to having around me: half-decent people, that’s it. For a Swiss person, it was already fantastic to live in an American city alone, and experience life! I didn’t have it in me to attract greatness, as a Swiss. Yes I blame it on Switzerland! I think now that I have really been back for 3 and a half years, I have been able to see people for what they really are, not just because they annoy me but really for their lack of goodness, soul, spirit and inner beauty. How could great Americans fall in love with me as I was still a Swiss? I could enjoy the fun but I couldn’t change. Now I believe I have found myself and have been able to get rid of most of the Swiss in me. My problem now is that I have let my life go down to this level that I can’t come back up, financially. My dogs have helped to keep me strong and realistic. Now I need Lord Shiva to help to lift me up higher. I think that books like The Secret and Anthony Robbins’ have not been bad for me, even if they have not done wonders, I still think they have brought a positive base back in me.

Nov 29th

I am love sick. I have been flirting with this guy and he is not into me as much as I would like him to be. He was in the beginning and then once I got into him he is not anymore… It hurts. I am not sure if I am in love, lust, or nothing but sorrow because I don’t have a man in my life. I am starting to yearn for that connection… and I don’t have it with him, I just feel a vibe between us, or I am just drawn to him after months of “hibernation”. My life in the last 7 months has not had too many decent men around. Either way, I am hurting. I am always the one saying physical pain is the worst for me and I maintain, but dam it hurts physically as well. I think it’s because he doesn’t want to have sex that bad, as I always had men want to have sex with me. I am getting old or he is a different kind of guy, or as I said he is just not into me. I long for love with a man and even if I know he is not the man of my life, I feel he belongs in my life right now more than he is willing. Is it my ego hurting? I can’t even tell! That’s weird for me, the queen of ” I know myself well”. I know that I long for love with a perfect ( for me) man and money right now . I am dying to be happier than anybody! It’s actually a weird feeling, I know I have been wanting money for a while, for years now, but I have never wanted to be happy the way I want to be happy right now. I cry a lot these days. I cried a lot when I thought I had power over what happens to me because focusing on it was gona make it happen, I thought I had made efforts to be positive about what I want and I thought I was attracting, I thought I could win this lotto because I really wanted it, I thought good things were finally coming to me because I had understood the thought process. It turned out, I was feeling something but the amount of happiness and greatness that I want, is too much , and I am not that strong to attract all that! Just like these motivators, they tell you can have anything you want, but the lotto? No don’t wish for that, it’s too much! Think of practical ways to get your money… Right, I am bleeding for great happiness, and I need love and money to get there. I feel happiness inside of me. Lord Shiva is helping me keeping it alive inside of me but this happiness is surrounded by crap that is not letting it breath. Truth is, a man is needed now. Money has always been needed. I am not good at attracting those two things and they are the ones I need the most. How come I can attract things I don’t need or things I need to just survive, but the things I am passionate about and that would make my life a fascinating net, I am not able to attract? It seems like Destiny is afraid of my passion, it’s too strong for my Destiny. My Destiny likes to keep it simple. Dogs, working out, eat well sleep well… work a bit… But I want more!! I want great love the kind that you know will last! I want jackpots, like it’s way more than you expected and you have to give money away to dog shelters! I want dancing like where people tell me ” I have never seen such a dancer!”. I want martial arts abilities like people wonder if I am human! I want healthy beautiful loving dogs and cats and cows, like I am a vet despite myself! I want a life where I sleep with a smile every night! I want evil people to be afraid of me! I want great people to teach me stuff! I know, I want I want I want.. It seems Destiny has told me to sit and wait, don’t expect too much. It seems but I don’t want it to be true! I won’t let it be true. I used to say ” don’t fight Destiny” or ” you can’t fight Destiny”. It’s just that I have to stop seeing it as a strong power that doesn’t want my best happiness, but works in mysterious ways sometimes to hurt me and sometimes to please me. I still don’t like that. I want Destiny to be my best friend. I want Lord Shiva to be my God. My God who wants the best for me at all times. Destiny, my best friend who shows me that things do come true , dreams do come true. I am not old, am still young! Yes I am!

There was a French guy working at my old security job, the job I disliked, he was the only smart guy around. He was doing nights only. He told me a job like this or bad stuff that happens in life can be trampoline into something else. I like to think as all my sad periods in life as trampolines. I got this job which is better and it brought me here in Caux, which is a mountain I like. This mountain has made me want more, lots more in my life! Not just the lotto winning which I still want but MORE! Some say wanting more is not what is gona bring more, it will only make you suffer! No I don’t believe that. I believe it’s good that I want more already, so it’s turning me to the right direction. I walk all over this mountain with my dogs, and it makes me strong, and gives me something different. I always said , when I was in the US, I missed the land I was used to in Switzerhell, nothing else. This mountain is the kind of land I like. The people I hate as usual, but I must say the mountain is taking me higher in all kinds of ways. I am not happier yet but things are turbulent inside of me and it’s not for the worst. I cry a lot and it hurts these days, but sitting here writing about it and listening to Allan Jackson, gives me hope that my turbulence inside because of that guy is not necessarily linked to him. I think I’ll have to have sex with him and I’ll be over wanting him. Most of the times, guys are not that good and they turn me off after sex. The pain I am feeling I believe is opening some doors to something bigger. It may be my 3:30 AM imagination ( I am at work), but I feel life shaking!

December 1

I had sex with my stupid ex boyfriend, this afternoon. I had been sad for the last 2 weeks because I wanted this guy at school but I felt he didn’t want me. So today this guy I went out with when I got back from the US, for a while, was here to see me. We went for a long dog walk, hike in the mountain and then… He ‘s wanted to stay friends ever since I broke up with him. But almost every time we spend some time, an afternoon outside hiking or eating at a restaurant, then he tries to touch me and have sex with me, yet he says he’s ok with just being friends. Today I felt sad but laughing with him in the afternoon was cool so I was gave it up. It wasn’t very good. And then while having sex I was thinking about the guy I like at school and tonight I went to his room and let myself go , he started to touch me, it felt great. I love the touch of this man. He is 39 years old and he is not a big guy like I usually like them but this vibe about him I love how he feels! I don’t know if it was because we had to be quiet, or because I had sex this afternoon with some guy ( I know him well but still just some guy) . He felt good. I knew there was something about this guy I liked. It wasn’t frustrating sex like I have had many times when the feeling was not there. This guy… he is not my dream guy but there is something very sweet and passionate about him and how he makes me feel. I like it. I like him! It was good even if it wasn’t awsome. I must say that if a man makes you feel good just by his touch, there is something there to explore. I hope he will keep liking me… I am working until 6 am. After having sex with him and being with him, I feel good inside and I just want to sleep so badly! I would sleep like a baby if I could go to sleep right now! I feel like I needed to have sex with him and now I feel appeased!

Dec 2nd

Yesterday having sex with that guy even if it wasn’t awesome, gave me what I needed. I had wanted to have sex and he had said no the first night I really wanted it, and I felt like he didn’t like me and it bothered me. I had him last night and it felt right to do it after having wanted it! So today I saw him again, but just as I thought, I like him less. Works every time with me : after I have sex , since most of the times, it’s not great, I start liking the guy less. I still like him, but he didn’t make me feel the magic, so I can’t admire or love him. We kissed and it seemed he wanted to do it again, but I had to work and I didn’t really want to anyway. I do like his touch, his kiss, which is hard enough to find that. I am glad he still wants to be with me, even if we can’t say we’re together yet. He feels good and his presence even makes me feel good, so I can’t let go of a guy like that, since I hate most presence of humans in this country. Maybe it’s all relative. I so don’t see or meet guys I like in this country that a guy with slightly smoother vibe could make me want him more than if we were in another country.

Dec6th:

Today I wanted to go up to the isolated vacation apartment that I rented, far up in the mountain above Caux. It’s called Jaman, I think it sounds like a fun place to have an apartment. There is only a restaurant and 4 chalets where people only come on vacation. I wanted to bring a 15 kg bag of dog food because the place is unattainable by car. The walk is about 9km. The road is not done at all, there is a lot of snow. It’s a country-skiing path, going uphill very gently. The thing is these Swiss people work only when they feel like it, so now it’s December, there ‘s plenty of snow but they don’t feel like working on flattening the path for country-skiers and hikers. They have the machines, they have the time, bu they’d rather spend it at the local café, drinking and smoking. They will eventually do the “pista”, but when? So I walked in deep snow, up to my knees, 9 km, with Shiva in my backpack, pulling 15kg worth of food on a plastic bobsled behind me. It was so hard , I didn’t want to make Shadow pull it at all, so I did. I had worked the day before, and I only slept 4 or 5 hours in the morning. I hadn’t put myself through that in a long time. I was literally dying. Breathing hard, leg pain, tired from not having slept enough, back pain from carrying 5kg on my back ( Shiva) and pulling 15kg. I had a string linked from the bobsled to my waist so I was feeling the thin cutting-feeling string in the front of my stomach. It took 3 hours and a half to walk up. When I got close to the place, I had to put Shiva down on the ground and ask him to walk, I thought I was going to die. otherwise. So I put pumpkin on the floor and he was in deep snow, it was very hard for him to walk in there, but I was not thinking properly and I let him jump like a rabbit for too long of a walk. I put the bag inside the apartment, and turned back around to hit the way down. It had snowed all that time, so the marks that Shadow and me made were sort of gone, there was another layer of snow. Shiva couldn’t make it, I put him on the bob and pulled him but he was immobile and getting very cold. He was crying and when he cries, he is in real pain. So I had him run a bit and then back on the bob, back to running, and so on. But then he was freezing, he is low to the ground. I was stupid to let him out of the bag then, too early! I thought I couldn’t run because I was really seriously out of energy, my nerves were up from weakness. I was so scared of losing Shiva, meaning that he would die from the freezing cold. I pushed Shadow because I knew it was hard for him but he could do it, he had to do it, just like I had to do it. The way back took 2hours and a half. I haven’t pushed myself like that in years. I was upset but didn’t have enough energy to get that angry even though I felt it on the inside, nor did I have the energy to cry. I thought for a moment that I would give up. I don’t like that feeling. I wasn’t really dying but that’s when I realize that I am not that strong mentally and am a bit suicidal sometimes, or I test myself to the limit. Anyway I did take Shiva in the backpack for the last hour . He was full of snow and ice but the warmth of my body and the jacket over the backpack got him to stop shivering after a while and he was ok. I was glad that he was ok. I don’t know what I would do if he died because of me. Especially when I could have done things better. Well that was a tough afternoon. I had to then go to work where I am now and work all night without resting. It’s really tough tonight but I am drinking coffee and so far so good. I totally needed to rest after that ordeal , but we can’t always do what we want, or what we need to do for our health!

2 days ago I bought the movie “The Gameplan” with The Rock. The first time I watched it, had so much fun, just to see Dwayne Johnson in a funny role and to see real men ( big American football players) made me feel like being in the US. I am suffering here, have been for 3 years, but I guess as a poor person, it wasn’t the worst thing to come back to Switzerhell where I can work legally and get a decent salary. So I am thinking it may be that I need to have some kind of closure with this country. I hate it but I find my moments, and I pray Shiva for help. Help that I can win the Lotto. Actually I also need love. The funny thing , I was into this one guy who wasn’t really into me the last month or so. Well I saw that movie with The Rock and boom, I can’t even think why I liked the guy here. Zip! all the feelings I thought I had, are gone. I knew there weren’t love feelings but I was hurt because he was so not into me. Yet we had sex. It was bad as usual… The Rock is a dream man, the only man I dream about like that. Millions of females probably dream about him but I hope to meet him one day and get married just like I hope to win a huge jackpot at a Lotto game. It sounds ridiculous, but the hope is there, and I won’t stop it because this reality of hell says it’s impossible or ridiculous to dream that. I believe in winning the money more than I believe in real love right now. I need love badly. I haven’t found it anywhere. I am starting to think something is wrong with me. I am going to see some guy with special powers ( a famous Swiss healer) in 4 days at a mini-convention in a city close-by. We’ll see if he helps. I think Lord Shiva helps. I am not sure I am praying the right way, letting my demons go or keeping them like dear gold… I have just started to believe in Shiva in a way I had never. It was since I put that picture of him with black in the background, on the wall. I am really happy not to think about that guy that has nothing for me and that I wanted to be into me. I just wanted a guy I liked to like me back. I haven’t miraculously shifted my feeling. With the help of The Rock: He doesn’t even know but he has helped me do that! He represents a great American man I could really love, and seeing him in a movie here, where men are ugly pricks, gives me hope. I also truly believe I could meet him one day. It’s crazy right, it sounds like ridiculous women behind their TV screens gossiping about their idol, and hoping he will come to their house one day…. Oh well I am a ridiculous dreamer too…

Dec 6th

This French guy I dated for a while when I first came back from the US: He was nice to me and I went out with him a few months back. I was never in love with him. He and I spent Christmas together . He didn’t even give me anything special. He wasn’t in love either I guess in the beginning. Then later he started to say he could see us together long term. It’s sad when you’re with someone and you’re not in love which was my case, but I guess it worked for me at the time. However I didn’t lie and told him I wanted to think that far ahead and later told him that I wanted to break up since I wasn’t in love really. He was a bit sad. He said he wanted to be friends so we still did some activities like hiking together and going to events. I know Shadow liked him so I was ok with that. He after 3 years is still calling me to do activities and sometimes he tries and wants to touch me. As much as I don’t mind having him around to go hiking ( hell no other guy comes hiking with me), I don’t get excited by his presence nor do I like him to show any kind of interest in me, so I spend time with him just because it’s comfortable and we laugh, my dogs like him, well Shadow likes him. Shiva has liked other guys more. Shadow just loves whoever likes him, poor thing, there are so many people he knows who don’t like him. Well anyway today I had the great idea to take the train up to Jaman, up in the high mountain but not at the top, because I wanted to see if there was a way to get to the new place I rented that was faster than the 3 hour walk in deep snow. It turned out there wasn’t. I wanted to walk down from there, but there was no path, and bodybuilder Frenchy was scared of the risk of avalanche so he said he wouldn’t go and he wouldn’t let me go down that way by myself either, so we took the train back down.

I go on the web a lot when I am at work during the night. I dream as I enjoy going to look for houses for sale in California…or how to volunteer at a dog, cat or animal shelter. I get excited, I think my life should come true. My dream life of being married to Dwayne Johnson, and leading my life as an athlete, dancer and animal protector would so feel right and organic! I would like to write my book about the reality of Switzerhell, the country that I suffer coming from. Yes I know it could be worse I could come from….wait no it can’t be worse. One could be from a really poor country or a poor family and not have the opportunity to get any sort of education, but at least in those countries, there is a soul, a culture, a positive way of life, otherwise these people wouldn’t survive. I have been to poor villages in Africa ( Senegal and North Africa) and people may be poor, but they have a soul, a great philosophy about life. They live in communities and help each other out in ways that makes life make sense. Switzerland’s spirit is not only dead but soul less, lifeless. I truly think all other countries have more of a zest of life.

Dec 9th, 4am.

Tomorrow night I am going to a 30 minute session with a group of people who all want to be healed by this “healer” guy with “special powers”. I am going to see if he can tell me something useful and with Shadow’s picture, to have him help my dog with his arthritis. I am glad I don’t like that guy I wanted so badly anymore, but I am afraid I could be pregnant. I can’t have a baby with that dude! On top of the fact that the sex was bad, he didn’t even call me on my days off afterwards. Maybe he felt I liked him less afterwards, but still a guy that doesn’t call after sex, I am sorry, I can’t see him the same way. But at least I get a reality check really fast and then I get disgusted by the guy as a whole. If the guy keeps on being nice like the French guy I never was in love with, but he still travels far to come to see me and invites me for dinner at restaurants here and there, as friends , like we say. Yes it’s because he wants me back and wants to get sex since I gave it up twice since we have been just friends… I expect a lot, that is probably why I haven’t fallen in love because no man has ever treated me that good. I treat myself well, so if the guy isn’t going to treat me even better, what’s the use. It is then not very appealing.

Today I got upset a few times ( I am working on avoiding that): The first time was when I am driving down to the gym, this one car coming from the other direction didn’t scoot over on the road so I had no space and bumped into another parked car which broke my outside rearview mirror. I jumped out of the car and was going to get him, I ran but the car drove away . When I get upset suddenly like that, I don’t know what I could do, a lot of damage for sure. So it was for the better that he left fast. Then I went down to the town. Finding a parking spot is more than hectic these day because it’s almost Christmas and there is a Christmas market that sells all kinds of stuff on the main street. I parked a bit far from the gym in a parking lot, where I was running to the meter to put money in and this Swiss guy was walking in between cars just where I was walking and he wouldn’t move for me to go fast. He was staring at me as I passed by without touching him but without going slower either. These Swiss people, they don’t like someone to go fast near them. They’re not used to it and anything they’re not used to, they hate. So he was staring at me, mumbling something like I shouldn’t run or something. How about leaving me alone if I want to run , move fast , it’s my life and you should be minding your own business. But probably he felt disturbed by my speed of walk, so a Swiss man disturbed by a female and a younger female is unbearable for him! Gee, this makes you wonder why I hate Swiss men ( and women for that matter). Actually many Swiss women date foreign men, whether they’re North Africans, Africans, latin, and French, Italian, Spanish, etc! I have a German guy as a colleague and I think he is more fun than any Swiss I know. Imagine, a German guy! A lot of times he is funny. I don’t know if I don’t even remember what a great guy is that I think a German guy is funny, or he is an exception . I guess it’s like the French or any other country except Switerhell; People are sort of normal, some good, some bad. In Switzerland they’re all retards! And at least retards are seen as that, but the Swiss still enjoy some kind of awesome reputation. Come on puke with me!!! I believe the generation of my grand-father, the Swiss had at least a good work ethics philosophy. They worked hard and wanted to do their jobs right. At least that! Now they have become lazy, confused, illogical and pathetic, all in two generations.

Dec15th: I am definitely over that older student guy. As the matter of fact the only reason I still think about him is that I am praying and hoping for my period. As much as I usually hate having my period, not only because of the excruciating pain, but also I always say: Why do we women have to go through that? Just the fact that we loose blood once a month, is that fair? Men are also stronger physically, is it fair? Yes when men treat women with respect, share their feelings, trust , show love and romance, protect and cherish women for their entire life( that’s what love should be about), then ok it’s fair, or at least there is some kind of balance. But most men are scum. I am good with getting disgusted with scumbags really quickly, as I am with this guy I thought I had feelings for. The fact and the matter is, I am so longing to have real love that I always get my hopes up when I feel something good. But now I am praying for my period because not only am I not in a point in time to have a child in my life, but also I hate the guy, mentally, his personality so much that I wouldn’t want a kid from him. So I am hoping to see the blood and feel the pain of my period to show that I am not pregnant. I am so longing to meet a great guy. So I am in love with my dogs, sure, have always been, but it’s different. My Shadow though has a limp again. I pushed him too hard the other day when I wanted to go up to the far away apartment that I rented. It’s my fault, I pushed him too hard! But he forgives me, he is so sweet. I yelled at both my dogs to walk faster in the snow because I thought they could make more of an effort and now Shadow is limping. It turns out I decided to rent that mountain apartment for a month. Without my dogs walking with me up and down, it’s hell. I left the dogs up during the nights when I worked. At 6 am when I got off work, I hiked up the mountain for an hour and a half ( walking fast) in the deep dark ( well snowy) forest. I am not scared strangely enough, alone in the forest ( actually the moon was lighting up the terrain a bit). But I felt so guilty for leaving them for 15 hours that I was trying to rush up. And after a night of work, it’s tough. Well the first night is not so bad but I did it the day after, it was painful. Anyway, I am hating my destiny. Sometimes I think things are looking brighter, my luck is turning around, and then it doesn’t , or not for long, and not much. I need to win those millions or find real love, one of the two has to happen for me to get happy, really. I love my dogs but I need extra help living in this hell country. I still can’t stand the Swiss anymore at all. The cops drove by the other day as I was walking the dogs and they stopped at a distance when they saw me. I don’t know if someone called them to tell them there was ” one of the horrible dog breeds” in the village and they came to check, or if they were just driving around and saw me and decided to watch us for a while, and bug us. I still hate the feeling of cops staring at my dog and me, just like any Swiss with their nasty looks like my baby is a danger for their filthy society or something. I have the dog on a leash, always in the village. Now he is old and calm, you can see it, there is no reason to look at him with a nasty look. I have so had enough. Yes I hate them three times more than before. Hurting them would make me feel better. But for how long? Do I have to punch everyone who gives us a nasty look? Too much work!!! It is just the years of hatred that I have gotten for that beautiful dog of mine, only because of the way he looks. He has never bitten anyone nor tried to bite someone. He is my baby that I love. It hurts, it has hurt, it will hurt. The pain turns into anger, or crying. I don’t cry because of these idiots, I cry because I have to live here amongst them. I don’t have the money to go live the life I want. I don’t want a life like buying a yacht and doing nothing all day, or buying houses everywhere and leaving them empty. I want a home, take care of more animals, and train. OK the only thing I want that is selfish is train everyday, as an athlete, dancer, bodybuilder and capoeirista. Aside from that I want to volunteer at the shelter working with dogs or other animals, I want to help people who have dogs and don’t know how to take care of them, I want to help people have the best relationship with their dog. Is that all so bad, what I want? No but who wins the Lotto? People who buy a Porsche for their father who is unable to drive it without killing himself! Yes there was a huge jackpot a few months back, and this French guy who was a doorman at a hotel in Geneva won all of it. He bought a Porsche for his father and his father died a few weeks later, in an accident, driving that Porsche. The son was pretty messed up over it. Don’t tell me God hates the fact that I want to help animals and! Silly question but it crossed my mind. I am not praying Lord Shiva for money anymore. He doesn’t want to make me win but since he has helped me with protecting my dogs along the years, I can’t be anything but grateful to Shiva, and will keep on praying him for protection of my dogs and myself.

I can be psychic sometimes. I have a feeling I can see the numbers before they come out. It’s as if I knew I was holding back, in fear that my label wouldn’t be “free spirit” anymore, but “psychic”, or in fear to see too much into the future, which I wouldn’t want. I am not someone who likes to know what tomorrow will be like. I need to walk the walk, take the path. How do I free myself just for these games, just for the money? Is money is dirty? That’s what we have been told. Money is not everything, money needs to be earned,etc. I probably heard lots of those. Truth is money is the best tool on this planet. I am not sure my unconscious knows that yet. Let me tell my unconscious! We have so much crap fed to us since we are little, into our brains.

Dec 18th:

The other day I came back to the studio after work to sleep at 6am, and at 7:35am, the worker to fix the broken glass piece on the floor in front of my front door came with the drill!”No No No! I screamed and hit everything, and started crying. I couldn’t even try to hit the guy, I was so weak, I had to recuperate from past nights. I went into a fit. I started yelling. The rental agency who sent him know that I work nights. Do they care? Not at all. I need to get away from these filthy people. That’s why I spend a lot of time in the mountain, I love that far away apartment, but when there are going to be other apartments rented, it will be hell, so I am just renting for a month. Yesterday though I was up there for two nights, and it was snowing so no one was around… It was pretty cool, that’s how I like the mountain in Switzerhell, human-less… Tonight I was working so I had to come back down to sleep in the hellish village. Bugger! So now I hate that village with a passion and I feel like people know that I sleep in the mornings now they are going to try to bug me a lot more! Because that’s what people do in this country! Hate them, hate them, hate them. I want to win those millions! So what’s new? Same old story. I am trying to make it resonate differently so that I can be on a new frequency and make it happen, but it’s so hard. Like attracts like. So I need to be rich to attract millions!? I so don’t know how to free myself and get my psychic abilities to work! I can always get one or two numbers, but the whole thing doesn’t come to me, or I won’t let it come to me! I have got to make it happen! have got to! I need help on that ! I thought Lord Shiva was helping me. Lord or angel Shiva really helps me with my dogs and my protection, because I guess those things are so important to me! But I am trying to think that I don’t realize that I need that money for my survival, for my life! I so want to give me and my dogs a better life, but I don’t know where I am stuck. I have realized that I have to accept that my mother doesn’t truly want my happiness, yet she has raised me, fed me and given me money to live on when I was young, and still helps me with money when I really need it. I think that is confusing to me. I think I can’t make sense of that. I have to accept that she wants my failure, yet she feels guilty so she buys me stuff or helps me financially when I am in deep trouble. I think that is bothering me more than I think. I have to accept her horror. She is my mother and I have to forgive her, or forget her. I am not trash that she wants to step on and then give me crumbs to make me feel better or to ease her guilt. I am better than that! I am not trash, I am not only her daughter. I know that I live my life but I am still stuck on being her daughter. Let that go. I can be a better person without her. I don’t need her. I can attract this money to make my life a better life.

Do I not believe in me? I consciously think I am strong and confident, but deep down it is possible that I don’t believe in me, making it, in any sort of way, because no one in my family has ever put faith in me really. When I was in the US acting and dancing, strangers would put so much faith in me. I remember when people used to tell me “when you get famous remember me and come and see me”! They actually believed I was gona make it. I never believed it I guess. It was a nice dream but I never really thought I was going to make it. Doing what I did was a lot for me. Living my life in the US, alone, acting and dancing here and there was a big thing for a Swiss. I must have thought that I couldn’t do much more than that. I remember once my mother came to visit, in the US. I had just acted in this low-budget film, and was really excited. I remember telling her how I felt like I could make it, how I had a feeling I could go further in the acting business. She said I was dreaming and should stop thinking like that, and that it was stupid. Going further would have required more faith in myself which I never had! I know I am a strong survivor that’s about all I know for sure. Well, I am sick of surviving now! I need more!

Dec 26th:

A Senegalese colleague of mine told me on the 21rst or 22nd of December, that I should put my wish ( to win millions) in my center, for my celestial parents to see it and make my wish come true. I understand or think I understand what my center is. I picture it in my solar plexus or, if not, in my stomach. It may be deeper than that, but for me my center is that. So I have been working on putting my wish in my center. I don’t know about my celestial parents, but it’s possible that we have angel parents or something like that. My colleague then said : “you can’t doubt”. So I have also been working on : no doubt! The book The Secret also said: no doubting! I have added : no fear! So I keep repeating to myself: No fear, no doubt! My wish is in my center, it’s clearly the thing I want most, and I picture it in my solar plexus. I spent Christmas alone with my dogs in my apartment deep in the mountain above Caux, in Jaman. There are three chalets lost there and go figure my luck, the one right next to mine, was full of people. Well a family. I thought I would spend Christmas alone with my dogs in the mountain ! Some stupid Swiss had planned their Christmas up there for months I bet . They must have put stuff in the freezer in the fall and brought only the light stuff with them for Christmas. So there was my Christmas with nature….Going outside in the snow just wasn’t the same, with seeing these lights on next door and hearing the f**** open their window to hear what was going on outside… Instead I was stuck in front of TV. It was ok, I like to be stuck in front of TV with my dogs, but it would have been nice if I could have walked around the chalet in the snow with my dogs without being watched. They also walked around my chalet when I was inside, because they left marks really close to the building. Morons! Idiot people who have nothing better to do than walk around their neighbor’s chalet to see what’s going on on Christmas day!! Well the apartment I rented is in a big chalet with 4 apartments, which are always rented for short term stays, so these neighbors, a professor from Geneva I had been told (…), had to check on what was going on in the apartment I rented! I didn’t see them when they walked by so I feel like they were spying on me. Could these people mind their business? Never. I feel like shooting them, but let’s stay calm as always in Switzerhell….. Deal with the crap, these people are lame and not worth getting upset over! Yes, I know! Anyway lame Christmas as always. I can’t even say it was worse than last year. Last year I had a good meal at a restaurant in Geneva with my mother, but my dogs were alone and me and my mother…it’s not all that fun… So it was what it was. I don’t remember spending a great Christmas anyway. Maybe when I was little it was more exciting but there isn’t one Christmas that stuck in my mind because it was so great. I always remember there was a lot of food, which was and is always exciting for me, but is there more to life than excitement for food? I keep thinking there is but I can’t see it in my life! I have never had big issues with food, except after my father died, I went on diets with my mother, to be skinny and I got too skinny at some point and I was too young ! My mother should have stopped those diets I was on. She was happy because she could do it for herself and there wasn’t any tempting food in the house for her to be tempted. Thank you again mother! I think I could have grown a bit more too, I went on those diets when I was 9, 10. I had to grow a bit more! I was a bit anorexic, in the sense that I would lie about eating this and that when I didn’t eat anything, to people outside but my mother knew how little I was eating! Then when I went to the US, everything got better, I gained the weight I was supposed to have on me at that age. Then after a while, the few months back in Switzerhell after the US were tough. The first and second month was fun but then reality hit me and I felt horrible again. I wasn’t missing my father so much as feeling that life was dull, sterile, uninteresting, not worth living in Switzerland. I was not wrong. So I did eat a bit too much then. I thought I was fine but I was overeating sometimes coming back from school. I didn’t have major issues with food, just a bit of emotional issues linked to food, even if I have always enjoyed food and loved to eat a bit too much on certain occasions. But now I find myself getting excited about food in a sad way, like there is nothing else to be excited about. A little work out, food and my dogs, and I am good! That’s why Christmas didn’t feel so bad, I was with my dogs, had a lot of good food and TV, and I was ok. It’s great that I can be satisfied with little things. But can I also want more in order to attract more? Tonight there is a huge jackpot! It’s Friday. Am I gona hit it? It’s not up to me because I can’t move these little balls in that transparent bubble thing, but I am doing all I can by putting my wish out there, in my center and hoping that someone, spirit, parent, animal, will help me! I am not doubting that these millions are on their way.

I have suffered, cried, been extremely frustrated about not winning. I have not won for weeks, and kept on trying. Isn’t that what it’s about? Keep trying! As simple as that. Can you hope and try all your life and not get what you want? I am not sure how things work really. From experience I can’t draw a rule. Sometimes things work out because I am positive and sometimes they work because I am lost and have lost hope. So I stay open to suggestions, and I keep hoping because it’s like me to hope, to want more, to want what I want, even if I haven’t gotten what I want in years. Well I have gotten little things. Big or little, it shouldn’t matter. I think I am the one that thinks it’s easier to get little things. Still having my dogs, and having them healthy, or almost ( Shadow has arthritis but still going strong), that’s a big thing actually. And that’s something I feel in my deepest center, something I need . Life is a funny thing right? Circumstances, why things go a certain way, and not another way. I am stuck at that Lotto winning. I used to have answers, used to get what I wanted if I wanted it bad enough. I used to write poetry because things made some kind of sense, and I felt I could twist thoughts around for fun. But after not having gotten this money , after having played so so many times and lost so many times, I am stuck there. It’s like I can’t function properly until I get that, because I have wanted that for so long. I find positive and some sense in not getting certain things, like a certain job, a certain guy, etc I can see that the fact that I wanted them didn’t mean I knew they were really good for me. I could then realize that I was better off without them. But that money? Winning that money? I can’t see how I could be better off without it! Had I won when I was 18. I was in the US and I was playing Lotto with a friend of mine. I remember I used to say “if I win I’ll open a dance school in Switzerland”. Not winning was good back then because I was not only not trained enough at that time as a dancer to open a dance school, but it would have meant I would have moved back home for good very early on! I can find a few things like that within the next years I played. But during the last 4 years I can’t find one good reason that would make me say that I am better off than if I had won! Except for being more and more disgusting by this country of Switzerhell , which I am not sure serves me, except maybe for these lines that I ma writing and sharing with whoever will read this. I have also grown hatred, desire to kill humans, attitude, bitterness. The positive thing I could say would be that I will enjoy the money more now, that I have been through hell! Yes there is that.

Dec 27th:

Switzerland is a ghetto. Of course it’s not the ghetto with huge poverty ( wait I have yet to see a ghetto without BMWs or flashy jewelry…) or with drive-by shootings every day ( wait, but drive-by shootings don’t happen every day anyway). It is the ghetto full of morons, idiots, some with money some without. Many people have guns even though you can’t see the guns,and people pretend not to have any. I haven’t heard of any ghetto in the world where dudes walk around with very visible straps!! So yes, Switzerland is a real ghetto. It is so full of rich idiots, it scares me. The world has no idea. Even Americans who have been here say how people are so nice and discreet. Hypocritical backstabbers with no education who dream of being a part of Al Qaeda, secretly in their home… That’s how nice and discreet they are. But are too dumb to even find out how to be a part of Al Qaeda or what it even means!! Do you think Switzerland is the international community that gets along? Foreigners who never mix with the Swiss ( they know why) , live in their little international world. Oh it is a nice little community! They have fun in their little world, but it is a small minority of smarter people who come here to work, period. But there is the Swiss people: The people of an extreme stupidity who look at their world and think it is equal to communities like the US and Canada! Even the other European countries make fun of the Swiss. The Swiss think it’s because the other countries are jealous!!! Just like countries of the world are jealous of the US. Here is a flash: WRONG! Yes other countries are jealous of the US and therefore they hate, but no one is jealous of the Swiss people, just maybe of their salaries, but that’s the one and only thing. Even the scummy uneducated French make fun of Swiss people! No one in Europe even respects the Swiss. They might respect their Swiss banker, that’s about it. The British buy properties here because they know that with their British money, the Swiss bow to them and leave them alone.

I am afraid of Swiss, because I know it ( yes it) thinks it can do anything to a woman and will get away with it, and most of the time it is right. It is stupid, it thinks with no logic, therefore unpredictable with morals that come from the cave men , and there again not sure what the cave men’s real convictions were even if we know they were driven by primitive needs. The Swiss is an “it” because they all think the same even if the number of them is high, too high, and man they keep breeding! The Swiss have the same minds, they all think the same basically. Their primitive needs ( food and shelter) are covered, so their brains are looking for other things to focus on, and trust me those things are not educational! And the fact that because the country is rich, they think they know everything and are right about everything all the time, but they have no clue about the world! about life even! It is scary to live among people like that. And it is scary when you know that they have money. You don’t know what they are going to do in your back and for what reason. Human-wise it is the worse people in the world. I have yet to meet another lame people like them.

I am here working at a Hotel School where students come from all over the world. The marketing is pretty good for those schools because they attract lots of students, but when they get here, I have yet to meet a student that is happy about the school. The academic department sucks. Hell they were going to hire me as a teacher a few years ago. I have a certificate to teach adults, English as a second language, not in a school that is university level. These kids will become managers and owners of the best hotels in the world! I actually am worried about the best hotels in the world: The kitchen in this Swiss school is so dirty all the time, it smells, it is not clean as is supposed to be in a four or five star hotel! The food is not good. How about starting to teach everyone to cook well in a hotel school? and give them a taste for fine food, not necessarily expensive ingredients ( I understand the school is trying to save money anywhere they can…), but you can teach them how to cook delicious meals with average price ingredients! Then , I am using the computers every time I come to work. The computers never work . They are supposed to have IT staff and teachers. The students are always complaining about the computers not working. Come one! What kind of super expensive school is that? I need to use the computer for work at the reception. I have another computer I can use for internet at night. I am trying to watch some CNN videos to find out what’s going on in the world as student should as well, and I can never see a video with sound and picture! It is so primitive. Some students live in tiny rooms away from the main building , in chalets that are so old ( so is the main building really), that if they dropped a cigarette, the place would go in flames in half a second. They are not allowed to smoke and drink in their rooms ( I get that), but also no cooking not even a water kettle! That is how dangerous the place is, in case of fire. The electricity system is not up to date. According to the law, it should be. Students have dinner at 7pm at the cafeteria, and then they have to wait for the next day for breakfast. If they get hungry later at night, sorry, nothing… They can have fruit, cookies in their rooms, that’s all. It is winter, it’s freezing, and they live in a village with no store, two restaurants which close early, one real expensive, and the other not even open every day. Come on! You can be sure that I am not taking their rice cookers and their kettles away! I don’t think I’ll be fired for that since students won’t tell, and if I am, so be it! The school is making a lot of money on selling alcohol at the little disco they have downstairs in the main building! That’s also the only place where they can buy a hot min-pizza if they are hungry late at night. They attract students there so they can sell more alcohol and make more money!! This whole school is a big scam. Switzerland is a big scam. All the marketing to attract students, tourists, investors, is done by foreigners working in Switzerhell,and it works, but it is a scam. This country wouldn’t survive without tourists, foreign investors, workers, and even foreign people who come put their money in Swiss banks and buy houses here. I guess all of them were disappointed now that they lost money invested in their dear Swiss banks because of the bank scandal. I guess the very safe Swiss banks were not so very very safe after all, right? A lot of Swiss invested money and lost a lot too, and they now suddenly have the courage and audacity to march on Zurich Paradeplatz, to claim the unfair treatment of their bank that said to them, their money was going to be safe! Poor Swiss, don’t you feel sorry! Well, look at the bright side, some of them had never marched on the streets for anything in their life. They have passion for nothing… oh wait, it seems they do…for their wallet! Some Swiss will tell you how beautiful their country is, and how lucky they are to live in nature, and that their country is the cleanest in the world, and it makes them happy, whether their illusions are real or not. Well, we all should be happy at the end of the day, whether it is because of a big thing or a small thing. So that’s all good, but please, Swiss, don’t go telling the world that your country is the most beautiful, the cleanest, the smartest, etc. I have a great view of the lake and the Alps from my far away apartment that I have for a month . I have never had a view from a place where I lived. Well yes it is beautiful, as are many horizons on this planet. I look at it, and then what? I look at that gorgeous view, ok , great. Then I look at my dogs, living creatures, and I go wawoo! Now that is a gorgeous and precious sight! And the interaction that I have with them everyday, that is a great view! A great view outside the window should bring some joy into someone’s life, like it should bring less hate into these Swiss people’s lives to have gorgeous views from their homes. For me, to have space would be more of a luxury, for my dogs to run and play! But a view doesn’t make a country. If one could live inside and look at his view the whole day and not have to interact with people, I guess life in Switzerhell could be decent.

Last night I didn’t win the Lotto… again!!But no one won, and there is more money to be had next Friday. Ok so I don’t have celestial parents, but the fact that I have to put my dream in my center, I keep. I have to reflect winning millions, so that it can come to me, or some spirit can bring it to me! Lord Shiva has made me discover that place in the mountain and made it happen for me to rent it, I felt it and I asked him. It is not the greatest place but it has helped me not get stuck in that stupid studio I rented in the middle of a stupid Swiss village. My dogs are up there now, and I know Lord Shiva is watching over them. I have to leave them there for 10 hours and it breaks my heart. It is night time and they’re used to sleeping for that long, but still not being with them for 10 hours is tough for me. I love my dogs like there is no tomorrow.

Jan 3rd, 2009:

I can’t believe it’s already 2009 and I am still poor!!! I had many scenarios when I was younger of how I would live at 38, rich for sure but could have been doing many different things…. Well none of that happened! I am still the poor Swiss, actually have gotten poorer over the last two decades, and yes I am frustrated and I feel like beating Swiss people up, not because I blame them for my staying poor, even if they should be blamed for 10% of it, but I blame them for having made my life with my dogs a living hell ( my life with my dogs was the happiest I was, without needing too much except peace!). Nevertheless, I keep my hopes up and more: My Determination up! I have decided since last Friday that I have to choose to win and that’s it. Yes everything I have learned from self-help books and everything I have heard is helping me go to that state of not thinking , but just saying I am winning this game, I am winning these millions! No emotional ride, no questioning how to do it, I must win, end of story. Last Friday I didn’t win, so it didn’t work in a way, but there is more money now, 20 extra millions, and I can definitely use that for my dogs and the dogs of the world! So I am going to win this coming Friday. It is simply how it is. I keep saying it to myself and to any spirit that could be listening. I am already winning in another dimension, and Friday, it will come true in this dimension. Truth is until now I have always gotten scared come Fridays, my doubts always arise on Friday morning and during the day. I start thinking how it coud happen and don’t see it, I start protecting myself by letting myself feel that it’s ok if I don’t win, because I know I hate disappointment and it always comes because I am so used to it. My fear, not of winning, but of feeling the real pain of realizing my not winning, keeps me from letting go to be able to attract that money! It’s really a simple complicated thought process I am starting to understand. Yes I am Swiss and slow! But I am getting it. Determination is the key. I am winning and that’s it, that’s what I have to think. Stupid people often win at Lotto games because they don’t analyse everything , nor doubt because they can’t think of any process of winning. That’s what I have to get at, the point of not thinking, not feeling, just knowing that I am winning! I am getting there! Despite all the distractions, good and horrible, I am getting there.

Things are not good these days. Shiva has a cyst that I hadn’t noticed it and the vets I usually go to are on vacation until the 5th. I rented a place for a month and paid a thousand francs to have some peace, and there were people in the apartment upstairs making noise throughout the holidays. I spent Christmas alone with the dogs, not getting any peace, having these people making noise all night and I could hear everything. Hated it! I spend New Year ‘s Eve in a restaurant with my mother where there was one table for every body, no separate tables! The people were all Swiss. Nightmare! I survived it, no doubt but probably the worst New year’s Eve, ever. Plus on the menu there was Chinese fondue with beef lots of beef. I had to eat beef! I don’t eat cow! I stopped eating beef a year and a half ago. I felt like I was spending New Year’s Eve with demons, but at least I didn’t feel weak. My dogs were alone in the apartment and I didn’t like that either. M mother drank alcohol and she was her usual drunk stuipid self, only not as hard core as when I was younger , living with her. I watched a lot of tv at least up there in the mountain during the vacation. I don’t have TV in the new studio so I took advantage of that. A lot of movies and series in English, but old stuff of course. Tv gets me into it, enough to enjoy the ride, to feel I am away, somewhere else. I saw the movie Antarctica , with the Huskies left alone in the cold… I cried of course and it made me realize again how much I want to work for dogs, I want to dedicate my free time aside from working out and taking care of my own dogs, to helping the dogs of the world. And I think that with that money that I can win, I could make a difference for dogs, in several countries.

I want what I want so f****** badly. The words I use to express myself talking, or writing are a lot of swear words, and I used quite a few in this book. Well I try to say them less, and use them less when I write but when it describes exactly what you feel it’s hard to get passed the real thing. Swear words are ugly to hear, read , but it is important that I express the truth . When one is angry it is important to let it out too, and the best way is to beat up or try to beat up your enemy, but when you can’t , you get sick inside, and letting out swear words is curing a bit of that disease. People always think people in jail have done things out of insanity or cruelty. Truth is, even if I don’t go around giving love to criminals, I can tell you that people who have tons of frustration because they have been hurt in some way, when they go out and kill their enemy or beat him or her up, they ease their pain, mentally and physically. They might be full of another ache, which is guilt, but otherwise they can really be the sanest people who have been really hurt. I won’t say they did the right thing because the right thing would have been to avoid getting in a situation where one lets another hurt him or her. But in the old days when people could beat each other up and not get arrested for a simple fight, people were healthier. that goes for everywhere. Most Swiss only see violence on TV, that’s why when they do get attacked, they are so lame in trying to defend themselves that they get killed right away. There is this older couple in a Swiss village who had been robbed before when they were not there, and the other day they were in the houes and heard a couple guys walk round their house. The old man came out of the house because he was so confident that no one dared attack him. He was ready to tell these guys to get out of the front of his house, and the guys attacked him, he was so lame in trying to defend himself, he died very quickly. The wife was so shocked that she forgot to call the police, she was just looking out, and getting scared, and she got beaten up by the guys as well. She survived because they were not out to kill her, they wanted the money. She must have gotten some sense into her and gotten less cocky than her husband, and she made it ok.

January 4th, 2009:

This Friday I can’t miss the jackpot. It’s been too long and I need it too much. I am going to win it this time. I must. There is a lot of money, well for me it’s a lot anyway! I have got to get it, take it. That alone will be a revenge on all these Swiss people. They all play, give their money to that one place, and I am going to take it all! Imagine all these idiots giving me their pocket money despite their wishes! They would really hate me if I won millions. Not only am I not like them in any way and it bothers them that I am different. They love to see me poor, bully me and laugh about it. I can only imagine what they would feel if they knew a person like me won the jackpot that they so wished for. When I play Lotto at a store near the place where I live, I can feel the morons looking over my shoulder to look at the numbers I am picking. I can see them stare when I am paying for the game, as to tell me that I am not allowed to play, or as to say: “How dare you have one THESE dogs and think you’re going to win the Lotto?” I know they pray for people like me not to win, instead of praying for their loved ones to win. I have had it with everything here, and even though I may not seem or feel that strong , my determination is stronger than ever! I have to do it this time. I am feeling like these millions ( I feel like I am them), I am breathing these millions and smelling them. I am feeling these millions, I am receiving them and they are loving me. I know life can be good, and I still believe I can get out of this hell.

Today I was walking my dogs, minding my own business, and this young guy screams: “Madame, Madame, Madame ( he was repeating himself because I wasn’t answering) , you backed up into my friend’s van the other day and you touched his van and didn’t even stop to exchange information!” I knew what that prick was talking about. I was parked on a hill five days earlier, and the van who parked behind me had left no space for me to get out of my parking spot. I was struggling going forward an inch and backward an inch, in order to get out of that spot. He was in his van when I was doing that. Instead of backing up for me to have more room, he was just staring at me as I was struggling. I wasn’t surprised, I know these assholes and how they act and think. I barely hit his bumper, and as I did, he blew his horn. I didn’t stop to get out of the car because I knew it would be a waste of anger and saliva. I also knew he would either backstab me or talk to me since it was in front of my studio, and he probably was going to spend his days finding out that it was me, if he didn’t know already that I was the one with the nasty looking dog and who lived in that ground floor studio. So anyway, it was his son or something like it who yelled at me today, and who wanted to threaten me. I should have kept on walking. Unfortunately I didn’t have my IPod in my ears and I thought I heard he was coming towards me: he was but not too close since Shadow was there. I said: “what did I do? barely hit his bumper?” He yelled: “you backed up and hit my friend’s van’s bumper when you got out of your parking space, my friend blew his horn and you didn’t even stop to talk to him” ( not to worry I wasn’t scared of what he was going to do, I know Swiss punks). He thought by him telling me that I would apologize or feel bad, or get upset and start something that would give him the right to hit or shoot me ( we were in the forest, there was no witness. I told him in a serious tone that I was sure he had my license plate number and that he needed to call the cops and do what he had to do. He said that I was going to see how things worked around here! I still felt like shooting that young white proud idiot Swiss male, but kept on walking my dogs, calmly…. I thought I was done with these young punks because I look older now, and I have to deal with the old f**** on an everyday basis, who think I owe them some attention because I am older and they should have a right to tell me what to do and I should behave like a woman and be submissive and show them that they are strong, and I should never talk back.

Yesterday my car broke down. I was driving up from the gym with the dogs in the car ( I take them in the car sometimes when I go to the gym for an hour and then take them for a walk by the lake before driving up). It broke down right after I had thought about the car I drive at work at night, to drive students back to their rooms in the chalets. That car is a new and powerful car, and I was thinking how nice it must be to own such a car and drive it every day. It was as if my car didn’t like those thoughts and decided to let me know. So I am taking the train now, I hate it , sitting with people I don’t choose to sit with, and it makes me feel poorer, not to have a car. Well it’s at the garage for a week or so. I so need to win the jackpot on Friday. I wish there was a formula for me to make it happen for sure, like if an alien came to me when no one is around and told me : I know you want to win this money on Friday, and I feel like helping you: here is the winning combination. If the alien really looked like an alien and he or she would prove to me that he she is an alien, I would believe it and I would get the millions. I would love to see an alien anyway. I imagine the aliens smarter, wiser, and more fun than the Swiss. Well , I guess they could look like anybody, like Dwayne Johnson for example. They could be Dwayne’s look-a-likes, but tiny variations on each of them, long hair, short hair, bigger smaller muscles, etc. It would be paradise nation. How about a nation of only men? They wouldn’t need to have sex to reproduce, they would reproduce in labs. They would be able to read our minds, would be much smarter so I don’t know what that would be like, I am just human. I would love to learn stuff from them. They would teach me how to fix the problem with the number of dogs suffering on this planet, and other animals suffering. I would go visit their planet, if my flesh could stand the trip. They would have space ships that go faster than anything we know. Anyway they would give me the way to find the numbers of the lotto. I would win it this time and maybe a second time later, but I would then give combinations to people in the US who dedicate their lives to the well-fare of animals, even if I know that humans are so silly that they sometimes change in a bad way when they get lots of money. Some people believe in good things and when they have enough money to live and a good job, they spend time and energy helping people as a balance thing, to feel good about themselves. These people get a bunch of money and they turn to drugs, and other devient behaviors. For me I must say that I have approached all kinds of devient behaviors and nothing attracts me. The only devient thing that I want to do now is get revenge on people who mess with me in all sorts of ways. Some people say it’s better to make them suffer and watch them suffer than killing them. I don’t find much satisfaction in that. I just think these filthy filthy people should die, be gone, end of story. I am talking about scum, not people who have suffered a lot in their life and start doing some bad stuff because they are so lost, hurt and frustrated. Those have hope, when they get their life together, they recover and become an average Joe, sometimes even help others who have their same problems. But Swiss vicious idiots had it good all their life!

　

Or my aliens could also look like Lord Shiva, all of them with long black hair and half open eyes, nice features…But I’d be fine with funny looking, funny texture, creatures. I just want to get my millions. I am fine with earth, I don’t need aliens. I just want millions to do all the things I want to do. Can I tell myself that I can find the combination by being open to finding it because I really need it? I see many numbers and they all tell me there is a chance they’ll come out. I have to stop thinking I need help. I can do it myself. I am determined, I can attract millions whether it’s by attracting the money or just saying I must win. I am doing it that is it!

Jan 9th:

I am at the point where life is so not going the way I want it to go, my frustration and anger are getting stronger. I haven’t gotten a lot of things that I wanted, but in the past the main things would go my way, in my direction anyway. I could sort of figure out why I wasn’t getting the rest, or the little stuff that could have made life better, but I understood a lot of it. I thought I understood myself more or that I became myself more in the past couple of years and that I was getting to the point where I really knew what I wanted and I therefore could attract it. Quite the opposite, the more I think I know myself the more I think I should be able to attract what I want, the less I can make it come to me. Love, money, they are so far away. I have my dogs and my health. Now Shiva has a tumor. It needs to be taken out. Of course I am afraid for the operation he is not young anymore! I am seeing the end. Of course I can recover from my dogs’ death when they get old, if I have the money to live my life, have lots of dogs, help lots of dogs in need. I feel like I am living someone else’s life right now. The only thing that is me are my dogs but I am having such a hard time living with them in society ( from which I can’t escape because I am Swiss and I need to work in this scum country), and I am not lucky as far as apartments go. We have always lived in rat holes, I have only the chalet where they have a small piece of grass, but there is no running water and I can’t find a job near by. Well one of my last jobs was not too far: teaching languages to adults. I wanted to move on from driving from one company to another, and I was sick of my salaries being up and down depending on the amount of classes that I had taught, depending on who had canceled their classes that month. What I really want to do is to move on to winning money and get the hell out of the country, but instead I thought at least change jobs , I may get clues, get distracted, busy, learn something else, etc. I am making a bit more money too, working longer hours, working in security. I have to go back to the chalet for the dogs though. And work where? I don’t know. I can’t win that doe. I am trying to figure out why. After all those years of trying and wanting it with all my heart… I could understand that when I was 20, or even 25, if I had won it would have been too easy I wouldn’t have grown as much as I did, moving around living in various places, searching for peace, because that’s what I do try to find, peace, do what I want to do, have more dogs, help more dogs and animals, and dance. I work out now at the gym. I lift weights to let out all my anger and frustration, and it works, it feels better after I work out. I like the look it gives my body so I would keep working out even if I could go back to my first and real loved activity: dance. I guess I could have been more grateful when I was dancing in the US, when I had money to dance and work only part-time. I should have stayed in NYC instead of coming back to hell. I should have stayed in the US when I was in a group called City Slam and was working at the YMCA teaching aerobics, as well as volunteering and working out there. Why didn’t I stay? I wasn’t feeling satisfied, whole or who knows what that I had to come back to Switzerhell. Did I like to come back because I knew that I was always the best when I came back? I could teach aerobics workshops here and there ( that was when I was young and really motivated and didn’t really see the Swiss for who they were, I was too optimistic). I would go clubbing and I was the best dancer in there. Was I that pathetic? Probably. I was Swiss after all. It’s not until 3 years ago when I was totally broke in NYC, had to come back to Switzerhell to work and make more money than a baby-sitter or a part-time personal trainer ( not really good at selling herself, too proud I thought clients had to come to me..). I have been back for 3 and a half years. As soon as I got back I realized with a big R, how pathetic this country is because I for the first time in a long time was longing for a permanent job and apartment, two things very difficult to get when you are a single woman with different jobs on your resume, and who just got back from NYC. Unemployment was denied to me in Switzerhell because I should have worked in this country for the last 3 years to get unemployment money. I went to my mother’s apartment but her lesbian girlfriend did everything to kick me out within the first week. So I was sent to Paris with no money, to stay with a friend. Another foreign country. I had come back to Switzerhell because I needed work. I spent my last dimes in Paris until I had to take a nanny job in France right next to Geneva. At least I thought I would be able to look for a job in Geneva. Not an easy thing to do either. A lot of French managers hire French and the Swiss hire Swiss with experience in Switzerhell. I cleaned that French/Swiss lady’s s*** and took care of her kids like an aupair . I know I am intelligent and I had put myself or was forced to put myself in such a situation. At least when I was taking care of kids in NYC, I was working with smart people, but there in France, the lady was a dumb head and her kids as well. Why had this happened to me? I was a nanny for stupid people who treated me like dirt on top of things. These people were the definition of white trash. On the bright side, my dogs had the kids to play with, now and then. I thought I had to recover from that hell, because after all the great thing I did, lived and learned in the US, I couldn’t have come that low! I had an argument with that lady and her parents. They hit me, I called the cops. I left and I rented a room in a really nice house in the same village, with older people who had a big piece of land and four dogs. The dogs had brought me and that lady together. The room had no heat. It was winter. They charged me too much, but they were afraid I would take advantage of them since I was the one who asked if they could rent out a room. The place was great though. They had a beautiful Beauceron who was Shadow’s best friend and they also had little dogs for Shiva to play with. I loved that old house even if I was in a room with no heat. Shiva got a cold though. But then, I thought things were getting better, I was starting to teach English in a language school and hip hop at a gym in Geneva . I was working out at the local French gym. The lady I was staying with lent me her bicycle. I would use it as transportation. I would come “home” and walk all the dogs around the big house, on their private land, so I wasn’t bothered by anyone. They had enough land for me to walk for 20 minutes around there. It was great. I was playing the Euromillions game and I thought I was going to win because things looked brighter. Then I had to move, I had a three months contract for the room with these people. I really believed in winning the Lotto then. I felt lucky to have had found that place to live for a while. I didn’t win. I did move into a ghetto apartment of my own. It was hell again. People bugging me right and left. A lot of young French thugs would hang out in the hallways all the time. They weren’t friendly. Then I moved to Switzerhell. I liked that village with the view and the mountain and forest in the back, at first. Until the people decided it was easy to bug a woman enough to make her leave, because they didn’t want me and Shadow in their village. Shiva was discreet, but feeling the hatred that Shadow and me were going through. I then moved to the waterless chalet. It was better but without water, life was primitive, and I thought I was more peaceful there, so less angry all the time and I was going to be able to attract these millions. I didn’t. I changed job, had a temporary apartment, liked it in the beginning and there also I thought because of the big change of job plus apartment , I thought I felt freer and I could attract what I wanted more…and win the millions. I didn’t. I then changed job again for this one in Caux. I was staying at the hellish camping for two weeks, hellish really, too many stupid low life Swiss idiots, with zero minus zero education and very Swiss minds. I left and found a great little room for a month at a house with a female dog that my babies liked. It was good, close to work. Then I had to move to my stupid studio in this ugly village, hellish again! I thought I would help myself by renting a second apt in the mountain for Christmas, turned out to be half hellish as well, noise and too many people around there. Now I am still in this ugly village and I hate it, thought I was going to win the millions because no other options, and I didn’t. Shiva has a cyst, I took him to the vet, didn’t like her, so I am taking him to another vet in 3 days. Maybe I’ll have to go to Paris to his, our usual vet which I half trust, which is more than I can say for the Swiss vets which I don’t trust, have never done anything good for my dogs. I feel like Shiva is sick. Shadow limps a lot with his arthritis. I am falling apart. There was a bunch of money to be had yesterday. I didn’t win. Now what? And why can’t I win once, wanting it that much and having thought of it for years? I don’t want to believe that I am destined to be angry and frustrated for so long and then later deeply hurt by loosing my dogs, that I will start killing people for revenge because that will be the only thing that will satisfy me by then. Is that my destiny? The bare thought that I have that as an option of my destinies makes it bad, right? To me, not as bad as suffering as a victim for the rest of my life. Is it sad that I see murder as a not so sad option? I am a true Swiss thug… Thug or not I do have wishes to help canines, mine and others across the world. I have wished of doing good. I am good with dogs. Is it also so very bad that I am a dancer and I want to train again? I know my mother never liked me to dance as a profession and it really stuck in my mind that it was a bad thing to do. But I am a dancer , therefore I must be a real bad thing myself? Does my unconscious believe that? I don’t even know!!

Jan 10th:

I have a new theory: There are too many demons around me, or a few but that’s too many already. They are the ones who kept calling me back to Switzerland, and the ones who are making the Swiss f*** with me constantly because, granted, the Swiss are asses who look for s*** because they can, and they think nothing is going to happen to them as long as they mess with a woman and not a man. But they are not that good, people have been f****** with my life in every way possible within the last 3years. Lately I have had people who jumped on the stairs up and down all day long to make a lot of annoying noise. I live on the ground floor of an old building so I can hear it clearly. When they walk down the stairs, it seems they are walking in my studio. It’s as if they rest when I am not around and as soon as I get in, they start to make noise. It sounds paranoid, but it’s only because in the last hellish apartment, a bitch was really making noise on purpose . She was an alcoholic cleaning lady , and had anger plus nothing to do with her life. That’s never a good combination: anger and nothing to do…. Did I mention stupid and ugly? I am not sure.

Well, my theory is that the demons know I am capable of killing because I have strength, psychopathic episodes and freedom of spirit, which is good most of the time until you need to do something bad. The problem is with killers like me, I am sure 100% that the world would be a better place without the people I need to kill, and not only because they have messed with my life for no reason, but I know if they mess with mine they have and will mess with other women’s or people who are weak in-society ( foreigners, handicapped, etc). The satisfaction of course consists of exterminating nuisance. Don’t all of you like that feeling? Murder is taking it to another level, but back in the cave men days, they felt victory when they killed other humans who were either taking their food, woman, tools or who knows what else was part of their life. Ok we are not in the cave men years anymore. Well when you live in Switzerland, you sometimes wonder.. In the US, you can go to court, argue your case, win or loose, but having had the chance to fight it in that sort of way makes you feel good. In Switzerhell, they will make the world believe that you can go to court just like other modern countries. Even like France, which is all so very new at the court thing. You can now sue a company which has caused you physical harm, in France. Of course money buys you justice, because in Europe, poor people have no chance of suing anyone. In Switzerhell , of course money buys justice, but if you’re a woman, some matters won’t be accepted in court. You can’t sue a company in Switzerhell, unless you are a company, or a billionaire. You can’t even go to court.

In Switzerhell, you drive a little slow on the road and you have the car behind you tail you because he or she thinks it will make you go faster. It probably works on some people, that’s why they do it. The law of the devil works in Switzerhell. Whoever is not only stronger, but the most evil, wins. The devil must love Switzerhell and live there on some mountain. Angels are my dogs, who are beautiful and even if they don’t always listen perfectly to what I tell them to do especially Shiva, but Shadow too sometimes, they are the best things around me. My dogs don’t realize that we need lots of money to get a better life, get out of this hell place. All they can do to help is being there for me, like angels, protecting me like I protect them. I sometimes think we are stuck in the demon’s land. I sometimes think that demons hear what I ask for when I pray, and they make sure it doesn’t come true. I have to not say it out loud anymore. They can hear what I say and they can see what I do, but they can’t read my mind. That’s my theory of the day. I always thought that saying the things you want out loud makes it clearer and gives it a better chance of coming true, but I could have been wrong. Of course, unless you have no demons around you. Why are they around me? I dont know because I am easy prey, being a free spirit and having no one, no human around who loves me and gives me good vibes. The French guy I dated 2 years ago was so stupid and not spirited that he didn’t help me at all. His energy was dull like the Swiss, even if he had his French sense of humour, which was the only good thing. I believe when you have a lot of people around you who love you, it scares demons away. For me I love to be alone, with my dogs, in isolated places like the forest, the mountain… I feel good alone with nature, but I think it makes it easier for demons to stick to me.

I could be wrong but that’s the theory of the day. I can’t kill the demons because they are not human. Fighting them, I am not sure how, and ignoring them would be very difficult and dangerous, because when something comes at me I like to open my eyes and deal with it. I try to ignore these stupid Swiss who, in this village, get together and talk about me, I can see that people stare and talk, they don’t even whisper because again, I am just a woman. They don’t know I could kill them in half a second, without a gun even, because they so wouldn’t expect it, I could do it all kinds of ways. I guess I feel I am being bullied in this country with my dogs and the fact that I need to go outside several times a day and have to walk by these morons, and they love it. They now can see that Shadow is old and limps so they are not scared at all, just full of hatred. I have never been bullied before. In school I always knew how to hang out with the “toughest” guys and no one ever picked on me. Since I have had my dogs, the joy of my life, I have been f***** with, messed with, by these Swiss people, every way possible. In the US, well only NYC with the dogs, people liked or didn’t like the big dog, and I was sensitive to the look on people’s face that shows fear and a bit of hatred. There were some nasty looks in NYC, whether in Manhattan or in Harlem, but people didn’t come into my every day life to mess with me. I was always scared that they would do anything to my apartment when I was not there. There was this one German woman in NY, who I met despite myself, and who I got in a verbal fight with, who snuck in my apartment one day with my roommate’s key, but she couldn’t do much. In Switzerland, they always tried to make me leave the building, it’s like I am welcome nowhere and they’ll do anything for me to leave, steal mail, make noise at night, dirty my door handle, go in my apartment and go through my stuff without stealing much so I can’t file a police report, call me on my cell and pretend to be someone looking for an apartment, take over my paid parking spot for a while ( and then the village police won’t even tow the car there: funny they will for other people without a dog of a certain breed). It’s just a lot of stuff that they have done to me in 3 years. That’s why along with the fact that Swiss are scum and have nothing better to do in their lives, there seems to be demons helping them to do so much crap to me.

I don’t even like my new job anymore. I started in October. It’s January and I have had it. I am sick of doing jobs that I don’t love, and what I love to do requires money, doesn’t make any: train as a dancer and take care of homeless dogs. I guess it’s my bad luck! Or the demons! Or life sucks, period! But that’s a stupid statement really. I feel like I am caught in something, whether it’s a demon web, a viscous circle, a bad luck life even if I have had good luck in the past. I feel I need to break free. I keep trying to make it happen myself. I keep thinking by wanting it more and thinking it , it will happen. Let’s say demons are there. I feel like they came to me the day I fell on rollerblades and hit my head, I was actually hit by a car, fell and surprisingly got up with just a headache. But I feel like from then on, demons were with me. A week earlier I was feeling great to be in the US and to have found my apartment in East Harlem. It was in a great part of Harlem close to the park and just at the beginning of Harlem, across the street from a project, but it felt fine. After that accident I decided to come back to Switzerhell. Silly silly silly! I am sure even Shiva told me not to, I didn’t hear it. My mother is a demon, and not having someone who cared about me in the US, didn’t help. Ok maybe the demons were with me before! I have had such bad luck, even if optimistic, I always tried to push forward and created some great moments. I made mistakes, true, but I learned something in exchange every time, I am sure as well. I guess there is no answer. I always search for the ultimate truth and the way, the technique to make things better for me. Maybe there is no technique. I so loved the book of the Secret and Anthony Robbins’ book, but now it seems like it’s all BS, I can’t make anything happen! I have tried to believe and I have believed, but since I couldn’t get results, I have to think rationally and realize that these thoughts don’t work. It seems the more I ask for something the less it happens. Hence my theory of the demons. Are the demons created by me? Or do I let them come in? If that’s true then how do I get rid of them??? I am out of ideas on how to do that! I am very tired with this night job as well. I was fine when I liked it, and now I hate it and feel the tiredness it is inflicting on me. I could change jobs again….change apartments….again…. If I had the millions, I am not saying I wouldn’t travel, because I need the change, but I would buy my American home with lots of land and not have to walk my dogs except when I feel like going for a long hike. I am so feeling that life that I don’t have, but I could have it if I won the money. I am not sure many people can feel it the way I can. I can taste it. Maybe I am wrong and tons of people are going nuts because they thought that they would win for x and x reason. I don’t really care about those people though. I just want to find the way to make it happen. Ok How about if there is no way, it’s just random. How could this planet be random? A lot of things are created for a reason, whether good or bad. There could be some random stuff, but how come sometimes I feel or felt that I was on top of things in the sense that things were working out the way I wanted to. Not everything but the main things. And then , true it never lasted long. But I was fine with the theory where they say the reason why things cease to go your way is that you truly never believed things could go your way all the time! Is it really what you believe? Do I not know what I believe? Do I believe I can’t win? I dont think so at all. Is my unconscious so different from my conscious mind? I doubt it but what if? What if I couldn’t change my beliefs of not being able to win , of not having things going my way ? What if? What if I thought I could tell when I believe in something or not. Is my unconscious a far away land? I don’t know anymore.

Jan 12:

I am not bipolar, but I am extremely sensitive to my environment and my surroundings. I can go all out in a minute if someone provokes me. I know it’s not good. I should be stronger and there are days that I am, or am in my own world. Usually I respond to life, to what comes. In the US, I remember it works out good, because there is a lot of optimism in the air, so I would get happy pretty easily. Now, living in Switzerhell, I respond to all their s*** and life sucks. I know I have great potential to create more bliss when I am in an environment where people try to be happy or try to make themselves happy, rather than try to bring people down all the time. In Switzerhell actually, it’s like a game: who is happiest? It’s a competition. They love it when they are happy or something great came into their life and they can look at others and see how unhappy the others are. That makes their day. I am not saying the US is perfect and everyone wants their neighbor’s happiness, but there is that developed human capacity to realize that if others around you are happy, it’s good for you too!! There really is such a difference between the two continents, because I know it’s like that in Canada, and I think it’s like that in most South American countries, even though I couldn’t bet on it I have never lived there. I have met many people from South American countries but they were living in the US or Europe, or at least travelling a lot. It is a big thing to live in a society where you know the people will be happier if your life is sadder than theirs. Wouldn’t you rather live in a country where the majority likes to see happy people and say things like : “good for you!” In French, that expression doesn’t exist except in a sarcastic way : ” tant mieux pour toi” . It means you’re not happy that someone got something that you didn’t get. The English language is more optimistic. Every language carries its mentality. French is a beautiful language but it’s very serious and macabre. I like French it’s my first language, but living in Switzerhell now I wish I didn’t speak it. I don’t want to hear these Swiss people talk. Their conversations are dull, stupid, useless, and they talk BS, to say nothing really. They just like to exchange words, it makes them feel that they’re alive. Everyone needs to communicate , it’s good for the soul, but the Swiss and their habits of saying hello to everyone all the time, and then not having anything else to say is pathetic. They have this great habit of saying hello ( bonjour), which is great when you think of it, greeting people is good, but then that’s it, they either say nothing after that or they talk crap to say nothing interesting. What I have always loved in the US is how many people start conversations on the street or bus, train, by being funny, making jokes. In Switzerhell, people who do start conversations on the street are the ones that are yelling at you telling what to do and what not to do. Very few men even try to flirt. Please these people do not know how to flirt. Southern European men do alright with the flirting even if they are on the very “direct side”. Then it’s a matter of taste. If you like constipated, ,ugly, uninteresting men to look at you in a weird way, with a weird smile, trying to let you know they like you, you’ll love Switzerhell! Frankly I am amazed everyday at this country and its lack of everything positive and anything that’s good, fun, and productive!

I have a neighbor and his son who are moving, and he is moving with his own car which means he is coming back and forth a million times per week, and especially up and down the stairs that I can hear as if he was carrying junk through my studio. He runs up and down. I am not sure if he is trying to show that he is athletic or he is trying to drive me nuts! Knowing the Swiss, it’s probably because he is badly parked and he wants to hurry not to get a ticket, plus he loves the fact that he is driving me nuts. And it is driving me nuts, I can hear every step like he was stepping in my room, and I have a studio so I can’t run to another room. It drives me so crazy that I truly feel that frustration of wanting to at least go and hit him if not kill him. I hate being poor …

When I walk in the village, I feel the same as when I was in that hell village where I got kicked out by the people, the two villages are the same in the way that I feel the bad vibes against me and my dog, and I feel like reacting because it’s the natural thing to do but I can’t because if I open my mouth they will love it and be able to yell back some stupid comments that are not going to make any sense whatsoever, or if I hit someone, they’ll be too happy to call the cops. It hurts. The frustration hurts. I know being alone makes it harder. Like my mother says, you have to pay the price if you want to live alone ! In other words you will have to take crap from these people, or have someone around all the time to talk to you so you focus on something else. It’s the same story, I have been through that in that other village and yes I have to leave these kind of places, but I keep moving because people push me to leave! I am so fed up!! I have had it! I am angry, I cry, I am frustrated, angry, sad. I feel sorry for myself because I am so desperate for happiness that I do create a lot of it, I give myself what I want in food, activities as much as possible, being grateful for my dogs’ presence, etc. I thought I was over this deep deep hatred because I thought I pulled myself out and chose a better places to live at. But I didn’t know when I got into this village. Since there is town near by which is a bit international, I thought the surrounding villages would be smarter than villages in the middle of Swiss cows ( which I like by the way). But I was wrong, yet again! It’s ok, I am not blaming myself. I am moving on. I have to now go to the chalet ever day off that I have, for starters.

Jan 16.

Friday night was last night. I didn’t win, again…. I am lost now. I have been wanting this for so long, so many years! It’s not fair. It’s not fair that ever since I have gotten my dogs, I have been wanting to win for us, not only for me but for them. I wanted to give them the life I pictured with lots of land, a stable home house in the US ( or elsewhere for that matter, that was not the most important even if I would have been happier in the US). It’s not fair! Shiva has a tumor, maybe has cancer. Shadow has arthritis in a bad way. They are getting old and they’re still living in a small studio! I hate this f****** life! I could so picture what I wanted, I had lots of patience all these years. Even I am getting old. Certainly as a dancer! Life sucks. It’s ugly and I hate it. I have tried to love it. I know I enjoy some of it, because that’s how I am. I take advantage of moments. I don’t take anything for granted anymore, and I haven’t for years now. Ok I have been more than tough with Shadow for a long time because he had to be perfect because of his bad rep as a breed. I am so fed up with this world!! So fed up!!!

On Tuesday I drove to our chalet. We hadn’t been there for a while and I was so happy the first night, I didn’t hear anyone around. We had peace and quiet! It was nice, I enjoyed those 3 nights there actually. Now back at work, and in freakin hell town! With all these disgusting people everywhere! Yuck! yuck yuck. I think life hates me. It showed me all the best things in life to then not give them to me. All I have are my dogs. I am grateful but they didn’t have a great life at all! I am so not happy! I so want money, and money hates me. I have been repeating the things they said in The Secret: money loves me , for 6 months or something. But truth is money hates me! I wanted my 2 babies to have a great life! Let me guess, money is gona come when I don’t want it so so much… When my dogs will have gotten sick in this rotten poor life, living in small places! I won’t want the money, and then it will come right? I must have killed a lot of people in my past life to deserve this. That’s probably why I feel I can kill, or that killing humans is not a big deal to me. So if there was a past life, I probably killed many people who didn’t do anything to me! I cut their throats, maybe. I don’t feel like I shot them I feel like I used a primitive tool to cut throats or beat to death. I now must be paying for all that. I am so down to earth that had I been poor all along and seen nothing in this life I wouldn’t have suffered as much as I do after seeing the good life up close. I can only find this for explanation! Otherwise life is too ugly for no reason! I must be paying for the past. Knowing that , can I change things for me? Not sure. I can only do my best with what I have… as usual! But I am looking for a change, for improvement! I need to get a clue on life just a little bit more, with age!

I want to believe in Lord Shiva! He has protected my dogs all these years. I feel horrible asking for money to him but I do, I have… It’s horrible though. Is it? Money is bad then? Money is not bad, but getting so much in one easy winning, it’s not fair. Forget fair! When am I gona realize that winning is good for me and the dogs. Maybe I know that deep inside I am not a good person and that I wouldn’t use the money for dogs only… I think I would, I would get a house for them, get a car for them, other dogs for them. The only thing I would do for me is go take dance classes. Is that so horrible? My father sure never wanted me to be a dancer and my mother either, she always said no to dancing. Yes to acting, but no to dancing. She thought I couldn’t make a living in dance, but in acting she thought I could make a little bit of money here and there. She acted when she was young , small time but still. She thought I could act a bit. But since she was no dancer at all, I obviously couldn’t have been good at that, nor did she want me to show the world I could be good at something she wasn’t good at! She has never had the sense of space, of motion, of her body in space like I had. Jealous, I bet she was. I should have known. Now I remember that older woman in a dance class in the US once. She was good, in shape, but old, I thought. I was 25. Now it would be me in those dance classes, looking like a fool, old… while everyone would be young. Maybe I shouldn’t go to the US, even if I won the Lotto. Young people take dance classes! Only in NYC do we find these freakish old women with money, who take dance classes every day! Maybe I am stuck in NYC! Ok maybe Destiny is waiting for me to say I am not going to the US, and he or she will make me win??? Ok So I’ll forget about the US! I ‘ll go to Italy. I’ll get an apartment in Rome! I Do you hear that Destiny? Did you not want me to go to the US? Because I’d feel horrible going around taking dance classes with all these young people. Ok I’ll gladly settle for Italy!

Jan 18:

Well thinking about Italy didn’t work for me to win millions… A few days ago I felt stuck. Stuck with all my hopes and trying to attract the jackpot not working and not knowing what to do. I went into a very dark period for a few days, wanting to kill people again…. really badly…. It’s not good for my dogs to see me like that and feel my energy. Going to our chalet helped but gave me too much hope that I was going to win, that I was ready to win. And I didn’t. Then I went back to my wanting to slice people’s throats, the Swiss mainly. At school where I work, most of the students calm me down, they, are from all over the world, young , full of good energy, even if some of them are down, the mass is still full of better vibes than the Swiss I feel around me in the village. But still, I was not feeling well, plus these idiot Swiss were waking me up by bouncing on the stairs on the other side of my studio wall in the morning. Two days ago I slept 3 hours, I was so angry when they woke me up, I wanted to hit them of course, kill them so they’d be quiet. I was shaking and breathing like a hog. I instead took the dogs out so they got some sun. I then lied down on the grass in the forest for 20 or 30 minutes without being able to sleep but at least rest as I knew there would be no one in that area. It is so tough to long to sleep all the time. This night job is ok when I can sleep well in the morning. So anyway I was thinking I was going to drive to the chalet, every morning at 6am after work, a 90min drive minimum, but at least I could sleep there!! Well not if it’s sunny with Shadow outside barking at people walking by, because I had started to let him bark at people when they were all driving me nuts. Anyway so I must say I was lucky to talk with this Bulgarian guy at school , about life, thoughts, and The Secret. I told him it doesn’t work for me, I can’t make it work. He lent me a book written by a Bulgarian writer many years ago. I started reading and he talked about working on your spiritual side, you have to, not long for things, but just wish for harmony, peace and health. I am ok with the health part, but I thought that kind of perfect thinking, wishing for humanity’s best, world peace are not for me. The hippie in me would love world peace and all people being cool and nice to each other, but knowing humanity, and the disgusting people I have come across in Switzerhell, I couldn’t believe in world peace unless it was after eradicating the whole Switzerland. Even in the US there are a number of people who are sick, evil for the wrong reasons ( as opposed to evil because life has been hell). This Bulgarian book has taught me one thing so far: thoughts are not created by us, they are entities that come to us. Our job is to control them, get rid of the bad, keep the best. He also writes about how thoughts are like our children that we have to train and educate. The fact that thoughts could be entities from outside was new to me. But it makes sense because I often have great thoughts accompanied by feelings, and I always kept thinking it was because something good was going to happen. I thought I was psychic or had female intuition. But no, then I’d get disappointed and bumped. No more! What I have to do is keep the happy thoughts, welcome happy thoughts! When people mess with me I get angry there is a bit of natural reaction for my character, but I can also reject the evil thoughts of visualizing killing them. In any case I can’t do it now because I don’t want to risk loosing my dogs and my “freedom” , then it’s no use for me to think those thoughts. I get angry it’s one thing, but letting those nasty thoughts come into me is not good for me. These thoughts see my anger and they’re lurking, waiting to get in me, and so far I have been very welcoming! I have opened the door to a lot of evil thoughts of murder within the last 3 years. The book says that thoughts can be seen or taken by someone else who might kill instead of me. Well there was a time where I wished that was true and someone would have killed my neighbor in the hell village or the concierge who was messing with my everyday life. I truly would have been thrilled to see someone else kill them for me. But that doesn’t happen. But the part about welcoming happy thoughts and the fact that thoughts are entities and not created by me is something that has made me think a lot. And thinking a lot helps to see things differently. Happy thoughts, more happy thoughts, and not calculating how much I think about something in hopes to attract that exact thing, could help. Just happy thoughts. I have actually been thinking about more money than the Lotto could ever bring me, the kind of unlimited money. That’s happy thoughts! Just happy thoughts. I am not thinking about how to attract it , it’s so far out, and so happy! I am thinking: Brownstone in Manhattan around 63 rd street, the whole house with a big private garden in the back. I can picture my happy healthy Shiva and Shadow and their new girlfriends that I would have gotten them. All of us going for a morning walk and the rest of the day playing around the house and the garden. Our cat having fun in there. I was also thinking cabin in Colorado, near a great ski resort. My jet to take us there once a year for a month. I am thinking house by the water with our private beach. My jet to take us there once a year for two months. I am thinking house in Connecticut, next to a cow farm. We’d go there for a few days get-aways. I am thinking money so I don’t have to count it, so much that there is always enough. But I am also thinking happy thoughts for right here right now. I have put ads to rent the stupid studio I am in, to get rid of it. If I leave before the end date of the rental contract, I have to be the one to find a replacement. I have looked for another place already. I have called people to buy a cat, which I am really excited about! And I think my dogs will love a kitten to play with! I am thinking happy thoughts!

February 19th:

I am at a point where I am not sure if my core is there. My core was always to make sure the dogs and me stay together, never separated. I left them once 4 days to go to NYC to check out a stupid job and Shiva got hurt while I was gone. I have been really upset that I have wanted to beat people up but I haven’t because of the dogs. I never wanted to risk going to jail and have the dogs put somewhere in a shelter, or Shadow be shot by the cops because he growled and barked. I never wanted the dogs to be alone , they have had me as their mother, owner, master, ever since they left their homes as puppies, and I know that there is one thing dogs love, it is consistency. If people don’t always give them that physically, as far as feeding on time, walking on time or changing homes, moving, traveling. All that is ok as long as the owner stay the same. They’ll be all right as long as they have their human master friend that they know and recognize. My life has been such a mess ever since I got my dogs. It was not because of them at all. It was a mess before too, but before I my father’s death’s money to go to school and live in the US. Had I known to let go of my mother, I would have used the money well. The fact and the matter is I have been a bad mother to my dogs. Shadow , who loves the outdoors, has lived in rooms and studios all his life! I have been moody , upset, angry and sad. I have been a bad mother, just like my mother has been a bad mother to me. I thought I would never be a bad mother. I love my dogs and on good days, I want to be better, and I can be sometimes, just not all of the time.

I am living in a studio yet again where people are bothering me, making noise to drive me nuts. I have been in places like that, once in town in the Northern part of Switzerhell, a studio with a balcony, in a town even more North, in a two bedroom apt for 5 months, in that bilingual town a tiny studio, in a deep flat country town, in a room, in France, in Paris , in the last two horrible villages. In all of these places, there were five or more people trying to f*** with me. I have lived horribly, with stress , tension, desire to kill, in all those places. But my core has always been about keeping the dogs and me together. Now they are getting old and I should be gentle with them but I can’t even do that. I need to pull them away when men walk by or they will hit one of them with their bag, umbrella, cigarette, or god knows what else. They always do it when I don’t pull my dogs away from their path. The thought of killing the punk upstairs who makes noise like crazy near my door to f*** with me has crossed my mind. I am thinking Shadow could go live with the French guy I used to date who liked him and would probably take him if I begged him to, and Shiva could go with Sylvie, this lady in France who has 4 dogs, or go with my god mother who has a little female dog. Sometimes like now I think that breaking the cycle will only be done by killing one of these Swiss people. They all look at me like I can’t do anything to them, like a woman can’t do s***. They all laugh when I get upset. I have been dying to kill them. Some old American friends would say: “You’re bigger than that”. Inside you’re right, I could be bigger if life would let me, but let’s look at my life. My dream was to be an actress and a dancer. I can’t even say I didn’t make it because I was weak at trying! I had dance opportunities that I didn’t take. I didn’t even go to my Julliard audition when I had one when I was 23. I don’t know why I didn’t go, I must have had a stupid reason that made a lot of sense at the time! I am a looser. I even got fired at the beginning of the month. I now have finished my month and my job in Caux. I didn’t like that school and the people running it, but I wanted to quit not be fired by idiots. Idiot bastards of Switzerhell have f***** with my life in every way possible. Now I am in that studio which I can’t even get rid of, find someone to take over the lease. I can’t do a dam thing anymore in my life. I think my dogs would be better off with other people. I think I can start killing. St***** A****** is the one I need to kill here. Mr M****** and Mrs A****** are the ones I need to kill in that old village. The neighbors on both side of my studio in France near Geneva and the bitch I worked for as an aupair in that same village are the ones I need to kill. In the bilingual town, I lived in a ground floor studio and ever since I asked people to not slam the front door, they all started to slam it more and make more noise,and throw things at my windows, and hit my windows , so there kill whoever I remember and the concierge who didn’t want to do anything to help. In the North, kill Mr Z***** from upstairs. In the town by the lake, kill the concierge and the bitch on the ground floor who probably still lives there because she was a bit old. In my hometown, where my mother has a house and where I lived also with my dogs for 8 months, kill the two cops: M****** and Sch******. Once all that is killed, if I am not caught yet, take my dogs back, I’ll be calmer. Right now I am unemployed and I don’t see how I am going to live in this country five more years. I am giving my dogs five more years to be healthy. I was and still am planning on trying to live calmly until they go, and then start killing, but tonight I thought I couldn’t wait. Well I threw away my Swiss knife that I was carrying in my pocket all the time, that might have been small but I knew I could cut throat with it. So I trashed it with my dog poop bag. I am so sick of this country, I can’t even say. I don’t want to set foot in Crappy Switzerhell ever again. Of course the best and best solution is always to win the game…Lotto. I am praying and asking different entities and maybe the one that I am asking now will grant me with my wish, but I have no certainty. I know that my life can be great with it and will probably stay shitty without it, even if I always manage to get something good here and there, so my dogs and I don’t go totally buzurk!

Feb 25th:

Because of all the crap that I have endured from these Swiss people and the fact that I have been fired from the stupidest , most pathetic hypocritical scammers of an organisation, the school SHMS in Caux, a so called famous hotel school in Switzerhell. Please!!! In the past I had always quit jobs. I had never worked for someone who did me so wrong that I could still hate them because the ones that did me wrong in some ways, have also done good things to me or have taught me important things while I was working that I haven’t hated a whole organisation I worked for. But this one! I had my share to complain about them and what they did to the paying students, but my night job wasn’t all that bad considering I had to break some rules to keep warm at night, since the place where I was supposed to stay at was freezing cold. Oh but many students had no heat or very little heat, so I didn’t feel alone and treated unfairly. So I got fired for the end of February. I stopped working a week ago. And my Shadow is ill. He is not well at all, and I am here with a dog who not only has had cancer for a while but was doing ok, plus that fact that he was poisoned. I am not sure how I feel. I had much hatred for the Swiss before already. The tumor came ( if it is one: a Swiss vet had diagnosed a tumor in Shadow a while ago and the only symptoms he had were from his arthritis) after all these years of crap we had to endure because of his breed!!! He is not insensitive. I have always felt cancer was something brought on by frustration in people’s lives, so for a dog it’s the same thing. Shiva luckily doesn’t really care about people. He is not the dog that will go up to people to say hello. If they have a dog he’ll want to say hello to their dog, that’s all. He has been good like that, in his own world, focusing on what matters. Shadow and me, we are sensitive to our surroundings. We’d like to block it out but we can’t. Plus Shadow always liked people… I feel like s*** these days. I don’t know if he is going to die or not die, sooner or later. He is not well, but the next minute he seems ok, just not full of energy. Anyway I am trying to be there for him, while not neglecting Shiva. Needless to say my tolerance for people’s s*** has gone below zero, but I maintain that I shouldn’t kill anyone now as long as my dogs are still alive. But the desire to kill these Swiss people and some French, the ones who have f***** with us and the ones who come in my way now at any time… I can’t explain how much I would feel relief to kill them, one two, all of them, whatever. This one lady on TV was saying that hate is close to love and that indifference is much worse. I don’t agree at all even if I have heard that many times. I don’t know what’s wrong with the people who say hate is close to love. I can get upset at someone I love, my dog, my friend, whoever, but I won’t hate them if I love them! Indifference is just not caring, ignoring, being selfish. Yes it can hurt but hatred is really something deeper. I hate the Swiss for their core, their inside, their guts. I want them eradicated. I don’t think they should be allowed to breath air. That is if I believe there is some good on this planet. Of course I could not think much and say I hate people in general and this world sucks. Thank God I saw other cultures, ones like the US, where I know not everyone means well but the majority tries to mean well. And that’s a big thing! The Swiss are filthy rats. Hypocrisy could be their best asset because without that the world would see who they really are and wouldn’t let them be, or at least wouldn’t go spend their money on vacation in Switzerland! Well that’s changing anyway, people are starting to spread the word when they had a bad experience on their holiday trip, which is always, nowadays. Switzerhell then attracts the rats of the world. The foreigners who live there are, I realize now just as filthy. I used to hang out with foreigners and criticize Switzerhell with them, but then I realize that they really integrate into the hypocrisy, and still criticize but they have become Swiss in a lot of ways! I used to also hang out with Swiss who criticize the Swiss system and how people think , but now I can’t stand them, they are so all alike criticizing each other and living well, in the country, having their little parties, dinners where they complain about everything but don’t do a dam thing to change things nor to help people or a cause! Worthless people! They never help, ever! Forget helping the planet, helping someone who falls on the street! never! What I feel for these people is deep hatred. I am truly convinced the world would be a better place without the Swiss and the people they attract to live in their country! I feel like being Swiss has been a curse, but I am writing this book to kill the demons. Why is there so much filth in a rich country and the world doesn’t see it or leaves it alone? Probably because there are other problems to worry about in the world. In their filth, the Swiss have managed to stay discreet. They would bomb places and kill massive amounts of people for fun if they hadn’t been trained to be so stingy with their money! The country teaches kids to be stingy, to keep your money because that’s the only good thing in your life. And they are probably right about money being the only good thing in Switzerhell. So people keep their money like it’s their blood flow. The ones who give money to organisations, they do it not to pay too much tax!! It’s not a joke like in the US, it’s for real in Switzerhell! I know not all rich Americans spend their money wisely: I just saw auctions in Geneva on TV, where paintings are sold for 20, 30 millions! That has got to be the definition of ridiculous! Cruel and criminal. Should you be able to spend your millions the way you want to? yes but you should have a mind and a heart ( the combination is great) and spend money wisely when it comes to millions!!! At least buy companies where people can have jobs, I don’t know, something productive!

Feb 27th:

I’ll tell you the frustrations of poverty on a daily basis; well the ones I am experiencing anyway. I am at the chalet. I get up in the morning, I find my little dogs’ ears cold ( which always means he is very cold) because the heat from the electric heater only works towards the upper side of the room. So because Shiva is trained not to come in my bed unless I invite him, he freezes. Shadow is not as cold because he has a comforter plus he can stand the cold better. Shiva has a comforter in his cage but he moves around at night, doesn’t sleep in the same spot all night so he ends up falling asleep in one spot and then gets cold. So that’s the first frustrating thing in the morning. Then I take the dogs out, I have to watch out for people who insult me, scream at me to put my Shadow on a leash in the mountains, a dog who listens and obeys well, heels by my side. Plus now he is a sick dog with something no one can tell me what it is. The 2 vets can’t agree. I go for my short walk since Shadow is really sick it’s not worth going for a real walk anyway, and get him tired and get frustrated with these idiots out there. Until not too long ago I used to push my dogs to do our legendary 2 hour walk in the morning that we had been doing for the last 7 years. So the frustration of having to deal with idiot people outside is getting unbearable. Then I come back in, I start a fire for heat. The fire won’t start… a lot of times… my wood is too thick and paper doesn’t work . I need little chunks of wood, which I can’t do because the chalet would fall apart if I start using the axe inside since it holding on piles of bricks, and outside there is snow everywhere…. So I push paper in the fire like a crazy person. Then When I get a bit of warm water for my tee, I have breakfast. I can never have food without TV when I am alone. So I turn on the TV, doesn’t work.. I have to mess with the digital antenna for about 20 minutes until the screen is half still. I sit, eat and still the screen messes with me, so I get up a couple more times while I am having breakfast. Then, I’d like to have a shower! Oh wait I don’t have running water and boiling water to throw it over me to take a “shower” outside in the day time especially when it’s sunny and people are walking around is never a good idea if I don’t want men to roam around my place, as I try to not talk to people to make sure no one comes near my front door, in my garden. They come around when I am not there I know…Then I try to call someone for a job , there is no network, or the network is there only it cuts off every second! I know I could avoid most of my frustrations living in a studio in a building with morons all around, in a town away from the mountain. Well my quality of life is still better in my waterless chalet than near these moron Swiss who do everything to drive me nuts. They are not afraid because a woman does not know how to kill in these primitive countries. A woman doesn’t know how to do much really. Actually it is so ingrained in everyone’s mentality that it’s true, women can’t drive, can’t do a lot of things, because they have heard since they were little, that men do everything better, except ironing, cooking, cleaning.

What makes me sick is that the Swiss think women can’t do anything including hurting someone physically. I choose to live in this chalet. I have to deal with all the primitive living crap ( humans) but I also ,once a week or so, have to deal with morons coming close to my place at night, or in the evening messing around throwing rocks or snowballs at the chalet, and so far since I am still alive they haven’t tried to shoot, but they have attempted to kill my dogs since Shadow is suffering from an intoxication from rat poison. Had I seen it earlier I could have cured him but now it’s at a stage where the vet says he only has a few weeks, months at the most. I couldn’t have known because he had been in a little pain for a while because of his arthritis. He is in deep pain now, day and night even with the cortisone. I feel like killing like a psychopath, because I don’t know who it was who came by with the poison. I feel like killing them all!!! But most of all I am afraid to miss the guilty person. I am more afraid not to get the bastard than to kill innocent people. That’s when you know I have got real hatred. Before I always stuck with my beliefs that I had a list of assholes who messed with our lives, and I was, to once kill them. Every time I would get upset at someone about something, I’d have to remember that I had worse enemies. But now I am living in pain with Shadow, hoping he’ll live another day, another week, another month and dreaming another year or two!!!!!! Tonight there is a punk parked right next to my car. It’s a dead end and he could have parked further but I know he is one of the f**** who lives around here and who is having fun messing with my life, then he walks towards my chalet even if there is no real road or path, but he knows it’s not my property near the forest, so he does it just to mess with me. He doesn’t think I have a gun, he just thinks I will get upset and that will make his day, or night in this case. He could have had a gun. Someone tried to kill my dogs, they could try to kill me, but for that, they’d have to blow up the chalet just like they did on that woman in the next village who had 2 of my dog’s breed. Her chalet is burnt, gone. I never found out if the dogs are still alive or the lady. That kind of thing you can’t find on the news, and you have to know a cop or a fireman ( if they did go I am not even sure) who was there. Even people who gossip often can’t find out the info. I need to leave this country in a bad way. I have been saying that for 2 years now, but in poverty with 2 old dogs you think twice about hitting the road. I am getting detached from winning millions because that’s the only way that the universe could work itself out to bring me what I want. So far I had been pressing the thoughts, the issue like a stubborn kid, and that stubbornness works if it’s something physical I need to move with my hands and feet, but a game like that, it’s the universe pushing the balls in the holes. Detached is the new word! Feel detached! I don’t know how it came to me, I think I heard it somewhere at some point but it came to me today: “You have to feel detached”.

March 7th 2009

I have yet again not won. There was a big jackpot and not only because I have been wanting this winning for a long long time and still believe I can win, but also because right now I am at a dead end in my life. My Shadow is sick, I lost my last job and I hate this country a bit more every single day and it is getting unbearable. Unbearable to live here and unbearable not to be able to get out. So my will power to win a jackpot like there was last night had never been stronger. I actually thought I was on a new frequency because I wanted it more and in an absolute way this time. People who talk about the power of the mind always say that it doesn’t matter if what you want in big or small. Some of them have said that it ( the power of the mind) wouldn’t work on the Lotto. But in my logic, I can’t conceive that one can make things happen, whether big or small, and one thing doesn’t work…the Lotto? Their logic is that the odds are slim and many people want the exact same thing at the same time. I still say if the power of the mind works, it can work for the Lotto! Obviously it hasn’t worked for me. My 2 explanations of the day: I don’t know quite yet how to make my mind work since I am a very down to earth physical person, or the power of the mind doesn’t work. Bad thoughts try to enter my mind: Maybe not everyone can have power of the mind, maybe I don’t have it at all, and also, maybe there really are demons stopping me from winning, annoying me and making my life difficult. I could see them as laughing demons just like the Swiss laugh at the fact that I have no money. They got me to come back to Switzerhell where they know people are dumb, as dumb gets, and that it would drive me nuts. Not only that but they mess with my life and as a woman alone the demons know I can’t fight back. I can’t fight back with the law and I am being watched like an alien ( or just a woman) and I can’t get any kind of revenge without getting caught. For that I ‘d have to get help, help from people who are in Switzerhell right now and those people ALL make me want to vomit, whether Swiss or foreigners.

March 8th

I have hopes that Shadow will be ok. I must not want to win those millions though yet, that’s my theory of the day. I realize I want to write this book to tell the world about Switzerhell and I had been thinking that I should win the millions before really getting to it. I was writing here and there, but I thought that if I win the money, then I can have all the time in the world in the US to write my book. But by not winning this time, I have come to think that when I win I won’t want to write about Switzerhell, I won’t want to hear or speak about Switzerland! With all the things I want to do and I know I could do with loads of money, I won’t want to sit and write about this filthy Swiss place!! It had never dawned on me. Had I won yesterday, I wouldn’t have killed any Swiss, wouldn’t have taken any revenge, nor written the book once I would have been in the US. I would have been in my little bliss-y world, planning about all the great things I wanted to do! So I don’t really want to win yet. I have to write this book. I need some kind of closure with Switzerhell. In a primitive world ( I certainly learned to think primitive in this country), I would need to go kill every single one of the trash-bags who messed with me. And I am an elephant, I remember the ones from way back when I was younger. But mostly I want the ones who have messed with my life when I had my 2 dogs and especially Shadow. These people killed his spirit. He is not dead yet. He is doing horrible though. He is in big pain every day. Every night he wakes me up several times to go in the snow to get some relief. One vet told me he was poisoned. The other said he wasn’t sure. I could tell he was lying. That was the one working closer to the chalet, so was he protecting someone he suspected? We have been through so much with my dogs. I couldn’t stay insensitive to all the crap unfortunately. I could have a tumor myself because of these bastard people, but that hasn’t been established or proven. I just don’t go to the doctor’s. For now I concentrate on the vet. I have high cholesterol, for which I take medicine. I also wake up with my arms feeling asleep ( pins and needles), the blood circulation not working well. It could be because of what I eat. I eat a lot of fat and a lot of sugar. It helps me live. I work out so I am not obese but I am fat. It doesn’t bother me because I have more important things to worry about. And like I always say, if being fat is a problem in our societies, we really have problems. All these women and men who go seek help because they can’t loose weight!? Come on! It’s a rich people’s problem. We all need to learn about nutrition, the facts about the nutrients we need to have a balanced diet. Once you have that knowledge, people should not seek help or complain for being fat! It is such a small problem to solve compared to the other problems of this planet! And I am not saying everyone should try to save the planet but people should worry about getting food and shelter, love and passion and try to help something or someone on a daily basis. Aside from that the problems with eating too much and not being able to stop, or smoking and not being able to stop! Talk about will power! Are humans that weak? I understand however someone who is handicapped or can’t work out because of health problems and has difficulty loosing weight because her or his body doesn’t process food as well as bodies in good health. When I look at these women who pay thousands to see an adviser to help them on their “special” diet and theses same women buy fur coats. The combination of the pathetic nature of paying to get help to eat less or have someone force you to choose your foods because you can’t do it alone (…) and then, the viciousness of participating in the industry that goes to kill innocent animals to make cute coats which also cost thousands!!! Not to keep someone warm because men have come up with several good material that keep people warm!!! If you live in a cave, go hunting for food and kill an animal to make yourself a coat, a cover to keep you warm at night, sure! Your lifestyle is somewhat organic, natural. But the industry of these gross people who go kill animals to sell the furs to boutiques across the globe, sorry I can’t see the logic except demon logic. Then if that’s ok, I don’t see why we don’t have the right to kill people who make our lives a living hell!! I know: humans are so precious. Human life is so important, no matter what the filthy human does to others! We go to trial, give him a warm cell with food and water, milk even! Give her or him activities to distract the important human… I am not for the death penalty though because I am against the state taking the great authority to kill one person and not the other on the basis of a trial with “proof” that is real or not real.

Why do animal lives have less importance? I never really understood that. I get it that humans have more abilities because of our brains and the structure of our bodies. But that means that humans should be smarter and show it! When you look at the planet, you can’t say that humans show proof of great intelligence. I don’t hate all humans, don’t get me wrong. That reminds me, once, I put an ad on the web looking for a man who valued animal life, who wasn’t into being with lots of humans all the time ( like some people who needs to be around people, go out to bars and clubs all the time, see people everyday). I remember getting this answer from one guy who wrote how stupid I was because if there wasn’t any humans left, many animals would die, of hunger or be killed by other animals. Therefore I stress the fact that I don’t hate humans, I just like the smarter ones. We can’t all agree. I don’t only like people who agree with me, but your logic has to be coherent. Psychology is complicated. People get crazy and do things they’ll regret, or act a certain way because of their environment. But I love humans who make sense on the planet. I tell you the country where I have lived that had the biggest amount of those kinds of people was the United States. What I have lived in Switzerhell has shown me how massive amounts of people live in a world where viciousness is their main motive. In Switzerhell people have been trained for years to be scared, scared of the authorities and rich men mainly. That’s what keep most people from killing others. They have learned to drop their main motivation and do something else. I see many people who do activities like courses, art, working around the house, the gym even, without liking their activity. You can see it in them how they are there taking part in an activity, but their hearts are not in it. I wonder why they bother. But then again if it can keep them from hurting their neighbors for no reason…

That’s all they do, f*** with people, these Swiss f***s spend their lives f***ing with people’s lives. And when they see no man in an apartment, just women, they will mess with you even more, and even more! I am living full time in my tiny chalet, without running water. It’s primitive but at least I am alone, have a small fenced yard for the dogs, and especially now that Shadow is sick, it’s a lot better to be in a chalet than in a studio. The chalet is at a dead end so cars sometimes park on the road in front, but every other day, I have assholes who park there and look, look what goes on here, see if they see other people than me. They sit there in their car and watch, to mess with me. They obviously have nothing to do. I say “they” because I regularly take license plate numbers and the only ones that come back on a regular basis, are the ones who go for walks and hikes. I don’t know who most of these scum bags are, some are people from that other village where they kicked us out of, who think they can still f*** with me. I am so ready to kill, if one asshole comes within my yard! I am so determined that not one of them has come inside my yard, when I was in the chalet. I know they come inside when I am not there, to look around, put poison on the ground, look inside through the window when it’s open, steal a shovel or a bucket just to show they can, but I have to say they have never some inside the gate when I am there; Thanks to Shadow’s presence. Well they are not afraid of my desire to kill because they would laugh if I told them, but they are afraid of the big dog. But the truth is I am so determined to kill if they approach. If only they knew. I want to kill many of these Swiss who have made my life a living hell, but I have not even hurt them. The thing is in this stupid country, it’s not worth beating someone up, because you go to jail, and as a woman I would either go to jail or end up in a mentally disturbed hospital if I so much as hit someone. So I won’t make a move or if I do , I’ll go for the kill. If I kill without a witness, I have a chance to get enough time to drive out of the country and run away. Except I have no money , a sick dog, and an old dog. So I eat my frustration up and I go about my day.

These days I cry a lot because of Shadow’s state, and because I have never been able to give him the kind of life I wanted to give him. He is dying now. I hope he will live another year but the vet is not so optimistic. My life is miserable, I am poor, live in hell country, and have one of my dogs who is really sick, poisoned. When these mother-f***ers come around and sit in their cars for 2 hours in front of my place to mess with me, now I keep thinking that they want to see if Shadow is still walking around, because I am sure the word is going around that my big dog is not doing so well. They have broken stuff under my car before while they were hanging out, parked behind my car. I don’t care these days what they do to my car. Now my dog is sick and these people are still sitting there in their car for two hours, watching in my direction. I can’t take this crap anymore!!! I cry and wait until they leave. I want to go cut their throat but instead I cry! Why can’t I have some peace now that Shadow is very sick??? Motherf***ers! The man is alone in his car. The other day, there was a guy with a dog. He went for a small walk then came back to this car. I watched the car and he was there for 3 hours. I went down to see his face from up close. He was watching a movie in his car, in a freezing weather outside. It must have taken a lot of car battery to heat the car up while not driving. He didn’t have an expensive powerful car. I knocked at the window because he wouldn’t open when I made a sign for him to roll down the window , and I asked him if he was waiting for someone or looking for something, he said he had the right to stay there if he wanted, that he was probably going to spend the night there and that there was nothing that I could do about it. Then I started asking him who he worked for, and what kind of crap he was trying on me. He rolled up the window, made a phone call, stayed another 15 minutes and then left. I don’t know if he came back or not, but I was on guard. I am sick of being on guard. I am always on guard which has saved our lives a few times, both of me and of my dogs. I feel so much safer in the US, where everyone likes to say there is a lot of crime. Frankly from what I have experienced, there is more crime in Switzerhell than in the US. Plus the fact that as a woman, I feel more protected by the law in the US. I remember this New York cop, at the gym, he was telling me that as a foreigner, I had a lot less rights than an American. He had no idea what it is like to live in Switzerhell as a single woman. I may have had less rights than an American but in American society, I felt already safer as a woman, and I anyway had more rights in the US than in Switzerhell. I had more rights with the law, had more rights in society with men in general, had more rights to have fun and to be me.

March 9th

I am here in my tiny cabin with my dogs, one of which is really sick. It has been snowing like crazy. I have to get on the roof every other day to take the snow down before the roof collapses under the weight of the snow. As the matter of fact a part of the wood at the edge has fallen off. I put a broom to sustain the rest of the roof. It’s very primitive. I have no water, so I take showers with boiled snow ( then water). I can’t wash my hair. I can’t wash the pans and pots. I put snow in them and I boil and boil. For that I have to get wood, lots of wood. At this point I don’t go get it in the forest. I go buy it in a town, 30 minutes away, and then carry it up the snowy hill. No one makes my path when there is snow. I guess I can be happy that they sort of do the road that leads up here. Now there is so much snow I can’t walk straight down from the chalet to the road, it’s easier for me to take a huge detour through the forest. It’s fun some days. It’s anyways better to live here than in some studio with scum all around. Shadow likes it here. Here they may come and mess with me for a while but then a few hours later they leave. I’d rather deal with this. It’s all relative. But I am so tired of the way life is right now. My dog is suffering, he looks at me a lot. He looks at me and says I am in pain! I can’t help him except pet him and be with him. My small dog on the other hand is still well and I can’t take him for long walks and leave Shadow alone. Anyway with his little legs, he gets snow clogged up all around his hair anyway. He doesn’t like the snow that much! Shadow at least likes to lie in it every 5 hours to relieve the pain. At night he asks and sometimes I can’t hear him. He wakes me up pretty often so sometimes I sleep through the groning. I am unemployed which is always stressful even if I know that it’s not bad right now because Shadow needs me. I am here alone with my dogs in my cabin under the snow, shoveling every day to see the light, and dreaming, still dreaming… that everything could get better… It’s my eternal dream of winning lots of money to go buy a home, get more dogs, a cat, a bird. ( yes even if birds and cats are not supposed to get along) I have been dreaming of that same thing for so long, it hurts inside. It hurts. I don’t know whether to hold on to the dream for it to happen or to let go because it might never happen.

March 11th

Last night on the news they showed the 2 school shooters in Alabama and in Germany. The Swiss tv interviewed Germans. They said: ” I thought murders in schools was only happening in America. Now America is coming to us! ” The poor Germans are being attacked by the Americans! About Europeans: They love McDees, all the food and drink imports that we can now find in the super market ( 10 years ago there was limited choice of foods in the supermarkets). They love the American movies, music which they play as if they created it because they add a few lyrics in their own language ( look at French hip hop…). They love video games, TV shows, clothing style. They even like to use American ways of talking. Whether they know it or not, they all take on some American “thing”. Some of them idealize the United States, and some of them under-estimate the United States. Most Europeans are jealous of the United States and they criticize over and over everything they can while watching American movies and wearing American clothes… The hypocrisy here is childish. Germans, French and even Swiss have murders in schools, but most of them are kept quiet. The Swiss love to show all their neighbors’ crap on the news, so the Swiss reporters always try to catch a shooting from another country and show it on TV

About the Swiss showing others’ trash on tv to make believe how perfect Switzerhell is compared to the rest of the world, there was this 15 minute slot on the 30 minute ( Swiss news only lasts 30 minutes) Swiss prime time evening news, about the production of MET in East St-Louis, USA. That was in October. They showed the ghetto with the GREAT amount of thugs, true poverty and criminality. It could make people be glad not to live there. But was there nothing else to talk about on the Swiss news for half the time of the whole news program? Well nothing they wanted the people to know about! The news is not allowed to show anything they want, and it’s not like they want to go against the dear government, the authorities. The Swiss are well afraid of the authorities but these TV programs makes some of these people really scared of the US. I personally don’t mind , I wish more Swiss would be scared of the US, because I don’t want to see Swiss when I go to the US. But, I have heard Swiss people say that they would never go to the US because it was so dangerous! Tv works wonders. Well it’s not like people talk to each other about political, philosophical or religious stuff. They have been told not to talk about any of that at work and don’t talk about any of that with their neighbors! Plus it’s not a very talkative people anyway. They love to chat to pretend to be nice, to be polite. They love to insult women and foreigners. End of story. Intellectual conversations where real opinion and thought exchange goes on doesn’t happen on Swiss soil. Well, there are many sects. We call them sects because they belong to a group, sometimes religious, only talk to that group, are faithful to that group. That group gives them safety to talk, yet they tell them how to think and talk. I never knew there were that many sects in Switzerhell. They pretend they are even smarter communities than society ( which already thinks it is smarter than the rest of the world).The old building which the hotel and management school I worked for, rents out is owned by people who hold private conferences 3 times a year. My colleague told me they wore weird costumes for their meetings. These people need to create sects in order to belong to something. It is the sheep mentality. Many students see ghosts on a regular basis in the palace. My colleague told me that this sect who owns the building, create these visual effects, while pretending the building is hunted. How convenient or fun it is for these idiots to scare foreign kids so that they would stay weary and careful, so that they would talk about the place in their own country. What a great publicity stunt! I worked in that building and I am very sensitive to presence, whether it be ghosts or other entities. There is no ghost in that old building, only an electricity system that is not up to the national norm and that needs to be updated to keep the safety of the students. But that updating would cost a lot of money. The owners of the palace call themselves a group that fights for a better world. Supposedly a group that talks about making the world a better place. Right…The guy who lived in a villa next to the palace, and who is one of the owners, plays friendly to find out what goes on in “his” building, among students. He also takes part in the school conferences. I have heard him sneak in his secret office next to the reception, where my colleagues and I used to work and chat at night when no one was around. This guy who spies on people, and “tries to make the world a better place”, couldn’t help me find an apartment when I got this job and was desperately looking for a place. It is a tiny village where everyone knows each other, where everyone talks about everyone every Saturday morning at the post office. I wasn’t fired only because the stupid hotel school managers didn’t like a woman who talked too much and was getting a bit too close to the students which was dangerous for the school’s false image. I was not lying to the students like they wanted me to. I was also fired because this sect of owners saw that I was not only a big mouth about truths and facts, but I was also telling students that ghost don’t exist ( because for one I knew there were no ghosts in there and they weren’t supposed to get scared for no reason) and the students were actually listening to me. One of my collegues who was never doing his job right, was working there for 8 years. He was a nut case, believed not only in ghosts but in a lot of imaginary spirit stuff which he would sometimes share with the students. He was the kind of guy who would say he can tell things about a person… The stuff he told me about me was so off. The guy from the sect also didn’t want me around, not in the village, not in the school, because he knew what kind of dog I have. I know I don’t have to want revenge on these kinds of assholes because his soul is so damaged that he will end up in great pain.

　

March 13

Life is not peaceful in Switzerhell! I live in a small cabin located in an area where the people I see, aside from local pricks, are tourists or Swiss going walking, hiking, sledding with their poor huskies who only get to run in the winter time, cross country skiing and bobsledding with their kids. So I do get some peace at night or later at night, or during the week sometimes even during the day. Last night I was lying down in the snow looking at the stars until my dog barked to tell me there was someone around…But you would think that I could get a day without getting upset by these idiot people. No. Here I am, unemployed so I don’t have to deal with anyone at work. I need to go to the gym sometimes to work out and take my one shower of the day since I have no water here. So I take the car and drive down. The morning had started peacefully. I had walked the dogs without seeing anyone, hearing anyone scream out repeatedly the name of their dog when they see mine, without anyone who gave me a dirty look or who insulted my big dog. So I am driving down the mountain… It is impossible to drive and not have either some moron who drives so close, licking the rear of my car because he thinks it’s going to make me drive faster, or some slow Swiss that has to make a full stop ( almost) before every curve. Geneva license plates are the worst. They come in this area only once a month so they don’t know the road well and they are super careful because they have heard about car accidents even if the local news won’t talk about them. Today there was a big mess of traffic on the road, because of the police blocking a kilometer long so no one would see the accident, or murder or who knows what we will never know about!

Anyway, I have learned to deal with the prick drivers, I wait until there is a dotted line where they can pass and I slow down so they do it right away. I was on my way up the mountain after the gym, and there was this car which drove right up my rear like he wanted to pass, so like usual I wait until I see the road straight for a bit with a dotted line, and I slow down so he can pass. But he wasn’t passing! This is how sick these people are. He had a powerful car and he was driving fast until he got behind me. But because I slowed down to let him pass, he wanted to bug me to show me that I couldn’t tell him what to do! I know how psychologically disturbed they are, and I can’t stand it and will never get used to it! I despise these people so much.

At the gym today, there was a bunch of older people ( that will teach me to go to the gym in the morning). The older men look at me and want to make eye contact. Then they insist and walk by me several times when they see I am avoiding their looks. They walk by and they stop in front of me ( because they can), and do it again and again. Instead of punching them which I would love to, I move to another area even if I need to work out where the pricks are . I am new at that gym so some of them don’t know that I live on the mountain, in that isolated area. . These same men are the ones with lots of time on their hands who would come put poison in my yard, and the ones who simply must look inside my place through the main window when I am not there, the ones who steal my mail because they think they entitled to know everything about everyone in their village. It’s the old Swiss retired men who are still in shape to walk around the mountain every day. They’re the ones who criticize their neighbors for breathing the wrong way and then talk to them like they were their best friends. They’re also the ones who do a little sport and keep fit so they think that even at 65 years old, a woman should bow, smile and talk to them because that’s the way things have been for centuries. I have seen other women at the gym, they look back at them with this utmost discreet smile that says ” you are a man and therefore I owe you” (I owe you many thanks for appreciating me as a woman and not hurting me because we all know you can). So these men go about their day feeling powerful like they should (!!). The fact that I don’t want to look at them or be around them drives them nuts and they will bug me even more. Luckily today there were 2 younger guys. I took refuge near them. When the younger guy looks good and is bigger than average ( that’s still not very big…), the older man lays low. I try to be close enough to the younger dudes so that the older f***s think that either I know him or he sees that the young guy doesn’t mind me being close which means he might like me, in which case the older guy could make him jealous or upset by bugging me. For me, it’s really just a matter of finding a comfort zone where I can work out and feel ok. Sometimes the younger men probably think I like them or I try to flirt with them because in this ” we don’t know how to communicate” society, people flirt with eye contact and getting close without saying anything. Forget the discussions and funny comments of the men in civilized countries. Actually I miss that SO much. I love how in the US men will say something funny to a woman on the bus, at the gym or on the street, to flirt or maybe just to be humanly nice! Anyway here I try to survive, so if I have to seem like I am interested in some younger men and look silly, I don’t care. I’ll take silly over being harassed be these scum bags. Not that all young dudes are better people in this country. I hate these old f**** who have hated my big dog the most, so much. So I was calm this morning and coming back up the mountain, this prick driver who refused to pass because I had slowed down to let him pass….How much is a girl supposed to take in a day ?! Seriously, I hate this place. When I was little, my mother used to say I was shy because I didn’t want to talk to people, not even say hello. I don’t think I was shy. I felt that ugly vibe that I won’t ever like. I am not a shy person. I went to the US at 12 years old and I discovered after several months that there was a place in the world where people were normal. There was a large variety of specimen, all kinds of different people, but they were normal to me. In Switzerhell, I am or act shy, asocial, savage and fearful. I am fearful because I know what these people are capable of and what they get away with. But now, I realize that I had been lucky to live in the US. I first went with my mother, then I went alone but I had money to go to school and live. I later managed to go back and get small jobs ( a job in exchange for food and shelter for example). I tried different things but I wasn’t moving up in the world… So the best thing was to come back and work, earning a decent salary. The quality of life though is more important than one thinks. Living here and now being even poorer than ever, and having my 2 beautiful dogs getting old and sick, I am becoming dark inside. I always had hope that I would either win millions or meet the man of my life ( an American) or win the green card lottery. I was always picturing going back to the US, always. Today for the first time I am feeling like this is it. I have to enjoy my dogs, give them the best life I can until they go and then I’ll probably be able to publish this book for the world to know about this filthy place.

The things that have hurt me the most were the pain afflicted to my dogs, and then to dogs in general in this country. It reminds me when I left my 2 dogs at the shelter for 5 days when I went to NYC, my dogs had a huge bowl for water where Shiva couldn’t reach the water! On top of the fact that they slammed a metal door on my Shiva’s claws. That was a dog shelter that pretend to help dogs!!!!! I am outraged at this stupid country that has money all over the place. Shelters don’t ever keep too many dogs, they kill many or sell them to labs! But you would think that because they don’t keep many, the dogs that are there have some kind of comfort! jack! Nothing! This is a country of f***s who don’t deserve to live on this planet! Along with all the rich mafia thugs of the world who live here!!!

The law of attraction can’t work when you’re living in scum and where every time you try to make yourself feel better to attract more of that, people jump to step on you because they don’t like when they see you happy and they don’t know why. I could say there are many demons everywhere, but these demons are humans, supposedly the smartest specie on the planet. Yes and the most vicious, I know I wasn’t born yesterday even if I was born in Switzerhell. Maybe having lived in the US was really the worst thing for me, for who I am. It showed me that there is a world with a society where I can fit in and feel good in. Had I not known it existed, because you don’t know these things until you live in a place for a certain amount of time, I might have learned to deal with this filthy country and maybe would have gotten married , and had children, lots of psychological problems like all people here, but I would have belonged and my life could have been more peaceful… The US where I learned to be me, has taught me how to feel. I don’t think Swiss people have real feelings. Their feelings are all a big mess of trash mixed with learning to smile when others are and looking happy when others have told them to. These people are not happy because they don’t feel. Does that comfort me in the sense that I have learned to feel and not them? No. Having tasted great things , I will always feel the pain of not having it again in my life. One could say: go to the US, work illegally like thousands, clean floors, or change diapers of other people’s babies. Try to get a better job by f****** the boss. Sure there are options. I know many European women who have put up with crap in the US, just to be able to stay long term in the end. When I was babysitting for rich people when I was younger, I could taste their lifestyles and always thought that I could and would get that, without having to suffer to get to it. I don’t know why I had such confidence, because it hasn’t happened. My visualisation power is so strong that I have seen myself rich millions of times, probably once a day of my whole life. But that’s all it was: visualisation. Be careful what you wish for. I have heard that many times. I have never gotten what I wished for. I wanted to be a movie star when I first came to the US at 17. I took acting lessons, and I even had people, actor friends believe in me, and that would help me visualize me as a rich actress. Acting, to me was a great way to get rich, it was something I liked to do. In dance there was no way to get rich, but actors were getting rich. So many people in the US used to tell me : remember me when you’re famous! That would reinforce my belief. However every time I would come back to Switzerhell for the holidays, people would tell me: stop dreaming, that ‘s just a dream! Even my mother was always telling me to stop dreaming!

Now I don’t want to be an actress anymore but I do want to be rich. I want to live well to erase those years of hell in Switzerland, and I want to give money to animal shelters or create my own. Obviously I don’t say that to anyone here in Switzerhell. I don’t even talk to people on a personal level, because they already destroy me on an everyday life level that I would rather talk to my dogs, to myself about things I really want and feel, than those filthy rats. I have lots of pictures of Lord Shiva and some of Ganesha where I live ( wherever I move to). They are beautiful gods, pictures full of colors, hope, spirituality and paradise. Gods who have animals by their side. What other gods could I have pictures of?

March 14th

Saturday and I should enjoy life since I am not working , I can spend a lot of time with my dogs and have time to work out and pig out when I come home. Life is good. Not really because my dog is not well. And home is a big word. If that’s my home, it’s sad, but I always keep this silly hope that things will get better. I am getting tired of me hoping to win millions! I have this pathetic life. Yes I have time to spend with my dogs, but in a tiny space, a tiny chalet, like always, with no means to get my dogs little friends, with no money to do anything. I am not bored, I am never bored but I am not productive. I spend a lot of time watching movies and series and eating, to make me feel better. Once I am stuffed with food and chocolate, I dive into these American movies and then I feel better. Is being on drugs worse? Not that I want to take drugs, because chocolate and tee is enough of a boost for me. I am dreaming of a different life. I can feel it with my deeper guts. It’s stupid, but it is. My Shadow is sick and I can’t concentrate on that, I have to keep dreaming. I have to keep my mind busy.

I was at the gym this morning. I took a class to do some cardio which I never do these days. I got red as a tomato because my blood circulation is bad since I don’t do much cardio anymore. The class was a latino aerobics type thing. The moves were so silly. The teacher looked ridiculous and so did all of the women in there. I was doing what the teacher was doing, just trying to get a cardiovascular work out. I was thinking how far the ridicule can go. I mean if all of the women were having fun and throwing themselves around like nuts, it would have been funny ridiculous, and that’s always good for the soul, but this was interesting for me to see and feel. It was pathetic ridiculous. I was having some fun moving around, but these other women didn’t look like they were having the least fun. They were trying to do it because they probably wanted to loose weight, even if they were all pretty thin, according to me. But women can be silly like that. I don’t much care if they insist on feeling bad, having to work out when they don’t feel like it, because of what men want them to look like! Anyway so I went to the locker’s room, and took a shower. There is however one thing I can’t stand with these women: when someone is naked, drying herself, being in an intimate position, and an other woman comes in , she has to say hello as if the naked community would have to acknowledge each other! Taking showers all together ( the showers have no separations) already makes me think of jail or old time camps. I know we used to have showers all open like that in school when I was little, but I guess as a child I was used to it, but now I can’t stand it. And since I have no water at home, I have to take showers… The thing that bugs me the most is the mentality of these poor souls, where they need to be acknowledged. They say hello because they think it’s polite and also because their lives are so empty that other’s acknowledgement is so comforting for them. In the US and Canada, it’s actually a sign of politeness to mind one’s own business, here they have never heard of the concept.

I don’t know if my dog feels worse when I am not well or when I get upset , but it seems like it a bit. It could be a coincidence. Shadow had his first attack on feb19th. We were in that ugly village of disgusting people close to the hotel school. He woke me up in the middle of the night, and usually it’s because he wants to go outside even if he does it very rarely, but I wasn’t too tired when I woke up so I took him out. He didn’t pee, which I thought was strange, and on the way back up the hill, he collapsed. My heart collapsed too. I carried him onto his legs and told him in a low voice but all the conviction in the world to please walk to the studio. I couldn’t carry him. I wanted to be inside. I didn’t want him to be unwell in the middle of the sidewalk. Whoever would have seen him and me if we had stayed there for a while, would have been too happy to see him sick . These people would have been too happy to see him die there, or die period. Just that thought of people being happy to see my baby dead makes me more than furious. And I know they would because people have told me many comments about how these breeds should all die, be exterminated, etc. How would you feel if people would be happy to see your child dead? how would you feel , tell me! And please, don’t come with that “a dog is not a child” crap. I have noticed a dog has four legs and children have 2, thank you. And as for the love that you feel for your animal, who says that you’re only allowed to love a certain amount? What is it, on a scale from 1 to 10? Are we allowed to love our children with a 10? Yes, that sounds good. And our animals, are we only allowed to love them with a 6 or a 7 or an 8 or with a 5 because animal life doesn’t have the right to be cherished? What books say that? The Bible? Religious books? The law books? Humans’ very smart and elaborate brains? Love your own kind only, right!? Well I say BULL!!!S! BULLL!!!BULLL!!!! I know it’s the whole planet who values human life thousands of times more than animals! Even if, again the US, is the only country I know which has animal rights. You can go to jail for torturing animals. In Switzerhell, animals don’t have rights. In 2009, people are allowed to eat dogs and cats and make coats out of cat fur, which they do all over the place!! It’s not hidden. The Swiss with pets don’t even do the research to know that. There are still people who put ads up in the neighborhood when their cat disappears!!! They have no idea. I used to ask around if people would ever find their missing cat. Never! People hope. It’s human. But these Swiss idiots don’t even do their homework to find out how many animals are eaten in their own small country! There was a picture of a butcher cutting up a dog in the paper a few months ago. Were there any protests in any towns? Nothing. I am so disgusted by the Swiss, in every way and for everything they are, think, and do or don’t do! I am appalled at this rich country’s scum-ness of a soul. I don’t even know how to put it, I am so grossed out.

So on Feb 19th, I helped my dog in. I straddled him and carried his belly, his middle. He of course had to make an effort which he did because I was so motivated and he felt it. We got to the studio and his heart was beating 500 miles per hour, he was unwell but couldn’t tell why. He smelled like rotten eggs when he burped, which he ha d before. He was not well at all, I was going to call everywhere to see if there was an emergency vet, but I laid down beside him on the floor and he started feeling better. His heart started beating slower a bit. I stayed with him for a half hour or an hour, and we went back to sleep. The next day we went to the woman vet I knew . First she said he looked pale and really not good. She took an x-ray but couldn’t see anything, but gas. The vet had brought her daughter that day. The 7year old was waiting in the waiting room when I got there. Shadow always loved children, especially girls because they were sweet and gentle. He was looking at her. She wasn’t scared at all, didn’t even make a comment about the breed and the kid talked a lot. She was telling me a lot of information about her family, but who cared, her presence was good for my dog. The mother, the vet, was a nice lady but she did make a comment or two about the breed and Shadow growled a few times when she touched him in places he didn’t like. The vet sent me to do an ultrasound scan to a place I didn’t like because many times they won’t let the owner be with the dog . But with Shadow, for some reason (they were scared of the dog) they agreed for me to be there and help carry him and hold him. The bitch basically told me to put him to sleep. I said are you nuts? and left. They saw nothing supposedly. Shadow was fine. He had had an attack! He was not fine. They didn’t want to tell me he had been poisoned.

Well now that he is sick, he is extra sensitive. He doesn’t feel well at all in the car anymore when we are stopped because he can feel the hatred from people looking at him. And poor dog had felt that for all those years!!!! I thought he was fine. Now I can see it because he is sick. Both my dogs always loved to come with me in the car. Maybe Shiva taught Shadow to like it because we were going somewhere with me, but Shadow had to endure the looks, the hatred!!! I could kill for that! I would like Switzerhell to disappear for that. Pouf! In an instant, everything gone! Flat land, no souls. I can be upset by people messing with my life for being a single woman, a different woman, one they can’t figure out and it bugs them and they try to look for s***. I can hate but not to the point that I hate these people for giving that hatred vibe and hateful looks to my dog for all those years, and now he is dying!!!!! I know in the US and other countries, all the breeds that look like Pitbulls are not the favorite breeds, but how many people actually have the time to hate and give dirty looks to those dogs on the streets?? I was in NYC. I got many scared looks, and trust me I can tell the difference between fear and hate! But depending on where I lived in NYC because within the year and a half that we were there, I lived in Gramercy, East Village, Harlem and the Bronx. Well in Gramercy I got a lot of scared looks and people changing sidewalks and I got offended because the pattern reminded me of Switzerhell. The people in the building where I lived wanted me to leave, but didn’t try to make me feel it. Someone even told me someone came in my apartment when I was gone to saw part of his teeth off. I had no proof of that. His teeth were almost gone but I thought it was from playing with a tennis ball every single day. But Shadow didn’t suffer the kind of hateful vibes that he got in Switzerhell. In the East village, they loved him, overall. People would stop and ask about the breed and ask to pet him. People would throw comments at us, but positive ones, like : “Waow beautiful dog! ” or “great dog”. In Harlem I would get: ” waow that’s a big dog!”, but they meant nothing bad by it. People were more upset to see my white face than the white dog. It was in Harlem that one guy once told me: ” Those dogs are the best dogs in the world”. He was walking by so I didn’t get to ask him what he meant by it, because all dogs are great for various things. I don’t want to talk about the particular breed of my dog because I don’t want the breed to be popular.

Shadow likes the chalet. Without him, Shiva and I would have never moved there. It was basically for Shadow. Shiva enjoyed the fenced yard to hang out, but he’d rather walk in a city where there are lots of friendly dogs to meet. Shadow likes to bark at people walking by since I decided to let him, he can rest without feeling people’s bad vibes right next to him or during our walks. Shadow loves to hang out in the grass or in the snow. I can tell he is sensitive to what I am feeling these days. Today I got back from the gym, upset again because of how idiots were driving, putting me in danger while driving 4 inches away from my car, in the rear. Shadow felt that and he started not being so great. He didn’t want to go for a walk. He was breathing hard and his heart beat was fast. But then I calmed down, sat with him, and he felt a bit better.

Shadow never ran after an animal in that mountain. He never hunted nor killed a fox, deer, mountain goat or boar, like many Swiss said he would. Those animals, we used to see them on our morning walks almost every day. Since I have had Shadow, I have done these 2or 3 hour morning walks every single day. I have not let myself get sick with fever for all his life. That is 8 years. Living in small studios, he had to have his walks. There was no way I would have missed one day of morning walk. I did not let myself get sick nor injured. I did hurt my toe once and I went on my bicycle to walk him. I was carrying Shiva. In Central Park NYC too once I hurt the same toe. I always played ball with Shadow, and instead of throwing the ball I like kicking the ball. In Central Park, there was snow and I didn’t see there was a rock and I kicked the rock thinking it was the ball, really hard… broken toe, or something like it, I didn’t see a doctor. I remember I was baby-sitting these 2 kids, 5 and 10 year olds. The mother lent me one of the kids bikes, a small one. I biked all around Harlem with my dogs. People didn’t like that, because they thought I wouldn’t have control of my big dog…Oh well. Someone told me it was the evil eye in Harlem who broke my toe:” People don’t like you being in Harlem”. It felt better for me that they hated me more than my dogs!

I wish the hatred that the Swiss have thrown at my dog would have gotten back to them. He is dying because of the poisoning. I wish he would get better and we would have the money to get on that jet… far away… and he would get better. I would like my dogs to see me really happy and then I would like to see them really happy with little friends to play with, in a country where hatred for dogs is not a national anthem!!

March 15th

I was driving back up to my dead end rpad where I park my car in front of my cabin ( well it’s not right in front, it’s down the small hill). On the snowy road that leads up there, there are always idiot hikers who walk in the middle of the road. They know cars drive through there. When I used to go on long walks with my dogs, I used to always walk on the side of the road and when I would hear a car, I would push all of us to the side even more because not only that I know that most of these people want Shadow dead and that they could care less about killing a small dog, but I also don’t trust their driving, in general. Anyway so I was driving up, and in the curve I needed momentum in the slippery snow to go up so I didn’t slow down. A woman was in the middle and she was surprised, didn’t hear the car because she is deaf ( not really) or she was talking to her husband. And she sees me driving and not stopping, and she starts screaming at me. I of course couldn’t stop otherwise I wouldn’t have made the last bit , and it’s always very funny ( you didn’t see me laughing) how these women will yell and scream at people when their husbands are right next to them, and when they’re alone, they’re trying to say hello for people to be friendly to them. Well then she curses me out for not responding. These older people are so sure that a woman like me could never hurt them, when I am alone and they are not. They have no sense of reality. I would really like to let loose one day, maybe on my last day in the country!

When I first lived in my cabin/ chalet in the mountain, I used to love the night walks, with no one around. Now that my dog has been poisoned, I don’t go far with the dogs not only because both my old dogs don’t really want to go far, but also because I can’t enjoy the walks anymore. I am tense, looking out for people that would take advantage of my weak dog to hurt me or them. Not knowing who poisoned my dog, or who put poison in the garden, I suspect everyone, and already before I was trying to avoid people on walks. Now I want to kill them. So I am on edge, tense and aware of every noise. I love being in nature with no one around, and sometimes during the week, I am totally alone, or it seems that way. But I still can’t enjoy it anymore. When we walk back through our gate, I can sometimes sit and watch the stars, but before I used to enjoy walking in the forest and on the paths, either in the winter, in the snow or in the summer. I am feeling choked in this country more and more. I am turning claustrophobic in this country. I can’t stand having my dog dying. I can’t stand being in this filthy country! Help!

　

March 16th

I so feel like I am walking on a thin rope like an acrobat who doesn’t have a lot of balance but is fighting hard to stay on that rope. One foot after another. One day after another. Swiss people push me and bug me and the fact that I don’t know who poisoned my dog ( he is still alive but unwell) makes me want to hurt all of the ones who mess with me even with little stuff, in case it was them. But I am focusing on my dog. So I am on that rope, I know I won’t be walking it forever. I’ll either fall right or left. On one side there is a jackpot winning and life outside of Europe ( there are so many countries out there that are decent places to live in), and on the other side there is the continuance of life in hell and one day: revenge. I am walking one that line where it’s not really fun, but trying to stay out of trouble and out of anybody’s way. I could stay on that line for a while, because there is still Shiva, my other dog who is healthy. I could fall over any time though. I can feel either side. I guess you could say that it’s not the best way to attract a winning if I don’t think about that, being the only way. But let’s get real. All the coaches are right, the Lotto is not something you can attract. Too many people want it. Well I am not convinced, and even if I also think of evil potentially satisfying deeds, I still pray the Lords and think I have a chance of winning. All I want right now is that money to get out of here! I think that Shadow would get better if I won because I would feel this wave of happiness and excitement that would help him get better. I so want to be away from this country forever, I could cry! And I do cry! Crying is not bad. It’s just tears, no big deal. My dogs are still alive even if one is looking horrible. But he still has the strength to walk to the little forest next to the chalet, he still eats and poops. Shiva had a sore leg. I think it’s arthritis. He is feeling ok so I won’t go to the vet again to get more pills… I can’t have 2 sick dogs.

It’s a sunny day in hell. I try to stay happy for my dogs so I eat a lot of chocolate. I have a very high rate of cholesterol, and I shouldn’t eat too much fat, but I do. I eat everything I want, so my moral is good so my dogs see my a little bit happy!

March 18th

It’s cute to live in a chalet with no running water, but after a while, I must say I get that “obsessive need to wash my hands with soap” kind of thing. I can use soap and boiled water, but I dream of that luxury of ” faucet water that flows when you turn the knob”. People take that for granted. I have lived here on and off for about a year and a half, and I can deal with the no water thing most of the time. And now there is snow, there is water out side to rub my hands in, but the fun of washing hands many many times a day… Truth is I don’t care , it’s not vital not to have water in my life when my Shadow is dying and Shiva has arthritis, and limps off the front right leg. I am dealing with everything for now. I am hanging in there.

March 21rst

I am not winning because I spend all my will power trying to avoid the worst , living in this scum country. I keep hoping and wishing every single day that my dogs are going to be ok, not be killed by these idiots, hoping that those punks will stay away from us, because of 2 things: because of the fact that they try to mess with us and could hurt me or my dogs, and because of the fact that I could kill or injure one of them really badly if they pushed me. That scares me because if I loose it in front of more than one person, the cops will get my ass! I am so angry and so sad at the same time, I am boiling inside. So, I live on a thread which I try not to fall from because they ‘re all trying to push me in this f****** country. So I fight, I must give all my energy to make thins ok for us, for me and the dogs. Shadow is still alive, Shiva and me are not doing too bad. with all the negative vibes against us, things could go mush worse. I am making everything ok. I am so focused on at least keeping the way things are the way they are and not worse, that I don’t have any will power left for bigger and better things. So where do I go from here? How do I get more energy, will power? Where do I dig for more ? Where do I draw from? Where do I find that kind of magnetic power? I am using all I have, so I have to find more. I can’t give up any of the one I need to keep what I have. I must find another way to create more of it or to find a way to produce more. I am getting older, but I realize that it’s not exactly the same as physical energy.

March 22nd

I have been living in this cabin without having another apartment to go wash my stuff at, especially the dishes. I use a lot of plastic stuff, but I do have a big bowl for salads and pans to cook with. Well washing with paper towel and water is ok for a while. As long as I am not getting stomach aches I guess I won’t worry. Laundry I go to the only public laundry mat in the hookers’ neighborhood in Geneva ( seriously). It’s great… When I need someone to help me for change because the change machine is broken, none of these bitches wanna help an outsider, especially a Swiss woman. But 2 seconds later if a man, or a foreigner asks for change, all of a sudden they all have it! Most of these prostitutes are foreigners, and I understand that they don’t like Swiss. The Swiss ones are richer and no one sees them at the laundry mat. I don’t know how it is in other countries but in Switzerhell, all prostitutes are registered. They appear on a whore’s pamphlet at the police station. The cops have total control over all of them, except the ones with filthy rich pimps. If and when cops want one, it’s free bees! The ladies have to pay taxes too! In the country where rich monsters come to put their money to pay zero tax! Prostitution is not a cause I fight for or against, and I am not against women who do that job on their own will but ladies, please don’t hate on women who choose never to do the job, and don’t hate on women of the country you go to sell yourself to and spread disease in , even if I do blame the guys who hire prostitutes a lot more.

I don’t have sex much in this country. I just saw clinical statistics that say that 15 out of a hundred people have herpes in Switzerhell. Those are the statistics, so considering not everyone goes to the doctor when they have an itch, that’s probably about 20 to 25 % of the population that has herpes. Very scary. I don’t feel very sexual in Switzerhell ( and the men don’t make me wanna), thank god, and therefore haven’t had many partners here. Sometimes I see a cute guy, but then I hear him talk and I am turned off immediately. Their non-humorous dull non-interesting conversations does nothing for me, except scare me away.

March 23rd

I need to meet a man who likes and cares for dogs more and better than me. There is this guy who asked me if the reason I didn’t like him was that he wasn’t into dogs. I don’t even have to think about the whole concept. A few men I have come across in my life have asked me : what if I fell in love with a guy who didn’t like dogs? I am not sure I even understand the question other than how could I fall in love with a guy who doesn’t like dogs? Sure if I was really dumb, so desperate to find someone, and the next cute Joe who likes me a lot, I could fall in love with. But truly, my problem is I tend to like guys who are into dogs or like my last boyfriend, who my dogs like. The fact that a man wouldn’t like dogs at all, turns me off like there is no tomorrow. I could imagine a guy like The Rock ( Dwayne Johnson) who I think is very attractive, smart, has a career, and imagining him liking me and then telling me he doesn’t like dogs… It still wouldn’t work for me. Anyway enough about men because I think people dwell on love too much. Don’t get me wrong I do believe in love and when it’s real love, then it’s awesome, powerful and productive for humanity. But people think they’re in love and fall to pieces when the person they’re in love with doesn’t love them anymore. People have hang-ups about the love they didn’t get when they were little, or their human egos are so fat that they can’t stand it when their love is gone. I truly have never gotten hurt over a man. I have been silly and sad, but I can quickly get over myself. Of course I could say that and next month I could meet a greater love and then be so into him that I couldn’t bear seeing him with another woman. I guess. But I have always felt that love mustn’t be a fight. We have to fight enough in this world, against other people, drugs, illnesses, difficult situations, etc. that love should be great or nothing. I love my own company, and my dogs’. I don’t know if I love myself, but I love who I am and the choices I make, even if I make mistakes a lot of times. Even if I am at a point in my life where I carry a lot of frustration for not being out of this country and for not being where I should be at this point. But still, I think love has to be within first, and then hopefully will lead us to people who are good for us.

I have been reading the Secret again because instead of saying it doesn’t work, I am thinking maybe I didn’t get it, understand it. I have got Swiss blood after all, I am slow, very slow sometimes… So I am reading again , and there are only the words of Mr Robert Collier who died in 1950, that make sense to me. The few paragraphs that appear in the Secret, are the very few lines that speak to me right now.

Truth is right now I am in denial. Since Feb 19th, my dog’s first attack and then not feeling well at all. The vet I trust the most has said it was poisoning. Shadow had been doing a tad better with vitamin K which acts against the rat poisoning. He is in pain. On and off. I have to see him suffer, knowing these people not only poisoned him, because he didn’t have a loving life in this trash-ass country. I have been in denial. I have been keeping busy and positive for him. I can’t start thinking about the fact that someone poisoned him. When I do I get very ugly and want to kill people, everyone since I don’t know who it was. So I stay in denial. I treat him like a baby, lets him come and go as he pleases. At least I am unemployed and we can stay at the cabin with a yard so I can let him out whenever he wants to. He likes to be outside a lot because the snow eases the pain of his heavy stomach. Some days I say he’ll get better. And then some other days I can’t help but crying. To see him in so much pain after having lived through so much hatred and dirty looks from these f***ing Swiss people ( and the swear words are not enough to describe them), breaks my heart. I see my dogs as my children. I don’t see them as weapons, guard dogs or just “animals”. Shadow naturally started to guard the cabin because in apartments he was never allowed to bark, even when all kinds of people would come through, like electricians, postman, people coming to see the apartment, since every time I had an apartment, I had to leave before the end of the contract, so I was the one who had to find a person to take over the lease. So a lot of people have come through our places. But the cabin, I decided to let him bark, not because I wanted to guard, but because I thought he should get the right to bark as much as he wanted, because this was going to be his place. We might live in different places but we’d always have this to come back to, or come to on week-ends. Now we’re there full time and it’s better than a stupid apartment with idiots all around. When we left that last apartment, I feel like he got better already. He likes being here the best. But now seeing him in such pain.. Even if I am able to put my mind on other things, part of the day. I go to the gym ,go to unemployment meetings, go food shopping and I come back. I don’t leave them for more than 3 or 4 hours, which is how it should be when they’re getting old. So as long as I am here, watching that Shadow is ok, I take my mind off the situation and write, watch tv, make fires in the stove, read a bit, listen to music, shovel the snow, go on small walks with Shiva and Shadow when Shadow feels up to it and take care of them the best I can. I try not to write about the situation too much because I want to focus on other things, to stay positive. I anyway get upset when I see people walking by , not knowing if it’s them or not, who poisoned him, or when I take the car. Shiva is limping a bit, I guess it’s arthritis like the vet said, and he is not breathing well. It’s like he’s got this cold for along time. He snore at night. A bit like me I also have a cold all the time when I am in Switzerhell. I start freaking when I think that Shiva could die soon, like Shadow. If they leave me both at the same time, I will be unwell…

March 25th

I love how in the US, one has to prove to be good at something to be truly respected, liked, and how in Switzerhell, one has to prove to be average or below to be respected and liked… When you take a class of any sort, people will talk to you until they see that you are better, that you have some talent that they don’t have. Then they’ll stop talking to you and hate your talented butt. I have checked that rule in many sectors and it is always true in Switzerhell. In the US, I also have checked the opposite rule. If you’re nice and funny, people might talk to you anyway, but if you have talent, especially in something people are interested in, then they will love you. That’s how humanity should be!

On a very serious note, I had the worst night last night. I gave Shadow a bone yesterday evening. He likes to chew on pigs ears and has for the last month or so. I though getting him a real bone would be fun. I saw he was bleeding as he was chewing. He often did a little bit in the past, but then it would stop. Last night it kept bleeding. Of course since he has blood coagulation problems, I should have known, but all I could worry about was that he is bleeding internally already. And he couldn’t bleed more, or he would die bleeding to death. I tried to put snow on the gum that was bleeding but it wouldn’t stop! I was freaking out. I thought maybe it would stop eventually since my dog didn’t seem worried or in pain because of it. I called the emergency vet line and the lady told me not to put snow on it , but put pressure with paper towel. So I did, it still didn’t work. So I started sleeping because after I take my cholesterol medicine, I get really sleepy. At 1am, Shiva woke me up. He was walking around with his little claws on the wood. He wanted to wake me up. I then saw quite a lot of blood around Shadow’s mouth on his cover. I started freaking again. I decided to start putting so much pressure on the gum that there was no way it would keep bleeding. So I did. I took paper towel and I pressed on the gum, so hard that my hands were getting numb, but Shadow wasn’t complaining so I decided to keep pressing until I collapsed. I stayed there putting pressure on the bleeding point for a half hour to 45 minutes. Then I was dead tired. I left the paper towel on the gum, in his mouth because he was half asleep and it would be better than taking it out since it was slightly glued to the gum, with all the pressure… I slept a bit and woke up around 6am and saw no blood! I was excited! It had worked! So then, he was hungry. I gave him some of his dry food. Oh no, when he ate he started bleeding again! I tried to put pressure but as he was well awake he didn’t want my paper towel and my hand in his mouth for that long so I had a hard time putting pressure on that bleeding point. At 10:30 am I went to the vet. Before that I had been able to put enough pressure to stop the bleeding so that I wasn’t going there with a bleeding mouth on my big dog… He looks scary enough with his cropped ears, and blood on his fur would have looked scary to people. The vet made me feel better though. He said I did good, and putting hard strong pressure was the best way. Other than that, he said it was not a big deal, Shadow just hurt his gum. I was just wrecked the first night when I saw blood coming out and coming out, knowing that he is sick already, and I couldn’t bear having him die because he chew on a bone that I gave him! I cried and I cried. Well, today he is ok, not bleeding, but I am more and more careful and treating him like a little baby!

March 26th

I live in a dead end where the city worker idiots are supposed to shove the snow on the roads everywhere in the village including the road that goes near my chalet, but they don’t until once in the afternoon, because they know it’s just me who parks here on week days. During week-ends or holidays, they know that the people who own the 3 chalets next to mine, are going to be there, so they do the roads in the morning for them. A woman alone, who nevertheless has to drive to work, or to other places ( they’re not supposed to know that I am unemployed, and even if they do try to find out what every does all the time, they should still do their job, and run their snow machines through every village road, like they’re supposed to). The other day, there was a whole lot of snow, and when they came with their snow machines, they pushed all the snow onto my car. They obviously did it on purpose. I had to shovel the snow out myself. Sure it gave me a work out, but I was upset and went to the “commune” ( town-hall) to ask them if that was a joke. They told me that I should be happy that they shove the snow on that small road where most people only come on week-ends. That was a woman telling me this. I told her that I was happy but usually they didn’t shove all the snow of the road onto my car like that morning. She said that the workers do what they can.

March 27th

This morning, I open my shutters and see step marks in the snow all around my fence. Usually I’ll see a line of step marks, of someone who passed by, near my place, to look while he ( it’s most likely a “he” who mess with me in that sense), and to show me that he can. But this morning, it was exaggerated! A ton of the same foot steps was all around. I guess I should be happy that he didn’t jump the fence! It must have happened late last night or during the night, since I closed the shutters around 9pm.

March 31st

Sometimes I think by being older, almost 40, I would get a tiny bit more respect in this country. People wouldn’t try to ALWAYS mess with my life, screw me with everything, including financially. But today again, I was on the phone with the female owner ( she is married for her to feel that confident, her husband is also the owner) of the rental agency of my last studio apartment in the ugly village, who are trying not to give me my deposit back. I rented a trashy studio, I mean trashy by the kind of people living in the building but also by the age of the building and the precariousness of it, the dirtiness and the stuff that needed to be fixed when I moved in. There is a hotel school in that ugly town, and most apartments are very expensive and usually clean. I entered that studio and it wasn’t cleaned, it needed plugs for electricity, the bathroom and kitchen tiles were cracked, some broken, and the place was awfully dirty, according to any country’s standard. The agency asked me if it was ok. I asked if there were joking. They then asked the woman who was leaving the apartment if she could clean and fix the things that had to be fixed. That was because I yelled and screamed, otherwise nothing would have been done. I didn’t know how they let that woman leave the apartment in this state. Now I do: it’s because that agency likes to keep the security deposits. Had I been a man, do you think they would have dared giving that studio in the state it was? Not unless it was a poor foreign male. I told them that if they fixed one or two important things, I would move in and clean myself, but that I was not going to leave it cleaner than this when I leave. So I lived in that crap hole for 4 months, found another person to take over the studio when I left, as it is required by Swiss law if you want to leave an apartment earlier than the end date on the contract. I left the place super clean. It was another lady from the agency who came to check when I left, and to her, it was just ok. I told her that I moved in an awfully dirty apartment and she didn’t believe me, or was told to act as if she didn’t believe me. The scams that these Swiss people try to pull on relatively poor people, it’s amazing. That agency advertises luxury apartments in the area. I can assure you that the kind of people who rent those apartments are not treated like I was. I guess all around the world, poor people are treated poorly, but remember the reputation that Switzerland claims to have! So anyway, two months later, I am still waiting for my deposit of 1635 francs. It is a lot of money for me, being unemployed and getting only 2100 per month from unemployment. Living on that kind of money in Switzerhell is not easy. Anyway, on the phone today, when I called the agency, not only do they try to keep my deposit, but they are asking me for another 300 francs for heat, when heat was supposedly included in my rent, according to my contract. They know I can’t afford a lawyer like they have. She was talking like I could get upset about my deposit all I wanted, she didn’t care. She said I was going to pay her the 300 for heat as well. It brought me into a rage that had I not been 65 kilometers away, I would have gone and strangled the whore, or her husband for that matter. I really strongly feel like executing these people. I am at the point where I can’t take any crap from these Swiss morons anymore, I am at the end of the rope. I truly want them dead. I now understand when a bum on the street kills another person for a dollar, like I know happened a couple of times. When you have nothing and people keep messing with you, again and again, and again! I know one is supposed to be “above that” or better than that or strong enough to keep fighting the right way, be smart about things, bla bla bla. Well I didn’t go and kill her but the desire and the urge was there and I understand people who kill for what other stable and rich people think of “nothing”. I am very frustrated to be stuck in this country. I do want to stay because of my dogs and their old age, and if I leave again it will be for good. I don’t want to have to come back, ever.

April 2nd 2009

I have a theme song : 50 Cent’s: “I” . It goes a little bit like this: ” I, don’t know what you take me for, I, really don’t play that s***”. These Swiss people keep f***ing with me every day for small or bigger things, and think I can’t do anything to them because I am a woman, alone, or so they think. Truth is even alone, I could f*** them up like in the movies they watch and think that it only happens in other countries because they have no clue about what goes on in their country. They think Switzerland is f***en sacred and safe! Idiot morons! Truth is they look for s***all the time, when they drive they want to prove how fast they are and get in front of a woman driver or if the woman makes a mistake while driving they do something to her or call the cops, at the supermarket, at the movie’s, or anywhere people have to stand in line for something, they try to go past a woman when she stands in line, and then if something happens, they scream: “why so much violence?” It’s this constant evrery day hell of people, men mostly but women too, who try to run over you in some way, or on the other hand punish you for a small mistake you do. It’s really heavy to stand these people. I never dealt nor did drugs ( I never even smoked a joint when I hung around people that did), I never killed anyone, stole any money. I guess I am Swiss because the way I want to make these people pay for all the crap they do, to me and other women! I am full of rage and hatred now just like them. I haven’t so far, done a thing to them, and the frustration that I am suffering from is eating me inside. I think I am stuck in this vicious circle: they hate me, I hate them more. They feel I try to stay away from them and it makes them want to bug me even more, which makes me hate them more… My dog is very ill and I need to break through but my sadness about his state right now doesn’t allow me to do anything good, other than be there for him. I am so stuck in a hell place. I am giving my boys all the love I have in me when we are inside, together, like the family that we are.

April 6th

April 5th at 3 AM, my dog Shadow died. I can’t even start to describe what I am feeling. I cried all day yesterday and today it’s on and off. I feel empty. I know I still have Shiva but I feel something that I never thought I’d feel. Shadow was sick, he had been for a month, and the vet has said that he would die soon. I was preparing myself, but now I know that such a thing doesn’t exist. You can’t prepare yourself for the death of a loved one. I lost my father when I was 8, the age at which Shadow died. I didn’t really understand what was happening to me back then. I cried a lot when I saw his dead body in the coffin, but the pain was unconscious mostly. I didn’t know what was really happening to me. I suffered a lack of a father, my father that I had known. Nowadays I couldn’t tell you about his personality much. I don’t know if it was because we didn’t interact that much, or because being Swiss, people don’t really communicate on a real or deep level that relationships are so dull. I don’t know if I blocked all the memories, to protect myself. I did suffer from my father’s death, I probably still do, and will do forever, but my Shadow was my second son, Shiva being my first. Those 2 dogs are also the first beings that I have really developed love for. I feel like my heart is broken for the first time. No man has ever broken my heart. Men have hurt my little feelings but no broken heart. Now I feel that. I thought I was prepared for his death and I was sure I would take it badly but since I know that he had lived 8 good years, I was ok with him passing, since he was in pain and not living like before. For a month he was not walking much, eating less, breathing hard a lot of the times and not looking in great shape. But I had moments where I would still hope that he could get better. But it hit me like a rock. On Saturday afternoon, he didn’t want to go outside for the walk. I thought ok he’s not feeling well, it happened before. I went alone with Shiva just like usual, when I felt Shadow needed to rest. Then at night he still didn’t want to go outside at all. He had drunk and eaten a bit and hadn’t gone out since 10 am, so I was trying to push him a bit. I shouldn’t have. I yelled a little trying to make him get up, late at night. I managed to get him outside. He stood there, didn’t want to pee, or anything. I didn’t get why he wouldn’t at least pee. But he looked the same, not more in pain than usual, so I was just upset that he wouldn’t pee at least, much less poop. So I went to sleep. At 1 AM, he woke me up with his growling breathing like he was in pain. I saw poop on the floor. I got upset because I have a thing with urine and crap inside. I have always gotten very upset when my dogs did that inside as puppies. I helped him walk and carried him outside. He lied down. Instead of sitting with him, hugging him, I put him near the door, thinking he was going to pee since he pooped already, and I could clean it up easily. But I really thought it was another painful moment and that he would get better the next day, just like the other times when he had pain. I sat there by his face on the carpet with the door open. I watched him get worse. I gave him one more cortisone pill. He looked at me like I shouldn’t be shoving anything down his throat!! He was still drinking water though so I thought he was ok, he could still get better. F***ing people had made a comment that evening when I took Shadow outside, and one of them said: ” There is not one dog but two over here!” In a nasty tone, and the woman said, even with a nastier tone: ” oh and one of THOSE dogs!” It hurt me and I am sure Shadow felt me and the hatred from that whore, which couldn’t help his painful state. He still had to listen to these dam Swiss s***heads insulting him on his last night!!!! So I was sitting by my Shadow’s head, on the floor, and he was suffering. He didn’t want me to pet him really. The pain got worse, and then at 3AM, he went away. His whole body let go. I was whispering to him to fight, but he all of a sudden let go….. I couldn’t believe it. I felt his heart and yes he was gone, gone forever. I started really crying. I wanted to scream to the heavens but I didn’t want these stupid people who were staying near by to know that the dog they called one of THOSE dogs had died. Having my Shadow gone when these f***ing haters are still living and breathing hurts. Plus I lost my son, my partner, my friend. I am devastated. I love that dog. I had loved him more and more year after year. I kept him dead inside until the next day. This morning I brought him for an autopsy. They told me they can’t do a toxicology test to see if he was poisoned unless I filed a complaint at the police! His body was cold and smelly. I wrapped him up.

I realize that my dogs were my home. We moved around. We have never really had a home, a nice place I knew I could stay in for a long time. Dogs like stability, but as long as I was there, spending enough time with them, I know they were ok. I never realized that they also were my home. Now I am trying to be strong for Shiva and cherish him. I am actually afraid I am going to cherish him too much. It is not healthy for the dog to focus on her or him all the time and not have a life. I am unemployed so it’s good that I can be there but spoiling him, while being in pain, is unhealthy. But for a bit I need to grieve. He is also not well. I wish that he would, like some animals realize that now he is number one and that he doesn’t have to share, to have him feel something positive. He can take his pack leader spot that he had when I only had him before Shadow was born. The thing is dogs enjoy company, and they get used to company. I miss Shadow so much. I feel like there is a big emptiness in our lives and I am sure Shiva feels that emptiness too.

I have been feeling Shadow’s soul. I don’t know if it’s my mind creating the feeling or if it’s true. I must say though I feel like it was my first time dealing with death of a loved one and I had to wonder, looking at his inert body lying there. I can understand that the body gets old and doesn’t function anymore, but where does his mind go? Does it extinguish with the body? Is it dead inside his skull? or does the mind stay, without the need for this old non-functioning body? It’s the first time I ask myself that question, really. I am really facing this question in more truth than ever. I always thought I never felt anything from my father, I never felt a message from him, and that if he had been around me, he would have given me a sign, but now with this being that I loved so much, I just wondered. His mind that was making him make choices, be happy , upset or bored, his mind that would decide to listen to me on time or not…His mind which would make his tail move every time I came back home. Is life so dull and ugly as to have the mind just vanish with the physical body? The mind is really something we can’t touch so it’s possible that it vanishes when it doesn’t have a body to work in. But I still feel his presence sometimes. My stupid mind even thinks he went away, so me and Shiva could be free to take the plane easier, and not have to take crap from people as much. With Shadow , had I won the Euromillions, I would have taken a private jet, because first of all with that kind of money, I could afford it and also, with him getting old, I would have never put him back in cargo. Here I am thinking about winning again! I have played all my dogs’ lives. I should have won when Shadow was young, so that I could have bought them a real home with land and other dogs to play with, gotten them a mommy ( me ) that was really happy, in the country of her choice, with better people around. But I didn’t win. I have wished and hoped for it all Shadow’s life and now he is dead!!! I didn’t get to give him all I was picturing for us! I know the game and the statistics… Not a good way to make money. The thing was I always valued the present and knew that I had to spend as much time with my dogs as possible, so I rarely worked full time, didn’t want to take on a great job where I’d have to work too many hours and be away from them. I anyway would have needed several years working full time to make enough money to buy a small house in the US or another country… Unless you’re a millionaire, life is tough. Money buys almost everything. It doesn’t bring life back. But had I been able to give Shadow a year or two at least of the life I had pictured for us, I would have been more at peace. He suffered most of his life ( except the one year in NYC) from people’s nasty energy and comments towards him. Dogs feel everything.

Shadow was my strength. He gave me strength. I don’t even know how to describe it. It was a mixture of how big he was, how protective he was ( he didn’t show it too much luckily), how hard headed he was sometimes, how sweet he could be at the same time, how present he was, how beautiful he was, and how he showed me that I was and would always be his one and only leader. He gave me strength and I didn’t even know it. Yes our life was tough, outside with the people’s crap and the fact that we lived in small places because not enough money, but at the end of the day, when I closed the door and we were together, the three of us, we were happy! “The three of us” worked for me, and I think for them too, even if they had prefered having a female dog to play with. Shadow liked cats. He would have wanted a cat. When we briefly lived with someone who had a cat, he would give the cat a lot of attention, and was nice to the cat, would back off when the cat would hiss. But for me, my two very different dogs worked for me. I was happy in our world. Whatever battles I had to go through outside, I was happy to come back inside, to my boys. We even had real quality time on our morning walks together. I would carry Shiva half of the way. Then Shiva and Shadow would walk side by side in the forest, country side. It was organic. We had to avoid people to have our organic, peaceful time, but depending on where we were, it was ok. I was happy. That was also the reason why as much as I wanted to kill people, I never did it. Now that I only have Shiva, I know that we can get on a plane any minute, if we need to run away. Well yes with very little money, that might be the only problem. Someone once told me that I was not supposed to win the lotto because I would use it to do evil. Well I always thought that was wrong because I would use it to go live happily in North America, or somewhere else, outside Europe! But now that it’s Shiva and me, people better not f*** with us! I would so love to win this Friday. But why would I win now? now that I am in pain? Why? I have a silly thought: maybe Shadow’s soul is around me and maybe he has more power as a soul than as a dog, and he could help me win, help me and Shiva win…??? I know , silly, but it still comes to my mind here and there. If reincarnation exists, and I am not convinced since I have no proof or strong belief about it, then souls can be people or animals, which means that Shadow could have been human, or could have a soul that could become human. I could have a child one day… I sometimes thought that Shadow was a reincarnation of my grand-mother Madeleine, but how much of it do I really believe? not much. I don’t know. My grand-mother Madeleine was the only member of my family that I thought I resembled, that could have had the same blood as me. I don’t know. I sometimes thought Shiva was a reincarnation of my father. But the two couldn’t have been because Shadow was not mothering Shiva at all ( and if Shadow was the reincarnation of my grand-mother and Shiva of my father, then Shadow should have felt like Shiav’s mother..). He did do his job protecting him though, just like I asked him to. Shiva wasn’t attacked during the 8 years that Shadow was with us. Shiva was attacked by Swiss dogs 5 times before. Now that I have become a pitbull myself, it won’t happen again. Actually dogs are better at protecting each other than a human is at protecting a dog, they feel before it happens that the other dog is going to attack. Shadow would often growl at some dogs who would get near Shiva, and sometimes not. He knew when it was needed and when it was ok. He was a great dog. He was my perfect soldier but I also had learn to listen to and understand him. In comparison to Swiss dogs he was super obedient! I miss him a lot for everything he was and for his presence in my life. I have to say: Thank you Shadow for having been with me for 8 years! Presence of loved ones ( whether human or animal) is the most important thing in life ( it is love ). I always thought that. Whether it’s another human being, a husband or wife, a parent, friend or animal, you have got to choose the right one. Shadow was the right one, and Shiva is the right one. I don’t rush into relationships with men because it’s tough for me to find the right one. My dogs that I have chosen have been the presence I needed. Now I am just lacking one of them. It’s tougher than I thought it would be. I know dogs don’t live long. That’s why time is more precious for them, and why I didn’t want to work full time and have only nights with them. They have 8 to 15 years to live. My Shadow died early because of the nastiness of the Swiss. A day is more valuable for them than for humans. Well humans can die early too. So life should be cherished. Tell that to the stupid pessimistic Swiss, or Europeans even!

I am still mourning. I am afraid hatred will rush back as soon as I am done. I have to be strong for Shiva, because he deserves a life full of great things. We have been through so much together. Right now I have to see him as eternal.

Shadow was also my strength because I never got sick in 8 years. Since I got Shiva I didn’t get sick much but before Shadow there were a few times I had the flue or a bad cold. With Shadow, I once had to be rushed to the hospital for half a day. I was teaching French at a big bank in Geneva. The school I was working for was sending me to different companies to teach French and English. I was teaching these 2 Chinese people in an office at the bank. I got my period that morning and I didn’t have any pain killers. Sometimes I have tolerable pain and sometimes the pain is crucial. So I was in pain and as I was teaching the pain was getting worse and worse. I asked the woman ( my students were a Chinese guy and a woman), and asked her ( in English because their French wasn’t good enough for important conversations) if she had any pain killers. She said no and I started fainting a bit. They both sat me down on a couch in the hall and got me some water. They were so nice, didn’t call for help right away, knowing that these Swiss people didn’t help much. Then I looked really white and they were so worried. I called my French boyfriend at the time who I knew wasn’t working and asked him to come to drive me to the hospital. He did. People from the bank saw me walk around and they were more worried about what people would say or think if they saw me than helping me or seeing that I was all right, especially when I said it was probably pain from my period. Men here think women are babies and make a big deal out of nothing. And they don’t care! I really started walking like I was really ill so they got me wheel chair because they thought that would look better. As the matter of fact, my boyfriend asked to take the chair to the car, he had parked 2 streets down, and they said no way. They wanted us out and lending their chair was too much to ask for! So I went to the hospital and all I could think about was my dogs and the fact that they soon would need to go outside and pee. The hospital got me better, gave me strong pain killers and asked why I wasn’t on the pill. In Europe doctors say the pill is good for everything. I read in North America, that women have been thinking the pill was good for their health for years but in reality, it’s not. And I never felt good when I was on the pill. And I don’t see why women have to take drugs that could hurt their health when men could take it too. Even if women are the ones to carry the child, I think men always assuming the women should take the pill because it’s “their” job, is another sexist thing. Anyway, I got back to the dogs at the end of the afternoon and I was fine. Other than that, I have kept myself away from any disease, colds and flue because there was no way I was living in a studio and not giving my Shadow his 2 hour walk in the morning and his 2 other walks during the day. Of course Shiva was there too. It was a bit much for Shiva sometimes, even with carrying him a bit in the morning. Shiva was an athlete, with Shadow and me who were just staying in shape. His little legs were going and going. He was great. When Shadow got sick, Shiva was fine with the tiny walks. Now that Shadow’s gone I am going to try to make the walks a bit longer. Right now I feel like I have to keep writing and writing so I don’t cry again. Since I was with my dogs a lot, there were a big part of my life, Shiva still is. Shadow not being there, I miss him every hour since I would interact with him a lot when I was here unemployed, writing, watching TV, reading or doing something else. I was always checking on him if he was outside, or petting him a bit if he was inside. I miss him and I feel like his presence is filling up the space. I give Shiva plenty of attention now and I think Shadow would want me to do that, even if when he was there, Shiva was not his favorite buddy all the time. Shiva was into him more than he was into Shiva. Shadow was grateful to have the presence of Shiva though, I know. He liked Shiva licking his eyes or his ears.

April 7th

Today I feel like I got a vibe from Shadow telling me to write. I don’t really have much to write because I feel sad, like life is not cool. I miss my big boy. I always thought that Shiva and me had a deep spiritual connection. He is my first boy and my first love and I didn’t really train him so I don’t always understand him and vice versa I guess, but even though, I feel a deep connection with that little dog. I knew Shadow and me understood each other because I trained him for many things so there was more of a “human” connection between us. He had a strong personality and so do I, and we did come into disagreement here and there. He was maybe too strong of a soul that I felt I had to take control all the time. I think he scared people even more because not only was he a big dog, scary looking ( according to people) with his cropped ears, but he had a presence, a strong one. Sometimes little dogs have these big souls or I don’t know how to describe it. They are little but they have big presence. Shadow should have lived in a castle with many dogs and horses ( he was great with horses and cows), I think he had the soul of a king and I didn’t realize it. You live every day life and try to make it work and you rarely take the time to look at things how they are. I was dreaming of a better life all the time. I was also trying to find jobs where I could either work less or have the dogs near by. I always felt better when the dogs were fine. I hated leaving them alone in places I didn’t really like, like some studios I rented or even here in the cabin. Every time I left them, I felt a pinch. Somehow when I take them in the car, I know I’ll be back sooner and I feel a tad better. Like now there is no way I am leaving Shiva in the cabin by himself. I am taking him in the car. Plus he is little so he can move around the car better than Shadow could. My dogs were always happy when I asked them to come with me, in the car. They didn’t care where we were going, just going with me. Shadow wouldn’t have minded a big house and land to hang around though. He loved to hang outside, just looking around. I didn’t give him the best life but my friends always told me that I was giving them too much attention, that I should live a little. When I was in NYC, I was working for a family on East 72nd in Manhattan and living in Harlem. When I would come home from work, I would run from the bus to the apartment to see my dogs. People were probably thinking I was afraid of something. Well in NYC, people don’t let you know what they feel on the street unless it’s positive. Unlike in Switzerhell where they will never give you a compliment on the street , make a joke or say something positive. They are really discreet and private about all the positive stuff(…). All that comes out of their mouth is negative comments and insults, to women preferably. I got so many compliments about me and my dogs in NYC. Don’t get me wrong, some people also showed their fear for Shadow in NYC, but very few times did they show hatred. I unfortunately was so worked up form Switzerhell ( where people who fear automatically hate) that I didn’t take the fear expressions very well and that’s too bad because it ruined a bit of the great time that we had in NYC. Time with my dogs was and still is time well spent, for me. I was happy with them. In Switzerhell that’s another thing that makes people mess with me even more. They feel you happy, they need to mess with you. They hate when you have more than them, especially when you’re a woman alone. How can you be happier than them? It cramps their style! So they mess with you with a lot of little things. I can’t even write about all the little stuff they do because it hurts to think about all their little stupidities. Like I said I am still alive, they have never succeeded killing me. They just do stuff they won’t get caught for, to mess with my life. And I know that being happy, alone with my dogs, bugged them that they had to f*** around even more! And now they took my dog’s life. To them it is a small thing, it was just a dog. They don’t realize what they did to me. And the fact that I don’t know who it was makes it worse because I think it’s all of them. Now that I am devastated, I haven’t even seen a person walk by or a car park near the chalet, to come and stare or sit in the grass near by to look what I am doing. Nothing. They have obviously seen that Shadow is gone… Not only must they rejoice over the fact that a dog of a breed they hate is dead, but also my pain and sadness is enough for them to feel satisfied that our happy trio is broken and my heart is broken. I don’t know that they know how sad I am really but they know I am not happy, and they can feel it. How can I not hate these people?

I had created my little world with these 2 dogs of very different breeds who were not even playing together since Shiva was not fixed and Shadow was. And as a puppy I had forbid Shadow to play with Shiva as he thought it was a stuffed toy in the beginning. Later Shiva started his humping business on Shadow. I knew that Shadow never said anything when I was there to please me but when they were alone, I don’t think Shadow let Shiva do it. In NYC, people would take pictures of Shiva humping Shadow. Obviously it was funny, so Shadow also liked that attention. He knew when Shiva would hump, people would stop and smile or laugh. In Switzerhell they would only give a nasty look and mumble something to themselves that I could sometimes understand and sometimes not. To them whatever is not normal is not normal! Whatever is weird is bad, never funny. What a disgusting society really, I can’t tell you how painful it is to live here. All I had was my happy little world when the doors were closed or in the forest far away from all pedestrian paths. Now all that is history. At least I was with him when he died. I didn’t want to come back to a dead dog one day. Even if when he was dying and in deep pain he didn’t look at me anymore, he wanted to look away from me. I don’t know if it was because he was mad at me or if it was because he was in too much pain that he turned into himself. Nothing is perfect, or it rarely is. And I can’t help but realize that nothing is like I expected. In the will power, creative force methods, they tell you to expect, to visualize, and things will come true exactly like you wanted them. For me it somehow never works. Why? When I lived in the US, a few things I remember happened the exact way I wanted them to. Has Switzerhell messed me up so bad that I can’t even find my own will power ? I know I carry a lot of hatred for these people because they showed and expressed a lot of hatred towards me and my Shadow. Now that he is gone, I feel that same hatred but with less fear. When Shadow was there I was always careful not to hurt anyone, to be taken away from my dogs and put in jail. But now I know that I could get on a plane the next hour. With very little money but still get on a plane… Well right now I am still so sad that I am more focused on my sadness than anything, and trying to take good care of Shiva. But still, I was at the gym yesterday, and seeing these old men walking by me 3 cm away just to show me they can and that I should greet them and smile like a normal Swiss woman. Feeling like the only one I’d like to se that close to me is my Shadow, I felt like puking on these men! I didn’t even want to take the time to kill them, I just wanted to be away from them so I worked out fast, and left quickly.

I miss my Shadow and seeing his pictures make me feel good and create a lot of pain at the same time. It’s a weird mixed feeling. I tell you, this is the first time I feel I am loosing a loved one. My father’s death was mass confusion but it wasn’t like this. I keep trying to reason and think that dogs don’t live that long. He lived 8 good years, with only 5 days away from me, when I left them at the shelter when I had to go to NYC for 5 days. Other than that, I didn’t spend a night without them. Well, or a day, when I was working night shift…I was always coming home to my dogs. I still am. Shiva is very important to me. I won’t take him for granted even if without trying, we always take our loved ones for granted here and there.

Life is ridiculous. We live and die. There is joy and there has to be sadness coming right after, or a bit later…Why? Purpose of life? Is it an experiment of the gods? Are the gods sitting on a far away planet and looking in on earth every 20 years to see how things are evolving? We get attached to other beings and then we loose them. Getting attached is love. Love may be the most beautiful thing on this planet, so why does it always end? Reincarnation would be the way to make some sense. Does anyone have proof that reincarnation exists? Does one truly remember something from their past life to prove it exists? The few that I have heard having dreams or visions about their past lives were nut heads. I don’t know maybe I am not connected to the right people, but then why don’t more people have ideas, visions, memories about their past lives? It’s a nice theory and its makes a lot of sense to me, but the emptiness I am feeling right now from the death of one of my 2 loved ones is feeling like life is ridiculous. I am supposed to move on to live this stupid life trapped in Switzerhell, when what I would like to do is open dog and cat shelters, or at least one big one, to be doing something productive and dear to my heart. But I don’t have the means to do that, so what is this life? We can’t have what we want so we are supposed to go for second, third, fourth best? Or the closest thing? I didn’t even know I could love a dog that much. Or my pessimistic Swiss side would ask: Is it my mental self that misses the dog or it is just me being pathetic about not being able to handle change that is not desired? I don’t know. Either way, I feel this emptiness, and I am missing my dog. I guess I could say I am heart broken and nobody cares. Well I care. I happen to be the center of my world and I like truth which doesn’t exist much on earth, I like loved ones, who apparently die one day. Life is cruel but we are supposed to live it, want to live it otherwise we die because will power works really well in the negative. Whenever we get pessimistic, don’t put love and passion in something, it dies. Lots of people let themselves die and at the last minute, they change their minds because they’re afraid of death. It’s the survival instinct of all species. The gods put that in us so we wouldn’t realize how pathetic and ridiculous life really is on earth and destroy the planet.

Gods also gave us all those dangerous pleasures to distract us and make us want to stay. Pleasures like sex, food, drugs, etc. I can’t figure out the truth. So many people on earth think they know but they all have different theories, so why should I learn from them, and which ones? Pick and choose! No thanks. Wondering will remain my first theory. “Control your feelings and thoughts and create your life!” Are you joking? Does that really work for someone? Or do they make-believe that what happens is what they wanted to create? I once heard: “Create your life or take the boring road that life will create for you”. That sounds good! Well how do I create? The how is never explained really well in those books. Think positive, want, make a wish and believe in it, etc, etc. Oh but wait, you can’t have any contradictory thoughts coming to mind! Ya, thinking that, I already have contradictory thoughts. So I must be stupid. I don’t understand the power that is mine… Well make me understand! No all they can say is believe, have faith. If that’s really how it works, it must be that some people are able to believe and some aren’t, because I know SO many people who thought they believed in their dreams and they never came true! So what, is it a sign of stupidity or are you going to say that “you just have to believe!” There is no technique that teaches one to believe. Now someone must come up with that, instead of writing millions of books that keep saying we have to believe, to get what we want! I am at a loss for truth and it hurts.

April 8th

Today I am trying to deal. I first went for one of the long 2 hour walks that we used to do with Shadow. I carried Shiva in the backpack for most of the way. He walked for a half hour, which was good for him since he hadn’t done that in a while. Walking there, I could picture my big boy walking, having a hard time in the snow, just like me. We were a good team, him and me. After the walk, I went to the gym. I was working out minding my own business as usual, and today not an old f*** but a not so young female, in her hot tights and her best shape ever was walking around me for me to notice her. Usually everyone stares at her I presume and she loves it, so why didn’t I stare? It bugs people like her in Switzerhell when I don’t do things like them. She is thin and muscular and knows that around her, in the little town, most women want to be her or just like her. I am so not into that and don’t care about hot females unless they’re funny ( none in Switzerhell…). But now , I am not really in the best mental status, with still all my hatred towards the Swiss which is increasing even more now that my boy is gone. Seeing these idiots live their meaningless lives forever while my precious gentle soul with a gorgeous shape ( my dog WAS a gorgeous boy) has passed. Plus the fact that they can only rejoice at the sight of one of THOSE dogs being dead. It makes me furious. I am still very sad so my anger is still sleeping really, but please, don’t anyone mess with me these days! So she was wriggling her thing all around the gym, talking to all the men and wondering why I wasn’t looking at her like everybody else. She was staring at me every time she walked by me so that I would look. She was seriously starting to bug me. There is so much s*** with these Swiss people, I can’t let it get to me, but it does. It does only because I am stuck here. I am poor and have no money to leave the country. And it gets to me. I try not to get upset so I avoid people, I get away, I go somewhere else. I am so not antisocial when I am in the US. I am a different person here. I am a different person now that my dog is gone. I don’t know about the future. I know I am going to take care of my Shiva. I am giving myself a week and then I’ll look for a little dog, just for Shiva.

Then I went to the supermarket. as I get my vegetables, this employee pushes me and my basket. Do you think he would apologize? No, they never do. You’re the client, spending the money and you’re the one who has to say hello first in all businesses. You have to say excuse me if you bump into an employee and vice versa because they sure won’t. They will not make any effort. It has been like that for generations and that’s why people still go to the same places even if they’re treated badly as customers.

Just to show you how abnormal these Swiss people are: I watched the Swiss news last night. The 7.30 Pm prime time Swiss news program talked about the earthquake in Italy and they said, I quote: “People were crying as they saw their dog coming out of their crumbled house. This shows you how psychologically unstable and disturbed the Italians are right now”. I frankly couldn’t even believe I was hearing that. People crying at the sight of their dog coming out of their destroyed home? Is that not something to cry about? Cry of joy and sadness at the same time, but is it me who is crazy here, or is it not a beautiful thing to see your dog is ok and is able to come out of the mass of debris that once was your house, which is also something to cry about! Crying out of joy and sadness is not a sign of mentally disturbed state! The Swiss who are themselves mentally disturbed talk about people loving their dogs as “psychologically unstable”. I couldn’t believe my ears. I am appalled at the sight of that Swiss news guy.

April 9th

I was under attack by these Swiss people every day, for trying to live… as a single maybe unconventional woman with a dog of a small un-intimidating breed and then, with another dog of a hated breed. I had to face their cruel acts because I didn’t live the way the Swiss wanted me to live. Yet I managed to keep us safe and happy to be together. Now I feel under attack by life itself. My big beautiful dog was taken away. He was in pain, we managed. The vitamin K was supposed to make him better for a long while maybe a year even. Show me beauty and take it away. Get used to life right! I somehow must be from another planet because I can’t get used to non-eternal when it’s really precious. “Oh you’re just upset over the death of your dog, you’ll get over it!” Isn’t that what all these earth worms are saying? “Rationalize! You still have a beautiful small dog, enjoy!” Everybody thinks like that, not just the idiot Swiss. Why do we have this human mentality, within which there are many cultures with more or less logical thinking, that tells us how to think according to this reality we are in? Is this reality real anyway?

Against the Swiss, I know there are other smarter cultures out there and I know where they are. So aside from wanting to get revenge on the Swiss, I will one day leave the country. But feeling under attack from life, I feel helpless and all I can do is surrender. Animals and humans die all the time, but my brain wonders and wanders… I am unwell and my body is drained of tears. My nerves are tired. Ok, so I move on because time keeps going and going and I can’t stop it to ask a question. I am making a big deal out of nothing. There again who gets to say what is a big deal? Psychologists will straighten your mind. No thanks. Brainwashing from here, brainwashing from there, I want to keep my 2% free thinking. Trust me very few people get more percentage!

The New World seem to have been a happier world until the Europeans came to take over. The native Americans, according to well known historians, were good peaceful people. The Europeans killed so many of them for several reasons, one being that these people were happy and loving without many rules and regulations. Happiness is a threat to idiots , and when the idiots have weapons, the idiots win. It sort of reminds me of the Swiss of today. They need to use their weapons against the weak , who are somewhat happy, in the country. They don’t go against the ones who are done, desperate already, handicapped or ill. It just bugs them when they see happy without weapons, so they go after it. I guess children do that. So it must be a primitive behavior out of which one is supposed to grow… An American, fan of the Swiss once told me: ” all the Swiss’ idiot behavior are really childish”. Well yes and that is supposed to be a good excuse for a society that bullies ? They don’t know better, they haven’t evolved. Let’s cut them some slack! When you’re a grown victim of their crap, cutting slack is not the thing I tend to want to do. Is it also because they’re childish and primitive that the world tolerates the earth’s dirty money to be stashed in Swiss banks? And yes, changes have been made these last days to change all that…Bull! They did the least of all least, not to be on that black or grey list of the world’s tax havens, but they even say it themselves on the news that nothing has really changed! morons! I don’t really care who rules the world because people like me will never know who is running what, and we all know that money is power, period. But let the world start looking at this country with some reality before they take their children on vacation or worse, send them to Switzerland to school, and trust that all will be dandy! Switzerland is a lie, a big one. All the positive stuff you hear is false, every little bit. Some say that the food is more natural, that there isn’t so much extra dangerous stuff in the food. Well maybe 40 years ago I would have agreed because the Swiss were so scared of all the new food products that were developing in other countries, they were the last ones to import it. Now they import and they do the same inside the country. It just took a little longer for a large variety of foods to be found in the supermarkets. When I was growing up, there was one kind of milk, one kind of butter, one kind of cereal, one kind of rice, etc. And the Swiss didn’t know what to put in the food to make it last longer, so yes it was better. Nowadays, imports are from all over the world and health regulations and not better than any other rich country, in which making money is a golden rule.

April 10th

I am really not dealing with my dog gone very well. Here and there I think I am feeling better, and then I plunge again. And then I think… What is better? Getting better and forgetting, or feeling the pain? Forgetting is what we do when we get better. The correct way to say it is: we move on we don’t forget. BS! We forget. We get used to the lack of an individual. We remember with a smile instead of tears. And that is great because crying all your life over someone we lost can’t be healthy. And what we need to survive is to be healthy! What a great planet! I am sorry, I feel that crying and longing for a loved one for years should be healthy. It should be like eating salad. The pain is really organic so why do we have to shove it to the side in order to stay healthy? It is really survival of the fittest! Don’t care too much, be strong, move on! We must be an experiment by some other planet’s intelligence, that is the only rational way I can explain this life. I don’t want to stop crying because that ‘s the only thing I feel is real. Why should I accept the things that come at me? because I can’t do anything about it. So what? Why are we so nicely tamed? I feel wilder than that. Not only these stupid Swiss are putting too many restrictions on how to do things in life, but these people are a vermine breed of humans, the ones who should have never have been born, but life has too many restrictions as well. There has to be other life on other planets, more intelligent, more powerful, more free. I bet they put a few cells on earth to experiment evolution, behavior as these human beings who think they are the most powerful things around. ” Our unconscious is full of greatness”…Right! Some people are more talented than others in some field, yes. Of course we can’t be all alike. Their experiment wouldn’t be fun.

I am so close to my dogs because I have lived mostly in Switzerhell and here most humans ae not worthy of company, of conversation. Ever since I have had my dogs, I have always wanted to rush to them after I did what I had to do, because their company is more valuable and more real than any of those idiots’. I must say though, when I was in NYC, I remember doing some activities where I would briefly forget about my dogs. Basically I enjoyed some people’s company and had some fun. I remember going out at night to clubs and truly having fun. The only place I would go out at night in Europe was in Paris. I remember not having fun, and going out just to see other things and people, like you watch a movie to change your train of thoughts. I was clearly born on the wrong continent. I failed to stay on the right one when I was there. I made a lot of mistakes in my life, like most people, and have done the right thing here and there as well. Last time I came back to Europe was for Shadow mostly. Having no money, life in NYC would have been worse and worse. In Switzerhell, I gave him long walks in the forest just the three of us. These last two years he had the garden around the chalet. This chalet-cabin thing where we lived, made a whole lot of sense for Shadow. He loved hanging around outside, barking at people, lying in the sun. Of course he would have preferred more company, from other dogs and people he liked. But it was for him, his place. Now Shiva and me don’t know what we’re doing here , and we will leave as soon as I get a job. I’ll find a studio again. I’ll get Shiva a little girl friend. I guess overall my dogs got more of my attention in Switzerhell, in Europe than in the US and than they would have gotten if we had lived in the US the whole time. Wouldn’t they have preferred to see me happy yet doing more activities away from them? I don’t know really. Dogs don’t talk details like that. I wish I could communicate more sometimes but the specie hindrance is a bitch. Animal companions give me more space to be me. When I lived with humans, I always think that you become alike a little bit, or the opposite, you avoid being like the other at all costs, which is not really being you either. Anyway I enjoy dogs’ company. In New Jersey I rented a room in a house with 7 dogs for a while. With mine, we had 9 dogs. Their presence is soothing and exciting at the same time. My 2 dogs were, are my kids. Of coure I could have human kids. They demand more money though. I would get very angry not having enough money to take care of my child. I am angry because I am poor as it is. Dogs are easier and cheaper to take care of. Different specie, big deal. Truth is humans value more human kids because they are like them, they are copies of them, and also because they can do more important things when they grow up, like work and help (…) society. It’s an egocentric human behavior. Just like people mostly fall in love with mates who resemble them in some ways.

April 11th

I lost again at that Lotto game last night. Of course if I have to think properly to win the Lotto, to attract it with good faith and creative force, I am not really in great spirits because of my Shadow not being with us anymore. Yesterday I did make a big effort for Shiva. My godmother, who would never neither invite me nor come to see me when I had Shadow, all of a sudden invited me to lunch. She has a little dog just like Shiva. I wanted Shiva to see another dog, to spend some time with her. So I made the sacrifice. The hardest thing for me was not to see my godmother who is really a hypocrite just like all Swiss, but to know that she was seeing us out of pity. She knows I am very upset over Shadow’s death. She thinks I am stupid just because I don’t have a PHD in something and I don’t have a big career. She had one, and is retired now. The tough thing for me was to go sit on a terrace of a restaurant really close to Swiss morons. Europe, small spaces. People sit really close… I hate it. So we ate. The dogs didn’t really play. Then we walked along the lake where hundreds of idiot Swiss also walk. Hated it. But Shiva got to smell a few other dogs and that was worth it.

Today I am in the cabin, alone with Shiva, like it’s gona be from now on. There is this car parked on the road ( dead end) and the guy is not coming out. It’s really sunny. They are looking for s*** again. I feel like going there and stabbing him , but I ‘ll give him another hour in his car in the sun, in front of my chalet….

I went to look from another angle. He is not on the phone but looking in my direction, direction of my chalet. He let his dog out but he is staying in the car. These people have nothing to do in their lives I swear, and they are also lazy to walk their dogs. That s*** happens all the time. They look for shit because they can. Well now it may be worse, they might check if Shadow is still around since someone must have noticed: no barking! These Swiss older men have nothing going on in their lives, and they spend their lives, f***ing with people in slow ways where they know one can’t call the police or catch them. Also they’ll stay in a car, watching someone just to get the info they need. Why do they need info? Just to know! They are not observing to then rob the house, which to me would make more sense and be less pathetic! They want to know everything about everyone and they will spend their days to find out. They have nothing that they like in their lives. They spend their time doing this spying this for no reason. These people are so pathetic I can’t even find words to describe this vermine crap anymore! Mentally disturbed f***s who get away with all kinds of sh** because they are men. Swiss population is polluted, it’s filthy, rotten. It should be buried under ground. People like me should go through quarantine, to purify me of all Swiss filth.

April 12th

“Idiot” can’t even get close to the word that would describe these Swiss people. I am just thinking about a bunch of things that happened in the past.

They sent me the autopsy report through the mail. It basically doesn’t say much since they couldn’t do the toxicology test to find out if he was poisoned. I brought my dog’s body to these people so they could tell me something, and they cut him open to then, not tell me a thing, just because there is some law that protects people who poison dogs, that says that the owner of the dog has to file a complaint at the police station before. Knowing that they only have a few days after death to do the autopsy, one has to file a complaint before the dog dies. Like when he was sick I wanted to spend the time at the police station telling these assholes who would have been smiling at the fact that a dog of THOSE breeds had been poisoned. Plus I had hope. I had hope that despite their trial to poison my dog, he would get better, and we would go back to our happy life, the three of us. I didn’t believe he was going to die. So now I let these people cut my dog open for them to know with what poison he was killed, and for me to wonder. Aside from the fact that this country doesn’t like dogs, I am getting close to thinking it’s a conspiracy against the 13 breeds they hate, to kill them. Actually I don’t believe the Swiss have it in them to plan a conspiracy, but the fact that most people hate certain breeds, and didn’t see the number of them coming in the country, makes most people agree that these dogs must be exterminated. Cops kill them, shelters kill them, and people poison them. My question is why don’t they prohibit the breeds in the whole country instead of certain states ( cantons). If they did their jobs at customs, they could stop the incoming dogs from other countries. The thing is they don’t do their jobs at customs because they are lazy. There are a few border entries which are always empty. Switzerhell is not in the European Union so they should do their job at customs anyway! I would rather certain breeds being forbidden in the whole country than seeing certain breeds being hated, sometimes killed, just for their looks. Switzerhell doesn’t treat dogs great in general, but there are people who like their dogs, and their dogs are not only small breeds. The St-Bernard and the Bernese are two Swiss breeds which are loved by some, and the 2 dogs are not all friendly, just like dogs in general, it depends on many factors. I will despise Switzerhell for the rest of my days for having hated my son that much.

This afternoon, I was driving through Geneva and I saw, again, a pitbull without a muzzle and without a leash walking by his drug addict owner. It’s the neighborhood of the drug addicts (even if the whole city is becoming the neighborhood of the drug addicts) and the cops were driving by. But cops are either afraid to go up to this guy with his dog unleashed, or they don’t want to bother the poor man… The cops don’t arrest the dealers on the street because they say there is no space in jail for them. This city and this whole country are beneath contempt!

April 13th

Death is too good for these Swiss people. They need to either suffer for the rest of their days or disintegrate with their souls if they have any, for not letting me and my dogs live and for not leaving many other women and women with certain dogs, in peace. The Swiss should pay for what they have done to us and to lots of other women or foreigners with or without dogs of THOSE breeds. Whoever has a criminal record in Geneva canton is not allowed to have a dog of THOSE breeds. The law itself is not so ridiculous to a lot of people, but when the cops twist the laws to their advantage, as always in Switzerhell ( when they even twist the law instead of creating their own ), then corruption takes another meaning. People should worry about the well-being of the dogs, not about the right or not the right for people to have certain dogs. The Swiss could care less about the well-being of the dogs.

I can’t get over my dog being gone. My thoughts have been lost, up down all around, not knowing where to go. I have regained some sanity, but hate my present life except for Shiva. He is my light, right now. I am trying to train my brain to win to get out of here which I know would be the only thing that would really make me feel better. I am not trying to believe, think or feel. I am going for scientific results. I wish there was a God. I have not believed in the one everyone talks about in a long time. I believed in Lord Shiva a couple of months ago, but believing in him, I thought he was one of many in my mind, or some kind of angel. I thought Lord Shiva had protected my dogs all those years. I started with Shiva, to pray Lord Shiva to protect him every time I would leave him at home. Then when Shadow was there, I also prayed Lord Shiva to protect my boys. And with all the assholes around everywhere we lived, I thought Lord Shiva was helping to keep them safe, because things could have been worse in many places. I can sac we were lucky sometimes. Unfortunately now that my Shadow died at eight years old, I have a hard time believing that Lord Shiva is around. Now I have been feeling so bad for a week. I am weak. I cry a lot and therefore have no energy left to do much. I am planning on winning this coming week-end though. I do wish there was a God. When we feel really weak and lost, isn’t that when we start believing? I want to believe. I don’t. I think that obviously if there was a God, he would have made me win last year, 2 years ago or more, so that I could have given my Shadow some happy times, a few very happy years. There is so much animal suffering on this planet. If there was a God, this wouldn’t be. I don’t want the catholic God that talks about sacrifice, suffering to get something. I was born catholic. I was taught that God was this person that wants everyone’s happiness. Yet I always saw so much pain in the world. It was all very confusing to me. Be a victim, let the others win and maybe one day God will give you something! I don’t like the image of the God that most people ( Christians, Jews, Muslims and Buddhists) believe in. Most people of the planet believe in that God. I am not saying they are wrong, I am just saying that that image, that concept doesn’t work for me. The Hindu gods are romantic. The plurality is attractive, but just when I thought I believed… And if god is punishing because I didn’t pray, punishing for any reason, it is not God. Humans punish each other, and themselves enough. We punish animals, sometimes to make them understand something, but more of the time because it is our stupid psychology. If god punishes, I don’t believe it’s God. If there was a God, she or he should be good, wait a minute great, awesome. Life wouldn’t be the way it is. There wouldn’t be such scumbags like all the Swiss and several others around the world. I maintain, there are smarter beings on other planets that made earth their experiment. I still wish there was a God, it’s a beautiful thought. A great God would tell me : Look outside! And Shadow would be there waiting in front of the fence, without a limp nor big pain like he had the last month of his life. He would be there, and God would also say: go and play Lotto. I would and would win the millions. The three of us would get on a jet and I would have my dream, the dream that I have visualized so many times and that felt really good… Really because I could see how we have to feel some pain to really enjoy the good things in life, to be able to compare the good and the bad. If we had all good feelings all the time, we might not appreciate them as much. Actually that concept which makes sense to me now, might be something that was fed to our brains, but might be false like other millions of concepts that we are taught. Maybe if we knew how to enjoy the good times, we wouldn’t need the pain to be able to appreciate the bliss.

There could be a way to create our life the way we really want it. It is a nice thought. But who gets their dreams? 2% of the population? Maybe not even. Is it because they can’t use their brain power? I don’t know. I don’t know much these days. I know science, I know what I see, I know life, and it’s not pretty. I have one pretty thing with me now and that’s Shiva, and yes I am cherishing him!

April 14th

I was at the gym today, a bit early in the day and that’s when all the old people work out. I am sorry, they don’t work out, they show up at the gym and they move around a bit. I stretch in between sets and that is totally unusual for these primitive Swiss ( I can’t help but mention that I am on the what they call “Riviera”, which is really the South of France, but they call that the part along the Leman Lake from Lausanne to Geneva). In this area it’s where the biggest number of international people work and live, and you would think that the Swiss who live there would be less primitive than people who live in the deep country side. I have nothing against “country”. I love country living, music, nature, etc. But in Switzerhell, country is where people think they’re from the city and know everything and they also think they are superior to all other countries in the world. So they laugh at me when I work out in a different way, when I stretch in between sets. That’s one thing but what gets to me more is when they laugh when I fall. I had fallen a few years back, and again today. Some tweebs left a metal barre in the middle of the floor and I was trying to avoid another machine, carrying a mat, and I slipped, fell on my back. The owner of the health club and one middle aged man laughed. I got up and I felt my knee a bit but I was ok. Again would anyone ask if I am ok? No. The one and only sense of humour in Switzerhell is to laugh at others when they hurt themselves. They also laugh when they mess with your life with little things and you don’t know who it is. That is their sense of humour. They, trust me don’t have any other sense of humour whatsoever.

I then walked out of the health club ( we could hardly call that a health club the way people work out), and I couldn’t find my card. The owner said it should have been on the table if I had left it there. When he is not there at the reception, we have to leave cards on the counter. I did , I am sure I did. The owner blamed me, he insisted that I lost it or that I didn’t put it there. I couldn’t believe the asshole. Whatever I try to do in this country becomes a burden. I only want to work out. I can’t do that in this country. Dealing with these people for the smallest everyday stuff is hell. They act like women are stupid when really it’s them who are dumb, they couldn’t survive anywhere in the world other than in their little circle of friends, their village where they grew up in Switzerhell. I have met people from all over the world. Even if I don’t know everything about all cultures because I have often met these people either on vacation in Europe or living in the US, I can say that people from outside Switzerhell have a human side to them that brings something to the quality of the relationship that one can have with another. People from European countries ( other than Switzerland) are fun sometimes and frankly I can’t say that they’re all bad even if they live in countries where evil and bad habits tend to survive. You may not be a fan of the French but there is probably somewhere a ( one or more) French guy or woman who you’ll like. I feel like that about European countries. Switzerhell on the other hand is the utmost disgusting representation of the human race. I have actually never ever met a Swiss that I can say, is decent after having found out more about the person. I am talking about knowing the person, not talking once on the airplane or at the bakery! Whether there is still some Swiss in me which makes me trash like them, I don’t know. I have obviously dealt with psychological issues from being Swiss all my life. I am still getting rid of the remains of anything Swiss gene. I don’t know that I’ll be able to, totally ever. Maybe I am part trash, and my friends outside Switzerhell ( I have no friends in Switzerhell just people I talk to and do activities with sometimes) might tell you so, I am not sure. If you see them, ask them! I am 38 years old and feel like I am at the end of my work of getting every Swiss cell away from my body and soul. I am saying that because I am understanding a lot of things about me and people in this country now, and I see that I am starting to free myself. My dogs helped a lot. Basically living in Switzerhell everyone tries to bring you down, unless you play victim and kiss their feet all day long. My dogs are the only ones who have ever brought me up, higher towards a better me. Don’t get me wrong, while living in the US, I met great people all over the place. I have gotten the compliments and the positive prep talks for my whole positive part of life. I remember talking to people once about something and their words were so positive and constructive that I still remember them and they are still doing some good to me , just remembering the phrase or the comment. I unfortunately don’t have any ” my mother used to say ” that help me in life, but it’s not her fault. She lived in Switzerhell all her life, same for my father who I didn’t have for long, he died when he was 39 and I was 8. My parents were not bad to me. They truly did their best.

April 15th

I went food shopping and again I heard some Swiss people making racist and anti-Jews jokes. These people can make such jokes in public anywhere and not care. I was waiting in line and I heard these men, not afraid of anything, because they know they can. When they make jokes about women, they’re not only not afraid of anything, but proud to be stupid! Of course they think they’re very smart! They talk out loud and make racist comments and laugh. I have heard men, only men together, do that in public. Say it with me : ” disgusting!”

April 16th

If reincarnation exists , my Shadow has a human spirit, so he will reincarnate in a human. He always got upset, barked at people hurting their dogs, people screaming at their dogs or children or hitting them. People used to think he was barking at their dog when my dog was barking at them for being mean… I never taught him that. He automatically defended the weaker. He felt things that other dogs don’t feel or don’t worry about.

April 17th

I made mistakes in my life. My life could have been better had I made all the right choices but I didn’t know better, I thought I was doing what was right for me and for my dogs. I have but one regret though: I should have been even nicer to my loved ones ( my dogs) and meaner to strangers who hurt us in any kind of ways. Most of the times, their little games made me upset. I would go about my day, upset. My dogs would feel it. These people, on the other hand were living their sweet little life, getting away with all kinds of crap. I was always afraid to do anything because so afraid of being arrested, meaning separated from my dogs. So I lived with the fear, the frustration, the hatred, that my dogs felt, day after day.

April 19th

I miss my big boy so so much. I will never forgive the Swiss as a people for throwing so much hatred at my dog throughout his life. I will never forget nor forgive. Of course I should have been better and ignored all the crap ( except the hitting my dog by older men) and insults, but I am so sensitive to what is being thrown at my kids. I should have made the extra effort but my big dog might still have felt the hatred coming from people. Just the looks every day that we went outside for walk, just the daily looks of hatred. I made an effort not to look at people’s eyes when we would pass by them within the last 3 years of my dog’s life, but even when I would walk with a friend, they would tell me how nasty and full of hatred people’s looks were towards my dog. In NYC, he didn’t get half of those dirty looks. When we got back to Switzerhell four years ago, Shadow would always light up when we met or passed by people who spoke English. He assimilated the language to the New York vibe, the better vibe, walking around town….

Today I went to a dog shelter to walk some dogs. They saw me with Shiva and only gave me one small dog to walk, when I always tell them I can walk 2 or 3. It’s not like they keep many unfriendly dogs in shelters that the dogs couldn’t get along. They kill the unfriendly dogs. That tiny female dog that was in a state that made me cry right away. I am already weak since my Shadow’s memory is hanging over my head, and the sight of an unhappy dog in a miserable state made me cry right away. She was a small breed, the same as Shiva. She had so much dirty hair around her eyes, she couldn’t see a thing. Nobody had cleaned her eyes and some longhair breeds have a tendency to secrete a brown liquid, that, if not washed off, it stays around the eyes like glue and keeps the eyes closed… She had doodoo all around her butt because no one had cut her hair around that area for months, if not years. She was in a horrible state. I thought maybe they had gotten the dog today, but no she had been there for 2 weeks. The dog was so skinny she was about to faint when I made her walk around the area!! It was awful! I can’t believe these Swiss people. I said that I could take her right away. I said I could take her for a while, in order to get her in a better state. They said that’s not the way they do things. I would have to adopt her, and in any case they would prefer someone without a dog, to adopt her. They have regulations and thoughts that these Swiss people follow, without caring about the well-being of the animal. They have a great modern building for administration of the shelter. I don’t know who built it but it’s an expensive building. When you give money to the shelter, even 20 francs, like I did last year, they send you a magazine every month, a membership card, really cute with your name on it…. Who cares about that crap, if they can’t take care of the dogs well! It’s not that they can’t, but they won’t, they don’t care! Their brains don’t have that freedom, to see things differently, to make things work. I remember in NYC, I once saw these people from a shelter with a dog I knew belonged to a homeless guy of the neighborhood. I used to give him dog food. Well the people from the shelter told me the dog was abandoned. They said that they don’t have enough space at their shelter, and asked me right then and there if I could foster the dog for two nights, to help them out. I said sure no problem. These people didn’t think about procedure, and following the one way to do things, they wanted to save that dog. I was there and seemed to know the dog, and trusted that I could take care of him for 2 days, end of story. They picked him up at my place 2 days later. That small dog that I walked today was in desperate need. If the shelter didn’t have the time or space to care for that dog, they could have taken my ID, passport whatever, and let me take her for a while, even if they didn’t want me to adopt her. When I talk to these people and try to open their minds, all they do is yell at me for thinking I can change things…. Sorry… I am not trying to change your Swiss world, it has proven to me that it can’t change and has made me and my dogs suffer. Who am I to want to change things? All I want is to change things for dogs.

Also, today there is a new law in great Switzerhell: cops are not allowed anymore to pretend to be someone else on the web to catch pedophiles! Switzerhell was already a haven for pedophiles, but now with this great law decided by the great Swiss…. How are cops ( the few that are willing to catch pedophiles) supposed to catch them? Yes, the one and only way is going to be to catch them after the act! Oh but wait…. children are even more scared, shy and mentally troubled in Switzerhell and don’t speak up, than in any other country that no one will find out about “pedo-craps” committing sexual crimes all over the place, until maybe an adult ( the child victim) in 20 years decides to talk. Oh but wait there is also a law in Switzerhell that says you can’t convict someone after a certain amount of years….No Amber alerts ( the French have started it, but not the Swiss), no catching pedophiles…. And rich foreigners come here and think their children are safe…. Should I laugh or cry?

Later that day…

Reading the Secret again, I am thinking since I said it didn’t work because I didn’t win the Lotto nor have been able to leave this country for good, I have somehow thought I couldn’t do it. If what we think about most attracts it, I should have won millions at a game by now. Since my Shadow was a puppy I thought I was going to win the Lotto. I was even so confident that when I got him living in a studio, I thought I definitely would win the Lotto because that only made me want to win more! I was confident I was going to win and in my head, I was only going to make him live in a studio for a little while. All his life, 8 and a half years, I have played and thought I was gona win! I might have had some doubts but I thought that my believing was getting stronger, that it should happen!! I can’t really believe I didn’t win. I always thought I would be able to give him a home with a big piece of land. As my dogs got older, I thought I could offer them that home for their “retirement”. They went through so much and moved a lot with me. I got the chalet with a small fenced green area where I had people complaining he was barking because the poor dog was so happy to be able to say this was his territory, finally! Shiva didn’t use the outside much. My mother lent me the money ( officially) for this chalet because her cousin who likes dogs persuaded her to help me since she had promised to buy a house or something for me to pay rent to her and not to some landlord that would want to kick me and the dogs out. I borrowed money from her and am paying rent for the land because the land ( yard) around the chalet belongs to the village. They don’t want to sell, to let people know it’s not really their place. Many towns and villages do that in Switzerhell. I just own the chalet which is really small with no running water, but I am glad Shadow got to live here for a while and he loved this place. I hate this country so much , I guess it’s hard to attract a winning when I carry so much hate, but now that he’s dead the hatred is even bigger. Before I could objectively criticize the people, compare them to other cultures and show how pathetic, nasty or stupid they are. But now the hatred is personal. I knew my dog was feeling the hate coming at him on top of my hatred towards people and that couldn’t have been good for him, but we were strong the 3 of us I thought, together. So it was bad enough not to able to win the Lotto while hating the country I was in, but now with the added pain of losing my strong boy… And now is when I need to win the most I think. I should have won with him to give him what I wanted, to let him live in a more decent country for the rest of his life. But now I love my Shiva but I am a mess. I cry all the time. I hate this chalet because this was Shadow’s place. I don’t have a job so I can’t get a studio anywhere. I really need to win money to get out of this country for good. There is a pretty big jackpot but with all my pain, how am I supposed to attract that? I try to dig deep down to focus on money. Money was never a big thing to me that’s why I got to be really poor. Money itself is nothing to me. Life of my dogs, of animals in general is. I remember getting really upset when I saw a cat half dead on the road in the old village. The cat had been run over of course by a car. This man stopped in front of me and said he was taking it to kill him because the cat was suffering. The cat was in bad bad shape. It took me several days to get over that. I am so sensitive to animals’ lives. I so want to do something for them. Money is required for that. I know it, just like I knew money was required to leave the country and go buy a home for my 2 boys. I did believe I was going to win. The believing is not my problem. I have been too confident too many times and getting hit by the results of not being the winner, again and again, might make it impossible for me to ever win. I don’t really believe that. Some people might say I am going for the hardest thing: The Lotto! Too many people want the same thing at the same time, right? Well I am a firm believer in the fact that you don’t have more chances to be a star or be a rich business man than winning the lotto. If it’s humanly physically possible, then it’s possible! Yes I have a lot of competition: All these Europeans praying, doing their white, black and whatever color magic for their own winning, but I keep thinking I might get that secret process at some point, and be able to use it. As Mr Robert Collier wrote, if I am poor and sick, then it’s because I don’t understand the power that is mine. I surely haven’t understood it otherwise I would have given my 2 dogs the life I wanted to give them. I guess I needed to experience a whole lot of Swiss crap to really understand this country and write about it and not come back ever. I did. I experienced a lot. I was amazed in the negative sense many times. I was hurt and my dogs were hurt. Will I get a second chance to live life? I surely want to give myself a second chance, but is my mental not too messed up from this country that I’ll be able to win the money that is here in Switzerhell or Europe and leave. If I win, I am not saying that I wouldn’t open a dog shelter in France or Italy at some point in my life because I know how European dogs need a lot of help.

I am trying to think health and wealth to attract them. I don’t think I have to think love. When someone has to think love to attract it I think that may be a bit sad. I realize that just the presence of my big dog was great love in my life, let alone the kind of love he would give me. Shiva gives me great spiritual love as well. He is a spiritual, mystical dog, this little one.

April 20th

I went to a health club in Lausanne that has the top of the line machine equipment, a large spacious work out room, which is rare in Switzerhell. You watch the kind of people ( the Swiss) that work out there, and you wonder why the world is so unfair? In so many countries, a lot of people work out with great energy. Most of them often don’t have the money to work out in gym, much less in gyms with good equipment. I was actually looking at these morons for once, and they are all working out like old people, I mean slow and doing everything wrong. It was lunch time. They are all there because they are so obsessed with loosing weight. Most of them don’t want to be there, don’t like the sport. Sports which are known to be liked in Switzerhell are skiing and tennis, maybe soccer for boys…. So when I see such a great gym with morons trying to push 10 kilos to loose 200 grams of fat…. They all want to be thin, that’s all they care about. They are lazy and do the least possible. These people don’t deserve to have gyms like that. And there was an awesome Pilates studio as well!! Empty, no one in there! Pathetic. I feel like redistributing the wealth of the world in a big way. At least in the US, when you see an awesome gym and rich people working out, they work out as hard as poor people, enjoy their space, use it well and usually educate themselves to work out better and more efficiently. They can learn more because they have money and they do learn and better themselves. The rich Swiss are lazy, and they don’t care about learning to do things better. They want the magic potion to loose weight and that’s it. they don’t like to sweat either.

Later that day…

Prime time Swiss news: The president of Iran gave a provocative speech and insulted Israel. It was ridiculous enough for Switzerhell to invite him for a UN racism convention. Well racism was definitely the subject! Swiss news interviewed him one on one with a Swiss journalist: The Iranian president said that Europeans have no business criticizing Iran for what the laws do to women because in Europe women are beaten and killed inside their homes and they get no help, no real rights. The Swiss journalist responded by saying that he doesn’t understand what he is talking about, and then attacked him on the supposed “hypocrisy” of the Iranian people who don’t follow Islamic laws at home but only in public. What a lame attempt to attack that man who may not the best president and who of course is not a human rights activist. Mahmoud Ahmadinedjad at least knows something about the real treatment of women in Switzerhell which is denied by all Swiss men. It’s amazing that I need a man like him to speak some truth about Switzerland.

April 22nd

I am still not feeling well. My sadness is everlasting. I miss my Shadow so much. I thought I was doing better after a while when I couldn’t cry anymore. As a survival tool, I instinctively felt a bit better, with hopes and joy about the little things in life like food, music and TV. Those things didn’t mean jack anymore right after he passed away. My Shiva is the only one who has kept meaning to me. I thought I was feeling better, starting to see life as I did before. But when I look into my heart and maybe the fact that I am unemployed doesn’t help and gives me time to think and look inward. I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop feeling the need for his presence. It’s probably very selfish psychologically speaking. I sometimes think he is in a better place. Anywhere would probably be better than living in this disgusting country, for him. And that makes me sad, not to have given him a better life. And the bare fact that he is gone just hurts like hell! Period!

April 25th

These Swiss people are going to kill us 3. They killed my Shadow. They got him by giving him cancer first and then poison . They killed him from the pain that he had to go through every single walk outside. They killed him a little bit every day. He was not that strong even if he looked tough. They hurt him so much with their nasty comments, insults and dirty looks!!! I suffered too but I am tougher. All I got was higher cholesterol, which was bad enough. Then they poisoned him at the end. These f***ing Swiss killed him and I have a feeling they are going to kill us all. I am not living anymore. I survive for Shiva. I cry and pet him a lot. Shiva had this ability to be in his own world most of the time, which is his big strength, but his sinuses are getting worse. His nose is dripping all the time. The vet said it’s nothing, allergies or something, so I guess it’s psychological. He is not doing so so well either. I went to the dog shelter, SPA, to walk dogs for Shiva, again.

April 30th

I can’t go on like this. I can’t live in this country without my Shadow. I have my Shiva but he sees me crying too much. One of my dogs is gone so the dream will never happen. I am still poor, so getting rich is not coming true either and I am not getting any younger. But I will not give up on everything. I am going to go to the US for a few days, a week, just to show a city where my dream was, to Shiva who has never been there. Siva and I are going to land in my favorite city and walk around the city. That is part of the dream, and if I have to go broke and loose unemployment money for leaving for a few days, so be it. I am taking this little part of my dream that I can. Life has not giving me any of my dreams. Life has given me 2 beautiful great dogs. The one that is still with me is small so easy to travel with, so I am taking this little bit of my dream. I need that to go on. The hardest thing is going to be to come back to hell, but I think it will give me something positive to keep the hope, or not to loose it. I am going to plan this trip.

May 19th

I got back from the US yesterday. I left on May 6th. When I got to US soil, I truly felt in a different world. I knew that world. I knew that no matter what, I would feel relieved of the scum of Switzerhell. And I did. I didn’t do much on my trip, I just had to feel the vibe. And I could just walk around at whatever time of the day and I felt the vibe. People don’t realize the filth of this small rich country, Switzerland. Of course it’s not the land it’s the people who create the vibe. I walked around a great American city and I breathed like I hadn’t breathed in 4 years, when we were in NYC. I am not saying everyone is great in the US, but you compare it to Switzerhell, it’s vibracious, colorful and peaceful in the US. I have always felt that way even when I tried really hard to say Switzerhell was great ( a long time ago when I was young and somewhat ignorant). Shiva and me had 10 days of almost pure bliss even if I stayed alone, didn’t try to hook up with anyone, do any fun activities, but of pure joy. Joy of life. I had no negative feelings of any kind. I did take the bus and sit beside homeless people who smelled like 2 Swiss put together, but I got out of the bus and was feeling great! So I am back now, and I thought I could carry the pure joy several more days, but as soon as I see these assholes walking around my chalet, looking around like they’re entitled to know everything about me because I am a woman living alone, just that brings back feelings of wanting to kill and reminds me of all the crap Shadow and us had to endure because of the filthy Swiss. I can’t help but wanting revenge on these people. The sad and frustrating thing is that I know I can never get real revenge on these people because they so don’t feel anything that most of them could have their kids killed in front of them, it wouldn’t get them to suffer the way they deserve to. Maybe it is in my chart to kill the Swiss. But once they’re dead, what are they going to feel? nothing! That’s not revenge either. Giving my whole life time to pull dirty pranks on them and making their lives miserable wouldn’t make them suffer. That would make me unhappy. They would be too happy I would playing their game. I read a book while I was in the US, from Sylvia browne, about the temples on the Other Side. She talks about a lot of things that are hard for me to believe ( like there is good rock&roll on the Other Side but no hip hop…), but she does say there are dark entities, ones that stay dark, have no remorse and don’t wonder about right or wrong. As much as I have had very violent and cruel thoughts, I have not yet or ever acted on them. I am sensitive and do understand people who go to jail because their pain was too much to handle, they had to hurt people or they would have hurt themselves. I get that. But we still want to do good things to the ones that are good to us. Dark entities are just dark. The Swiss are dark entities. Sylvia says it and I believe that. Well I also believe that like attracts like and Switzerland is the place where these dark entities gather. They overflow to France and Germany a bit but the core place where they are is Switzerhell. Sylvia says we need dark entities on the planet to teach us something, to help us learn. Maybe so, like in the US or other countries where you have a certain number of people who are dark and you know you have to avoid if you can. But when the country ( Switzerhell) is full of them, and when they have money to cover their image and to have power over who they want, it’s scary. If you’re not a dark entity, the only way to survive is to live in a group in Switzerhell, with a family, gang of friends, etc. But even if I don’t believe my mother is a dark entity, she has residue of these people around her, in her behavior and mind. She lives with a woman who is one. My godmother is also a woman who has lived alone almost all her life. She has and still goes through a lot of crap from society that ruins her life on an every day basis. She had her job where she had lots of friends and allies. She is Swiss so she is not a great person but I can tell sometimes she tries so that’s good enough not to be a dark entity, but this country has got to be stopped. I just hope it’s not in my chart to kill. I know then my book would be published… I do want to live my life away from this country and to tell the world with words and writing. But something just keeps pushing me back here. I could see how I had to come here to realize the nature of Swiss people and their true selves , fully. And who could have realized it better than me, Swiss and alone enough to feel things a bit deeper? If I get the chance to walk out of here with enough money to stay out forever, I will know it was my duty to have learned and tell the world. If I am stuck here, I might also tell the world later and go to jail but then what will I have learned by going to jail? Jail is not so bad in Switzerhell? When you compare it to living in Switzerhell as a single female, it’s about the same. In jail the guards, cops, whatever, might have it easier in raping you , torturing you physically, but mental torture is all over real life in this “free”country… Swiss jail don’t have secret ways to make people suffer more than in society. For the Swiss, they’d rather be among their own kind than in jail but for me, aside from the fact that I can’t have my dog there…My Shiva is my only family left. I’ll stay out of jail for him. I’d like to stay out of jail for the dogs of the world, but I have got to get a grip on how to make my dreams come true.

May 20th

Having spent 10 days in the US, I forgot what a bunch of idiots the Swiss are when they walk down the street or when they drive. When you’re in a town with people walking around the streets ( which tend to be narrow ), everyone wants to go first, not letting others go by, especially not women. They are like kids: me me me! ” I am going through and not you!”. I am talking about adults here. And when they’re driving, it’s the same thing. People don’t let you go, they drive as if they try to get away with as much crap as possible. I rode a bicycle in the US for 7 days, and I was amazed at how much space most cars left on my side as they were driving by me. I know NYC is different, they drive like maniacs, especially cab drivers, but it’s a city with almost as many people as in the whole Switzerhell. New Yorkers may drive crazy at times, but it is nothing like the Swiss. I know Italians drive crazy. I know Egyptians ( especially Cairo) drive even crazier. But it’s not that the Swiss drive fast and don’t follow the rules, it’s more like they want others to follow the rules, otherwise they call the cops on them, and they themselves follow the rules once out of twice. My 2 weeks in the US was great and riding a bike on the streets felt really safe. I was really careful because I had Shiva in my backpack all the time so I was being very attentive. Even if everyone was giving me space, having lived in Europe, I have the habit of always looking back and making sure there isn’t a crazy Swiss driving nuts, because I know that it can happen anywhere, these people travel and move to other countries… But just the luxury of having cars actually make a detour on the road to leave space for the bicyclists, it’s great and very comfortable. Also when I walked on the street, I felt people gave me space, and that makes it also very comfortable to walk around, on a crowded city street. Of course downtown people walked faster than in residential areas, and with Shiva I felt I had to watch him so that he didn’t get kicked as he won’t move for people ( I have always moved around him and been extra careful, he is little). Then I realized I was being paranoid , just because they were walking faster, because I have the habit of seeing Europeans walk without being careful about dogs, stepping on them and kicking them if they’re in the way. Shiva got stepped on when he was a puppy, in Paris. At the time I didn’t know how people were. I trusted that they would see a puppy and not step on it! He later got kicked a few times because he wouldn’t move out of their way, in Switzerhell. I learned. For them dogs have to walk out of the way. And then the Swiss lonely owners let them sleep in their bed: dogs are confused, once they are supposed to fear humans and then they are put on a pedestal. Most Americans may be very nice compared to the rest of the world. The Swiss are the worst in the world, followed by the French. Many countries stand in the middle, like Italy which I know a bit. There is about 50% of them who are really nice and then you have others who are sometimes decent and sometimes not at all. I mean there is usually such a balance in a country. The French have their old architecture with the history of the Kings and the nobles and the language which the world admires. All that still makes them obnoxious and snobs. Today’s France doesn’t have much to show for itself, but the people keep that snotty attitude. And with their socialist system which gives so much money to the non-working people, the French get lazy. But can you believe that the Swiss are still the laziest of all? The Swiss don’t even have a history to show for, a great old civilization. They have a few castles here and there. Please… They do rely a bit on the work of their ancestors who did work hard for a while, making watches in factories like little soldiers. Nowadays they hire French because they say they work faster… The Swiss’ brains have been sitting on mountains, watching foreigners come by, take pictures and spend money, for so long that they’re atrophied. The Swiss have atrophied brains. Just like a muscle you don’t work for a long time becomes atrophied, their brains have not been working for generations. They refuse whatever is new, different. They don’t do many activities. They like to stay home or go to cafés and bars. They save money, by not doing things, not going anywhere ( except maybe on one vacation a year, and they choose the kind of vacation where they lie on the beach the whole time). Their brains are worthless.

Between dark entities and atrophied brains, I don’t know what Switzerland would do without all the multinational companies that bring a certain amount of foreign workers who stick together, true, but also bring the level of intelligence to a decent level so that it’s not too shocking to go through the country, for politicians, business women and men.

May 22nd

I can’t stand life, since we got back from the US. I have never had to come back that soon and considering the fact that I hate Switzerhell as it is, and that I have lost my love, Shadow and that I am unemployed, I am not doing well at all. My trip to the US did me good. When I was there, I felt great. Now it hurts again. I miss my big dog so so much. I concentrate on Shiva and try not to take him for granted. I love him. Life here though is still hell, among these trash bag Swiss people. I am poor, can’t do much. I spent all my money in the US. Now I am waiting for my next unemployment check ( well there are no checks in Switzerhell, it’s just a money wiring through the bank). Life is not at its highest point, but even if I let myself cry a lot because it just has to be and it would be too painful to hold it in, I try to keep the faith, the hope that something good will come up. I have to keep the faith. Truth is I am full of pain, sadness , hatred and fear. Somehow I can still find happy moments, with Shiva and because I know that I am who I am. Today I went to see a room for rent in Lausanne. Since I don’t have running water and the weather is getting hot, it’s really impossible to live here in the cabin the whole summer. So Shiva and I went to this apartment where this young African guy comes to answer the door. I go in and I see from afar an older lady with lots of make-up and a bit shy and weird. She looked like a witch. She just said hello from afar and that was plain weird to me, when I knew that she lived there, and I would have to share the apartment with them. They want me to move in there? The room was tiny and they were asking too much money for it. The guy was showing me the room. He seemed cool and nice and normal compared to the old Swiss witch in the back, hiding. I told me they were a couple. Clearly he fell in love with that woman…. This apartment was in an apartment complex which looked a bit like the project, or rather felt like it. The place is green and quiet, and crime is hidden and silent. When that many Swiss live in a small environment, it can’t be good. They already don’t know how to relate to each other in general, so their poverty and their need to pretend that they’re poor ( it depends) can’t be much of a fun place to live. Anyway, that wasn’t the problem. The apartment itself had this weird vibe ( the poor woman was probably not a witch, just a non-talkative, non-interesting, vicious, normal old Swiss woman. I just felt the place out, like picturing the possibility of living there, with my boy… I got out of there and was happy to get out, and especially happy that I didn’t really have to take the room. I’d rather live without water! I’ll look for another place but that room would have been easy to move into, quickly done, compared to the heavy paper work a rental agency will ask for. Roommate situations are rare in Switzerhell, but I’ll keep looking, maybe a place with foreigners! That old witch did have 2 dogs which was an attracting factor to me. When I got there though, the old Bernese was overweight and the Poodle was told not to come to my dog…

Then I went to the supermarket. In Switzerhell the concept of putting a separation between everyone’s groceries when ready to pay is new, maybe four years. Well yes new, but in about four years you would think people would get used to putting the separation after their groceries. No, half of the people still don’t do it. Some don’t do it because it’s not the way they know and they don’t like change. Some don’t do it because they don’t care. Some don’t do it because they don’t know how to do it ( if it’s after their stuff or before, that they have to put it). The poor women ( they’re women most often in Switzerhell) cashiers who have to ask people all the time: ” Is that yours too? ” to the thousands of people who don’t like to put the separation between their items and the next person’s. Little things like that in everyday life that make life easier and make sense, are all taken and copied from the United States, but people can’t get used to them. They won’t. Old men say that they have been leaving a space after their items for years and they don’t see why it should change. It has been four years that all supermarkets have those separations! The French will steal all the American ideas like that, but they will use them right away because they realize it makes life easier. It’s not a big thing but these little things add up to make life in Switzerhell a living hell for everyone. I guess I complain because I can’t get used to the idea that everyone is stupid. They’re not all stupid, they just don’t think right. Their brains don’t function right, if at all. They don’t want to work with society. They are like stubborn little brats. But it is their fault because they have the ressources to learn, but they don’t want to. You will tell me that you know some Americans who are not keen on learning, and that they take for granted what society offers them and has been offering them for years. Maybe, but at least they don’t have that vicious and hypocritical attitude of wanting to stab you if you step in front of them by accident ( because the Swiss usually do it on purpose), or the need to bug other people all the time for everything, even if they pretend to be quiet , polite and nice. There really is a disgusting vibe in Switzerland. And you do have to be a bit sensitive to feel it because it’s not in your face all the time. It’s not a loud country. People keep everything inside, and then stab people in the back. That’s just how it is.

May 23rd

Today I came back to the chalet and again someone came in through the fence and broke something in my yard! The small wooden construction next the chalet is a small shed where I put wood and stuff that I won’t care much if they steal. Well I do have tools in there which get expensive. They stole my shovel already. Today when I was gone, they ( I don’t know who and since I have no allies, it’s “they”) broke down the door of that shed. They didn’t take anything this time which proves how much they do s*** just to bug me and just because I am a woman alone, and they think they can. The farmer is working in his cow farm across the road but of course he won’t say anything because that’s how they are these Swiss people: whether they’re in on it or not, they don’t say anything, don’t want to get involved if it’s not them, and they pretend nothing is wrong if it was them. They act like poor thugs and they’re not poor, plus they don’t even have the quickness of mind and reflex of real thugs! The Swiss are an amazing filthy breed. I guess they are there to show how filthy humanity can get. They are filthy in every sense of the term, but the worst part is their mind, their souls if they have any. You know they have been f***ing with me for the last 5 years when I came back to live in this filthy country. I lived here before and it was the same whether I had my big dog or not. With my big dog I just had another added 30% of the population that insulted us, hated my guts and wanted us gone or dead. Some of my friends from around the world tell me that they could have killed me because some of them have seen people get hurt or killed for small little reasons in Switzerhell. It’s true that I know people who have had it worse. This old woman with her 2 dogs in a village close to here had her chalet burned by someone. They haven’et gone that far yet with me. And truly I haven’t done anything to these people, ever! All through these years that I have had my dogs, I have built a motherly defensive armor and claws which could make me do ugly ugly things, but at the same time, unless I win the Lotto and get to go far away for the rest of my life, I stay put, and make sure I do nothing to these people, so that I do what I can to protect my dogs. And now I still have my Shiva to protect. I am not taking any unnecessary risks. I don’t want to waste my life trying to hurt these people. It’s too much work and too much attention on them. I live in Switzerhell but I try to stay in my own world and ignore the fact that I am here. It works when there is no one around. I still watch the news in French but thanks to the amount of foreigners in the country, we get most American shows and movies in English ( we don’t get many of them but the ones that we get , we can choose to watch them in English or French). I watch the Swiss Italian channel a lot too because their taste for good American series and movies is better.

My shadow was not lucky to have lived most of his life in this country. He was a really great dog and belonged in the US where they gave him love and compliments. This dog taught me about the true nature of these Swiss people, because before him, I knew the Swiss weren’t all that great of a people, but Shadow taught me that no other people on the planet will hate dogs that much because their breed. No other people will spend so much time planning little tricks to ruin your day, because you have a dog of a breed they don’t like. Swiss people refuse to see any good in certain breeds. Swiss people try to destroy people’s lives just because they have a dog of a breed they don’t like. Swiss people have so much in their life: money, opportunities, comfort, and they carry more hate than poor frustrated starving sick people of the world , who would have the right to have a bit of hatred along the way, but they don’t. Swiss people have nothing positive to offer to society. They only open their mouth to say negative stuff to people they don’t know. They want to know about everybody’s business, not to care or help , just to be curious to use the information to break people for no reason at all. I didn’t see all that in the Swiss, before I had my Shadow. I saw part of it, but didn’t realize the percentage of people who are scum. In every country you have crumbs, trash-bags. But in Switzerhell, there is a majority of filth which you only get to find out about, if you’re a woman alone. And if, on top of it, you have a dog of a certain breed, you get to really see and feel it. This dog not only taught me about love, about the fact that you have to cherish your loved ones, and that if you hurt them you only hurt yourself. He taught me about the people of the country I was born in. He taught me some truth. Shiva was the first one I loved in my life, so he taught me about love too. Shiva is very small and if you’re not careful, his teaching is so subtle that you can miss it. Shadow was big in every way. His presence was big and his love was big and obvious. I didn’t see it in the beginning, I so wanted him to be perfect, to be well trained. He was a great dog and listened well after a lot of training. I was frustrated sometimes and I should have loved him more. I guess we can all say that when we loose a loved one. But the person I am today is partly because of him. I might have this hatred in me when I am in this country because I have taken too much of their crap, thinking I could take it I guess. But if I need to save me, I know that when I set foot in the US the hatred goes away. The only thing that is left is the zealous way I have to want to protect my dog(s) at all times. I just know that this dog has taught me more than anyone has in my life besides my little boy Shiva, who has taught me and is still teaching me about love as well. With Shadow I almost had this equal to equal relationship, even if all his life I insisted on keeping him in his dog position. He had to listen to me at all times. I didn’t listen to him enough, but now I realize that he still was able to teach me stuff! I don’t know that I’ll ever find another dog like him. I would love to have money to open a shelter to have lots of dogs, to get to know lots of creatures of that specie. Shadow taught me to love dogs even more. I am in love with his breed as well. I have a weakness for small breeds and big muscular ones.

May 25th

I am in a new apartment for one month, a sublet. I needed to get away from the chalet and to live in a town where there are more dogs for Shiva to see and smell. I wish I could say “play with”, but the Swiss don’t let their dogs play with other dogs. As soon as their dog has smelled the other, they call her or him. Sometimes I meet a foreigner with a small dog, and Shiva gets to play for a bit, on lucky days… When Shadow was young, I was also making all kinds of efforts to find other dogs for him to play with.

I was thinking about the past, when I first got Shadow. Back then I was super positive and was sure I was going to win the Lotto. The Secret says we have to pretend or think we already have what we want. I did. I thought I knew it was coming. I thought we wouldn’t live in a studio for long. I had this big dog in a studio and even if I wasn’t working full-time ( teaching English and French) and giving him lots of walks, I knew it was not cool to have him in such a small space. I was so sure things were going to get better , money was coming. It never came… So what was I doing wrong? Being too sure? I thought that was exactly what we have to do. I hadn’t read the Secret then, but I knew that if I wanted something bad enough and felt it, it would come. I believed too much? Isn’t that insane? Later on I stopped being so sure, and then, I can understand that the winning didn’t come. Still today I have a nerve in me who thinks I might never get what I want. Now I am working on believing again. But what if I worked on believing to again not win for 5, 6, 7 years? To do what I really want ( which is open a dog shelter in the US), I need a lot of money. I need money to get out of here, then to get papers in the US, and then to open a shelter! So yes I need to win a huge amount. I have read Richard Bartlett’s book, Matrix Energetics. Even if I think the book is to make people go to the seminar, I am trying to two-point… I even believe… And then it doesn’t happen. But I keep trying.

May 26th

Here I am in great Switzerhell ( barf), renting a sublet for a month, not because I am looking for luxury of having running water even though as a concept I am not against it, but because I had to get out of my chalet in the middle of nowhere ( near a small village of Swiss morons), chalet that I had gotten for Shadow and us. Without him that place is as grim as Switzerhell. Shiva doesn’t even like it that much. It was Shadow’s place. It was the best I could ever give him, along with my love and being his leader. He was my third eye and my partner. This is the first time I loose someone I loved. Well, Shiva is my world now, even if I am selfish enough to look for what I need as well. So I am in this apartment I rented from Swiss people, who have a villa nearby, with a view on the Hotel and Management school where I used to work. These people have a view on a somewhat historical building of their region and they didn’t even know that it was now a hotel school ( has been for the last 15 years). That’s what I mean about the Swiss having the ressources to learn and know things but they don’t care. They live in a pretty region of this country, and they don’t know about the few historical buildings of the area. There are pretty sceneries in Switzerhell, very similar to the ones in the surrounding countries. But to me, what the US has, the amount of different sceneries, from the Ocean, to the Canyons, to the green country sides, to the mountains, to the great lakes, etc, etc. Why would Americans travel to Europe more than once? Since I grew up in Switzerhell, I was used to the sceneries and actually liked them because they were familiar. I used to hope I could settle down and enjoy a job, friends and simplicity of life here in Switzerhell. I am not a complicated person, but I was just born in the wrong country. My soul fits in the US more. I should then do my best to stay there. Yes. I will. I didn’t want to stay illegally with Shadow in the US because I was afraid of being deported and separated from my dogs at some point. That fear.. I know. I should have looked for a husband, the man of my life in a smarter way. Ok enough with the “should have’ s”. Shadow is still with me in spirit. It seems he shows me his hair sometimes. I know some of his hair may still be around, but I feel like he is showing me his presence sometimes when I don’t think about him, with a hair of his. It’s often at the gym. He knows it’s what I like to do, and Shiva is not around, so he shows me he is there. I wish I could have more, a conversation or a message. I guess I always want more.

I am trying to think quantum, to widen my imagination. I have always believed in crazy stuff and have been disappointed that they didn’t work. But if I try to stretch my imagination and not want things desperately, like an angry child, maybe I can get to have the millions to open my shelter and help lots of dogs the way I plan to. I have got to change, to transform to do that. Obviously wanting the winning the way I have been wanting it, hasn’t worked. Otherwise I’d have won when my big dog was still young.

May 29th

It’s funny how people from around the world have this brainwashed idea that Switzerland is beautiful, more beautiful than other countries. I see these tourists taking pictures of ugly places and things. Switzerhell is not getting cheaper to travel to, so the tourists are not poor people. For many people, it’s still “something” to say that they went to Switzerland. The image that a few smart ambitious foreign ( not Swiss) marketing strategists have created is amazing. Of course that image has been supported by the low-tax system that is in place for rich people. And because so many rich people of the world come to Switzerhell to live or to visit, the country smells like money. And because most people can’t smell the difference between dirty and clean money , a place where money accumulates has to be attractive.

I have heard the theory that says Switzerhell was taken over a few decades ago by the rich who rule the world ( if there is such a thing, as the conspiracy theory where a certain amount of very rich people own and rule the world). Switzerhell is the perfect place to hide. The country has in the last 30 years, made more and more effort to protect the rich in the country. It could be the place where these super rich hide their money. The country’s scheme is to hide money better than anyone else in the world. The country is based on telling the world whatever they want to hear, or at least they tell the least that they have to, and lie. They keep their population dumb so they can keep this system of not saying what is going on around in the country, even little things like crime… Privacy of the rich is highly respected. Cops don’t even know about people who live in mansions. Crime is not reported nor on tv, except the few times when something happens in the middle of the day, on a crowded street. I met this taxi driver in Geneva who told me about his friend who is a train conductor. This man knows about technical problems which is what the train company tells people when a train stops working all of a sudden. But this man told me most of the time it is because people were on the rails, either tied down by someone or who commit suicide. That never goes on TV. Even to him, the train conductor, if he didn’t get to see the detailed scene, he is told it was a suicide, when he knows that there is a high percentage of crime being disguised as suicide. Cops are not allowed to check or investigate, many times. Not that they yearn for the extra work anyway. I have gone and still go hiking a lot. The trails are sometimes very dangerous. A weird guy once told me that people fall off the cliff often. Never reported, nor on the news. The only thing we hear on TV is when people are rescued when there is an avalanche in the winter. It is difficult for them to hide an avalanche, so the media will tell you that there was an avalanche and that people died or were rescued by the great competent Swiss helicopter rescue team ( …). Most of the times, who finds these people under snow? Dogs!

I personally don’t really like the conspiracy theory where the super rich would own Switzerhell and make it the way it is. It gives these Swiss people a big fat excuse for being dumb, vicious enough to mess with poor people and women’s lives. It gives them an excuse for being rats. Oh it’s not their fault, higher powers have turned them into who they are, for a reason. They stay busy worrying about their neighbor’s lives and don’t rebel against higher powers… I don’t buy it. The Swiss have the ressources to evolve, to be as advanced, humanly, psychologically as the United States, but their souls are so dark that they are who they are, and whether they want to change or not ( ha ha), they can’t. So they pretend they decide not to want to change. I only give them the credit to know, to be aware that deep down they are dark entities. They know they are vicious, ugly ( on the inside mostly), envious people. But the excuse to themselves is that there are so many people who have killed masses of people who live in Switzerland in big beautiful homes, that they think they can bug, hurt destroy a few weak people’s lives to show that they are more dominant…to show that they too , can hurt others and get away with it. I say Switzerhell ( whether the Swiss or the rich criminals who became Swiss with money) is a society of pricks who don’t deserve to live. Who am I to say that? Well it’s just my vicious Swiss opinion. Until the world at least realizes the reality of this country and uses it as a ” this is how low humans can get”, I won’t accept this place as “just another country”. There are terrible things in the world, for me starting with the cruelty on animals, and for many with the hunger, the killings of people in the name of whatever, etc. But most of these acts in other countries are not hidden behind a clean safe beautiful image like Switzerland.

May 31rst

So I wonder why I am here in this country. Why things didn’t work out for me in the US when I was there when I was younger. Well they worked out in a sense because for a Swiss girl like me I learned and lived pretty great experiences in the US. I took some wrong turns as well, not that I went into terrible things, but I made some wrong decisions. Yes we’re supposed to think that we live what we live for a reason that either we have chosen or that God has chosen for us. But I didn’t need all those years in Switzerhell to realize the filth of its people. I wanted a good life for myself. I guess I could be one these people who get trapped in the ” we want what we don’t want and we don’t what we want “. That’s probably because I was born in this filthy country that I am bit messed up like that. Not that people in other countries are never messed up, but neither my mother nor my father was an alcoholic, nor a violent person, but since everything is hidden in Switzerhell, people’s issues have been hidden for generations. People are very messed up in their heads, but don’t know where to start to get better since it’s a big fat collective secret of crap bundled up in their brains. I feel like I got better because of the US, because of my dogs, but I can’t get in line with myself since I am not where I want to be, doing what I want to do and having people I enjoy around me. I am stuck in this society where I hate every single habit of the people, the good ones and the bad ones. Yes I can say there are some good ones like one or two concerning recycling, and having the city streets cleaned in most places. I know they only do these things for their image. The Swiss, like other Europeans spend so much time in their bathrooms ( sometimes not to take a shower but to fix their hair, put make-up and perfume on) in the mornings. You see them come out and they look at themselves in every window they see. They don’t try to be better people, nicer people, volunteer ( the only volunteers I met in Switzerhell are wives of expats), or even learn things that will then help someone or the world. Their image is what’s important. Then as long as they play hypocrite, they think they are great citizens of the world! Even at the gym, the most important thing is how they look, not how good of a work out they try to get out of the hour in there, or how better their health could be if they worked out better. They just want to work out enough to loose weight, and to show that they were at the gym. Most people don’t do much at all. They chat, and criticize, and chat, and criticize, and look at themselves in the mirror. It’s not pretty but they like what they see.

I was walking Shiva by the lake the other night. A lot of young people were hanging around, sitting on benches, smoking and drinking. One guy said to me : ” Ciao bella!” And then his whole crowd laughed really hard. And then he said: “Well ya you gotta give them some hope” ( in French). Most of the time in Switzerhell I am not trying to be pretty, I am trying to be average or ugly. Well I guess I succeeded! I were sweats or jeans. I was wearing sweats that night. My hair was in a bun, as always because I don’t like to show hair in this country anymore. Anyway, of course I didn’t look like the prettiest girl around. These were young men in their twenties. It didn’t hurt me to hear that ( because I know that if I want to look pretty enough not to get that kind of comment, I can), but it made me think about the girl that is trying to look her best and hears this. These young drunk dudes who think they rule the world, and insult women on an every day basis. Like I always say, on the streets of Switzerhell, you will hear nasty vicious comments ( like the ones I got on my dog), but you will never hear the positive stuff. I have seen pretty girls walking around, looking really hot. Guys will stare with their moron looks, but they can’t open their mouths to say anything nice! If they feel really bold that day because they are with their friends, they will say something funny ( to them), making fun of the woman, when they actually thought she was sexy, but they would never be able to tell her that. At least in France and Italy, you hear positive comments. I am thinking, why am I here? Why was I born here? Is it a challenge? I was doing great when I was younger. I thought I could go to the US, come back to Switzerhell and still enjoy life , knowing what to take in and what to reject. The amount of years that I have spent in this country now have been too much. And with all the crap that I had to take while having a big beautiful dog that these people didn’t like. I hope I am not going to become a psychopath that will take her revenge, well deserved… But I am out of ideas to distract myself, to do things that will make life in this country bearable. I am out of ideas and I tolerate less and less from these people. I am afraid of what I can become when I know that if I got a bit of money and if I could go to the US and get my papers, I could be a great person, and a happy one, even if I have lost one of the big loves of my life, Shadow. I have loved that dog like a person, and I had my heart broken. I always felt threatened by men ( or ran away from ) who had their heart broken because I always thought they could never get over that person. I am so ok on my own, with my dog(s), that I don’t yearn for love from a man. I of course want love that is really real, and that would feel right on many levels. I guess I am a bit of a loner. Even if without the presence of my dog Shiva now, I am not sure I could go on, hoping. He is so little. Sometimes I look at him and I think how does this small animal bring me so much love, joy and comfort? He is so little and so fragile in this cruel rough country. In the US, so many people acknowledged him in a good way, and it made me feel good as well as him. Here they jump on their high hatred horses and don’t ever say anything nice to or about him. The Swiss are just not a loving people. That’s the least I can say about these assholes!

　

June 1

When you sublet in Switzerhell, you have to expect the owner to come in when you’re not around. The owner will tell you he won’t come in. It took him a week for this one to come in. I have my methods to tell if someone was inside. Of course he didn’t take anything, but he did try to get on my computer. Every time I rent a place, and the owner sees that there is no man with me, he decides he has the right to come and find out information about me. That’s the way it is in Switzerhell, and with sublets, you don’t necessarily have to be a woman alone, for the owner to come by and look at what is going on in her/ his apartment.

　

　

June 2nd

Today I went to the gym and I realized that when the owner writes the weight on dumbbells ( when it’s not written on it when they buy them), it doesn’t match the actual weight. The 24 kilos is heavier than the 25 kilos, the 45 kilo is heavier than the 47… If you count the plates, you can see it without lifting them. I told the manager. He said no, that couldn’t be (especially if a woman dares tell him). Some dudes must have noticed it. I can’t imagine that the dudes who lift heavy ( the few) wouldn’t have noticed. The Swiss mentality is to not say anything if you can help it, especially if it’s to help someone. They figured out that the weights are wrong and keep the knowledge to themselves. It represents the Swiss. They don’t want to help anyone, and they thrive on the feeling that they know something that others don’t and could hurt others by the same token. I mean these feelings are useful or known to be true in world business when you have big amounts of money involved, or when people try to get ahead in their career. They are competitive feelings and actions but in everyday life, for little things, people should have the common sense not to try to hurt or bug other people, but rather help when it doens’t take much effort. I know that’s how people are mostly, in the US, and in other parts of the world.

At the gym, I heard this guy talk about the fact that he had to pay a higher price for a car insurance because he is a foreigner. He is from Bosnia, but speaks perfect French and looks Swiss even ( well a bit better looking ). I know these Swiss scum try to get away with murder, but I didn’t know they could get away with asking for more money for insurance, to whoever they felt like. I have also heard in the past, foreigners getting ripped off when they got their cars fixed at a garage. I knew women would get ripped off all the time, but I didn’t know the Swiss tried it on foreign men, too. What a daring bunch…

The Swiss screw foreigners and women, and get away with it, except ( thank you, they don’t ALWAYS get away with it) when they end up scamming rich foreigners who the Swiss, by accident thought were not so rich! That’s a fact. Nothing of the sort is ever in the news either. The Swiss not only get to keep their great image all over the world, but feel great about themselves. Tourists will only see Swiss people in their beautiful gardens, gardening all day , or pretend to garden when they’re really looking at what people ( neighbors, etc) do, at what time, with who, to then throw a comment here and there. But if they know you’re a tourist or a rich person, they will smile from their lame gardens, and say hello, like polite citizens! Pucky pucke!

June 2rd

In the name of “not helping” and messing with people: An anglophone older man came into a tobacco store and asked if the owner, who was working there at the time spoke English. He said yes. The old man then asked how much was a particular pack of cigarettes. The owner thought he was gona buy it. So he took the pack and the old man said: “Oh I just want to know how much it is”. The owner wasn’t happy but understood. He then just showed him the price written in small numbers on the back of the pack, but didn’t say it out loud. He did it on purpose. It bugged him that the man was not going to buy, and he saw it was an old man who may not see well. So he showed him the price with his finger, even though he spoke English. The old man kept asking how much as he couldn’t see the small number. I was right there waiting in line. I saw this idiot Swiss owner who would not say the number out loud. The old man was trying to look and figure it out. I finally went up there and told him the price. He said thank you and left. The owner felt really good about himself, doing that kind of idiocity and getting away with it. The Swiss are so messed up that they think: ” who does he think he is, wanting to know a price without buying”. The Swiss are not used to that, so it bugs them. That owner wasn’t thinking that that old man was a customer, and that he had the right to ask for a price, or that he was maybe going to buy something else. He wasn’t thinking that the old man might have just moved to this town and may a customer that he lost. It’s like any store where they wait until the customer says hello to then say hello back in a pitiful tone. Everyone in Switzerhell is despicable that it doesn’t fathom them.

Also, this afternoon, I called the one and only Swiss tv station from the french part, asking why the 2 language option that they offer usually on some US series and movies, wasn’t working today. I was watching a show that I usually get in English. The woman that I got transferred to, answered rudely: ” it is working, listen!” She had me listen to the English version. Whether it was a cable problem or a TV problem, it wasn’t working at the apartment I was staying at, but she could have been a bit more helpful and especially more pleasant…I wonder what would happen if everyone stopped watching that Swiss channel all together! Yes I know most Swiss don’t really care if the person answering the phone is not polite nor pleasant.

Some Swiss know about some atrocities that go on in the world or in their country, but don’t care, or say that they can’t do anything. Like this older guy last night by the lake who was telling me that his dog came from puppy mill from Rumania. He was saying that these Rumanians (…) will do anything for money. How about doing something to stop that? That man is retired. He has the time and I am sure the money, to go out there or go on the web, find out something he could do to help…. Well at least he walks his dog!

June5th

Barack Obama was right when he said that all those American companies with their headquarters in Switzerland take away jobs from American people. These companies not only pay taxes ( not that many..) to Switzerhell instead of the US , but also give jobs to Swiss people. I have nothing against giving employment to people, but when it is making a filthy country like Switzerhell even richer, to be able to get away with more crime and dirty money, it makes it wrong. I don’t even blame the US for wanting to take over the world, because the world would probably be a better place if they did. But I think that the US should help its people first, before helping the Swiss get employment. I understand that US companies want to pay less taxes, but do you have to help the devil in order to pay less taxes?

June 6th

Last night I saw an episode of Desperate Housewives where one of the women had tried to tell the cops her husband was beating her for years and since the husband was a cop, his fellow police officers who knew him and liked him, never believed her and would always loose the paper work that the wife had filled out. Well at least she got to fill out some forms… In Switzerhell, it’s not once or twice that a story like that happens, it’s all the time and not only with cops but with fellow male dominant “buddies”. For sure in Switzerhell cops don’t beat their wives. You’ll never get any sign of a proof. Regular guys beat their wives both physically and mentally. Women have for generations be taught to shut up in many countries. In Switzerhell, in 2009, women still stay quiet many times to keep themselves and their children safe. Only very rich women get to open their mouths, some of the time, if they’re not being advised to stay quiet by more influential people.

I know these things happen in the world, in different countries. What bothers me again ( I repeat myself), is that Switzerhell is seen as this nice, if not perfect place where human rights are respected, when in reality they’re not! Switzerhell shows the world that it takes refugees from various countries around the world and gives these refugees food and lodging. “Look how nice we, the Swiss, are”! These guys then have to deal with the everyday Swiss when they live here of course, which are not so nice. If racism exists in Switzerhell like in a lot of places, the Swiss find it in their primitive heads to look down on them, as if the Swiss society was more advanced than any of those refugees’. Many African countries have more of an evolved society, humanly speaking than the Swiss. It just amazes me how this Swiss country can keep this image for years. Is there a Swiss fund where the rich put money , that works on subconscious messages to the world, to keep that squeaky clean image? I wonder sometimes.

June 6th

It’s funny at the gym, the Swiss think I am scared of people because I run away from them. I just don’t like them and try to stay away. I don’t show it ( except when they really stink I can’t help making a face), that I am getting away from them because I don’t like them so they shouldn’t feel ticked off by the fact that I moved when they approached. If they minded their own business and actually worked out, they wouldn’t notice. I am there doing my thing on a machine and one of these pricks comes to the machine next to me and as he or she sits down, he makes sure he stares long enough and hard enough to make me have the knowledge that he is there, of course in which case I should look at him to acknowledge him or her by either saying hello, bowing my head forward, or smiling at them. That’s how things work in this country. Some might actually like that: small country… saying hello to people all the time. Sure that seems friendly. But then I have to ask, why can’t these people say “excuse me” when they bump into someone (in the bus, supermarket, train, movies)? The only time I ever heard someone excuse themselves when they push someone by accident, is at work. They are afraid of being fired so they all of a sudden start being hypocritically polite again, which they should be all the time if they want a country where people acknowledge each other’s presence everywhere. At the gym, which is by the way a good representation of society since all kinds of people ( rich , poor, sick, healthy, etc) go there, I insist on staying concentrated on what I am doing which is working out, what I came for ( not for socializing or looking at people). Dogs are known to make themselves seen by other dogs. But even dogs don’t push their presence on other dogs as hard as these Swiss people, unless they’re very dominant puppies. I try to look at the bright side and, of course if it’s very cute guy who approaches me and looks at me, which is as rare as a pink rat, then I’ll look at him and his staring will make me smile or laugh, which will then be a good thing. Seriously I don’t want to spend one second of my life around these filthy Swiss, but right now I am stuck spending days. You know the dudes who make their presence known in the gym to people individually are not to be compared with someone who wants to make his or her presence known to a group by being extravagant or loud which doesn’t bother me because I won’t have to respond since it’s not on me personally. The extravagant type which is rare in Switzerhell but exists, will rarely bother my dog and I on the street. But the type who wants to be acknowledged on an individual basis, would need me to stop near him on the street, talk to him about the breed of my dog for an hour, compliment him on whatever, etc. And that doesn’t even certify the lack of insults from him, in my back. This type usually walks down the street and gives me and my big dog the dirtiest look to make sure I understand that I and my dog are not welcome on “his” streets and in “his” town. Of course these are dominant ego-centric behaviors. The Swiss are used to have their environment very controlled. They are used to know what is going on ,on every street and can’t stand when things get different. And it has gotten different within the last 20 years which creates such a deep frustration inside them, and since they re not used to expressing themselves, they keep it inside and it transforms into hatred and backstabbing. There is such a fat hidden hatred in Switzerhell, it makes me sick. The Swiss have always been hypocritical with their neighbors, family members, and been taught not to say much. So when it comes out, it’s very ugly. Now with immigration, the Swiss can’t stand all this diversity in how people look and act, and they hate and hate without being able to do anything except stabbing people in the back while being careful that they don’t get caught. All the foreigners who mix with the Swiss start hating them just as much when they realize how much the Swiss hate really them. Most tourists visit Switzerhell in groups, so they don’t feel that cloud of hatred hanging like gas, about to explode. I have lived here alone for many years and when you’re alone you feel things a bit more.

So yes I am afraid. I run away from them at the gym when they get too close because for one I feel their disgusting vibe and since they don’t like my different way of being either, I am afraid of their filthy comments which now that my Shadow is gone, I won’t let swing by me anymore. I won’t stay quiet anymore. I am afraid of what I would do to them. Hatred and fear are linked. They are not good healthy feelings I agree. However, I have seen many women in Switzerhell who fall into deep depression, then stay on medication for years and never really recover. Hatred to me is the tiny step up from depression, and self-destruction, which I have never let myself fall into. I guess coming back to Switzerhell was self-destruction but I didn’t know better, I hoped that it could work out, 10 years ago, and again 5 years ago. Before I found out the real filth of people after having lived alone for a while, and then with a dog of breed they dislike, I had nothing against the slow boring uninteresting Swiss, really. I had nothing against stores closing early and being closed on Sundays. All these details I had been exposed to as a child seemed like things I didn’t love but could live with.

June 10th

I went to a bakery which I like, this morning where they actually make their bread and most pastries ( others will buy frozen stuff and just cook it in the morning). It is funny to taste the huge difference in pastries between France where they are so delicate and sweet, and tasty, and the Swiss where they are mostly gross. So I went inside with my positive attitude of the morning, when I haven’t yet seen or interacted with a Swiss. As soon as I walk in the bakery, this woman looks at me and waits for me to say hello which I don’t because I wait for her to say it. So she then says “bonjour” in her Swiss awkward constipated way. It makes me cringe. Some of these Swiss people are not good at hiding how uncomfortable they are in their skin, in their bodies, on this planet. It makes me cringe, I can’t help it. I can ignore it enough to buy my tasty bread ( I found some good in that one bakery in the whole region) and a piece of that apricot tart that doesn’t taste too bad. Well since we are not far from France, there are French bakers who work in Switzerhell here and there. I must say though I can’t believe how good the bakeries are in France and how gross the pastries and bread are in Switzerhell. But at least at this particular bakery, they are nice, and when they are friendly in Switzerhell, there is always that uncomfortable feeling, because it is more natural for them to be nasty, which I never really understood but I know well, having grown up here. The Swiss are not comfortable with who they are, not that they should be because their true selves are nothing to get excited about. But I bet you that some of the very few people who are nice deep down can’t even be left alone and are prosecuted in every way by their fellow citizens. I guess it’s hard to feel that comfort and ease living in Switzerhell then, except they don’t know that , they think their life is the best there is, and then still feel and act so awkward. What a bummer of a country…. To say the least.

　

June 11th

I was at the supermarket, waiting in line. This old man discreetly goes in front of me ( that ty’spical in Switzerhell). Usually they hope you won’t say anything, and as soon as you say something, they act stupid ( not that they aren’t..) and go back to their spot. Today this guy didn’t want to go back, he was trying to explain to me that he didn’t have any groceries. I didn’t get why he didn’t go straight to the cashier if it was just a question. He had to go in front of me, and there were two people in front of me. So I started to talk louder and tell him to go to the back of the line, or go ask a question quickly. He didn’t want to move. In a normal country like the US, other people standing in line will say something to help the situation ( I have witnessed it), but here no one opens their mouth, they stare. They probably don’t have an opinion so they can’t talk. Yes he was older than me, and we’re supposed to respect our elders.. but seriously these circumstances make me wanna grab these people and kick them like punching bags, because that’s really what they are asking for. Of course then the Swiss would call the cops when they see that I am a woman alone, they would arrest me and put me in jail! I can’t stand this place.

Earlier today I saw this older lady with 2 small dogs. I stopped for my dog and she started telling me how much crap she has to take from people. She was blaming things on ” something wrong with humanity”. I told her that these small “destroying your life things” ( that’s what she said ) are only so predominant in Switzerhell. Crime is one thing, but people bugging women until they loose it, is only in Switzerhell. She acted like she didn’t hear me when I told her it was only in Switzerhell, and kept saying that there is a problem with humanity… She said people were messing up her cars ( she had had a few over the years), breaking her windows ( of her apartment), slash her tires ( I knew it didn’t only happen to me, and it makes me feel good only thinking that my big dog wasn’t the only reason people messed with me, even if I know they mess with women who live alone). The lady also said that people killed one of her dogs and the vet killed another one by “accident”…

Welcome to Switzerland!!!

June 12th

My SIM card ( phone card that has all my numbers, pics and history) was stolen in my locker while I was at the gym. It’s probably some punk who I dared not smile back at, or didn’t acknowledge. These Swiss bastards will mess with people’s lives because of little things or just because they can…. I am SOOOOOOOO sick of this filthy part of humanity!!!

June 16th

I am still in my sublet. The owner of the apartment does not live in the building but he has his “spy” on the premises. The spy is an old man who does nothing but look around, walk around the building all day. It is not very different from other old Swiss men’s lifestyles. This rich old man ( he lives on the top floor)looks into my window in the morning without feeling ashamed. I am on the ground floor. I have to close the shutters again during the day in the bedroom because of him. So this old man walks around and has already done a few productive things… He went to cut the electricity when I was doing laundry, because even if there is no sign on the laundry door that people are not supposed to do laundry at certain times, according to these old Swiss, everyone is supposed to know that no one does laundry between 12 and 2, which is lunch time and the Swiss who all eat at the same time, don’t like to be disturbed at that time. Some of them don’t eat at that time but it has been like that for centuries, that no one is to be doing laundry at that time. In reality, in cities, there are usually signs on the laundry doors which say when it is allowed to do laundry. Most places allow the whole day non-stop until 10 pm. So this old man cut the electricity to let me know ( even if he didn’t show his face and didn’t admit doing this ) that I was not to do laundry at that time. Well I am Swiss and know that. A real foreigner would have tried to do laundry again at that time, not knowing what was up. On another day, this man put a dirty plastic bag in front of my door. I first took it and trashed it, thinking it was the wind. The second time, I put the bag on top of the mailboxes so that no one would step on it. It wasn’t mine. At night I came “home” and the bag was in front of my door again. There was no wind. I know that it was this old man, he is the only person walking around the place and doing nothing! So I put a note saying the bag wasn’t mine and thanking whoever for not putting trash in front of my door. Then the note and the bag disappeared. aside from just bugging me, he wanted to remind me that I was supposed to pick up dog ( Shiva) poop around the area. I had picked up and I always do. This man also went to the owner saying that I was taking showers with the TV on. Swiss people can’t comprehend much, less tolerate when people leave the TV on while doing something else. It is a waste of electricity and people should be punished for doing things like that. So the owner asked me if I left the TV on when I leave the place, and I asked him why he would ask such a thing. He then told me that this old man was hearing the TV and the shower at the same time. This old man would have to be behind my door to hear this. He lives upstairs and I am on the ground floor, he couldn’t hear that from his place. This man represents the old Swiss community very well. Switzerhell is a very filthy place to live unless you can really not care about these assholes at all, ever. Even if you don’t care, there is always a time when you will get upset and your life will be messed with. Very few people can ignore the Swiss and not be bothered. I remember teaching French to this Swedish wife of a Swedish guy who was working for a big international corporation, and he was really busy and didn’t give a f**** about the Swiss. I was at their house teaching his wife. There were workers building a pool in their garden. They were Swiss. I would hear them speak. I don’t think they knew I was from here, they thought I was a friend of that woman, since we would laugh during her lessons. One of them started saying that there was a problem and that they should wait for something or someone to make things right, and the boss said no and that they had to do with what they had, hoping it would “swing”. Five minutes later, the electricity went off. The workers had messed up and cut the cables by accident. The Swedish guy was working on his computer, had an online business meeting. He came downstairs and got really upset. I had to translate, as it was the first time this Swedish guy needed to have a conversation with some Swiss people. This guy was so mad, and the Swiss didn’t even apologize. They were saying that it just happened, it was an accident and that was that. They said they were trying to call an electrician who would come to fix this. This Swedish guy couldn’t believe it. This couple then left Switzerhell, 6 months later, because of all the little things that happened to them, even if they had planed on staying for 5 years. They had 2 children who were going to school.

June 20th

I must say the food in Switzerhell is not the best. When I go to the supermarket, the only thing I buy that is Swiss is milk , chocolate and some yogourt. The vegetable is often stale. The best chicken is the one imported from France. I like going to France to shop, even if with the Euro it is sometimes more expensive than in Switzerhell ( when we convert Swiss francs into Euros).

Later that day…..

This Senegalese guy who worked at the horrible hotel school I worked at, once told me that I would only be truly happy once I had no more dogs. It got to me and I thought he was a real asshole for saying that, not knowing me, and not knowing how much I care for those dogs. He is supposed to have psychic abilities, according to him and some colleagues… Well I can now see what he saw in me. He saw the other me who would come out if I have no more dogs. If I loose Shiva now I will loose all fear whatsoever and will kill as many Swiss as I can before getting caught. I have been frustrating with these people for years now. I have suffered from their hatred for me and my big dog, and their actions around that. I have taken their s*** for years with the desire to rebel or worse take action to get revenge, but haven’t acted on it, in order to stay with my dogs forever. It turns out, they not only poisoned my dog but made his life so uncomfortable. I suffered from his early death ( he was eight), I ached for a month. Then I cried for two. I went to the US, felt better, or distracted rather. I came back and was hoping I would win the Lotto to go right back to the US. I now realize that my hatred for the Swiss is at its peak. They killed my boy, one of the 2 only beings on this planet that I really care about. There is nothing about these people which I like that would make me believe that some of them are great people, because none of them are. And since I am Swiss despite my choice , I have that ugly viciousness in me that came from them. My true feelings today are that I need to kill at least one Swiss to feel better, to start to feel free. I think I am so frustrated with these Swiss people every single day that I can’t get to a point where I can start to attract what I really want. I truly feel like starting to kill at least one of the bastards that has messed with me. It would be liberating. I know it’s a dilemma to do this and get away with it because me and Shiva are bonded, there is no way in hell, heaven or anywhere in the universe that we will be separated, ever.

It’s funny because as soon as I landed in the US, I became my better self and as soon as I landed back in Switzerhell, I became my frustrated self again. I have, so many times, worked on loosing that frustration, by meeting fun guys who distract me enough for a while that I forget about it for a bit until another Swiss comes in my face with some threat and the frustration comes back, I can’t fight it. The only way to fight it is to fight back, and that would mean hurt or kill. I would like to just punch someone, and who knows I might get punched back. The problem is I know that this is not a normal country where if I as a woman punch someone, will be put in jail for too long or be put in a nut house for the rest of my life. I know I have a better me, someone who cares about people and about animals a lot. That person only comes out in the US, fully. I know it sounds silly, and some would say I have to learn to be me wherever I am. Of course I feel things for dogs and cats here too but when I look at how people treat them, I want to scream, kick, crash humans. I know other countries treat animals badly, but again, I think Switzerhell has enough money to help animals better than countries like the US even if they wanted to. But they dont have it in them.

I just talked to this old lady with her dog today. She told me she fell by the lake a few months earlier, and she asked the first 2 people who passed by to help her get up. The 2 people barely looked at her and kept on walking. I hear stories like that all the time, when I talk to women.

I am at a point where I need to fight back, to let my true happy violent self come out to ease my pain, and to start feeling free and happy. I feel then I ‘ll be able to attract what I want in life. It may not be the noble road, but it may be the only one I can take. Because now I am blocked, stuck. I have tried to work on being happy anyway, doing a lot of activities I love. It only works temporarily. I feel happy for a bit and as soon as a Swiss messes with me I fall back in the frustration because I can’t fight back, because I know that men can get away with crime and not women, so I have carried this fear, fear of doing what I want to these people, and not being able to get away. Fear. Not fear of them because I know their favorite activities are to mess up people’s lives without necessarily killing them, so they can look at the people they mess with and see them miserable. That is their favorite sport in their Swiss rich life. So I am afraid of what I can do to them. I see myself strangling them, knocking their heads with an umbrella, a dumbbell at the gym, the sticks that they walk with, etc. It is not healthy, but I am writing this to share the truth about what this whole society has made be become. Sure I have to take a hold of myself and try to evolve, alone within the filth. I have to fight. I have to realize that killing people is not what I want to do in life. I do. Liking to live alone is not an asset in Switzerhell. I am trying to get my head out of the water, but I feel what I feel for now.

I can’t pray God and truly want happy thoughts when I need to do this revenge thing first. That’s what I am thinking right now. It is not only revenge , it is something I need to do and for my sanity and happiness. I now don’t see any other way to free myself. I still do want what I want and that doesn’t include jail, so I will have to be smart. I don’t see how else to explore my dark Swiss side , to let it go once and for all. So many people need to explore their dark side. I haven’t. I was an easy going child, a mild teenager, and I thought I could find my way to being a cool adult. Instead I have this rage. Of course it is linked to my childhood, to the Swiss parents who didn’t know better. Therefore I don’t blame them. Doing good things for others would help me, and I did that when I was in the US, which helped me a lot. But in Switzerhell I am stuck, with no love left for people. Most people who help others have done bad things in the past. They feel bad and have asked for forgiveness but they needed to do it to free themselves. I kept thinking that I could bypass the step of hurting others to free me. I have never killed anyone, hurt, sent to the hospital, even knocked out, kicked in the stomach, nothing. I have grabed people by their clothes when I knew that’s all they needed to have some sense into them. I have been mean to my Shadow sometimes because I was frustrated and I needed him to be perfect and didn’t have patience. And I could kill people only because they have brought that frustration into me which made me temporarily stop loving my baby. I know that I have to cherish the ones I love. But I was angry, and when I am angry, I forget love ( silly to say but important to remember that those angry moments are a waste of life). I still have anger sometimes, but only directed at people who I don’t care for. Well if I have a big dog trying to attack a little dog or something like that, a kick is required, but only on these rare occasions. Shadow never attacked a small dog, he did a few times start a “fight” with a big dog and then couldn’t handle it. I sometimes kicked him because he started it when he was young, but I most often kicked the other dog who would start a “fight” and not stop. Dogs do get into it like kids, it’s natural. Dogs also bite sometimes, some people forget. Of course raising dogs to be friendly is the goal but if a dog bites ( not chews into pieces), it shouldn’t be the end of the world. The dog should be helped, to feel good and balanced enough in life not to have to bite. In Switzerhell, many dogs bite, but it only alarms them when it is a dog of the 13 breeds! I just hate these Swiss people for creating their Swiss environment where they hate certain breeds and have the right to insult people with such dogs. And these are not ghetto people, these are people with nice villas and much money.

I can’t stand these Swiss. I can’t even stand the foreigners who live in Switzerhell anymore, because they are or become Swiss in a way or another. I feel it’s not empty ( without a reason) hatred like the Swiss, the foreigners hate in response to the hatred they get. Every day there is an event to drive me nuts in this country: where either a man walks by me without giving room and pushing me because he can, on the street, supermarket or other places. Or, a man who stares nastily and then laughs at me when he sees I don’t like it, because he can. A guy at the gym who passes by me so close and touches me every time without saying excuse me, because he can.. A woman who stares at me in the locker’s room because I look more muscular than any of them and it’s not normal…without saying anything…Of course staring while saying something really positive to the person makes it ok, but that NEVER happens in Switzerhell. A man who gives you less change than he is supposed to when a woman pays for something, thinking it’s a woman and it’s ok to try to rip her off, and when we say something he is sorry. All those little things are heavy but not as heavy as the dirty looks on my dog…A comment on where my dog is supposed to piss or not piss on a public street. Some old man spying on me and showing me he is spying on me and the big dog, because he can….A driver driving 2 inches in the back of my car because I am a woman and he is not scared…. on and on and on…. there is not one day that these Swiss people don’t act disgustingly. The worst thing is that they pretend to do every thing right, yell at you when you say that they don’t. They call the cops on you every time they can. Sure I can ignore most of these things if they happen once a week, a month, but every day? No. Most single women accept those things. Like my mother said : it’s the price to pay if you want to live alone and be single!! and have dogs! If at least I had a great fascinating job and a great bunch of friends! But these things are impossible to find in Switzerhell! People, Swiss or who decide to live here don’t think like me. The only people I can talk to on a regular basis are foreigners who don’t speak French, who just arrived.

Anyway it’s not a dead end, it is a place I know I hate. There is a country in this world I know I hate. Well it’s more than I can say for people who live in one place all their lives and don’t know if they would love or hate living in other countries. So I should feel privileged. Why do I not? I know there is a place I like to live in, the US, and especially some places in particular in the US. I know the US is not paradise. There are many evil people ( who have issues they haven’t been able to resolve) like anywhere else. The way I feel today: I understand and feel for people who kill others for specific reasons, because I know how life can lead us there, through one painful path or another. People who hurt animals I can’t understand though. People often put their frustration which they can’t put on people, on animals, but it’s a transfer on creatures that did nothing to these humans. I got upset a few times at how he behaved, at how he didn’t listen perfectly and didn’t obey when he knew what he had to do, but I would never hurt an animal just to hurt an animal. Some people do that, all over the world. That, I hate with a passion. I know the US is not a perfect society yet, but people are always trying to make life better, in one way or another. In Switzerhell they work hard on trying to keep things the way they have been for centuries. It’s objectively a country I don’t like as well.

On Swiss news they talk about how much rape there is in other countries, like South Africa and Congo. They never talk about rape in Switzerhell ( once a year when the story is known by a whole city already). They don’t talk about the fact that women are raped all the time but don’t file complaints because women have been taught that if they provoked the guy a little, then it’s their fault. If it’s their boyfriend or husband, they also know that they shouldn’t complain.

June 23rd

I believe yesterday was the first time I actually did something with my mind power. Usually and for the last 5, 6 years ( not so much when I am in the US), I have had bad period pain. I have gone to the emergency room twice in my life because of that pain, when I forgot to bring a painkiller pill with me and the pain went to a level of horror. I usually take at least one pill at the very beginning of my period, and then I feel it out if I need another one the next day or not. The first day is usually the killer, as far as the level of pain. Well yesterday as I saw the first drop of blood, I thought if I want to make my life happen, if I want to attract the things I really want in this life, I have to start with little things. I thought if I can’t stop my period pain, how am I going to win the Lotto? So I had the pill with me but left the apartment without taking it. I thought about my period being soothing. I thought and focused on it. Well for the first time in Switzerhell, I didn’t take my pain pill and I was fine. I even went to the gym and even if I didn’t push myself, I worked out and was fine. I did it!

Then last night, I had a dream, the dream that I had made my Shadow come back. He was back! I had done that too! Well that’s not reality yet, but anyway I want to wait until Shiva and I are in the US to make Shadow come back because he, like me, hates Switzerhell! Shiva is the only great loving soul that loves it everywhere, as long as I am there. It’s not that everyone likes him in Switzerhell. Many people don’t even see him. Many people don’t like dogs or don’t care about them. In the US, we were there for 10 days and so many people would say how cute Shiva is, or at least say hi to the doggy . Here it never happens. In Switzerhell I once every blue moon will meet an old lady who wants to pet him or who says he is cute.

Anyway I feel I made my powers work over events today. Well my own body I guess is the easiest because it’s mine. Now I have to make outside circumstances happen!

June 26th

It is amazing how these Swiss people don’t think a woman can do anything, how un-scared they are of a woman, and how incapable they think a woman is. I am here in a new town renting an apartment, short term. An old man rented it out to me, and he has an old man in the building, his spy who I found out has the key as well: going in my apartment when I am not there. Having a dog I can tell when we come back in. He smells the floor in a certain way when someone has come by. I sometimes put little scotch tape on the floor. Well I have a bunch of little things like that that I had thought of when I lived in that vicious village where the concierge used to come in my apartment. So I know how to find out if someone came in. The old Swiss comes in to find out info, look around, not to steal. They come in, move a few things around to show you they were in, because most of the time they don’t have a clue that the little things they step on like scotch tape is there for me to find out if they were there. They close a window, or open one. They want me ( or others) to know they were there, but they also know that since they didn’t take anything, nor break anything, I can’t go to the cops because I have no real proof. And God knows that the cops would need real big concrete proof for a woman to file a complaint about someone who came in her apartment. I know this French woman who lived alone in Switzerhell. She got robbed. They came in through the window that they broke. They stole a lot of musical and IT equipment, money and official papers. The cops didn’t believe her, and said she broke the window herself to make her insurance company pay for new stuff. I know some people try to do that. I know that she wasn’t lying. The cops didn’t allow her to file the complaint and never got any money from her insurance.

Last night I had a friend over, and we were talking on the balcony. He was saying that he wanted to go clubbing. I told him that I don’t go clubbing because there was too much smoke all around. I hadn’t smelled smoke on the balcony, but today the old man next door smokes his pipe and cigars on his balcony. Now that he heard and knows I dislike smoke, I guess he will do it everyday. The couple next door had been living there for years, so it was not like they just moved in. The man just never smoke on the balcony before. Since it is summer, I am on the balcony every afternoon. This man is unique in his scum ways. When I lived in the rotten village of hell, my neighbors would also smoke profusely right outside their windows when they found out that I couldn’t stand it. These are not mere patterns of one or two morons, but of the whole Swiss filthy population. You could say people like to smoke near their windows sometimes because someone in their household doesn’t like it, or, they just don’t want to infest their apartment. Sure, but there is a difference with a light smell that flows to my place and the smoke that is constantly coming in my direction. When it is summer, one needs to have windows open. When I lived in that rotten village I was living in a studio so I only had one window.

July 3rd

Switzerhell is a fiend. Switzerhell has the largest amount of fiends per kilometer, per mile, per square inch. The more I live here the more I can’t believe this country exists. I have lived in various apartments in Switzerhell, and everywhere I go, people mess with me. I know it’s not only me, but women who live alone, mostly, some weak men, some foreigners. I have ben working on not hating this place and its people, because I have realized ( well Robert Collier and some other writers have helped) that hating is giving too much energy to these people. So I insist on not hating, but ignoring or disliking, but it is work in progress.

If you live in the US, you probably think there are lots of crooks and criminals around and that life is tough because you never know where and who those people are. Well imagine for a second that most people and I mean almost all people around are those criminals. They might not all kill people every day, and they might be very discreet but messing with women’s lives( and its not just me : I am talking to more and more young and old women who suffer in society) or whoever they can mess with. No matter the reason, whether it is to show how strong they are ( as frustrated idiot citizens or as men), or how much they can get away with, in their country. I find it disgusting that so much hate and backstabbing goes on in this small rich country. I can understand crime, theft to feed the families in poor countries. Some countries in Africa like Senegal and Guinea for example, may be poorer than Switzerhell but humanly, they are richer and more evolved, more civilized, more respectful.

Even if most foreign men who move to Switzerhell enjoy the fact that they have a lot of rights over women, like raping them if they get to the point where people have seen them together enough to say they are dating, or staring at women everywhere and saying whatever comes to their mind, or harassing them and bullying them in every way, etc. A lot of men are glad to live in Switzerhell for that little luxury. The cops won’t hurt them or arrest them nor will they have any gang that protects a woman that will retaliate on their butt. So life is good for men. Being American in my heart, I appreciate the laws that make sense to me there ( well most of them). Having to live here in Switzerhell where it is the only place that I’m allowed to work, is difficult, mostly these men’s crap on an everyday basis. Women I know here including my mother laugh about the fact that men hate having a woman drive properly or drive faster than them. They also say that women can’t drive. It makes most Swiss women laugh. I can’t laugh about those things. I can’t stand the men. How can they laugh when men cut them off or drive really close to them and put them in danger. Swiss women also think that men drive so well that they have total control over their vehicle! Switzerhell is the only place where I listen to hardcore rap and feel great with it. When I am in the US I don’t feel the need to listen to aggressive hardcore rap. I’ll always like some good rap or hip hop. I guess being Swiss, the stuff about calling women bitches is not really a big deal compared to how women are actually treated in Swiss society. This treatment hides behind a ” we are a modern nation like Northern America and other countries in Europe where women have rights”. The laws might say this and that. But most women who are or live alone in Switzerhell know the laws are a bunch of crap, when it comes to women.

I am at the point where I wonder if I can win anything in life anymore because I am so fed up with living in this crap country and have built so much hatred in me that I feel contaminated. I know I want great things to happen to me, but I don’t know if I have it in me to desire those things more than appeasing my urges to kill those bastards. I pray to God that I can desire great things and make them happen instead of being left in this hell hole and doing the only thing I have to do to survive and to feel better. I will not let these people destroy me completely. But I am still young and if I could only attract great things to me, be able to get out of this country forever. There is hope for me. I know I don’t need therapy, because I am just very sensitive and deal with things in my own stubborn way. I anyway don’t believe in old-school psychology. I think it is time to evolve and drop the old books. In Switzerhell there is a saying that says that women all have a tendency to go crazy, unstable, psychologically sick, while men are always stable in their heads…

I have to say thank you to the American women in the past who have fought for women’s rights, not only in the law books but in real life situations. Thank you. Thank you that there is such a place. I know a few other countries are like that. I just focus on the US because it’s the place I like and I know best , outside of Switzerhell.

I have heard many Africans tell me ( I know Senegal for sure) that women in their country are respected and have power in everyday life. I think there is the issue of men feeling that they are men enough not to have to bully women. Swiss are always scared that women get too many rights that they make sure they keep them down, both in society and in their heads. Swiss men are not men enough. They have to prove to others and themselves that they are stronger than women.

July 7th

The 7/7. July 7th. Seven was one of Shadow’s tattooed numbers in his ear. There also is a huge jackpot at the Cal Lottery Megamillions tonight. I have a ticket. I had bought a two month ticket when I was in the US. Who am I to dream of such a big piece of luck? That’s the thing most people would think and which was ingrained in me as well. I am trying to fight or let go ; do whatever to start believing that I can win, because deep down I know I can, but I have to believe, because I don’t yet. I hope, I dream but it’s in my dream world, far away from this reality. I know it’s a crazy thought to win over the amazing odds, but it is not impossible, and that makes me feel good. The thing is I have to believe instead of just having these game hopes as a “feel better medicine”. I want it to appear in my life.

July 8th

I found a studio in Lausanne… The city I was born in…I have this vision of this month being some kind of closure on my years in Switzerhell. If events work out my way, then I could leave this country forever and never ever miss it! Anyway the noise we hear in this building! I hear the neighbors cough, barf…and in the morning, the one who takes a shower at 5:30 AM is taking a shower about 2 inches from my face, in bed… I hear the water run as if it was touching my head. Every time she or he puts the shower head on the side of the tub, it sounds like the wall is caving in … It’s absolutely marvelous… I have a view on the parking lot of the next building. There is always some dude who sits in his car, or works on the beauty of his car for hours in front of my balcony. After all it’s all about the image. Since other people can see the inside and outside of their car, they want to keep it really clean. The inside of their apartment or the inside of their souls are not that clean! I know people all over the world are not perfect but most of them don’t pretend to be, and the Swiss do! The Swiss hold that perfect image among themselves and in the world. Many countries think that Switzerhell is not only really clean and beautiful , but that people are perfect in many ways as well, when in reality they are filthier than the dirtiest people you can think of.

　

June 12th

Last night, I went to a music festival where I wanted to see 50 cent. An American friend of mine and I went there. We saw 2 other bands/ singers and then 50. An hour before 50 cent came on stage, as the crew was setting up, the young Swiss crowd that was arriving to see 50, started pushing like crazy, wanting to be in the front. It went on for a whole hour. These animals ( has nothing to do with the fact that 50 cent attracts an aggressive crowd. These kids are mostly rich white kids who live in nice homes or apartments and are considered average students) were pushing and making everyone fall, fall off balance, step on each other’s feet, punch each other with elbows ( on purpose or not), etc. There was no security aside from an old man watching this whole scene from the stage, not saying a word, not doing a thing. I presume just watching for the future need to call the ambulance ( they did have to bring a few kids to the on-site medical center a few times). The thing is it’s not because the Swiss are such big fans of 50 cent, and that they get all emotional. They don’t. Gangster rap just brings out a violent side in these idiot Swiss young men, who don’t really know where their violence comes from. They just long to control everything, and as the same time, they have never learned to live and interact in society properly. They have learned to have fear of certain people and to bully others, just like any Swiss. It is just not in the Swiss culture . Swiss culture will only teach their kids to eat with their knives and forks, and in good families they learn not to burp, spit or fart in public! That’s it. Security was not telling people to stop hurting the weaker of the crowd by pushing like crazy in all directions. It was an hour of nightmare before 50 came on, and then it went on during the whole 2 and a half hour concert! I couldn’t believe how these kids couldn’t enjoy the concert at all. They only wanted to push, and push and push. Basically all the bigger guys had made their way to the front. This was mostly a white Swiss crowd with a couple of Africans here and there. So the taller guys got to the front. A few guys had a girl with them, but otherwise, it was all guys. The taller bigger guys in the front, and everyone in the back of them couldn’t see a thing. This pushing around circus was very serious too, no one would crack a joke, a smile nor try to feel the music or dance . I saw 50 cent a few times in between 2 tall men’s heads, as I was shuffled from side to side in the crowd, trying to keep my feet in the crowd, and not having people step on my feet. I had worn open shoes and so many people stepped on my feet, I should have worn military boots. I have been to hip hop concerts in the US, and it wasn’t like this! In smart civilized nations, if security doesn’t monitor the crowd, people will at some point stop pushing around so much to maybe enjoy the concert a bit, dance a little to the great music they came to see…. The Swiss are a bunch of brainless 2 legged-beings who always push and create insane human packs. It is the same when people go to the movies. Unless the theatre has narrow ropes to keep people in line, people gather in a big bunch, pushing into the doorway to get through the door before Joe or Jack…. At the post office, they had to create a system of take-a-number so that people would not push and step in front of other people. It is mainly to keep idiots from pushing an old lady just to get to the booth before her. Everywhere people have to stand in line, people push like a big pack of hungry dogs going for their food. And actual dogs will be more organized… At the supermarket, they have these really narrow lines so people can’t push and step in front of the other , even if they still manage to do it. Really, fat people can’t even walk through these areas. I don’t see how they can shop. When at the supermarket, a new cahier opens up, people will run and push to get there first.

Do you now realize how civilized the US of A is? People lining up properly for everything is a small thing but it adds to a greater quality of life!

Friday night I went to a festival, just walking around, seeing all the street performers. The prices on the items that they sell ( clothing, gadgets, etc) are so overpriced, it’s laughable ( Switzerhell is overpriced as it is, and that stuff is tripled!). I saw this magicien, from the US. He was telling me how the Swiss have that “cattle mentality”: when he has a crowd watching him , and one or two leave, then 10 people will leave as well. When one claps, they all clap. If one laughs, they all dare to laugh.

July 15th

Yesterday I went food shopping and I lost a salad on the way to the car. I thought the one and only thing we could count on in Switzerhell was that there was not too much petty crime like stealing small useful things like gloves, hats, but someone stole my salad. I walked back and it was gone. Ok, maybe it dropped out of one of my bags , but there were people everywhere ( not overly crowded though) so surely someone saw the salad drop. Would someone tell me I dropped something? Never. Sometimes, you can hope that the item will still be there, a minute later, but never will someone tell you that you dropped something. You also have to be careful at the supermarket, because no one packs your groceries in Switzerhell. You have to do it yourself. Sometimes, the next person in line or the person before you will steal items from your side of groceries, once you’ve paid. When you have a lot of groceries, you’re packing and can’t look everywhere. So either you “protect” your food and have a hard time giving money to the cashier person because she or he is kind of far, or you wait to pay and take the risk that someone could take an item of your foods. I have had it happen to me several times. Most of the time, they are not people who need the food, but just pricks who want to “get you” in some way. In any case, every single day I live in Switzerhell, the country seems to be lamer and lamer. The more I am here the more I go to the tourist places so that I know that at least I get the cleanness and there is security to protect the great Swiss image for foreigners!

Two weeks ago I was talking to this 80 year old lady on the street who had a dog, Swiss German lady who had had a business in Geneva for 15 years and was now retired. She was telling me that as a woman alone, I should have a gun. I thought it was funny and cute when she said it, but I realize that not only do the Swiss soldiers have their weapons at home, which mean all men since all have to go to the military service at least once in their life, but people are used to having guns at home. The way she asked me if I have a gun and when I said no, the way she told me I should have one seemed s natural. You can buy guns at the store: all you have to do is show ID. You can buy guns through ads some newspapers where individuals advertise the sale of their weapons. I also now realize that the only reason why I am still alive after having lived in an isolated chalet is because I once told this guy who knows everyone, that I have a gun and that I wouldn’t be afraid to use it, need be. I had told him that after I had had many conversations with him and thought he was my friend, only to find out, he told me that I was leading him on. Plus another good defense mechanisms I have had for years is to pretend I am a real retard. People leave me alone a bit more. They put poison in my yard but they all wished they could have gotten me poisoned with it too! They killed my dog, and I will never ever forgive them for that. The Swiss are viscious, they have stopped me from being me, from doing things, from being happy, but the one and only thing I will never forgive them for is killing my dog.

When I was little, the Swiss always stopped my motivation for anything that was out of the ordinary. They always tried to break up my joy when I came back from the US and I was acting really happy, laughing all the time. It bugged them and they did anything to break my fun. That’s who they are. But all that stuff, when I would go back to the US, I would forget about. I knew that they were lame and had no soul and I would not care about them and always thought they couldn’t really break me for real. Well they haven’t because I will win. I will go to the US to live, and I will bring my Shadow back to life. But the hurt that they inflicted on my big boy, me and Shiva, I will not ever forget nor forgive. I know it’s bad for me to hold a grudge. I know we are supposed to forgive to feel good in life. I forgive my mother for all the little and bigger things she has done to me, but I won’t forgive the Swiss. I am stubborn as hell. And I am currently working on how to make it work for me, where I can hold that grudge in the air, with at the same time make myself feel good and grow. I am working extra hard but I am doing it. But I am working on it. I can do it because I want to do it!

About politics, the Swiss government is officially talking to the Hamas, group that some other nations refuse to talk to. The Swiss government also, has given visas to people from the Hamas. Isn’t that funny? Just reminded me how the Swiss TV station interviewed the brother of bin Laden ( the terrorist), in his apartment in Geneva in 2001, asking him very polite questions, not daring to ask any direct questions to find out where the brother was. At least now Switzerhell can’t go under the heading of: “neutral” anymore. Not that it’s ever been, but before it thought it could get away with that title, and it did actually for years. It is a very corrupted country and it will come to light. It’s just taking forever. I don’t even know why they are saying openly that they are conversing with the Hamas, if they wanted to keep their neutrality.

On top of that, these days, the Swiss government is announcing that they are refusing to receive the Dalai Lama officially. Someone from the government might talk to him and accept him in the country for a day or so, but Switzerhell wants to show China that they are not taking part in welcoming the Dalai Lama this year. The Hamas, but not the Dalai Lama! I am not surprised at all! I am just surprised it is out in the open even if saying these facts is not a huge big deal. Or not yet.

July 16th

I was wondering if there is a God, how come do scumbags get to live peaceful lives? And get to live with money and comfort? Why do these filthy individuals get to live? I know they are all over the world but they gather in Switzerhell like crazy. The rich f***heads who beat women, don’t let them do anything. Oh I know , you’re gona say: “come on women can do anything in Switzerland!” You obviously don’t know the country. They have the right to go to school, university and all kinds of school, well unless the schools are to learn a man’s job. Woo let’s throw a party, women get to go to go to most schools! But after that, as married women, they still obey their husbands, if not because that’s how it is, then because the man makes more money than the woman. Yes if a man and a woman take the same job, women make a lot less in Switzerhell. So it is very rare that a woman makes more than her husband. Men can’t even stand it when a woman passes him on the highway! I pass men drivers sometimes and I observe, I watch them. If they noticed I was a woman, they will always come back faster and pass me again. Of course I could ignore this crap. You know men are like that all over the world, but I can tell you that Switzerhell is worse than the latin countries in Europe like Italy and Spain where the men are known to be macho. Men get angry in a frustrated way in Switzerhell which makes it sicker and more dangerous. The Swiss press now even admits having a super high number of men murdering their wives in their house. Their wife will get on his nerve and not do what he told her to, or not agree with something that she did and it will escalate really fast. Women have told me and I have seen arguments between men and their wives. The guy gets physical right away. I had a glimpse when I got strangled by this guy who works at the gym , who when I started punching him lightly to joke around ( I am used to doing that with tons of guys in the US , for fun, and they punch me back with just a bit more strength but that’s it), he didn’t appreciate the joke at all and he had to not only put me to the ground which I thought was enough, to show me his power. It was violent but I could take it. But his true nature got the best of him and he had to keep going and squeeze my throat really hard until I had this ” stop I am going to die” feeling. Once he saw that in my eyes, he let go. The inimaginable filth that goes on in these men’s heads, to have the need to show that they are stronger than women. And the Swiss, unlike other nations who have men that fight between themselves a lot, only act violently against women. Men scare them a bit so they don’t take the chance. They are pussies, some would say. That’s a fact, but frustrated pussies, which makes them even more dangerous. I am not saying I am much better, because I am frustrated myself, but I am not hitting people who are weaker than me. I wouldn’t get away with it as they do anyway. And I also know how dangerous they are, when they get frustrated, when their woman, for example tells them that they are worthless, or puts them down. Some women have the guts to tell them. They might get beaten afterwards, but they sometimes can’t help telling them the truth. Swiss men don’t really fight against each other. Swiss don’t have the temper of some other peoples, like the latin crowds who will explode verbally first, then maybe physically with a punch or two, and then calm down, and feel ok. The Swiss are sick. My new theory is that they are all psychopaths and don’t know it. There are many men who are engineers, doctors or CEO, who are well respected in society, and beat their women like drunken fools at home. Their wives know that no one will believe them if they told anyone. They have had this Christian mentality for centuries where things have to be done a certain way otherwise people need to be punished, and that goes for little things the wives does wrong. They won’t tolerate their neighbors parking at the wrong spot or putting their garbage in the bin at a certain time. They have no tolerance for anything basically. Their hypocrisy of being good people is what makes me sick the most though. They say it to the world, to their neighbors and friends, how perfect they are. I want to puke, more and more. I am not even going to start with all the money scams in this country! Ruining lives is their favorite pass-time. No Swiss has enough of a life not to mess with others’. Minding their own business is not in any Swiss language! The percentage of filthy minds in this country is so high that I frankly don’t think any country can top it. They always say they are the best, well that would be the only thing at which they are good at: Having a super high percentage of filthy people in their country. Mostly Swiss of course, but the foreigners who come here and like it have the nature of the Swiss or become it later.

Today I am sick, with a cold, fever and whatever. I am not surprised I get sick in Switzerhell, because I am literally sick of these people. I can’t complain for being sick. I feel like I am in-sync with myself. It makes it easier to live in Switzerhell when I am sick actually. I feel a bit dizzy and drowsy, and it makes this filthy reality drift away just a tad. I never got sick once when Shadow was alive.

Little things I really love in this country too: When I go to the store and ask if they have an item, product, they respond: ” not at all!”. Yes it is the translation but it means what it means. They are happy to say they can’t help you. They won’t say: ” no but we have this or that”, ever! It is quite surprising how much sales skills these people have! And it is a country that earns great money from tourism? Well, when foreigners ask for something in a store, they simply repeat: No, no , no. they know that not at all won’t be understood but they have to stress the No three times. They like to say no. They like to make people unhappy. If they had it their way, they would be just nice enough to tourists to get their money and then insult them. They do criticize the tourists who feed their families, when they ‘re gone. Criticizing others is their favorite topic of conversation and the only one about which they can talk for hours.

　

　

July 17th

I am unemployed and recieve a little bit of money from the unemployment office, about 2700.- francs a month. My duty is to send out many cv and letters, and I do. The amount of letters that I send is huge and I get no positive response. I don’t really care because I am not made for this country and as long as I get this bit of money to survive on, I am ok with all this rejection. But when I think about it for a minute, when I go around businesses and know of the low quality of the workers, not only are they not motivated but they can’t think for themselves. Half of the jobs I apply for , they should take me. Really I am being very realistic. This country has a very low quality human workforce. The high position jobs are mostly taken by foreigners. I am not looking to be a doctor’s assistant, nor a lawyer ( even if I was destined to be one when I was still in secondary school), but I am looking for a receptionist job, or anything that needs someone who speaks English well. Most international companies which have their headquarters here, hire receptionists and assistants who can’t speak English properly. This way their employees who come from all around the world, don’t feel like their English is bad. I was working briefly at the reception at a huge car company headquarters, as a receptionist and security agent, and hearing all these people all around speaking horrible English, and then treat me like I was some kind of “just a receptionist”, even if I was doing their security as well… was just disgusting. How can they work without speaking a language properly? It beats me. You can see older men , Swiss, or from other European countries, who have senior position and have been working in these multinational companies for years, and they still don’t speak English properly! They are bosses so no one dares tell them to take a few classes, to get a teacher to perfect either their grammar or their pronunciation. It’s sad. The anglophones I know have to train their ears to be able to work with and understand the horrible English that is being spoken. It is not just the accent which is sometimes very hard to understand, but the way they put words together in a sentence.

I have never been a fan of old men in Switzerhell, because ever since I was little, they were the ones I knew could get away with murder. I have also never come across one who was interesting, funny or had knowledge to share, aside from the knowledge they want people like me to get, such as living exactly the way they want me to. The retired ones spend their days staring at people and their schedule, what they do or don’t do. I am so glad I lived in the US, otherwise I’d hate old men with a passion. However I know it’s just old men in Switzerhell. In the US I have come across old men who were funny, knew a lot about a lot of things and were always willing to share something. Some were crazy because they had weird passion or interests. But very few were as dull and as vicious ( =evil) as Swiss old men. Africans always tell me I am supposed to respect my elders, but frankly I can do it in any other nation except Switzerhell!

July 18th

I had been looking for a job in a health club when I first got back from the US 4 years ago, and none of them had wanted to hire me. I had sent CV’s to all the clubs in the French part of Switzerhell. I know people don’t want older instructors who have done too much in the US because everyone here is always so jealous of the US. They might hire an American person now and then to have “the real thing” as they say, but not someone like me. That is true, and I thought that was the only reason. I have just found out however that someone has spread the word not to hire me anywhere. The person I found out from wasn’t sure who had spread the rumor, or pretended not to know. I am trying to find out but since I don’t have real allies in this country ( yes because unlike these fools I decide not to be hypocritical). In the past 4 years I have worked out on my own. I don’t like these Swiss people as it is and it would be a gigantic pain for me to have to mingle with them. However when I first got back, I was full of good intentions. Anyway I have not been able to figure out who has spread the rumor. This really young guy who is new and works at the reception where I work out, told me his boss had said I was going to ask for a job since I am unemployed ( yes they found that out too). So the rumor, according to me could have been started by a couple of Swiss f***s I can think of: A professional bodybuilder I used to know and because I was not licking his feet like most women, he held a grudge against me. This guy now sells products to all health clubs around the country. It could also be an old owner of the worst health club in the French part, who I worked for 18 years ago. He didn’t remember me, so he said I never worked for him. I was subbing at the time for one of his pregnant instructors. I worked there for 5 months. He may have paid me under the table, I don’t remember. In any case, he said I was lying on my CV, that I had never worked there. So a few gyms had called to ask about me when I was looking for a job, and he told them I never worked for him.

July 20th

I am walking my dog in the woods in Lausanne, and I see old people walking without dogs. They look at any dog with a nasty look that tells they’re afraid of what the dog could do to their dog, because in Switzerhell it’s all about the negative, focus on the worst thing that the dog could do. The dogs I have seen around here are small to medium breeds. So these people, they want to walk in the woods, in nature but they don’t want dogs around! They probably don’t want to see any animal except the really scared ones that run away ( rightfully so) as soon as they see humans. At one point this kid on one of those scooter thingy runs into this old lady. The kid doesn’t even say sorry. It doesn’t even dawn on them that kids could hurt them too, either by accident or not… Anyway, as a general rule, the people I remember being the most hateful and afraid of my big dog were not children , nor old ladies , but rather middle age men and women , and of course old men.

The funny thing is with foreigners who have lived here for a long time, they are Swiss in every sense of the term but won’t admit it. They hate “those dogs” just like the Swiss and will call the cops when a pitbull is out without a muzzle , and they will scream out insults just like the Swiss, but if you talk to them without a dog, you can find out great info: They will tell you that they are Swiss despite themselves ( whatever their first nationality is), and they will agree with you on every criticism and hateful comment you have on the Swiss. But they do agree with the Swiss on the muzzle laws against certain dogs. So then you tell them that in their country of origin, there is no muzzle law against any breeds of dog. All of a sudden, they will tell you either that the government is working on a law, or that the cops do a better job in their country of origin, or that there aren’t as many dogs of “those breeds”, or dumb-ass excuses like “back home dogs are well trained or are kept in a yard”. They of course think their country of origin does everything great. And if the cops come around for x and y reason, all of a sudden they are Swiss! Lol. Truth is these people have been living here for so long that they have adopted the way of life and they act like the Swiss, but they still insist on hating Switzerhell. It’s almost like some young Swiss men and women who go abroad, US, Canada, Australia, China, India, whatever interesting country, for a semester , an exchange program, or to work for a while. They come back and start hating Switzerhell because they compare lifestyles, but deep down they know that their brains are Swiss and that they could not survive anywhere else. It’s actually my worst fear : that even if on a good day, I can tell you that no matter what I will go back to the US and find a way to immigrate, and on a not-so-good day, I am afraid I am cursed , having been born on this land, and will be stuck here forever. I know that these f***ing Swiss have f***ed with my life every minute I lived in Switzerhell, and have built a mountain of hatred in me that could make me kill, and then I guess potentially go to jail, meaning I would end my life in Switzerhell. I know that I have dreams, but I am broke and from all my dreams there is not one that doesn’t require money. I also know that I don’t have a career, or enough education to get a good paying job. I have faith and hope the money will come, one way or another. But some days I feel like those idiots who have been abroad ( usually just a year or two), and hate Switzerhell but somehow stay here forever because they get a job, an apartment, and life goes by really fast when you’re stupid. And living in Switzerhell doesn’t make you smart! The only way not to turn stupid by living among these idiots, is to work all day away from all Swiss, come home late at night, and do that, every single day of the week. I have a friend from the US who does research here, and that’s what he does, work work work. He doesn’t have to see, talk to a Swiss during 5 days in a row, sometimes 6. On his day (s) off, he’ll shop and think it’s funny how those people behave sometimes…

July 21rst

Two days ago this 28 year old American woman came to the Bern area to do some rafting. She like most people trusted the Swiss as far as equipment that they would use, security and so on. Well she died. The Swiss put it on the news because her friends who are still alive have already talked to the American press. On the news they even admitted that they are still “investigating” on why and how she died in that river, since she didn’t go rafting alone, she was with a group…

This morning, I was talking to this Swiss man who walked towards me with his friendly dog ( I’ll talk to anyone who comes to me with a friendly dog, especially when I have Shiva with me). He was in the mood to talk. So he was talking about everything. I tried to stay on the dogs subject. When I told him my big dog died of having been poisoned, he confirmed that many dogs survive being poisoned. He is right, and it brought back many many hateful feelings. I trusted the vet when he said it was too late, that he couldn’t do anything… Since I don’t know who poisoned him, it’s even worse for me not to hate every possible person. Then , this man talked about Aids being a cancer, and the possibility that people have, to get it without any relations, and then he said cancer is contagious. I am not a doctor nor am I a health specialist but that stuff was far out. This guy is Swiss so nothing surprises me , coming out of their mouths. But then, I brought him back on the dog subject and I mentioned the fear and hatred that people have against the 13 breeds. He started saying that most people who are overly scared are foreigners like Africans, Arabs, etc. I tried to jump in and say that no, foreigners of color had ever thrown insults at me when I had my dog. Some might have been really afraid, but I never heard a comment, an insult or seen them taking action against my dog. He didn’t want to hear it. He said that the Swiss were adjusting to the foreigners and were now scared of dogs, but 50 years back, the Swiss weren’t afraid of dogs… Woaoo that’s a theory I had never heard and that is totally wrong. The only tiny tiny bit of that that is right is that fact that people were not supposed to show their hatred before, as now, kids are a bit more allowed to show feelings in public because thanks to the international influence, they see that showing feelings is not such a bad things for children… This man also said that “those” foreigners ( it’s like “those breeds”) see dogs as cadavre eaters, because in their own countries, they use dogs to eat cadavres. Well, even if that happens in very few parts of the world, this guy is not only racist but got his facts totally wrong! His dog was a young friendly dog. Shiva didn’t like him too much though. His dog liked me a lot. Apparently he likes a lot of women, as the owner said. He was humping my arm…With a friendly smile on his doggy face.

Later on in the day: I got yet another parking ticket on my car. The reason was that my disc was no longer valid. There is a disc system here in Switzerhell where you set the time on your disc which the time at which you arrive, and then you’re allowed to stay for an hour after that. It may sound great but first of all cops run the streets all the time and if you make a mistake on your arrival time (for example you set a forward time) or you come to turn your disc , you get a 40.-francs ticket. Anyway, after having used this disc for 3 years because that’s the disc that was in my car, I get another 40.-francs ticket saying that my disc is no loner valid! I didn’t know discs had changed form and the funny thing is no one tells you anything in this country!! Cops don’t tell you, people don’t tell you. You can go for years without knowing a particular thing and people will look and smile, laugh even, but no one will tell you, in fear of helping!!!!

　

July 22nd

I got my period and I am doing the celebration dance around the fire! It’s good not to be pregnant! The joys of blood! I like to see red when the time is right! My period bring me pain, but with the pain killers, I am grateful not to have gotten pregnant by this guy who I had fun with one night ( it had been a while!). Sometimes, I am so longing for that connection with a man, that great love connection….. and even if most of the times sex is not worth getting undressed…for me anyway very few men have given me real pleasure. Well despite all that, I always long for that connection so much that whenever I meet someone with whom I get along and I feel a spark ( its rare), then I start “feeling” that not only could he be the one, but he could give me great immense pleasure…. Well… not there yet woman! I have again been fooled by my own sexual desires… Sex was not good and then I start wondering why I even liked him in the first place… The personality starts to fade as well. I am not sure if bad sex kills a personality but I think rather that when sexual desire meets a longing for real love, then a man’s personality can appear to be really exciting…

Oh well at least he was not Swiss. I have never fallen that low because of my sexual desires… My very first boyfriend back in the days was Italian, full blood, with a Swiss passport. It wasn’t his fault, he was young when his parents immigrated. Like it’s not my fault I have got a red passport with a white cross! I was thinking, maybe my past life wasn’t too long ago, and I was one of those foreigners that was admiring Switzerhell from afar and wishing I was from there…. Now I know better!

　

One thing that makes me furious is when I hear foreign men who have lived in Switzerhell for short periods of time and say that it is extremely safe here. They don’t know and don’t care about unreported crime, and they go by what they see, quiet people, no crime on the news… They live and work here and don’t care to know that tons of Swiss and foreign women are raped every day and none of it ever hits the news or the police station for that matter.

Later at night: I usually mind my own business, but now that I live in a “city”, and I only have Shiva who wants to walk really slow and smell all the scents everywhere, I tend to linger, and look around. I heard this small dog barking as we were passing by his balcony ( 2nd floor), and I would usually just keep walking, but I looked up. It was an old Pekinese. A brown furry dog with grey hair ( old age) around his nose. He didn’t bark much, didn’t seem to have much energy. He had his head down to the ground so he could see us in the narrow opening under the balcony wall. I then realized that the door to the inside was closed. I had heard many stories of dogs being left alone balconies all day, in Switzerhell and France, in poor neighborhoods, in the US even ( not for long because someone will either complain or call animal control). In France if the owner of the dog is a man not to be messed with, no one will complain about the dog. Here in Switzerhell no on cares about the welfare of dogs, and if there is a man in the family who lives there, and the dog doesn’t bark excessively, no one will say anything for sure. I wish more single women were the ones leaving their dogs alone on the balcony so people would complain, bug her, etc. But single women are no the ones who like to leave their dog on the balcony. Anyway, tonight I saw this poor old dog stuck on that small balcony. These people live in nice apartments. In all Lausanne, even the ugliest apartment buildings have nice big apartments inside. Most studios have no balcony. These Swiss ( or other origins) people make good money. If you go their home, they all have a lot of comfort in there. Well yes it is a rich country. People will feel poor when they can’t keep up with maintaining their expensive cars or boats. I am poor but that’s because I very rarely work full-time and I have no career.

So these Swiss people live comfortably and they can’t even take care of their dogs! That gets to me. I can’t stand it that a rich country which actually has a lot of dogs, and most of them are mistreated or killed in the middle of their life, by cops, shelters, owners, cars, etc… I walked by that apartment again on the way back from my walk an hour later and that poor dog was still there. I am going to go by there regularly and look, from now on. If the dog is always on the balcony, I will have to steal it to save it, because there is no one I can call that will do anything, as usual. Just like for everything, as a woman…You can call, and I have along the years. I called cops for many reasons, called the equivalence of the ASPCA for several cases and other women organizations when I needed help. But not any of those would or could help. Some said they were sorry they couldn’t help…..

July 23rd

Today’s headlines on one of the papers: ” fat dead people in their coffin are too heavy for workers to carry”. In the 2 small free newspapers, you can read a lot ( not all) about petty crimes but they keep those for small articles no headlines… You can read about crimes such as foreigners robbing houses, mugging people, killing people, and you can hear about (thank god) a few husbands killing their wives. What you still won’t read about are the mafia murders, and I am not talking about the Italian mafia or other countries’ crime organizations, but I am talking about people who kill others deliberately, viciously. Serial killers. When you know the amount of mentally sick people in Switzerhell ( the obvious number at least ), and you hear stories of serial killers in France, Italy, Germany. Somehow the serial killers don’t know how to cross the border and come to Switzerhell, according to the press! I remember this one time when a serial killer had killed a journalist and after that somehow(!) the story came to light, and the Swiss police said: ” We didn’t tell people not to spread fear “. Right. Just like the pedophiles, they don’t cross borders… But we did hear a police bust of more than a thousand people in the pedophile network, of which a hundred were caught in Switzerhell. Swiss men of course. The press said that the pedophiles arrested in Switzerland were just men who looked at pictures and videos on the web…. Right!!!they were forced to talk about that story since other police from surrounding countries were on the case, and arrested men from their countries as well.

　

Also, in the free newspaper today: Bern admits that hospitals make more and more “mistakes” that result in death of the patient. They don’t say which hospital, where, but they admit it… That stuff happened a lot in the past but no one would hear about it. Could it be some of the rich foreigners were victims and their families are suing and trying to contact the press. I know sometimes you try to contact the press in Switzerhell, and magically no one is available! But come with a pitbull story where a kid was bitten , and the media will receive you in their office, buy you lunch and desert!

Welcome to the great country where I took my first breath of air! Well in this lifetime anyway. I can joke about it, but every single day it hurts inside to be here and to be from here.

Every day is a struggle for me. The law of attraction would say that at this point, I officially hate the Swiss and expect their acting evil towards me, so I attract more of it. I have struggled to ignore them, when I had Shadow. I have tried to focus on us three, me and the dogs, and ignore them, but as a woman alone who also has to stay on guard and protect herself and her dogs, I had to watch out for things like cars otherwise we would be dead or injured by now. Well Shadow is dead. So I didn’t do so well on protecting him. Well I did for eight years. But when you have to watch out for morons not to run into you, hit your dog with an umbrella or a cigarette as they pass by on the sidewalk , and things like that, it’s hard to ignore them and dodge their s*** at the same time. I have tried , in the very beginning to talk to them to be, not hypocritical like them but be nice to make things smoother. I then find out that the only reason these pricks talked to me was to find out stuff about my life, my dogs, if there was a man in my life, etc, to then use these things to mess with me. And that wasn’t just in one town, one place. And I wasn’t only talking to people with no education. So really, it has been quite a trip to try to give these Swiss people a chance. Now, after Shadow’s death, I cannot “give them a chance ” anymore. Even when Shadow was alive, we lived happier when we kept to ourselves and made sure to stay away and dodge whatever was coming at us. Of course I have wanted to fight back, but fighting back means to hurt them, because I don’t have the time to play their little backstabbing games. Now it is getting harder and harder because my hatred is growing. I want revenge on these people so bad, it hurts. And everyday having to take their crap gets tougher and tougher. As soon as I get in the car, I can feel men getting upset and showing it in the way they drive an inch behind me or pass me crazy fast, because either I was faster than them and it bothered them, or on the contrary I was too slow and it bugged them to have women driving around basically. They would love to reintegrate the law that prohibits women to drive. I go to the gym and it’s the same old story with men. Basically they don’t want me there because I don’t behave like a nice submissive Swiss woman. I don’t want them there either. I go to the supermarket and people try to pass me if I leave too much space in front of me ( forgive me if I don’t like to be stuck to the person in the front). My last job I got fired for opening my mouth too much about how the school ( hotel school) wasn’t helping students enough when they really needed it, on top of the fact that one of the managers didn’t want to hire a woman for night security in the first place. The guy who did hire me was a German guy. The job before that, I was bullied and not trained properly , by 2 young idiot Swiss girls, so they could laugh at me for not doing the job right since I had been instructed wrong!! The job before that, I was teaching, and had to drive around from one company to another, so since the driving is always frustrating. A teacher like that has to be a psychologist, a babysitter, a mother and a teacher! Some one to one classes were like therapy sessions. I did have a couple ( just a few) students from countries like Italy, Brazil and the US, who were totally decent people. But those few students didn’t make the job. I can’t tell you how tired I am of this place. I am trying to read a lot of books that can help me stay strong and positive inside. It’s a challenge doing that kind of work on yourself when you have to deal with crap everyday. But I am at least unemployed right now so I have a bit of time to stay with my dog and my rabbit, and try to find at least faith, in a better tomorrow.

　

Later on that day…:

I remember once I was in NYC, living in a studio in a not so clean building. I was in the bathroom looking at my face in the mirror and suddenly felt something crawling up my legs. I saw 2 big fat roaches crawling up my legs!! What are the chances for 2 roaches to crawl up each of my legs at the same time? I saw them and I wiped them down, wiped them to the ground. I then killed them and when the rush was over, I cried of disgust. It had been the first time I had cried of disgust. Well I now find myself so fed up with not being able to leave this country and hating these people here so much. I am starting to cry of disgust when I realize I am stuck here, among these filthy people, when I know there is a world out there, like the US for example where I’d really want to be, but at this point I’d go anywhere just far away from Switzerhell, and not in a country where the Swiss immigrate much! I have so had it with this pit of humanity. Yes the streets are clean and I have food on the table and the water from the faucet is drinkable and doesn’t make me sick. But humans around are worms!! And that is the sickening factor! It’s the atmosphere. Without my Shiva I would surely kill people, not only because I want revenge on what they did to Shadow and me but because the planet would be better off without most of the crappy people who live in Switzerhell. Some days I just want to kill some punks so bad it hurts me that I can’t. It’s like a bad itch or worse. I want it so bad. Not sure if I got the plans to get away with it though and I won’t do it because Shiva and me are good together. So I refrain. It’s hard. It hurts. I never thought I could feel this way. Obviously it is a bit stronger because of the fact that my life is not the way I want it, that I am here and not where I want to be, and not doing what I want to do, work with dogs, lots of them. If I don’t see Swiss people for a while, I feel better already. I have been there. But then I get stuck , have no visa, have to come back to this filth. So either I die in hell, here, in jail later on in my life, or I get out with enough money to stay away forever! I just wish I could attract this money and not be stuck at the hatred, not let these people break me down. Most of them would love to see me in jail. I am crazy, they think. They don’t know I can kill. Men don’t think a woman can kill. The problem for me is not whether I have got it in me to go and kill. Everyone got it in them. Too many people have it so f***ing good that they don’t grasp the concept of wanting to kill those who mess with them. If this whole thing could just be a bad memory or just a chapter in this book, or an experience in my life. Life could have put me in this country to see how low humanity can get in a rich country like this. I am sensitive enough to see all that. I know some, few decent people who come here on vacation could see it if they were open to it, but they’re on a vacation dream, and don’t see it. As for the ones who live here I am more and more convinced that this place attracts the kind of people who fit right in. I am here and have been suffering here, because no I won’t adapt to filth. And the disease that I have gotten from this is this desire to kill stronger than ever, like a cat who needs to eat. That is too strong of a desire. I need to help myself out of this!!!! I am trying to have faith again that I will get out of this whole nightmare!!!

July 24th

I am so sick of everything, except my Shiva. I have been wanting to win the Lotto for 12 years now, ever since I had Shiva, I saw the real need to win for the dog to have land around a home that would be stable and his. And then with Shadow I wanted it even more!! And now he is dead. All his life I have been yearning, wanting to win that pack of millions once, and nothing else. Now I somehow still believe I am going to win. Why would I win now that I have gone through my Shadow’s death? Well, reading the Matrix Energetics, I read that going back in time is possible, so I could bring my Shadow back to life, when he was healthy with all his teeth ( in NYC, his teeth got cut off by playing too much with a tennis ball). So I keep hoping, not giving up ever. I think me and Shiva are going to win and go to the US with the rabbit and maybe rescue this Beauceron from a mad family in France and take her with us. My dream had been to win when I was first going through hell in that village , when these f***ing people were driving me nuts and trying everything to either kill one of us or make us move out of the village. I could still see us, going through hell but when I closed the door of my tiny studio and was there with my 2 dogs, I was happy that we were ok. I should have won then. I could have seen us win these millions, make a reservation for a private jet so Shadow could travel with Shiva and me, and leaving this horrible ugly place with a view…. That feeling , that visualization was a dream, is a dream. All the s*** we had to through after that just brought me to this place where I have too much hatred right now. I can’t keep up with myself and how much revenge I’d like to accomplish. It would be so much work. I hate these punks. The only place I can take them is on TV! I hate these f****s and their poor dogs when I see they can’t educate them and then they get upset scream at them and kick them in the face like it’s cattle in the 18 century. I hate all their behaviors, everything I see when I step outside. I hate hate hate. I want to kill kill kill, delete them, eliminate, destroy them, clean up the land… I am crazy but I am not. I wish I could be in the US where people only interact with strangers with something funny or positive. Well of course unless you have beef with someone, like everywhere in the world. Switzerhell is such a rat hole. And that’s a compliment because rats are more decent. Some will say that when you have a family here, people are nice to you. Well you can think they are nice to you, but should I put a camera and sound recorder to show you what they really think about you? I can feel that hypocrisy, I don’t have to check it. In the US, people genuinely try to be nice. Ok they try rather than be sometimes. But that trying shows, and it’s because they want to be nice but can’t necessarily do it with the goodness of their heart. But that trying part shows and it’s a good thing, rather than putting on this fake attitude and really having ill feelings deep inside. I know that in France, people usually don’t care much so they are not nice nor vicious, they just are how they are, most of the time. But Switzerhell has this disease, this illness all around. It’s repulsive, everyone is here.

July 26th

I was walking Shiva and I saw this small women with a German Shepard and a bigger dog which looked really good, so I asked her which breed it was. She said she didn’t know for sure. We speculated. We talked. This Swiss woman knew nothing about me, not even where I lived, and she invited me to her apartment. She has 2 young daughters. Her husband wasn’t there. It is unbelievable how trusting they are, and how stupid….My little cute dog must have been a sign of trust….

July 27th

My mother. I don’t like her as a person but she is my mother so I have some affection for her. It’s not her fault that she is Swiss and that she lived here all her life, but she has been retired for 5 years now, and aside from keeping busy not to get bored, by playing tennis, skiing in the winter, meeting people and organizing dinners with neighbors, she doesn’t do anything for humanity, nor for animals, nor for anything but herself. She could be volunteering for something… Oh wait there are not many volunteering activities in mafia land ( as Mr Kadhafi would say). Swiss people don’t want to volunteer, they don’t want to work without getting paid. So no one creates opportunities for people to volunteer. Even at dog shelters most of them don’t have volunteers. I know one shelter here who has openings for volunteers and advertises to find some, which is difficult. The few people they found are British women, wives of expats. Some Swiss give money to charity when they see that they will have to pay too much tax at the end of the year, but that’s it. All this money that circulates in this country and the people don’t volunteer… And don’t tell me there is no need. Animals need it. Maybe the Swiss could kill a little less dogs at shelters!!! Old people need help too. They are some old people who are alone, have no one to help and their health insurance won’t cover the help they need. You don’t hear about them. The great Swiss image would be shattered. You have sick people who don’t come out of their home, ever, because they would need help to do so and they don’t have it. Society likes it that way, so all these sick people( mentally or physically) are hidden in their homes. Again….Welcome to beautiful Switzerland!

So yes my mother could spend her time more productively , helping others or animals, but no. When she helps me after I ask her, to do one little thing, she makes it seem like it’s a big deal that she helped. I am so sick of that mentality. Having grown up with these moron people, and feeling the hatred when I am here, I am glad to say that when I am in the US, I like helping people I appreciate, helping dogs too, and I don’t feel the need to make it seem like a big deal to help!!! I have helped here many times too much, like when dogs would follow us in the forest and then having to go find the owner, or keeping the dog until the person would manifest. That woman yesterday who invited me to her house. Well she trusted me in her home because I had given her good advice on dog training, which she needed badly.

July 28th

This morning I was looking for a health food store. I looked on the web and took the address, and looked on my map. I am a map person. I am good with maps and enjoy following them. I have used maps in all US cities that I have been to and it always worked really well for me. Here, I was surprised to notice for the second time that their maps are wrong! Small mistakes with small roads or streets but still, is it so difficult to make a map that matches reality? And I don’t have an old map, it’s a new one! I got the map of this town this year at the tourism office. And don’t tell me that American cities are easier because the roads are all perpendicular! They are not always in smaller towns, and making maps doesn’t require rocket science!! So then I finally find the health food store, and it only opens at 11! On a week day. Are we joking here? I know stores close really early at night , even earlier on Saturdays and are never open on Sundays, I had gotten that part since I was little, but 11 am? What do healthy people sleep late every morning? Do healthy people stretch and do yoga for 3 hours in the morning and only after that, they might think of buying an organic salad ? Seriously, this is not a summer town by the sea in Italy or South of France where you can expect most stores to open at 11 AM. Lausanne is a big town even a city according to Swiss standards.

According to the news, the Swiss are getting fatter and fatter, especially children. People are blaming it on the American food imports or fast food like McDee and the others. Truth is the Swiss are creating more and more cheap foods, because people want to spend less and less on food, and keep more money in the bank ( really). People I know have real estate, like apartments they rent out and holiday homes for themselves, and they try to save on money they spend on food, and buy cheap unhealthy foods instead of good stuff. I don’t know, but I have always thought food was more important than objects I could buy, not only because I like food but the quality of the stuff I put in my body is more important than all the jewelery, the houses or the material stuff I could buy. Even for my dogs, I often give them freshly cooked chicken or turkey, even if I am poor and people I have told that to, here say I shouldn’t “waste” my money…. Different priorities…

So the Swiss are getting fat and they blame it on American foods. When you look in the supermarket, there is more choice than there was 20 years ago. So whether people buy US imports, or other countries’ imports ( France exports a lot of processed junk food to Switzerhell), or new Swiss processed crap, people are getting fat because they can’t choose among what they have available. I can only imagine how fat they would become if Swiss supermarkets had as much choice in everything as the US ! Because let’s face it, the big Swiss supermarkets will have a little bit of choice, but still, it is nothing like the US. If the Swiss had that much choice they would blow up like balloons!

July 29th

I am starting to understand something: Muslim extremists have built their hatred towards the Western world, because that’s the way they call it, the Western world, which includes Europe and then the US and Canada. They associate Europe to the US because from the outside , they seem similar. They’re not. The vices that people contract while living a Western lifestyle all originate in Europe. More money, more power, using that power to hurt others in one way or another, on purpose just because they can. All that is rooted in Europe. Leaders all over the world have caught the disease. That viciousness and non desire to help others except if it brings something back to the originator comes from Europe. Asia and Africa have wise ancient spiritual goodness that is often baffled by money and not knowing how to get it nor how to use it, just like Europeans. The Americas have a background of all the great native ( American Indian) spirits. Yes Europe has damaged that. But nowadays, one can still see that many many Americans, whatever their background, have realized that doing good to oneself and to others freely, is the key to a better world. And that a better world is something attractive! Not like many Europeans who have evil fantasies of the end of the world, or worlds governed by dark entities with lots of powers that would blow everyone’s mind….The vast majority of extremist Muslims who have lived in the Western world have lived in Europe and have that as their blueprint. They think the US is like that only worse. They are wrong. All the good Muslims who live happily in the US should tell them. Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. Europe has a true evil soul. Don’t get me wrong, a number of people live happily and some are even decent people. Unfortunately those don’t live in Switzerland. Well, it’s a small country so no one cares. But realize that Switzerhell may be small but with its money, with the money that all the rich thugs of the world put in this country, including a lot of Muslim extremists and other “gangs” who don’t care about anything but their money, it could become a germ for a growing evil power. So far the world has kept Switzerhell under control by trading, putting money in their banks, doing business in everyone ‘s interests and so on. But without sounding alarming, I just wonder why the better spirits of the world don’t pick up on the severity of Switzerland’s trash nature. 10 years ago when the New York Jewish community went public and asked Switzerhell for the money that belonged to them but had been discreetly kept by Swiss banks after the war, the media slightly touched the truth by showing beautiful sceneries of Switzerhell and then saying that it is not what it looks like. They were right. The Swiss were then forced to give some of the money back, which had no business being in Switzerhell, long after the war. After that affair, the world went back to thinking Switzerhell was the most beautiful place, clean and honest. What is wrong with people! I know everyone is busy dealing with more important things that relates to their lives directly, and their believes and passion, but Switzerhell is a threat to humanity, in many ways.

July 31rst

This morning, I got yelled at and then insulted for not doing what the Swiss person told me to do: This old lady with a Belgian Shepard on a leash: She sees Shiva walk by, and she and her dog start screaming and barking. The dog went trying to attack Shiva, and she ordered me to put my dog on a leash. I had just left an area that was surprisingly decent regarding dogs being all off leash and friendly ( don’t be fooled be these rare , not only areas but lucky times of the day). Here goes this old woman with this vicious dog( except from the fact that any being would be vicious living with an old rat like that), yelling at me for not holding my friendly, old, tiny dog on a leash in a forest where most dogs are off leash, and the law permits it. She didn’t yell in an alarming tone because she was scared for my dog. She yelled and insulted me because according to her, sogs must be on leashes everywhere at all times because she doesn’t want her dog to pull on her arm. She set me off especially when I saw that she didn’t have the strength to hold her dog and he was ready to jump on Shiva. I was then also ready to jump on that dog and that old lady. It’s one thing that these idiot Swiss can’t comprehend what dogs do and need. Had she been like: “I am sorry, could you hold your dog, my dog is just terribly untrained, and I can’t hold him”. The Swiss are known to be polite… Shiva didn’t even go to her dog, so it wasn’t even my dog’s fault for going near a dog that was on a leash. Shiva walked by and didn’t stop, feeling the other dog’s craziness. Some young man saw us and then told me that her dog was attacking people and dogs all the time. I said then why doesn’t anyone call the cops? He said her son is a cop. And because the Belgian shepherd is not a breed that the country hates! If it had been one of the 13 breeds , the dog would have barked twice , not even pulled on the leash like a crazy fool, and he would have been shot by the police. Whoever in the world hates the pit bull and all breeds who look like him, and love to see how strict Switzerhell is with these breeds? Well I say , then have a smart country that is strict with dogs in general and most of all with the people who don’t treat dogs right. Because if you like Switzerhell where all big labradors, St-Bernards, Shepherds and Bernese can be free to growl, threaten, bite a few times in their lives and kill a few other animals, then you sure make so sense and can’t say Switzerhell is your strict country with a lot of rules followed by everyone. And if you like this country so much, then you must like the old men who are free to be pedophiles and have their privacy respected be the state and no one gets to know where and who they are. They get to live wherever they want and get to walk to school yards and stare, and then do all kinds of activities….. for years, until they get caught twenty years later, because the man was so nice and so polite that no one ever suspected anything!

Have a country strict on dogs: I have nothing against that if it’s well done. In a small and rich country like Switzerhell where people pay an expensive tax for dogs each year, the country could have a decent law that would require all dog owners to learn about dogs before getting one. The tax that dog owners pay every year doesn’t include anything, but the right to have a dog. It doesn’t include classes, as it should. It doesn’t include dog parcs. It actually only includes the free tiny plastic bags that you can pick up at a few places here and there, to pick up poop. Swiss people pay a dog tax that is 5 or 6 ( depends on the canton) times the amount that people pay in Manhattan, NY! And in Manhattan you have a fairly large dog-run ( doggy park) in every neighborhood, almost every 10 blocks. The square footage of all that in Manhattan is great when you know how much land costs there! When I was there for a year, I was glad to contribute and pay the doggy tax. I was proud to have paid it for the year for my 2 dogs and have gotten the little tags that they give. Here in Switzerhell, not only do the dog taxes go up every year but we don’t get a tag anymore, and dog-runs don’t exist! And don’ tell me that we have forests here. In Manhattan there is Central park which is open to dogs off leash before 9 am and after 9 pm. Sure it’s great, but a dog-run in your neighborhood lets dogs socialize which is very important for dogs. Yes there are forests in Switzerhell where some breeds are allowed to be off leash, but since dogs are not socialized, where people call their dogs and keep her or him close when they see another dog coming, there are always dogs biting other dogs. Not to mention hunting season which is 4 months a year, where you have got to watch out that you or your dogs don’t get shot. In Switzerhell when you consider the amount of dogs that live here, there are very few people who walk to the forest or drive to the forest for their dogs. People don’t exercice that much.

No it’s really a great country. It goes to show it’s not when you have the money, the means and the power, that humans automatically get smart and do the right thing. Switzerhell is human proof of the very opposite. The dog thing is just a small example for most people. I know the Swiss government has kept its people afraid and in their place for years but now it can’t be the excuse anymore for these crappy people to be this dumb and vicious. The Swiss claim the country is a mess because of all the foreigners who invaded. Well the only truth to that is that when foreigners, rich or poor, come in and act different in any ways, the Swiss start stressing out and acting out and ruining their lives. So in that sense, yes who dared come to Switzerhell and introduce new ways of thinking, doing or acting? It freaks these people out and they become nasty and vicious! Their brain capacity was not made to adjust. Welcomed as they were, all foreigners especially the poor who came here to work started hating people. For generations, these foreigners have been hating. Getting their money , staying, but hating. The rich who come to stash their dirty money here are filth in the first place. Blame it on the rain if you want, but let’s at least look at this country for what it is and not for the beautiful pictures that some great photographer took. You can take great pictures in every country and market the place so well with so much effort and money that the whole world starts to believe that that country is worth going to and spending money on! Seriously!

August 1rst

I am still in f*** Switzerhell. I have demons I can’t get rid of, who keep me in this dirt. Evidently. I am going to keep fighting. I have one question for the world though: When are non-Europeans going to realize that Switzerhell is now the pit of humanity. Europeans from countries outside of Switzerhell now know. The Muslim extremists have realized it. Well somehow. Some of them mistook it for Northern America, but I believe they will come around. These people are like me and most Americans: They have no tolerance for trash, scum people. Switzerhell tolerates all the trash of the world, the filth of humanity. It reflects its soul. Just like Hitler, the Swiss see things one way and no other way will be tolerated. The Swiss would have a Hitler ( well there is one close to him in the UDC political party), they would be great little soldiers. That might be the only thing that would bring them together, these non-communicating fools. The reason why Switzerhell hasn’t escalated to another Hitler period is that they’re not sure which group to exterminate, since they hate all foreigners, and the Swiss who don’t act like them. I guess we can be thankful that there is too much hatred going around.

Africans come to Europe in hopes to make good money to then send it back to their countries. But when are they going to realize that they are only helping Switzerhell and even Europe, with cheap labor. Aside from the political refugees in Switzerhell who get free room and board, because at least they can say they are beating the system!. These guys also don’t realize that that system is hurting them. They get used to free money in a rich country. When the few years are over, they are left with all the problems of trying to find a place to live being black, and having no real CV, no history of having worked anywhere in Europe, the Swiss won’t hire them. Some will get angry and start selling drugs. Some of them, men with previous high moral values and strong political ideas become self-hating money hungry people contributing to the Swiss filth. So Switzerhell nor Europe are not helping these people. If they come as workers, husbands or others, they will still get jobs with little money and will get angry at the Swiss or others, for not paying them as much as the ones form Switzerhell. Anger in groups gets destructive, not only for the outside, but for themselves. Sure the ones who go to America have it better. They were smarter for their choice of country, but then in Northern America, there is one thing that is not yet resolved, is the “race thing”. Yes I know , slavery wasn’t so long ago, but the US moves on quickly for everything, at least many things compared to the rest of the world. Except that race thing. I must say that is the one thing I don’t get in the US.

Europe is copying the US for everything. If you lived in Europe in 1990, and then live there now, you can name a hundred things or ideas that have been “stolen” from the US. Well when Americans are selling goods and making money on it, great, more power to them, as long as the company pays its taxes in the US.

Later on , on this Swiss national day…:

I am living in a studio in a building where you can hear people cough, pee, etc. It’s one of these buildings made of cardboard. The bitch upstairs walks around on her old wooden floor with summer shoes with heels, or wooden soles all day long. It’s one thing to have one bitch in the building, but I can’t even say that it always falls on me. The other people on all floors slam their doors, night and day. They can’t get in their apartments and close their doors like normal people, or like people who know ho many other people can hear and be disturbed by a slamming door. For a few of them, it might be a habit, an old uneducated habit, but for most of them, it is because they heard someone do it once and they have to show they can do it too…. This is the true stupidity of everyday life in Switzerhell. They do because they want to show that they can. Well someone had to give them the idea, because in the imagination department, they are non-existent.

Well I can openly say that the only Swiss left in me is the hater. I will definitely use it in my life. Isn’t that what they say? Use the negative for your benefit. Make the best of what you have, who you are. Well, I tell you, I feel safe with myself, because in time of need I won’t hesitate to do whatever I need to do to to protect myself and my loved ones. I have been attacked in my personal space in every way, and even if some would say I haven’t been tortured and locked up and raped, I have been attacked enough for me to develop that sense of unafraid instinct to protect myself and my loved ones.

I guess when people have hurt you, messed with you many many times, bullied you, you either turn out stronger or messed up. I felt stronger when I lived in the US by myself starting at the age of 17. But when people keep bullying you as an adult…I am not sure what the scenarios are…. But for me, I am starting to feel it deep in my nervous system, especially that I can’t fight back, otherwise I’ll go to jail. My true nature wants to fight back. The frustration now for 4 years that I have been carrying is getting very heavy. And now that Shadow is gone , these idiots still feel the need to mess with me. The bitch upstairs is a friend to the neighbors next door. She has decided to make it a game to wake me up, just like the housecleaning alcoholic woman in that rotten rich village. Only this one has allies. They talk outside on the balcony. They laugh and talk about a “woman ” who gets upset whenever she gets waken up, bla bla bla. They play childish games which I don’t play. All I want is to get away from these women and the young guy in there. They want to play, want me to yell at them. I don’t want to interact with that filth. I get upset but all by myself . Since we can hear everything one says in these apartments especially in the summer with the windows open. I get upset, I swear a bit, and they hear it. They listen and laugh. Of course if I had a man living with me, this wouldn’t happen. They might do the same but ver discreetly. Or if I had allies, then we’d have a war between neighbor gangs…. Serioulsy I don’t play these freacking games. And don’t tell me to ignore them all. I know I could work on ignoring the whole country but it would be hard…. Also ignoring is a good theory. But think of when neighbors smoke and you smell their smoke through the windows, you are supposed to ignore them? Yes that’s really good for your health. I am sick of the people I know telling me to ignore everyone who messes with me.

I so need to get out of this country it’s ridiculous. According to the theory that says that everything that happens to us, we attracted or created… Well I can’t believe I created such a nightmare for me and my dogs during the last 4 years and the 2 years before that in Switzerhell with Shadow as a puppy. We may have been hated more with Shadow, but he did keep half of the scum away from us, scum that I see appear now again, that I am alone with Shiva. I need to leave this country, I can’t tell you how badly. I have said it for years now, and the truth is I am so stubborn that I think I will win the Lotto before I leave because that was part of my revenge on the Swiss plan, to win in Switzerhell , to get out with their game money. The Lotto is a great fun revenge. It is legally taking the money of others, all in one big chunk. I love the concept. Well in Switzerhell I see it like that. When I am in the US, I see it as a fun game, to have one chance in a zillion to get a whole bunch of money at one time. I even feel bad when I think of American families with lots of children and animals, who need the money more than I do. But in Switzerhell I feel like my whole self needs to win for many reasons. I have believed this strongly for 2 years now. I feel it, I can touch it, touch the feeling of having won. When I really think about it, I am not winning because I have 2 contradicting voices inside of me: One that keep saying : “just do it!” as it were that easy. And the other says: ” It is impossible to win, to be the one and only winner, and have all the numbers that match”. I often have 2 or 3 numbers. But these 2 voices in my head are fighting. Obviously the second one has logic on her side, has collective thinking on her side, and has many loosing moments to remember ( all the times I have lost). It’s a tough side to fight! As appealing as the first voice is, I can’t free it, let it shine. Sometimes I even have a third voice that says: ” it’s ok not to win, you’ll be ok”. And after each time that I have checked the numbers and seen the failure, I have had to let that voice be my friend, to make me feel better, so I have nurtured it. It is so tough but I can see how that works now. Hoping that’s gona help. I am not sure I know how to delete these 2 useless voices though. And living among these assholes, I get upset every single day. I don’t feel at peace. It doesn’t help.

Aug 4th

I am watching many videos on Youtube about the matrix, quantum universe, the creative energy field, the power of the mind, etc. All of them say that compassion and love are necessary, and that hatred, anger and fear have to be ignored or forgotten. Beautiful words and all of it makes sense. Happiness comes from within and loving others will only help you. I get it! However in Switzerhell, I can’t help but getting upset at these f***ers who bug me in every way, from making noise at night or slamming doors in the middle of the night, to stealing my mail, slashing my tires, etc. It is so hard to love those people. So hard that I can’t do it. I am thinking I hope God has not put me in the worst place on earth human-wise, to see if I could love….despite the challenge!! I am saying all is well, and life is good. I can’t help it, when I go outside, wanting to kill those god*am Swiss! But I come inside and listen to these videos and I get it… I have to love.. love and love… and love will come back to me! Just don’t let me go outside. I have a dog and I have to go outside… I am not good at all this…

Aug 6th

Raised as a Swiss Christian, I was always told that God was the all mighty powerful and that if someone did something bad he would punish them and if someone did something good, God would give that someone something good in return… That’s the kind of bagage that I have been carrying. That is also why I so want to kill so many people because they have hurt me and my dogs, my life, and they’re living the luxury life with all their beautiful homes, cars and families, and getting away with murder. Since God has been doing nothing to punish them in all those years , it drives me nuts to see those people getting away with murder, so yes I want to go on a killing spree and make sure I get as many as possible. I guess I am Swiss because the Swiss are the ones who punish others, who take matters in their own hands, who punish others for making mistakes, or not doing things the way they do them. I want to punish them for having hurt us and for hurting women and dogs all over the place. Of course I feel I want to punish people for a good reason while the Swiss do it for no reason at all. but from the outside you might not see it that way.

After having listened to many smart people on the web, read some smart people’s books , all of them American people, I have decided I am today going to take the path of love. They say it’s the only way to get what I want in my life. There are many paths I can take. Some are easier than others. The love path is not easy but I am now here trying to love everything and everybody. It is the hardest thing ever. This morning I tried on my dog walk. It’s a challenge. I am going to give it a real true try, though. It is really tough for me to do this. Some people may know what I am talking about. I am in the place where I hate ( if I am being honest to my original feelings) most people. It is tough but you know what, I am trying this for the first time. I wish I had tried it with Shadow. But if I think hard I can say that he showed me that even if I was tough with him and asked a lot from him and sometimes was too hard on him, he always loved me. So I am trying this love thing even if it’s hard, and it’s already making me cry because it’s so hard!!!! One way I have created to help me is to see these Swiss as not even people, but creatures, animals. I can see how love is possible now.

Aug 6th

Today again some f***er went into the apartment when I was gone. The door was unlocked. I came early today so the person must have thought I was coming later and got out quickly, or just forgot to lock. I was leaving scotch tape on the floor and nobody had come in until today. These Swiss morons always think they are smarter than everyone else. They need to look around, feel powerful, and feel like they know everything, because they can. They don’t even steal anything! It would make more sense if they stole something. Then again they might steal my identity. It just bugs me so much that I want to catch them in the act so badly…. I know I am supposed to love everybody, but it’s so hard when they mess with me like that! And it’s happened before, many times in great Switzerhell! When they didn’t have the key they had passes. I am so sick of this sick-ass country! If I had a man everything would be different: I would get the great of luxury of being respected a bit in society! Yes it’s like that in most countries, but this sick country pretends to have high standards like the US or Canada!!! And this hypocrisy makes me sick, sick sick sick. I don’t know if I can get myself out of this sickness! I have been listening to these smart people talking mind power and great positive thinking, and I love all that. I can see how it works. But I have always been alone in this world. I can deal with things alone. I am not suffering from it. I am not even looking for friends here to help me. The few that I have are plenty. But none of them is strong enough to be a great support to get better, to think better and believe in the power of the mind and of the spirit. I have never had any great minds around me to help me towards positivism. In Switzerhell for sure, people always say what you see is what you get, and life is tough, and no way do they believe making anything happen is possible, other than concrete stuff like getting a job! And stop dreaming! In the US, I have come across people who have given me compliments and hope that have helped me more than they know, but I guess I need much more to get out of this Swiss filth. Sure I have the strength to work in society, fighting my way through, until I die if I have to. But I could get myself out of this crap by first, winning some money and then working on helping animals, working on meditation and positivism, away from Switzerhell. I could live, live for real. But can I? All by myself? Will the books and the positive videos help me find it in me? They say I don’t need the books and anything outside, it’s all in me, but when I don’t know how to look for it inside…. When no one even told me there was something in me I had to discover…. When my Shadow was with us, I wanted to win the Lotto so bad to give him a mansion with land. I wanted this Lotto for that reason. I could picture, visualize so well, my dogs running around our home, a nice home with land and a huge fence. I could see that in my head during the eight years of Shadow’s life. I wanted to give him that so badly. When people asked me why I had a huge dog in a studio, even though I went out every single morning for at least 2 hours , and made him run, play ball almost the whole time so that he got his exercice, I would tell them that I knew I was going to win millions and he would soon have a house and a land of his own. I was so sure for so many years!!! Now because I failed I feel even more like a failure and it saddens me every time I think about Shadow and what he didn’t get , what I wanted to give and I couldn’t. I cry every time I think of that. How am I now, supposed to attract the winning? Make a winning happen? I pray and I cry. But according to the new science, I am just noticing the lack of ….. and attracting more of that. How do you not notice the lack of when you really don’t have money, and need so much to do the things you want to do?

Aug 7th, (alias 7/8/09 in Europe)

Tonight is when I have to win. Well I have already won since it’s now, tonight. I try to give love, to feel sorry for the Swiss for staring stupidly for hours and for exerting a hideous vibe (it’s not their fault I say). When they are few I can do it, but when there are many morons around me, I can’t do it. Today I had to cut my work out short, I couldn’t stand their dirty heavy presence around me, staring of course because I wouldn’t look back at the gentlemen (…) smiling, and that’s what a woman should do even when the man looks at us with a scary face. So no I won’t go to the gym anymore. Tomorrow is my last day. I love the gym but the Swiss get too close to me there and I can’t love them…at all. When I have time to work out, I feel so much better though. When I start to see changes in my body I like it a lot. But the crap I have been through in Switzermy-ass to fight to work out without bending to the every wish of every man ( what machine to use when they want and women have to move for the strong (…) men to be able to use what machine they want to use). When I think of the several years I have been through this, I wonder why I attracted this being in this country for so long. Yes I am stubborn and I want to win the money and not go to the US broke, and have to come back to this hell yet again… That is a choice. I made that choice and regret it a bit, but I understand why I made it. Now the goal has to be to win! Otherwise I don’t understand myself. I know I am messed up with my emotions and old issues that come back because life in Switzerhell puts me through the same kind of crap, if not all the time, a lot of the time.

Aug 8th

Whoever lives in this country of Switzerland, Swiss and other nationalities, it seems they all are looking for s*** and messing with other people’s lives. I know the Swiss do it on purpose. They have a history of discipline and they know the rules: they had them really strict at one time: no one could make any noise past 10 pm or the cops would come ( someone would call them), no littering, etc, etc. So now that they are more people in the country, the rules on small things like noise in a building have gotten more lenient. So now the Swiss will bug other people only because they want to and they can. Foreigners, I have talked to, like Eastern Europeans or Portuguese, they are not necessarily trying to mess with you but they don’t think, because they are not used to many rules. Since most Swiss are scared of these kinds of foreigners, they don’t say anything and let them do whatever , and then stab them in the back later on, while making as much noise and bending the rules as much as them.

Aug 13th

I am in the cabin again these days, without running water, in a very small place. With a piece of land around the place, and yes with a terrace that is as big as the inside of the chalet, but I never go out there, because the many old fools who walk by, take the time to stare at whoever sits outside because they want to see who it is what they do, how they’re dressed, etc. I can’t get used to these Swiss people staring all the time, especially when I am at home. At the supermarket, if I’m in a hurry or don’t acknowledge every single person, because they like to make eye contact with everyone, they stare at me even more because they see I am not like them so they ‘d like to know what is wrong with me and it bugs them that I am not like them even if I look Swiss. Which I am , help me God.

So I am in the chalet, still unemployed and trying to attract my winning… Supposed to not notice the lack of… lack of water, money, … It’s tough but it’s the law ( another rule…), and I am gona try to make it work finally! I have read some of my writings from 11 years ago, and I then was trying to attract the same thing, money. I have not mastered that yet obviously.

I am still reading books. I am currently reading Robert Collier’s Richer within your Reach. I have to say I loved the Secret of the Ages, as well. However there is a passage in this book that I don’t agree with: Robert compares Switzerhell with Alaska. He writes that the Swiss have know how to market their country even if it is less diverse than Alaska. He also says that Switzerhell knows how to make money on a piece of wood , by carving it. Well I’d say they know how to scam the tourists by spending millions on marketing a false image. I don’t know if that fits with Robert’s view on loving your neighbor and giving love to receive love. Alaska is full of better people and I am sure happier people. The Swiss have used the few brain cells that they have to scam people, sell an image which is empty and very ugly. They have been helped by bigger scammers, the banks and their secret banking system. And by the way it is a secret system for the filthy rich, but if someone like me lies on the amount of money that I have on my bank account when I do my taxes , I will first receive a polite statement telling me to re-write the amount of money I have in the bank. There must be an agreement between the banks and the government where the tax system can find out exactly how much regular people and poor people have in the bank, but they can’t get the numbers once it’s above a certain amount.

　

Aug 15

I have so much disgust and hatred for this Swiss people. They have nothing to show for, at all in any sector, and especially not in the human department. Sure there are some doctors, engineers and scientists, but when they’re done with their job, these people act like their looser neighbors, hating and badmouthing. The fact that I am full of rage because not only did these Swiss make my life and my Shadow’s life ( and Shiva’s through all of it) miserable on a daily basis, but they also killed my boy; explains the hatred and the desire to kill them all ( they are so many who have interfered in our lives negatively) . However the disgust I have and feel for these people is solely the emptiness of their hearts and the dullness of their minds. They not only live in luxury and do nothing for humanity , but they pollute humanity as a whole. Don’t smile at this statement, for, if you do, you are part of them, part of the filth. Humanity needs help, for, only it, can save the planet, our home. Keeping the filth around, just to educate your kids in showing them how they’re not supposed to be, is not good enough for the planet. Cleaning has to occur.

I was thinking what could be the positive purpose for me to have lived through this crap, not for a while but for so many years. Well when I was little I didn’t know better. When I had to live through some sexism living with my mother, it just made me stronger and made me aware of men, probably to protect myself. When I lived in Switzerhell with my dogs, which were very precious to me, Shadow and Shiva , I felt the crap from Swiss people at a different level. As when you have a child, most people change and become protective because they start caring about someone else except themselves. It happened to me. The pain that I endured in Switzerhell could have meant that I had to get meaner, to win in life. Before when I was young, I was easily brought into thoughts of loving everyone, fairness and not asking for too much from life. It seemed to be the right way to live. When I moved to the US at 17 and was taking acting classes, then auditioning, I didn’t feel like fighting. I didn’t see the point. It was all good and what had to be was going to be. I didn’t have it in me to fight for what I wanted because somewhere in me it didn’t feel right. I was too nice. I would see someone get the audition and I would actually feel that that person was better than me and was meant to get it, and I was ok with loosing all the time. Even later in dance auditions, I remember having so much fun at auditions sometimes. I didn’t have that Desire Power to get the audition. I had fun and for a Swiss girl like me, it was already awesome to be there, and the person that I am deep inside didn’t feel like fighting to get a job that some other people wanted so-o-o badly. I couldn’t fight to be in the front, in a group audition, or didn’t feel like fighting for such a thing, when I had had to fight for survival in the past.

Maybe having lived in this filth these last 6 years might have been there to help me to win. Win more than survival, which I had always been good at, but hadn’t felt the strong desire to win more. I was good so I had attracted some great events, moments. But I couldn’t attract all that great stuff in my life permenantly because I felt it wasn’t fair. Having too much money was unfair to others. I have that good in me , or have guilt in me, and having learned that having more than others is not “nice”, I easily fell into the belief that I wasn’t supposed to get too much. Just a bit to make me smile…

Well, I feel that “good” in me still, but another person has developed in me. I haven’t won anything yet, am still suffering and trapped in my Swiss poverty, but maybe it takes a while for me to become that other person, that person that can be open to having more than others. I have developed the desire to kill, due to the rage that I have in me. That fact makes me feel safe. I feel safe that if needed I can and will kill. I used to be scared when I was little when I was alone at night for example. Not anymore. Ok great. It has helped me. Now I may not have become evil enough to want to win millions of francs, dollars or euros that many people are praying for. I feel all these people ( whatever their nature) praying and yearning for that money. My consciousness will tell you that I would love winning the jackpot in Switzerhell, also because I know that it would be their money, everyone’s money that I would gather. But my subconscious is not there yet. That may be why I still attract all kinds of crap from people every single day. I must want all that s***. I am not a thief and have never liked to steal or felt it was worth the guilt and the risk of getting caught. I guess I am slowly trying to become someone truly willing to take all that money from people’s dreams.

Aug 18th

There are so many American companies and companies from other countries, which have their headquarters in Switzerhell. They do hire some CEO s and employees from their country of origin and from all over the world. However, they do give a lot of Swiss work, mostly indirectly, like construction workers, furniture makers, food industry, wine industry, electronic appliances businesses, security companies ( systems and guards), etc. These American or other foreign companies are making Switzerhell richer. They’re giving work to Swiss people and feeding their families and paying their mortgage, while families in their own country are starving and struggling to make ends meet. These companies ignore or don’t really care that they are feeding a people that is a disease to humanity, don’t help each other nor the world. The Swiss have no desire to make the world a better place. These companies are helping rich scumbags to get richer, basically. Whether you believe me or not, they still should want to better their country and their people first. Of course they only worry about making more money and paying less taxes. So Americans, before you go and criticize your government for going to war , criticize the laws for letting these companies have their headquarters in Switzerhell. If you have values, you can try to educate your own people ( trust me Americans are not in need of education, compared to other nations, but more education about everything is always better), not to go abroad with their companies, but stay home and help Americans get jobs and live in a decent way because you know that they deserve it! If any nation on this planet is anywhere close to becoming a better place human-wise, it is the United States of America.

Aug 24th

I am at the cabin and it’s summer and warm at night so I have to keep the window open. Some old Swiss f*** comes near my place and coughs and smokes the cigare, to show me he can. He knows it bugs me because I come out and tries to look for him with the flashlight ( and the knife…) but I can never find him. He can hear me come out and since I also have to put pants on to come out so it takes me more than 1 minute and he has time to hide. Shadow used to bark when he was there and I knew there was someone outside really close to the cabin but at the time ( afraid of Shadow) the idiot ( supposing it was the same moron who was doing that every time) didn’t make a sound, he just listened. So now that Shadow is gone, he wants me to know he is there. I swear if I get him, I am going to knife him, kill him if he doesn’t kill me first. He seems to be quick though to hide well and not make a sound when I come outside to look for him at night. He drives me nuts. He does it just to bug my ass. I can’t bear those people. Neighbors hear him, they know he is messing with me but they don’t say or do anything of course. Bastard filthy human trash.

Aug 26th

The daily free newspapers where we can read about petty crime or sometimes heavier crime have arrived in Switzerhell only in 2005 or 2006. Swiss people used to not believe in what these “trashy” papers would write. According to them, only foreigners were criminals. Well now, there is a number of young immigrants who try to push more crime and illegal stuff to be known and seen by everyone. It is a new concept, and it is because of these young educated immigrants from all over the world, who are full of hope and good intentions. Some of them will leave the country as soon as they see that after writing a story that was not meant to be public, the author suspiciously dies of a mysterious death or “suicide”. Nevertheless, the new arrivals, full of hope, do a good job, in pushing some stories on the news. The Swiss can say that the free papers print lies but they believe their tv news.

For example, yesterday we could see ( on the news) that a young Swiss guy came back from an army training and shot a random teenage girl at a bus stop. The girl died.

Today a 62 year old Swiss man in Geneva shot his 17 year old daughter and shot himself afterwards.

These are 2 days in the same small region in small Switzerhell. The Swiss are always quick to criticize the US and say that crime is high there, when they see a random shooting happening in the US. Because the US shootings will go on prime time Swiss news. Swiss or European shooting never get to the American news, and rightfully so, because before showing all the ugly stuff going on in other countries, better look at what’s going on in your own country.

We also see , on the news sometimes, a few of the many husbands who shoot their wives in Switzerhell. Somehow the Swiss have a logical explanation for these acts, like the wife was pushing him to the edge, or he worked too hard… But the Swiss are always quick to judge Americans and call them “crazy”.

Basically the Swiss believe they and their country are perfect, when corruption flows like water on earth, crime runs like rabbits not being chased, lies fill the air like pollution in a traffic jam, vicious acts penetrate everyday life like bad habits. Everyday life is a disease. And the worst thing is that most countries in the world also think that the Swiss and Switzerhell are perfect. The tourists come to Switzerhell and spend their money to feed the devil without knowing it or without wanting to know.

September 13th

I am still in the waterless chalet. When Shadow was here, people would do things in my back a lot like stealing things from my yard, or scratching my car, breaking something under the car to make it break down, throwing nails in my yard, etc, etc. And then they poisoned my dog after 2 years that we had moved in the chalet, and considering we didn’t live there full time. In any case I am sure they tried to throw poison in the yard before. All the times when Shadow barked at night inside and then I went outside to look and saw nothing. That happened many times and I know that it was someone trying to do some s*** to us, not only the pricks who smoke and make noise to show that they’re around. Imagining some people walk their dogs or get some fresh air late at night which I know for the most part they always walk their dog(s) around 9 or 10 for the last time and they don’t go very far from their chalet, the path is not right next to my fence, so aside from pricks who want to look and listen to what I do or don’t do, there are the pricks who try to come around to see if the dog barks and how close they can come without the dog noticing. Well, the truth is if I count the days, we didn’t live in that chalet more than a year, and there is nowhere in this country that we actually could be in peace living anywhere more than a year. Swiss s***s have always done anything they could to make us move, because of my dog’s breed, not his behavior! Not even because of my behavior, because I always took a lot of crap , fought discreetly until I couldn’t no more and it was only when I knew that we were moving that I would open my mouth and not make any efforts on my behavior, like not saying hello or worrying about the loud music that I would play during the day. When I moved into a place I would always be very careful of the barking of my dogs and the music that I would play ( not too loud not too often), because I know these Swiss people and whoever else lives here, don’t like dogs barking nor music. Construction work, cleaning and banging on walls to repair something are always very welcome noises in Switzerhell, the country of the smart, joyful and loving people…..

Now that I am alone with Shiva in the chalet, people are openly walking by near my fence and looking in, just to mess with me. At night when they come in my yars they make noise and make sure I hear them take stuff. They know I am not going to come out, and I don’t if I hear more than one person because with whatever weapon, and I don’t have a gun, I cannot take two people, or more. Yesterday, a bunch of men were standing not too far from my fence. They looked like hikers so I just did my own thing in the back of the chalet, thinking they would leave eventually. Well all of a sudden, I saw one prick walk inside my fenced yard. It’s always locked but he jumped over. He saw I was in the back. He caught me by surprise. It’s always when one thinks it will be ok that s*** happens. Since I was surprised I had no weapon handy. I just yelled and told him to get out immediately as he was coming really close to me and laughing like he was drunk. He was laughing at me yelling at him. I then took a stick and started hitting him. Only then did he change mood and started walking out, screaming at me that I was some crazy chick. He was drunk and didn’t have much strength. He later sent a cop to come and take a look around here. I then went to get the camera. I always film a lot of these pricks so that 10 years from now when I am ready to kill them (lol), I will have their faces on film so that I don’t forget them. The filming also works pretty well for the Swiss as they are afraid of the authorities and the filming is the only way to scare some a little bit. As for me I will never go to the cops anymore in this country. I know they won’t help. They have proven it many times and even if I played the game of working in security so they would think I was on their side, it only helped in the sense that they had stopped harrassing me, driving by my place on regular basis.

Then to top the day yesterday, a couple of neighbors ( one of them is always in a chalet nearby and must own it) walked around and near my fence, and stopping to take pictures, pictures of the scenery but also of my chalet. That act had happened before, but when Shadow was there, the f***s would take pictures from afar, not come too close. Shadow would bark as soon as people were in the vicinity.

Another thing that happened the other day and that would never happen when Shadow was here: a man pissed in front of my chalet, and clearly in my direction so that I could see him. Again I so wanted to shoot him but I didn’t. They were 2 guys.

What a crummy quality of life I have had to endure, living in this country. Living with the big dog, people would want us out, and living alone with Shiva, people f*** with us openly. I feel bullied more than anything. Swiss are more afraid of a dog than a woman with a weapon. They laugh at a woman with a weapon (whatever weapon because they don’t think a woman has the guts to use it). These people look for s*** even more because they want to see how upset the woman can get. And if she dares defend herself with a weapon of any kind, they will file charges against her and she will pay, “who does she think she is , this WOMAN!”. So sure I could get another dog and live in this filth until they kill him too. But no , no more dogs. Shiva is my king and I’ll do my best to protect him for as long as I can.

As much as I know there are better people in the world than this filthy Swiss and the other crumb-bags who decide to live among them, and as much as I have tried hard to change my thinking process, I still grew up in this shit. And the only reason I can find, for the fact that I can’t attract anything really good in my life to get me out of this Swiss gutter forever, is because that Swiss filth that I received as a child, until I was 17 (minus one year abroad when I was 12) is so deep in me that it’s like a disease inside me that I can’t exterminate. It’s like my insides are contaminated. They are rotten. Despite all my efforts to have fun , treat myself, take care of myself, do good and have a positive attitude, I can’t get through the scum that was planted in me ( I know I am a little dramatic here). I guess either I am not that strong to heradicate that filth because my sadness and my fears reappear every now and then, or that filth is just too deep in me that no matter how hard I try, I can never attract great good for myself. And even if I still hope for great things, I can never get rid of that filth.

I have also realized these days that hoping to win millions, hoping for a better life is useless. I have hoped and played lotto for 12 years now, or more but have wanted it badly ever since I got Shiva, and wanted it more and more when I had Shadow , and never did I win. I am starting to have that feeling that I am doomed. I am at the end. I will do everything I can to make Shiva happy. I think I will pack my bags very soon and go back to the US, and manage somehow, without money, without papers…. Because I want my Shiva to have a better life. If I can make him live another 5 , 6 years in the US, working as a slave , and when he gets tired of living, I’ll come back to hell and do my job, get my and my dogs’ revenge. One needs a plan in life. Even when life sucks, one needs a plan. Even if I am so happy today because I have come to agree with my reality instead of pushing the dream that hasn’t happened ( the dream was to give Shiva and Shadow a real good stable house) , I am not suicidal. Even if I end up in jail later on, I will always cherish my memories, whether they were the love periods with my boys, or the fun I had in the US when I was young.

　

　

Sept 18th

I got this cabin/ chalet place for me Shadow and Shiva, for us to have a garden, a piece of grass to ourselves, and because the place is slightly isolated. Well on week-ends many people who have chalets come and stay around here. During the week, especially after the summer, it is quite calm; not too many hikers, nor cars, nor people staying in their chalets. So the only times I have ever enjoyed this place is when there is no one around. I had met a guy with huskies in the area who took very bad care of them in the summer, but he was an “ally”. He had problems with his neighbors who were complaining about the noise from his dogs. Huskies don’t even bark most of the time, they howl like wolves which makes less of an annoying sound than barking, but people still complain, go to the cops, slash tires, etc. We had talked about people poisoning dogs in this country, and he had told me that the people around here were complaining but he didn’t think they wouldn’t poison the dogs. Funny thing a few months after, we had stopped talking ( he was Swiss after all : so even if married, he assumed I would have sex with him at some point. Never happened so he got upset and stopped talking to me. I thought I had made every effort to not flirt the least bit but being nice and talking on a regular basis is already “provocation” is Switzerhell). He and his family moved, sold their chalet. I have a feeling it was because of the neighbors, complaining about his dogs and driving his family nuts. True that these dogs needed a bigger piece of land, but Swiss people don’t worry about keeping dogs happy and healthy, they just complain about what is bothering their precious peace which they expect when they go to the country side. In France , one can see a bit of a difference. And don’t tell me it’s a bigger country. But if you go to the country side, people are easier on dogs barking than in the city. We went through a few insults, in Paris for a year, but I know for a fact that many people live in the country side , in other parts of France and people are more tolerable towards animals making noise. Even though I have heard that near the border of Switzerhell, there is a bunch of French people who are complaining about cowbells and trying to get a law forbidding the bells… Well according to my theory, the part of France that touches Switzerhell is contaminated. Living in Paris was not healthy on a psychological level, because the French would throw insults at my dog’s breed a lot, but the French will bark and yap a lot. It doesn’t mean they will attack in any way or stab you in the back. No one tried to kick us out of the building we were living in, nor poison my dog. I am not saying dog poisoning doesn’t exist in France because it does, but in the percentage of the population, the bastards are only a minority compared to Switzerhell where they are a majority.

So I had gotten this waterless place which didn’t have electricity when I moved in. I had it installed. But it was this little cabin, wooden thing where we could sleep at night without having neighbors mess with my nights. I thought it would be great, and people would be further and maybe leave us alone. As soon as I realized that people were messing with me here too, in smaller ways at first, like stealing some tools, bucket, pissing against my fence, flashing us with bright lights from their chalets as I was walking my dogs at night about half a mile away from their chalet, jumping over my fence to look through the window, etc, I knew it was either because I was a woman alone or had a dog of an unwanted breed. I started letting my dog bark to let me know when there was someone around. I would get nervous or check when there was a car parking right in front of or in the back of my place. I started hating seeing people walk by, hating more when they would stop and stare. Now that Shadow is not there, I can’t bear it when I hear a car parking near by. I hate these people so much. This includes being scared that the people would come to mess with me and me wanting to or maybe killing them, or people shooting me just because they can, or them attacking me and Shiva because they don’t like us and there are no witnesses around. Etc, etc. I can’t stand a car coming near and stopping anymore. When I look at the situation from afar, I realize I am exaggerating but my feeling are there, exaggerated. They killed my boy and I want to kill them. Shiva is the only one who is stopping me. I am slowly getting paranoid because I feel like they could feel how badly I want to kill these people for what they have done to us through the years and taken my boy away from me. I still have my little boy, thank god.

　

September 22nd

Happy birthday Shiva!

On the news in Switzerhell: Today and more and more, people are informed about the police crimes. I say it’s better than nothing. I know that there are bigger crimes that people will never hear about, but at least cops are being exposed, not fired most of the times, but exposed to the media for their actions like the cops who filmed women being searched at the police station ( naked search), or other cops suspected of touching young girls. These female things are small petty crimes for Switzerhell. People say men will be men. Since this is a country where rape has to be “proven ” and witnessed, even women know that men raping or touching females in various circumstances are facts of life.

Another thing on the news: Farmers are being paid less and less. As much as I am not a fan of these people individually, since I have had proof of their heartless natures when the farmer who threatened to shoot my big dog because we were walking on a path where his daughter was riding her bike and she was really scared ( my dog hardly noticed her go by on her bicycle). I will always remember the day he showed me his gun and told me he could shoot on the spot. That happened outside with a few buildings around, so people saw and heard him. To them, the farmer was right , as usual, against a dog of the hated breeds. But as a group, as a profession, I like farmers.

The other farmer is the one who lives, in the summer only, across the street from my chalet. He and his workers used to insult and threatened my dog when he barked, which meant I couldn’t leave my dogs in the garden, outside with the door of the chalet open. With the things they said I was too afraid that they would poison him or shoot him, or open the door of the fence for my dogs to go loose and get killed in some way ( that often happens when people want to do something against dogs and they don’t have the “guts” to poison them). Well , having a chalet and a yard/ garden, I had to take my dogs in the car when I was teaching French and English. I used to teach a bit far away two hours in the morning, and then at lunch at then 2 hours again, in the evening. I should have been able to leave them in the yard at least for half of the day. But knowing these bastards, and knowing that there weren’t many witnesses around, I had to take the poor dogs in the car, the whole day. Well, we would go for a walk in the morning after my first classes, and then in the afternoon, in between classes. But still these hours in the car shouldn’t have been. It was summer and the windows were wide open and I used to worry that they’d be too hot. They could also have been poisoned in the car, with all the windows open. But if when one stays at one place only a few hours, people know we will leave and don’t poison the dogs in the car, usually. And last winter, I am not sure who poisoned my dog. It could have been that farmer or anyone else.

Well farmers are now protesting because the country is paying them less and less ( milk is always cheaper). And that while CEO’s and bankers are being paid more and more. Some farmers are protesting by wasting milk, pouring it on the street. Their protests are not getting any results. I don’t know why the Swiss government doesn’t want to keep its farmers. Apparently it wants to keep only the rich ones, because they are the only ones who will survive this crisis.

September 27th

I met this dude through the web. Sometimes I go on the web to see what the international community does, in Switzerhell. They have parties for expats. I went to a few. Last time I laughed when the expat group who organizes parties said that the next party was in an open space so they couldn’t control the Swiss coming in. There was a warning sign on the website: “There may be some Swiss”, and it was a serious note. Funny to me. To show you that even the expats who are not much smarter for choosing to live in Switzerhell, hate the Swiss, can’t stand them. They already have to deal with them at the post office and at the supermarket. I was once teaching French to a group of ladies, wives of expats. When they realized I was on “their side “, agreeing with them on many subjects, they opened up to telling all these stories of what happened to them in town, like men not giving them any respect, the Swiss acting weird and primitive, etc. That was funny too for me. It was very shocking to them, but I had heard and lived all that stuff before.

Anyway I was on the web a while back and had met this single expat, who to this day I haven’t met in person yet. But we have talked on the phone since we don’t live in the same town and he travels a lot for business. Anyway we were talking yesterday on the phone, and I told him how I lived in a chalet. I usually don’t want to brag about living without running water and very little comfort, and don’t like to tell people until I know them , especially if it’s a guy that I may like and want to date him. If he knows that I take showers only once a day , or up there with a cloth and some soap and water in a big cooking pot, he may run away. He said in a shocked voice : ” So what if in the morning you feel like splashing your face with water? and wash your hands?” Good point. What if? Well I don’t feel like doing these things because I can’t. There are enough things I feel like doing and I can’t, to worry about splashing my face with water. I have Evian water sprays, I have baby wipes, I have bottled water, and cleaning lotion for the face. Yes running water is a luxury, but as much as I wish for a lottery winning that would enable me to leave this country forever, buy a home with running water, and lots of land around it, in a country that I like and have little dog friends for Shiva, I don’t really care about this water thing. I manage. I also told him, my stove heats up with wood only so I have to either buy wood or go to the forest and get wood and cut it. Not to mention that the temperature for cooking sort of depends on how the fire is doing. The heat in the room depends on how the fire is doing too. I also have to get water from the well ( not too clean) in a bucket for the toilet. I fill the bucket up during the day and bring it inside ready to be poured. I pour the water in after I do number 2 only. It’s true it’s a bit heavy to lift the bucket full of water in the morning and aim for the toilet. It’s much easier to flush, one takes it for granted. The TV which I bought the new digital antenna for, doesn’t always work. It worked better back in the days when we had the old antenna system. Now it works for a while and then, it messes up. This guy was shocked to hear people live like that. It’s not really a big deal to me. I wanted to be in an isolated place. True, this place was for Shadow. Shiva and me are still here because I am jobless and waiting to relocate when I get work. I was happy to live like this for Shadow and Shiva to have a little bit of land of their own. Now that Shadow was poisoned, I can’t let Shiva go outside by himself without checking on him every 10 minutes, and also keep the window and the door open so I can hear if someone comes near. That’s the worst part right now, living here. I am so nervous, someone would hurt Shiva. I know they hated the breed of my big dog, but who knows what these idiot Swiss hate now besides the fact that I am a woman living alone and that is abnormal to them. They have made me pay for that in the past, so I am on guard and it’s tiring. That’s the thing I hate about living here. Other than that, I don’t care about the lack of luxury that much. It’s the country side so I do get a lot of quiet time at night and during the week when it’s not sunny.

I have tried to summarize this Swiss filth and I have come up with this: There are 3 categories in Switzerhell: The filthy rich which are made of some Swiss and foreigners who are extremely rich, then very wealthy, and overpaid CEOs. They make money off poor people and children all over the world. They scam and rip people off and some are part of major crime organizations. For some reason, these filthy rich people pay very little taxes, compared to the amount of money they make and they have.

Then you have the working poor. Poor is not because they don’t have money but because their minds are poor, or they’re not willing to work fulltime, which is my case . Some are unproductive, ungrateful and grow to be arrogant and vicious. They can make good money for any lame job. Switzerhell is known to have high salaries, in general. These people pay regular taxes which tend to seem like a lot. They get frustrated but don’t show their anger because they know that they are lucky to get that much money for the amount of work they do. So they keep it in, just like every feeling that they have been taught to keep inside since they were kids, as Swiss citizens. These people take it out on others. They backstab others for little things, like someone parking in their spot, or seeing a dog peeing near their fence or house, having a neighbor that has more than them in some way. They backstab in doing things like slashing tires, stealing mail, etc, etc.

The third category is the unemployed, retired and the illegal aliens. They have more time on their hands to help category 2 with the backstabbing, and they steal ( which, category 1 and 2 pride themselves on not stealing).

The 3 categories commit crimes and number 1 gets away with it always, number 2 if they are men and category 3 if they know someone…

September 30th

Mr Polanski has been arrested…. An official administrator of the Swiss government is on the news tonight saying that the Swiss police was right to arrest Mr Polanski because Switzerlhell follows the rules, acts according to the law and is a nation that always insists on doing the right thing. He said that with a serious face. His whole speech could have been a comedy. Mr Polanski has owned a chalet in Gstaad, Switzerhell for years and has been coming at least four times a year to his chalet. He is known to ski a lot, to dine out and walk the streets. He hasn’t been hiding. This story illustrates well how the Swiss keep rich criminals safe and happy. Even some Swiss say today that it’s really hypocritical to all of a sudden arrest Mr Polanski when tons of people knew that he was in Gstaad many times throughout the year. There was no police outside his chalet to wait for the next time he would come there, and arrest him! When I had pepper sprayed a lady in a ski resort after Shiva had been attacked, the cops all over the country had been trying to find me because it happened in a famous ski resort and the cops said that a woman was not going to get away with anything like that. The cops in the ski resort talked to the cops in the town I lived and the day I came home , they called me to tell me that I was called to appear at the police station at the ski resort. At that time they weren’t even sure it was me. They had no proof. It was when I went up there that the lady recognized me when the cops drove me around, telling me they were going to show me where the incident happened, when they were really taking me somewhere where the lady who had been sprayed was hiding and from where she could see me.

This country makes me SICK! Mr Polanski has been travelling not only in Switzerhell, but in other countries, while he was convicted of sexual assault on a 14 year old girl. I was 14 once. I remember, I was a child. The Swiss and the French are saying that a 13, 14 year old girl can be very mature. Right…

The fact is that Mr Polanski was going to appear in a big event where the Swiss couldn’t lie and say they didn’t see him! So because they want to keep a relationship with the US, they all of a sudden said they caught Mr Polanski. After all, the only power Switzerhell has over the US is the amount of money, dirty money most of the time, that they keep for them in banks. Now things are changing a bit. The US has threatened , demanded to see a number of accounts of their citizens. The Americans who want to avoid being “discovered” on a Swiss bank list, will simply reside in Switzerhell now. They will have their residency in Switzerhell so that the US won’t be able to get them for their large amounts of money. When you’re filthy rich, it is so easy to get residency anywhere. The poor workers from Africa or Eastern European countries, have a hard time getting residency! Some are even deported, even if their children are legally Swiss. Not too long ago, there was this Indian guy in Basel who had worked as a street cleaner, paid taxes , for some 15 years. He was liked by citizens who knew him. Even with a job like that, he was the one who always had a smile on his face, who was helping people ( thing that Swiss people don’t do). And he was deported!

Come on it’s time the world sees this country for what it is. The scum of humanity! And Muslim extremists go after the US for capitalism and sinful ways of living! Come on!

October 10th

There is a famous Swiss writer ( no it’s not worth mentioning his name) who was interviewed on prime time Swiss TV. He wrote a lot about the women in his life, resembling his mother. The interviewer asks him about that. He got offended and responded that his relationship with his mother was pure and he never desired her. He said that psychology is sometimes wrong. His mother was always fully covered around the house and he never had any “bad”thoughts. This supposedly educated man writes about his mother in a sexual way and about the women in his life who had traits of or resemblance to his mother. Swiss people are so used to being hypocritical about everything that they can’t even hold a conversation and make some sense! Even on TV!

October 14th

I am still surviving, living in this country. It’s amazing. My sadistic subconscious probably wants me to go to the point where I either kill someone or just go nuts. These people are idiotically repugnant. I really am getting to the point where I can’t bear it. I know I must be doing this to myself, because I have always gone back and forth from the US to Switzerhell whether it was on vacation or for some other found reason. I have had a foot in the US and one in Switzerhell for 21 years, at least. I keep coming back to Switzersh** because I have residency and things like my mother and what not, but looking at it from afar, I realize what a looser I have been, to want to hurt myself by coming back so often for so long. I hate the place and it hates me. Actually it hated me first and in return I started to hate it more and more. One can’t be bullied forever, nor adapt to it. Even if it is tough love, because I have learned a lot in Switzerhell, like how low people can go and be, how dull, unpassionate, unloving, stupid and unnecessary humans can be, how vicious they can be for little things when they have a decent comfortable life,and how hypocritical a whole nation can be.

I had to get out of the chalet because pricks were messing with me, coming in my yard and being their Swiss if-you-can’t-be-like-us-get out-of-here selves. They know they succeeded killing my dog, and now they want me to act the way they want me to, or get out. I could kill them but they always come in two or more these days, so I couldn’t. Without a gun I can’t kill 2 men! Or I’d be really good! Anyway, the last thing that made me want to kill them and cried a lot instead was one punk was hanging over my fence calling me and screaming that he didn’t see my big dog anymore ( as if I was supposed to come out and confirm to him that my dog died), then another was in his car that was parked right there up the muddy hill, close to me fence, and was also calling me by my last name and telling me to come out, he had something to say. I didn’t answer since I knew it was some old f*** just messing with me. The guy started walking all around the fence and trying to see through the windows and calling. I was thinking of using the fire extinguisher on his face , but as I was trying to see where he was exactly, without him seeing me, I fell and knocked over my huge pot of water that I had boiled twice and that was ready for me to wash myself. I didn’t have any other clean water after that, and I had just made a big fire and it was warm enough in there, so I wasn’t about to get more water in my pot and wait until it boils ( the fire has to be really swell for the stove to get hot and the large amount of water to boil). So anyway, I knocked this whole water down because I fell , and I started to realize that I couldn’t take this life any more. I am poor, living like a poor person which I wouldn’t mind so much if bastards would leave me alone. I liked that chalet because it was slightly isolated, and with Shadow, not too many people would bother us. They would back stab but everyday life was better than in a studio in an apartment building. Me and Shiva have been surviving in there for a while now, and that’s it. I can no more. This country is only safe for a single woman if she lives in a city with lots of people she knows well around her, and especially lots of people that will have her back, visiting her , etc.

So I rented a room in a farm 70 miles from the chalet. They have 3 dogs, cats and cows. I feel safer at least. The farmers haven’t messed with me yet. I keep a distance of course. I don’t mingle, have tea or coffee, and hopefully they will leave me alone for 2 weeks. The good thing when you own your place in Switzerhell is that you can put heat when you want. Every room or apartment building in the country is set on low heat in the day time and no heat at night. I like the opposite, warmer at night than during the day, just like some other cultures I have heard. I freeze at night, even under the covers. Nose and cheeks all red…

At the chalet, there is the electrician who started to fix the electricity last year and never finished. He now wants to come right now and I have to be there for him because now is when he is available and he has to finish! Again, had I been a man, I wouldn’t be treated like that. The electricity would have been be totally installed last year. This guy waited a year to call me that he was ready to come and finish the job. I am not going up there for this asshole. These people are going to force me to sell the place. My mother can get her money back and I am going to keep living like a gypsy, moving apartments when it gets unbearable. I really can’t live anywhere in this country without having people messing with me until I move out. I am a woman, I am single, Swiss and I should according to them, be extremely friendly and tamed ( wanting to talk to them for hours, invite them over, go their chalet, eat the same food as them think the same thoughts as them dress like they do, etc etc ) and submissive to everyone. I know for a fact that if I spent the hundreds of hours kissing their feet, maybe I would only be bothered once or twice a month by whoever ( a man) thinks he should be rewarded ( affection) for having been nice to me.

It’s like some Swiss women say: “dogs only listen to men”. It’s funny how these Swiss females love their positions, where they run to their men for everything. Don’t tell them they should fight for their rights because it would be make them think too much and stress them out! God forbid, their little submissive position with the right to vote and to work is enough, is great for them, and don’t nobody bother them! I tried to tell them once or twice and they insulted me and told me I was a man!

October 15

In Switzerhell I need to watch American series in order to feel better. I hardly watch TV when I am in the US. But I am taking the opportunity to be in this lame country to watch TV, a lot of TV. Some shows are in English, plus you can watch the whole series without commercials… Well there is a positive thing about Switzerhell! Of course in the US you have TVO, but here watching these shows without interruption works for me.

　

October 18th

My plight is to show the world the scum of the Swiss aside from the fact that I personally hate their ways, such as their right to stare and stare at a woman, and she is supposed to like it. Or their sheep mentality where if you’re in a gym, at the supermarket, in a movie theater, people will gather like a herd instead of using the space wisely, standing in line like human beings. Herds of animals don’t even push each other that much. I also want the world to see the viciousness of these Swiss people who sometimes appear nice and reserved.

There was one positive thing about Switzerhell 30 years ago, which was not a big thing but it was the fact that people didn’t steal small stuff like clothing, keys, etc if you lost them or forgot them somewhere. That’s gone. And no, it is not because of immigration, like the Swiss will say. The Swiss are just getting lamer and lamer. The whole population is attaining its peak of scum-ness. Some will find excuses and say that it’s the time in the Universe. In many countries you will still find a good amount of people who strive to do good or at least better! I have seen it even in countries like France and Germany.

At the gym, they stole my towel. The guy who works at the gym told me people almost never give back towels when they lend them to people. The gym in Switzerhell is much more expensive than the US even if some are cheaper. They cost from 800 to 1400$ a year. And these people steal towels… The gym is starting to fine people who don’t return towels. They didn’t need to do that 20 years ago because people would always return towels. If not the day of, the next time they came. The Swiss don’t steal because they need a towel, they steal because something bothered them.

I have found a gym with windows and space and high ceilings, where I got a one month membership ( one month shouldn’t give these people too much time to realize that I am not like them, and bug me). Usually gyms are underground or with few windows, or windows people are not allowed to open ( except some men the personnel will let). This gym is in an old factory building so it’s bright, is gets a lot of sun. I haven’t been told I couldn’t open the windows yet, so I keep opening them. I got in today and it stunk so bad I am not sure if people don’t realize they or their friends stink, or if they’re so into their work out they haven’t noticed ( lol), or if they are so used to not opening the windows at home when the heat is on ( the Swiss never open the windows for long in the cold months even if their heating systems are strong enough that if they open for a few hours daily, it heats back up quickly). These people so stink. I know I have a sensitive nose ( maybe I am a reptilian), but I still say they could get in the habit of taking showers in the morning when they get up because they don’t if they know they are going to take a shower after the gym… I remember going to the gym on week-ends in the US and always smelling clean people ( I can smell soap if people just took a shower). Before dance class, same thing. I appreciate that.

This gym also has big windows to let the sun come in. Instead of opening the windows, getting some air and letting the sun give heat and light, they like to keep the windows closed, and roll down the blinds. They hate going to the gym and they must hate the sun and fresh air. I heard women talking in the lockers’ room after an aerobics class. They were saying how they have tricks to make themselves come to work out because they don’t like to work out, it’s such a drag and tiring. They said that going to the gym right after work, before going home, was one way to get motivated, or during lunch time, and then they’re done with it, they said. I understand that even some Americans don’t enjoy the gym fully and do it out of habit or something they must do, but I have also seen in the US, so many people enjoy their work out, laugh and make it fun. In Switzerhell, that’s another reason why they stare at me, because they see I enjoy it, even if I don’t laugh because I keep to myself now in this “fun” country… And it bugs them that I like what I am doing and that I am not “suffering”, working out. I know that one of the reasons that whenever I walk away from a machine I am working on ( even if my towel is on there), someone wants my machine and takes it or stands in front like a zombie to show me she or he wants it. I hate the gym here, even I like working out. I had stopped going, but after a while I need it like a good drug. The atmosphere is unbearable among these Swiss people trying to work out. I have gone from ( 3 years ago) ignoring these people and trying to find one or two dudes I could talk to , to have them on my “side ” to make the atmosphere decent, to getting angry and telling people to stop staring, or get their own machines. Then within the last year or so, I am not looking at people at all, moving away from them without saying a word when they steal my machine without asking, when my towel is still on it. Now I can’t bear their energies. I am not looking at them but I can feel their scum, their negative energies, plus I have to smell their filth… Imagine. I know I know, people are starving in the world, so these little things seem like little nothing. But I am just comparing industrialized rich countries and behaviors. In the gyms in Switzerhell the equipment is so new and looks so unused, and they often have the best of what technology offers. Talk about an ungrateful people who have the best of everything and still hunt people down and make their lives miserable when their target has a dog of a breed they don’t approve of, or live in a manner they don’t approve of, or come from a country they don’t approve of.

Oct 19th

I am renting a room in a farm, which I found on a Swiss tourism site. I needed to get out of that chalet with all these pricks who were bugging me. It’s safer here, a big house, big family, farm. No one messes with them and they don’t mess with me. So that part is good. Well, I got here a week ago, met the woman of the house, nice lady ( well she rents out 4 rooms in her house so she is used to having lots of tourists around and since no one else in the family is nice, she does the job. Her husband has never been introduced to me. I see people dining in the kitchen and I sort of guessed who he was, but otherwise I hear him walk up and down the stairs late at night and in the morning. I try to avoid him because not having been introduced and seeing him look at me with his nasty Swiss eyes from the kitchen table when I pass by, he doesn’t seem friendly, like most Swiss. He doesn’t have to make an effort, I paid for the room already. I am sure he is friendlier when it’s a couple, or a man alone who comes to stay here. Last night his wife was out. Her car was not there. He slammed some doors at 10:30 pm and that woke me up and freaked me out. I had just fallen asleep. I knew she wasn’t in. The grown children live in other houses in the village, they don’t sleep in this house as far as I know. They just come in for the meals. Needless to say I barely slept last night since my room door doesn’t lock..

I get to use the kitchen after hours, like in the morning after they have breakfast, or in the afternoon , in between their lunch and dinner. It’s not very convenient plus today, the man was watching TV in the living room to which I don’t have access. It was 3 pm and I was washing my salad. He was clearing his throat over and over to let me know he was there and I was using too much water, I was letting the faucet run in order to wash my salad. I wash my salad one leaf at a time. The Swiss wash their salad in a bowl. It doesn’t wash very well, but they save water. Yes good for the planet. It’s not for that, it’s because it’s been like that for generations. Some men beat their wives because the wives use too much water.

I am paying 300 francs per week which is now about 280 dollars. We’re not in a big city, we’re in a village on flat land about 4 miles from the ugly lake ( lake of Neuchatel is uglier than the Lac Leman, Lake of Geneva). It’s really too expensive for it is. But I wanted to get out of the chalet before I killed someone, so I am here for 2 weeks.

　

Oct 22

I have written about how the law of attraction works with the Swiss in the sense that they could care less about others and they find happy feelings in their luxury houses. The law of attraction says that one has to feel the joy to attract more of it. Well, the Swiss feel the comfort, the confidence, and they attract more. They however don’t care about others, and don’t worry about them, nor think about them. I found that back in the days we noticed Swiss people carrying a lot of guilt and feeling uncomfortable in their skin. Well they still feel uncomfortable in their skin as soon as their environment is not like they re used to having, but the guilt is gone. The feeling uncomfortable in their skin attracts the need to make others’ lives uncomfortable. They can be so vicious to their neighbors, co-workers, fellow citizens for small things. They don’t “care” about people to help them but they care about how they live their life, to punish them for anything they decide is not right. They don’t feel guilty about that behavior at all like they used to. They used to go out of their way to hide to make sure no one saw them . Well now they are a bit more careless because they are so confident in their crooked morals! They never ever go out of their way to help others ( when they do it’s their family or an obligation to someone) , they don’t even know what that concept means: help others for no other reason than help others… But they will waste their energy to mess with others, to make people’s lives miserable, without feeling any guilt any more. They keep their happy feelings and attract happy feelings. It even makes them laugh when others suffer, and I mean grown people not just kids. These are respected people in society… not mentally disturbed individuals! Right. My point is they have got the law of attraction down in one way. If one is happy hurting others, should the law of attraction work too? and attract more happiness and comfort for these fools?

When is the world going to realize that these Swiss are a lost breed of humans that in turn breed the worst potential psychopaths. It is getting worse especially when you know that these Swiss f***s are getting stronger because more confident and happy while destroying who ever has less money than them or is a woman. The world has started to feel this negative growing energy but the world is only addressing the tip of the iceberg, like the Jews of New York knew already a while back something was going wrong in Switzerhell when they claimed their money, and we all know how much the Swiss have a habit of wanting to keep those billions in their banks.

All the rich foreigners who live in Switzerhell refuse to mix with the Swiss because they think the Swiss are just boring. They love them from afar, from their mansions. They were saying that the Jews should have recuperated their money after the war. They were saying, like the Swiss, that it was unbelievable that they used the power of the US to back them up on getting money that belonged to their fellow deceased Jews but not necessarily to them. Didn’t I tell you that the Swiss and their rich thug friends were all scumbags?

Oct 22nd

I was trying to figure out why I couldn’t stand Swiss people around me, because it is one thing to say I hate their guts but explain: So the Swiss or whoever lives in Switzerhell is used to people doing things the same way all the time. People talk the same, think the same overall, eat the same, a lot of cheesy stuff, flirt the same, look at other people the same, dance the same ( LOL), walk the same, dress the same, etc. If one person comes into their sight with a different way of doing a thing they do a certain way, it throws them off and they all react the same. At the gym, people work out slowly, sit on their machine in between sets, look at other people with a tired oblivious look like life is tough but let’s keep going. Working out is not fun. Life is not fun to them. They’re like an old person who can’t see well nor hear well and hasn’t seen much in her or his life. Animals don’t look at you this stupidly. Animals whether predatory or not, kind of look maybe with a blunt look or simple stare. The Swiss, what they really want to know is if you don’t do things like them. And you, as non-conformist should give all your positivism to them , to pay your dues for being different, or they will hate your guts. They want to know what you do, what you eat, how many times a week you train, why you train the way you do, etc. I mean there are some people who are curious and find a person interesting. For the Swiss it’s not like that. They so hate it that you are not like them, that they feel entitled to getting something from you. It’s as if an alien came down , and they had to know to receive gifts from the alien before even deciding whether to greet the alien or not. At the gym, when you work out, you are in a somewhat intimate state, in a sweaty-moving your body state that is different from when you are fully dressed and are in a public setting. For me, when I go to the gym which I like, I like to let go, feel good, be me, hence the need for a welcoming atmosphere. When people mind their own business like in many gyms in the US, even if not everybody is super happy, I never feel the heavy atmosphere that is in Switzerhell. The few Swiss who do work out in a special way either for another sport, or professionally, they love their fellow citizens asking them questions, and good for them if they have the time and enjoy to smile at everyone to make sure they don’t hate her or him because she or he is different. I unlike most people I presume, am sensitive to energies because it is a place where one is supposed to let go and have a moment for themselves. Like I always say, if you walk around a remote village in Africa, people will stare at you with a smile because they might want a few dollars. In Switzerhell they will stare at you with an opposite smile ( corners of the mouth down) because they might want to poke you in the eye for daring to walk around , being different than them. The one thing you can be sure when you land in Switzerhell is that you will have to make the first step in being nice, even if you’re a client.

I can assure you that it’s not a pleasant place, and I am just talking about little things like energies and being nice. Of course we know about all the corruption, the dirty money and the scams of the banks that are hidden behind the beautiful picture of the Alps.

　

Oct 22

Tonight I am watching this show on immigration in Switzerhell. They’re showing the church groups who collect money for foreigners who, after having received a rejection to the requisition to stay in the country. Some foreigners who come from countries with real political problems and wars: Switzerhell will give these people a place to live, good money to live on, and sometimes the right to work. These people get more money than I get from unemployment. However, as soon as some of these foreigners get a letter saying that their authorization to stay in the country was rejected, they get much less money and a deadline to leave the country. The church groups are appalled. Have they checked with other countries? That’s how it works almost all over the world, if you’re not allowed to stay in a country, then you’re supposed to leave…. hello… The church groups say that it’s shocking that these foreigners have to live with so little money and that it is sad. Most of them have a place to stay. If they had just arrived, then they are put in camping grounds which are really luxurious camping grounds compared to other countries. They have running water, heat, TV. There are large comfortable caravan-like square metallic moveable buildings. These people have more luxury than me in my cabin. Yes I chose to live in this cabin for the little piece of grass around, instead of a balcony or no balcony in a studio. The inside of the cabin is not bigger than a small studio. I am not complaining. These foreigners cry for help and beg for money at the church because they say they are treated like animals! Please! They must be talking about the few well-treated cats and dogs in the country! Because many dogs and cattle sleep outside in Switzerhell. These foreigners are illegal and they are given money, little but still money to live on.

These church groups somehow feel sorry for them when there are a number of unemployed Swiss or other people who live quietly without complaining , having a hard time to feed their family. These church people are the same people who decide a breed of dog is not supposed to live in their village, and if they do, they will join others who act against the owner of such a dog, to get them to leave the village. It is outrageous how these Swiss f***s don’t make any sense! But that’s how they feel. Everyone is entitled to his opinion and feelings; if they judge foreigners who have been rejected, to be good enough to get respect and help to get more money, when they judge that a person ( Swiss or not usually) with a dog they don’t like , to be good enough not to get respect, peace to live their life without having to defend themselves, and to be thrown out of their apartment. Go Switzerhell, great sense of morality!

　

People should be honored to have animals in their towns. They should be honored to have the opportunity to look at, feel the energies of different kinds of animals, different breeds of dogs, etc. I know that is just my own opinion. People from all over the world are killing animals so much that many species, beautiful species mind you, are almost extinct. I realize that poor people in some countries have one and only one opportunity to make a living, and that is to kill animals for other people. But in rich countries, like I know in the US and Canada, and some European countries, people value animals and pets, even if there is a minority of people that mistreats animals even in those countries. But the real difference is “minority”. In Switzerhell there is a small minority ( in an already small country) that truly loves animals and take cares of them one way or another. There are no ways of helping animals. The few organizations where you can volunteer at, have restrictions and strict schedules for you to work. The volunteers also witness atrocities, and can’t do anything about it. It is impossible! Ask me, it is stupid. Maybe in 30 years, they will realize that if they rethought their volunteer programs, they would have a few more people signing up, even if the Swiss don’t volunteer that much, it’s a fact. The wives of expats, or other foreigners do. Well it’s better than nothing I guess.

When the Swiss will go to the US and learn about volunteer programs in shelters, maybe they’ll realize how lame they are. They might even take a few things and use them at home. I am very hopeful. Everything is copied on the US, Canada. Any new thing that comes up is a copy, in all fields. Of course you’ll tell me, there are some organizations with brains and qualities, like the EPFL; the CERN, the CHUV: all the research places that often come up with several new discoveries. How many Swiss work in those places again? A small minority. Most of the scientists are people from all corners of the world. These Swiss organizations are filthy rich and have the money to hire the best of the world.

　

Nov 18th

Well I needed to go back to the US for 3 weeks. Since I don’t spend money on anything, really in Switzerhell, I saved up a bit to take this other trip this year because I so needed it. It’s been amazing. When I left Swiss ground on a flight, with Shiva in my bag under the seat in front of me. I was thrilled. The first time this year Shiva and me went to the US, I was a mess, I had lost my big boy and was very sad. But this second time I could actually enjoy life a bit. We then had a stop-over in Europe and finally left European grounds, and it was really a great sensation. We arrived in the US and suddenly forgot all about Switzerhell. I love how I can do that. I think Shiva does it with me too! We were waiting for our hotel shuttle, thirsty and tired, but so happy, standing there… breathing….. and feeling ok with society….. feeling like people around were human, relaxed, normal.

Not knowing where we were going but not caring. I had a reservation at an airport hotel so me and Shiva could go to the Matrix Energetics seminar that first week-end. I thought I needed that seminar to give me hope to go with this life in a positive way. As soon as we got off the plane, I realized we were in a “normal ” country ( unlike Switzerhell), where people are nice, smiling ( well not everyone but enough people to make it shocking compared to Switzerhell), talking to me with common sense. At the hotel, they were very welcoming( it may seem normal to some people but to a Swiss it doesn’t ). I was so happy to be there. I attended the Matrix seminar with Shiva. I didn’t get much. It is very new for me. I was frustrated but also glad to see all the stuff that was going on. Since I have lived in Switzerhell for many years I don’t trust humans much so I tended to doubt some of the stuff Richard said or did. What first got to me was a dog: a service dog who was on stage with his owner and behaved in a way that I knew there was something happening as far as transformation for the dog’s owner. I trust dogs more than people so I started believing there was something to this from that point on. It’s not like they could have trained the dog to act the way he did. I still had a hard time understanding a lot of the stuff that was talked about, but I felt like this could be a start to something. Of course my great wish that a miracle would happen to me in the next 2 weeks so that I could stay in the US instead of going back to Hell. But I was too eager , wanting too much too fast as usual… So here I am 3 days before my plane leaves… I was supposed to leave last Sunday but I extended my trip to another week. That was good already. But that was the only miracle I could make happen. I can’t even think of going back to That place because I feel so good in this town, state, country.

Within the 3 weeks though some of the things I noticed was how the economy had closed down a lot of places since the time I lived here as a student. The economy going down was really noticeable for me on different levels. All businesses are cutting down, cutting back. It’s sad. In Switzerhell it seems they are getting richer. The economy thing was just a scare over there. The reason is mostly: the rich Americans and people from other countries are making money in the US and not spending it in the US, they are putting it in Switzerhell, not to pay taxes on it. A lot of them are even getting Swiss residency so they won’t have to hide from the IRS. All the international companies that have their headquarters in Switzerhell are not helping their own countries! Switzerhell is a country made of scum bags, human trash, and it’s getting richer every day! It’s a shame. It’s a shame to hear that dance classes have to be canceled because only one or two people show up because people cannot afford to take dance classes anymore. I remember that city with tons of great dance classes….Now only a few studios survive. The community centers are suffering. It’s a shame.

Nov 20th

I traveled Air France for the last time on this last trip. I had traveled with them before, without being really satisfied. On this trip, they pushed it too far according to me. They registered me and my luggage under someone else’s name. I didn’t realize it right away. I went through check in, took my boarding pass that they gave me without checking that my name was on it. I have traveled many times and never did I think of checking that my name was on the boarding pass! I always checked the gate number and that’s it. So I get to the boarding area, and the Air France personnel guy tells me that I probably won’t be able to get on this flight, and asked me if I minded if he put me on the next flight. I said there was no way that was going to happen. He then told me that my luggage was registered under a different name, and that I had to get it and check it in at our stop-over. On the plane, I got an aisle seat ( airlines usually give person with a dog in cabin a window seat so that people seating to the right or left won’t have to walk over the dog to go to the bathroom). Air France always gave me aisle seats. The problem was, this time, the lady next to me was allergic to dogs, and she was pregnant. So Air France made it look like I was the problem, even though I told them about the fact that they had made a mistake about the name I was registered under. Air France personnel were trying to pretend not to understand what I was repeating both in English and in French… They ended up upgrading to business class, this one lady who was sitting by a window, so I got her seat. At the stop-over I ran to get my luggage , tried to check it back in but didn’t have the time. I told Air France personnel my story and again, they didn’t want to understand. Finally after I started yelling ( that is the only way to get Europeans noticing a woman), a woman working for Air France told me she was going to take care of my luggage and I could go and get on my flight. So I did. When I got to my destination, my luggage wasn’t there. I had to wait a week to see it. I got no excuses, no sorry, or anything from Air France. Later I emailed and called them to change my return ticket date. No one got back to me until after the date of departure of the flight in question. I was fraught. I can’t believe these assholes. Is it written somewhere that I am not rich? Because I know, had I been rich I would have gotten a free something or at least a thousand «　sorry«　. I refuse to give any more business to airlines or any business that has treated me like dirt. If other Europeans would do that, there would be a few European airlines that would go out of business. Europeans are so used to getting crappy service from airlines that they don’t care.

I am already not flying Swiss anymore because I was not happy about a few things, and then a big thing which was my Shadow being all out of breath, exhausted, with an ear infection, when he got off the plane in Geneva. I am not flying Swiss nor Air France anymore. Am I going to find an airline to travel with next time or will I have to hitch hike across the Atlantic?

Nov 27th

I have been back in Hell for five days. It’s funny how every single time I come back to Switzerhell, I enjoy the first 2 or 3 days because my mind is still upbeat and full of hope. This time I knew the country hadn’t changed, but I thought maybe I did since I went through the Matrix transformation. Well I really thought I could forget about these crappy people and go on living and doing the things I have to do, but sure enough after 3 days of being able to ignore them, not feel their nasty energies, I suddenly became the same person again , who can’t stand these people’s s*** all around. I don’t want to say I am back to square one, because I have something in me now that is transformed and I am cherishing it like a diamond. It is a small thing but I am hanging on to it. I am hating again, I am in deep need to kick people in the ass, in the face, or wherever I ‘d feel necessary, and I am still not doing it and it hurts, but at the same time I understand now that my Shadow is here with me wherever I am. I left with the need to make him come back to life, and with sorrow all over my soul. I now still feel like crying when I think about my boy, but more because I am happy to know he is with me , around me. I am starting to trust that I’ll see him again, whether he does come back to life one day without me forcing it, or whether it is in another dimension, another world. I am now thankful for who I am, for my 2 boys that are a great part of my life, even if one is alive and one not. I am now realizing that I have angels or guides with me. I never really felt alone and I always wondered why, and now I am slowly starting to acknowledge them, him or her… I am slow, but improving.

Nothing has changed in society. I still can’t stand the Swiss around me, at the gym, at the supermarket, even on the road, driving. I am unemployed but luckily I have a nice woman as my appointed jobsearching adviser, which I have to meet with once a month. She is either truly nice and no one can hate her, or she is playing her game so well that I absolutely don’t mind her company and listening to her. Plus, she is an ego booster. She said to me: ” I don’t understand why you are still unemployed, I would hire you right away!”. Cute. You would think the staff who work with unemployed people would have to be nice, right. They might take seminars that tell them to boost people’s egos like that. It is no a Swiss natural instinct to compliment people, much less people they don’t know. Well, I have talked to some unemployed Swiss and have watched documentaries on TV about unemployment. There are a lot of Swiss workers who cut no slack to unemployed folks and punish them by cutting short their monthly revenue if they make the slightest mistake, like for example if the adviser told the person to send a certain amount of CV’s each month. If the person sends less or even more, they can have money taken out of their unemployment check. The freaking advisers don’t have to be that crude. It’s not part of the job. That’s just what I mean about the Swiss, they aren’t just and strict people. They on the other hand will mess with you if they can, just because they can. Two months ago I was 5 minutes late to my appointment with my adviser, the secretary told me, when I got in, that I would have money taken out of my check, because I was late. Fortunately, it is not up to the secretary to determine if unemployed people get money taken out of their checks as punishments, but the adviser. My adviser is nice. She didn’t punish me for being 5 minutes late.

It’s the control freak thing that the Swiss have. They must show that they have the slightest authority if they do. And the way to show it is not by helping or showing people what the right thing to do is, but by crushing people and messing with their everyday life. Even when driving I have said it before, the Swiss have to show that they are smarter, faster, or that they can get away with anything. I definitely noticed in the US, people drive to get somewhere. They don’t care about other people. They mind their own business when they drive and try to be careful and don’t have to prove anything when they’re driving. I am sure they are exceptions but I was glad to see that I am not going nuts, there are places in the world where people aren’t stupid enough to have to prove something to others ( like that they’re faster, can control others or can mess with others in small “innocent “ways) all the time. When I ride a bicycle on a path, and another bicycle comes from the other direction, that person has to see everything as a competition. That person, especially if it’s a man, rides into me because they want me to move aside for them to pass easily. I often have Shiva in my backpack, so I am not about to test these fools to see if they would run into me if I didn’t move to the side for them to ride like kings..

I was also glad to see that I feel at ease with people in the US. Some say that it’s all in my head. I like it there so I automatically like everybody. It’s not true. Well I do like it there, but there are times where I realize there is a jerk, or feel a weird vibe in the bus and will sit somewhere else. Well, I am also very smell sensitive and wherever I am in the world, will get away from a nasty smell. Anyway I was glad to know I am still normal in a normal place like the US. Yes there are strange people on the streets and no the US is not perfect, but it is a normal world to me, with ups and downs, good people bad people, with an overall sense that the majority minds their own business, and also helps others in case of emergency, which makes me feel safe. In Switzerhell, the streets are suspiciously ( rightfully so) quiet everywhere you go, if someone needs real help, either everyone ignores the person, or the cops come and isolate the area so no one can see anything. Everybody has this same standard: boring face that hides cruel behavior that spends their day figuring out how to get away, with as much crap as possible. Helping others is a foreign language.

Americans, cherish your country! because on a human level, the United States is not doing so bad. I know many Americans think that their country needs so much improvement. And you’re right. It’s when you’ve got a good thing that you can see what needs to be improved. When you have a bad product, there is too much that needs improvement like Switzerhell, and it’s easier to fake everything than improve the product.

Another thing I noticed in the US, was how the economy has destroyed a part of the consumer’s market. Some stores I used to know, closed down. Dance studios that were doing well aren’t anymore. I think it’s sad. Such a great city and the only part that has developed is a part of downtown. Rich corporate America is hanging in there, but the cultural centers and the interesting little stores disappeared. That is proof that the economy is going bad. The rich are getting richer and the poor and middle class are getting poorer. Apparently it is like that all over the world right now, but I wish the US would come back to where the average Joe is doing all right. When I look at all the headquarters of all these companies in Switzerhell which are making Switzerhell richer by bringing business, creating jobs and paying taxes ( even if low) to the country. If these companies would stay in the US ( and in their own countries wherever that is), it would help the average Joe get a job or start a business, and feed his family, go on holidays, have fun on week-ends, etc.

Also there are a lot of imports from Europe in the US whether it is food, cosmetics, cars or clothing. Think of buying American. It is not just a bumper sticker! I also love the planet and wish we could all be a happy family, but the fact and the matter is that countries are different, their government, their people, their core. Some travelers say: “The more I travel the more I see people acting like people”. Well we all have the same primal needs like hunger, food, sex, greed. But the core of society brainwashes people more in most countries than in the US where people have fought for freedom of thought, before freedom of anything else. The United States might grow if they keep their freedom of thought despite the economy going down, meaning not letting the fear get to them. The Matrix Energetics could take over. I am not sure how to explain what I feel here, but I know that even if many countries are strong today, the US can be stronger and win because to save the world, the US has to deploy its best free spiritual military strength .

Nov 29th

I totally feel right back in hell. I thought I was somewhat changed enough so that I could at least get by, ignoring these trashy people more. The little everyday stuff like driving to prove their “strength”, passing you when you stand in line at the supermarket, bakery, to get on the bus, etc. I am looking for a job and an apartment. People love to say “no” to others, so they take a certain pleasure saying “no” about everything. As soon as they don’t want to sell you something, they scream the “no” in your face, without a “sorry”, without ever ever trying to think of another way for you to find what you are looking for. I know how it is in the US. When a business can’t offer you what you are looking for, they will come up with something to help you whether it is an idea, a phone number, an address…. In Switzerhell, they take pleasure in closing all doors in your face, and no, it is not only because I am a woman, alone. They don’t even think that I might know people who know people that may not ever come by their business ever again…

I have started watching these murder shows again. Since in Switzerhell we are lucky enough to get some American series in English, and since the Swiss only buy murder stories and morning soap operas, I don’t have much choice , but do enjoy those police murder investigating stories. I was in the US for almost a month and I could have watched tv, but I didn’t feel the need, the desire. Here I spend every night in my isolated mountain chalet, watching murder shows, police investigation stories. I like them here. Of course I hate people here. I feel like cutting people up so I thrive on watching murder, fear, suspense. I even want the bad guys to win sometimes. I am not trying to prove how evil I am when I am in this country, but I have to notice the change of me when I am here and when I am in the US. I always thought I was a strong person, with my own mind and spirit. But I can be so different of a person when I am on one continent and on the other! It’s outrageous. When I was younger and living in the US, I went through somewhat rough times, and I would never become evil. I could become very defensive but not revengeful, like I feel I am here. I haven’t acted on it yet, but to me the sense of desire to do something is almost as bad as the act.

Dec 1

I realized that guys at the gym start messing with me when they see that I use heavy weights. I for a while was training light, right when I got back ( jetlag ). The first few days I get back to Switzerhell I always think everything is all right. Well at the gym , not only did my spirit help me ignore those Swiss people on the first days back. When a woman uses light weights, she is “normal” to the Swiss, so no one stares other than to look at what a person is wearing and that the fact that there might feel something is different about that person. But these days I am starting to lift heavy again. Well heavy for me… Men come next to me, push my bench, take my weights which I left on the bench I was using. I don’t go when the gym is crowded, so there are plenty of other weights and barres to use… It bugs them that I can lift heavy, maybe heavier than them for some of them. In the US when I lift a bit heavy, there might be a guy or two who will, with a smile, congratulate me or ask me a friendly question. Here in Switzerhell, I can feel their aggravation, and they bug me until I go away, proving that I am scared ( right..) and proving that they’re more powerful! It is so sad. Those are grown men, mostly over 35, who are bothered by the fact that a woman lifts heavy. The younger guys will stare but they won’t bother me most of the time. Is it because the younger generation tolerates change and women with some kind of “power”? No. Younger guys aren’t frustrated yet. They don’t feel the need to feel bitterness about women’s issues yet. Their mother is still an important figure in their lives so they don’t mind a woman who is a bit stronger than them. They will just stare since they don’t see strong women at their gym often. Stares are annoying, but the lameness of these older guys trying to bug me like small angry children is despicable.

Dec 2nd

I am glad I went to the US and came back. I can tell you the difference in the everyday people. For example, you pass by someone on the street, in Switzerhell, the person gives out this nasty vibe, pushes you on the sidewalk if you’re a woman and if you’re in their way. No one will ever give you space on the sidewalk if you’re a woman carrying bags as people do in the US, anywhere! In the city I was staying at, people talked to me on the bus, started a friendly conversation or just a nice comment. If someone has a nasty thought, I won’t hear it in the US, the person will keep it to her or himself. In Switzerhell, I get pushed like bag of potatoes in the bus or in the train, and people never say “sorry”. When I had my big dog I got insults on the train all the time. In NYC, they’d ask me what type of breed he was.

Dec 4th

I went to the post office today to pay some bills. In most post offices in Switzerhell, we can play lotto games. So along with paying my bills, I asked the lady if I could get a “quick pick” for the Euromillions ( a lotto game in a few countries in Europe). She didn’t understand. I asked her again for a “Flash” for the Euromillions. I have played that game for about 5 years in Switzerhell, and have regularly asked for a quick pick ( which is the American term) or a Flash ( the French term), for the computer to pick the numbers for a lotto game. I have played in different cities, and even different cantons (=states). The postal lady didn’t understand any of the terms ( quick pick or flash). I explained I wanted random numbers from the machine and asked her what the term was, according to her. I apologized and asked her how she called that. She said in a very distinguished way, as if she had a masters in postal French (…), that there was no term to describe that. She added that people usually just asked to play a lotto game, as if I was the one who invented a term that didn’t exist! The Swiss are always right, they know everything, and everyone else knows nothing. It is really sad and maybe funny if you look at them from afar, to see these pretty ignorant people with lots of money surrounding them, whether it’s theirs, other people’s, living there, or the country’s money (modern technology everywhere), like angry ( most of the times strongly repressed anger) spoiled children who always have to be right. Or else…. they’ll slash your tire…call the cops on you if you park in the wrong place.

2010

Waow, years just go by without me getting to be where I want to be. I do have my precious Shiva, thank God.

The more I have to talk to the Swiss about stuff other than buying bread and paying bills, The more I realize that they really all are mentally disturbed. 2 examples within the last 2 weeks: I had to have the electrician come by to finalize his work. He had started to work on this tiny chalet 2 years ago and couldn’t finish until now, 2010. That’s what happens when you are a woman living alone. He basically worked on my chalet when he had no other business. So I lived with a half installed electricity system ( since it was me who had electricity installed for the first time ever in that place). It was of course dangerous to live with an electricity system not finished, especially in a wooden structure. But who cares, since no man called the electrician to let him know the work should be done, and a woman alone is nothing. A male electrician is not going to finish the work faster when a woman asks him to, nor is he going to care that her living place could be dangerous. That’s a fact. Then, 2 weeks ago, the electrician emails me to let me know I should call him to set up a time for him to come by and finish the work. He had called several months ago but I couldn’t be there. I wasn’t up to facing this prick at all. So I call the office and his secretary tells me I have to call him on his cell. I call and he doesn’t answer so I leave a message. A week later, his secretary calls me to ask me if I could be at the chalet on Friday 11 AM. I tell her no I couldn’t, I was doing a stage at an animal shelter. I then gave her other days when I was available. She then asks me if I could get someone to come by the chalet for me because the electrician is going to be in the area on Friday, and he would really like to come and finish the work that day. After a year of not being able to come and work on the electricity, and the fact that I couldn’t be there a few months ago, drove him nuts, and he said it had to be Friday. Of course had I been a man, he wouldn’t have dared to offer only one day availability for him to come by, but if I had been a man, he would have finished the system installation year and a half ago. So anyway, I tell his secretary that I probably won’t be able to find someone to be at the chalet for me, but if I do find someone who can do that for me, I would call her. She then calls me every day that week to ask me if I had found someone. I , every day said, no. On that Friday night, I found a note on my door from the electrician, saying that I didn’t show up for the appointment and that I was going to be charged a fee for not being there and for his time. I called the office and the secretary assured me I was going to get a bill. I couldn’t believe it. I got the bill. What could I do? not pay it and then see the bill increase month after month? Or pay it and be part of the scam that men pull on women in very easy ways like this one? The only thing I can do is call a friend of mine for help. I hate calling for help for stupidities, but in Switzerhell, it’s called for.

2nd example: I am trying to sell the chalet. Well since I live there, I am doing all the publicity and giving my number out for people to call. This man called about it. He asked how big it is, he wanted the length and the width. I tell him that it’s like a studio inside, not very big at all. He insists he wants to know the square meters, I told him at first that I didn’t know exactly, otherwise I would have told him, so I said it’s like a studio. I tried to give him details and a description. He said why don’t I send him pictures. I told him there are pics on the real estate website. He had asked when he first told me his name that it was important for him not to go through an agency. I said that’s fine. I don’t have an exclusive contract with them. So when I told him about the pics, he again said that he didn’t want to go through an agency… I then repeated that the website was just to look at the pics. He then said that he didn’t have internet. He assured me he had a lot of money to invest but didn’t have the web… I thought ya whatever. So he asked if I could take old school pictures and send them to him in the mail. I said sure, and I tell him that I was outside and that I didn’t have a pen on me but he could send his address via text message or I could call him later. He got upset and hung up. You could say it was one case, but no, he sounded like an older regular Swiss guy. This represents the Swiss. Some are rich but refuse to get internet because it is new and what is new is not good and stupid, to them. When they want to buy real estate or anything else, things have to go a certain way. Communication is not important. he couldn’t understand that I was outside and didn’t have a pen on me.

January 18th

I had an appointment with a job placement agency in a town that is a 2 hour drive from where I live, but as I assured him, I was willing to move for a new job, I was sure he was at least going to be at the appointment, even if I wasn’t sure to get the job, as it required a level of computer science I don’t have. But in any case, I take a shower, get some clean and unattractive clothes ( the kind of formal work clothes that people wear in Europe is not appealing to me), and Shiva and I got in our car and away we drove. I knew the town, I had been there a few years back. So I get there, park, tell Shiva I might be a while, so to stay under the cover otherwise he would get cold. I get to the reception area and the lady tells me that the guy I was supposed to meet is not in for the entire day. She then goes to check on his calendar to see if he had an appointment and I was right, it was the 18th. He had an appointment. She calls him on his cell, hands me the phone and the man said he was really sorry he forgot to call me to cancel the appointment. It is one of the big job placement agencies in Switzerhell. The guy didn’t seem worried on the phone, and why would he be, I was just a woman. Had he forgotten to cancel an appointment with a man, he would have been really sorry. Oh wait… but he would never have forgotten an appointment with a man!

January 19th

There is a Swiss man who has lived almost all his life abroad, has acquired experience in various business fields as a leader and creative business man. He had a few months ago, been nominated president of the Post Office in Switzerhell. He was bringing new ideas, confidence and experience from all over the world. Today he has resigned. This man was criticized and hated from too many Swiss people, because he had lived and worked in so many countries and had ideas that were too innovative. The Swiss got scared of all those ideas and the novelty that the man wanted to bring in one of the main large Swiss companies, the Post office. Swiss haters sent him death threats, searched into his past in illegal ways. Basically he realized that it wasn’t worth fighting all these loosers even if he just had started to be president of a decent organization ( “post office”) and really didn’t do any damage to the company. What a slimy country!

Jan 21rst

My dog Shiva is a service dog. Well not officially. This dog that I love so much keeps my sanity. Living in Switzerhell after all the sh** I have endured and still am, my sanity hangs on a thread. I guess when you can still sit there and write that, it means you realize things and are still sane. But I also realize that I could fall onto the other side if anything happened to my Shiva. He is my reason to stay good, my reason to keep hoping, my reason that enables me to come back to whatever home we’re living in without loosing it, when some jerk has done something to me and I can’t fight back because I know I am the one who’ll get caught and not him. My Shiva has gone through so much with me. When his brother Shadow was there, they were a team. Eventhough the 3 of us went through a lot together, they had each other to keep each other company and communicate. I try to stay strong and calm for Shiva , but I have to acknowledge his work here. Shiva keeps my soul happy. He keeps my karma clean. He keeps my heart loving.

Jan 23rd

I know some people in certain towns I lived in when I had Shadow tried to kill us, or hit us with their car. It was obvious and thanks to the time I was hit by a cop in his car, I am always careful around cars, even when cars are just backing up from their driveway. I have also noticed that cars, with whatever Swiss in it will not slow down for a woman with a dog. I have noticed it on me, on other women walking their dogs, comparing to men in general or men whit dogs. On parking lots for example, cars will slow down drastically when they see a man. I have seen some slow down for a young hot chick by herself. I thought that the fact that I noticed that was not a big deal and it probably isn’t. It is just another facet of how women, and women with dogs are less respected by the Swiss in general. Who cares right? I do. And today I wasn’t particularly surprised to see a woman in her car who saw me and Shiva and who didn’t slow down as she should have, but to show me that I was the one who had to move out of the way on that parking lot, she kept her speed up even though she was going to stop very soon. Well it’s winter and icy, and since she had too much speed, she slid and her car hit another. It’s not that I enjoy seeing other people hurt, well nobody was really hurt here, just cars. It’s just that I think it’s about time these Swiss people pay for their murderous behaviors. Their cars are their favorite weapons. The Swiss kill and run over more people than the French and the Italians who both drive also really fast, but better than the Swiss. I know people all over the world use cars as weapons, but again, the Swiss get away with it, and none of these “accidents” is ever suspected to be murder. The Swiss hit cats and dogs all the time, children on a regular basis, and adults and old people of course. I remember twice in different towns, hearing the story: There was a family picnic. A father had to drive somewhere after lunch, to then come back later. The same father backed up into his toddler and killed him. there has to be a limit to stupidity. Of course there are some accidents, but never are these people on trial, nor do they go to jail. They get a fine, a big fat ticket. More money for the government. Of course the few exceptions are when a woman driver hits a man: then, the cops spend some time figuring out how they could put the woman in jail, and most of the time they succeed. Have you seen the amount of women in Swiss jails compared to men? And that knowing that women are so trained and psycho-brainwashed to be victims and loving it.

Jan 24th

The Swiss voted a few months ago to prohibit the construction of Minarets, a symbol of Islam. Many of the wealthy muslims of the middle East who have mansions in Switzerhell are starting to realize the hypocrisy of the people of the safe country they trusted so much.

Now the Swiss are starting to talk about the prohibition of the Burka in public places ( well I don’t think Muslim women are going to wear it inside their homes…). The French are also talking about it. Women don’t have the respect that men get in Switzerhell and in France, and now they want to take their right to hide their faces if they want to. Women must show their faces! The Swiss use the excuse that they are trying to save these women from “having to” wear the Burka. Men have the right to wear beard, hats and sun glasses, but women are not allowed to have their faces covered. I am a woman and am against any institution that prohibits women from doing what they want to do. I don’t know the percentage of Islamic women who are forced to wear the Burka and the ones who decide to do it on their own will. I do know that there are Muslim women who choose to wear the Burka, either because they are very religious, or because they don’t want men to bother them. I can totally relate to that last reason. The way people stare in Europe, and especially in Switzerhell, I feel better when I wear a scarf and a hat.

The Swiss were ready to prohibit the Burka when they heard the French debate and many well-known politicians giving very good arguments that women should have the right to wear the Burka unless maybe they are dealing with identity, getting a passport, ID, etc. Now the Swiss are a bit scared to go ahead with the prohibition. The Swiss always check with surrounding countries, since if they didn’t, they would make tons of humanitarian mistakes, the morons….

Jan 31rst

I knew that pedophiles were running free in Switzerhell. The few that get caught get one or two years in jail, but their names are never known to the public. They get out of their tiny jail sentence and they go right back to society. The town or neighborhood they lived in doesn’t even know they were in jail. Since the sentence is only from one to two years, it is easy for the trash-bag to make up some lie about where he was for that period of time.

Tonight there is a documentary on TV, which is a big deal for the Swiss to talk about it. Obviously the Swiss don’t talk about pedophiles because they want to keep a perfect image where pedophiles don’t exist… The documentary shows a few pedophiles who agreed to stay in treatment instead of going to jail. He lives at home and goes to a psychologist once a month and takes a specific drug. People trust men, of course they are men (…), that they will follow the treatment and not lie to the psychologist. They have a pedophile who is invited to talk about this treatment. He is said to be the victim, the poor sick person. I can’t believe this Switzerhell country. These poor men…. This guy talks about the pain of the treatment! One guy talks about the pain that he goes through when he sees children because of his strong needs and desires. He explains that he falls in love with children for real. He says it is not just sex….This prime time documentary doesn’t mention the pain of the children and their families at all. They only talked about the poor sick pedophiles. It is outrageous. The Swiss are obviously getting more confident about showing their filth. They think their wealth and the rich assholes’ wealth of the world who love Switzerhell, will be there and last forever. Their great image is melting though. It is almost the end of the great legendary fake image of Switzerland. They are destroying themselves slowly. Too confident and ignorant, they are starting to show pieces of their real face. The world now knows about how much scamming is going on in Swiss banks, and the world is slowly discovering the rest of the filth behind the pretty mask.

Feb 2nd

The Swiss changed their whole tv system to digital, so we can’t get any channel if we don’t buy the new digital antenna with the little box which will give us the 4 or 5 Swiss basic local channels. Otherwise there is cable of course, and satellites. I bought the little box with the antenna because all I need is the Swiss channels to keep up with the news and watch some American shows that at least we get in French or English. So up in the mountain, in my chalet, I got 4 channels, some days badly, some days the picture was clear. Now I am in the center of a city, a town, and I am getting no signal at all….So I go to a tv store, and they tell me that they don’t know why I am not getting anything. I go to another store and they tell me that they don’t know either….and I try a cable store and they haven’t heard of the little digital box and antenna… Switzerhell is a small country, rich country. It has all kinds of technology, but most people, most businesses don’t know anything about anything! It is truly unbelievable. The worst part is I know they are not lying in order to sell me something, or they would have some kind of explanation for my problem to then try to sell me another product. But they don’t. I can tell in their lame employer’s face that they don’t know anything. When I had bought the antenna, I had to go to 2 different tv stores before someone knew what I was asking for. Yes a lot of people have cable or satellites, but the third option is this antenna. The big stores have employees who don’t know about half the products they’re supposed to sell. Maybe they learn about a few products every year, so one has to be lucky to get an employee that has been working there for a while. But this digital tv thing just arrived. The country’s system just changed. Shouldn’t all TV stores get up to date and learn about the new products linked to the change? Most stores will receive the new stuff but very few will actually learn about it in order to inform people and sell the products. I am always amazed at the stupidity of Switzerhell, that has so much money, technology and ressources!

I am staying in a city for a while until I find an apartment near my new job, and I am on the ground floor. It is amazing the amount of curtain I have to put up so that people passing by don’t stop and get close to the window in order to look. It’s not like I am walking around naked. I just moved in and the neighbors want to see who it is and what I am doing. Then you have a bunch of asshole men who always look in on apartments on the ground floor, and you also have a bunch of women, young people who look because they are walking slow, not doing anything with their lives, and have the time to wonder around and look into people’s apartments. And the Swiss consider themselves polite? That was the only thing they had left for themselves, their hypocritical, backstabbing , yet polite attitudes…

It’s funny how the way people drive can reflect their very own ways of being. In a city, people tend to be more careful than in the country side, in between villages where there is no one around, they will drive faster than on the highway, and not care about any life they might suppress. In the city, or town, people know cops could be watching, people are definitely watching, so they drive better in general. There is still one thing that astounds me: there is a law in Switzerhell about cars having to let go pedestrians if they are crossing on a yellow striped pedestrian crossing. Most cars are annoyed to have to stop, and one can feel it, at the way the car speeds from the stop they had to make and didn’t want to. Cars often drive right behind people. Sometimes they can’t help it, they don’t stop, even if they see a pedestrian about to step on the yellow stripes, even if they should, and know they might get a ticket. The thing that gets to me is the amount of cars driven by women or men with children , mostly 4 by 4′s, and don’t have the time to stop. I get the fact that women are frustrated in Switzerhell, but the rich ones don’t care about getting tickets. They actually put people’s lives at risk by not stopping. Some people know the law that says cars have to let pedestrians go in on the yellow stripes, and these people won’t look if the car is actually stopping because in the city, people respect that law more since there are so many lights and no one can move that fast anyway. The streets are curvy, narrow. Of course a lot of accidents happen. But when it is a person with children in the car that is not stopping, it drives me a little nuts because those same people expect everyone to stop for their kids when they are or will be crossing roads by themselves.

I am temporarily staying in the old part of town, where people live in old buildings within the narrow streets of what make the only charm of historic European cities. These old buildings are a part of history. In rich countries like Switzerhell, the buildings are kept alive, meaning renovated if needed, rented at a high price, and you would think, respected by the people who live there. On week-ends, there are always drunk people who throw bottles on the streets, on walls, stairs, and who litter whatever garbage they had in their hands. You would think that the people who live in those old apartments would at least have a tiny bit more respect for the place. My one window looks out on a small closed yard. It is full of pigeon s*** and rests of food people throw out the window for cats and birds. On top of that, in the morning I always see plastic bottles that people on the higher floors have thrown down, and lots of cigarette buds. Also, at 2 AM last night there was a drunk guy on the roof. Someone called the police because the guy was singing. The police then made more noise for two hours trying to talk to the guy since they couldn’t figure out the way to the roof. They were asking him: ” Think for a second, how did you get on the roof?” The cops couldn’t go get the guy, and they were getting upset and angry because the guy wasn’t answering their question. The guy was just being funny, and maybe a bit suicidal, but the cops sounded really scary, getting angry and screaming at this guy, from the street. I thought one of the cops was going to start shooting or something, so I walked by really fast.

Those narrow streets in the old part of town are all for pedestrians only, no cars, no motocycles, not even bicycles are allowed. There is an exception for deliveries in the day time since there are businesses and stores all along. There is also the exception for police cars as they have the right to do anything they want, or go anywhere. In the evening, every time I walk my dog on these streets, I always see a car or two driving through. They are always men driving I noticed. They don’t drive slow either. The woman I am renting a room from said that she drove her car through there once to move some heavy stuff and she got a ticket. It is always the same story: men who drive through, are not bothered. It is making me really angry that men can put people in danger while driving through a no-way street, fast, while women will get a ticket for driving through. Women can’t have a nice big dog, and be left alone, but men can drive through streets where people, children, dogs, can be wandering around. I saw a guy get out of his car, who had just driven and then parked in a no-way street. I looked at him and he looked at me super confident like : of course he was allowed to do what he pleased. How could I dare look at him like that?

It reminds me of a village road in that village where everyone kicked us out. There was a road on the side of the village that said: “authorized personnel only”, meaning personnel from the village, the men who worked on roads and such. It was a short cut for them during the day when there was traffic in the village. Otherwise no other car should have been going through there. Well, the amount of cars at night who drove through like maniacs was amazing. A lot of people would walk their dogs there. Many could have taken the license plate numbers as Swiss will do for women driving or parking where they’re not supposed to, but I would always see cars driving there night after night, at high speed, because it is fun for guys to drive fast on country roads…. I can tell you how disgusted I am to see men break the law over and over, about everything, and no one tells them anything, when for a woman, it is a different world. I am sick of the s***.

March 1rst

I moved into an apartment with a roommate, a male roommate. I think that’s the only way to be able to be left alone ( I’ll see how long it will last), other than getting married, or living with a boyfriend. Also he has a cat. I also discovered that the only way for me to keep living in Switzerhell is to be seriously distracted, and having asthma ( allergies) is the only way I came up with, to be distracted. I have my asthma ventilator for the night so I can sleep a bit, and the rest of the day, I focus on trying to breathe instead of noticing these f**** around me. I started a new job which is not better nor worse than being unemployed, for me. I am still in hell.

March 2nd

I was walking my dog, well carrying him in the bag most of the time because he gets tired when I go for long walks, by the lake, in an area where there are many over-priced homes. There were other people walking their dogs. The cops were driving by. An older lady told me that they were coming for the dogs off leash, to give tickets. The poor lady who was a woman alone, walking her dog, had been told by cops to put her dog on a leash many times and had gotten two tickets in the last year. I explained to her that cops are not driving by, just for off-leash dogs. They will drive around to see if they can catch a woman with a dog off leash, to mess with her by giving her a ticket. They won’t do it for a man. If someone called the cops and told them there was a woman with a dog off leash, they will drive by for that. The poor lady had no idea that people would call the cops to tell them about her walking her dog off leash. She had been convinced for years that cops were just driving by to check dogs off leash or on leashes, no matter if the dog belonged to a man or a woman. She didn’t believe that people from the neighborhood would call the cops on her. Anyway, she then asked the 2 cops if they were there for the dogs, when they got out of their car. They said no and walked away. I had my dog in the bag, and she had put her dog on a leash. When the cops came back towards their car, one of them saw a dog off leash. Without asking whose it was, one of the cops tried to grab him. The dog had lots of long hair. The cop pulled on the hair. The dog started to scream and was trying to get away. The cop wouldn’t let go. The dog was crying really loud nonstop. I was thinking, trying to hope for logical behavior from the young cop, he was trying to hold the dog to read his microchip. I couldn’t take the screaming, I put my dog that was in my bag on the floor, and I walked gently ( not to scare the crazy cop) towards them. I was going to hold the dog for him, without hurting the dog because he clearly was. As soon as I was in the vicinity, the dog got away. I probably distracted or scared the cop so that it gave the dog half a second to flee. As much as I know these Swiss cops are capable of anything, I wasn’t thinking of being afraid of the cop, I was just going to help the dog. The cop could have gotten upset at me and done god knows what to me, but I didn’t think about it. The cop was pulling his hair from all sides, not knowing how to grab a dog if needed, when really it was not needed. It was a medium size dog, walking around, being friendly to other dogs. When the idiot was done, I realized it wasn’t to check his chip, it was just because he wanted to hold the dog down to show the dog and people around there, he was in power. As he was failing to do that right away, he was getting upset that he couldn’t do it, and since many people were then watching because of the screaming dog, he had to show that he could overpower the dog, and hold him still. These people are so pathetic. The poor dog went through hell, he was obviously already scared of people and that cop grabbing and pulling his hair all around, must have terrorized the dog for life. The old lady told me it was a dog who lived in a house nearby and the people didn’t have time to walk him. Those Swiss people, knowing that people hate and hurt dogs, especially easy targets like that dog, didn’t care about their animal. The dog will end up dead or beaten up so many times by people that he might end up hiding in a corner of his garden for the rest of his life, terrorized.

I feel helpless to help myself, my dogs and animals in general in Switzerhell. I would love to transform into someone who had the power to save me, the dogs and animals of this country full of contempt.

I am Swiss. HELP! ( chapter7)

Dogs are a dangerous and wild specie in Switzerhell. Well dogs that look friendly are the lucky ones there. They are not hated by people, just treated like dirt because they are “just dogs”. Geneva and Valais ( that is the region where the Alps are , and where all the ski resorts are) has 13 breeds that have to wear a muzzle by law, at all times when they are outside. 13 breeds, and the Doberman is not in it….Wait, could it be that the rich have Doberman ? Yes! And they think by making the other dogs wear muzzles, they won’t have any more accidents with dogs biting. It really makes dogs friendlier when they have to wear muzzles every time they go outside! Knowing that Valais is a place with a lot of mountains where other breeds can run freely for miles around! I heard that there are actually more and more accidents where dogs ( of any breed) bite children than before in Valais, but the canton is so ashamed, they hide them from the media. It is only when a dog of a “bad” breed bites that they let the media get all over the event. It is hell for people who possess one of the 13 breeds, because not only do they get insulted and get comments all the time, but they also get tired of living in hell created by neighbors, and town citizens. The Swiss owners often get tired of the crap they have to take and get rid of their dogs. The dogs end up in shelters, when not dead. Some shelters will keep a few dogs of the “bad” breeds for a week, a month, but then have the dog euthanized because they say they don’t have the space. Swiss shelters are small. The country has land for public parcs in and around cities where dogs are not allowed, or only allowed on leashes and on paved paths, not on lawns. The country has land for expensive flower gardens around buildings where neither dogs nor people are allowed to walk. The country has land for ski resorts, roads and new buildings that pop up every minute, but dog parcs where dogs could actually run freely in a setting made for them don’t exist. Dog shelters are financed by private funds only, therefore can never afford a lot of space. Dog shelters don’t work on rehabilitating animals. Either the dog is friendly, easily able to be placed in a home, or she or he is killed. If a dog is people-friendly but not dog-friendly, she or he will be kept for a little while and if not adopted, quickly killed since if they can’t put more than one dog in a cage, it literally limits the amount of dogs that can be kept in those small shelters. Many times, those shelters are close to a forest, or to empty land that belongs to the closest town, you would think that the filthy rich towns who spend zillions on town decoration, plants, flowers, statues and what not, could give, if not money, a bit of extra land to these few shelters. I have heard, to my despair, that some owners of “bad” breeds who are thinking of abandoning their dogs kill them themselves, because they know the dog won’t make it, or because they don’t want to face people knowing they abandoned their dog. If cops find such a dog on the street or abandoned in a forest, on a highway, in front of a store, and the dog growls, they will automatically shoot her or him. If it is in a place where there are many people, the cops will take the dog in a van and kill him somewhere else. Having a dog of one of the 13 breeds, implies a lot of responsibility and suffering, in Switzerhell. So most of the time, the kind of people who get such dogs are rebel young people who want to show off their “nasty” looking dog, and are not going to treat their dog well either… These dogs have to go through racism , discrimination. They are hated no matter what, if well educated, friendly, saved lives, whatever… 99% of the population hates them and will express their hatred whenever possible. They are dogs, domestic animals, and they are treated like wild beasts, and more hated than rats. Dogs in Switzerhell have to look cute, be so friendly as to have all kinds of kids who don’t know them jump on them and pull their tails, and the dogs have to ask for more! They can’t be too educated because then she or he doesn’t look like most dogs in the country and the Swiss get scared by whatever is not like the “norm”. Most dogs don’t listen to their owners in Switzerhell. Most dogs listen when their owners scream a few times, not before. Dogs who look mean ( even if they aren’t..) are animals despised in the country ; people who say love animals will admit hating them. They say they love lions and bears, even wolves, but hate certain breeds like Pit-bulls and whoever looks like them, who by the way, share people’s lives, protect children and save lives . All the terrible bites that happened within the last years, happened with dogs who weren’t well educated , who didn’t know their place in the household. Dogs that are bred to fight hardly exist in the country! No doubt certain breeds look scary, but I’ll tell you that many Swiss look scarier. When Americans see a lot of big Pitbulls around, some people will dislike them, but do they spend their time talking and gossiping on how much they want these dogs gone, do they spend their time trying to kick people out of their building when they have such a dog, or kick people out of the village or the neighborhood? Normally not, not unless the dog is known to be vicious. Do people harass people who have them, send letters and petitions to have these breeds forbidden in the country? In Switzerhell, yes . The Swiss let their kids sit on stranger’s laps in the train, they let their kids go up to strange men and talk, hold hands and what not, but they won’t let their kids closer than 6 feet to one of the disliked dogs. The 2% of the population that wants to show that they’re not afraid, and want their kids not to be afraid of dogs, will let the kids run up to the dogs without asking if it’s ok, just assuming that the dog is fine with it! Can we have smart people who just teach their kids to not be afraid? and on the other hand not go up to dogs they don’t know without asking the owner? In the US I have to say, there are lots of those people, who would ask if their kids could play with the dog which is a smart thing to do. In Switzerhell they don’t ask, they either run away or run into the dog… Most Swiss parents will pull their children towards them when they see a dog coming in their direction. They teach their children to be afraid of dogs very early on. So many Swiss people are afraid of dogs even if they won’t admit it. They are afraid of all breeds that weigh more than 20 lbs. When is this fear going to stop? When are Swiss parents going to teach their kids to love and respect dogs, which are a part of everyday society? Is it so hard to take a little time for your children, to teach them anything else but fear? How about going to a shelter and taking some dogs for walks once a week? People who have dogs in Switzerhell, have them for 3 reasons: first of all for protection, they get a dog to protect their house, their family, themselves. The second reason is for company for single, divorced, widowed, lonely people. The third is families that get dogs for their children. The people who actually love their dogs, treat their dogs like babies, the dogs end up very confused on her or his place in the house, thinks she or he is the master, and ends up biting the owner, which in turn takes the dog to the shelter, screaming that the dog doesn’t love them anymore… Nobody gets a dog to enjoy the company of a happy dog, by taking the time to give the dog what she or he needs. When you live in a country like Switzerhell, where big dogs are feared, certain breeds hated, where most people want your dog dead or far away from them, when you grow to love your dog because she or he shares your everyday life and because he is so very good to you , you tend to grow bitter towards these wonderful Swiss people…

The Swiss can’t educate their children ( schools do that, in a communist way) so how can you expect them to raise and educate their dogs properly? All dogs are uneducated, confused about what they have to do and their place in the hierarchy of the household, which messes the dogs up really badly and in time it will endanger the whole specie in the sense that the genes will be atrophied by all the massive undeveloped and confused minds. I could say the same for people but I am focusing my expertise on dogs. Yes, dogs have minds and have developments just like children, even if canine psychology is different. Human psychology is not yet fully discovered, neither is canine. But if the Swiss could educate themselves on the little that men ( not Swiss..) have discovered about canine behavior, it would help the specie survive. In poorer countries, there is no knowledge or care for canine behavior, but in most developed countries, there is a majority of dog owners who learn the basics. Swiss people act worse than citizens of underdeveloped countries. They don’t care to learn about dogs, yet involve dogs in close human lives, and when dogs don’t act like the idiot human thinks the dog is supposed to act ( according to the confident dog knowledge that they learned from their parents and grand-parents), the human beats the dogs up like he thinks he is supposed to, according to his ancestors. If you have a kid and don’t teach her or him anything, you just give her or him mixed messages , wait and see what kind of adult you’ll get! Even if dog minds don’t work the same as people’s, it is the same concept. You have to teach things to your dog, and not teach by hitting the dog when she or he doesn’t do what you want. I know some people teach their kids by slapping them around, and yelling at them all the time… At least now some laws have been created to protect children in Switzerhell. People try not to hit their kids in public too often. That’s a new thing.

Dogs in Switzerhell are always yapping and fighting other dogs. They are not bred to fight, just not to be social. A French woman once told me: How do you want dogs to be social when people aren’t? She was right. I was staying in a “great” big ski resort. My little dog was attacked by dogs on paths a few times ( with me having to save his little but off course otherwise he’d have been injured). I went to the police station one day, and I asked what I could do. Was there a law or could I do something against these people whose dogs attack mine, like big German Shepherd without a leash whose owner, an old woman couldn’t hold him nor call him, having no control over that dog whatsoever…The police didn’t curse me out but they very politely told me to go f*** myself. Two years later, I was there again and my dog was attacked again a few times, by small dogs, big dogs. I then decided to yell at the owners and if the person didn’t hold her or his aggressive dog, I pepper sprayed their faces. With all the dogs that attacked and all the people who insulted me when I said something, I ended up spraying 3 people over three weeks. They all went to the police and filed a complaint. It went to court. My mother had to pay a lawyer. I was in the US when I had found out that they filed a complaint, and they set a court date without considering that I was in school and that they could have waited until the semester ended. It was not murder after all. The lawyer my mother hired, told us that usually, they do try to accommodate people and gladly change dates. In my case, a woman alone, with only a mother to help, no father, no husband…. I should have had to drop school and come to court, for a few pepper sprays, after my dogs had been attacked. One of these attacks ended up at the vet, where my dog had a bloody eye. The fact that I had gone to the police station and couldn’t file any kind of complaint about the off-leash dogs that were aggressive ( their owners let them be aggressive with my little dog, but would hold them against bigger dogs): The fact that I went to the cops to complain about attacks before I took matter into my own hands, was never mentioned in court. My lawyer said he was not allowed to put that in, since I hadn’t filed a proper complaint at the police station, which the cops didn’t let me do. I know that the court date wasn’t changed so that they wouldn’t hear me complain about the police, let alone mention that my dog was viciously attacked by a police dog in the country 2 years earlier. My residence was in the town where the police dogs attacked mine, so the police of the ski resort had contacted the police of my “home”town. I wasn’t going to leave school in the US, to fly back for a one day court thing. Swiss law didn’t say I had to be there, but I learned that, because I wasn’t, my lawyer didn’t say half of the stuff that I told him about the incidents. Swiss lawyers are not like in the US, allowed to fight the authorities, unless they are defending a real wealthy guy. Well I told my mother she shouldn’t pay the lawyer, she said it would get to the point where I couldn’t come back to the country or go to jail, if she didn’t. She didn’t want that. I didn’t know I should have taken that as a blessing! Not be able to go to that country ever! I must say, it would have been a man going to the cops with a small dog and asking if he could do something about dogs attacking his dog, I can swear to you that something would have been done, the cops would have driven around where he walked his dog at least!! but a young woman… who cares. The other thing about the rich country is that if you have a little dog, people walk by with a big dog ( whether it’s a labrador or other medium or big size dog) they will not hold their dog on a leash and ask you if your dog is friendly, because they don’t care about their dog attacking your little dog, but if you have a big dog, they will f*** with your everyday life unless you kneel down in front of everybody in town and show everyone how your big dog is friendly! That’s what I call a Primitive country with a big fat touch of stupidity. In poor countries, it is like that, the law of the jungle, you have a big dog you win, but in Switzerhell it’s like that and then on top of it, they call the cops when you don’t hold your big dog on a leash or if you don’t pick up poop. They also f*** with your everyday life if you’re a woman living alone because they can. I will never say it enough. It’s a filthy people who don’t deserve crap. They have so much money and they’re are grateful for nothing. They are filthy and bitter and they have no reason. Yuck yuck yuck!!!

Geneva, the international, neutral, where all the peace organizations gather, along with all the rich thugs and scumbags of the world gather. The city where if you have enough money, no one will ask you questions! The great city where prostitution flourishes like flowers in the spring! Well, if you’re a prostitute, you then have to register at the police station. Cops will say yes or no… and will tell you how to live your life. But if you have got a very rich foreign pimp, you won’t have to register, and the cops won’t touch you! I heard this from verifiable sources!! Trust me. In Geneva, better be a drug dealer than a woman with a Pitbull. You’ll be left on peace as a drug dealer. In Geneva, you’ll be left alone if you’re a rich criminal, a drug dealer, a prostitute….but not if you’re a woman with a Pitbull, nor if you’re a woman living alone. Welcome to the neutral International paradise…

　

In the village where the police was only one guy and couldn’t bug me like in Geneva, where the villagers themselves rallied to find ways to kick me out of their village, there was a couple with a pitbull. They lived in a beautiful house in the heart of the village. The woman used to walk her pitbull in the village a lot. People like that want to prove to everyone that their dog is friendly so they spend their lives talking to people on the street. She doesn’t get bothered, nor insulted by people since they all know her husband. She has it so good because her husband is not only a man but also one of the hunters of the village. During hunting season, the gang of hunters are a respected group in the village. She is convinced that by telling people about her dog and how great he is, people will actually start liking the breed. Her dog doesn’t listen when she calls him, he pulls on the leash like a crazy fool. I know people are cursing her dog, but very discreetly. There was this Italian woman who used to talk to me. She talks to everyone so she knows everything, but she was one of the ones who would still talk to me even after the village gang had met and decided to be ” meaner” to me, to get me out of the village as soon as possible, as I had not moved out after their weak first attempts to make me nervous and hope to make me dislike the village enough to leave. That Italian woman knew the Swiss well. She didn’t mind playing their game, be hypocritical herself. She had also been through some stuff people had done to her because she is Italian, a foreigner, and a not so rich one. So she would talk to me even if she knew that people would see her and tell her to stay away from me. She told me that some people if the village hated that couple and their pitbull, but pretended to say that they tolerated the one pitbull of the village. I felt the vibe of that pitbull and it wasn’t sweet. He knew how much people hated him, and was not the kind of dog to go up to people to be friendly, as mine was. Mine felt the hatred too but always had hope… That lady with the pitbull talked to me a few times in the beginning, when I had just arrived. She would say that she knew everything about dogs, that Pit-bulls were just like any other dogs. She would tell me that even if I thought I had trained my dog to walk by my side ( heeling), my dog was going to pull me and make me fall one day or another. She warned me about the winter, and how icy the main steep road would get and how I should invest in a pair of “crampons” because I would fall on the ice because of my dog pulling me . She was right about one thing : it was very icy and so thank god I had my big dog to help me when it was slippery, I always hung on to the leash or I ‘d support myself on putting my hand on his upper back. I have seen a few people fall on those steep roads and paths throuh out the winter, but thanks to Shadow, I didn’t fall once. Shiva wasn’t helping much but he was there with us struggling with the icy pavement. People would see that Shadow was helping me, but never did I get a smile, or a person saying what a good dog he was to walk right by me and let me put some weight on his back. They would still look at him with hatred. Shadow was also a bag carrier. I taught him early on to hold things in his mouth, like bags, and hold them until I told him to let go. No one ever smiled or told him that he was a great dog. I remember people in New York would congratulate him when they would see him carrying a bag. In Switzerhell they would rather the dog died. These Swiss people are such despicable creatures.

With all the hatred I feel towards us in Switzerhell, it’s amazing Shadow hasn’t tried to bite anyone. Not only do I feel the hatred but Shadow smells it, from other people towards him. Shadow is the best dog ever. Shiva never really liked people all that much, nor paid attention to them, except the ones we know. He always was much more interested in other dogs. Shadow always loved people. The sad part is that he got about as much love back as a mouse in the middle of millions of cats. Imagine your child ( well it is always easier for people to imagine their children) smiling at people, saying hello, wanting to interact. Now imagine those people giving your child dirty looks and saying things like killing your child would be the best thing for society. How would you feel? Well that’s how I feel, I felt and I will feel. Because I can’t forget about that feeling, ever. Some of you are going to say: How can I compare a child to a dog? I know some people, even with good intentions towards animals, think that human life is so much more…

In 2008, I was in Paris on vacation, to see our veterinarian. I had seen several vets in Switzerhell and had been not only disappointed by their abilities and lack of knowledge of animal medicine, and animals period. I was just not willing to vet-shop and find a decent vet after having seen a hundred. There are very few good quality veterinarians in Switzerhell, much less who like dogs of all breeds… I knew one vet in Paris who, had always been very good with treating Shiva. When we lived in Paris for a year, Shadow had gotten a spike in his ear. I had gone to the closest vet since he was crying, it was hurting him. That vet was scared of Shadow and said she had to give him anesthesia to get that thing out of his ear. I asked her if she was joking, she wasn’t. So I called Shiva’s vet across town, and had an appointment for the next day, since it was the end of the day already. Shadow was in a bit of pain all night, but in the morning, we went to that vet, and I held Shadow tight, and he got that spike out of his ear in two minutes. He didn’t hurt Shadow’s ear or anything while doing it. So I called him our vet for a while, even when we lived back in Switzerhell. So I always tried to go to him if I could, instead of going to the morons in Switzerhell. So instead of taking a vacation somewhere to relax, I went to Paris for Shiva’s teeth cleaning and Shadow’s arthritis.

A few years earlier,in Paris, there used to be many boutiques for dog stuff like food, leashes, toys, etc. Well I wanted to buy a new leash for Shadow, and the 3 dog stores I knew were closed, gone. The French like dogs more than the Swiss, but the economy isn’t doing great in France so people can’t spend much on their dogs. So I asked around as to where to buy a leash, and the only place I found was a store where they sell puppies and kittens, a puppy mill, basically. I couldn’t believe that the only dog store that would survive in a big area of Paris, would be a puppy mill store, a store where you can see puppies in the window, very young puppies. I hate those things with a passion, would love to have the time and money to fight against those puppy mills. Supposedly they are people in France who fight against them but there is not enough that is done against these atrocities! I looked at these puppies in tiny cages, and I thought these puppies should be with their mother until someone offers them a home, but these little cute souls were put in prison by idiots. The dogs would be traumatized for life because most people won’t know how to deal with these hurt angels who can turn into predators only because they didn’t get that essential time with their mothers at an early age! Three months, is that too much to ask for? I went in the store and wanted to cry. I talked to the owner a bit, asked him questions about their age. He lied. He said I had an accent. I said I was Swiss. He told me how many Swiss would come there and buy puppies! Of course! Who else, other than the uneducated French would come and buy puppies from puppy mills!! In Switzerhell, there are a few stores like that, but not many because it doesn’t look good. You can find those dogs, usually from Eastern Europe, for sale in the back of a farm or in a warehouse. The Swiss don’t know that puppies shouldn’t be transported in a truck like cattle, that puppies should be with their mother until a certain age. Do you know how much money the Swiss have, to educate themselves? They not only have money to get on the web, buy books, take classes, etc, but they claim they know everything already….. So they should know better. But they don’t. All they do is be hateful towards others, including when they don’t do anything! Talk about dogs, it is legal to eat cats and dogs in Switzerhell. It is just not legal to steal someone’s animal and eat it. They proudly wrote about the legality of eating cats and dogs in a free paper read by many. They wrote that some girls had been photographed eating cat. There was a picture in that paper. I was shocked. The girls were holding a thigh, like a chicken thigh! The readers found nothing wrong with it. Some might have been shocked, but didn’t say anything nor do anything about it. Thats’s the Swiss. They know the laws are decided at a higher level and are used to noticing but not doing. The Swiss are not used to fighting for a good cause. They will kill their neighbor’s cat or dog, but no “dog-lover” will ever take action to try to change things. Don’t get me wrong, cat and dog lovers think it’s wrong to eat the animals, even in Switzerhell. But they don’t do anything about it. The reaction to try to do something about it is just not in the culture. They just complain from their kitchen and that’s it!

I was in Geneva the day the law about putting a muzzle on 13 breeds of dogs everywhere outside their homes, officially started. They had announced the date. I was walking around town, I was curious to see protesters, or at least a stand where people could sign a petition against it, but nothing! Nada! Some people just decided not to obey the law, like the young white dude I saw that day, who walked his pitbull while he was riding his bicycle without a leash, and without a muzzle. I once saw the cops driving right by punks like that, not in a hurry to go anywhere, but cops don’t bother men. But me, I get a 130 franc ticket for getting my dog out of the car for a short pee pee walk before putting him back in the car while I was taking a Capoeira class. That was in a quiet neighborhood with no one around, except a few cars driving by. I don’t think I am cursed or that I have bad luck, so I know it’s because I am a woman and the cops love to tell women what to do, and give them tickets if they deserve it. Like France, Swiss cops are afraid of thugs, or dudes who look like thugs. Even black men, cops are afraid of, but they are more eager to arrest them and beat them up in public. in Geneva, I know a North African guy who had been arrested for some fight he got into with a guy outside of a club one night. Of course he was released after a few days. But that incident was on his record. One day the cops came to his apartment and took his dog away. The dog was a super-friendly pitbull. They took him away for no apparent reason. The reason was that the guy had a record ( as small as it was) , and a pitbull. This is how bad it is. The police has the right to take your dog away, if the dog is of one of the 13 breeds, any time, any day! The sad thing was that the cops put the dog in a shelter. They could see that the dog was a great friendly dog. They didn’t kill him as they would have if the dog wasn’t as super-friendly. The dog who had been used to his owner, who didn’t treat him badly at all, was now in a shelter, abandoned, just because Swiss cops needed to who the North African guy that they were in power, and that he wasn’t allowed to have a pitbull, because of one fight outside a bar, where no one got hurt. The guy didn’t sell drugs and had a job. He had had no trouble with the police before that one fight outside the bar. If the dog had been vicious or showed signs of aggressive behavior, I could see how someone who had several problems with the law, would have his dog taken away. I wouldn’t believe in this, but I could see how a strict country could do that. Switzerhell is not a strict country. It is a f**ked up vicious hypocritical piece of s****.

Some young Swiss people tell me:” Well my cousin got bitten by his own pitbull, the family dog, so I hate these dogs”. The Swiss have no clue on how a dog gets to be who she or he is. They think the breed, therefore the genes do it all. Well when you look at it, they believe that with humans too. They will tell you how the French are, the Italians are, the Africans are ( and I don’t think they know Africa is a continent not a country). That’s why they themselves believe certain things about their own people and are convinced that everyone is the same. If someone is different, then evidently that person has to be a foreigner. I do consider myself a foreigner, but technically I am Swiss. To them I should be like everyone else, think and act alike. So the Swiss believe a dog breed has its traits and the environment has nothing to do with it. They just think a few beatings here and there will give the dog the education he needs. A pitbull is a vicious dog so in that particular case where the cousin was bitten by the family dog, it was all the dog’s fault. The breed’s fault! Could it be the family’s fault where the dog didn’t know its place in the pack? That’s the most probable cause to me. Some people get dogs and spoil them like children like to be spoiled, or better, like adults like to be spoiled! Some stupid Swiss will on one hand spoil the dog and then hit the dog after the dog has done something wrong, many times they hit the dog a minute later. The dog gets so confused about everything that is happening to him. Many eat after the dog. The dog knows these innate rules about living in a pack. Humans have to learn that basic stuff about dogs. Even if when you think about it, it works in human logic too: the king eats first, and the rest of the people eat after. Or the king goes first, and the rest follows. Dogs like to be spoiled and please don’t let me stop you from spoiling your dog! But do it in a dog way. Spoiling your dog will mean taking her or him for a long walk, going to meet some dog friends to play with, or buy her or him a treat which the dog will enjoy getting after doing something that her, his owned asked, like a “sit” for example. You want a dog, you gotta play the game. Swiss people have dogs like cattle, and at the same time, they let the dog eat before them, get on the bed, etc. These dogs are majorly confused about their role. They are not happy. All the dogs that I have come across in Switzerhell try to bite, attack someone or something at some point.

　

Every day of my life I have woken up in the morning , glancing at my dogs and thought how beautiful they were. Well yes I chose breeds which I think are beautiful, but the vibe they give off, is also what makes them beautiful. Life has not always been easy, and I have not always been happy and calm with them, but their presence was always so precious that in the morning before I see anybody else, I always cherish looking at my dogs. It is still is. They are old now and I try to be there with them, as life gets a little more painful, as life slowly slips away. I won’t dwell on the fact that dogs’ lives are short. Yes but it’s how it is. Shadow was poisoned but at age 8. He had a short life but a life nevertheless. These nasty people didn’t take that away from us. We had a life together . What I have felt for these dogs and still feel, what they have brought to me is more than any Swiss share between each other. I am not exaggerating. Swiss have no real feelings. They are caught up in their nasty selves whom they can’t even discover until the day they die. I could imagine how the second before they die, they could all of a sudden understand a few things about themselves that they never thought of during their nasty existence. They raise their children because it’s the thing to do, mostly because they have nothing else to do. It keeps them busy. Few of them actually love their children. The few that do love them are the ones whose ego is huge. They enjoy seeing a smaller version of them running around.

I know all this because I was really Swiss until not too long ago. And then little by little I got rid of more and more Swiss cells in me. When I was 11, my mother had agreed to get our first dog. My grandparents had a dog, and he was the dog closest to me when I grew up, and I liked the dog but I can’t tell you how I felt really. I don’t remember having real feelings. Even with my first dog who was living with my mother and I, I guess I liked the dog but it’s like, I guess I liked my friends. I don’t know if I really did have feelings. My parents I needed I knew that feeling, and there is a natural bond that creates from a child to her or his parents. When my father died, the problem was not how to deal with the pain. It was where and how was the pain? I could never pinpoint feelings until later in life when I opened up, outside of Switzerhell. I always felt that my mother didn’t love me and it’s because Swiss people don’t know what feelings are. It’s a big retardation problem. I know for a fact that it is like that with 98% of the Swiss. There are exceptions for everything. It’s not like the Swiss are so cold blooded that they don’t have feelings. It’s worse, they don’t know what they are and who they are.

Both my Shadow and Shiva were bought in France. It just happened like that. Well it’s also because the Swiss breeders I went to see didn’t know jack about dogs. When I was looking to get a bigger dog for me and Shiva, I went to shelters in Switzerhell, where either they would tell me that a big dog wouldn’t get along with a small dog…. or that they would rather kill the big dogs who don’t get adopted than give them to people who live in apartments. They needed people with a house… Or they would tell me that they preferred giving a big dog to someone without a dog, so they would take care of their one dog better than someone who have two… I then went to see a few breeders of the breeds I liked, in Switzerhell. Some said that their breed would automatically eat or hurt the little dog, even if I would get the big dog as a puppy… Some breeders had sick puppies they would try to sell as healthy puppies. Swiss people don’t know dogs and don’t like them. I get it now. So I got Shiva in Paris and Shadow three years later, two hours from Paris. I was living in Switzerhell then, and didn’t have a car. My mother didn’t trust me to lend me her car ( I was 31 years old), so she drove me and Shiva to get our Shadow. She was in a hurry to get back to Switzerhell so she didn’t want to go see several breeders. So even though I wanted a female, the only one who looked great at the breeder’s we went to, was a boy, Shadow. Shiva was not thrilled at the beginning, but he learned to love him, and Shadow learned very early on that I needed him to be good to Shiva, not hurt him, and protect him. I sometimes thought Shadow didn’t like Shiva because he never played with him. He of course wanted to play when he first arrived, but he was too tough so I didn’t let him that much. Later on, he knew that I cared so much for Shiva, that he wouldn’t play with him because he knew he could hurt him by accident. I put them in small places together, like the back seat of the car, the kennel when someone I didn’t know came in the apartment, or they would themselves decide to sleep on the same bed. Shadow, during his whole life, took very good care of our tiny boy. They would play on several very exciting occasions like the first snowy days outside for example. Shiva would growl and jump on two legs, jump on Shadow’s sides, and Shadow would growl back, running with him, but knowing that he couldn’t do much more, in order not to hurt Shiva. I learned to love these dogs more and more each year. I have never loved anyone the way I love Shiva and Shadow. I didn’t know love, or any other real feelings before leaving Switzerhell. When I was growing up, I was a very normal kid compared to the others. I was alive, aware and full of energy for a Swiss kid. But I didn’t know life and love until I tasted life outside the country. It didn’t mean it was all better, because when you start to feel things, there is joy and happiness but there is pain that you discover too. Swiss society is numb, without a soul ( in every sense of the term). No wonder dogs are nothing to them. Some people think that because the dog is part of their life, it must mean something, so they go to the vet, take care of the animal because they think that they must love the animal! Truth is they love the company of the animal, just like they love the company of people, but it is just their ancestral need for companionship, primitive, basic. The dog has a better sense of reality than her , his Swiss owner.

　

I have heard so many people say : ” We treat cats and dogs better than people in this country!”. Most of them say that when they see all the expensive dog and cat toys and beds and things that stores sell. These people say that instead of buying expensive dog and cat stuff that they don’t really need, those people should send that money to charities. These people who say that, are the same people who spend thousands on paintings and other art forms to decorate their homes. To them, that’s not money wasted. I say: Money is not well spent all over the planet! Stop hating cats and dogs who make more people happy than any of your material stuff, whatever the purpose.

　

Swiss people don’t see reality as it is at all. Of course they are sheltered from the crime, from knowing what really goes on around them. The Swiss, 98% of them don’t have a clue on what goes on. Most people don’t know that animals shelters kill animals, dogs especially, everyday because they don’t have the space for them, or rather, don’t care about dogs enough to work with them a bit or give them a chance to live. Most shelters are too lazy to go out and try to get more funds from people. There is so much money in Switzerhell that if shelters would work at it, even if most people don’t love dogs, they are enough who would give a bit of money if motivated by facts like they shouldn’t have their children grow up in a country where dogs are killed everyday without giving them a chance. Shelters also have too many workers that are lazy, don’t want to work fast or well, and don’t really care about animals in general. I used to walk dogs at 2 shelters, when it was just me and Shiva, two afternoons a week for several months, as a volunteer, even if they don’t give that title in Switzerhell. You would think that aside from the dogs, the people from the shelters would somehow appreciate it. Well Swiss shelters also take dogs on vacation, when people need to put their dogs somewhere when they go on vacation. Shelters make money that way. I once went to NYC for 5 days and for the first time I was going to leave my dogs for a few days. I thought that one of the shelters where I volunteered would be ok, that they knew me, and they would take good care of my dogs. I called every day from NYC to find out if everything was ok and if they had any questions about anything that came up and they always responded: ” nothing everything is fine!”. They might have thought I was annoying to call everyday, as no one ever did that before. Was the fact that I called everyday, or the fact that they don’t care about animals too too much, the reason why I found Shiva with all his front nails cut to the skin. I didn’t see it the day that I went to get them, because we were all so excited to see each other. The next day I saw Shiva’s paws. I called them and they said that nothing happened , they didn’t know what I was talking about… Someone from another shelters told me that it had happened to their shelter once. The bastards had dropped a metal door ( sliding or rather vertically falling, door). Shiva had not paid attention and these bastards had not watched for the little dog. I later found out that that when the skin under the nail is cut, it hurts like hell and the dog bleeds a lot when the cut is deeper than the claw. And it was that deep. I cannot tell you what I felt. Not only did these people not have the decency to tell me what happened and apologize, but they lied about anything happening. I cannot tell you what would have happened if I suddenly had come back early from NYC. I went there to meet a guy who was offering me a job, well an exchange situation, which I later took . Had I seen that being done to my Shiva, I would have strangled that person with my bear hands. Just thinking about it makes me want to do worse. I am so protective of my own, that I am often afraid not of others, but of what others will make me do to them.

Swiss shelters also have very limited opening hours for people to come and see the dogs. Some shelters only open three days a week. At night no one ever sleeps there. Whatever animal gets sick at night, well she or he dies. Shelters are really strict about their opening hours. You can’t abandon your dog at certain times.. If your dog was found and brought to the shelter, and when you called, the shelter told you that your dog is there, you have to wait until opening hours. I was there once when a man whose little dog had been found and brought to the shelter was ringing the bell and screaming that he wanted his dog, that he lived far, had to go to work and didn’t have time to come back during opening hours… The people working there said to each other: ” Who does he think he is, we have work to do here!” The work consisted of slow cleaning, with cigarette and coffee breaks every hour…

When it is opening hours at animal shelters, you can see a lot of people who just come to see, out of curiosity. I know some come to see dogs in pain, in cages. It reassures Swiss to see animals who are sad. To some of them, these abandoned dogs are still treated too good. Some bring their children to see dogs. Most of them don’t even volunteer to walk a dog or two, they just stare at the dogs. The children ask for one. The parents sometimes get one, only to bring her or him back two weeks later when the dog pooped on their favorite carpet… Some explain to their children that they can have one when they promise to take care of him. Then they return the dog to the shelter about 3 months later… You also see lonely people at shelters, who wonder if a dog could keep them company… On one of the days I was still hoping to get a second dog from a Swiss shelter, I went through the outside area ( the outside cages) with Shiva. I saw this one small dog that Shiva might have liked. I asked the lady at the shelter if I could have the dogs meet. She said yes, and she took the dog out of the cage. A lonely bitter older woman walking by, said: ” Unbelievable! these people think that they can see if 2 dogs get along in 5 minutes!” Of course I was a woman and that entitled her to insult me like that out loud. Yes it was an insult, the tone on which she talked, making it evident that I was the stupid one. I was in such a good mood looking at dogs, with my baby… But I will never forget that filthy female rat ( sorry for the rats I have nothing against them really) talking to me like that when I was doing nothing wrong and having a good time! If she really cared and wanted to help, she would have come to talk to me with a normal tone of voice. And if these people knew anything about dogs, they would know that really if you want 2, 3,4 or more dogs to get along, you’re the master, you have to create the environment for them to be happy and understand that if you decided that they have to get along, they will. They may not play, but they will tolerate each other at least. I just wanted to see how Shiva would react to that dog. I didn’t know the shelter but I knew my boy and could tell if there was a chance that they would become best buddies.

But to the Swiss, dogs are dogs, and if they don’t get along, oh well we’ll get rid of one! I remember this lady with 2 small female dogs. She used to say that they fought all the time. That woman had a really high pitch voice when she would yell at them. It almost sounded that she was celebrating their fighting. She would scream with that voice that wasn’t scary at all, plus I am not sure she really meant what she was saying. If you don’t have a voice that sounds like a “no no”, then at least mean what you say with great passion! If you want them to stop, you’ve got to mean it. Animals don’t pretend or “say” something they don’t mean. Of course they have different intensities in what they express. So if you want the animal to get what you’re saying you have to use words ( syllables) that she or he knows but more importantly use the intensity inside you when you say it.

Training dogs is one thing, but the least a rich community can do when people take their dogs outside of their property, is to socialize the dogs. If the dogs are not trained and don’t listen to their owner, at least have a community where the dogs, which are very social animals, can interact with one another, and other animals as well. Dogs in Switzerhell always fight other dogs, and bark like crazy when they’re on leashes. Dogs are not used to cows, horses, sheep and other animals which are all around the little country. Is it that hard to take the puppy and later the dog to various places to make sure she or he is comfortable with all animals and people? My big dog was too good for that country. He was good to dogs, cows, horses. He didn’t hunt when we went for daily walks in the forest, where I saw signs put up every year that said: “All dogs hunt, even yours!!” with a nasty picture of a poor animal half eaten by a vicious dog, probably your local labrador. I have nothing against the breed, but the people who buy labs in Switzerhell often choose the dog because it is said that this dog is friendly and easy to handle. People usually don’t train them at all. people think they don’t need to know anything about dogs to have a lab. It turns out many labs bite the kids of the family and then the parents scream murder and don’t understand why their nice lab all of a sudden bit their kid!! They get a dog, don’t learn anything about them, and when she or he bites, they get rid of the dog. It’s like they buy a TV, it doesn’t work because they refuse to read the pamphlet on how to use it, they get rid of it. The Swiss don’t love animals. They would never spend money or ressources to save an animal. Well farmers will save their own cattle because it’s their bread and butter. On Swiss TV, there is a half hour of something they call ” funny animals”, every week or so. It’s actually funny animal footage from American or Canadian TV, because the Swiss don’t have funny animals(…). First of all, their animals are not happy, and the few times that they’re actually funny , no one bothers filming them. A few times Swiss TV will also buy American animal shows from animal rescues, which is something new and shocking for the Swiss because they would never put that much effort to save animals’ lives. So it’s funny to them. When you have a dog trapped in a pipe or a hole: If the owner can’t get her or him, no one will. If a wild animal is trapped in a somewhat dangerous place, no one will get close to risking their life to save the animal. That is such a North American thing to do. In very poor countries, I can understand that saving an animal in danger is tough when they often don’t spend the money or time to save a human being, but a country like Switzerland? These people are so heartless, soul-less, that even if a lot of times they wouldn’t have to spend extra money to save animals’ lives, they don’t feel like spending the time and effort because they don’t think it matters and they don’t care.

In the summer time you can see these Swiss people’s tattoos. Some women have dolphins on their shoulders. It’s cute, they think. But do they worry about the animal’s well-fare at ALL? Of course not. They have never informed themselves on the specie. You’re gona tell me, some Americans have the same thing on their shoulder or back. Well, are these American educated? Most likely, they earn three times less money than the Swiss with the same tattoo. The Swiss person with the dolphin tattoo lives in a comfortable apartment with internet, leather couches, all the kitchen appliances you can think of, all the stereo system you can imagine ( even if they only listen to music once a month) and a brand new car. They get a tattoo of an animal and don’t really think further. The American who gets a dolphin tattoo without caring about the animal, will be living very modestly. I am saying that everyone who gets a tattoo of an endangered specie, should spend all her or his spare time volunteering for the animal’s cause, but educated people will have interests and passions for which they will try to do some good, instead of living a life of sitting watching TV and thinking an animal’s picture is cute… The one that gets me personally is the pitbull tattoo. If they have a pitbull at home, they don’t even take care of the animal well most of the time. The pitbull is a victim of the people who hate the breed and the people who think they love the breed, who get them because it’s a tough looking dog and the dog makes them feel strong. Pitbulls, because of their massive amount of energy, need more attention, more running, more training exercices and more love ( to balance out all the hatred they get)! If you give your dog all that and your dog is not a pitbull, more power to you!! But the kind of people who get pitbulls around the world are mostly men who need the dog to feel stronger, tougher, and because these guys are so into themselves, they don’t take care of the dogs well enough. Those who have pits and are responsible loving caring owners won’t feel concerned, then let me acknowledge you and thank you. Now when I talk about pitbulls, I will include , not 13 breeds like the stupid Swiss but I will include any breed that happens to have extra energy which needs to be channeled, and the ones who have extra strength in their jaws. One needs to be responsible, for the dog’s well-being. If the dog is happy, balanced, trained, the dog won’t bite anyone.

Dudes with tattoos of a pitbull do nothing for the breed ( excuse me for the one or two on the planet who do help the breed or other similar breeds). These guys don’t fight for the Pit-bull’s well-being, against the hatred and killing and poisoning that goes on in Switzerhell and a few other European countries ( that are known to go kill their neighbors’ dogs). In Switzerhell, I know this guy who had a Rottweiler on a long leash in front of his house. He lived near a main road: some people went there to untie the dog who was outside so that the dog would run on the road and get killed and that’s what happened. How far can stupidity stretch in a rich country?

The Swiss hate pitbulls and every breed that looks like them, and are the first to show pictures of a bloody Pit-bull’s mouth when a kid gets bitten in the country. The pitbull gets the front page, no matter how many wars are going on in the world, and no matter how much hidden crime goes on in Switzerhell. It’s funny how we, in the French part don’t really get news from the German part of Switzerhell except when a pitbull bites. Then we hear about it, to tell everyone that ALL these dogs are vicious! Dog shelters: when I talked to them about the cause, they just shrug and say that’s how it, that’s life, we can’t do anything but take in a few nice pits here and there to try to place them. Yes because if they’re not super softy friendly , no one will try to rehabilitate the dog. That is a foreign concept in Switzerhell. The Geneva law says that cops are allowed to shoot a dog of the 13 breeds on the street or anywhere if the dog barely barks or growls at someone! Imagine the nightmares of the children who witness a dog being shot on the street, which happens a lot more times than a dog biting someone on the streets!!

　

I truly think certain breeds are too beautiful to live in a filthy country like Switzerhell. It’s like putting a super model in a tiny remote Swiss village where the most beautiful females are the cows! The Swiss are intimidated and for them intimidation leads to want to harm. The Swiss are intimidated by money but they’re used to that and they know that money is dangerous so they stay careful. They are intimidated by beauty. Unless it’s for them to use and benefit from, they are full of hatred towards beauty. They’re intimidated by someone with brains. The Swiss will check if that someone has money, and if she or he doesn’t, they will show their disapproval for people who think they are or prove to be smarter than them. Sometimes they are in denial about anything good, beautiful or smart around them, so they refuse to see it, if they don’t have the time to mess it up. One day, a girl in Switzerhell said to her girlfriend out loud so I could hear: ” yuh, look at how ugly that dog is”. My big dog ugly? It’s like saying that Brad Pit is ugly. I mean you may not like his style but you can’t say he is ugly! My big dog is a good looking dog. I remember seeing one dog of the same breed as mine that was better looking than mine, objectively. He belonged to a French girl. One could not like the breed, but some dogs, like some horses are just beautiful.

　

In Switzerhell, my Shadow was hit by an older guy in the forest, twice as a puppy, in different places. When he was little, 4 to 6 months, we would go for walks in the forest and I would let him off leash because he already listened to me a little bit and I didn’t feel he had any tendency to run away. He wasn’t an aggressive puppy, either. As a pups, he was full of energy. He would run up to people and start barking, but with a fun puppy bark and his tail wagging. The idiot Swiss, especially men would get scared because of the breed and his look. Sometimes I would get to the dog really fast, take him by the collar and keep walking. Young people didn’t freak out most of the times because they saw he was young and playful. This one older guy one day, had a stick, as most Swiss people hiking ( they think it’s a weapon…), started hitting him. I was running uphill to get to them. He hit him like three or four times until my dog squeaked. I was new at this, I didn’t know people would hit a puppy, back then. I yelled at the guy but he was walking away fast and I was more concentrating on my dog to see if he was ok, than to catch the guy. He was ok, so life went on. The same thing happened again a month later, in my hometown, the places where I grew up and where crooked cops were in power ( abuse of their power). Shadow was already learning that going up to people in a playful way was bad and dangerous…. He loved people that dog. Some dogs are not into people that much but he was. It broke my heart to see what was done to him. Then later, I moved to Paris for a year. I found a child care position in Versailles where I could live in a little bungalow in the garden of their neighbors, so the dogs were ok to be with me in there. I thought Versailles was a beautiful place. People are allowed to walk their dogs in the huge Versailles parc. It is quite pretty, and it feels like you’re living in old royal France… The three adopted kids from Vietnam were not easy to take care of. The youngest would throw tantrums in the middle of the street all the time. I had to pick them up from school. It wasn’t your easy walk back, nice and smooth kind of thing. Getting from the school to the house was a dilemma. I then understood why they hired me and not a young girl, and also why my dogs would be the least of their problems. I don’t know if the adoption or the education of the kids were at fault, but these kids were impossible to manage. They lived in a nice neighborhood. When I would walk my dogs in the area, I would get insults from these rich suburbans. I remember getting the same comment as I got in Switzerhell a few times about how all dogs of his breed should be exterminated. In France I may have gotten harsh insults like in Switzerhell, but never did I get vicious actions taken in my back nor in my face for that matter.

When I lived in Switzerhell, in an apartment building, there was a family with a female Pit-bull on the ground floor. She wasn’t friendly to other dogs. The owners were a family and the father was the super, so people couldn’t complain too much about the dog, plus since there was a baby in the apartment, and the dog was handled by a man, people didn’t backstab them too often. I once saw them with the dog in the street and the dog jumped on Shadow and made him fall onto a bicycle. She didn’t really bite him luckily, she just wanted to show who was the boss. I didn’t make a big deal out of it, but the owners started saying to all the tenants that my dog had attacked their dog. They were probably scared that I would file a complaint against their dog so they went on to make me the vilain in the first place. This is how people in Switzerhell don’t help each other when they have dogs of certain hated breeds. You would think that people would stick together when they are under attack for the same reason, but the Swiss are so full of hatred that they hate even the ones who suffering from the same disease as them.

Once a guy had a female German Shepard in heat, which was off leash, and told to watch my dog… Luckily that asshole was talking to someone and not really watching his dog. Shadow started humping her right away. I was hoping that prick wouldn’t look as the dogs were a bit further. A moment later, the guy he was taking to saw the dogs. I yelled that my dog was fixed. He screamed he didn’t care and started going to the dogs with his stick up in the air, ready to strike. I ran and said I’d separate them. I did. The 2 dogs screamed. It was painful. I heard my Shadow screaming and in pain and I wanted to hit that guy so bad! A few times at that parc there was a guy and his wife with their three dogs who would scream at me when I would get close to the parc, and say: No don’t come in while we’re here. Stay out ! It was a public area, a green space where anyone and any dog could walk on. The first time I heard them, I went another way, but the second time I wanted to use the parc as well. I wanted to throw a few balls for Shadow. My Shadow was very friendly to all dogs. So I went in and the guy kicked my dog with his foot. I called my dog and stayed in the parc. I wanted to hit the guy, but his dogs kept coming to us to play. His dogs wouldn’t listen to him and it was driving him nuts that they would come to us. I screamed that if he approached me after having kicked my dog, things would get ugly. He was an older guy by himself, and as much as he would have wanted to hit me as well, he could see his dogs liked not only my dogs but me too. So he waited until his dogs came to him and left. 10 minutes later, I saw the cops come by, come in the parc, and asked me to empty my pockets. The idiot guy had called the cops , of course. The cops wanted me to show ID, and empty all my pockets. I had almonds in a brown bag, the police took that, broke the bag and all my almonds fell out. They didn’t even apologize. Then the cops left while threatening me that if they had another call about me threatening people or selling drugs (…), they would catch me.

　

One day, a guy was running on a narrow path where we were and he ran near us, not being afraid of Shadow, he pushed Shadow down the steep hill, with his knee, just because he could, just because he saw the dog wasn’t aggressive, just to f*** with us. That was a young guy. Did he say “excuse me”, of course not. “Excuse me” doesn’t exist in Switzerhell when it’s a man pushing a woman or her dog. Well, “excuse me” doesn’t even exist in public places when people are pushing to get someone, so imagine if a man pushed a dog down a hill, and the dog belonged to a woman… He kept on running. 2 months later, there was a middle aged guy jogging with his lab. He ran past us. The lab and Shadow started to play. He didn’t want his dog to play with mine. The dogs were in the back of him. He knew his dog wouldn’t listen so he yelled at me to call my dog or he would kick go him. It was so ridiculous, that I knew that he wanted to say that he wanted to kick me if I didn’t call my dog. He had run past the dogs and me. I figured he wouldn’t run back to kick my dog, but he did, right in the ribs. My goodness I felt like shooting the guy. When he hit my dog, I could hear the noise of his foot against the ribcage!!! I swear I would have shot him if I had had a gun. I still to this day want to find him and shoot him. The dogs were playing! He couldn’t make his dog obey so it was up to me to call my dog so he could keep running and have his dog come back to him when he saw that my dog would come back to me. The fact that he yelled at me like I was some kind of low-class citizen, and that he kicked my dog for no reason, while my dog was playing nicely with his lab, got me in an furious mood for that whole day and still does now when I think about it. I had Shiva on a leash back then and therefore couldn’t drop the leash and little Shiva to run after that moron with Shadow. That piece of trash should pray and thank my Shiva that I didn’t do anything to him. I never saw him again after that, even if I looked. I later moved from that town anyway.

I then lived in an apartment , under a family with two little children. The father looked at me like he already wanted to kill me when I moved in with my 2 dogs. The parents were not bright at all. The kids would always open my front door supposedly because they didn’t remember they lived on the second floor. Since I didn’t lock all the time, the parents got afraid that my dogs would bite them one day. They didn’t… but the parents couldn’t stand me being there with the dogs. They decided to step on their floor with sound-making shoes, so I would hear them and it would wake me up every night. The woman didn’t work so she would have the time to do that at all hours, night and day. I didn’t call the cops because I knew they would say the dogs were dangerous for their kids and “man plus kids” always win. So I took their s*** for a while until I moved… Same old story. I didn’t move only because of them. There were other people messing with me as usual. The farmer who lived at the end of the road, and whose daughter had to walk on a path nearby to go to school , where I would walk my dogs in the morning, and who was scared of dogs, once got out of his truck with his rifle and threatened to shoot my dog on the spot. Seeing that rifle near my dog made me so tense, I was breaking my fingers while squeezing my fists as hard as I could. I again couldn’t go to the cops because I knew for a fact that the farmer would get his way and might get me arrested for something I didn’t do. I am a woman and don’t look very threatening that Swiss can mess with me all the time, but when I get really upset, I turn green , which make some people laugh and some others back off because they realize they went too far for no good reason. Walking there, I had to be on guard all the time, knowing that that farmer would come and shoot me or my dogs if I went there at the same time as his little girl walked on that path. Another guy in the area, who was a certified hunter and who had his dog off the leash at all times, was threatening that I couldn’t live there and have my dog off leash. I asked him if his dog had a special medal that he had the right to be off leash, and he said that it was a hunting breed and very friendly. He didn’t even know my dog and my dog was super friendly, he was still young. This was not a hunting area, it was near houses and apartment buildings. He yelled at me that I had to have my dog on a leash even if all other dogs were off leash. In my hometown as a puppy when I went to my mother’s house, I already had to have him on a leash according to the idiot cops, when all other dogs were running free. There was no law at the time about any breed having to be on a leash. Actually in the books there was a law that said that dogs should be on leashes in the village. I don’t remember anyone owning a leash around my mother’s house. People, men, cops, twist the laws to their advantage. If women don’t follow the laws, they get her arrested, or if they can’t catch her doing the thing the men don’t like, they arrest her for something else, anything they can find.

In a town where Swiss French meets Swiss German, where both languages are spoken, I rented a studio once I found a stupid job there, and walked my dogs on paths like other people with their dogs off leash. I think there was not one day when I didn’t get a few insults and people telling me to leave the forest because it was a peaceful place and they didn’t want to see one of THOSE dogs. I think in that town there isn’t a single person that is decent and that will mind its own business. It wasn’t a village thing where people would get together and plan to get me out of the area. It was a town where people were so frustrated because of the two languages that they won’t pass an opportunity to bully a single female with a dog of a breed they don’t want to see. There was this retired cop ( “I am a retired cop” is something people say out loud to scare other people…) in that forest with his Belgian Shepard, who once told his lady friend to hold her dog, he was going to beat me up. I had dared say “Bonjour” in a not so friendly way like he said it. After I heard him threaten to beat me up, I turned around with a different look and told him to try so he could figure out if my dog was really friendly or not, because I could tell he wasn’t sure if the dog was really friendly or not . His lady friend begged him not to do it and he didn’t. I walked by a few times later and he was alone with his dog , I could tell by his look he wanted to kill us, but was maybe a bit scared to use his old cop weapon… Maybe he didn’t have the whole police force on his side anymore…

I remember this other older guy on the street in that bilingual town: I was going away at someone’s house for the week-end. I had two big bags and my dogs on leashes. I had to meet my friend a bit far from where I lived so I was walking there. I didn’t have a car anyway. So I was walking on the street with 2 big bags and 2 dogs on leashes… And this guy who was walking towards me, didn’t want to move around me. He was walking straight towards me as if he was going to run into me. There weren’t a lot of people on the street. I thought : clearly, he can move to the side a bit, since I had one dog on each side and was carrying heavy bags. The man, who is used to having women walk around him while he confidently keeps going straight because that’s the way he likes it, did not want to make the tiny effort to deviate off his straight line. He pushed me into a car. I had pulled the dogs to the left so they would be on the same side, so that the guy could walk on my right. No, the old man couldn’t believe that a woman would not move for him. I did pull the dogs, and I am sure he noticed. There were cars parked on the side of the road. As he pushed us, since Shadow was walking right by me, he got slammed into a car. I then fell onto to him and the car. I dropped Shiva’s leash by accident. I couldn’t believe that prick Swiss piece of s***. I wanted to start yelling at him, when I saw there was a street 3 meters, and Shiva was running towards it. I ran to catch Shiva’s leash just before he hit the busy street . That older man was pretty big and tall. It wasn’t a man who was lost in his thoughts, I saw his face before he ran into us. He was looking at me with a vicious look. I was furious. He could have done this because of the breed of Shadow or because I am a woman who didn’t want to move for him to be able to walk in a straight line, as men should be able to do, in society…. People witnessed it, but as usual they don’t say anything, just stared! The guy wasn’t in a hurry. He turned around and looked at us, as to say: That’ll teach you not to let men walk by first. Things like that happen all the time and, it shows you what a different truth this is, compared to the ideal image that the world has of the Swiss people ( or whoever lives in Switzerland)! I usually move on the sidewalk when I see a man or sometimes a woman walking right towards me. I know they want to win their little game of “who is going to move for who”. I have other battles to fight than that one. Even though, on an everyday basis, that crap is annoying. That is one of the reasons why I got that chalet in the middle of nowhere. Living there gets rid of half of the crap a woman has to deal with on an everyday basis.

What is really ironic in Switzerhell is that people will do everything in their power to make a person with a dog of “THOSE breeds” leave a village, a neighborhood, an apartment,because they can’t stand having the dogs around them , but they protect the privacy of pedophiles, and don’t care not knowing where they live. It is actually a crime to spread the word, in a neighborhood, about a pedophile moving in! You better not get caught talking to people, or worse distributing pamphlets about the pedophile’s past actions. You can go to jail for doing that. The number of pedophiles is huge in Switzerhell, as it is in other countries I imagine, but the way Swiss laws ( and people agree with the laws) protect these men’s basic privacy, daily right for peace, second or third chance to prove they can stop their crap, and the comfort of not being bothered by those terrible worried mothers ( there are not that many worried mothers, just a few foreigners like anglophones and sometimes latin mothers). Swiss people feel sorry for pedophiles. They usually don’t feel sorry for anyone…. I have heard some Swiss people say: ” pedophiles are just men who get weak”. When there are priests who get caught raping or molesting children, the Swiss say that it’s only because priests don’t have the right to get married. If they did, they wouldn’t do that to children. I am shocked every time I hear that. It doesn’t come from uneducated people only, it comes from politicians , city officials and the media. To them, giving priests the right to marry would eliminate all sexual assault towards children. I am not a psychologist, but isn’t it in some scientific discovery book, that pedophiles are sick people ( who according to some theories can never be cured), and not just men in bad need for sex???

In the beautiful little village where the nice people tried to run me and my dogs over with cars, where the nice people messed with my car, my sleep, my mail, so that I would finally move out, because of the breed of my dog, there was this guy who I used to talk to, in the beginning. He was from Bosnia, working for the mental institution of the village. Walking by that place, one could see and hear many very noticeably ( as opposed to ” seeming normal”) mentally disturbed people. The Bosnian guy was the kind of guy who would talk to everyone, friendly, not too bright ( he later go fired because the Swiss don’t like people who talk too much about too many things). He told me a lot about that mental place. One of the young guys I saw walking around the village, from that institution, seemed a bit too weird and too forward in his speech to strangers. I asked about him, and asked why he was allowed to walk around the village and not the others. He had raped teenage girls, but had been proven sick back then. Now he was getting better, the Swiss doctor said… These idiot Swiss must be joking! I saw that crazy rapist harassing girls out loud on the street all the time. He did to me, verbally too, until I avoided him like the devil, so that I wouldn’t loose it one day and kick him. For a year and a half that I lived there, the villagers would stand by their windows every time I walked the dogs ( 3 times a day ) and if I stopped near their house, they would yell that my dogs couldn’t pee nor poop near their house! They all had their dogs off leash in the village and even though mine were always on leashed within the village, they would insult me and my dog, as we were walking. In the beginning sure I could ignore it because it’ was SO pathetic. But how can I keep on ignoring comments and insults from grown-ass rich people? That village is a village with mostly villas, expensive ones. Beautiful view on the lake. I keep being amazed at how beautiful not only the place was, but the kind of view most people had from their windows, balconies, garden, and at the same time, how extremely nasty and ugly those people could be! Because of a breed of a dog, a domesticated, trained dog. Yes even if it’s trained, they think that one day it will lash out! Correction: one day I, will lash out. One of my fantasies is to go to that village and lash out with a few friends…. Maybe one day… When I lived there and I started to realize that they were all against me, I couldn’t do anything to anyone because I’d be in jail the next minute and all the villagers would invent a bunch of crimes that I didn’t commit to see me rot in jail! I made sure I always had my phone that took pictures, with me. I have a lot of pictures of these people, to remember, because without them, I would put their ugly faces in my lost-for-good memory zone.

Once I was walking the dogs on a path near the village. An older f*** walked by, I was talking to a friend on the phone. Usually people didn’t say hello to me ( funny thing was I said hello to everyone in the very beginning since it is a custom in small villages to do so), but this guy said hello in a loud voice as to say that even if I was on the phone, I should acknowledge him. I was on the phone so even though I heard him and I wondered why he said hello, I didn’t reply as I was in a conversation! The guy walked back towards me and said: “I said hello there!” in a nasty old Swiss tone. I made sure to call my dogs to walk in front of me to protect them, and also so Shadow wouldn’t bark at the guy because sometimes he would when people would raise their voice with anger. The bastard was yelling things like : “these foreigners who can’t even reply when one say hello to them!”. I quickly put Shiva on a leash as I didn’t know what he was going to do. I was talking to someone on the phone and I talked a bit louder saying that there was a prick attacking me. I am never afraid of these idiots. I am afraid of what they are going to make me do. Had he come closer and tried to grab my arm to get me to say hello, I would have hit him harder than he could with his old age ( not that old, but I was in really good shape and strong back then). Shadow would have barked, it would have caught the attention of the village and I would be in jail. I always try to stay away from these people so that they won’t get a chance to start something physical on me or my dogs, because the insults I have learned to take them and not react violently, but if someone touches me or my dogs, that’s it. So I stay away. I go out of my way to stay as far as possible from these Swiss people when I feel a weird vibe. The guy was coming towards me but I was walking faster. He then got tired of yelling and trying to catch up to us, and maybe he got scared of Shadow when he thought about it. I often passed by idiots who would insult us but wouldn’t try to hit or grab me when they got really upset after I would say something to them after their insults. Some days I could just walk by and not say anything, but others I couldn’t let an insult go, I had to reply with something, anything, either an insult or a comment, or a swear word, whatever, to release some of the stress they inflicted on me. Swiss people can’t just walk by someone on a path, in a village, in the forest, without either staring, saying something nasty, or nice if they know the person. Minding their own business only applies when there is murder or a man committing a crime. Then they get scared and start minding their own business. Some people are really scared of my dog, and actually give us some space, but those are rare. The majority of Swiss can see my dog is not aggressive, but they hate his look, his confident majestic look. The similarity with the pitbull is drastic to them. They don’t know dog breeds of the world that well, so anything that has the slightest resemblance to the pitbull is a pitbull to them. Another thing the Swiss can’t stand is that I often have Shiva on a leash and Shadow off leash, because Shadow listens well, and Shiva listens once out of twice. The Swiss can’t bare seeing my big dog off leash even if they see he is trained, they still don’t believe a woman can train a dog. So to them, I am putting them in danger by letting the big dog off leash. The Swiss hate it when I have the little one on a leash. It drives them buzurk. They also wish I would let Shiva off leash so that they could hurt him and pretend it was an accident.

There was another guy who would walk his dog a lot, and would test if Shadow was aggressive by walking right into him. I would of course pull my dog at the last minute because I knew Shadow would get hit by either that guy’s foot , leg or stick. I had trained Shadow to walk by my side and to change side when needed as well. So when I knew that guy would try to walk into him, I would tell Shadow to switch side. That fact made that guy think that maybe Shadow was so trained and well-behaved that he wouldn’t protect me. He thought he could be the town hero and beat me up. One day he was walking fast towards us. I felt like this time he was going for me. I am not sure what he was going to do, either just slap me, or hit me. I suddenly took a picture of him with my phone. He backed off. It was my best weapon at that point. It was in the village. He was scared that I could sent the photo before he could break the phone and that I could have something against him, as otherwise he would have the village on his side! They had the 1 cop of the village on their side, but I guess not necessarily the judge of the canton! So I kept on using my phone as a weapon. I had tons of pictures of all village morons which I could have used in court if anything happened to me.

In front of my building, pricks parked in my parking spot, for which I was paying. I went to the village police once in the beginning, and they funnily said that it wasn’t their job to do anything about that. Does it say “stupid” on my forehead? I had to then park where I could. My car funnily got scratched all over. What these people didn’t know was that I don’t care much about the outside perfect look of my car, as long as it runs. They soon figured it out and then made my car break down several times where I couldn’t start it and had to call the garage and pay to have it repaired. The garage said it was the stone martens around the area that could have done the damage to my car. These animals do go indeed under cars to create some damage, but when there are cats around, and there were many, they don’t come near. My car was important since the village is up on a mountain and the small train that goes there is slower than hikers.

Another thing that bothered me was that when I went for long walks in the mornings up in the forest behind the village, some punk would always follow me to see where I was going and if I was doing something illegal where they could catch me! The woodcutters who were working there had lots of fun threatening me with their chain saws! They would laugh and threaten me. They knew I would get upset and they loved it. They were also having lots of fun with the truck they used. They drove that truck as if they were racing in that forest! Once I didn’t hear them coming because there was a plane up in the sky at the same time, I had Shadow a bit far back and I didn’t have the time to call him nor run to him. I just prayed for a minute that he would walk to the side of the street. He did a bit but the truck drove by so close to him, I was, again, furious and wanted to shoot every single one of these punks! I did go to the administrative office of the village that day just in case these assholes were driving like that near other dogs and people ( fat chance). I told them what happened and they said I was paranoid, these guys were not driving fast…. Their attempt was to make me seem paranoid so that if I ever filed a complaint at the police station in the nearest big town, they would all say that they noticed that I was paranoid. Paranoid my ass! Being bullied by grown rich Swiss has really created a hatred of another kind in me. Oh sure I make sure I have enough distractions even aside from my dogs, so that I won’t focus on what I’d need to do to these people to get justice. You know psychology tells people to let the anger go, move on and look towards the future, when really that concept is just to protect the bastards of the world. I am not god, I don’t forgive people when they have really hurt me. Sure holding on to anger is not good for one’s health, but let’s draw the line between not having to forgive because contrary to popular belief, forgiving is not what is making you feel better and focusing on one’s life in order to be happy. If you want to forgive, hell yes, then it is good for you if that’s what you want to do. I don’t forgive the harsh stupid things done to my dogs, but there are things you can do to me that won’t get to me, or will get to me for a while but are not so important at the end of the day. Everyone has priorities, touchy or un-touchy subjects and actions. My first 2 dogs were a touchy subject, because of circumstances, living in that hell country , or just because I have got a lot of love for creatures who are good to me over the years. But I better get some really positive ( leaving the country forever) while I still have the 2 or at least one of the 2 dogs. After them if I am still stuck, I’ll be the most dangerous thing around Switzerhell. I can become very very Swiss if I don’t get out of there. Revenge is not my goal in life because I know that when good things happen to me, my spirit grows stronger and revenge takes its course without me having to lift a finger. It has happened in the past.

The luck these people have is that they’re all f****** with me, even if they don’t know each other. They are so many who have insulted me and the boys, and have made our life more difficult than it already is. Their luck is that they’re in number. Oh they’re not smart enough to get together to create some kind of conspiracy. Well I am not worth much for them to plan anything, except for Shadow and their wish to exterminate certain breeds. The Pit-bull-like breeds are a big annoyance to these people’s controlled life and environment. They hate THESE dogs because Swiss people think they can’t control them one hundred percent. In Switzerland there is no hurricane, earthquakes ( hardly), dangerous snakes, insects, dangerous wild animals. They take all that for granted. They think they’ve got their world under control. That is proof that when a group of humans have it too good for too long, they get lazy, stupid , vicious and unproductive. That would be one theory to explain their minds and spirits full of contempt. I like science and I try to explain, as one student of mine ( learning French) once told me: I see how you feel about the Swiss and it’s true, but can you explain why these people are so pathetic? It’s a lot of facts mixed together by circumstances that explain the Swiss, but in this world where most people try to do better things, it is unacceptable to have a society that brings the soul of humanity down, even if it’s a small country. And the fact that some Swiss do recycle and clean their streets, can’t make up for all the unnecessary crap these people do to others!

Dogs are a specie that was created for human companionship, and household help ( medical or physical). Dogs are treated badly, if you take all the dogs in the world. Dogs should be treated like they are on TV in the US. I know many people neglect their dogs in the US, even if much less than in Europe, and the rest of the world. Well in poor countries, dogs live on the streets. There are countries in Africa where people have dogs which stay outside the house at all times. These dogs know their place. They are not treated badly. People have them for protection, hunting, help for this and that, and it’s not so bad compared to dogs in Europe who people love one minute and hate the next, where people let the dogs eat first so the dog understands she or he is the pack leader and then when he bites someone she or he is beaten, abandoned or killed. Confusion is a real pain for dogs. Europeans can’t learn the simple rules that make canine behavior. At least Americans have laws against animal cruelty, laws that help dogs here and there. What did man create? All these breeds to satisfy man’s little desires for cute companionship, a living breathing stuffed animal for their kids or themselves. I am all for working dogs. A dog should have a purpose. If you don’t give her / him one, she/he will make one up and it may not be the one you wanted and you will get rid of the dog! Do you get rid of your child? No. Yes I know, some people do plus human and dog, one can’t compare… There are too many breeds, too many dogs. My opinion: Someone tell Europeans that dogs should be fixed! males and females! Europeans dogs are still not fixed for the most part! Europeans keep saying how they want their dog to experience having babies once or twice, or that if they get their dog fixed, it’s like cutting their own balls off! When it comes to killing them and abandoning them, they say that dogs are not as important as humans, but when it comes to sexuality, they all of a sudden think they’re of the same specie.

A while back, I was still trying to look for friendly people with dogs and making sure we could meet regularly so our dogs could play and spend time together. Shiva was always glad to see other dogs, big ones as well. Shadow would be a bit more picky to play with, but he would love the company of other dogs and people. I met this young woman in in the country side with 2 huge dogs. Her dogs would live between inside sometimes and their little fenced area outside. We walked the dogs together about 3 times. On the 3rd time, I had to tell her to stop telling her boys not to try to hump mine. They were all boys, they were all fixed and they were humping “nicely”. My Shadow had had male friends which would try to hump him and vice versa. I knew that if he liked the dog in the beginning, this was a game they would both try and the other would turn around and chase him and play, and that they wouldn’t try to do so often if they were allowed to do it. If you have a very dominant boy who humps aggressively, you can tell. Her boys were playing and acting exactly like mine, and I kept asking her if she stopped her dogs from doing it because she thought they were aggressive. She would say that males ” are not supposed ” to do that! I tried to explain that some dogs do it for fun as part of the game. I knew her dogs would not get aggressive all of a sudden, we had walked together twice and I could tell these dogs did it on each other to play when she wasn’t around. Basically her dogs were not supposed to have too much fun. Her dogs would show no fun behavior in her presence. These dogs were rescues and they weren’t really trained. These Swiss people have these ideas that they got from who knows what great canine trainer (….) or book. So then she never called me back because she said I was telling her what to do. Truth was I wasn’t telling her what to do, I just wanted the dogs to have fun. She knew she didn’t know a lot about dog training and felt insecure.

Shadow had another male friend in Paris of the same breed as him, named Shadow as well. The very first day I met them, the owner also screamed for her dog to come to her ( one of those people who keep on screaming and the dog never comes). I told her it was ok. I saw they were both fixed and they were acting alike. That dog was bigger than mine. He would provoke him more. She would say that her dog might not like it and rebel all of a sudden. It’s funny how Europeans don’t even know their own dogs. I could tell that dog was more laid back than mine and that they liked each other. The thing about certain dogs ( when you know them) is that when they like someone or a dog, there is no chance they will get aggressive for no reason ( even if food and toys are involved).

My big dog gave me more love than I even realized. I had gotten so picky with men or so quick to let them go ever since I had my 2 dogs. I had found a balance with these 2 very different dogs. I didn’t need to go look for men. I needed sex every once in a while of coure, but the companionship; I had with the dogs. Shadow of course scared a few guys off , who I thought I liked. He sort of chose the French guy I dated for a while. He liked him right away. This guy was the kind of guy who would never hurt me. Shadow could feel that. Unfortunately I didn’t really fall in love with the guy, but his company was always appreciated. He was the kind of guy who was fair, decent, not too smart but faithful, would take me out to restaurants on a regular basis. He wasn’t the one but I couldn’t complain. Shadow was right as always. He sometimes growled or barked at some guys I knew, and every time, whether I knew a guy wasn’t the most decent person or I found out later, Shadow was right. He had a superior dog soul and intuition. I hope his soul will always be with me, and if reincarnation exists, I hope we will meet again soon. Shiva is very spiritual and helps me with my pain and suffering in life. They both have a different mission.

After Shadow’s passing, I went to the dog shelter to see if I could walk a few dogs for me and Shiva to get to see other dogs. They gave me this tiny, underweight, weak dog with hair all over her face and eye dripping stuff keeping her eyes glued. It was a horrible sight. The worst part, the dog had been there at the shelter for a week or two. They had taken the dog and put her in a cage with other dogs, and she must have been stuck in a corner… She had poop all over her butt and even in the hair under her chin. This was a well-known big city shelter with money to have their building renewed the year before. I couldn’t believe the scum of these people! I could hardly believe that they would give me that dog for a walk. Of course I was just a woman and who was I to tell them that the dog was in sad condition! Shiva and I went for a small walk ( I was afraid to walk too much, she was so weak and skinny, probably sick). I cried the whole week-end after that. I was still messed up over my Shadow’s death and that poor little thing, abandoned, ( I thought my Shiva was small, she was like a feather) suffering at that shelter. It was the SPA, equivalent to the ASPCA. They told me they had a lot of work at the shelter: They had to kill a lot of breeds ( the 13 breeds that people don’t want in the country: there are new laws, they get rid of them). I am grossed out by Switzerhell every single day. The lady at the shelter was telling me that with all THESE dogs, and the fact that most of them couldn’t be put in parcs or cages with other dogs. So the dogs would take up too much space and they had to put many of them down. The country kills a GREAT amount of dogs, whether it is through their hatred like they killed mine and many others that I don’t know about, or they kill them when they get to shelters, or people have the shelter put them down as soon as the dog growls or has some kind of disease they say they can’t afford treating…. North America has to know what’s going on in Switzerhell because I know many people from North America help dogs outside their country, but like everything else in Switzerland, it’s hidden behind the great Swiss image! It’s got to stop! I think France, which has a lot of dog shelters and is taking a lot of big dogs in now, is just starting to find out about what goes on in Switzerhell. The few French who love dogs, really do. I have heard of the amount of dogs that French shelters near the Swiss border have taken in , to save them from death. But French shelters have less money than the Swiss and their shelters are overcrowded, but at least most of them do their best to help cats and dogs!

　

My Shadow taught me a lot. He taught me more than I thought before his death, and that’s another sad fact: Often when someone dies, the other ones who stay realize things that they hadn’t thought of before. Is that good psychology or human stupidity?? Well my dogs taught me so much. They taught me about the people of the country I was born in, Switzerland. I can’t call them “my people”, because I don’t feel that at all, on any level. He taught me the true disgusting nature of their minds and souls, which without my Shadow, nor my Shiva, I would have never figured out. I would, like many people from various countries say that “people are people”, which doesn’t mean much but explains a bit of the nastiness of humans.

Well, Shadow also taught me to trust my dogs more. I pushed him all his life. He had to obey, listen all the time. He had to be my little soldier. I was harsh when he didn’t listen. I never really listened to him, except with people, he would tell me what kind of vibe they would give off, by loving them or barking at them. Aside from that, I didn’t listen to him enough. I was very present in his life , but I pushed him too hard. When Shiva was older, I listened. I listened because Shadow had taught me to. I had found this inner happiness with my 2 dogs. I had found this tightness. Even if life didn’t turn out right, despite also the poverty and being stuck in Switzerhell, I was ok because of the presence of my dogs. I still feel that with Shiva, but half of it is missing. I had that inner happiness, where life could just be. We could be in our cabin, alone, the three of us for days, and I was happy. I guess that’s what you call family, when it’s good, when things feel ok. And the great thing with dogs is that if they love you, things are good. Things are uncomplicated. That’s why I like the presence of dogs too. When things are not good in life, then you need distractions. Well, I am calling for a huge distraction right now because otherwise life will turn grey.

My big dog was so beautiful and large, he did of course attract attention. Since the Swiss don’t like the breed because of ignorance and dullness, my dog did not only attract comments and insults against him ( by the same token against me), he also attracted the cops’ attention. Men with dogs of the 13 breeds don’t attract the cops as much, for cops to always go and bug them for no reason but a woman alone, easy target, plus they’re not afraid and it amuses them. Yes cops are afraid in Switzerhell ( just like in France if you have heard of the French ghetto problems). In Geneva, or other cities, there are drug dealers who always hang out in groups. There could be one or two pitbulls in the pack, the cops won’t bother the dudes. The drug dealers they leave them alone because supposedly there is no room in jail, and why would they risk their life talking to those men for a dog? Cops know these drug dealers have knives and know that their dogs are not trained to be man’s best friend. But they let them walk around the city without a muzzle and often without a leash. I have seen with my own eyes, twice, a police car driving by, slowly, two or three guys, one of them with a pitbull off leash in the middle of the city. The police car drove on, slowly… I went to Geneva a few times. I put the muzzle on my dog, every time except once, in a neighborhood where the streets were empty. I had just taken the dogs out of the car to pee before putting them back in the car so I could go to a Capoeira class. The cops were there ina heart beat. I don’t know if someone called them or if they were just hanging around. They stopped by me, I then put the muzzle on to show them I was of good faith. They got out of the car, which proves they were not afraid of the dog. My dog never looked vicious. His eyes were always deeply gentle. The cops asked me for the papers of the dog and mine. I said there were in the car which was a few blocks away. They followed me there and wrote a report. I asked them how much the fine would be. They said they didn’t know, which was a lie. They also said that in the state of Vaud ( the state we lived in, which wasn’t a state where any breed had to wear a muzzle), my dog was required by law to wear a muzzle at all times. That was a big lie. 3 possible reasons why they said that: 1) They don’t know laws of the state that is less than 10 miles away from Geneva which would prove great ignorance and ridiculous police work 2) They wanted me to get upset and tell them they were wrong for which they could have arrested me 3) They wanted me to believe them and to spread the word so that even if there is no law, dogs of the 13 breeds would maybe wear muzzles all over the country because of these 2 smart cops…. It turned out I got a 130.-francs fine through the mail and the cops didn’t just write a ticket, they wrote it down as a criminal act. I found out that cops can decided what they write, whether it is just a ticket, or write it as a felony. After all the cops s*** I have been through as a child and when I had Shiva and he was attacked by 2 police dogs in my hometown and I had been told to shut up and to go home with my small dog with a messed up knee. I can’t tell you the hatred I feel towards Swiss cops. If this was an open corrupted country and stories with people suffering from cops’ unfairness would be told all the time and would be all over the news, I wouldn’t mind, but the news would never show a cop doing anything wrong unless they couldn’t help it, like once a year or something. Last year the media talked about a story where cops had been a bit too violent while arresting an older Swiss man. Again, in the United States, where I am a not a citizen, I have had to deal with cops here and there, just like everyone, and never did I have the feeling that they could do whatever they wanted or that they used their power to mess with me , just because they could or would for that matter. In the US, people talk about ghetto stories with guys messing with others JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN. And that’s a ghetto or childish behavior and the country has laws which one can use to fight. That’s what I love about North America. Switzerhell, like many other countries unfortunately, is a country where, depending on who you are, you can’t fight back at all.

Dogs definitely can’t fight back either. In some cantons like Geneva, if they so much as growl for too long, the cops shoot them. They have the right and they are being encouraged to shoot aggressive dogs, anywhere any place, in your house, in your backyard if they feel like it. I must say pitbulls and the other breeds the Swiss hate, are not happy in Switzerland. You can love them all you want in your house, they know that when they go outside they feel the hatred coming from people’s vibes, looks and comments. Dogs feel things more than us, so imagine how hard they must feel that hatred! I know, my dog has shown his pain and no matter how much I hate these Swiss people for the way they treat and feel about those breeds already, I can’t hate them enough to make them feel the hatred like the dogs feel it. I must say I am thrilled when I see happy pitbulls in the US. I have seen some real happy ones ( I know some are also mistreated but it is a minority) in a few cities. When they are happy, they are also very friendly. I have yet to see one dog of those “breeds” in Switzerhell, that is happy. In other larger countries, some families with big private land around their home, have it in them to make their dog(s) happy. I am saying families, so that the dog has many humans he can trust, and be loved by. And a big piece of private land where the dog won’t have to come in contact with nasty people ( or nasty dogs ) on an every day basis. But when I see happy pitbulls in the US walking around town, and other people either not seeing them ( meaning letting them be) or giving them looks of love, interest or admiration, makes me happy that a country like that exists. Yes I am silly to say that I am happy that the US is what it is just because there is a certain amount of happy pitbulls, but having lived in a crappy country like Switzerhell with my son , where people hated him and made our life miserable, I am entitled to say that!

When I am in the US, Americans often tell me how happy dogs must be in Europe because they have heard that you can take your dog everywhere. Well in France and Switzerhell I’m not sure about other European countries) , you can take your dog to most restaurants ( except for the four, five star restaurants). You can take your dog to some stores, no grocery store nor supermarket. Really when you think of it, who wants to take a dog to a restaurant where the floors are filthy, sticky and full of bacteria. I don’t know how often restaurants are cleaned in the US, but in Europe, except for five star restaurants, the places are barely mopped once a day ( mostly with a dirty mop), or swept. Every time I brought my dogs to a restaurants I had to brush or wash their bellies and their paws. With my dog, I often had dirty looks even if restaurant owners never dared say anything since I always go to the restaurant with at least one other person, often a man. So for your dog to lie down in the filthy restaurant floor, stuck between a chair and a wall, I am not sure your dog is really happier than in a country where dogs are only allowed on outside terraces, which is always cleaner, at least you know the rain came by a few times or the sun dried out the place which is always cleaner than a humid warm floor. And as far as stores go, why would you want to take your dog to a clothing store or a pharmacy, where you have to concentrate on something else but your dog, and the dog gets pulled around, smashed by someone and their bag because either they don’t care or they don’t like dogs so they put their bag in the dog’s face. I have had it so many times with my dog, and have seen it on other dogs. If you complain, people say that you shouldn’t take your dog there then. So yes the law says you can bring your dog to more public places than in the US, but most people don’t like to see dogs in these places and often complain, hurt them by “accident” or throw out some ridiculous nasty comments. At least in the US, they try to let dogs have positive experiences only, which is how it should be, even if, in a perfect world, we should have more people love and respect dogs for all the good they bring to our lives, and allow them in public establishments.

Another thing that is very different as a dog owner in the US and in Switzerhell: In the US people know that dogs are social animals and that they need to interact, play, smell each other and do whatever dogs do together. In Switzerhell, people either don’t let their dog go to other dogs or pull them away after two seconds. Before I had Shadow, Shiva was bitten twice in that ski resort and once in my hometown by the cop dogs. And I mean bitten not just roughed around or put back in his place. With Shadow, I remember people always taking their dogs away from mine. After Shadow, I am surprised ( I had forgotten how it was before my big boy) to see that it’s almost always the same thing. I always let Shiva go to other dogs because I know he needs it and wants it , but people will let their dog “say hello” for half a second and then pull their dog away. And it’s not just when they’re in a hurry, I have seen many walking slow or even sitting down, and pulling their dog after having said: ” ok you’ve said hello, that’s enough”. Basically these people don’t see why their dog should want to keep smelling or playing. Well playing is an activity that is so unknown to these people that they won’t let their dogs do it. They will let their dog smell the other for a second and that’s it. Because that’s how it’s always been in Switzerhell and change is unnecessary when they know everything already… Could something else be good for dogs, other than how they’ve been treated for centuries? No, absolutely not. Reading about dog behavior? Absolutely not. In Switzerhell only big dog owners who are forced to take dog training lessons by the law, learn a thing or two about dog behavior. Dog trainers have a very old-school training, not to say cruel and based on negativity, on reprimanding and punishing. It’s just amazing that these people with money and internet all over the place can’t get their heads to learn a bit about things and creatures around them! It’s just like racism: Some old men will still tell you that black people have violent genes. They don’t think they are racists, if you ask them, they just think they know everything!

They also know that they don’t want to get their dogs fixed, especially males. Well, since people don’t let their dogs socialize, you can imagine how it is when 2 dogs meet nose to nose: “Who ‘s the boss around here? Me or you? “. They’re just being dogs, who have never learned that being buddies with other dogs is better than trying to prove who is the strongest. Of course they’re going to “attack” ( because most of them are not trained to attack, they just want to show they’re stronger than the other) . Even if by the way, there is no reward for denunciating dog fights in Switzerhell. I have seen ads in the US in different cities, where they give cash reward to people who will report dog fighting. It’s great. In Europe the assholes just find empty hidden lots and dog fights go on and on, all over the continent, East and West. People won’t report them, they are too scared of the men who handle these dogs. Cops hardly ever catch them. It’s like cops at the border in Switzerhell, if they weren’t so lazy and would check vans and trucks, especially when there aren’t a lot of cars driving through, they could catch all the bastards who went shopping in Eastern Europe for 50 or a 100 puppies at puppy mills. These cops don’t do their jobs at all. Except for yelling at a woman like me for having bought one too many liter of milk in France, and threatening to fine me for it, they don’t like coming outside of their booth. Unless they have orders to find someone or something specific, they don’t search cars, much less vans or trucks. Sometimes there is no one at customs. But at least when those assholes are paid, they could stop and search a few trucks! Switzerhell is a small country. It would be so easy not to let any puppy mills importer come through the border. They hardly care about drugs, imagine how they feel about puppies. The guys who work at customs, like regular cops, don’t care about anything. They chose the job because it pays well, they can wear a badge and a gun, and have authority. If at least, they had a reward system where cops would be rewarded financially if they did some good work, it might help motivate them do their job properly. In Switzerhell, no one cares about anything but their salaries at the end of the month. There is no passion, interest, motivation for anything good in this life. It is a pathetic filthy country.

My Shiva was attacked once too many times before I had Shadow. Dogs are pack animals and more importantly they are social animals, in need to be around other beings, so I would always let Shiva go up to other dogs. With Shiva alone again, getting older, I am so very careful with other dogs. He is also more careful. I have seen him, he gives a neutral vibe ( has nothing to do with this “neutral” land), because he knows his brother is not around any more to protect or defend him. He knows I am not as good or as quick as his brother was. So with him now, I let him go to other dogs for his happiness, but if anything happened to him now, I would strike the enemy. The enemy is never the other dog but its owner. Sure I’d kick the dog off mine if he is attacking but that’s it, I won’t be thirsty for revenge towards that poor dog. Beside the fact that Swiss owners pull their dogs away after 3 seconds of ” saying hello”, which helps to keep Shiva safe, it’s amazing to see the difference between the Swiss dogs when they meet and immediately take that proud position ( also more than half of the females do it) to show who is king or queen), as opposed to dogs in US cities that associate meeting other dogs with fun and games. Then you have a few young people like I was, when I had Shadow, who have Pit-bull-like breeds and we do everything to socialize our dogs, make efforts. It works with other animals, like cows, horses, etc, but when our “ready to be perfect” dog meets another Swiss dog and she or he smells that “I gotta dominate” vibe all the time, how do you want our dogs to be loving and not respond to that, ever? Shadow used to bark, or stay still and stiff, waiting to see if the other dared make a move on him. And when they did, he replied. But I can tell you, he never started it. He so wanted things to go well, like me. He so wanted life to be good. I can’t tell you how I wish I could turn back time and work my ass off to go live in the US with my 2 dogs, work on a farm, be an aupair in the country side, or anything. I played my cards wrong. I did the best I could, but I could have done better. I am learning about a lot of things on my own. Having been born in Switzerhell, my parents taught me the basics like how to talk, stay clean, etc. But the rest I had to learn alone. I never had a grown-up I could look up to or learn from really. I have traveled, moved around a lot, lived in the US where I learned all the positive stuff for my life. My 2 dogs taught me about love. I am still learning to make better decisions, getting rid of the Swiss filth that self-destroys a free spirit like me. I still have deep issues that I have to let go of. I am working on that. As a Swiss, dogs can teach you more than anyone around. Of course I am not talking about skills for a career or trigonometry. When you have a country where humans refuse to evolve, and dogs are the better beings around, it’s scary. The only Swiss I have met who are not messed up and vicious people are the ones who have connected with their dog. Few really connect because there, again, one needs to be a bit sensitive to connect with an animal. And the Swiss have their sensitivity in their wallet only.

The Swiss not wanting to learn about dog behaviors makes them look really stupid when compared to Americans, and even the French who live right next door. The French have a few dog trainers who know what they are talking about. Even if the French are not always very happy positive people, like the Swiss, the French have understood that dog training can be beneficial for not only their dog’s life but their own. The Swiss haven’t gotten that part yet. And that’s just the beginning. Starting with the Swiss yelling at their dogs ( for those of you who have lived in Switzerhell and who now know that the Swiss can be loud despite their discreet demeanor), repeating themselves like parrots. Not to say that parrots are stupid. The birds are just showing humans they can say the same stupid words as them. They probably make fun of humans, the two-legged proud and dirty beings who can’t even fly… Anyway, to get back to the worst 2 legged representatives, the Swiss: Their dogs are in their yards, start barking at someone passing by. The owner starts yelling at the dog, and yelling harder, and yelling louder. The only real noise disturbance out there are the people yelling. But you have got to forgive them, the poor Swiss: That’s the only time they get to yell and think they are doing the right thing. It’s in the culture to show their neighbors and everyone else that they are doing something to make their dogs stop barking, because they know that people in Switzerhell hate barking dogs and music. All other noise like people screaming viciously to punish or reprimand animals, construction work, army planes, neighbors doing house cleaning late at night or early morning, …. all that kind of noise is acceptable and beloved by the very very logical Swiss tribe.

You can live in a town and have the same dog barking everyday and the same owner yelling the same way at the dog everyday for 10 years. Change is a bad thing… Well dogs think so too. Even if dogs adapt a lot easier to new situations than the Swiss, dogs like consistency. They love to have their owner encourage their barking every time they want to bark. These people encourage the barking by yelling like the dog, as in cheering. Of course Swiss dog trainers will tell you yelling at dogs is not enough, you need to hit them, and they will stop barking. That’s how smart dog training is in Switzerhell.

The Swiss have many huskies and think they are mushers. These dogs only get to live in the winter time. But what kind of life is that? These dogs are being yelled at, and beaten. My chalet is on the side of a dog sled circuit in the winter time, so I got to see and hear many of them passing by for several winters. The Swiss don’t know how to train dogs, so I would hear the idiot Swiss people yell at these dogs, repeat themselves and getting frustrated, sometimes stopping to hit a dog. Once one guy got really upset, the dogs wouldn’t listen, he stopped to beat a few of them. I couldn’t believe it. Another time, the dogs got tangled around a pole. I don’t know how the human leader go to have these dogs tangled around a pole when the track was right beside the pole. In any case, the 2 people on the sled started yelling. The dogs were screaming. There were about 8 dogs. One of the dogs was being strangled by the cord that had been twisted and tangled in a wrong way. The 2 idiots didn’t notice. I was about to go to help that poor dog, when finally the stupid owner realized that one of his dogs was in real danger! It was unbelievable. What is more unbelievable is that these poor huskies are kept in small pens in the summer and don’t get to go outside. The owner will walk one of the leading dogs, here and there, but my 2 dogs were in better shape than these poor huskies that lived in that village, stuck in a small area, and not getting daily walks. I know in other countries, some mushers treat their dogs with love and respect, get them exercice in the summer time as well. In Switzerhell I have yet to see someone who treats their huskies right. I met a woman who had called the SPA ( ASPCA) in Switzerhell, about the huskies that lived next to her house and that were living in filth, never cleaned, pee and poop all around their den. The dogs were never walked, etc. She told the SPA all that, and thought that at least they would come and check it out. They told her that they knew that it wasn’t easy to keep these dogs in the summer and wouldn’t bother the owner. Yes it was a man…

I spoke to a lady who got a dog at the SPA and who thought that it was such a good organization because they came to her house after the adoption, which they admitted not doing all the time. She was a single woman after all, they had to check her house. Bugging single women must be in the Swiss heritage guide book. So they came to her house to check the dog was ok. This woman thought it was actually good to do that. It didn’t bother her. So she thinks they really take good care of animals(…) Does she volunteer or give money to these organizations? No. Does she know about other stories with the SPA ( société protectrice des animaux)? no. I told her about the huskies and the fact that a few people like me had called the SPA to ask them to check on these dogs kept in such small places the whole summer. The SPA didn’t go to check and didn’t do anything for these huskies. The SPA kills dogs , especially the hated breeds, everyday. There are never many dogs at any of the SPA. They keep the best ones, and the “decent” breeds. Like I witnessed, they don’t even take good care of the small dogs. Like I had written about the small female dog who was super skinny, had hair all over her face with nods and eye liquid glued to her eyes. Dog shelters like this shouldn’t even exist. I could imagine how they would exist in countries like Rumania, Bulgaria, Croatia, Kosovo, or poorer countries like the developing world. But we are talking about a country where bums don’t exist. Beggars are few and have chosen to do this “job”. I am part of the poorer population in Switzerhell and I can still eat well, pay my bills and sleep in my own apartment. I have no savings and that makes me really poor. Switzerhell is one of the richest countries in the world. The SPA’s have money to build decent buildings for humans to hang out while waiting when abandoning their dogs. They even build real nice parking areas, nice fences. But funny enough they don’t think “not killing dogs” could be a priority! Rehabilitation doesn’t exist. If a dog has the wrong look or a slight behavior problem, they kill the dog. They think no one would adopt the dog anyway… How do you want these kind of people to stop puppy mills or do anything to help the canine world?

The law in the Geneva canton about the 13 breeds is that they have to wear muzzles and are forbidden to reproduce. That’s the extra smart part… That law also includes a few goodies for people who hate the breeds and for cops to have more power: if a dog of those breeds barks at someone or growls, people should ( and they do) call the cops right away. People who hate the dogs love that. So whenever you have a dog that barks, even for fun, to play, someone can call the cops on them and have the police come there and shoot the dog. I have seen dudes with their pitbulls run away, after their dog barely barked at someone passing by. They ran because they know if there were enough people around, there probably would have been one or two who will have called the cops, if not the ones watching from their windows. Well this morning, I was walking Shiva in a small forest in Lausanne. I was still a bit sick from the flu I was getting over, so I sat down. Shiva likes it when I sit down. He has time to smell all the smells around and take his time. All his life I have always walked fast wanting to get somewhere on time or give his big brother a long walk. But now I give him these grandma walks a lot. So there I was sitting and worrying about nothing since Shiva rarely gets in trouble anymore, even with any of these unsocialized Swiss dogs. He gives a very low vibe because either he knows his brother is not around anymore to save him or he is just getting old and can’t play tough or hump anymore. All of a sudden, this labrador runs to me with a vicious bark and his hair all sticking out on his back. I recognized the bark, not a playful bark! So I get up because he kept approaching while barking hard. I may have reminded him of something or someone he didn’t like, so by getting up, if not to protect myself , but to change my shape so he would realize that I was not what or who he thought, in the first place. But then his owner came and he barked even harder. I asked the man if he didn’t think his dog was a bit close to me to be barking with this intensity and ferociousness. He said that he must have started barking at me because I provoked him! I was going to say: ” you have got to be kidding me!” but I then thought these people not only don’t have a sense of humour but are very very stupid! This was an old man again…. with a lab. Then he kept on yelling that I was the weird one and had to get checked! These Swiss people are so mentally disturbed that they can’t have a normal conversation, they right away insult you! It’s not even funny when you live there trust me! There were people around there who saw that dog barking at me in an aggressive way. No one reacted. It was a man, with a lab. Had it been one of the 13 breeds, with a woman…. the phone would have been ringing at the police station!

Most dogs, even those who belong to Swiss, are smarter, quicker thinker than the entire Swiss population. I swear if I had given Shadow arms and legs, hands and feet, and a voice to speak, he would have proven his intelligence. We always say that dogs are not as smart as humans, but try to raise a child who can’t hold a pen in his hand, who can’t physically put on clothes and who doesn’t have the vocal ability to produce syllables in order to be understood. Your child might be very bright, but without certain physical abilities, he won’t be able to function productively, and use his intelligence like you and me. In any case, even with their 4 not so flexible legs and paws, and their 2 pitch barking, most dogs are smarter than Swiss people.

I will never forgive the Swiss for killing my Shadow and for the heartache that they put us through because of his breed, the years that he had, that we had together, on this planet. My Shadow was the second love of my life ( first was Shiva), and when he was there, I was a better person. I was strong, had principles, had dreams for us, believed in a better world. Now that Shadow is gone, I only have a soul, Shiva to keep me going, to give me love and joy. When Shadow was there, I stopped eating beef, lamb and veal. I only ate chicken and turkey. When Shadow was there, I didn’t believe in writing this book. I only dreamt of winning millions to go to a better place, forget about Switzerhell, and give my dogs and me a better life. My Shiva means so much to me. But I have lost hope for humanity. The world is messed and who am I to try to make a better world. I was born Swiss. All I need to do is excoriate Switzerhell. My life wasn’t great before Shadow, I was moving around, trying to learn, discover, find myself. I had my first love Shiva, my jewel with me, took him everywhere, from the gutter of Switzerland, to Harlem New York to Manhattan. He saw it all. When Shadow was there, I eased up on the searching. I had found a joy in me with these 2 dogs in my life. Everybody around in this f***** Switzerhell was making my life difficult because of my dog and also because of the fact that having 2 so very different dogs was bugging them, confusing them. Shadow did drive me a little nuts when he was a puppy, destroying things and not listening to me, but after puppy-hood, I so had my niche with these 2 dogs. Swiss people also hate it when one is happy, and when they would see how happy I was with my dogs, they would mess with us more. But despite all their crap, I was happier than I had ever been. I wanted more, I wanted to win lots of money to buy my boys a house, a home from which we wouldn’t have to move anymore, and it would have to be in the US. It would have worked out well because I ‘ve always liked the place. But my dream never came true. Nowadays, I cherish Shiva because he is the only great thing that life is showing me.

In Switzerhell, dogs are treated like cattle. Cattle, to them is a tool to get money, that’s all. Dogs are tools to keep them company , protected and to entertain them. The life of the animals has no importance, no sense, no meaning to these bestial people. Animals don’t think about the well-being of other animals. Neither do the Swiss about other people, or animals of the world. Their own dog might bring them joy. It might get a few awkward smiles out of them. Dogs not only have a great sense of humour, but they are so full of true life, good energy, that the Swiss love the fact that they have power over them, to treat them like s*** every chance they get, to show them that they’re in power and that life is not all fun and games. The Swiss break dogs’ spirits at a level to which I want to scream and cry. The few who actually develop some kind of feeling for their dog are the lonely ones who need to use their dog as a substitute for love. It is sad. They choke their dog in the physical sense by not letting the dog do anything fun, nor getting long walks, and in the emotional sense, by making the dog feel he has responsibility over the owner’s emotional balance. Some could say that Shiva is my emotional balance, because I have only him in my life. Well, I may be guilty, but I do respect him as a dog and I at least make sure he gets his daily dose of dog sniffing, walks in the parcs and I try to tell him that he is a good boy for just being there and happy and not for coming to me when I am crying or upset. I know as a single woman who tries to stay away from most people in Switzerhell, I could be seen as someone who love her dogs as a substitute. I have a thing for dogs, for their 4 legged furry look and for their great personalities and sense of humour, love for life, and who can be helpful and obedient. I love their presence, ever so mild yet comforting. They are trainable but keep their own spirit. I love to see that in a dog, a good working dog with her or his very own personality. I may have pushed my Shadow when I wanted him to be perfect so I would have less Swiss assholes coming to mess with us. Shadow is the first being that I loved and lost and who I hope to stay connected to for eternity. He makes me want to believe in life after death, in reconnecting with our loved ones when we die. I do want to see him again.

The Swiss keep telling their dogs “no , don’t do this don’t do that” all day long. Most of them beat them, hit them and punish them very often. Never did I hear ” good boy, good job, good dog” from any Swiss, and I have walked around many towns and country sides in that country. They break their dogs’ joy for life, they take the love away from these wonderful domesticated animals. Not only in Switzerhell but all over Europe, I have seen dogs on small balconies, alone, barking or wanting to bark ( you can hear the frustrated barks when the dog knows that if he barks too much, he will get hit anytime). In the summer time, it is one thing to put your dog outside on the balcony to get some sun, but in the winter? That is one thing I have never understood. I have seen it in Switzerhell, in France and in Germany: Dogs are kept on balconies for half of the day, sometimes the whole day. It hurts me to even try to find an explanation. I could say it’s because the idiot people are afraid that the dog will destroy their furniture, clothes, etc. That would make sense…. Not! F***** idiots! You don’t keep a dog on a balcony with the door closed for more than an hour! And not in the winter at all! Most of the dog beating happens inside without anyone seeing. Outside, Swiss people hit their dogs but just to show they are punishing their dogs, which they know society wants to see. I actually don’t know how they deal with neighbors who complain about the dog barking. Well it is never a woman alone who gets away with dog barks on a balcony. Men say they are punishing the animal for having done something bad. That always works. People like to hear that a man has a hold on his dog, and they feel reassured when they know the man punishes his dog when needed, even if it’s outside, in public. We all know that animal rights are nothing, non existant in Switzerhell, and in Europe in general. A few French animal lovers try to scream and shout but no one listens , nor care. I know a few French foundations who are working hard to, in the end get little done, because they have to push and shove for so long before getting something. The Brigitte Bardot Foundation, I have heard is doing a lot for animals of all kinds. There is nothing close to it, in Switzer-I-don’t-give-a-f***-hell.

　

　

　

My experience to try to adopt a dog from a shelter has been:

When I had Shiva, I wanted a second dog. I used to go to a shelter ( ASPCA equivalence) to walk a few dogs in the afternoon. I chose a shelter that would let me do that with my dog. All the other shelters won’t let people volunteer to take any dog for a walk , if people come in with their dog. So after walking many dogs for many weeks, I finally met a dog I wanted to adopt. He was a 7months Newfoundland. He was a big dog, but playful and careful with Shiva. I lived in an apartment with a balcony, and was working only part-time. So I told the shelter that I was into hiking and running, and was going for long walks even then with Shiva. The shelter didn’t want to hear me out, they just said this dog had to be adopted by a family with a garden, end of story. They preferred someone with a garden who let their dog walk around the house by himself a few times a day than someone who would actually spend time with the dog, giving him real exercice. The shelter didn’t care that the dog stayed another five months in a cage before getting adopted, because that’s what happened.

Second experience was when I lost Shadow. A few months later I went to another shelter and saw a small dog of the same breed as Shiva. Shiva is a male and that was a female. She had just arrived. The shelter hadn’t even cut the hair that was glued to her eyes because of the dirt she had all over her hair. The dog was skinny as a skeleton. She was placed in a cage with other dogs who of course wouldn’t let her eat. Plus she wouldn’t see much so she would have had to smell her way to the bowl to eat and drink. All the other dogs had finished her bowl by then. The shelter let me walk her, but said they didn’t want people with a dog already, to adopt one of their dogs. They said that people who have one dog take better care of their dog. That little dog would have done great with Shiva. They would have kept each other company, and I wouldn’t have loved her any less because I had another dog already…

A few months later, I looked at the dogs for adoption on the web, at different shelters, and found a 7 year old beautiful dog, same breed as Shadow was. I called to ask if I could come and see him and told them I have a small dog. They automatically said that it wasn’t possible for that dog to get along with other males, small or big. I asked them if they had seen him with many other males, they said no but just seeing him with one other male was enough for them to tell…I tried to explain to them that I knew the breed well, and asked them if I could maybe come to see him and get an idea if I could make it work, or even try to introduce him to Shiva. They didn’t want to hear anything. Knowing that that dog was going to be killed by the shelter if he stayed there too long, or that he might get shot by the police if taken by someone who doesn’t know how to handle the dog, it made me sad to hang up the phone, as I also knew that talking and trying to persuade these Swiss people is like talking to a wall, since they think they know everything already.

Dog shelters exist in Switzerhell just so that the country can say that they exist. The little pocket money that is spent on dogs in that country ( well shelters only live on money given to them by people individually: No company, no institution, nor any department of the government gives a dime) is so meager compared to the wealth of the country, while dogs help these mentally disturbed Swiss ( like anybody else) live and be happy in this world, not to mention the dogs who literally save lives. It is sad.

The amount of hatred the Swiss have for the 13 breeds that they have designated, is proudly shown and the majority of people gang up on the desire to exterminate those breeds. Why? Because a few idiots have made mistakes educating their dogs. The thing that saddens me is when I hear these grown Swiss dog haters talk about their interest and love for alligators, sharks, lions and other animals who could tear their children to pieces. They will go on trips to see these wild animals, some will study the behavior of these animals, they will have posters of them in their homes. Dogs are domesticated animals, easy to train and educate. These Swiss people cannot see the danger in the kind of people who get a dog with a powerful jaw. The kind of people who get powerful dogs and don’t make the effort to have a balanced dog, are going to be the people who can be aggressive in all kinds of ways, with all kinds of weapons. Punish people, build more jails! It is not the dog, it is the person who owns and spends the most time with the dog. Dogs are all over the country. Who will save these dogs? When will the massacre stop? When will be the rich stupidity end?

I am Swiss.HELP! ( chapter 6)

In a village, in the US, I have seen people bring a pie or some cookies to new neighbors when they move in an apartment, or when they buy a house. Neighbors will bring welcoming cakes, roasted chicken or just a batch of cupcakes, but in Switzerhell, they expect the new comer to bring a gift to all the neighbors in order to ease their anger and frustration of seeing someone new move in their area. If you don’t do that, your closest neighbor might say hello if you’re really lucky, and then will automatically tell you what you have to do or not to do in the neighborhood, or as far as cutting trees , or how to decorate your lawn, or about the zoning laws which no one respects but you should since you’re the new guy. There is a saying in Switzerhell that when you move to a new place, you should bring a bottle of wine or chocolates to your neighbors so they won’t bother you. The first time I bought my chalet, the old woman next door greeted me by telling me to cut the roof of a small shed that was 2 cm in their property , only to find out later that these people had been living there and owning the big family chalet since the middle ages and the shed next door had never bothered them. The family doesn’t have a fence around their property, but they told me that roof is bothering them. It’s funny how the little part of the roof hadn’t bothered them for years before. It’s only when they saw a single woman living next door that they decided that the roof bothered them and they had the guts to demand that it be cut off. I guess they felt extra comfortable pushing it as far as they could because no man was ever visiting me during the first few months. Of course I could have said no and not hire a guy to cut that part of the roof off, but I knew that if I didn’t, the woman next door who always had either her daughter and son in law, or another man of the family there with her, they would mess with me. By cutting that roof, I bought myself two and a half years of semi-peace, not counting the fact that these neighbors would walk by my fence and stare throughout my yard and at what they could see of the inside of the chalet, every time they went for a walk. Their car and entrance was on the other side, but they liked to show they were in power because in number! When these people see a man, they act all nice and say that there is no problem. I am sure that they wouldn’t have dared to ask for that roof to be cut off, for that centimeter that stretched on their side if I had been a man. They had a big fat hedge that showed the separation of the 2 properties. I later built a fence. I wasn’t going to cut that roof, but since my mother was also the owner of the chalet and she didn’t want any problems, she hired a guy to cut a part of the roof. That’s how it is with women in Switzerhell. I have seen how my mother acts. My mother always has to compromise, be the one who is nice or giving and offering more than the families, couples or men who live nearby. She has to do all kinds of nice things to survive, to have people off her back. She is more generous with strangers than with her own family, but that’s probably because she has to. And that’s because she has to, because otherwise people will be on her case.

The outrage of the fact that these people next to my chalet asked me to cut the roof was that they had 2 huge pine trees that were and still are on my property. The trunks are in theirs, but half of the pines fall in mine. And no, I don’t need the shade from their tall trees! These people are filthy, and how they try to f*** with you and are so sure nothing is going to happen to them!!! Amazing! Amazing how the government has been spreading fear for centuries, fear of the authorities, fear of foreigners, etc. And the strongest ones in society, which are men or families with men look for s*** as much as they can, legal or illegal s***, just messing with people’s lives, and are so used to having their little precious lives intact, nobody messes with them, because fear is all around. And they definitely think a woman is afraid. The codes in society are funny to me: Everyone is afraid of men, and no one is afraid of women. Women are not afraid of women. Old women are not afraid of any woman. The Swiss are not known to be violent in your face. They don’t know how to physically fight and are so used to people backstabbing them , that many old women insult younger women and have gotten away with it for years since they couldn’t imagine anyone doing anything right then and there. It comes from the old adage ” respect the old”. Everyone feels sorry for the old, no one dares touch them. The problem is the old used to be wise. I never heard an old lady insult any one in public when I was little. Now I hear it all the time in Switzerhell. And the old women who do it are not “white trash” or poor unschooled people. Maybe their parents didn’t educate them, but they are rich. It’s funny ( or not) when you see little old ladies wearing Gucci shoes and bags, insult younger people, while making no sense at all. Older people could reprimand younger ones if there was something the young ones would have done. But it’s ridiculous and according to me dangerous for them, when you see an old lady insult a young boy for standing in line quietly at the post office with his skate board in his hand. The old lady estimated the skate board to be forbidden in the post office when it isn’t as long as the person is holding it. The kid could have slapped that woman that it wouldn’t have been shocking to anyone.

The Swiss have backstabbed each other, in the dark, for little stupid things for years. Strict everyday rules were important 50 years ago. They called the cops on everybody back then. They would still make people pay for their “mistake” on their own terms and backstab them, to show that they were on the cops’ side. They used to leave clues for people to know or get an idea about the reason why something happened to them, why someone had backstabbed them. Nowadays, the backstabbing is more of a power trip, a game, a “frustration-let-out” than a punishment for not following the rules. The backstabbing is based on hatred nowadays, as before, it was for punishing someone for not doing the right thing. There is so much hidden hatred in Switzerhell that it creates this unbearable sick atmosphere. The disease rate is anyway too high for a small country that has a lot of fresh air, mountains, lakes, country side all around, and a country that is just now in 2009, starting to sell processed foods. There is no hormones in the beef, no antibiotics in chicken. Most cheese is real. A lot of people still eat healthy, and they are all so sick physically. Mentally more, but physically , according to statistics, they should live longer and healthier.

It’s the hatred, it’s the nasty vibe. It’s the lack of passion, love and compassion everywhere. It’s like when Greg Braden came to Zurich to talk about Heart Math and compassion. It’s like he was talking to a wall. The Swiss were listening with a smile, like he came from a different planet. They thought it would be nice if what he was saying was true…. but Swiss reality is Swiss reality. You can’t teach a cow to speak. I am still amazed at how much of a wall the Swiss have created around their precious primitive thoughts. These people travel a lot, but they are the only people I know or have heard of, that don’t learn a thing from meeting other people, culture and habits. They are the only ones who can talk to people when they travel and pretend to have an open mind just and still be convinced that they are better, that the way they do things is the best. It is so far from being the best. As a matter of fact, it is nowadays the worst human filthy thinking process in the world. The Swiss have deteriorated to a point where I am not sure they can go lower on a human level. They have the international buoy around them that keeps the human side of Switzerhell hidden behind all the money, the business which is linked to the whole modern world. Money and business don’t have the quality of human instruction that Switzerhell needs to recover from the deep human filth which lies in every Swiss and that is kept deep by a large wall. Truth is no one wants to save these people. The Swiss would need real saving to break that wall. The people of the world who come through Switzerhell and get an idea of the crap that lies in Swiss people, don’t really care. They look at it like: “These Swiss people have money, they should know better….the idiots” , and they leave the country. Around the world, having money helps educate people. People actually educate themselves when they get their hands on money. It is obvious for most people. They educate themselves, not only by going to school, but learning about life, by having a more relaxed mind, able to love more and have more compassion. They might step on their business competitors to get ahead, but their minds will have the freedom to evolve on a human level. I know some poor Africans who are much more evolved as humans than any Swiss I know. The Swiss are stuck in their mind pit. No one wants to save them since they have so much money, or access to it. The rich countries gather to help people in need usually, like after an earthquake, a tsunami, a war, etc. But who wants to help assholes who have money and contribute to poverty in many countries by attracting headquarters of companies by lowering tax rates for them. I am not calling the world to help the assholes at all. I am pointing out that a probable future poverty of the whole country might be the only thing that could make them come down to a human level themselves. The Swiss need , and it is sad to say so, to have an impoverished devastated county to break down both financially and physically to shake their souls, and break down that wall that keeps them from realizing that they are human and that other people exist, not to help them, not for their entertainment, and not for them to lash their hatred onto. They need to learn that life is not about hatred and how much you can hide of it, and act from it, while getting away with it. But as long as people of the world don’t realize that and keep putting their headquarters there, and their millions in Swiss banks, and buying Nestle products because they think they’re healthy, and buying homes there because they think it is a safe country, Switzerhell will stay strong and help promote the filthy nature of the Swiss and whoever decides to live there. And that is really bad for humanity. Every country is trying to grow on a human-compassion level. You can see people every where saying that the world needs to be a better place because they feel that if that doesn’t happen, it’s going to get worse. Well a big part of the human filth that the world feels, is from Switzerland. The world doesn’t know that, or at least most people don’t believe it. But it’s true.

One thing about that country is that foreigners who live there for a while don’t realize the fear that is around which makes things seem like the country is quiet, introverted. The Swiss leaders have realized a while ago that the Swiss were dangerous because of their mental illnesses and have therefore engrained deep fear in their minds. Cops were and are trained to “punish” people for little things and to show people that they ‘re in power, that they can punish someone and not another when and if they feel like it. People have learned to fear the authorities in a sick way. They have started wanting to be them. Every Swiss is a cop, a lot of people say that in Europe. Immigrants count on that fear when they know how filthy and full of hatred these people are and the things they try to do to them for just parking a bit off the white line. They use that fear when they first get to the country. They use it by threatening Swiss people in their face, which scares them since they’re not used it. But very soon, the immigrants learn that there is so much crap done to them in their back and not knowing who it was, that they soon become “Swiss”, and start shutting up and backstabbing as well. I know that fear, it has been engrained in Swiss minds for centuries. I have it or I had it. Even if I can deal with it in a way, I know it well. You don’t really know why you’re afraid, you were just trained to fear the authorities or something else, actually I can’t really explain it. When I am in the US I don’t have it. It’s like my allergies, when I am in the US I don’t have any. I am now very aware of that fear when I am in Switzerhell. I don’t control it a hundred percent yet, but I know it well when it creeps up on me for no good reason. I can walk in the woods, in the forest with no one around, for hours and I am not afraid. I am ready to act if someone creeps up on me when I don’t walk in fear. However when I am in society, when I meet creepy Swiss all day, I can feel that fear starting to tell me to get away from these people. In the US, I have always felt safe in a crowd, or on the street with lots of people around. I tried to avoid empty areas at night. But in Switzerhell, it is the opposite. That could touch a bit of a mystical sense. Some of you could also say that it’s just in my head or because of some facts that happened to me when I was little. I of course remember my girlfriend getting raped by the son of a cop of the neighborhood in a quiet area. She couldn’t do a thing. She told me she screamed, no one came to help. She then told the police, no one believed her. I also remember every time I came home at night when it was dark, that same cop or his son was always opening the window as I passed by , or closing the shutters to let me know they were watching me. It’s not like a guy watching you and you don’t know it. These assholes wanted me ( and other women and girls) to know they were in charge around the neighborhood. I had one or two birthday parties that lasted past midnight. The noise was barely heard by neighbors if at all. The cop would put his uniform, on duty or not, and would ring the bell and tell us to end the party, not keep the noise down, but end the party. There was no question. I remember no one at the parties either adult or children would argue or complain. They all knew how things worked. Having too much fun is a bad thing. Cops would never worry about people getting home drunk or not, or worry about security. All they wanted was to show their power. When that cop came over once to tell us to end the party, there was a guy who was drunk, had thrown up and was lying on the floor because he had fallen and no one could pick him up. The cop saw him half passed out, but didn’t ask if he was ok. Cops rule and scare people, that’s all they do. People want to be cops and scare people too. Some even think that by backstabbing you, they are warning you and avoiding you a cop visit. Cute country.

When I was living and working in a very famous Swiss ski resort one winter season, I taught aerobics at night, and used to hang out at the club or the local bar and come home late. I was staying in a building where the parking spots were limited, so I was often the last one to come in, so a lot of times I parked where I could which was not always in a marked parking spot, which anyway in the winter no one can tell because the snow covers the color marks to limit the parking zone on the pavement. There were cars everywhere on that parking lot. One morning, I saw my tire slashed, flat. At the time, I was still full of good will, and the thought of someone doing it on purpose didn’t even hit me. I just had it repaired. It was a tiny Fiat Panda. A few years later, someone told me, it was the old man on the 2nd floor who did it. She saw him do a few things to people’s cars and he also threw a flower pot on my someone’s head one night in the summer when people were having a few friends over and talking a bit louder than a whisper, at 9 pm… He knew calling the cops wouldn’t work, it wasn’t that late and there wasn’t that much noise, that was why the old man pretended to drop a flower pot off his balcony by accident. Having lived in the US, I often wanted to talk things out, and ask people why they would do something of the sort. What I didn’t understand back then is that you can’t talk to these idiot Swiss. As a woman you loose anyway, and on a human level, the frustration that a conversation with them brings, is not worth it. Their logic is ridiculous, and when asked to talk, they come up with comments that don’t even exist because they’re not used to talking things out. You think that old man could have come to my place and told me to park somewhere else for x and y reason? No, talking is not a custom. They look at what you do from behind their curtains, and then backstab you when they don’t like what you do. My car was really not bothering anyone. A few other cars were parked outside of proper marked parking spaces, but these cars didn’t belong to any single woman.. It happened to me many times later, but that was the first time, and that time I believed I had driven over a nail or something… Of course it is better when you don’t know all the crap these Swiss people do. I was really positive about everything and didn’t really think anyone would do anything bad to me, especially for no good reason. I had gotten all that positivism from the US. In any country, you can have a crazy neighbor who is watching you or doing little things to you, to make your life a little harder, but in Switzerhell, it is the majority of the population who do that. They spend so much time on observing other people’s behavior and actions, you would think they would learn something here and there, and take advantage of the situation, and use that which they learned for their own growth and well-being. Well the only well-being they will be able to get is the satisfaction of making your life miserable without getting caught. Again, I want to stress the fact that there are people who do such things in every country, to friends, neighbors, co-workers, but not all the time!!!! That’s the major difference between Switzerhell and the rest of the world. Trust me when I say that because I have told that to many people outside Switzerhell and they respond with a smile and say that I exaggerate. I don’t. If anything I don’t know the worst things that go on in Switzerhell because I consider myself a lucky, positive person, so I don’t attract the worst in general. The Swiss have a lot of time on their hands, whether they are retired or they are working and have no other activity in their life than work. They don’t know how to appreciate their families. Most of them spend the least time with their families, whether it is fathers who leave the house as soon as they have eaten, or mothers who come up with fake activities just to get out. Many Swiss stay in their homes but don’t talk to each other, don’t do activities together, don’t even interact. Try to live in a building next door to a family when the walls are really cardboard thin. You can sometimes hear the children which seem barely alive by the sound of their livelihood. You might hear the adults speak to say things like : here is the salt, pepper, sugar, bread,… but aside from that, the only thing that speaks in the apartment is the TV. So a lot of times, one of the parents is watching TV and the other is somewhere watching other people outside, or listening to what they are saying next door. All that is not just for their entertainment, but as soon as they hear or see something they think is wrong, they will plan on doing something to that person , unless it’s a strong Swiss man, to make her or him “pay”. It’s everywhere, all the time. It’s in the culture, it is like the basis of the Swiss lifestyle. I know an older woman who told me that she had an interest in soccer when she was younger and her parents had forbidden her to play soccer because it was a boy’s sport and used to make her sit with them by the window when she had rather gone to play soccer, and watch people, and listen to her parents say bad things about them, and talk about making them pay.

I have seen old people not even hide when they look out the window all day. I had one in the building I lived in that little village with a great view on the lake where they all planed on making me move out because of my dog’s breed. That old man was retired and was always sitting behind his curtain, looking out. He would come out and walk to his car to go shopping. He seemed healthy and still pretty strong. The odor that was coming out of his tiny apartment though was definitely body odor from not or never showering. The showers worked just fine in the building. It is one thing to smell bad body odor on someone when you pass by them in the staircase, but it comes out of their apartment, it’s really bad. This guy was probably not showering and never opening the window. He would sit by it, but never open it. That’s another Swiss thing: in the winter, no one opens windows because the heat is on. There is fresh air outside but let’s keep it outside! No fresh air inside. Not in their home, not in their office, not at the gym and not in their car. Switzerhell is a country where you can find a lot of fresh air. There are a few big cities which aren’t so big anyway so the pollution is not a major problem, also because it rarely gets big heat. But inside pollution which everyone outside Switzerhell knows, is the worst kind of pollution and is a big problem. Oh wait, could it be solved by opening windows a few times a day? Oh but that’s rocket science for the Swiss, and that would waste a breath of heat. Cannot do that.

I have gone to a few gyms in Switzerhell. Some are underground without windows, and the ones that have windows, anyone is forbidden to open them. Can I tell you about the odor that lies and flies around these places? Think about your worst ghetto cheap community center gym ( which are great by the way for people who can’t afford the other gyms) with a bunch of dudes who don’t take showers, eat a lot of garlic and cheese and sweat like pigs? In Switzerhell, all gyms are more expensive than your best top quality health club in the US and smell like your worst Southern ( because of the heat) ghetto gym. It isn’t hot in Switzerhell and these people don’t really sweat that much when they work out because minimal effort is all they give. No one showers before going to the gym. They all know they are going to shower after so no shower in the morning, even if they work out at night because knowing that they will shower at night and they showered last night, is clean enough! Men also wear shorts, no matter how old they are. Once one man wears shorts, you can be sure they all do it. It is the sheep mentality. You show your legs, I’ll show mine. Wearing shorts exposes body odor even more than wearing sweat pants. It is nastier than nasty. These people are disgusting. Showering twice a day is absurd to them. They smell bad and then you have to see these ugly legs ( let’s face it few men have nice looking legs as it is) and then to top it all, they look at a woman like they own her, stare up and down with their ugly faces, and if you don’t look back and smile they give you a dirty look that says : “You whore, if I wanted you really, of course I could have you, I am a man!” Sweet people of Switzerland… Can I puke now? And then when you think about their minds, their empty one-sided way of thought, their thinking that they are the best in everything, better than other cultures….I am not even talking about an old guy who can be a bit cocky for his age but because he used to be good looking and he is very educated, he knows a lot about everything, and hey, we need a few of those snobs, to make other guys look good and humble in a normal country. In Switzerhell all old men think they are still God’s gift to, not only women, but the world. How dare all these old men think they rule the world? I know.. because they do. Ok so rich old men can do anything they want, even stink and stare. I have nothing against old men who are educated, have done great in life and are a bit cocky. I don’t even have anything against any old man, funny or not. Swiss old men though are neither smart nor funny! And when you know how they think, what they do on their free time, it makes me sick. Swiss people can not be considered people by non-Swiss standards. They are a breed of filth.

　

Women are not even women. How can they even take the crap they take from their husbands and boyfriends? Small things that I can see all the time, at the gym: When a couple works out, the man still walks around and stares at other women, and even goes to work out near a woman that intrigues him, goes to look at her from up close like monkeys used to do back in the primitive jungle days. His wife is working out somewhere, waiting for him to do his round. Meanwhile how dare she talk to a man while hers is elsewhere. If she dares, the guy will let her know it’s wrong later. The Swiss don’t fight in public so if the woman does talk to some guy or stares at some dude when her husband is looking, he will make her pay at home. The woman who sees her man go up to another woman cannot say anything. It’s the law… As for me who is sometimes the other woman who would rather be left alone, I wish these Swiss bitches would keep their husbands on leashes. They wouldn’t know what that means. They have the right to vote and to work. Swiss men say now that they have the right to shut up. Swiss women don’t mind it. They love that pseudo protection of their husband. Of course when a Swiss or a foreigner attacks the couple once, then the woman realized how much protection she really has, when she sees her husband run away, leaving her while someone is beating her up. A lot of times, sadly, these are the few women who then realize that they are stronger than they thought as women, and wake up from their long Swiss brainwashed sleep. the problem though is later they will show their confidence and men will break her because how dare her woman be confident?

Swiss society also tell women that when they have a man they love, it’s an accomplishment so they better do anything and everything to keep him. So the woman will put up with the fake Swiss macho crap ( Swiss men might have the macho attitude of a strong non-Swiss Southern-European guy, but barely the moral and physical strength of a sheep, but it’s all about the image). I also know that if these women want to keep a man, they don’t fuss too much about anything because these sick childlike men can’t take too much! If their woman says the wrong thing, they start holding a grudge. They are extra sensitive because they don’t know who they are. Women have been put in a box so they just learn who they are supposed to be and how they’re supposed to act. They have another fear engrained in their brains, which is that if they don’t do everything to keep their man, there might never get another one! In couples, women who are beaten up often stay because of the fact that they’re afraid of not finding another man. They can always leave and get a job. Any job will get them a decent salary to be able to survive, even with children. So the money is rarely the issue n Switzerhell. It’s the fear, the famous fear. It could be the fear of not finding another man, or the fear of their man harassing them or killing them if they leave. You think in the US, a woman can’t get help at the police station, when she has been beaten up? Well try Switzerhell! Cops will laugh and might not even acknowledge her presence in the first place.

Anyway, what a great country! A few North American men flee to Switzerhell to enjoy the sick rights that they don’t have as much of in the US. The men who can’t stand being sued for staring at their female co-worker or their neighbor, or worse, who miss the good old days when they could get away with hitting their own woman. All these sickos of the world gather in Switzerhell. Even Swiss Press now admits that there is a lot of violence in couples ! The law is still : if you get beaten up by your boyfriend it’s your fault, you chose the boyfriend, it’s a free country! You had to choose better! and in any case it’s always the woman’s fault, the woman always provokes the man to hit her, rape her, or kill her! As a woman in everyday life, with men that you know, you have to be extra clear if you don’t want anything else than friendship! No games, no flirting, no jokes. Otherwise it gives them the right to rape you. Since you know the guy, you clearly must have provoked him, or given him signs that you wanted him. That’s the law, and I’ll tell you what, men live by it, if you know a man, if you have repetitive conversations with him for whatever reason, work, hobbies, sport, etc, you, as a woman have to be very careful not to flirt or give any sign that you might be open to anything…. Because that gives them the right to attack basically!! And be ware not to defend yourself, because if you hurt the man ( God forbid a woman hurting a man), you will be arrested!! Yes it is a beautiful country! Well I always say look at the bright side: there are many Swiss men who are not able to get it up that quickly to rape a woman. I have, thank god never slept with a Swiss guy , except maybe my first boyfriend who was of Italian origin, but I have heard many female conversations where they mentioned some of the things they had to do to put their man in the mood. I won’t get into it because this is not an x-rated book, but I can tell you that for young couples these stories were pretty sad. I personally have been in situations where if I had repetitive conversations with a particular man, I could feel I had to be careful how I behaved and the vibe I was giving off, not to send him sexual or interested signals. And I have also luckily, been in situations where I could feel the guy was so awkward that he wouldn’t have known how to begin.

I am also amazed at how much Swiss females love their roles, their “victim, protected only by their husbands” roles. If you tackle their status and say that they’re weak, that things should change, that they should fight for more rights, they will start yapping away, screaming that if you’re not happy it’s not their fault, because that’s how they express their frustration, yapping, screaming, but would never take action against a man who attacked them or showed them disrespect! They wouldn’t dare or want to! If you yap and scream you fit right in! I did it a few times and felt really dumb but when you know that if you raise your voice, or god forbid your hand, you’ll be arrested… you tend to let it out another way. For a woman to express herself by talking things out, making a man seem less smart than them is abnormal and dangerous. Again, since things are hidden in Switzerhell, no man will attack the woman on the spot if insulted, but someone will follow her and backstab her at some point.

Women are on the planet to please men. They can have a career but have to stay good Swiss women in every other way, for them to find a man and therefore be accepted by society. So of course women have to do their best to look good. In some cultures, women naturally love to look their best, and go out of their way to do it. But the Swiss are lazy. Swiss women often don’t want to wear make-up, loose weight, dress well. It is a chore for many of them to look their best. Of course the vast immigration population from Southern Europe give these Swiss women competition because Southern European women tend to enjoy spending time getting prettier and prettier. Swiss women have to work harder to keep up. At the gym, women are trained to look their best without seeming to have worked on it… well that’s everywhere, light make-up , the hair is done, the outfit is tight and brand new, the tennis shoes are the latest fashion or close to it, the perfume is on…If a man stares, whatever the man, whether women like it or not, they’re supposed to smile nicely back at the man. The man of course has the priority on work out machines, because man is stronger than woman… And even if biology says men are stronger, then that should mean that men use more weight when they work out on these machines. Whenever they see me putting more weight on a machine then them, I can be sure that the dude is going to bug me in some kind of way, like taking my towel off my machine and use it, if I walk away for a minute. Weight lifting in Switzerhell is considered a stupid sport. Well of course it is not really a Swiss sport and the Swiss are not good at it so it is stupid to them. They still think that if a man has a lot of muscles, then he automatically has no brain. That’s why they work out light maybe, or maybe they’re just lazy… They work out so light I keep wondering why they go to the gym. Choose another sport! Go outside, you have all those mountains around you, go run, hike, lift rocks! A few of them do of course, once a week, once a month or less. Many towns near forests have built outdoor free work out circuits, with all kinds of fun equipment made of wood or metal where you can do all kinds of exercises. There are even signs that tell you the exercises that you can do at that particular post. I use to use that thing when I was little, a lot. You would think that people would use these free available tools! Hardly! I think it’s a great thing! I think the German invented it! A lot of times, these trails are empty….no one around…And they go to the gym to pull half a kilo… or just about! That goes to show you that they go to the gym to meet people. There are people across the globe who would love to have these outside equipment, free, to work out. The Swiss don’t even use their trails to run and nor hike that much. They are spoiled idiots. They don’t know how to take advantage of what is in the country, whether it is equipment, wealth, education or other people from other cultures. The Swiss just sit there, learn nothing, want nothing to change, want nothing new, and get vicious when people do different things in front of them.

At the gym, I can tell who is Swiss or non-Swiss, just by feeling their vibe. I don’t have to look at them for hours or stare, don’t have to listen to them speak. I am not psychic, anyone who is a bit sensitive will feel it. The Swiss will invade your space with their gross and invading presence as they come really close too you to show you they exist, or stare so much that you can feel the looks weighing on you! They have such a filthy vibe whether they stare or not. Sometimes it’s because they are so insulted that a person would not acknowledge them by staring back at them like everyone else that they get upset and one can feel that. Because the Swiss are not very expressive, they keeps all that anger in and it becomes very heavy. The Swiss are not used to seeing someone who feels good and happy especially at the gym because for them, the working out part of the gym is painful. I personally love the gym, working out. It drives them nuts that someone would feel good at the gym. It’s a disease : these people are so filthy inside , their minds and spirits, that they have to spread the disease in order to feel good. So if you feel good, they will mess with you, by stealing your weights, using your machine when you’re not looking, without asking, making stupid comments out loud about you with their friends. They’ll do anything to make your life miserable, even at the gym! Yes they are sad miserable people. But for me who lived there for so many years, I couldn’t believe the amount of crap they put me through everywhere, for no decent reason! Living in that country for me is worst than being on drugs. You are hooked on crack, you have highs and lows. I had a few highs with my dogs. If you’re on crack, you feel like you can’t get out because that thing brings you down. That part is exactly the way I feel living in Switzerhell. If you get out of it, you really can’t touch it ever again. That is what I hope, to get out forever and not have to touch that country ever again.

I maybe over-react to their stares some days. Like sometimes, one guy won’t stop staring: In the US, if you look at the guy in a sort of aggressive way, he looks away and “got the point” that the woman doesn’t like it or him! I also know American men don’t like to be stared at by other men especially ( unless they like it). In Switzerhell people must like it when you stare at them, whether it’s in a nice way or an aggressive way, because nothing will stop the ancient custom. When I have a dude staring non stop, I so can’t stand it, I won’t give him the pleasure to talk to him or yell at him for staring, he’d be too happy! Men love it when they can get a woman upset. So I leave the area. I make sure I stay away from the guy for the rest of the work out. If he comes near me again I leave, and go somewhere else. I can always adapt my work out and work with other equipment than I had planned. I can feel the different vibe from people from the US, Indians, sometimes British, Asian cultures for sure, Canadians, and even South Americans at the gym or in public context. I don’t feel any vibe from them because they mind their business, and me mine. I sometimes don’t see them. I love that! I must admit sometimes when there are too many Swiss around who stare, and if I feel one guy or even woman who leaves me alone, I go closer to that person, I follow them when I feel really in need of “normal people”. They might then feel my invasion. I then become my enemy in a way. It’s my way to deal with the situation. The only other way for me to deal would be not to go to the gym in Switzerhell. If I go, I have to adapt: I like to stretch sometimes in between sets, and put my leg on something to stretch a hamstring, but I have to be careful never to put the leg too high unless I have many “allies” around, or I can be sure someone will come and bug me or talk to me like they think I want attention or a man, or like I am showing off. Showing off is never a good idea in Switzerhell, it will bring you trouble, jealous people who will express their jealousy. The Swiss only express a few feelings, and they are the negative ones. When I do stretch, I make sure I don’t look at anyone, make sure I don’t look sexy at all as I always dress in baggy sweat pants over there! Some men stretch as well in between sets. They don’t get stared at. Some women too, just rarely in between sets. They know how it works and they don’t feel the need to stretch that bad, so they do it at the end on a mat, or at home. If I am going to pay to go to the gym, I want to be able to work out the way I always do, or close to it. In the US, people look discreetly that I don’t feel them looking, which is fine! All I want is not feel that ugly invading vibe of unhappy frustrated people who only tolerate people acting all the same way all the time.

You take men in the United States: aside from the fact that they are used to the laws of sexual harassment, which keep them from staring, annoying, harassing, bothering, insulting and attacking women, unless they really can’t help it… When I was living in that great country, when there was one man staring in a weird way once or twice, it was no big deal to me. In Europe, men stare, bug, annoy, bother, harass and insult women on a daily basis. Not only do they always get away with it, but it’s a sport for them. Some, not all, women take it as a compliment. If no man bugs her in some kind of way, she then feels alone and rejected. The Swiss are like big children, only without the fun. Let’s forget the fact that a woman like me who has lived in the US with the “luxury” of being left alone, of being able to go clubbing alone, dirty dance with a lot of men and then go home alone, without anyone bothering me. I got used to that. Let’s say if you live in Europe then you have to adapt. Ok, I am doing my best and accepting that these men are really «　predatory　» and act dominant in a sick way. But for example when a woman falls down, not one of them goes to help her, when a woman is attacked on a bus , the other men run away, and so on.. Well that’s how it always is in Switzerhell. At least Latin men, Italian and Spanish ( for Europe Latin cultures are Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, and Southern French , too tends to be included in there sometimes as the French language comes from Latin as well), will not only defend a woman who needs help on the street, but they will go out of their way to protect a woman in danger, whether she is from their family or not. I hear men can be like that in Germany too, funny enough. Not in Switzerland. In the US, women get the best of both worlds. I personally have been “saved” by men when I needed it several times. I know the US are not perfect, there are still women who get raped, insulted and harassed and men get away with it, but I think these cases are a small percentage compared to most countries in the world. What is dreadful about Switzerhell is that the world doesn’t know about it. It’s got that great image where everything is perfect. Well it’s not only not perfect, it’s disgusting. Would you like to live in a country where men can do pretty much anything to you , and you can’t do anything about it legally? In a country where you get attacked and can’t do anything about it and have that same country pretend to be up on women’s rights? When you know that men have a lot more rights, and then have this same country wave the flag of human rights to the world? Have the same country care so much about its image to the world, that they open their doors to political refugees and give them free lodging, food and money, men mostly, funnily…If you’re a woman living there, you better get a husband, a rich man preferably to keep the other bastards away! Well sure that sounds great, but when you know how men think and act, it makes it very tough to be attracted to one! Plus physically, the Swiss would not win the world beauty prize….As a matter of fact, last year Mr Swiss ( the most attractive or supposed to be…) was a black man, cute, but have seen many more gorgeous black men around the world! I have yet to see a Swiss man that looks really hot…They are a few in Switzerhell but not of Swiss origin.

Sundays are the worst days at the gym: All the ugly f**** who either can’t get laid nor find a woman who can love them, or who have a wife who doesn’t want to f*** . Well they come to the gym and watch everything that’s female as if it ( female are things for many) could be their meal of the evening. And with me, I get lots of looks because they wonder about me, they wonder if they want me or not because I am different yet not gorgeous and obvious. So they stare and stare wondering if I could be what they are looking for… They gross me out so much. In the US there are some ugly dudes at the gym, but you know what, they have either a sense of humor or some spirit that will make them not so bad looking when they start talking. I am talking in general here of course. But in Switzerhell men are dull as dull gets. So when you got ugly plus dull, and then you know how they think about life, dogs, women, etc. It then totally grosses me out!!! I can’t even take their presence! In the beginning when I was in Switzerhell as an adult, I would fight, I would stare at them and ask: “What do you want?” and then they’d start saying : nothing, I want nothing, or they’d start calling the club manager that I was rude and it always works there, when a woman is rude to a man… I almost got thrown out of the last gym I was a member of!

These people have no life. The Swiss spend so much time trying to find out everybody’s business that their life can’t be interesting, otherwise they wouldn’t have time to spy and get into people’s lives. When they catch themselves spying on each other, they come up with some goofy excuse and become “friends” and start talking about their lives as if there was something to envy, to pity, or to learn…

Don’t you love a culture where cops run you over with their cars, then yell at you as you lie on the ground with your leg in triple pain ( you’re 14 years old walking to school…), turns out your knee is twisted and you’ll have to walk with crutches for 2 months and keep a weak knee just to remind you the event all the time. After that accident, I had to walk with crutches for 2 months where everything was tough My school had a lot of stairs everywhere ( the schools were definitely not designed for handicapped people). Having one parent, a mother, who was working, couldn’t drive the kid to school every morning, so a taxi had to be ordered every day, at least twice, sometimes 4 times since we always would come home for lunch. That alone was quite a lot of money. The chief of police ( yes not just a cop!), who had insurance for that kind of thing, didn’t want to make his insurance pay as he said it was the teenager’s fault, walking on that village street which had no sidewalk, a little too far away from the side of the street ( forgive the kid if she was walking with a friend which means she couldn’t lick the walls, and trust me she wasn’t in the middle of the street, dancing around!). Chief of police, not only blamed the girl for the accident and didn’t pay a dime, but made no apology whatsoever. A few years later, another cop, father of the rapist, who had heard about the accident, was quick to make a dangerous little joke ( that’s what they call their crimes when they miss: jokes) while driving on the same road where the girl used to walk to go to school, drove so close and so fast , to the girl that this time she could have been killed, but she was alone with Shiva so she heard the car coming and ran into a driveway to avoid the car.

The chief of police with a great reputation (…), 5 years after the accident, saw the girl with her dog on the street facing his building ( he lived in a 5 story house with many apartments. The dog was pooping. The girl was used to picking up ( no big deal to her), scooping the poop. Chief of police who just opened his window , yelled at her and asked her if she would like it if he came to take a shit ( he used that kind of language) in front of her house. She scooped as he kept yelling and ( insulting her and her dog . Do you get the picture, the chief of police in a nice little town in Switzerland? I wish I could say that town was an exception…That girl, with all her anger inside, has done nothing against that individual to take revenge. The problem in that country, if you live there long enough there are so many scumbags you would need to take revenge on that it would be too much work. But some will say Swiss people must be really nice to take that kind of crap from cops and other people. Well the law of the strongest is part of the culture. You have to make sure you are much stronger to take revenge without anything happening to you afterwards. Witnesses who saw the accident of me getting hit by the chief of police’s car, hid behind their curtains, and only talked about what they saw at the dinner table. Why would they help or get involved? Switzerland screams out to the world how much it helps the poor. How much its people give to charities around the world… Well the government gives a lot compared to how much people give (well people give a bit of their fat salaries to charity to show how good they are and to avoid paying too much taxes, plus it makes them feel good as giving money is easier than helping people in person, making efforts and getting involved, they don’t know how to do that). However if you’re a victim of someone stronger in society ( cop or rich man), no one will help you! Do you like this country yet? Precious, right?

Image is everything.

The Swiss think that being polite is the only thing they need to do to be ” good people”. If they are polite then they get the respect they need by their society and forget the rest. If they lie, spy on other’s lives, steal, run over animals on the street, spend their lives making other people’s lives a living nightmare, all that doesn’t matter as long as they are polite! That’s their label and can nobody touch it because it’s the only virtue in the country! And boy is that important, to be polite, when you ‘re a scumbag! Well if you’re a woman, you have to have that extra touch of sweetness and victim-like behavior to get a good grade in society, even if on your free time you volunteer to help your husband backstab your neighbors. The image, the facade, the wall they are putting up for the world overpowers their personality. It’s more than an act, because that would mean playing a role, and the word playing is a bad word in Switzerhell, but it’s like they’re so aching to be little soldiers that they need to lash out on others, in the “dark” because that’s easier and safer for them. Of course they fantasize on lashing out on bigger fish than them in public, but it will rarely happen. The satisfaction they get from backstabbing makes them content. But if you don’t dig in the Swiss society, you might only get the lame picture of: “boring, polite with perfume”. A clean look with perfume is very important. Only the look is clean and only the perfume smells good. Don’t get too close!

　

There is a wave of articles in the papers about how surprised people are to learn about the amount of discrimination on people with Aids in the country. The Swiss discriminate against everything, in silence and in the comfort of their backstabbing. Switzerhell has another famous hypocrisy. It is the fact that they swear on human rights’ graves, that everyone has the right to privacy, and that all information about everyone is kept a secret. Well it is true for some rich men, but for most of us, we are open books for whoever decides to sneak in our personal data. The fact of having Aids should be confidential. It is funny how many people with Aids are fired right and left. I heard a foreigner on the radio say:” It is unbelievable to have , in a civilized country like Switzerland, so much discrimination on people with a disease which is scientifically proven to not be contagious in other ways than bodily fluids. ” This goes to show you how much people who live in the country don’t know about how the Swiss really are! There are so many foreigners who live in their bubbles and don’t know anything about who the Swiss really are. I will never say it enough. I have to say that I had a glimpse at the real Swiss, being a single woman, but my dog Shadow opened a new window for me to see deeper in these people’s core. I thank him for that. That dog taught me things that are essentials in life, things that I would never have learned in a lifetime on my own in Switzerhell. That dog knew more about life than any Swiss. It may sound harsh, and for people who like dogs but have never let themselves meet any great ones, I need to stress the fact that a Swiss person can teach you pain, guilt, fear, maybe a hint of satisfaction and recognition, but never the deeper truth about this life. There fortunately are great people in the world, along with great dogs ( I had two), but not in Switzerland. I am convinced that my two dogs got even better when we lived in the US together for a wile. Shadow had the hardest time coming back to Switzerhell, even if he was only in the US for one year. I should have never come back. And I came back for my dogs to have a garden as my mother had promised to buy a house and have me rent it. It was my Swiss fear that brought me back, not only my mother’s fault. I was afraid of not being able to find a way to get papers to live in the US. I was afraid to be broke and illegal, which I was very close to being. I should have had faith, trust.

　

The gym in Switzerhell has taught me or reinforced some thoughts I had about the Swiss, that I wouldn’t have experienced in any other situation. The gym is the only place I need to go for my own health and sanity, even if it means being not only close to Swiss physically, but also interacting forcibly, and therefore noticing many little things about the Swiss. At the gym, they are not at work so they are closer to their true nature. Nature is such a beautiful term that I hate to use it while talking about the Swiss. There is nothing natural about those people. Everything is unnatural, insane and awkward.

Trying to make fun of the Swiss has always been my goal so I would be able to use their stupidity and viciousness for entertainment. First of all after all the crap they put me and my dogs through, I can’t feel anything but disgust for these people. Second, I also used to be like them in some areas, and sometimes afraid that I would change back and be as disgusting as them again. So I have a hard time making fun of them, like some foreigners can. However I try, on good days to talk to some foreigners as if I was one, and I can on occasions make fun of them. At the gym for example:

Ladies, there is always a scum at the gym, right? That one guy who stares like a retard and we wish he were one because retards are harmless. That one guy you are not sure you should avoid or report to the front desk, that one guy who pretends to work out but doesn’t really, so you wonder why he is at the gym, sitting on machines and looking around, in between sets. Usually very ugly skinny guy, you do your best to ignore him but he keeps popping up at every corner or in the vicinity all the time… Well imagine a gym with only guys like that! Top it off with a filthy bad odor! That’s the gym in Switzerhell! Can you picture it? Some would say: don’t go to the gym if it’s that bad! Yes that would be the logic and sane thing to do, but I need to work out especially with weights and machines at least a few times a week. These people look at me like I am nuts, I run away from men when they are using a machine that is too close to me. They think: But why isn’t she feeling good here? ( wait while I puke) Is she shy? ( wait while I get an oxygen mask). Is she a lesbian? ( I wish they would think that, but wait, they’re curious and it might make them come closer ). My only way to have them less on my case would be for me to work out like them ( horribly wrong, sit on the machine in between sets so the blood doesn’t move too much) and blend in ( smile and pretend to love working out around them ( yuck!). I dream of an American gym…any… even a Harlem gym where women want to pull my eyes out and most men look at me like I am in the wrong neighborhood ( have been there). Really I ‘d rather have that! I know it’s not much of a better world but really the gym is my thing; it’s the place where it’s usually hard to make me feel uncomfortable. If I was yearning for attention, I would feel happy in Switzerhell, but who wants the attention of scumbags who have never seen anything and who stare like no animal has the patience to! I love a good American gym where there are people to joke around with on occasions but who otherwise are into their workouts. I so yearn for normal people working out, and not going to the gym to chat 80% of the time and stare at others. I love to be stared at by cows only in Switzerhell. I would love to replace the punks at the gym, by cows. It would be fun. We could put some grass in between machines. I would enjoy that very much.

　

　

I love cows. That was another reason why I moved to that scum ( the people) village with my 2 dogs where everyone villager tried to make us move out. There were cows around the village, in fields, and when I went hiking up through the forest, I would then get to another bunch of cow fields. It was sometimes tricks to pass through the fields as the cows were always attracted by my big dog, who I think they thought was a calf. So yes me and the dogs did have some nice long healthy walks around that scum village. Every single morning I would hike up the hill to the forest, for an hour and a half to two hours. I sure did advantage of the location, whether these f**** tried to mess with us or not. Actually once we had gone through the dirty village, we usually only had to deal with one or two dirt-bags in the forest. So yes me and the dogs did get some great daily workouts there. The scum villagers make our life a living hell but I was fighting to get us some good moments to ourselves, whether it was in the forest, in the mountain or when our studio door was closed and it was only the 3 of us for the evening. I would put earplugs on, or the TV on, and wouldn’t hear the bastards trying to make annoying noises.

There was a rich bitch in this scum village who took the train very often. She did and still wants the world to know that she is rich so she wears really expensive clothes and jewelry and she shows everyone by bringing with her pieces of paper towel ( the expensive kind) which she puts on the train seat before sitting down. The Swiss may be dirty because they don’t take showers every morning ( every Swiss I have come across takes a shower at night but in the morning they get up and go! But since the Swiss spend millions on their image, they do keep the trains clean, the streets clean in most places. So the lady is obviously a little nuts to protect her old ass with paper towel on relatively clean seats! She is an older lady, a little fat ( according to European standards), long blond hair ( probably grey under there), and thinks she is cleaner than everybody! I remember talking to a colleague in the train and this woman was sitting there, and I must have uttered a swear word or two and she very obviously went to sit somewhere else. She therefore made the point that she is superior to us little people who utter an f-word or two before certain words when we want to make a statement. My colleague was British, so this lady wanted to show that she didn’t like foreigners either. The point here is that this lady who is a nobody except a fat wallet, behaves as she was superior, cleaner than anyone else…. That reminds me of the two men who were sitting in second class in the train ( first class is usually for people who don’t want too much noise around or just to say they travel in first class….in the train…): It was a busy hour and the train was very crowded. I sat down beside them as I saw a seat available. They started talking to each other : They were saying that they should have run to first class at the train station because it was horrible to sit with little people or rather the people as opposed to the Elite who travels first class! I was shocked and thought it can’t be, they must be joking as they were quite young, but the more I listened the more I realized how serious and how pathetic they were! They were then saying that it was a “change” for them to sit with the little people, and at the next station they ran out and ran to first class. They were not joking I can swear it. Trust me the Swiss don’t have a sense of humor and when they do they make it very obvious and it’s ridiculous!

There are a lot of rich foreigners in Switzerhell and some of them are smart and don’t ever feel the need to mix with the Swiss or even know anything about their culture, which I totally understand. They however don’t feel superior. The Swiss who made it to the same money as those foreigners think that they are as smart, and superior… It’s sad! The kind of Swiss who makes big money and who feels the need to show off his superiority and needs to hurt the ones who don’t have as much to feel alive, by making nasty comments in public succeed in doing it in a polite way. The Swiss insists on being polite, so he won’t insult a poor person for being poor, but he talk to this friends out loud with a smile and proper French ( the words are proper, not the accent) to try to humiliate the poor for not having the clothes, the car, first class, the house or the boat, because of lack of achievement in life.

　

The Swiss are so polite…

The Swiss always say how polite they are and how other countries are not. If you want to insult them tell them they are impolite they will go nuts. Another way to insult them is to ignore them, anywhere, in public when you pass near them. Their culture says “stare”, or at least look at people, all the time. The Swiss will see it as a compliment if you get into their space. No Swiss ever says “excuse me” when they enter your personal space. If you keep your distance on purpose they’ll feel insulted. It’s the sheep mentality and the “acknowledge me I am alive” mentality. In all countries where men stare at women, old men tend to have some pride and don’t stare as much. Swiss old men think they are still hot and stare with that confident style that your average Joe of a normal country doesn’t even dare putting out!! It’s disgusting and humiliating for the whole country. Then you have the vibe that goes with the stare of older men. A person like me who has felt this crap vibe from many men in my life in Switzerhell, when I go to the US and get stared at by some guys, I don’t even see it nor feel it, because the Swiss carry that disgusting heavy vibe of the primitive caveman that says: ” hello, I am here , I am a man, I’m strong, look at me, look at me look at me!!! They don’t stare because a woman is beautiful necessarily, they stare if the woman didn’t acknowledge them or didn’t smile at the man as she should be delighted that a man is looking in her direction! They are so not confident deep inside that they need reassurance from women all over the place! Sure you can say: oh poor men! Well the law is so on their side when they harass , insult or rape women that at no point am I going to feel sorry!

Swiss society is made of frustrated vicious evil people. The only thing that saves me besides their engrained fear, is that they have many rules in Switzerhell and most of these evil men and women still follow some of their ancestral rules like little soldiers. Some pretend to follow them and don’t but they pretend so well that everybody thinks they follow the rules. I personally follow the rules that make sense. I don’t tell the Swiss that, because that would tell them that I dare think I am smarter than them. I have had to take their crap for so long because I was born Swiss with 2 Swiss parents. My father died, maybe to save me, give me more freedom. If he had been there, I wouldn’t have been able to come to the US, because he wanted me to go to university in Switzerhell, plus I wouldn’t have had the money to go to the US. For my father there was no thought of the possibility of going to another country. My mother is the kind of Swiss that loves to travel, to come back and tell everyone about her trips. She was a teacher and teachers were allowed to get a paid sabbatical year every 10 or 20 years of teaching, so she wanted to use it and travel. Thanks to her and circumstances, I got to escape from hell and see that there was another, better world out there at the age of 12. A lot of Swiss travel, go on vacation, even take a year here and there to go live in another country, but their Swiss minds are so made of filthy metal bares that nothing good from the culture of the new country they are visiting sinks in. It’s like their minds grow from childhood in a metal box, a Swiss metal which is the same for everyone so everyone ends up thinking the same with the same logic. The only thing that makes their individual personality is maybe the likes of different colors , sports, or careers. If one person, me in this case goes outside of the country at a young age and starts breaking that Swiss metal box, they start freaking out, either they gang up against that person and make fun of her/him, or they start getting nervous and make her/his life miserable to show who is in “power” in their country. The Swiss are a primitive and evil people. You might say: there are evil people everywhere in the world. I’ll say: yes, but they are countries where evil people are a majority and countries where they are a minority. Like in the US, there are whackos and evil folks, but the majority points them out, doesn’t ignore them and let them live their rich little lives! Aside from the fact that pedophiles in Switzerhell have a law that protects their privacy, there is a law that says : everyone is entitled to have their criminal records “protected”, so no one can know if their neighbor is a criminal or not, especially when it’s a man. At the same time, as Switzerhell is the land of hypocrisy, when the person is a woman alone or not a rich foreigner, the cops will tell the village all about her past so that everyone knows everything. That’s how they like it. But a Swiss or a rich foreigner will be able to live his life ( it’s rarely a “her”) with his fat criminal record, be very polite in society and all the villagers will love him! “Oh what a very polite and nice man!” they will say, and feel good about the fact that they are saying something nice about somebody. Hello criminals of the world, pedophiles and rich scumbags! If you can seem polite with everyone you come across, come to Switzerhell! Polite doesn’t require much for the Swiss. All you have to do is say hello, smile, say thank you and you’re welcome, and maybe an occasional: how is the weather going to be like tomorrow( the Swiss talk about the weather A LOT since they don’t have much to talk about) , they will love you. They’ll talk crap behind your back but they’ll leave you alone for a while. If you’re a woman you better be married or be ready to take their bullshit ( no laws to protect women ), show them the money and the fact that you’re a foreigner will be appeased. They don’t like foreigners but there is a sacred rule that almost every Swiss learns at an ealry age: if they are richer than you, let them be! Go pick on the poor! As kids, it’s fun. to pick on the poor I mean. I was living in a town by a lake for a year and a half, in a very modest apartment building, where a lot of working poor lived. I know since salaries are pretty good, the working poor is not that poor, but they are poor people who work but have to spend all their money to pay debts or to raise a family of 5 or more. I used to walk my dog Shiva in the neighborhood. There were these 2 young girls, maybe 16 years old. I was 34. They came from another neighborhood of nice homes. They would hang out there, nothing to do, I guess. They started to bark at me, then make fun of my little dog, of my clothes , then insulting me because they were frustrated that I didn’t respond. I didn’t say anything at first, but when it happened more than 3 times, I started talking back and warning them. One day, they came inside my building on the ground floor. They were whispering like they were ready to do something. There was no one else around. I put my little dog in the cellar and I came to confront them by myself. As soon as they saw me they started insulting me, I then wanted to put an end to this so I took one of them and dragged her outside and I kicked the other one in the leg as she was trying to grab me. They were more shocked than anything. They never thought an older than them, woman, from a modest building, would dare touch them. They thought I would get scared. They started screaming : we’re calling the cops! I then had to go to the police station to file a complaint against 2 girls whose names I didn’t know before they called their rich parents, went to the cops and started lying about what they were doing in my building. I knew if I hadn’t gone to the cops, I would have been if not arrested, called in! The cops would have believed their rich parents, and I would have been fried. I never heard from the cops. In the US, I lived in areas where young kids would hang out, and never have I been insulted nor talked to in a bad way. I just mind my own business and in the US, everyone respects that. I never looked for trouble, why would they start trouble with me? In Harlem, I remember that one Porto Rican guy ( he looked Porto Rican and was wearing a big Porto Rican Flag on his t-shirt), about 28 years old, near a children playground. There was a bare where people could do pull ups. I would sometimes take the dogs for a walk there and do a few pull ups. If I say kids in the playground, I would tie the dogs up while I was doing the pull ups. This would only take 5 or 10 minutes. This guy came near me, and told me I couldn’t have my dogs there, and threatened to kick my dogs. I know he was strong and could have done damage as he probably saw that even my big dog wasn’t ferocious. When he threatened to kick my dogs, all the hatred from Switzerhell came back to me, and I wanted him 5 miles underground, but I should have left right away. I was in Harlem after all. But I felt all the hatred and I stayed there arguing with him. I told him that I had one more set and I was gone, and that he should just try to hit my dogs and see what happens… I was furious, I didn’t think of the possibility of his gang being around the corner, or a possible gun in his pants, or whatever, I was not thinking straight anymore. But he didn’t even do a thing to us, he just yelled as we were leaving: ” You white people have everything you want! I am sick of that sh**”. It was funny for me to hear that, as I was on a visa, with very little money, babysitting for some extra cash, while he had a green card or an American passport as a Porto Rican, able to work legally in the country.

Other than that, in the US, the worst was being whistled at from young outside construction workers. I still think it’s a compliment! (even more when I am getting older!) I know some American women get offended. They don’t know how good they have it in the US. In Paris young kids who knew I am was living alone, used to ring my bell over and over and run away, for days. In Geneva, I once got insulted as I was riding my bicycle because of my boots. I had ugly ( I guess they must have been ugly) rain boots with flowers on them and lots of colors. A girl who was walking with her friend, also 16 or 17, yelled: “Waoo nice boots, ( laughing, sarcastic) what the f*** do you think you’re doing with these ugly boots bitch?” ( well translation from French). I didn’t say anything, didn’t stop. Some young kids take it for granted that they are rich and nothing has ever happened to them, that they can insult others and get away with it because of their Swiss money. They didn’t know me, had never seen me. They weren’t bullying someone they knew was weak. I knew for a fact that, had I had the time and the desire to get off my bike, I could have kicked her young Swiss ass so bad she would have remembered me for all her life. But I didn’t. I needed to get back to my dogs. She was lucky. She won’t insult a guy like that, but she thought a woman would never do anything to her. What I love in the US is that people are careful. They don’t insult someone they don’t know on the street, for no good reason , especially not for a pair of boots that they thought was ugly!!! Because people dress in many different ways in the US, and I don’t think that’s only for big cities, people don’t really notice clothes, unless they like them. I have gotten only compliments on certain clothes in the US. As in Switzerhell if they like the clothes you’re wearing, they will not say anything but envy you, sometimes hate you. If they don’t like your clothes, they will let you know by staring while laughing at least.

　

In 2008, one of the Kadhafi sons, Hannibal, was arrested in a Geneva hotel, because two of his employees a man and a woman, had claimed that they were beaten and mistreated by their boss and his wife, in their hotel suite in Switzerland. The house employees probably heard from someone that they could file a complaint and the Swiss would arrest the “bad” foreigners who beat people up in hotel rooms, which the Swiss never do when the “bad” foreigners are wealthy. The police arrested the Kadhafi couple, not knowing who they were exactly… Well they got their passports and saw the names but the idiot cops without any knowledge didn’t know really who they were arresting! So they treated the young couple like crap and they thought they were doing their jobs, plus they probably thought what a reward they would get for an international exposure of a country that protects the “poor” employees, even if they are foreigners. The Kadhafi couple stayed at a decent hotel but wore pretty casual clothing, so that the cops, hung up on “image” thought they were a not so wealthy Arab couple. The cops were enjoying slapping them around and thought that they would get recognition from their superiors for catching a big unimportant fish. The fish turned out to be not only important, but critical. As soon as their “superior” found out that they had arrested Mister Kadhafi’s son…. I could only imagine the turmoil at the cop station! So they decided to go along with their little scam publicly and announced to the Press that in Switzerhell everyone was treated the same! Hahaha… Lol, caca boo! They thought their little booboo could be used in their advantage. Well it seems Libya is pretty upset and is boycotting Switzerhell, and even advising the Swiss to leave Libya. When you know how many rich criminals live peacefully in Switzerhell ( of course most Swiss people will deny that), this mistake that they decided to use to tell the world that human rights are respected in Switzerhell, came as a big joke. Hannibal said the police put a plastic bag on his face and held a gun to his head. Of course he is saying the truth because Swiss cops do that, but the Swiss want to insist on the fact that they are better, and the chief of police went on TV to deny what Hannibal said about happened to him and his wife at the police station. He said that they never did, nor do such things! At least if they knew how to lie, to act, but no he looked ridiculous, like a child who was told to lie.

Hypocrisy should be Switzerhell’s surname:

Apartment buildings have supers in the US. The equivalence in Switzerhell is what they call: concierges ( trust me it has nothing to do with the qualities of a hotel concierge). You know concierges at the hotel right? It’s pretty fancy, and the service they give is pretty amazing sometimes. Well, on the contrary, the Swiss concierges are of the worst breed of service. They get a high-five for hypocrisy. They pretend to be nice in the beginning when you move in, and they do it so well, they are well trained after all, that you believe them. You so want to be welcome that you think, woao this one could be different. No matter how many times you move, you always say that within the first month. Then, you have the ones who immediately go into your apartment when you’re not there, to see what’s in there. I never had any real valuables so I never had anything but important papers stolen. Some go in just because they can, they have the pass so they use it. If the neighbor happens to see him or her and ask why they went in, they have a zillion excuses all made up, ready to come out of their mouth. Then you have the ones who go into your mailbox and check your mail or take it if they’re onto something like scaring you for some reason, or framing you or someone else. Then you have the ones who put oil in front of your door to make you slip, or slash your car tire if you’re parked in the wrong spot. They have all the time in the world to think of crappy things to do to you. I can’t even remember all the stuff they did to me, let alone come up with the stuff they do to other people. Obviously the ones we hate the least are the ones who only talk crap behind your back! But unfortunately those harmless ones don’t exist anymore! Those were the good old days. I wonder if when one applies for a concierge job, one has to pass some hypocrite-scum-bag test to get the job! Otherwise they must go through some hypocrite-son-of-a-concierge training, I’m sure. Some Swiss have all the qualifications to be a concierge and they’re not. That makes it harder to walk into someone’s apartment and find a good excuse if someone sees them. The thing with the Swiss, they can waste so much time talking BS that they can persuade the incredulous that their visit was nothing but a helpful and friendly visit! I personally hate spending time talking to those people, so I know when someone walks into an apartment that doesn’t belong to them, it’s not a friendly visit. They’re either the concierge or someone who scammed a way to get the key from the concierge or someone else. Identity theft hasn’t happened to me yet, and maybe because I have become a loud barking-biting dog myself, a woman would think twice about stealing my identity. And she would be right. Living in Switzerhell is for me an ordeal. I cannot ignore the filth of these people and not care, live in a bubble. Well especially that I have dogs and I have to go on the streets, but even if I didn’t have the dogs, I wouldn’t be able to ignore that crappy society. I wouldn’t know that much about it if I didn’t have dogs to show me the true nature of these scumbags. In Switzerhell I trust that 30% of the population is half-decent and that includes mostly foreigners and a few scared religious Swiss. Yes it’s sad and it’s not pretty. The worst part for me is that all other countries don’t know any of that, because the country spends so much money on its image, marketing and selling goodness… That makes me vomit. There are countries of which people have told me where life is uncomfortable and people are hypocrites, liars, thieves and criminals. Well at least those countries are “known” for all that. In those countries, life is usually tough money-wise. You thing there is no crime in Switzerhell? Until your daughter gets kidnapped and the cops who are well trained to lie, tell you that your daughter is the only girl who has been kidnapped in 30 years in that village…..right…. And most newly-arrived foreigners will believe them. There’s crime and there’s that filthy everyday life hypocrisy combined with zero minus zero fun, which makes living in that society yucky-yuck-yuck!! I wish there was a way for me to describe how disgusting it is to live in Switzerhell, a country where salaries are not bad, where the cities are not too big, where the quality of life could be great if if you’d replace the Swiss with Americans, Canadians, Indians, South Americans, Africans, and hell, even Italians!

Some say: Only in Switzerhell will you loose your hat in the forest and go there the next day and find it, either on the floor, or someone will have hung it on a tree branch. True, if it’s an ugly cheap hat, you’ll find it the next day. Someone probably pissed on it, but it will be there. It used to be a crime and a sin to steal. Stealing other people’s stuff is more fun when it’s in their house! Because burglaries happen more and more. They are still a number of Swiss who refuse to admit that their house could be robbed. Some Swiss are so in denial of their reality that they don’t find it useful putting a double lock on their door, or even locking their front door when they’re in the house. But indeed thieves go for the big expensive stuff. Swiss people used to learn not to steal other people’s belongings back in the 50′s. And some could say the Swiss are pretty good with that in public. The Swiss are not skilled nor fast enough to steal when other people are around. Well in the past, and still for some, people used to be paranoid about the fact that there is always someone watching them. You know that the Swiss spend their lives watching their neighbors’ actions, so lots of people still think there is always someone watching somewhere even if you can’t see them. Yes, your neighbors are watching you and everyone else on the street, ready to call the cops if you parked illegally or hit another car slightly while trying to park or get out of your parking spot. They won’t call the cops if they see murder because that’s too scary. All of a sudden, they disappear from their windows, but the Swiss are always there to make sure people around them aren’t getting away with little s***! Petty crime, that is. So stealing a piece of clothing is such a small crime that people won’t risk being seen or caught for that. But they themselves will take pride in the fact that they don’t steal small useful clothing or objects. They will go abroad, even in France, right next door, and will experience having their purse stolen in public or even a scarf, a jacket. They will come back and tell all their friends what a lame people the French are because they steal everything. The Swiss backstab people on a regular basis, whether physically or verbally, which is to me a lot worse than stealing a hat if you need it, like some French do. It is annoying to the person that got her or his hat stolen but it is not a crime. The worse thing is that when the Swiss do steal, whether it is small items or bigger ones, they do it to annoy the person they stole from, not to use the object or sell it. They wouldn’t know where to sell it anyway. I had a great hat stolen in France once, a hat that my mother had had for a long time. It was a certain style, something that I couldn’t find in the stores. I loved that hat. Well I lost it on a dog walk in the winter, and I can bet on the fact that somewhere there is a girl or a guy wearing that hat. As in Switzerhell, I have had my mail stolen, and I can assure you that no one is wearing it….

The Swiss pride themselves on two things: Not stealing, and being polite. Everyone has to say: thank you, good bye, have a nice day/ night/ or whatever. If you miss one of the three, you are not polite and must be from out of the country! And the next opportunity that they have to remind you that you’re not polite because you missed one of the three, they’ll tell you : you foreigner, go home! ( they often tell me that because my accent is more French than Swiss), or they’ll slash your tire because you parked in the wrong spot and won’t feel the need to tell you, since you were not polite!! The Swiss will develop a viciousness against you if you were not polite ( and I am not talking about saying something nasty to them, but just not saying enough of the usual crap they’re used to hearing) or if you stole a small thing that you might have been in need of. They’ll open their mouth if you’re a woman, and you’ll hear the viciousness in their comments and insults, or they’ll backstab you if you’re a man or a woman: steal your mail, wake you up at night, call you and hang up ( yes they still do that as adults), scratch your car, break your window, and more. It goes from little things to bigger things. And since they have nothing going on in their lives, you may think they’re done with you after they slashed your tire, but no, they’ll come back two years later because they don’t like the fact that you got a new car or that life is good to you in any kind of way.

Living among Swiss again as an adult and taking their crap, seeing them making my life miserable in every way they can, just because of small things like having a dog of a certain breed that they don’t like, or driving with sun glasses when it’s not sunny, etc. They have made me pay for little things like that, and they have made me pay in bigger ways, that I have grown a hatred that could make me not backstab them, like they expect, but make me want to wait for the right time and kill them not from the back, but face to face!

Swiss tourism is attracted by this old image that the Swiss tourist organization is maintaining. Europeans still come to Switzerhell on vacation because Switzerhell holds more money than their country and they like that feeling. They somehow think that by coming near all that money from all over the world, they will get some. It’s also old fashioned and people are weirdly old fashioned. The stupidity of the Swiss attracts other Europeans who are curious and like to go home and talk about the Swiss by making fun of them, while at the same time having had a clean peaceful ( no one plays music anywhere except in concerts) vacation, even though they expected the service at the hotel to be better…it’s always true. Truth is the word is getting out that Switzerland sucks, and is full of filthy people, that tourism is actually going down . The Swiss tourism organizations attract people with money with lowering the tax rates for multinationals to have their headquarters in Switzerland. More and more companies are coming to Switzerhell for that reason. Their workers are forced to come live there. No one will ever say Switzerland has a bad image that they would refuse to move there to work. So those companies bring in a lot of working people who are from all over the world, who at first come there to enjoy life and soon realize that the Swiss are there to destroy life’s little pleasures and leave them with the hope to go back home soon. The thing is they signed a work contract for a while and the salaries are good so they stay but they stay frustrated, and start talking crap about the Swiss at home when really they don’t know half of the reason why the Swiss are scum and don’t know the depth of it. When these foreigners who work there get frustrated by the Swiss, they get in their car and go on Swiss tourism trip that is as beautiful as they saw on the brochure ( and as beautiful as any nature trips on the planet), and automatically feel better. And then they go back to work, and they’re feeling great for a month or two, until an event with a Swiss happens where they can’t take it anymore that they go to the police and then see that the police don’t really want to help them. Then they ask around to find out if anything like that ever happened to anyone. Of course it did. And then they start badmouthing the Swiss while staying in Switzerhell, and living more and more in their bubbles. As men, they can do that and be left alone for a while.

I am not one who hates cops in general. Men or women who decide to become cops should have strong convictions about making the world a better place, and if not the world, at least their town. There are many cops, in the US and Canada, I know, who are doing their best to do their job right. But in Switzerhell, there has yet to be one cop that I see and talk to who could prove to be a good cop. Some young Swiss cops who are just starting, are trying to just do their job. I can see how they are manipulated by the old ones into doing things that these young dudes are shocked to see and learn. Since cops run around in pairs, they always pair a young one and an old one. Young punks are shocked yet smiling at the thought of how much crap they can get away with. Some will tell you that ‘s not written in the handbook! There are few petty crimes in Switzerhell that cops will see and bother with unless the doer is a woman or a weak poor foreigner. There are special departments for “big crimes” that no regular cop is allowed to get into. Well whether it’s the system or the cops themselves, Swiss cops are the mirror of that despicable country. I have heard plenty of stories, bits and pieces from various kinds of people. As a child, I remember my dad being scared when people from a sect ( the real estate agency has told us that our apartment had been rented out to some kind of sect or cult, before us ) would drive up to our house ( we lived in a house with two apartments, my parents were renting the one upstairs), they would get out of their van in their big loud boots and try to open our door with their old key. It was so scary. Luckily my parents had changed the lock. My father just told me they were a sect, a group and that I should never talk to them and should stay away from them. He said we had changed the locks so they shouldn’t be able to get in. They only tried to come in about three times. I never understood why they came a second and third time, after they saw that their key didn’t work. I was 6, and I never knew why my father never called the police. I have asked my mother later on but she is not a big talker about the past, she likes to skip that subject. She says she doesn’t remember.

When my mother and I lived alone , we used to have these men ring our doorbells at night. Again, she never told me much about that either. When they used to ring , she used to tell me not to open the door, to stay away from the door or stay in my room. She would never open. I was scared when they were there behind the door but since my mother told me to forget about it, I did. It didn’t happen every night, and since they would always go away after a while, I didn’t worry about it that much, at least consciously. Again, she never called the cops, no idea why at the time. Knowing that back then people used to call the cops for little things and they used to come, to participate in the harassment or the beating up. I now know that my mother didn’t call the cops because cops are always more dangerous than 2 or 3 dudes ringing the doorbell and hanging out behind our door. As an adult living alone, I now know that calling the cops if you’re a woman, you’re taking the risk of having them harass you more than them helping you unless you’re bleeding to death… then they’ll call the ambulance, they won’t deal with it. My mother was and is Swiss in the way that she knows to better shut up, ignore things, forget about things than call for attention, which in any case won’t help. Then we moved to a rabbit cage ( I call those houses that look the same and are attached to each other). It was actually a step up for us. We had a small piece of grass of our own, in the front and in the back. Frankly, the inside was pretty big for my mother and me. A lot of those houses were inhabited by families of 4 or 5. There were 4 rooms upstairs, small rooms but still 4! It was the biggest place I had ever lived in. There, we didn’t have our doorbell rung by neighborhood dudes, but we were harassed by that cop whose son had raped one of my girlfriends. That cop would

Then, my mother got dirty phone calls from that cop’s son. Yes she was getting a lot of these phone calls and she talked to two or three women of the neighborhood and they all confirmed it was the cop’s son. Even three women, and they knew that they couldn’t go to the police station because nothing would be done anyway. I am not sure one woman didn’t try to go talk to the cops. It was only phone calls and they had to take it, or just hang up… Until I took the phone one day, I was 14 and had heard of a lot of sexual things that I wouldn’t be scared of a little breathing, but this guy had a level of violence and dirtiness that I never had been exposed to. When I picked up the phone I listened and I remember being so shocked I couldn’t move. I now understand what they mean by ” paralyzing fear”. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t move. I remember thinking I have to do something. I finally hung up. I still couldn’t move. I thought to call the cop next door… I didn’t know it was his son who had just called, probably from his house! I took the phone book and tried to turn the pages. I was still paralyzed, I couldn’t turn the pages. I remember thinking: “Turn the pages, faster!” I was unable to do it fast. When I finally got to the right page, I dialed the number, trembling. He came to the door, rang the bell, I opened, explained a bit about the phone call without going into details. He told me it was just a phone call, told me not to worry, it was over…

When I had my first boyfriend, he would stop him when he was riding his moped ( old thing that looked like a big bicycle with a motor which didn’t go very fast). My boyfriend didn’t do anything wrong. You know how cops stop people they don’t like, just to mess with them. In Switzerhell one can’t drive a car before one is 18. So we used to have mopeds. I was always really careful not to get that asshole cop’s attention. I was riding really slowly around the houses.

In the center of Geneva, a year ago, I saw cops beating up young African guys. The dudes weren’t even resisting arrest or fighting back. They were beating them and asking them for information. People were walking by, not saying a word. I have asked people in Geneva, they say it happens a lot. They beat up poor guys, like foreigners, drug dealers, or poor Swiss. The cops beat them up and most of the time let them go after. I have heard from old established Swiss that there is no space for all those criminals in jails or police stations. That’s why if they don’t beat them up, they don’t arrest them, they just let them run the streets and deal in public. The guys don’t even hide to deal. I got a 200$ ticket for not having put a muzzle on my dog, but drug dealers can deal all day without hiding. Prostitutes can be all over the

streets ( not that I have anything against prostitutes but I have something against their clients!). By Swiss law, they are illegal but if registered, they are tolerated. It makes zero sense. The only sense it makes to the Swiss is that they know all prostitutes and can go ask for money or free favors when they feel like it. Prostitutes attract scum as it is. There is enough scum running around in Switzerhell. Geneva and Zurich have prostitutes from all over Europe and the world. There is a lot of money there, so many of them come to settle there, immigrate where all the dirty money flows. What they have to realize is that they might make a lot of money if they are loved by the rich scumbags of Switzerhell, but also, if a prostitute is killed, no one ever hears about it. A year ago, there was an article in the paper about a prostitute, which is rare, since Switzerhell sometimes pretends it has no prostitutes… The article said that a prostitute had punched a guy, and she of course got arrested.

　

When I was 26, I lived in Paris for 6 months. I worked as a receptionist at a language school and one of the women who worked there brought her puppy one day. He was the cutest thing I had seen ever. I then got my first dog, a similar puppy three weeks later. I then went home to my mother’s house for a vacation and as we were walking along the path from my mother’s house to the car, the cop’s dogs, 2 Belgium Shepards, came charging on my little 9lbs puppy. My dog was a bit ahead of me so it took me 3 seconds to get there. His dogs had him in their mouths already. They were chewing and pulling on my dog as if he was a toy they wouldn’t share. I started screaming, after the idiot cop tried to call his dogs, the dogs ignoring him totally; they were busy eating my dog up! I screamed and grabbed my dog out of their mouth. First they wouldn’t let go and I screamed louder. I didn’t want to pull too hard and hurt my dog more than he was already. I needed these 2 dumb-heads( not their fault, they were raised by a cop that had half the brain cells that the dogs had) to let go of my dog. My super loud screaming scared the Swiss dogs, who had never heard someone scream this loud, and they finally let go. The Swiss do yell at their dogs a lot but that cop would beat them with a stick, for training…. Dogs that won training contests…. My puppy was crying, squeaking. I was shocked, I sat on the floor with him in my arms, and the crappy cop finally got a hold of his dogs, told them to ” stay” and came to ask me if I was ok, since I was just standing there, in shock with my dog in my arms. When he came near me, I felt a wave of negative little bubbles growing by the second. I looked at him with a very psychopathic look and told him to go away. It was my first time my baby had been attacked and I was more shocked than anything. His 2 Shepards had won about a dozen training contests. They were supposed to be perfectly trained, obedient and well behaved. Oh He forgot to socialize them! My dog was limping and bleeding, but we were “lucky”, he could have been torn apart if I hadn’t been there on time. His back knee has been weak all his life. I guess those 2 cops got our knees: my knee when the chief of police ran me over with his car, I never totally recovered. If I don’t work out and let my legs loose their muscles, I start feeling my knee because of that incident. And then my puppy got his back leg knee messed up by that other cop’s dogs. On the day of his attack, I of course, went to the police station after going to the vet, and told them about the attack on my dog. They laughed at me when I told them it was the cop’s dogs. You know how you remember certain laughs all your life. Well that was a laugh that I’ll never forget and I can use if I need to get angry. I’ll remember that laugh until the day I die. I think my hatred started that day. It could have started with the 2 dogs ( well they got to be wild one day in their lives, because most of the time they were not allowed to do anything fun ). I wasn’t hating the dogs, I was mad at them, mad at their owner a lot more, but the laugh of the cops who didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that a cop’s dogs had attacked my dog or who didn’t care at all. I insisted and told them he at least had to pay for the vet bill, and they laughed again! The dogs didn’t even work for the police, they were just the dogs of a cop, who happened to have “trained” ( using fear and sticks) his dogs and had won Swiss championships. The prick had golden cups ( obedience contests) on his living-room shelf ( I once had had to go in there to get a key). He was so proud. Nowadays he trains people on how to train their dogs. That shows you something about cops and something about the level of dog training that goes on in Switzerhell. In other words, low level and cruel. All training professionals in Switzerhell use violence on the dogs. I later went to shop for good dog trainer when I had gotten Shadow. I couldn’t find one. The one trainer who lots of people said was the best in that part of the country, was this guy who showed me, for free, how to train my dog to heel, to walk by my side. I wanted to see since that was a thing I was having a hard time teaching my dog. The guy took my dog on his leash, walked around, making all kinds of sharp turns, and pulling his head right to left close to his left knee, so that, he said, the dog know that his head had to be close to the person’s left knee. I couldn’t believe it. My dog was so nice, he let him pull him around. I got scared of that moron who was talking like he was the best trainer in the country. I said thank you, I took my dogs and got out of there as fast as possible.

When I got Shadow, I went to my mom’s house for a vacation once. He had never had anything to do with that cop, had never seen him, but he instinctively barked at him like crazy every time we would pass by him. Punk-cop thought he was barking at his dogs. Shiva might have “told” Shadow about his attack. Shadow was definitely barking at the cop and not at the dogs. Shadow had a sixth sense when it came to people. He has always been right about people, this dog! Always, no exception! Even when I thought someone was my friend, and Shadow would bark at him or her, I would think, this time he could be wrong. A month, a year later, things came up and that friend turned out to be a prick! Shadow was the kind of dog who bark at people when they would start yelling at their dog or beating their dog. He wouldn’t bark at grown-ups yelling at each other. He would bark at people yelling at their child. He was that kind of dog. He didn’t deserve to live in such a scum country as Switzerhell. We had some good times in the US and in France but most of his life was spent in Switzerhell. I so often dreamt of winning the Lotto to be able to buy a house outside of Switzerhell for my dogs and me, especially for Shadow who was so hated in Switzerhell, and who had to see me upset because of those people, so many times. I could explain to everyone how the Swiss are scum, how they’re not what their image says they are, how hypocritical and evil they are. However the fact that they hurt my dog Shadow, and also through that, Shiva, has created a deep hatred in me that will always hurt when I think about it. The fact that so many ignorant foreigners still try to immigrate to Switzerhell because they think it is a land of peace, makes me not sick, but ill.

Switzerland is a land of refuge for many, those who have a lot of money on one side, and the poor who come to work because they can’t find decent work in their own countries. It’s not much different than France or Germany as far as coming to find work, except one little detail: The rich criminals are welcome in Switzerhell, as they wouldn’t be in France , Germany, Spain or Italy. Money comes in, the Swiss look the other way. It must be the amount of staring they do on people like me, a single woman who seems to be a bit different and they don’t like it, that gives them the need to ease up on staring on the rich! Or is it a law that I am unaware of: Don’t stare at the rich, but on the poor and women, go all out, let loose! If I didn’t have dogs I would put a veil on like Muslim women. I , for my dogs, have to show my face so that my dogs get to at least play a few times with other dogs. I would cover myself up to the maximum if I was alone. The Swiss don’t stare at Muslim women, since they can’t see anything. They’ll look and hate but then look away. Many veiled women belong to rich Arab families, some of them very respectable families. However, there is a large amount of Muslims who we (people who want to ) know have connections with Al Qaeda or other organizations that Switzerhell doesn’t care about, or pretends not to. Remember after September 11th, there was a very friendly interview with one of the brother of Osama Ben Laden who lives in a very nice and quiet apartment in Geneva. The Swiss tv station “Télévision Suisse Romande” asked him questions for him to appear nice, normal, very educated and smart, and the questions were twisted in a way that at the end of the interview, we wondered: Is he really the brother of Osama? The interview was done in his apartment, where no one bothered him ever. When a mass murderer is on the run, don’t the police usually interrogate their family members like crazy? But dude is presumed innocent protected by the Swiss. The Swiss love him with all his money: They say he has nothing to do with what his brother did … The Swiss mess with people like me, a single woman with 2 dogs, because they can! It’s like in the primitive days, or in still primitive and violent countries ( not known as rich Switzerland..), where people pick on the weak, mess with people’s lives because they have nothing better to do and no education whatsoever. They don’t mess with terrorists because they’re scared. When they get scared, they stop messing with people. So I have taken their crap, year after year while terrorists, old mafia heads, new mafia heads, Swiss organized criminals, etc, etc, live in their comfortable homes, peacefully, protected by police and private security companies, and by the Swiss, who won’t go near their houses, out of courtesy…

There was a Sudanese journalist ( for Al Jaziira) held at Guantanamo prison for 6 years who just got out. Who welcomed him with open arms? Switzerhell! He was invited to all sorts of VIP dinners and gave a 5 minute interview ( again for the Télévision Suisse Romande), saying how he was tortured, sexually assaulted, psychologically manipulated, etc. He played the victim so badly, his lying was despicable. The Swiss probably believed him and felt sorry for him, since most people in Switzerhell don’t know half of the torture that goes on in the country. The poor man… But there is a But: if he has money, he can stay in the country, if he doesn’t , let’s kick him back to his country where he belongs!

An then there is Fahad, the poor guy from Iraq who helped Americans and therefore is in danger to be killed by the Iraqis who also hate him because he is a trader. Fahad played in a movie made by a Swiss guy about his story in Iraq. The guy fled to Greece, then to Sweden, where he was refused a visa, so he tried Switzerhell. After the shooting of the film, the Swiss deported Fahad. At the airport, Fahad screamed like crazy and some people ( who knew him from the film) came to his rescue with lawyers. The Swiss not knowing how to deal with the Swiss media who rarely choose to film the truth, were in an embarrassing position, and decided to send Fahad to another canton, from Geneva to Zurich, so that they could deal with the situation. In Zurich the decision was also to deport him. The lawyers and TV were there again and Fahad is still in Switzerland…Waow, truth and fairness comes out and the Swiss are lost, panic, don’t know what to do, loose all their authority, and change their mind again and again about deporting someone… All the Africans and others who are deported every day from Geneva and Zurich don’t get TV and lawyers ; they are put on planes going back to their home land whether they scream or not.

　

　

　

　

I am Swiss. HELP! (chapter5)

The last time I came back to Europe was for good since I realized it was impossible to stay illegally in the US and I had no more option for getting visas. I was broke and with a little incentive from my mother who said she was going to invest in buying a small house. She said she would get one with some land for the dogs so that I could move in, pay her rent. At least I wouldn’t have any problem getting a place with my 2 dogs. Many landlords don’t want dogs, or will choose someone who doesn’t have any, or maybe one… In 2005, me and the dogs took the plane back to Europe after a year in New York. We were not happy to do it, but I thought that if I stayed in the US, I would have to get married, maybe to someone I wasn’t fully in love with, a boyfriend who would help me out. Those situations never end up great. And unless I married a rich man, with which I have never been lucky by the way ( finding a rich man), I would never be able to live in a place with a garden or a piece of land of my own. I decided to come home, one more time…Probably the last time since I planned to stay for good. I wasn’t going to put my dog in cargo a third time. It was a sad thought but I had the biggest expectations about Switzerhell not being so bad even if I had lived filthy events because of the breed of my dog a year earlier. Actually a year earlier I had hoped going to the US was for good. I have too many expectations all the time. My mother had told me when I was little that I was a dreamer and that dreams don’t come true. I had to be practical and be realistic. I was still my own positive very hopeful self, but maybe my mothers’ words were glued into my unconscious more than I ever thought was possible. Coming back to Switzerhell for good was probably the biggest mistake of my life. As much as I had sworn to myself a year earlier I was not going to come back, I was not doing well financially. I had baby-sat in New York for a very rich family, who took my help for granted, like most wealthy families all over the world who pay their nannies minimum wage to take care of the most precious things they got in their lives. So I believed my mother and her proposal to buy a house. Anyway I didn’t seem to be able to make the right decisions to get us to stay in the US. I thought I could get a decent job in Switzerhell because it was my country of birth and of residence. I thought I could get a job right away. I thought that in my country of birth, I could get a job whenever I wanted if I was willing to take any kind of job, even one for which I was unqualified. Little did I remember about the country. I didn’t remember that in Switzerhell one can’t get a job in a different field than their own. One gets an education in a field and one sticks to it. Well, I couldn’t even get a job in a field I had always worked in, health clubs. Most of my experience was in the US and the Swiss don’t like someone who doesn’t have massive experience in Switzerhell. Well they don’t like people who have lived abroad for so long either. I also hadn’t thought things through about the dogs and the garden: Of course I wasn’t thinking about the fact that I wouldn’t be able to leave the dogs to run around freely in the garden because stupid Swiss poison dogs all over the place. I was thinking about my dogs having their own land finally, not having to hold their pee ever again, me not having to go somewhere in the forest or in a field with them for them to have some sun and grass! The idea was appealing. Truth is in Switzerhell a single woman can’t leave her dogs outside in a fenced area. As long as she is around she can be there to handle all the Schmucks who insult the dogs when they bark at people passing by the fence. So I did get on that plane again, with my big dog in cargo, by himself… I could kick myself. When I got him at Geneva airport, he was out of breath. There was blood on the plastic of the cage, near the holes on the side. He either was in pain and tried to bite the plastic to break the cage, or someone somewhere had bugged him with an object through the cage holes. I know my dog. He wouldn’t like people bugging him when he was in small confined space or on a tight leash, without me around. I should have fought harder to stay in the US , not to have to put this dog throught he ordeal of cargo again! I flew a European airline and had asked them if I could get on a flight where there would be another dog in cargo. I knew it would help mine to endure the pain if there was another dog there. They promised there was a dog on that flight. Well they lied. On the contrary, when we left, a year and a half earlier and arrived in New York, he was calm. In Geneva when I got him, he looked unwell but ok, alive and in one piece. 2 days later, he had an ear infection that lasted quite a long time. I saw that he was sick because in the morning I saw him getting up and then falling, over and over. It freaked me out so badly. He had no more balance. The vet said it was probably an ear infection from the flight. I gave him antibiotics for a week and a half. Then he was still unwell. I went to Paris to see the vet that I trusted a bit more than the Swiss. We had to double the antibiotics, and we ( the vet and I) even thought it might be something worse. I went to a special clinic to get a brain scan. But then it turned out ok, he was fine. Thank God!

When I got to Switzerhell, I had to stay with my mother, I didn’t have a home anymore and short term housing is quite pricy. The problem was my mother didn’t live in her house anymore, she had sold it and bought an apartment with her girlfriend. Yes she had also become a lesbian. She loved men. She, for a long time, used to make me feel ashamed of her, because of the way she would behave in public, at parties, town festivities, art exhibitions, when she was drunk. She would flirt with men when she drank, in a way that made me feel bad for her and didn’t make me very proud of her. It at least showed me something I later never wanted to do. I hardly ever drink and I don’t overtly flirt with men. It maybe why I don’t get a lot of men. I like confident men who come up to me without having to give them a green light. In Europe, those kind are the stupid sexist kind, in other words all men. In the US, I might have missed a few good men by not showing interest when I was interested. I’ll go up to guy to talk to him anytime but for a man I would be attracted to, I would loose the attraction if I have to be the one to talk to him first. I understand that for a woman in Switzerhell, it is not easy to find a good man. They are extremely rare and given my mother’s age, it didn’t help. She only flirted when she was drunk. When she sober she wouldn’t even consider taking steps to meet someone. So she became a lesbian. The reason it bothered me was I knew she liked men. I think my mother couldn’t find a man for herself so a woman came along and she went for that. She does what she wants but since that girlfriend of hers is Swiss, she is sick in the head. She showed me on a few occasions that she feels some kind of jealously towards me. She is jealous that I can have my mother’s attention here and there! I frankly can’t understand that people like that exist : I am hardly around, mostly in the US, and there I was came back to Switzerland, with no place to stay, no money left at all. My mother said I could stay with them for a month or two. She said she would have bought a house by then. She supposedly had been looking for a house before already. Well after a week, the girlfriend was starting to play games to drive me nuts, to keep me from being able to get a job. She turned off the phone. I missed a call from a place I had applied to in a city an hour away, I had taken the train to go there and there, they told me they tried to call me to cancel the day before but there was no machine or answer. The position had been filled. I missed other calls, because I was applying everywhere, hoping to get a job right away. If you don’t have an answering machine when you look for a job… I wasn’t supposed to touch the answering machine! Of course since the girlfriend turned it off every day. She played games and have fits and cry in front of my mother so that she would feel sorry for her and kick me out. It worked. I don’t even want to compete with stupidity. She would cry and say that I would tourment their life and habits. This is a woman who is older than my mother…When I say that the Swiss are mentally ill, I am being nice. This woman functions well in society. She had been a school teacher for all her life. These Swiss people are very ill but they manage to keep a reputation in society, even is once or twice they show signs in public. When I stayed with them, my dogs were allowed only in the room I was sleeping in, not in the living room, hardly the hallway to get from outside to the room…. because of the dog hair and the dirt they didn’t want to have to clean up and didn’t trust I would clean up.

I dared raise my voice that one day I was upset because I was jobless, homeless, and these two were doing everything not to help. Oh they were feeding me, right I had to thank them for that! So like I said I raised my voice, didn’t not insult them, just raised my voice. They threw me out. Well I didn’t know where to go, so I went to stay with a girl I knew in Paris, so to Paris we went. After I had sent hundreds of cv’s in Switzerhell… In Paris I also had to find a job quick since I had very little money. My mother did feel bad so she gave me a bit of money for food for about a month. A week later, I found an ad about a family that needed an aupair in France right outside Geneva. It was a single mother with 2 kids who lived in a house. She didn’t mind about the dogs because she thought it would be extra security to have a big dog. My mom had told me I was going to have a small house with a garden and here I was, aupair in France, cleaning people’s s***, working for a fat single mother, not very smart, with a Swiss boyfriend who was taking advantage of her and she didn’t see jack, two lost kids who are bound to end up messed up in their heads. Their parents would talk bad about each other, they weren’t talking. The father used to come to pick up the children, he would wait in the car at the end of the road, because the bitch I was working for had attacked his new girlfriend. Well her story was that the new girlfriend had attacked her but I later found out the truth. She also later attacked me, thinking i would fight back so she could call the cops, because who would they believe, the fat weak lady with her 2 children, or the younger babysitter with a bad attitude ( the neighbors would say I didn’t talk much…) and a mean-looking dog… So I was living in the basement of that whore’s house. well she wanted to be a whore, she tried to make her boyfriend jealous but she couldn’t find a man to do it with… I was living in a room next to the garage, where the boyfriend would drive his scooter into and we would get tons of gas fumes in the room every night and every morning. Yes he was almost living there, he would come at night to eat and fuck and leave in the morning… My room didn’t have real windows, just small high top windows that I could open at a 20° angle. Not much air, but hey, it was a job or sort of… I was getting room and board and a tiny salary I used to have to remind her to give me every week ( I hate doing that). I used to clean in the morning. She wanted me to dust her living-room shelves with tons of breakable things on top that I had to be very careful of because they were gifts or something I don’t remember. I just remember dusting the crap every day while wanting to throw the stuff against the wall everyday. I had to cook for the kids and me at lunch. She used to buy cheap foods not good for any of us. I don’t know if she was cheap or stupid. Her kids were not eating healthy. I told her I didn’t mind cooking vegetables, washing them or even making salads, but the kids were used to crummy stuff like frozen potato meals and sometimes we would get a hamburger meat or a piece of frozen chicken… It was gross. I was doing my best to get used to it. I would buy fruit on my own to get some healthy stuff in my system.

Maybe I am used to getting close to disgusting people, as I believe my mother is at times. She is not worse than other Swiss. When I tell people I don’t love my mother, it’s I don’t love how she was with me. I love her as a mother without a personality. But when I think of just 3 things she told me in my life. When I was around 24, I came back to Switzerhell because my mother offered to go on vacation with me. Anyway, when I was 24, she offered to take me on vacation in Senegal. I had wanted to go to Senegal for years. I had Senegalese friends in the US. So my mother and I went to Senegal on a tour and then a week at a hotel. On the tour, we met some Europeans, so my mother was in a great mood. I was too, I loved seeing different parts of that country. Then at the end of the tour ( in a van the tour was), we got to a nice hotel ( the hotels during the tour weren’t that nice). The first night we got there, I heard some drums from the window of the hotel. I said let’s go and see. My mother was not thrilled but we went. It was some event on the beach with a lot of Senegalese people and few Europeans. I was excited because they were dancing Sabar, which is my favorite dance from Senegal. So I joined the circle. Some dancers were guys dressed as women and it was very funny. This dance is high energy and I was feeling it. My mother stayed a bit in the back. I don’t remember if I danced a lot or not but it felt like I did because at the end of this celebration, I was tired. So we went back to the hotel. We took showers and we had dinner waiting for us downstairs, but I was really tired and actually I felt good, at peace. I told my mother I didn’t feel like going to dinner, that she could go ahead. She got really upset because she said she came with me to that dance thing and I should go to dinner with her. In her way she may have been right, but I was just tired and didn’t feel like dressing up and going downstairs. She got really upset about that one little thing and I guess she really didn’t like going to dinner by herself because in an evil Swiss-mode speech, she screamed viciously: “You are going to regret this for the rest of your life!!” I didn’t know where this came from, I was shocked. Now I don’t even remember if I went to dinner or not, but that sentence and the way she said it was so vicious. I know now what they mean by repressed anger. At least I’ll never have that, because I always get angry about things as they happen, and then cool down really fast. But that was a shocking thing so say for the fact that I just didn’t want to go to dinner. She could have screamed at me a bit, that I was unfair or something, but that was big for me. I still think it was hiding some anger she had against me for other things which I don’t know what they are. When viciousness comes out of the blue from parents, or even loved ones, it’s shocking and you don’t forget those words.

Another time when I came back to Switzerhell and was planning to stay, I was looking for a job, life was dull as usual in Switzerland, I once said to my mother: “I feel like my life might be over, I feel like I have lived a lot of things, good and bad, and that maybe my life is ending”. It’s just a feeling I had. Every time I come back from the US, I have a down-period where I am blue and sad. So my mother was there, listening to what I was saying and she clearly said: ” Maybe you are right. If you feel that your life is over, maybe it is.” Is any sane mother going to say that to their own child when the child is like 26 years old? She said it with a smile too, as if it was really possible and there was nothing wrong with it.

One time I came back home from the US when I was at university, I came back for the holidays. My mother took me to this psychic woman she said she would to a lot, who had told her that my father was with me but he was taking ( or stealing) a lot of my energy. This woman was some kind of psychic-I-talk-to the-dead-and I know-everything kind of money scam-er. My mother liked her. My mother was so lonely, she would liked anyone who told her nice things about her self. Swiss women get really lonely when they’re alone because they are not “trained” to be alone, and need someone to share their life at all times. So we went to the witch lady. I didn’t really want her to take my father away, if it was true that he was with me. I never felt the lack of energy….So when I got there, she took me to this room, she does everything to impress and scare you. Then she said she told my father to go, to give me my space…. Then my mother went and talked to her. I am not sure what they talked about, but on the way back, she told me in the car that she had said something about me to her. My mother said the witch said I was going to have a hard time living (it’s the translation from French: avoir du mal à vivre). It basically meant that my life was going to be a bitch! or that I could never get my life together, that I was never going to be able to let happiness into my life. First of all, what a great thing to say…Even if the stupid witch felt it ( I really think the bitch couldn’t feel me, figure me out, I was too complex for her). And then for my mother to tell me that, after telling me she believed that woman had special powers to see into things and lives…Again you have got to love my mother for telling me that I was oing to have a sucky life. I was young, not established, not stable. That stayed with me for a long time. especially the fact that my mother would tell me, instead of keeping that comment to herself. This is how Swiss people are not uncomfortable with themselves that they want to see others suffer. My mother never wanted me to be happy. It my not be her fault. She is messed up, she never had the right kind of help. She still managed to have a stable life ( in appearance), with a good job, friends. I can’t hate her that much anymore when I know that it’s a Swiss thing. People have repressed anger and want others to fail so they can feel better about themselves. The Swiss give money to charities around the world just to thank the fact that there are people suffering really badly in the world, people who have it worse than them. Because in their beautiful villas, they can’t find happiness, they can’t love themselves. They are miserable rich fucks who get relief from seeing that other people in the world are suffering.

Now in 2009, my mother says that her favorite witch had told me that my life would be miserable. In my misery I am probably healthier and happier than my mother and that witch combined! I am a happy person inside even if emotionally unstable and getting very upset over certain things. But really I have this inside happiness. It’s maybe why I keep this silly hope for big things when I have nothing. But when is someone going to tell these Swiss people that if you tell children their life is going to be just fine, or even great, it could actually help them?

In Switzerhell people spend a lot more money on psychics ( or should I say shmucks) than on psychologists or psychiatrists. That is a sign of primitive peoples….The Swiss also love to spend money on religious artifacts and protective statues. They give money to whatever sect or church they belong to. A lot of African guys make so much money in Switzerhell pretending to be psychics. The Swiss are racist, but they somehow think that in Africa people still live according to the moon and stars and that there are “marabous” who have real powers. Their racism includes fear of course and some think that Africans are far away people who live in a different world and they believe some Africans have ancient powers. The Swiss will see an ad in the paper: ” African marabou will solve all your problems”. It clearly works.

When I came back to Europe and my mother kicked me out, I found that aupair position in France, next to Geneva, in that low-life woman’s house, I remember she told me she went to see an African psychic in Geneva. That lady was a scum: She was racist and went to see an African psychic. Her son was a teenager and starting to act like a scum himself. He had a black friend over at the house sometimes, and I thought the kid was a good friend of his because he would come over more often than others. One day I saw the stupid kid of the house act weird when I asked his black friend to stay for dinner. Then when he left, I asked the kid why he didn’t want his friend to stay for dinner. He said because he is not a very good friend of his. He said he didn’t like him that much. I then asked why would he invite him over all the time? He said that his other friend that he liked would always turn down his invitations. He also said he was black and he couldn’t have a black best friend! I said why not??? He said his mother told him that, once, and that she was right. These racist scumbags were poor French who were living on the father’s alimony. The house had been bought by the father as well. They couldn’t afford such a house. The mother of the 2 kids had been charged with assault on the new wife of the husband, I later found out. When the father would come to get the kids, he would drive to the beginning of the street and wait there. The kids only had to walk a hundred meters. She told me , when I got there, that his new wife has attacked her, and that she was the one who told her husband not to come to the front of the house. That was a big fat lie. Basically I was cleaning the house of a low-life idiot. I would then prefer working for the wealthy family in Manhattan, since they both paid minimum salary anyway.

That French lady I worked for stole 2 cds of mine. I couldn’t believe the scum: you have an aupair and you steal cd out of her stuff? These people have no fear and no shame! She like every other Swiss, was lucky that I had my dogs, something to stay out of jail for. I am not the kind of person who lets things go. I guess that’s the Italian in me. Not that I have any in me. But my father always thought we had some in us. He loved Italy. Just working for this woman was painful. She was stupid , uneducated, plus dumb and ugly. I don’t judge people but I feel what I feel. She would talk to me about her personal problems and expect me to find answers or help her. I was the aupair! Poor kids, I disliked them only because they were hers. I had to do their beds, clean their house, touch their dirty clothes, do laundry, iron. The b**** had the guts to complain about my ironing! This job grossed me out, it was unproductive to my life. I knew it was not for long so I hung on. I should have left right away. But the thing was I wanted to find a job in Geneva and I was close enough to do it there. I had worked for a rich family in NYC, and even if they were not the best people ever, they were quite pleasant to work for. And working for that French whore was so much more disgusting and degrading than to be a nanny-servant to a rich family in NYC.

Shadow did something right in that French family in the very beginning when we just got there. Once the door was open to the area where the children’s Guinea pigs were. There was one in each cage. One cage was open at the top. Shadow went up and decided to play with the animal… I was somewhere in the house with the whore. She was explaining something to me, how to clean something or what not. So we went back down and saw Shadow looking at the other Guinea pig in the closed cage. And then we saw the other one dead on the floor. I don’t like seeing animals dead. It broke my heart for a minute to see that little thing dead, but there was no blood. He must have just played with it and the animal died of fear. Shadow was so gentle. He could have as a predator would have the instinct to do, chewed on it and have cut the little animal in pieces, but no blood at all, no cuts on the animal. My big boy just wanted to play, and the little thing didn’t want to play! Anyway I am so against the whole concept of kids getting those animals to play with and to keep in small cages, because kids play with them for a while and then they forget about them. As the matter of fact, I was the one who took care of the Guinea pig that was still alive. The lady never told me to take care of it, because she said it was the kids’ responsibility. Well every day, I saw the water holder empty until the end of the day. The cage would never get cleaned. It was disgusting. The sad part is that I know that it happens like that in many families. I can’t stand it. So of course I took care of the animal. When I left, I am sure that it was ignored and suffering again. I am not a fan of humans, but I have a weakness for evolved higher societies like the US and Canada. Switzerhell has too much money compared to its people’s level of awareness.

So I left that filthy house. My dogs deserved better. Renting a cold room in an old mansion was my next step. But the dogs had little friends to play with which was fun for them, without stupid humans’ intervening in a negative way. That was a treat. I thought life was getting better. No heat but everything else! I started working in Geneva and everything was moving along. I thought I might win the Euromillions with all those positive vibes coming towards me. Well I didn’t.. Getting an apartment in the Geneva area is close to impossible unless you agree to overpay. I mean NYC rent is expensive but it’s Manhattan, it’s not the best place in the world but it’s a fun city. Geneva? Besides the 2 separate worlds of diplomats and moron Swiss, I am not sure what is worse. Geneva is the city whose people ( mostly Swiss) voted to have 13 breeds of dogs to be constricted to wear muzzles and leashes at all time and everywhere, including the country side, all parks and by the river. So now Geneva has a bunch of large dogs who are becoming unstable and vicious. Dogs that can’t exercice the was they used to, or that see other dogs without muzzles when they all of a sudden have to wear one , do not exert happy vibes… The dogs who get to go outside without a muzzle just like before now go out in the middle of the night and don’t ever see the outside of the apartment with day light. Now cops have a fun task to do instead of sitting in their car looking at the drug dealers doing their thing and letting them do it at the train station . And they do their job well when it comes to giving tickets to people with a dog without a muzzle on! They of course stick to their choosing who they stop to give a 350 francs ticket. Like they stopped and fined me the only time I didn’t put a muzzle on my dog. I don’t live in Geneva but used to go there on a regular basis. Geneva people are so ridiculous that before this new law on 13 breeds wearing muzzles, they put one out : It was the first law on muzzles in 2006. It said all dogs must wear muzzles in parks. There are quite a few parks in Geneva and you can’t even find a dog run! I found a dog run in a yucky area of the city where shit was all over, not picked up. Well yes the Swiss don’t like to pick up as it is, but they think since it’s an area for dogs especially, why should they pick up? Isn’t it part of the dog business to poop and piss everywhere? Sure Swiss! In most parks anyway, dogs are not allowed. So as soon as this stupid law came out, Swiss people rushed to the store to buy muzzles for their dogs of all sizes. The stores had problems finding distributors who would provide them with small dog muzzles… Instead of protesting, the Swiss insisted on buying muzzles all over the place, muzzles for Poodles, Maltese, Bichon, etc.. People owning these kinds of dogs are the kind of people who go to parks with their dogs on a very regular basis. They sit on benches and call it a dog walk. The law lasted about 5 months, and then it changed again… to the 13 breeds chosen by the way they look. 13 breeds and the Doberman is not on the list!! I love Doberman ( really I do, the short luscious black hair and the muscular and slender body) but we all know how fast the dog can be. Anyway the German Shepard and the Saint-Bernard are not on the list either. Talking about a list, I also have a list of morons I’d like to see walking around with a muzzle. Two-legged human morons!

I worked in Geneva for half a year teaching English and French to adults. The school would send me to various companies to teach in people’s offices mostly. I was moving around town on my bicycle. I thought New York was dangerous on a bicycle! I used to say taxi drivers were trying to kill me whether I was on a bike or on roller blades. Well in Geneva, people are not trying, they kill people on a regular basis. I saw 2 deadly accidents in 6 months. And yes they go through multiple driving courses and on the road lessons to get their driver’s license. They don’t drive well with all those driving courses, and they kill people on bicycles because they don’t care.

The pay for this teaching job was definitely lame considering all the moving around, the canceled lessons, and no paid vacation and no benefits. But I kept on working for the same company in another town for the next 2 years. At least with that job I was meeting people from all over the world, and usually people who weren’t at the bottom of the ladder, so we could have decent conversations.

My job was not unpleasant and was somewhat intellectually stimulating when the busy students didn’t cancel the class last minute, after I had gotten to their workplace. My job I could handle since I was dealing with all foreigners, but the living situation was always bad. It is frustrating to live in a place where you ae not happy to come back to, where you wish you could quickly get your dogs and move, far away… I wish I could especially forget all about the Swiss village I moved to, after the Geneva border apartment. I moved in that small studio in the middle of the village, myself and my 2 dogs. My one guy friend who I had dated for a while and who would still spend time with us sometimes, couldn’t help me because he had to work and train… ( yes his weight training work outs were sacred ). So everyone in the building saw a single woman, alone…moving in. Great target! The first week, I had the concierge knock on my door 3 times to explain to me all the different rules of the building. He played the person who didn’t care about the dogs, or the big dog… I later learned that before me there was a guy with a Pitbull who the concierge had a physical fight with, and the dog barely touched him. Usually if the owner has a fight with someone the dog goes for the fight as well. I had gotten bitten by a dog in Paris once because his owner had slapped me. The dog doesn’t care who started the fight, he defends his owner. So the concierge hadn’t said anything about the fact that he was in court with a guy with a pitbull who had lived in that very apartment before. I am sure he was already planning to make me move out from the first week I got there. So his first maneuver was to catch me in the hallway after my last dog walk at night , when he was drunk and stinking like hell. He would start flirting with me and grabbing my arm . I had just moved there so as much as I wanted to take my arm away, I knew in which country I was, and I stupidly thought that if there was a chance for me and my dogs to be liked instead of hated, I had to take the crap. But he was not doing that to flirt with me because his jealous live-in girlfriend would have given me dirty looks. She knew about the whole scam. They thought I would either feel uncomfortable enough to leave, or my dogs would start growling or try to bite him, and they could throw me out with the cops! And Shadow did growl once because he really felt that I hated that man and that it was painful for me to stand close to that man. I couldn’t hide my feelings to my big dog. My Shadow was very sensitive to human feelings. Sometimes he would love someone I didn’t even know that well, and he was always right about the sincerity of the person. Then, when the super saw that his trick didn’t work, he had the Portuguese woman next door, who he knew was up all night, make a bit more noise against the walls to wake me up or make the dogs bark. The dogs didn’t bark but it woke me up. That worked and the concierge’s wife started being so nice to me, to pretend she was on my side. I actually believed her for a while. She even said she was going to call the cops on that Portuguese woman several times but at the last minute she would find an excuse not to. It was a nightmare to live there. I didn’t know I was being played to that point! People in the village also insulted me and told me to move away. I thought it wasn’t different from any other place and I didn’t suspect the whole village being in on making me get out! In small villages, the Swiss like to have village meetings to get to know people, and to talk about what’s wrong or good. Usually people stay nice and hypocritical, but there, I was a cause they could all agree on. I have one word for them: trash. These village people used to all yell at me when they saw my dog take a shit near their house even if I picked it upall the time. They said it left a residue on the ground. Sometimes I used to yell back but I knew exactly what I could say or do not to be arrested, which wasn’t much, but I never lost it even if sometimes it took a lot of self control! I always thought I would get my revenge one day. I used to plan their death… I think these punks are still alive! I never saw walking my dogs as a chore, but with these idiots around, it was never peaceful to take the dogs out, as I would do, 3 times a day, sometimes 4. It was heavy and really uncomfortable to live in such a filthy environment every day.

　

I am someone who likes to be alone. I enjoy my own company. Instead of feeling totally alone I really enjoy the company of dogs. Actually even though I haven’t experienced too many other animals around me for long periods of time, I think I enjoy the company of most animals. Some people I love being around, but the list is small. There are not too many people I like being around for a long period of time anymore. Most people even if they’re fun, I like to leave them after a while and go home, where it’s just me and the dogs. When I look around, I see people who are lonely and who need a person to share their life with. I don’t feel the need to be . Then I look at them and see 2 people not really meant for each other, fighting or feeling miserable in many ways. Frankly I understand the fact that they don’t want to live alone, but I think it’s sad unless they’re really good at making things work no matter what the personality of the other is. Some people are like that. They so love company that they make it work. Good for them. I’d rather be alone. But then with me in Switzerhell is the problem of not wanting people to interfere with my “peace” or private life. And as much as in the US I was understood and respected, the Swiss are bothered because it’s not normal to them for a woman to want to be alone. At the same time they’re curious, so they dig , spy, try to learn as much as they can on me to then put me in a little box that they have created and put a label on. It makes them feel safe and that they know everything and everyone. They think they figure everyone out. The point is I don’t necessarily not want them to figure me out, but their brains are so limited that I know for a fact that they won’t figure me out the right way. In the US, a few people figure my main character out really quickly. Even getting to know a person, anybody is really difficult. Most people don’t know themselves, much less know their friends and family members.

Swiss children realize that their parents are pricks and grow up with that. What will they become? pricks as well of course! Yes when I see kids sometimes I think it’s a shame because there is hope if only they could be taken out of their disgusting homes, away from their parents. They are a few smart ones who are intelligent, emotionally smart, psychologically aware than the rest. But why would I talk about the few exceptions? I am talking about the whole people of Switzerhell. The trash that lives there without being known because they keep a low profile. Tha’s also part of the culture, people are not trained to show themselves much. Have you seen them speak in public? on TV? They are awkward, unprofessional, shy . It’s centuries of generations of people who don’t feel right with who they are. When someone does feel right, they stare.

I have always wondered why these idiots stare at me the way they do. When I am in Switzerhell I try to dress sort of like them because I know they stare, so to limit the looks knowing how I hate stares unless someone says has something positive to say , like in the US. The American custom is perfect for me. If someone stares, that same person is about to justify the stare. Whether it’s positive or negative, you’ll know the why and you’ll be able to deal with it. I guess the reason why their stares bug me so much now is not only the fact that I had the opportunity to live in a better place(USA) and it’s hard to be deprived of that little peaceful aspect of everyday life, but also I have to admit that when they don’t speak it makes me feel like they’re knocking at my door without saying a word. It’s inhuman. Humans are supposed to be higher in intelligence and in behavior than animals. As much as I love animals and I don’t mind their stares because I don’t really know what they think or don’t think. Humans, I pretty much get their thought process even if everyone is different. Even if their stares are positive which is rare, it makes me feel like they’re invading my space. Over in Switzerhell if you react to a stare, like : ” What? what do you want?” they answer : ” nothing, are you crazy?” Yes I’m the crazy one!!! It hurts to live around people who are not brighter than my dogs! My dogs are smart because knowing that they don’t have the ability to talk, to learn much in their lives, well they act very intelligently. But I wouldn’t let them drive a car, nor wear cop uniforms to go around and arrest people. Actually if cops were dogs around the world, the planet would probably be a better place. If you don’t teach a dog anything from the time he is a puppy, he won’t know much. Think about kids who you don’t teach anything, who you don’t teach to talk properly. Well how smart do they get? Not very. Other species have different aspects that we don’t understand. Dogs are pretty predictable compared to people, but still different species have assets that humans don’t have. That’s what I like as well, my dogs have senses that I don’t have. So my dogs are different enough that I stay fascinated all the time. I love people who teach me things. Gee, I haven’t met any of those for a while. In the US, I remember learning from people who lived on the street. True I was young and Swiss so I didn’t know anything about anything but a lot of people who are not Swiss ( different cultures of the world), have taught me things about life that no Swiss could ever think of. When you learn something, it’s also about how you process the information. I am not saying I am smarter than the Swiss. But I developed something in my spirit, in my mind that is a minimal part of my brain, but already has grown to be more like the rest of the world, and a bit like Americans even. I am really cocky to say I am American, but if I had the chance to go back and stay forever I could learn my last bits to be as good as Americans. Swiss people basically try to be different from Americans, and it makes them look ridiculous. They hate the US but if they’re lucky enough to be embraced by the US, they change their minds. Most people hate the US because they’re jealous, in Switzerhell. They comfort themselves with their old stones and scriptures and even architecture… I believe Europe was a great place centuries ago.

　

I don’t know why I have had such a fucked up life. You are going to tell me that a lot of people have had fucked up lives. Well, maybe so but I could have had a better life. We are all victims of our country and our education. I am so full of hope for a Swiss. Yet the curse is that I am Swiss. What have I done to deserve this? The worst disgusting rich stupid idiots of the world!! If at least I was a foreigner who had been cursed and sent there for some reason, I’d be better off, people would leave me alone as they hate foreigners but they magically leave them alone because somewhere along the line they were told that you can’t bother foreigners because they bring money in the country! And if you’re one of the “poor” foreigners, like the Portuguese for example, then “don’t bother them because they work for less money than us¨! Which is not always correct, but the Swiss need to believe that low-class foreigners coming in is cheap labor. When I was growing up, I remember hearing of people hating Italians, Spanish, Portuguese, or Eastern Europeans and sometimes taking action against them. Now the Swiss f*** with what they can. Some of the families that immigrated 30, 40 years ago are now strong families who occupy high positions in society. The Swiss have such lame lives that they need to look for s*** somewhere, anywhere, discreetly, but nevertheless bother people about something. The Swiss don’t feel well with who they are. These people have nothing to live for. Sometimes I wonder why they get to live. Nature is not fair, we all know that. I was lucky for a while, having lived in the US when I was 12 for 6 months, and then later studying there. Lucky is a funny word and funny concept. We place it on positive events that manifest for someone. Is it random or did someone place intent? Did God do anything?

I don’t know whether to believe in God or not. I have and then haven’t… and then have and then haven’t again… I always thought that even if I was not really lucky, I was protected because my life could also have turned out a lot worse. I believed in help from above, or somewhere. But now when I look at all these Swiss scumbags who live well with good money while staying dumb, and destroying lives, getting in everyones’ business to then bother innocent people. Usually money makes people soft. I have heard that from many people in the US who grew up in poverty and did quite a lot of bad things, but then recovered and made more money, had a better life and got “nicer”, joined humanitarian movements, started being sensitive towards others, helping when they can, etc. The Swiss never help when they can. The Swiss are known for giving a lot of money to charity. Well it’s first of all because they have the money and don’t use it, and also because they are diminishing their tax rate by giving to charity. That’s also a way to say that they are helping people, from their confortable home, without an effort! They don’t help anybody. Funnily I don’t feel like helping either when I am in Switzerhell. However I am always put in situations where I feel sympathy for a person at a specific moment, and I forget about the fact that I am in hell land and forget about the fact that helping that person is not going to mean that that person is going to help me later. It never does in Switzerhell for a single woman like me. In the US I feel more ” normal”. I see people helping others all the time and it makes me automatically react to help someone who needs it, in front of me. In Switzerhell, I feel like s***, it’s this horrible feeling of why is there such a country on the planet? People like that should not even be, breathe, eat, poop. The reason why the world doesn’t learn about the mediocrity about how these people are and behave, is because they are ignored by most foreigners who come to Switzerhell. Most foreigners who live there don’t interact with Swiss other than to buy things. It’s not because they can’t integrate, it’s because they never feet the need to! If they work with a Swiss, they later say the one Swiss in their firm is not very cool, as if maybe the others are better, but they don’t really need to go out and find out. I teach French and for most of my students, I am the only opportunity for them to speak French except for the stores and listening to TV and radio. Foreigners can live and ignore the Swiss, live as if they were not there. With me it’s different, I can’t. For one I am alone so I can’t be distracted by my many friends every time I come across a Swiss punk, and by punk I mean your average Swiss Joe. By distracted I mean when you see stupidity, and you’re with someone, you can ignore it, because you have other things to talk about and you forget about it but when you’re alone, and you understand these morons, it’s painful, it’s like a disease, it’s around you and the more you try to avoid it, the more it creeps up!! I do feel like exterminating the breed. I know I am Swiss, but I know that if I move to the US, in a while I’ll fit in like a fish in water, my accent is good, my mind is American. I just have that Swiss sickness in my blood, I am a potential psychopath, that’s a fact. I say it lightly because I know I have it in me to stay myself and not give into the disease. It may very well develop, but in the US, I can develop my human self, my positive self. I actually enjoy helping others in the US. Many have helped me there as well. In Switzerhell no one has ever helped, or they didn’t mean to. The only ones that have hired me were foreigners . I have had such a shitty life in Switzerhell and have been attacked by so many Swiss ( in small yet effective ways). No wonder I feel like killing sometimes. At least it taught me that a person like me who when I was 21 and had lived 4 years in the US, and consequently had dreams about making the world a better place, can have very dark thoughts like killing people when brought to an evil environment for a few years. The thing the Swiss have on their side is the more I live in Switzerhell the more I realize that the list of people I ‘d like to kill is getting larger and larger that it would take an army to help me kill them all. Of course I could dedicate my life just like them in making other people’s lives miserable, but I don’t have it in me to waste my time like that. I’d rather just kill, quick, clean. End of story, done. I don’t feel like playing their nasty games at ruining other people’s lives. Deep down, I feel everyone should live their life the way they want to, as long as they’re not hurting others. After what you’ve read you may not think I have a good enough excuse to want to kill anyone. I realize that I am sensitive, and even if I am feeling a lot of pain from all the events that I had to go through on Swiss land, I could have gone through worse pain, the kind of pain that doesn’t give you the strength to even want to kill, the kind of pain that destroys your soul and that makes you want to commit suicide. Thank God I am not there, and when I say thank God, I mean thanks to something other than human, maybe even other than this 4rth dimension world. I have many personalities. The killer is the one that can no more. The one that can’t live like that anymore. The sad one that wants to cry every day, but wants to kill instead of killing herself. Killing herself would only happen if she herself would hurt the ones she loved . That is a fact I can’t bear. When you hurt the ones you love, you are really messed up. Like if I would seriously hurt my dogs. I am tough with Shadow, I have kicked him in emergency situations, but I would never kill him !! But I would kill others who attack us. All humans have it in them, killing people I mean. They have the killing animals down really good. Many say that some people are incapable of killing. Well may these people stay as happy and balanced all their lives, because it I am just lazy to organize everything not to get caught. I like easy. If killing is complicated, it’s a burden but is in the human psyche to destroy others, when attacked, or when not happy, or when troubled, etc. Another part of me just wants to get out of Switzerhell, but the thought of having to come back if I fail ,again, to build myself a life somewhere else, is unbearable. Also my dogs don’t like moving around that much. They have been really good while we moved apartments, country even a few times, but as they get older, I am trying to give them comfort, even if in Switzerhell they refuse to let a dog of a breed they hate, be at peace and comfortable. I try to do my best for them , with what I have. They have 4 legs, look different, but I love them. People usually can’t love animals as much as humans because they don’t look like them and humans are so selfish and so egocentric, that they can only love the ones that resemble them. It’s bad enough few people really love people from other races, so imagine other species!! I am different on that. I have often started to love people, until they disappointed me, as humans. Dogs, even if they are not always the way I want them to be, are never a big disappointment, plus they are cute, which makes me weak!!! Love is never wasted, on dogs. Shiva is the cutest thing on this planet for me. I can’t think of one day since the day I got him, when I didn’t look at him thinking: is it possible to be that cute ?

I feel crappy not to be able to give my dogs a better life. I know the Swiss don’t find it normal that I love my dogs more than people, even if few of them know it, otherwise they would have killed my dogs. If they knew they could get at me with my dogs, they would have if not killed them, kidnapped them. Of course it is engrained in my brain somewhere that I am not supposed to love animals more than people. So I feel guilty. I am trying to get rid of guilt. Guilt doesn’t exist, it is an untouchable feeling that dirty humans have created. Feeling bad about having done something doesn’t help, even if lots of people like to hear it. I say if someone does something wrong in their book, they should just try to do a lot more good, that’s all. Looking back doesn’t help. At the same time I know that sometimes we can’t help looking back, thinking back…. I wish I had done this or that. It is not easy to look forward and look at the bright side all the time. Sometimes you just think: Life is miserable. It’s funny how when it’s miserable, we still go on. Well I go on hoping, for the dogs really. I need to dance again, I need money to live… I guess we all need things… In the US I understood “not winning the lotto” because I was always thinking about the people that needed it more than me and deserved it as much as I did, if not more. But in Switzerhell, not only that it would be part of my revenge but I don’t think anyone really deserves it in that country, so I don’t know why I am not winning! I just dream of a stable house and a big piece of land for my dogs…and other dogs for my dogs to play with….

Why do some people get to live in luxurious places and some others live in rat holes? Rich people who have health can really be ungrateful sometimes, when really they should thank life for what they have. If they have their health they have everything. Humans are not smart. But when you come to Switzerland, you will meet the stupidest of them all! Even poor people of the world are not half stupid as they are. Money should buy education, knowledge, but most of all it should buy common sense. A friend of mine from Ghana told me that he was surprised to see that the Swiss had no common sense when they drive. The truth is he doesn’t interact much with the Swiss so he sees the stupidity only in their driving. I myself am so fed-up with their driving, how they leave zero distance between them and the car in their front, and how they don’t put blinkers when they turn when they pretend to be so perfect… I can’t stand their having to prove that their car is faster than mine when they see I am a woman. I am thinking about not driving anymore, because driving is one more way I have to interact with the Swiss, thus another way to feel the frustration of being around them.

I can’t stand being around them. Some say that by saying that, I am attracting more of ” I can’t stand being around them”. Breaking the cycle would mean I have to like being around them, or not care. When people don’t leave you alone, how are you supposed to not care or like being around them? Dig in the trash and look for some positive! I have done that. I have looked for positive threads, whether it was a few people or activities to keep me busy. I do that, but I also think I need to find a way, a plan to get out of Switzerhell. I search and pray so hard that I am emitting the vibe: “help me get out of here now!” and it is so strong that again….I am attracting more situations that make me scream ” help me get out of her!”. The law of attraction makes sense. I am not sure it always works as clearly as we have heard, but the base of it, is right. When you’re stuck in a very bad place, both physically, mentally and emotionally, it is tough to break the cycle. Sometimes I am able to feel happy, to feel that pure joy that no Swiss has ever felt. It drives the Swiss nuts. When they see someone truly happy, they go nuts. It just might drive them even more crazy than when someone is different than them. I frankly think I have been able to get rid of most of my Swiss-ness. It’s like an alcoholic who was able to get rid of the disease, and now she or he is stuck in a place with only alcoholics around! She or he would hate it right? would want to get out fast right? But if she or he doesn’t have the money to leave, What happens then? It’s not that I want to have a drink, because the only residue of being Swiss that is left in me is my rage, but I have it under control. I only see the disease in them. I just need to get out of that country. I am not strong enough to interact with idiots and bullies, everyday, all the time. It is unproductive to put oneself under so much pressure. In order to find the few decent exceptions in the country, you have to meet so many filthy people, move through and get to a few along the way, who are decent. The good people I know are foreigners with families. No decent fun person wants to live in Switzerhell. At the gym men disgust me, and I run away from most. They see it because I am not good at keeping a straight face, so even if there was one decent guy in the mass, I would miss him. I literally feel disgusted by their ugliness, their vibes, the way they look at me, and the way they think ( I hear them talk and I know the standard mentality). They probably think I am scared of men when I move away from them. What they don’t know is that I so would like them to disappear, out of my face, don’t want to see them, nor hear them, nor smell them. The presence of all animals is a thousand times more pleasant. If I told them all this they would say I am nuts, crazy, they would laugh really hard because they are so confident that they are great people!! I know I am not crazy, because I know a lot of other people from other places on this planet, other countries, which I appreciate and who appreciate me. I am not going to say all other peoples of the worlds are great. There are nasty disgusting people in every country, but when it is the majority like in Switzerhell, it creates a filthy vibe, which in turn doesn’t help them either. I am not a fan of humanity when I think about all the atrocities that happened and are happening, but there are many people out there outside of Switzerland, in the US and in other countries who are beautiful inside, interesting, fascinating, smart and funny!! Those people I love to have around me! I even like simple decent people who mean well and do their best in life. Again…none of those in Switzerhell. Have you ever met someone who lived in Switzerhell and said that she or he loved it because of the people?? I have never. They always love it for the beauty of the land, the money they earn, etc, but not for the people. I am Swiss so I know the Swiss well, better than a foreigner who comes to Switzerhell and interacts with them here and there after work… I just wish the world could see the reality of this lame place with a great image. It bugs me to see tourists who are fascinated by the image. It is really the fact that they are brainwashed. When I look at some tourists sometimes, who come from beautiful countries, and they take pictures of Swiss horizons that are really not so pretty. It is amazing how marketing, publicity brainwashing works. It works best on groups. Tourists who come alone always feel a brisk of disappointment when they come to Switzerhell.

Today is December 24th 2007. I am about to spend another shitty Christmas… I am in Switzerland. I haven’t found the man of my life and I hate it around Christmas. The rest of the year I don’t mind being single but at Christmas, I always feel, it would be nice to have found him. I am 36 years old, and still sad at Christmas. I am thankful for my dog’s health though, I am. I also have Shadow’s girlfriend ( a big black dog) for a week on vacation, which I like. She lifts my spirits that dog. My boys feel my desperation about life, even if I can still find moments where I show them love and happiness.

Where would I want to be tonight? I would like to have found a rich handsome funny man in New York, who has a penthouse in Manhattan , a house in Connecticut and at least one dog. We would have spent Christmas eve in Manhattan. We would walk our 3 dogs and then have dinner in a nice restaurant, and then walk the dogs again through the city for hours… Through the city lights… That would have been nice…But I was never able to meet that man in NYC. Was it my Swiss vibe or the residue of my wanting to get rid of my Swiss vibe that stopped me from attracting a match for me? Frankly he could have been a mechanic or a dog walker…just a decent guy with a job and his own place…the guy who I would have been happy with and vice versa.

Instead I am stuck in Switzerhell. I have been thinking about my father lately, maybe because it’s Christmas. This student I have, she is about my age, she lost her father and she was telling me how she truly believes he is watching over her. I used to think that and then in the last couple of years I have stopped thinking that. Also when I went to see Sylvia Brown in NYC, she told me the only message he had for me was that he was sorry he couldn’t say goodbye and he was sorry he left a big paper mess. Because it was true that he left a big paper mess, I sort of believed her. Sylvia Brown must know something, or else she wouldn’t have lasted so long in being famous. So I thought what a lame thing to tell me, sorry for the paper mess… It had to be meant for my mother because I didn’t deal with the mess, my mother did. She went to court and dealt with the lawyers to get rid of the debt and get some money out of it. I never got any message from my father, as some people get, from their deceased loved ones. I of course could have been too blind to get any message, that’s possible too.

Before my dogs, dance was my only friend, and a great friend it was. The simple Swiss chick, who came out of a dumb country was dancing on stage with great American dancers… I was living life!!! Later reality came back to bite me. I hadn’t finished university and my mother was upset. I am thinking now that my father might have been upset too. Maybe he decided not to help me anymore. Instead of blaming myself for screwing up my life, I am now blaming my mother. Isn’t it always the parents’ fault? I am asking the question in a funny and serious way at the same time. I am just trying to find other possibilities to explain my misery, how my life turned out, because I certainly did not plan it that way. I didn’t know much, but I didn’t want it the way it is. I logically got my dogs because I really needed them. I had made mistakes in my life, in choices I made in the US, in coming back to Switzerhell. I sometimes ask myself: How with all the will power that I think I have, I was not able at any point to recover, to get lucky once to get back on my feet? The thing is I have lived great things in the US, and my barre is set a bit too high. And my stubborn self won’t settle for less, won’t settle for an ok guy, for an ok job, for a yucky country. Well I have no choice on that, I am working an ok job right now, to survive. But this surviving thing doesn’t work for me. I want to live!!! I have seen Great and I want Great! But I am getting none of that, and it’s making me sad. I guess I should be thankful to have my health , and my dog’s health. I love those dogs, and that’s not sad. I have this sensibility for animals which I would like to explore more but I have so many other problems in my life like people messing with my everyday life, my car , my mail, my sleep…. that I am fighting to survive in every way there is. I am not special. I shouldn’t get a better life than most people. Well I should get as much as these scum bags Swiss ! They have money!!!! money! I should get that. They have friends and family but I am not jealous because they are so lame that they have so many problems with their families and they don’t enjoy them. But I am jealous of the money. I am frustrated that they have so much and I have none. Yes I could have taken that fulltime receptionist job in Geneva to then make more money than now. But that would have implied to leave my dogs from morning to evening in a studio!! No way in hell. I’d rather be poor and stay who I am! I work part-time because I need quality time with my dogs. Spending time with who we love is a huge part of life. Spending time with creatures who need you is most important in my opinion, like spending time with children and animals, who need caring for and attention, is important. Life should be about doing what you love, and spending time with the ones you love. I know it’s easier said than done, but it is my personal goal.

　

Life and love…..

　

I have never been lucky with men even though I have never had really horrible experiences. I never had boyfriends who tried to kill me , rape me, or insult me. The men I have been with were decent with me but never great. In the last couple of years, I have been with some men but they weren’t real boyfriends except one. I have to say that the sex hasn’t been great. When you are happier to get home and spend time with your dogs than spending time with the guy, there is something wrong! I have yet to meet a guy I can love more than my dogs. I am sick of having bad sex, either it’s too much or not enough, or one thing or another that doesn’t feel good. I guess it’s because the love is not there, but other women get to have good sex just for sex…I have found that twice only. Can I find love then? please anyone?? I know I am in the wrong country because I don’t like most men in Switzerhell, but I couldn’t find it in the US either and I loved men there. I know that I can’t settle for something comfortable. I want the real thing. It’s just funny how I love my dogs so much that I am always happier with them than with some guy I meet. I know I am not a lost case that just refuses to find love. I am open to it. I am not totally happy when I am in Switzerhell so I get the fact that I can’t attract the one or two guys in the country that could be good for me. I couldn’t meet a good one in the US either! I always think that no matter the luck in the past, I could still meet him. It’s like I know love is out there for me, probably not in Switzerhell unless I meet this foreigner guy who is just passing through, but I know I will meet love one day. I am totally open to meeting my other half, the kind of guy that I’d love so much that I could not stand to be apart from. I like my own company and there is no hurry. The thing is whether I want real love or not, I am not afraid to find it and I am still not finding it! I guess many people never find it. A teacher once told us in 7th grade that he believed we had a soul mate somewhere in the world and for him it was not his wife. Just the fact that he would say that to his class was an insult to his wife but it was the truth for him, so there. He settled, just like most people. Some think they’ve got the right one and then they see they messed up later on. Some feel it’s fine to love several people in their lives, marrying several times. I am not sure what I feel about a soul mate or loving several men in a different way. Being Swiss, I really didn’t learn much about love. Attraction comes naturally, like animals. As a woman, I was told being nice will help me find a man who will want to marry me. Human interaction and communication is not taught anywhere in Switzerhell, so once you’re gone through the physical attraction, you’re lost. And there are many Swiss couples who are lost. What is on their side is that many times both are lost so they sort of figure out that they like the idea of not living alone, so they go for the company, and try to get along in their lost ways. When I go to the restaurant in Switzerhell, I am always amazed at the lame conversations couple hold. It is sad, they never laugh, nor talk about things that seem to interest them.

　

Last night September 26th 2008, there was a jackpot of about 135 millions Swiss francs at the Euromillions game. That’s the kind of money that not only would enable me to leave the country forever and buy me a green card, but also buy not one house but two or three and not count what I ‘m spending. One of my dreams is also to redistribute the wealth. Winning big amounts at the Lotto should also be about giving to the right people, instead of the wrong ones…. What person needs that much money for her or himself? I get the dream of being a millionaire, having plans of opening businesses, but unless you have many children, do you really need that much money? Anyway, since I came back to Europe 3 years ago, life has been hell. So every time there is such a jackpot, I hope, I pray, I wish…. I was mad at God for a while for not helping me. I never asked God for a lot because I usually manage to find ways alone since I believe there are lots of things we can do ourselves in this 4 dimension world. But I didn’t win. so I started thinking differently, not praying God, believing in myself, didn’t work. I kept going back and forth, praying and believing I could do it alone. I know some of you think that winning the Lotto is not something you try to do. The odds are so small. Well, I disagree. So much money which can change a life doesn’t happen randomly. 3 months ago, I went to Paris for a week vacation. I know the city and I like to go to an American bookstore every time I go to Paris. I usually just buy a book that attracts my attention. I hadn’t heard about the Secret, I was in Europe when the film came out. I saw the book at that bookstore and it caught my attention. I bought it. The Secret, and I really thought : Ah that’s it, I have known that all along I just needed this guidance on how to really think properly! I loved that book. It seems like all the things I thought were right and everyone especially in Europe used to tell me I was high or stupid when I would mention some material that comes up in the book The Secret. So as soon as I started reading the book, I started to feel my hopes grow and strengthen. I felt like, I have known this, and the fact that all these people ( who wrote in the book), who are successful people confirmed the law of attraction and the power of thoughts, made me feel powerful and that my dreams were going to come true. My dreams start with winning the Euromillions (lotto game), because I need the money to get out of Switzerhell for good . So I think of the money, the lotto game, the numbers I play enough and with great joy, I have to win soon. I didn’t win , but I thought it can’t work the first time, especially the Lotto, it’s a difficult thing, even if the book says: no matter how big is the thing that you wish for, there are no limits to our powers… So I played again and read again to see if I missed something, but it’s been a month now and every Friday… I don’t win… Last night there was such a big amount to be won, I had my thoughts on a great frequency…. And I thought I was really feeling it, feeling the winning, visualizing it. I have always been good at that. I believed I was winning so much that the next day when I saw I didn’t, I cried like a raging baby! I am thinking what am I doing wrong? I don’t want to say The Secret doesn’t work because that would lead me in a state of constant hatred without hope. The Secret is actually no big secret as everyone has experienced once or twice the way of attracting good things when one is happy or joyful or grateful. Our brains are complicated and unless one is psychologically “clean”, one doesn’t even know what one truly wants. When one is being bullied and stepped on, it is a bit difficult to stay focused on feeling good and ignoring the world around. I do have a lot of hatred for these Swiss people, not only because of what so many have done to me but also because I know they do all sorts of crap to other people who don’t have the right defenses. I hate how they hate dogs.

Three days ago, the only woman in the closest village , who has 2 big scary looking dogs, had her chalet burnt. I passed by today, the chalet is totally burnt down. The only thing that’s left is part of the roof, and 2 outside walls! It was also a woman living alone with her dogs. That brings even more hatred in me and I am not going to be leaving my dogs in my chalet any time soon! These Swiss people are despicable! They burnt her chalet because of the breed of her dogs, and maybe because they barked a bit too much according to these Swiss people. The chalet is near the road. I have taken this road at least 80 times and have never heard any dog barking!! The Swiss are a despicable people. They do stuff like that when they know they can, when they know they won’t get caught and when they know they’ve got people who are happy about what they did , like what they did to that woman! In one way, they do criminal acts against people because of their dogs, and then when it happens to them, when or if someone burns their chalet, then they calm down. The fact and the matter is a chalet of a woman is easily burnt, but few risk burning the house where a man lives. The only reason these Swiss haters haven’t burnt my chalet, I believe, was, aside from my luck, the fact that a few times I had friends coming over, with real expensive cars, foreigners no Swiss of the area knew about: The kind of foreigners the Swiss know nothing about and the kind who scare the Swiss, just by being richer than them. A lot of people in Switzerhell live in pain and suffering because they endure or have been «　put　» in an «　accident　» by someone , but since people can’t sue unless they have a lot of money in Switzerhell, they keep on living in pain, because they know they can’t do anything!

So no one knows how much I want to get out of Switzerhell forever and ever! Have the money to stay away for the rest of my life! I didn’t stay in the US last time I was in New York with my dogs because my visa had expired and I had very little money left and the little jobs I was getting were not enough to live on. Plus my mother had allured me with a house she was going to buy and charge me little rent. Instead I lived from room to studio for 2 years until she bought this chalet without running water… I like it because I have a garden, a piece of grass for my dogs, especially my big dog, he loves to hang out outside! The neighbors are pricks like all Swiss, but they don’t live there fulltime, so weekdays most of the time they are not there. I then only have to deal with pricks who walk by there. These people have stolen a shovel from me, a bucket, a ladder, basically everything I leave outside for the night, just to show me that I am supposed to leave junk outside because it is ugly, and because for centuries people have had to keep their outsides clean for tourists to see how perfect everyone’s garden is. You would think that maybe someone in the area would have come to me and told me not to leave stuff outside because that’s not the way things work in Switzerhell. No, the Swiss way is to teach you by “punishing ” you. Then later, to punish me for having a dog of a “bad” breed, and also because they found out I was a single woman who occasionally had friends over but not often, they came by, opened the gate, and walked around the chalet, looked through the windows. They would leave stuff or make marks, just to show me they were there when I wasn’t, or at night. My dogs getting older, they would be sound asleep at night, and wouldn’t bother if someone or an animal for that matter would come near our door quietly. Shadow used to stare at the door at night when I was watching TV sometimes, and I knew it was someone who was near, listening to what I was doing, or listening to what I was saying on the phone. Many of those Swiss people have nothing in their lives, so they have the kind of time to walk around a woman’s place and listen for an hour or so. I knew no animal was out there for an hour behind my door. If a cat or a fox passed by, Shadow and sometimes Shiva would look up for a minute and then go back to sleep. The people who hang around a woman’s place like that, for an hour or two, just to listen to what they are saying or to what they are watching on TV or what not, are regular Swiss people, they’re not your local retard of the village. They are those polite Swiss you meet at the supermarket, sometimes retired, sometimes workers with families. The man will often say he is going for a walk. His family sometimes doesn’t know that he is going to hang out someone’s place to listen to what the people inside are doing. Men tend to be the ones who will waste hours observing or trying to find out stuff about people, or plan a dirty deed in someone’s back. Women might be in on these deeds but will most likely spend less time on something like that unless their man asks them to.

I have come up with a new theory for the Swiss: Schizophrenia. It is actually a compliment for them, knowing that it would include multiple personalities and the Swiss hardly have any. The Swiss are personality-less. However if I look at them from a different angle, I could say that they have a collective consciousness that is one of their personalities, which the “jealous hater who plays cop”. That is the predominant personality in Switzerhell that contaminates everyone, even the foreigners after a while, and even me who fights the Swiss aura everyday. Well I try to ignore it in order not to have to fight it, but it’s useless. Each Swiss then has a bunch of different personalities which are weak and meek so they all fight to survive. When a Swiss child grows up, she or he starts developing a personality, but society or the parents break it. They instead install a fake personality for their child and reinforce it on a daily basis. The original personality is still there hidden, but it’s tortured, suffering from lack of air to develop. The fake personality being told to be the best and the strongest, it suppresses every other personality that tries to develop. When, a few rare times in a Swiss life, the individual is feeling good, a new personality tries to emerge, but as soon as that happens, people around are quick to call the old fake personality back, which in turn, kills the new development. All these embryos of personalities are lying there in the shade of the strong fake ready-to-use Swiss personality that was installed by Swiss society, parents and loved ones. The core of the person knows that the fake personality doesn’t match its own system, so it can’t be loved by its own self. Therefore the person can never love her or himself. I believe I have found a few open doors to develop two of my repressed personalities. I am not saying I am really schizophrenic but I have two personalities which mess my thoughts up. I am pretty sane, despite what my destructive mother says sometimes, I am pretty sane. I have issues which manifest in violence, which I control with working out. I do feel that the violence I feel physically is a way for one of my personalities that was suffering, to come out. When I feel it coming, I go work out, and I feel better. It is very physical, so to me it means it is flowing outward, a good thing. I also have a very selective memory so there are a lot of things that if no one ever asks me to remember I won’t, and I know they should come out at some point. But I can bring my personal theory to simplicity and say I have two personalities: The Swiss me, and the American me, which is the better me. The Swiss me is the one with the rage, the fear, the one who doesn’t believe miracles can happen, the one that says: bring on the worst and see how I can handle it! The killer, the hater. The American one is the believer, the positive thinker, the flower child, the dancer. They are both part of me and I don’t think they dislike each other. I have learned to make them get along. They are sisters. The Swiss is the pitbull, the one who is ready to fight and kill, who would like to get rid of some people who won’t stop bothering me. She may have linked with the protective mother in me. The American me feels safe with her because she is so bad-ass. She does stop her when she is going to attack someone though because the American loves her dogs, plus she doesn’t want to go to jail. The Swiss could care less about going to jail, but she likes the American for pulling her out of trouble and pushing her in the right direction. The Swiss knows that the American is her savior, but she can’t help who she is, she likes to fight back. However they disagree sometimes which doesn’t make my life easy: Whenever the American says: I’d like that! The Swiss makes sure it doesn’t happen! The Swiss has nothing to loose and she won’t let the American get all that she wants because she knows that if that happened, she would be placed behind barres, only to be taken out in emergency cases. The Swiss keeps me physically in Switzerhell because she knows she is more apparent there. The American loves her dogs so much she would never put them in front runner, she protects them like her babies. I guess I could say that the Swiss me is more masculine and the American me is more feminine.

　

　

I think the Swiss gets sad in the US and wants to go home all the time, like there is something there calling her, and she gets stronger when she is home, in the land of morons. The Swiss was the first personality, she is the one with the childhood memories, so when she really wants to she wins. She wins at not being happy. She wins at being herself, a survivor, but not letting herself get too happy because that’s dangerous. Being too happy means she’ll have to pay for it, watch her back even more! Too much effort and scary, even for her. So of course she wasn’t going to let the American win and stay in the US. That’s where I am stuck. I obviously want to let the American flourish, and I am having a bit of a hard time to do that.

The Swiss has the feeling of being poor. Whether she is or not, she feels poor, she feels she needs to save money as Switzerland has always “trained” its people to be scared of the future and therefore save their money in case something bad happens, instead of spending it. I remember my mother saying, when I was little, that if we spend too much money, we won’t have any left. I was young and didn’t quite understand money yet, but it used to scare me. I used to think that there was a threat of not having any money anymore, to buy anything. We had to save money and food too. My mother never threw away food. We bought it, we have to eat it. My mother was of course brought up like that. Throwing away food was like a sin. I remember a few times when my mother and I didn’t finish a dish that couldn’t be kept in the fridge, or even a salad: When she would throw it in the trash, she would make me feel so guilty, I remember feeling that threat of being really poor, and also that I made her do a bad thing, by not finishing the food. As an adult I still don’t like to throw away food unless it is rotten. However saving money doesn’t make much sense to me. I have this feeling that if money is there, it is to be spent. The American me has not saved money because she wants to live, life is short, but the Swiss me which has a very dark side laughs at it, because she knows that after spending every dime I always have to come to Switzerhell to live and work. They’re in crisis, but they get along so well. The dark humour of the Swiss and the need to laugh of the American make a great match… That’s why I can always say that deep inside I am happy, happy because of the American me, and because the Swiss me gets to enjoy this unknown happiness. I have just realized: I am two in one. I have gotten rid of all the Swiss habits and behaviors that I hate, but I have a Swiss root in me which is very dark but if the American can be stronger and make fun of the dark side or use it to defend myself, it can all work out. I know some people are more than 2 in one, and I know some people can’t join the two to be one and it affects their lives. People can’t tell I could be insane, but I could if the Swiss push me over the edge and if I don’t get to leave the country one of these years.

Sometimes I feel like the American in me has the Secret down, and she is on the right frequency to win a lot of Swiss Lotto money to escape Swiss hell. But the Swiss sabotages her great thinking. She comes in with her doubts and fear and asks: ” How can you win all this money in one night?” or “Are you sure you can do this?” or ” Can you win all that money when you know that I don’t believe it?” Even though the Swiss makes no sense and is no very productive, the American listens to her… The American sometimes thinks she is stronger and that she could win. But she realizes that the Swiss won’t let her. The American doesn’t want to fight, she knows better than fighting like little children! She has to find a way…Tricky…

The Swiss is hyper-sensitive, but when she was alone, as a child, she never cared too much about anything so it didn’t show. The American cares about people, the Swiss doesn’t. But since they are together, the Swiss gets offended more easily by what people do or say because the American cares more. The Swiss then stresses out and worries more about everything. The Swiss is a ball of nerves, so it is not good to have too many things we care about, or too much stress. The American calms her down but since she cares so much ( about her dogs especially), the Swiss is going nuts worrying and thinking about the worst all the time. The Swiss always pictures the worse scenario, while the American has faith and confidence in the future. “Accidents don’t happen” :The Swiss always says. That’s a mixture of the American who can be well aware and careful and the Swiss who worries right away and pushes the American to take action whether it is needed or not. That being said, if something does happen, the Swiss has a fit! Since the Swiss always expects the worst, and that , according to the law of attraction , attracts accidents, it is then so much work for us to control the ” accidents don’t happen”. Life is so much work! Also, when we are in public in Switzerhell, the American is not fond of the Swiss when she sees they act stupid and nasty. The Swiss gets stressed out, the people watch her even more and she goes nuts, and it’s those few and not enough times that make the Swiss want to run away and never come back! The American is there to tell her that these people are stupid and not worth getting upset over, but since she is Swiss herself she can’t see it from afar like the American can. It’s tough with these two.

What to do… In an ideal world, the American would have to tell the Swiss to hibernate until needed, like killing to survive , in which case the Swiss could make a glorious appearance, to then go back to hibernation. I think the American can’t destroy the Swiss because she is not a killer, but if the American could tell the Swiss that she doesn’t need her anymore, and even though she understands that the Swiss has great memories of her parents and of being a child which is vital, and if the Swiss could please transfer her best memories to her.

I don’t think the Swiss can just disappear. After all energy doesn’t disappear, it just changes form. I just want the American to take over, and to have the Swiss dissipate into thin air. That reminds me of a Spanish student who I was teaching French to, who was feeling confortable enough in my class to joke around, say that he thought it was repulsive to see a person who despises her own people, because of all the small comments that I made in class, they could tell I didn’t like the Swiss ( they were only two people in that class). I took it as an insult because he was saying how disgusted he was of a person who would think this way about her people. He said it as a joke but somewhere he meant it. And in theory he is right. It is sad to despise the people from which you come from. It’s sad to me but I have tried too many times to live in Switzerland peacefully, to integrate and the only place I integrate in Switzerland is within the international community, so that’s not a success of living peacefully and happily in Switzerland. And actually I am still trying to live in peace since I am still there. My priority are my dogs so I am trying to do the best I can for them. It’s not that life would be all that fun for me in the US without a green card and broke , so I am still positive , trying to integrate and make life in Switzerhell work for the time that I have to be there and give my dogs a decent life. At the same time I am still going to try to win the Lotto since the American in me knows it can happen.

　

I am always looking for solutions, ideas to win this impossible game called the Lotto. So many people want to win the same thing and it is, they say, almost impossible to win. The chances to win are slimmer than slim. But I have always thought I don’t care about the statistics, I want to win that. It’s not that I think I can do it, it’s that it’s what I want, period. I am stubborn. But if the law of attraction works, whether I have 2 personalities or not, I haven’t won because I am at war. I am at war with Switzerhell. I can blame myself all I want and say I am at war with myself, but the truth is I am at war with that country. Living in Switzerhell or not I am at war with Switzerland. I blame the country for having made my parents the way they were, Swiss, and not better , as they could have been. I blame Switzerland for creating despicable people. And my luck was to be born there…. It took me a long time to look at things the right way in Switzerhell. Having lived in the US for a few years when I was a young adult helped me become a better person and see that there are great people out there, but during those years I was blind about Switzerhell. Many people in the US talk about Switzerland in an admirable way. “waoo, you’re from Switzerland? That’s a beautiful country!! What are you doing here?” I have heard that a few times. When you’re away from a country and you miss one or two things or people in it, you tend to see or remember only the good things. That’s why I went back so many times, thinking life could be good there. I gave that country so many chances. I gave the people so many chances, looking back, I was ridiculous. It’s like giving a criminal too many chances. I am now 37 and I believe I can say: that’s it! I am still living in Switzerland for the time being, but I am living like a hermit in my isolated chalet. I try to avoid people because there is a 75% chance they are Swiss. I hate them and that’s the truth so I stay away. I am at the point where I don’t want to try anymore to see if the people I come across are of the 1 per thousand Swiss that are somehow all right, minding their own business. Of course I have to be objective and realistic. Not every single Swiss is hardcore scum ( well because when you have a rule, there a re always exceptions, that’s science, and since I am a fan of science, I need to believe in a few Swiss being all right). But the vast majority of these people are scum, so I have had enough, I can’t deal anymore. I so wish I was living in a normal country like the US, where you have good and bad, but mostly good. So yes I am at war. I feel like going out there with my shot gun and start shooting one Swiss after the other. I’d probably get arrested pretty soon though right? Yes and my dogs don’t allow me to go to jail! So there I am at war but frustrated because I can’t take action. Of course I am in a negative state of mind, even if I find distractions and happy moments to survive. I can’t win a game like the Lotto where one would have to be in a good state of mind to attract that! As some say: ” you can’t win when you ain’t right within”. I am in a vicious circle. I am at war so I can’t win, so I am more at war, and I can win even less. I hate Switzerhell so much that I’d need something big to get me out of that country and out of the state of war. I can’t kill the whole country, I’d have to create a country of my own and an army for that country. That’s tough. I wish the US army would come to Switzerland after Afghanistan and Irak. But there is no oil in Switzerland, and no Al Qaeda. Right, no Al Qaeda… The rulers of such organizations live in Switzerhell with their families, they would never have Mujaideen take action where they live with their precious children! There are Al Qaeda producers and other despicable organizations’ leaders and providers. Between them and the Swiss, I want to puke. The Swiss also have a few organisations which are not godlike. No need to name them, I like to stay alive. There is a magic silence in Switzerhell that protects every rich scum. The only bad people the police arrests are poor people who steal, deal drugs for small amounts, who make too much noise or whose dog has bitten someone, when 99% of the time a dog that bites a stranger is when the person beats the dog up, or walks into the dog’s territory, or starts petting the dog without asking the owner nor the dog himself. My dog was beaten with a stick in the forest when he was a puppy a few times, I was too far to stop it, I yelled at the pricks ( I was still nice at the time). My dog didn’t rebel or do anything to the disgusting Swiss men. If it happened now he would rebel , he would bark like crazy, and I would rebel. I have come to the point where I won’t tolerate anyone hit my dog anymore. I have become as vicious as a Swiss, only one who takes action right away, not 2 weeks later like the back stabbers that they are.

Last year , I almost went all out on this dude: I was on top of the mountain that is close to my chalet, I was with my 2 dogs and a female, who is Shadow’s friend and who I take to stay with us for a few days every once in a while. We were resting on the grass. I was looking at the view and eating some chocolate. These two men came hiking right near us. There was a huge grassy area where there was no visible trail. Since I was just a woman, they didn’t think it was necessary to give me some space. The dogs were surprised and since they were quietly lying down, they were frightened by these two men walking with their sticks so close to us. So was I. So they started barking strongly at them. One of them hit the female slightly. Yes slightly was enough for me to go and grab his jacket and threaten him. When I am angry like that, I am not afraid of anything. He could have used his stick against me but I was so furious that he got scared. They both started screaming as they were walking away, screaming about how I was crazy. I am so tired of these Swiss ( and some French) people, mostly men, walking with sticks and using them as soon as a dog comes near them, no matter what the dog doesn’t do. I had my dogs hit and kicked by too many people, even my little dog when he was little was kicked when he was a puppy. I was always so afraid of getting arrested , because I know in Switzerhell, men are allowed to hit any dog they want, but women are not allowed to yell at them, nor touch a hair of their precious anatomy . Shiva is my little dog and he was already almost killed by the 2 police dogs.

　

When I got my Shadow, I did get him for 2 reasons: 1: because I wanted a big dog. 2: because I needed a dog to defend my little dog who was always attacked by these unsocial Swiss dogs, and especially because people didn’t care. When the Swiss see a small dog, they know the dog is not a threat to them or their dog, so they could care less about the fact that their dog could attack the little dog or not. He wasn’t attacked in New York where we lived for a year before I had Shadow. He wasn’t even attacked in Paris where the dogs are known to be wild and uneducated: Uneducated but more social, used to interacting with lots of dogs. In Paris Shadow may have been kicked once by an idiot jogger with a black lab I’ll always remember, and people have insulted him for his Pit Bull-like look many times, but I also got positive comments and compliments a few times. Even if the balance wasn’t really organic, and we got more negative comments than positive, at least we had both. As in Switzerhell, I always got only negative comments, insults, and negative actions taken against us.

With all those years of nasty stuff coming at me and my dogs, just because of the breed of my dog, have not helped me be more loving towards Swiss. It’s one thing to have it bad in a foreign country. All the bad times we had in Paris, we can say we hate Parisians and not go back, but when the despicable place is your country, which I can say is much worse than Paris, because in Paris we had friends, with and without dogs, we could have fun with. Fun is something that exists in a weird limited form in Switzerhell. But if boring and not fun were the only things the Swiss were, I could take it! But their crap is so thick and filthy that it’s torrid to live there. And how can I be a winner in such a filthy environment? I have kept hope. I am amazing. Self-esteem has never been my problem. I think that’s why some self-help books are not so good for me because I don’t need to think I am powerful and great. If I start thinking that, then I think I am more powerful than other people and I fall on my face when I realize I am not. It is the Swiss in me that doesn’t know anything but thinks she is great… I know the goal is to think you’re powerful but not compare yourself to other people . The Secret says competition is not good to think about. There is plenty for everyone. Well ok, so since I have lost so many times, and since other people have won so many times, can I win now?

The Secret also says: like attracts like. So if I have a lot of hatred it will only come back to me. I am supposed to love everyone to attract good! Ya, that’s easy. Not! Three days ago I wanted to win so badly and I was picturing it so well that I could feel the love. Of course I was feeling the love, alone in my mountain. Since I quit my security job I wasn’t working on Friday. But maybe one day of love is not enough right? I can’t give up, even though it’s silly to believe in winning the Lotto, but only a great amount of money could bring me the life I want, the getting out of Switzerhell for good. I am not ok with just experiencing life anymore. I need what I want! I feel like I am getting old, and I want to have the life I want before I get too old to really enjoy it. It’s so frustrating! Today I started believing in ….not God, but Universal Intelligence. I like that concept. I see it as not One but many higher beings out there in the Universe. If The Secret works, then one has to be lucky already, to attract luck, or be very sanely happy to attract things that one wants. I obviously can’t do it right now. I did ask the Universal Intelligence to push me to win last time . Well, I have to ask for help, serious help. I’ll do my part, what I can do, but I can’t do it all alone. God with a human mind, like he is described in many religions doesn’t work for me. I need to believe there is a real higher Intelligence. Humans have not fascinated me, even if I met some fun, funny, smart individuals in the US . So I hope there are higher beings with greater Intelligence who don’t spend much time on earth ( because what higher being would spend time among idiots and so much suffering) but who are out there, further. The animal world on earth is amazing, even if there is a lot of killing and hurting each other, but the human world is destroying the animal world for no other reason than greed and stupidity. I hope there is a Universal Intelligence that is greater than earthly beings. I hope I am right, and I hope I can get through to them to ask for a little help! I don’t know if there is something I could do to get their attention, or if there is something I could do to get connected to them. I don’t think they care about me needing the money. They must be above that. I am sure they have lost hope in the human race getting better and smarter. I mean I know men have invented great things and discovered a lot in science, which is great but still I am not impressed and I am human. I don’t think Universal Intelligence is impressed !

October 14th 2008

They don’t know how much I want to kick them, these Swiss people. I want to kick and punch Swiss so bad. I can taste it, I can smell it. I have never kicked someone the way I want to before but I can visualize it so well and I would feel so good if I kicked one really hard. It’s like a piece of candy you know would not only taste so very good but would make you feel satisfied, to help you ease the pain that you have in your stomach. It would be good medicine. Plus if I could kick and punch many Swiss, I would do humanity a great deal of good. We don’t have the right to take a life, but beat these people down would be the fairest thing I can think of. With all the vermine that lives in Switzerhell! Exterminating the Swiss would be a good idea, but death is not proven to be a worse place than life on earth. Societies have laws against killing people just to be in control, just to brain wash people to believe that taking human life, whatever the kind, is a terrible crime. It’s just so the governments have total control over people. The governments have the right to kill , and I am not only talking about death penalty. I am talking about all the people who die of “accidents”, but who have really been killed by not illegal mobs, but legal governments, people who work for them. And they’re no illuminati! A lot of people say the world is governed by a group of elite people, maybe aliens, reptilians. If that’s true, then it’s not only Switzerhell that is full of vermine in power but the whole planet and the universe! No that would be scary. I believe if there are aliens somewhere in the universe, they are too smart to want to mingle with humans. Like I said I don’t think all people are evil. In some countries like the United States, Canada, India, and many others , fortunately there is a majority of good people, people who do their best with what they have and don’t have evil nasty repressed thoughts that make them act and think stupidly all the time like Swiss! Switzerhell was “saved” by all the poor foreigners who immigrated some 30, 40 years ago. All the Italians, Spanish who moved to Switzerhell in those days, make the only decent part of Switzerland, humanly. I am not talking about the massive amount of Portuguese who have moved there in the last 10 years because those are angry, they have prejudice against the Swiss, or they know and have heard a lot about the real Swiss, and their anger at the Swiss for having good salaries and being trash bags, is not helping the country, even if they’re right. It just brings more anger. I must say, you got to love the real rich foreigners who love Switzerhell and never mingle with any Swiss, for helping to keep Switzerhell rich and helping to keep that great image of rich, clean, safe Switzerhell!! Puke, Puky puke! I feel like I need to live in many other countries to see and compare, because the more I know Switzerhell, the more I feel sick that places like that exist and survive. The more I know the US, the more I realize that the people, Americans, have got their priorities straight about how to make society a better place, trying to grow, to change, develop what is there, etc. The world criticizes the US, and in my case I hear it in Switzerland all the time, by Swiss or non-Americans, and some Americans for that matter, who obviously left the US because they didn’t like it. What the world doesn’t understand, is that societies evolve in the right direction when people push towards that. And evolution can’t happen in total harmony. There are good and bad things that come along the way, but keeping the motion towards growing, getting better, without limitations is what the US is doing. Most countries in the world are stuck with their old time traditions that hold them back. They value these traditions and cultures but it doesn’t help them to grow as a society. There are a lot of extremes in the US because there are less limitations than in other countries, and I believe it’s without limitations that if the majority of people want to do good and grow, they let their minds think without limitations. And that is why the United States of America is the best country in the world! All countries with old rules, regulations: I am not talking about rules to drive, smoke or eat properly, but rules in people’s minds about how the world is supposed to be and how people are supposed to think; these countries keep their populations from evolving. Swiss people have all the new technology because they have the money to buy it, but when their minds are not even at the level of an old electric wire. Because they have access to all this technology, they start thinking they are so far ahead of peoples who don’t have the money to get access to the technology and automatically they think their minds are at a higher level! The problem is they’re not, and when someone can point out the weak idiots in them and they can’t defend themselves mentally, they defend themselves physically. That is why I am and will always be in danger in Switzerhell. People want to kill me and I can feel it. Thank God for their fear of loosing their little comfort (if they had to go jail…). I found out with time that my best weapon is a phone: when they see someone is in contact with someone else, live, meaning there can be a witness on the phone, they won’t take chances on doing anything against you right there and then.

I know a few of them want to kill me for the bare fact that I dared point out and prove that they’re really dumb, with all their money. I have none. They go out of their way to show me they can make my life difficult with all kinds of little crap that is not worth going to the cops for. I have a job, but a lame job with no future and no passion for what I do, which is what poor people have. Being poor is also my protection in Switzerhell, because Swiss feel power over me because of their money. So by them feeling so powerful, they basically think that their little crap is enough to break me. It has infuriated me, it has built anger and hatred, but they have not broken me yet. Even if, if I have a bit more money , I could attack them legally for the crap they do to me, with a good lawyer and maybe feel a little less frustration . They want to kill me because I point out their poverty of the mind. I want to kill them because I can’t escape the country, and I shouldn’t have to want to. It’s sad, but I am not condemning them for wanting to kill me. That part I understand. I’d rather they really tried to go for the kill ( that would also enable me to defend myself and maybe kill in self-defense!) than mess with my life in small ways and attacking my kids ( =dogs). The thing is they let me and my dogs live for 4 years because I don’t show my love for my dogs that much in public and also I am strict and can be tough on my dogs and people with their simple minds think that when you yell at your dog , you don’t feel love for the animals. If they knew how I feel, my dogs would be have been dead. They ended up killing my big one after 4 years. I should probably thank them for having given us 4 years. Bastards!

The Swiss don’t have sanity. At the end of the day, they will sit by their window instead of talking to their loved ones or reading a book (…), to get information about someone that they could use against them later on. That’s how the Swiss live. They are full of hatred, because they are frustrated they’re not at the level they think they are! The very few tiny few Swiss who are not insane like that ( still pretty dumb in the way they think about life and the world since it’s always the same pattern of thinking), are the ones who actually admit that they are no Einstein. Frankly I have never met such people. I believe in exceptions so they must be around and I have heard of one or two . Of course those have not only traveled, but have been lucky enough to have had someone from another culture touch their souls to open a door that is usually locked and sealed for Swiss eternity.

　

　

　

Still today, tv, newspapers and schools teach children to think the same way and don’t give them any freedom of thought even if they created a twisted one way mentality with the thought that they are free to think how they want but the brainwashing is so strong that children actually believe they are free to think the way they want! Am I blaming the government? No. In 2008, people should wake up for their children and open that door that they have the money to open, for them. Some of them do open that door for their kids, and the kids leave the country and never come back. My mother sort of opened that door for me. My love for the US: The fact that when I lived there year after year, the love for a better society and a better quality of life cracked that door open for me. I then had to push that door open little by little myself. Had I opened that door wide when I was 20 years old, I would have done everything in my power to stay in the US. It’s not until recently, at 37 years old that I realize the things I could have done! I know it’s like for many people around the world, but I consider myself lucky to have cracked that door and have gotten it open by now, when the only Swiss who get there are the ones who get to live in the US when they are really young and without their Swiss parents. I was lucky. I am not trying to say I am better than the Swiss. I just know them well and have acquired a new vision of things of the world. I fell in, not love but, in place with the American culture and ways of thinking. The key word here is “ways”, because that’s what I appreciate even if the standard notion of living in a society that overall tries to grow and make things right, makes sense to me. Switzerhell doesn’t make sense to me. Ok so I like the US.

　

I am there in moron country where speaking French properly gets me insults about being a foreigner and not doing things the way Swiss do and the way it’s supposed to be. So I try to stay discreet, away from people as much as possible. I can’t get myself to speak improperly and with a think Swiss accent like I used to when I was little. So I try not to speak unless I have to. People now think I am shy, when I just hate their guts! French language is best spoken in France. I must say though since French is a bit snob, the Africans who live in France have taken French to another level of “well spoken” and cool at the same time. As for English, in Britain the accent and the way of talking is snob. Americans have taken English to another level. That is my own opinion.

I am Swiss. HELP! ( chapter4)

17years old, I was in the US, with a bit of money for school, or something else. Had I played my cards right I would be an American by now. That’s what being Swiss does to you: it does not allow you to think clearly. It does allow you to see that the US has so much more to offer and what I had to work on was a plan to stay there forever, and not go back to Hell. Being Swiss forces you to think that Switzerhell is really the best place in the end. Being Swiss keeps you trapped in the circle of thoughts that Switzerland is a great product. Therefore I always will come back to it. We Swiss, really are pretty good and the only way to stay great is to always go back to the country. It’s like they hypnotize you when you’re little. It is the marketing of the great Swiss image that is engrained in our brains since we’re little. Yet, this thought hides a deeper sense of :”because we are the scum of humanity, in order not to realize it and go kill others and then ourselves, we have to think we are great and that we know everything and do everything better than others.” I unfortunately was trapped in the thought process that the thought of going back to Switzerhell back then, whether it was for a vacation or for work, didn’t repulse me. So the first Christmas was coming and my mother thought she should miss me more around that time so she called and said I should come home for the holidays. Anyways, I went back to the crooked ugly old home town for winter break. It seems like sometimes, we never learn. A pedophile’s paradise, the town where the cop’s son living 2 houses down, had scared the hell out of me by sexually harassing me and my mother on the phone for about 3 years, and who had raped a girlfriend of mine without anyone wanting to believe her. He then went on becoming a cop himself. But since it was the cop’s son, no one could say anything and life had to go on like nothing happened. I had decided to go back to that town for 3 weeks, when I was living in the best country in the world. I didn’t only do it for my mother, I actually was glad to come home ( as filthy as home was). I also knew I wasn’t there for long. But no matter how much more freedom I had in the US, as a woman, as an individual, I did carry a lot of Swiss bagage that even in a great city in the US, a few Swiss diseases would come up once in a while to mess up my life. I remember a few months earlier in the US, we ( I had 2 female roommates) had gotten a weird phone call from a guy in the middle of the night. I was terrified. The girls didn’t understand why I was so scared of a phone call since I wasn’t scared of going to all kinds of places at night or going to parts of town that weren’t really recommended. Well the reason was that I had been traumatized by that idiot son of a B ‘s phone calls 2 years earlier! And the sense of helplessness that I had learned from the fact that it was the cop’s son and that we couldn’t touch him in Swiss society lied deeper in my unconscious than the fact that I knew that in the US, I had more rights and help in general, than in Switzerhell.

So I was back home ( or so I called it for many years) for Christmas. My mother invited the family, people I didn’t feel close to, except my father’s mother, who I saw for the last time because she died not too long after that Christmas. I was happy to see her since she was the only member of my family I ever felt like I was related to, and I knew she had made a big effort to come to my mother’s house to spend Christmas with mostly my mother’s side of the family. She wasn’t fond of my mother but she always was very respectful and nice. I thought I would see her again but I never did. My life was beginning and hers was ending . She was a strong woman and she went through so much. She had lost her daughter , my aunt, who threw herself under a train when her own children (twins) were 4 years old. She had lost her husband two years later, and my father, her son, died 7 years later. She thought differently than everyone else. People weren’t good to her but she had strong faith. I wish I had her faith. She saw me happy and I hope I passed on some of that happiness. She was her usual self with her dignity no matter what she was going through. I wasn’t very sensitive at the time so I didn’t detect her energy, nor feel that she was at the end of her life. She said she had pain in her legs but I thought that was it. Also not only was I not sensitive, but I wasn’t aware of anything. I was still somewhat of a stupid Swiss, thinking about myself but not in an organic way, in a weird ” I don’t know what I am doing in the world” kind of silly way . I had gotten better in SF, was starting to be a better person but it was just the beginning, like a tiny flower that had a lot of growing to do. I had potential at the time. Had I never come back to Switzerhell after that time, I could have created a better life for myself.

So anyway, we had great food and boring family talks. Then I spent 2 weeks hanging out at cafés with old friends, answering all their questions about the US and what I was doing. It seemed they were interested and since they were kids I went to school with, ands kids that I thought were my friends, I spent a lot of time telling them everything I could about my life in the US. At the time I still enjoyed answering those questions. I was happy to be in the US and was blind and deaf to their jealous sarcastic comments , somehow proving that they didn’t know much about the world and still thought they knew everything and were the best. But it took me years to realize those things. It was another time later that I went back to my “home town”, and spent time with one guy who I didn’t think much of, but it turned out he was the only one who told me stories about how my supposed friends would say the nastiest things about me after I had just spent an hour talking to them about the US, and yes about how great it was. I couldn’t believe some of the stuff these young people were capable of thinking, about me, a friend… But I really didn’t have to see them again, ever, so I forgot about those lame souls. I know that their hatred came from jealousy mostly, so I pity them.

　

I then went back to the US. I had gotten a room in a German’s woman house which I thought would be great. I didn’t know to stay away from Europeans back then. But I quickly felt wrong at their house. There was that dark European heavy air which I didn’t understand yet, but I nevertheless felt. I left. I went to the place where my mother and I lived when I was 12, a residence with mostly foreign people, some students, some working, some just visiting. I liked that place because it reminded me of the time with my mother, and because I liked to be around international people, well actually there were many Europeans… But I was still weak and needed to keep a link with my mother and that residence was that link in the US. If I could have let go of that umbilical cord and freed myself from my mother, I could have transferred all the money I had from my father instead of letting her manage it and send it for school only. I didn’t even know how much I had exactly. Sometimes she would tell me I had hardly anything left, then the year later I ‘d find out that I still had a lot to pay for the expensive foreign student fees at university. I went to four universities, changing my mind, my major. Not on purpose, but by changing schools, I had different advisers, to whom I told I had different interests. I was changing my mind all the time. My mother couldn’t advise me there so I did what I felt was right every semester, but it was never right since I was changing major all the time. I was searching. I was a poor Swiss soul with a great gift of living in the US, but I didn’t have the logic to use it productively. I shouldn’t have gone to school until I had tried more dance training since that was my passion. I was like a two year old who had been given a motorcycle. It’s like I took the bike apart because I was thrilled I had it and I had to do something with it. I looked at the pieces, played with them, but didn’t use the bike to better my life in the long run. It took me all these years to get rid of whatever Swiss stupidity that was left in me. I believe I still struggle to get rid of some pieces here and there. I do feel freer inside since my 2 dogs entered my life. It’s like they were 2 angels sent to me because I really needed them. And since the Swiss are slow, it took me 36 years to know what I want, and at that age, I am broke and struggling. Frustration of being in a country that is hell along with not having money, being without allies, would be deadly without my dogs, because there was one thing I learned in the US which was not to be a victim, not to feel I have to take people’s crap. My dogs were there to bring me that positivism that I need to keep to keep my head out of the water. If my dogs hadn’t been there in all those years living in Switzerhell, I don’t know where I could have found that positivism. Certainly not in people.

In the US, I liked people a lot more, everywhere I went. However on a romantic note, I couldn’t let white men come too close to me, they reminded me of the Swiss. I found refuge in dating black men. They were crazy, freer than anyone I had ever met, even though being black in America isn’t always the most freeing feeling. Looking back, I think it was more their way of dealing with their not so lucky nor free in their country, that I admired. Even if they didn’t have society on their side, people would mess with them and close a lot of doors in their face, they would still have that zest for life, that style, that rage to keep fighting. As a Swiss woman, all you learn is to take the punches, to duck and to stay quiet. I admired the spirit of the black American culture. I surely learned from it. I came to think I liked black men only, so I was closing the door to all other men. It was silly. It was like a revenge on Swiss men which I associated with white men in general. I was saying: “Here, look, I don’t even see you anymore!” I was deep in black American culture and thought it was cool and felt right. Well it did for a while. Truth is I was so longing for something far away from Swiss that I hung on to a culture I liked, not realizing that I was limiting myself, closing doors, just like a good Swiss would do. I had fun and I learned a lot but didn’t find a man that I could build a future with.

I went back to Switzerhell for a few Christmas. I somehow enjoyed going to check on the primitives and show them a thing or two. Those were idiot times. But I am Swiss after all, so an idiot. I liked to go show off how good my English had gotten. I also showed off how much progress I had made as a dancer. nobody knew much about dancing that it was like showing a dog how to play chess. I remember teaching aerobics in a health club, and working out afterwards in the gym. I was stretching, and this man came to me and yelled at me , in a very serious voice: ” What are you doing opening your legs like that?” I was shocked at his attitude but knew that this poor man has never seen a woman stretch the way I was. At the gym if a woman was a bit more flexible than others, she wouldn’t how off because she knew it would only bring her enemies. I know am very annoyed at that way of thinking, always having to hide your talent in order not to make others jealous and nasty. Back then, I still had a foot in the US so it would just be another story to tell my friends in the US. During those times I enjoyed having 2 worlds, the one in the US and the one in Switzerhell when I’d come back to. The very different worlds were like having 2 cultures and thinking I was making the best of it. I was young. I was not really living in Switzerhell. I was coming back for holidays, and we all know one can’t judge a place based on a holiday or two. I had lived in Switzerhell when I was young and I had suffered my dad’s death and living with a single mother, all the badgering and the harassment on my mother. I thought all was forgotten, life was good. Going back and forth, from the US to Switzerhell for the holidays was not a good idea but the best way for me to live my life at the time. Every time I took the plane back to the US, I had to cry, cry a lot even in the plane. I couldn’t help it. It was leaving my mother that was making me cry that much. I didn’t even understand it. I wasn’t so sad to leave, but it was guttural. I either cried because I was more attached to my mother that I wanted or I had a serious Swiss problem! She was my only family so I always felt very close to her, but she was never very close to me. She never gave me anything but material things. Poor me but at least it taught me to be my best friend and I am an adult who doesn’t need another human being around to help me emotionally or psychologically. But she at least helped me feel good with myself, like myself, like being alone. I can spend quality time with myself. Now I have my dogs which I love and I couldn’t be without them. But dogs’ company is not like human, it’s presence of a soul but the connection with animals is different than with humans. I don’t need the presence of a human but I enjoy great humans around me when that is possible! In Switzerland there is no such thing…

My mother had a Brazilian boyfriend when we were in the US for 6 months, and he did ask her to move to Brazil with her, and he was willing to take me along. I would have finished school in Brazil. She didn’t have the guts. I think going to the US alone with her daughter for 6months was all the adventure and risk she could handle. It had been a big deal for her not only to organize our 6 months stay, but she also had had to deal with people telling her it was a bad idea, it was too risky, it was not good for me, etc,etc. She had wanted to take the sabbatical year she was allowed to take after 10 years of teaching, so she didn’t listen to all these Swiss people trying to stop her from doing what she thought was going to be good for her and for me. Even if it seemed that her and that Brazilian guy were really in love, and for me, out of all the men she had dated after my father’s death, this guy was the only one I ever liked as a person. So it could have worked. We could have moved to Brazil. But my mother couldn’t take the risk. The Swiss fears in her quickly came surging in, telling her to take the safe road, back to Switzerhell.

When I was in the US alone, going to school, I wasn’t visualizing a future for myself. I was trying to enjoy every single days as if the Swiss devil was, one day or another, going to send me back to hell. He was also sending me messages: “Having too much fun is bad! I will soon have to send you back to Switzerhell where you belong!”. The only true exit I could create for myself was a safe drug. It became dancing, and with more adrenaline: aerobics. I was an aerobics junkie for a while. I liked the dancing mixed with the high energy. I thought it was good to be an aerobics addict opposed to any other kind of drugs, I thought. Well since I put so much energy in aerobics, took a lot of classes, I always needed more. I had less and less energy left for classes at school. I wasn’t doing so well. We had a fire at the residence where I was living one night and we were all moved to a hotel. It was so much fun. I liked the fact that we were taken to a hotel in a bus in the middle of the night, and then we got to stay at the hotel for about 5 days. Needless to say the standard was higher at the hotel, it was luxurious compared to our little residence, so I had fun. In the middle of the euphoria, a cool guy from Iran said he was giving out a ticket for a trip to Hawaii with flight and hotel for half the price since he had 2 tickets and his German girlfriend couldn’t make it. Me, the Swiss who had never been anywhere and was in fear of my good life ending soon, took him on his offer because I thought I wouldn’t get the chance to go to Hawaii ever again. There we were, 3 weeks later, in Hawaii…Decent guy, didn’t try to seduce me or anything. Well he was probably scared of what it would look like, an Iranian guy attacking a younger girl. I don’t know if that’s what he thought, all I know is that he was cool. We shared a room, different beds, went to the beach and visited other places. I had planned on studying while I was there since I missed school for a week, but it was too hard… One day I met this other guy from Hawaii who took me to another beach and who also didn’t take advantage of me, really nice guy. For a Swiss girl, to meet guys that are nice and pleasant without trying to take advantage of me, was like heaven. I do however remember that at that beach I had gone into the water and got trapped in a wave where I quickly had the feeling I was going to die, but I fought really hard and swam through like a crazy person. That was scary. I thought that was the Swiss devil saying: “See I could take you down anytime! and you are having too much fun and it’s bad!” As a Swiss, having fun is like a foreign language you are not supposed to learn. So overall Hawaii was fun but when I got back, I realized I fell back in my studies and couldn’t catch up with the others. I wasn’t about to study day and night…. I had to go to aerobics! Well ok, I was silly at that time. But it was the Swiss girl coming of the deep sad cynic mentality of Switzerhell, and not wanting to go back to it, so I needed dancing and aerobics to keep me happy! I wasn’t ready for university, I hardly knew myself or what I really was interested in, in this world. So I dropped out of that semester. Needless to say, it was a big mistake. I remember my mother came to visit at that time. She was upset and made me feel guilty that I couldn’t do anything right and that I was going to pay for it later in life. However she was actually happy to be on holidays. She wanted me to feel miserable, she didn’t want it to ruin her trip. The Swiss are really good at punishing others in all sorts of ways, but feeling like they themselves do the right thing. My mother did succeed at making feel miserable. And that was her goal. I thought that was what mothers did, make you feel miserable when you deserve it. Mothers giving love and all that, I didn’t know about. I didn’t even realize she had been a “bad” mother until I got my first dog later, a small breed. This little dog was the cutest thing ever. I was so happy to have him in my life. He was bringing me su much joy and motivation every single morning when I would see him. I really needed that back then. My mother yelled at me for getting that dog like I had committed a crime or done something really bad. There was no reason to get upset for that little dog. She was really jealous that I could feel so happy with that small dog. It bothered her.

　

After I dropped out of school that semester, I wanted to work, get into the real world. I thought that’s what I wanted. The Swiss had a “revelation”. She needed to work. I couldn’t work and go to school, that was too much for my Swiss brain to comprehend, plus I needed my aerobics dosage every day. So I looked for a job, found one in a tourist shop by the wharf. I was selling T-shirts and souvenirs. At first it was new and I enjoyed it, but it soon became boring and I quit after about 6months. I moved back into the girls’ apartment with the 2 roommates. I was taking more and more dance classes. I got a job offer at the YMCA as an aerobics coordinator, which I refused because I would miss all my favorite dance classes which happened on Monday and Wednesday nights… Silly, silly, silly. If I could turn back time, that’s one of the things I would change: take that job!! A stupid Swiss like me, offered a job as a coordinator? I didn’t even see the honor. I was just holding on to my “fun” life, like I was counting the days, like it was going to be taken from me, but I myself couldn’t end it by working fulltime while missing my favorite classes! My mother said I should go back to school. She used to say I was full of illusions. I was dreaming too much, I had had too much luck so far. The greatest motivation I ever got in my life was from my dance teachers. They were always the ones who gave me strength, mental ad physical and told me I could do things, I had potential. Maybe they could see through my dancing that I could be a better and stronger person than what I had grown up to be in Switzerhell.

I guess I could have become a great person, but my downfall was that I was so attached to the Hell I came from. When I was in the US for a while, I always started missing Switzerhell. I would think of the good times there, totally forget about the bad times. So if the excuse wasn’t Christmas, it was something else. One of my roommates had never been to Europe and like most young Americans, she was dying to go there. It didn’t help me stay away from home when all Americans would tell me was how great Europe was, or probably was… So for one summer, my roommate and I had decided to go to Switzerhell for a while, then to Paris for an acting course and then visit Italy. Going back to Europe was always a mistake for me. I would never learn anything. I should not have gone back at all. But it was fun. Paris at the Florent school, and then the vacation in Italy. It reminded me of all the vacation that I spent there with my father. He used to only want to go to Italy on vacation when he was there. When I was little, we went to Italy every summer, to different places but always Italy. My roommate wanted to visit Italy, the big cities and the monuments since she had some Italian heritage in her and it was her first time there.

Then I went to NYC. I enrolled in an acting summer program, and a dancing intensive at NYU. I then enrolled for a semester at NYU in the Dance education department. That ate up half of the money I had left. I had an audition at Julliard. Stupid me didn’t go! I don’t remember if it was because I knew I didn’t have the money to do the 4 years even if I got admitted in the school or if it was because I thought I wouldn’t make it anyway. As a Swiss, I knew I couldn’t compete with all these real dancers. As my mother told me, since I didn’t start dancing when I was 5 or 6, I could never be a true professional dancer. That was how it was. I believed her. A Swiss girl can be dumb! I had my first acting agent, who sent me on a lot of auditions, but my Swiss self didn’t get any. I was too nervous, too awkward. He also started to flirt with me and that turned me right off. He reminded me of Swiss men in his behavior. After my summer intensive at NYU, and before agreeing to study in the dance education department, I wanted to attend Tish School of the Arts. Someone from the school came to see me in ballet and said I wasn’t ready for Tish, I wouldn’t be admitted…

　

Great things happened to me in the US considering I was this lazy messed up, lost in the world, Swiss girl. I lived a lot of exciting events, good times with fun people. But when I think back in Switzerhell, the most exciting event that ever happened was probably the day we went to get our first dog, Sirius, the Bernese. He came from a farm next to a small castle. I remember I was excited. Feelings at the time were blurry, but I didn’t know of any more exciting feelings. I was Swiss, I didn’t have real feelings. But I thought I was excited. I was just a kid and like every other kid, was experiencing feelings. In Switzerhell,we thought we felt a certain way because society was telling us, other people were telling us we must feel like this or like that. Adults don’t even have feelings , they just think they do. It’s a weird concept to explain. I was dull just like any other Swiss. The thought of getting a puppy is supposed to be an exciting thought, just like all the families who get their first puppy. Unfortunately, most of these families in Switzerhell don’t know about dogs, and end up giving up the grown puppy. We kept our puppy, knowing that we had someone who would take him when we went away on holidays, week-ends, etc. No Swiss knows how lucky Switzerhell is to have puppies in the countries. I say it is too ugly a place for puppies. Puppies are full of life, they only know joy. They are the anti-Swiss way of seeing the world. Switzerland doesn’t deserve to have dogs.

I believe I opened up out of the Swiss shell a bit, somewhere in my young life when I was in the US. It is hard to say when. I guess I was lucky because most Swiss I know who move to a different country don’t change at all. I changed bit by bit, not at once. But I can see and feel ( in this case feelings are important) the difference of myself before and after. Some will say that I was a kid and of course a person evolves as she grows up. But no, it’s more like I didn’t grow up, I grew out of the filth a little bit ( and a little bit is a lot for a Swiss). I don’t why I was lucky enough to get that openness at that time, which developed. I should have never come back to Switzerhell as an adult, because now that I feel things, I see how disgusting that place is. And being Swiss hurts more because when you see another group of people or foreigners acting a certain way, you can just say: Oh well, that’s how THEY are. But as much as I can feel like a foreigner at times, Switzerhell is still where I am from. I can’t forget that I am Swiss. And coming back to Switzerhell as an adult has turned me into this:

　

My life in this dirty place

I could shoot these people for staring at me a certain way and for looking at my dog a certain way. Have I gone nuts? Have I become so sensitive ? Am I acting like a ghetto kid who can’t stand being stared at? Well, talk about ghetto, I have always felt right at home in the ghetto areas in New York. I lived in Harlem for a while, not the pretty part, and I have always felt people were like the Swiss, or vice versa. They stare in an ugly way, like they want to kill you but they can’t, or like they hate you but they don’t know exactly why. It’s been like that ever since my mother and I moved out to live the in an apartment just the 2 of us . The Swiss are like ghetto people in the way they speak their language while making a lot of grammatical mistakes, in their case, French. I never understood why the Swiss couldn’t speak French properly like the French. And no, it’s not because they all speak Swiss-German because most don’t. We learn German at school at an early age but like everyone who learns a language in school, only a few remember much of it when they finish school. And the Swiss don’t know how to dress, just like in the ghetto, you see weird-ass combinations of pieces of clothing even if when you dress like everyone else you get less stares, but a lot of Swiss don’t care about the other animals staring at them because they know they do the same. And like ghetto people, they talk like they know everything about everything! The more you know , the more you realize that you don’t know much…Well, they don’t learn much except their school stuff, like math, history and geography. They think they’re the best in everything and that they have all the answers. Of course, you also have a bunch of shy people who don’t express themselves much, and those can be as vicious as the loud ones. The Swiss is not a society who pushes talent and brains. The way to fit in is to be average. I did my best to fit in until I went to the US when I was 12. Then my life changed forever. I came back after 6 months in the US, and I knew then I had become different and I expected everyone to stare. It was normal. I didn’t run from it. I was almost enjoying it. It’s only later that I learned about the kind of disgusting comments people would say about me, like ” who does she think she is acting different just because she went to the United States?” ” I hate her, the way she is and acts” coming from people who acted like friends. When I learned about all that, I still couldn’t be bothered. Living in Switzerhell when I was 13 to 16, after I had been to the US and lived at a faster pace, physically and especially mentally, it was tough. That was why I felt the need to go back at 17. I was liking life more and more, living in such a better world. I grow up in a culture like the Swiss where real warmth in people is very rare, I really had no idea what it was. When some men gave me real warmth, yet didn’t ask me to sleep with them I was confused. Being Swiss was a handicap. My father being dead only played a small role in me being messed up, emotionally. Most Swiss are. I went back to the US on several occasions, trying different things, learning along the way and growing to be me, and getting to know me. I have a certain sick attraction to coming back to Switzerhell not only because my mother is there but sometimes I think I have learned enough and I am ready to have a quiet life in my home country. The first times I came back there and tried to settle, I would get a fun job like teaching aerobics, so life wasn’t so bad even if I would always get sick of it after a year and want to go back to the US. And that I did. But money was getting low, and visas were getting hard to get.

Well living in Switzerhell as an adult had turned me into someone who wants revenge because the pain is too much. I am often at the point where either I ‘ll hurt someone or my sanity or health will be harmed. My health has already been harmed, when I live in Switzerhell I have so much stress because of the peace that I don’t get, and that’s not even talking about the worries of money, car, job, apartment…. It’s the people and their nasty comments and actions on an every day basis. I did come back to Europe because my mother was telling me she’d get a garden and a house that I’d rent . I have seen nothing of a house with a garden, only my cheap chalet with no running water. But I am also feeling that my health is deteriorating because of the stress and the goal it seems these people have to ruin my life. I know it’s only a feeling. I know the Swiss are not that organized, to plan on ruining my life. I have gotten to the point where I can’t even stand these people around me, so the bear fact of seeing them around gives me stress. My cholesterol level is super high, and I am not really fat. It’s the stress. I’ll have a nervous breakdown or I’ll have cancer or another illness which I may be on the way of getting , because of these trash-ass people who won’t leave me alone. So if any one of these vermine fucks goes too far I obviously won’t be able to handle it, and I will strangle one of them. It may be funny to write that, and if some people would know this they would either not believe it or think I am going crazy, but the thing is I am still somewhat smart and sane! I am just not into destroying myself in order to be their cherished victim. I fight back and so far I have been able to think about patience, that I would get my revenge later, that I’ll get lucky and life will get so good for me that it’ll be the best revenge ever. But it doesn’t feel right, this life doesn’t feel good right now. Every time I come back to that country . But the fact that I could be illegal in the US and the thought of having me and the dogs deported , as I have heard happened to some French people, made me very nervous about going back to the US without a proper visa. I may not have weighed all the points right, but I still came back to Switzerhell because I can work and make enough money to live on my own, even poor, I can survive. In NYC it was harder the last time I went. The US is great and as a citizen, I know I could make a living, even have a career, but as a foreigner, poverty is a killer.

　

There is a country out there that I love, the US where I am not legal to work or to stay long term. And there is a country where I am legal to work and be, but the people treat me as if I needed to get out of the country. I am so sick and tired of the Swiss. If these people had to struggle a little more, they wouldn’t have so much time on their hands to mess with other people’s lives. At the gym, I get sick when they pass by me close, just to show me they can, and that they exist! I’d understand if the atmosphere at the gym was all fun and crazy cool…. But it’s definitely not! When you listen to the kind of conversations they have, well since unfortunately I understand their language, are uninteresting , not funny and they so have nothing to say that they talk about the weather for 10 minutes or things like that… They sicken me when they think they are so smart and so important, I feel like puking when there are too many Swiss around at the gym or anywhere else. And when on top of being Swiss, they’re all majorly ugly older guys with shorts….Yuck caca yuck¨! I can be funny and tell you how these older men like to wear shorts, both to show their legs that are still active, and to let their skin breathe… The young guys at the gym don’t wear shorts. It’s not funny how older men should hide their legs and the younger ones could show a few. Older men rule the world, I know. Am I over sensitive? Maybe I was spoiled in the US, maybe I was around too many fun people all the time and I can’t stand a bit of scum anymore. American women don’t know how good they have it! They think they just have it good when they compare themselves to women who have to wear veils or who don’t have the right to vote or who are kept at home in some countries. But there are those little every day rights that seem like nothing sometimes, and are very important to well-being.

　

Sometimes I think I’ll only feel better when I have taken my revenge, when I have killed all the fucks who have messed with my life for no other reason than to bug me! If at least I had looked for s*** in the first place, then I’d say ok I can’t be surprised. But no. Sometimes I feel like the only reason I don’t kill them ( well yes kill because hurting them would only make them want to attack me more), is for my dogs, because I couldn’t bear the fact that I’d be sent in jail and my dogs to the pound. The thought of my 2 dogs in a cage at the pound wondering why I abandoned them, well that thought only could kill me, if not by me just thinking then by me killing myself. I am not suicidal but my dogs are my kids and any drastic horrible thing happening to them because of me, I couldn’t bear. Even if sometimes I am really hard on Shadow, have been tough with him, I consider him my son, like Shiva ( who I don’t ask much of). When I am mad at Shadow for something he did, or didn’t do most often, I may not be as protective and if anything happened to him in that period of time it would be partly his fault so I wouldn’t kill myself…. But me in jail while they are still alive, I couldn’t stand. That would be the worse feeling I could think of ever. So I hold back, I don’t kill people… for my dogs’ sake!!!

Thinking about why do I let these verminous people get to me? Why can’t I ignore them? At the gym, at the store, on the road, etc. Well aside from the fact that I am alone against them ( I dont want a man to protect me unless it’s Mr Right), it’s because I am poor. Poverty sucks! That is the main frustration that I am feeling helpless. Being poor is the reason why I can’t ignore pricks, and why I am feeling so miserable. That’s why I have so much hatred. I often ignore the fact that I am poor. I act like I am rich, and I feel better and then fall on my ass in many ways. I have to admit that I am poor and I can’t stand it!!! I am feeling miserable. I need money so much more then love to protect myself from these Swiss bastards.

I grew up in Switzerhell, thinking I was rich. All my school years, being an only child, we ( with my father when he was alive and then only with my mother) used to go on vacation three or four times a year when my friends would only go once or twice . I somehow thought we were richer because of that. It was when I went to the US alone when I was 17 that I started to see that there are people out there who are really rich…At the time I had some money, I had money from my father’s death so it’s not like I felt poor in the beginning. I went to university and gave a lot of money there like that. I was 18 so I could have done anything I wanted with that money but my mother was in control, telling me what to do. Of course I was half way across the world but somehow I still gave her control over that money. She wanted me to go to university ( because my father would have wanted me to do so she always said…). I so wasn’t ready, I was an ignorant Swiss who was discovering a better world, and trying to take advantage of it!! As if it was going to stop at some point… Was I psychic or just had a loser’s mind?? I now think I have always had a loser’s mind… coming from this verminous country, with the engrained fear and unconscious thought that women can’t do much in life. I had opportunities, I always messed things up for myself. The only good thing I pursued was dancing. Even that I messed up. I thought I needed love , but I needed mental help to overcome the Swiss verminous roots in my brain. I never found love. I met great guys, no doubt, great black men. Poor men mostly. I never had any marriage proposal. I must say I have always protected myself a bit by not letting men into my life too much, because I am proud, or unable to have real intimate relationships because of the lack of warmth from my childhood. From my father I strangely don’t remember much. I learned warmth from some men in life but maybe I couldn’t give it back. I don’t know I always say I haven’t been really lucky in love. But having dated mostly black men, I have to say that I didn’t have any bad experience either. Love is hard to find for everyone. I think people settle too often for companionship rather than waiting for love. But poverty is the worse thing in the world. If you have real love I guess you can sort of cry together… I do it with my dogs, it feels better for 10 minutes but then reality hits back. The problem with being poor in that country where people are scum, is that they will mess with you more when you are poor, because they can! And looking at these rich people, mostly idiots, thinking they can mess with poor people’s life just because they can!! Revenge is my only happy thought about these scum! Before they had messed with me, and all I wanted was to get out of there, which I still do, but I am not sure it will be enough. I think I have endured too much crap over the years from these Swiss people to just let it go! And seeing them driving in their expensive cars to their million dollar homes , it makes me hate even more! I am frustrated because I am poor I admit, I hate being poor so much. I am ashamed of it even though I pretend I am fine ( I dont even realize it ), but really I am just covering, the pain, the hurt. I want to do so many things that require money that without it, I am just surviving, hanging. I don’t think I can attract real love feeling like this as well, so it’s like I have got to have money to find me first! It’s not that I haven’t found me because one thing I am confident about is that now at my age I can say I know who I am and what I want. I don’t always know what to choose in the lesser choices, like from one shitty job to another, or one crapy apartment to another: Those choices I am not good at because iti’s not really what I want. But I guess I am a looser because I haven’t been able to get money on my own in the world, somehow. Knowing that I didn’t want to marry an ugly, boring man for money because I couldn’t have, I would rather be poor….but I am suffering from being poor, more than I want to admit. I always want to say that I am happy, I complain a lot but I am happy. I want to believe that. In reality it’s eating me alive to be poor, and to be poor in that country! My country! Yuck!!!

I am so saddened by the fact that I come from such a lame ugly culture. I have been watching a lot of Indian movies lately and I admire their rich beautiful culture. It’s full of great things, full of love and respect. There are scum bags in every country I am sure, but the majority is a certain way which defines the country as a whole. The US has great values, great common sense and lots of fun and positive vibes. Switzerland is such a disgusting, hypocritical, hating- their- neighbors, majority of scum bags all over the country. They are a bunch of humans with lost souls who don’t know why they’re here, as they shouldn’t be because they’re not worthy of living. They are so messed up and dumb, that they can’t enjoy all that money that they have. I know there are some poor Swiss, like me, but that’s a minority. All the streets look clean, but go to these people’s houses, even the rich ones and you will see trash! disease! And inside their minds is the worst trash really! No souls, no beauty inside, no energy, no life!! Unbelievably dull and worthless people! I have met people from many cultures and there always was something I liked in them. I have yet to meet an uglier culture than the Swiss. A lot of countries have a lot of problems and the world can usually see these problems. Switzerland has a filthy people living on the land and no one knows about it. The elite of that country shows a great image and hides its people because they are so filthy. The country welcomes foreigners, the rich and smart ones rather, to make up for all the idiot Swiss. The country is becoming like a rich ghetto of idiots with a small minority of smart foreigners who run businesses. The foreigners integrate less and less. They live in the same areas and start building villages where they are in majority. I wish I came from a great culture. Like the US for example, the country has bad people but those don’t define the country. They are exceptions. They are the ones we see on TV in Europe though. That’s why Europeans tend to say Americans are crazy, messed up and more. Because the US is big on showing everything on TV, unlike other countries who hide things, and Switzerland hides a lot compared to its worldwide image!!!

Most Europeans who are right next to Switzerhell don’t know about the Swiss. Take the French who are living next door to the French speaking part of Switzerhell, well they hate the Swiss but most French you ask why they don’t know really, they come up with things like : they don’t know how to drive or they hate us so we hate them, or little stupid differences. Reality is they feel the ugliness and filthiness of these Swiss people, but they can’t put their finger on it really. I am not a fan of the French, one can hate them for their arrogance and what not, but you can’t hate them totally, there is always something you can find in their culture which you’ll like, whether it’s their food, humour, silliness or other, but that’s what makes a culture all right when there are things you can appreciate. But realistically, if you ask foreigners who live in Switzerhell, the things they like about Swiss culture, most of them can’t come up with one, except maybe the clean streets… Which if you go to the big cities, it’s just as dirty as any other city in the world, and if you go to villages, you can find clean villages all over the world as well. People , even foreigners are so brainwashed by the Swiss image, that they don’t realize that nothing is unique there. And the people are not even decent!!!!It’s sad to come from a such a place. It’s sad to have no other country to call home. I am sad.

Little things sometimes get to you when they are repetitive. Living in this country for me is like living in a foreign country that you didn’t choose and that you hate. You made a mistake and you’re stuck there. I feel stuck. It’s like being in jail. I am not enjoying anything except my dogs. I still have my spirit and I want to enjoy things like the gym which I love usually. It’s a gross space with vermine everywhere. Oh some gyms are clean, some are dirty, full of diseases and germs, but that’s not even my point. Yes it should be clean, since the first image of this country is CLEAN. But some health clubs, like the big chains save money on the cleaning salaries.. I don’t care about that if the place is fun, or people treat others like smart human beings that they should be, not low life animals! I love animals by the way, but not with two legs and a human brain…. Health clubs are for meeting people because they sit on machines and stare, and wait… They’ve got really sophisticated machines and equipment, but the level of training is far from the technology! In poor countries where some people want to train , sometimes can’t even afford to go to the gym, they have old machines and still use them in a smarter way! Of course in the US, in the expensive gyms, people know how to work out mostly. Qualified trainers are there to help if not. In Switzerhell there are trainers, hardly qualified, but if people would at least listen to the trainer, they would work out in a half decent way. The problem with these idiots is that they think they know everything, but they don’t know jack! Because they have money , they think they know everything about everything! I know a few uneducated poor people in the US who pretend to know everything. It’s the denial complex. Denial to be poor and uneducated. the Swiss are strongly convinced they know a lot!! usually in the real world, the more you know the more you realize that you don’t know much! If they know a bit more than their neighbor, they think they rule the world! These people are pathetic! Can this hell hole exist?? Is that country made for the rich idiotic people of the world? I am just trying to find it an excuse sometimes. Like if this country had turned into a place where the riches of the world can come and put their money and live 3 months a year in highly guarded mansions. A group of people has turned these Swiss people into morons who would shut up and leave the rich alone because their brains have become so ill!? They keep the salaries pretty high so that Swiss people stay satisfied and they threaten their confort if they open their mouths about anything. And their brains being so dull, they won’t start thinking about things! They put barriers on everything, close doors in people’s faces. Could it be that some people somewhere have created that idiot place. People like me, who aren’t rich have to live around these morons! Because if you’re rich, you can live in the country without having to interact with people from there. Switzerhell has been without a war, without any risk of rebels, extremists, etc for some reason….Well yes if they created that place to be the way it is. Small-ass cops might not even know that that place is controlled by higher intelligence. I am just trying to find ways to explain that stupid place and its people! Otherwise the world would know, the world would point their finger at these idiots! The world and the media usually easily points a finger! But funnily enough Switzerhell has been exempt from that! Jewish people tried to do it about their money that was lost in Swiss banks. But as much as we heard a lot about that story on the news, it funnily ended after a while and no one ever talked about it again! As if the money that Switzerhell paid was really all the money that Jewish people had put in Swiss banks!!! Come on! I wonder if the Jewish people who came out and dared open their mouths are still alive… Who knows.. Swiss banks gave millions, but they should have given more. The Swiss however were forced to give that money back. It didn’t belong to them but they were holding it and thought no one would ever dare come and ask for it with such a big scandal. The Swiss were hurt and angry. That’s one of the great things the United States taught me: to feel free to open my mouth if I feel it’s right! Not to be afraid to say things even if someone out there will not like it! American culture has so many great aspects when it comes to human growth, integrity and believing in one’s self. American culture is great in just about every aspect if you ask me. Of course not every single person is applying those aspects into their lives. But that’s normal, as long as the majority is strong and smart. In Switzerhell, the majority is dumb, dull, bitter and vicious. How can one live in a place like that? You can’t live alone there that’s for sure. You have got to live in tribes, or couples at the very least!! I have lived my share of hellish years, when do I get out? It’s like jail. The funny thing is that jail in Switzerland is not worse than society in general. If I didn’t have my dogs, I would feel better in a jail than outside. Cops do what they want in or out of jail. Criminals run around in and outside of jails. The milk is good in and out of jail. Yes I like milk there and in jail they serve Swiss milk as well! Plus the violence is not greater in jail from what I have heard. Murder happens and is not reported, is unknown, in and outside of jail. Conversations between people must be just as fascinating in than out of jail! So really if I have to be stuck in that place, I ‘ll stay out of jail for my dogs, but then who knows? Unfortunately dogs don’t live as long as humans.

I love the rich. I went to a job interview in a big hotel in Geneva. I probably didn’t get it because I felt sick as soon as I got in and it probably showed. The personnel is so hypocritical, and you can tell. They are supposed to be overly nice and hypocritical or not, no one is supposed to tell! I was just looking around at that world: All the jewelry for millions of dollars, all the facial creams which also cost a millions dollars…The conversations about nothing, bla bla bla. All the scumbags’ wives who think their husbands work in reputable firms….And their big bad worries are about what to wear and how much not to weigh! I am dying to become rich but god forbid, I will never be part of that cream!

　

I can’t believe I am in Switzerhell.

Some days like , I can’t believe I ended up in that country again, after having lived in great country like the USA. I have seen life, people with great spirits and charm. I somehow came back in that rat hole. How did that happen? How did I do that to myself? My thought process I understand and since I am Swiss I know that something in me has become border suicidal because I can’t stand being from Switzerland and I’d like to kill that part of me, but above all I thought I grew, I learned…And there I am 36 years old and back in that country, with no money to go anywhere!! I am in a big hole. I don’t see how I am going to get out of it. If I don’t my life is over.

The Swiss are spiritless and soul-less. They are such an interesting people they make me vomit. It’s not because I know them well that I take them for granted, no it’s because I know them well that I know how dull their insides are. Some foreigners might think they have something different in the beginning because they are not like them but after a while they realize that they love the Swiss at a distance. I am not sure there is another people on this planet that is so plain, dull and without a spirit! Poor countries have other rich culture traits, are passionate and creative. Rich countries use their money to educate themselves , to experience life in many ways. Switzerhell has the frustration of the dumb and the lack of motivation of the poor even if they have money! These people are no fun to be around, they have no conversation, no sense of humour ( trust me the ones that think they do are pretty ridiculous). I feel like I punished myself by coming back there. I punished myself for what? Maybe for growing too fast compared to these idiots? By living what life should be like? I don’t feel linked to these people at all but maybe there is an animal part in that sees the country as its territory so I came back to it..? All I know is that I feel like crap being there and it’s getting worse everyday. It’s not so much that I feel like crap inside but it’s the environment. I feel like running away but the lack of money scares me in the sense that I am afraid of coming back just like I did a few times in the past. If I had money I’d be gone as I am typing these words!

My building. For a year and a half I have been living in a building of poor people, retarded people, ghosts who we never hear, young people who live like old people, and a wacko concierge ( the super) who tried to kick me out by messing with me anyway he can because I some days live like a normal person… He thinks he rules the building and controls everything. He has the brain of a mouse and tells everyone what to do. The idiots mostly follow his rules. He feels like slapping me. I feel like shooting him. Next door to me I have a Portuguese alcoholic housecleaner who wakes me up every night because she doesn’t sleep much and cleans and does who knows what except reading and stay quiet in the middle of the night. She is a worm. I have nothing against housecleaners. They can be respectable people just like any other profession , but not this one.

walking the dogs around the village…. I was walking through this forsaken village on the hill over the lake. Great view” I said on my first day there and I maintain there is a nice view. I don’t always realize the amount of beautiful homes there are in this village. It’s even more disgusting to know that these filthy people who try little shits in my back to make their message clear that I was never welcome there with a dog of a breed they don’t like. I not only got their message from the beginning, even if back then I was so cheerful I used to still say hello to everyone even if they didn’t answer. I have changed from someone who was willing to make an effort to the point where I feel like shooting most of these people! They live in gorgeous homes ( close to each other but they like that these fucks), with a great view on the lake and the Alps, and they go out of their way to mess with a woman’s life, a poor woman may I add ( I live in a tiny studio with a small window and definitely no view, not even sun in the day time! Northern exposure) , just because she has got a certain breed of dog. I have grown to despise those people for that bare fact. With my personality I could have looked for trouble, had guys over, have mini parties lots of music. But I came to a village because I wanted peace! Right! These people have tried everything to kick me out, to make me feel so uncomfortable that I would cry and leave. What they don’t know is that they have given birth to a baby called Hatred. Whether they know about that hatred or not, they think I will loose it in some way and either they’ll call the cops or they’ll see me leave because I can’t take it anymore. Well, I do want to leave, trust me, but my baby Hatred wants to do a drive by shooting aiming at all the fucks who have messed with me in any way. The one and only thing that is stopping me is my dogs. I love them and I won’t be on the run with them. Now I am getting to a point where I am almost not able to control myself and feel the hatred wants to come alive. So I will have to leave, but I plan on coming back if my dogs die, which people should pray that they never do.

It’s one thing to have ghetto people, or black people in Harlem hate my guts for being there and being white. Most of those haters are not wealthy and go through discrimination themselves when they go to Manhattan or to work everyday in a white neighborhood. I didn’t like how they made me feel but looking back, they don’t have the life they want and they are frustrated; it’s easy to hate and I understand it. Just like it’s easy to hate for me now, I am poor and frustrated to be stuck in Switzerhell. But these rich people who have 2 million dollar houses with expensive cars and everything they want, being so vicious and stepping on people’s life just because they don’t like the breed of dog they have… Think about it! Imagine what they feel when they don’t like your skin color. It’s not like rich people all over the world don’t give a crap about poor people, but they don’t waste their time destroying their lives just because of the breed of their dogs!!! If at least the dog had shown any kind of aggression, then it would be different! I understand hating someone for something they did or that happened because of them, but the hatred of these Swiss people ( and the foreigners who decide to live there always have something in common with the Swiss) is pathetic and makes me want to destroy that part of the world. Just like terrorists shouldn’t exist, the Swiss who want to break their neighbors ‘ lives, especially the poor people because the rich feel the poor can’t do much against them . Why? because most of the poor people in that country are idiots who can’t get a job , really very retarded people, or foreigners who came from poor countries ( Eastern European countries and some African countries) and who cops beat up every chance they get!

Italians : I have a weakness for Italians, but I must talk about the ones who live there in Switzerland: They don’t like the Swiss but they live there because either they work there and they love to go home and say : I work in Switzerland ( the image of Switzerland is still so good that even the surrounding countries see it as a higher standard because more rich people live there). But the Italians stay together , don’t mix with the Swiss . And they love to talk really loud in public. It’s not because they can’t help it, it’s their culture anymore as they have been living in Switzerhell for so long. But they want to scream to the world that they are not Swiss, they are Italian! Which is great but they overdo it and they talk about people out loud as if no one speaks Italian! Plus they know that when they are in a group the Swiss will never talk back at them even if they are insulting the Swiss or other cultures. Yes living in Switzerland does not make you smarter but come on! Don’t make a fool of yourself just because you hate the place because I could do a lot of that too!

　

All the foreigners who live in Switzerhell for a long time basically resemble the Swiss in one way or another. There is such scum energy in Switzerland that it’s very difficult for me to keep my spirit, positive energy and good faith. I have been fighting this Swiss hostile, negative, ugly and disgusting energy for all the years I came back to live in Switzerhell, because I thought it couldn’t be that bad and my positive nature was always hoping that I would find a place in the country where I could be happy, or happier. The truth is it’s beautiful to be optimistic, but there are no places in Switzerhell where the energy is clear and bright. I have been fighting to keep my sanity, trying not to think about murder every day. I have put too much energy to fight that ugly place, and I am not talking about the land! The land didn’t do anything to me. The problem the Swiss have with me ultimately, is that I have a huge amount of freedom in me which they don’t have. They don’t like that in me. I know them, they hate a lot of people and want to see them dead. The Swiss live with that. They don’t act on it most of the time ( otherwise Switzerland would be a war zone), because they have been taught to be scared, and most of all they don’t have the freedom in their mind to actually think they could do it and survive it ( killing the ones they hate). I have their hatred, even if I am trying to get rid of it because I know that spending my time and thoughts on them is a waste of my life, but every time one drives me nuts, or tries something on me, I recall all the fucks who I despise, and who have messed with me and to whom I haven’t done anything, and it hurts. But The fact that I have that freedom of mind which they don’t have, makes me more dangerous than them. I don’t feel especially good about that, but it’s a fact. I want to kill many of them, and I can. The only thing that’s stopping me are my dogs. Unfortunately for them, dogs don’t live as long as humans…. Killing humans is as much of big deal for me as killing an animal. When an animal attacks someone, it is self defense to kill it. Can I tell you the amounts of animals getting killed for no reason in the world???? I try not to think about it.

Truth is killing is too easy. Someone once said hell is on earth. Well yes for a lot of people and animals! Take someone’s life and you’re doing them a favor. But make them suffer, pain is the best remedy for assholes. So many times, I feel like killing because it’s like deleting, making them disappear, go away forever. Well, killing is really helping the Swiss person , and then I’d have to pay for it ? No thanks. Hurting people takes time and energy. Do it right, don’t get caught. It’s a drag. The bare fact that I wish a lot of Swiss people ( mostly the ones who have interfered in my life because of my dogs) were dead, is an insult that should hurt them. If I tell them I want them dead, they laugh. A woman talks a lot, she gets emotional, but she doesn’t do anything, they think. They have hurt me because I am over sensitive, and because when you’re alone, you tend to be forced to listen to whatever comments the idiots make on the street ( putting an Ipod on is dangerous when you know how these people drive!). They have gotten to me also because I am frustrated as it is to be stuck with them, in their country. A Spanish student of mine ( I was teaching French) once told me that he thought it was disgusting to hear a person talk about her own people in such a bad way. He was young and his level of French was good enough that we would have long conversations about everything and we were both open about sharing our feelings on many things. He had just gotten to Switzerhell and didn’t know much about the Swiss except what he had heard which was a lot of good, like most people outside the country ( thanks to that great marketing team who sell Switzerland like a bitter chocolate wrapped in pretty paper). I understood what he was saying and didn’t take it as an insult at all. Truth is I don’t feel Swiss at all. Ever since I left home when I was 17, I have become one of those American immigrants. Sure I didn’t take the right steps to get my papers in order to stay there, but the people I feel closest to in general are either Americans or immigrants from all over the world who decided to live in the United States. This Spanish guy had a point, plus he was Catalan, so his people mean a lot to him. He is politically active in his region and I understood where he was coming from. Of course it’s sad for me not to be able to like or love the country I was born in. Had my mother not brought me to the US when I was 12, I would have learned to deal with Switzerhell probably. Is it good or bad that she took me to the Unites States? I don’t know. If I get to go back and be happy, then it was good. If I am stuck there forever, broke and frustrated, then it wasn’t good.

I am Swiss. HELP! ( Chapter 3)

When I was 12, my mother took a sabbatical year and decided to take herself and me to brush up on our German in Germany for 3 months and then to the US for 6 months. We had never been to the US before. As primitive Swiss, we hadn’t seen anything except Italy , which hadn’t been bad for every single summer vacation, but going to the US was daring for a woman like my mother. She didn’t speak good English at all. I spoke none. She was very criticized by Swiss people for wanting do such a thing. Obviously it was nor common nor within the customs to go to live an a foreign country for half a year, much less as a single woman with her 12 year old child. I missed a year of school but I probably learned more than I ever had in Swiss schools, within the 6 months in the US. The first couple of months, it was exciting to be in a new country with new food, new people. Then I got to the point where I missed home, the stupid Swiss settled back in my brain and I wanted to go home to what I knew. It wasn’t until I went to camp for a week, away from my mother, that I started feeling very good in the US. Even if I did through some uncomfortable times when the kids at camp were outraged when I was saying that I hadn’t been to Yosemite, or the Grand Canyon, or LA. I spoke English enough by then to have kids believe I was living in the US, so they just thought I had never been anywhere. Well they were kids! At camp I started dreaming in English for the first time. It was good. We hugged trees, hiked, played, talked about our feelings which was a whole new concept for me, coming from Switzerhell! Needless to say I did more listening than talking.

After camp I started officially feeling at home in the US. I started loving the city. There was this Swiss woman ( maybe 30 years old) at the international residence where we were living, who would always want to hang out with me. My mother was spending time with her Brazilian boyfriend. That Swiss lady was as pathetic as she would have been in Switzerland. She was trying to be young and cool and it wasn’t working. I was enjoying her company because she was older, had money, was acting like a silly kid, but why was she enjoying mine? Coming from Switzerhell, living momentarily in one the best cities in the world… And there she was , hanging with a 12 year old! Anyway, going back to Switzerhell after that 6 months experience was dreadful. Aside from the vicious jealous kids who didn’t really want to hear my stories, I did find a friend in an Irish girl whose family had moved to Switzerland 10 years earlier. So I tried to make miserable Swiss life work, by studying more ( I got to be first of my class) , then going out more, to cafés and dance clubs ( no age limit back then ). Anyway I couldn’t get myself distracted enough to want to stay in the country. So at 17 years old, I had gotten some money from my father’s death, and decided that life was short and that I needed to go back to the US. And I did. Alone.

So here I was, 17 years old, in the US by myself. Coming from a country where cows are as smarter than citizens, I had no armor, no strength, no brains and definitely no street smart abilities. I guess I used up all my luck back then because when I think what could have happened to me, I think it was pretty amazing that not only have I been put next to good people who helped me and didn’t try to break me, as Swiss people would have done, but also I was lucky enough not to meet too many psychopaths… I knew I didn’t want to try drugs, because I had read a book ( L’Herbe Bleue) when I was little and it scared me ( some parents didn’t let their young children read that, but my mother did and it helped scare me ). Aside from being around guys who smoked pot and hanging out in reggae clubs, I didn’t go looking for trouble. I had been a good kid and I was a sad but great teenager becoming an adult. My only problem was that I was too close to my mother. She was my only family and I was listening to her from the US even more than when I was in Switzerhell. So I went to college because that’s what she said I should do. She used to use my father and say: ” your father would have wanted you to go to university”. Not that it was a mistake for me to go to school but I didn’t know what I wanted to do really. I was this lost Swiss girl with at least an open mind but nothing else, no passion, no real interest. Growing up in Switzerhell you get no motivation from society. In the US there was too much motivation for too many things. I wanted to act, but my mother said it was safer to go to university so I did. I went to SF State. I started to take dance lessons a few times a week. I had already been into aerobics for several years but dancing was more creative. Some teachers actually encouraged me and said that I was good. As a Swiss, you’re never told that you’re good, at anything. As a kid or an adult, people don’t praise you, don’t give compliments, don’t encourage you. They only tell you what’s wrong, what you shouldn’t do. Even parents don’t motivate and encourage their children by giving them compliments. So I thought I must really be a good dancer since people I didn’t know told me that I was good… The fact that I loved dancing a lot added to me wanting to dance for a living. I remember I called my mother one night after a great dance class where I had some kind of revelation, a great feeling that it was the best thing I had ever felt. So I called her ( collect) and told her how great I felt and that I should just dance, take classes and then later on work as a dancer. She totally went nuts and started yelling and calling me stupid! So that broke my natural high and revelation feeling, and I let her hurt me by listening to her telling me that the feeling I had was nothing but “vacation” feeling and that I had to work to get somewhere in life, and not fall for “good” feelings! Sometimes, we let people do things to us. Guilt, need for love, whatever, . I was young and I didn’t have the guts to go against her, to hang up on her, especially so far away where I missed her. I was almost 18 and had some money from my father which I used for university . As a stupid Swiss, I didn’t know what I wanted, I was so excited to be in the US. I totally messed up on university. I changed major about 4 times in 3 years, and never finished the 4th. But because I didn’t take a shot at what I really wanted to do at that age, I always had dancing come in the way of everything I later did. I was always, as a friend used to say a ” half-ass dancer”, and will always be for the rest of my life.

I had learned so much, had come so far from the dull Swiss girl, I didn’t have it in me to cut the cord from my mother. She was my only family, my rock. I couldn’t see the “not good” in her.

She was my mother and my only connection to what I thought was closeness. In reality my mother and I are not close. In my early teenage years, she acted like my friend. She was a buddy more than a mother, which some psychologists say made me the mother of the two. I have this bond with her that has nothing to do with love. It’s not the blood bond either. It’s more like a guilt bond. She or I feel guilty so there is that guilt bond. That’s what I feel anyway. I don’t get along with her. Well she is Swiss, and even if she got crazy for half a year in 1984 to take us to the US , that didn’t change how Swiss she is. I changed a lot during these 6 months because I was young and in need of a change since my father had died a few years earlier. I left Switzerhell as a sad child and came back as a confident young teenager. My mother didn’t change as a person. Our 6 months experience was material for her to talk about in Switzerhell, for the next 10 years. The Swiss will live abroad for a bit and register events in their minds but learn nothing from them. After our 6 months in the US, I had learned among other things, to talk about my feelings. my mother didn’t go to the school I went to of course, but I thought I could make her talk more, by opening up to her and telling her a lot about me. I did that for a long time. Her Swiss brain is so glued and stuck on its usual automatic closed drive. I could never have her open up and talk. I play her game. It’s the Swiss way, really. Live and pretend that everything is great. I am sensitive so I can feel that it’s not a sane relationship, but that works for her, so I am playing along. I know my mother is one of the reasons why so many times in the US I have boycotted good opportunities. I am not putting the blame on her. It’s me who won’t let go of the guilt, guilt that says I am not supposed to do too well and leave her behind. She likes to be the queen. As much as I wanted to act and be a movie star, I don’t have that need to be the queen. I want what I want, that’s my caveat. But I have always kept that bond with my mother, that bond that has kept me down, where she loves me most.

Well I guess my mother did her best as a Swiss mother. She could have been better, or worse. She brought me to the US, when I was 12, which was young enough to let that American culture sink in me. That first time in a US city, and then when I lived there alone when I was 17, 18, 19, 20, got a load of American freedom inside of me. It was big for a Swiss person. But I wasn’t me yet. I needed more to realize things, and to get to the core of me. I therefore made a lot of mistakes. I could have done much better for myself had I had the awareness that I needed to be totally freed from that old Swiss filth in me. My choices were based on what I thought I had become, me, a smarter me, a better me. That was true but as a Swiss, one needs a mountain to get out of the ancestral stupidity. It took years in the US to learn more about myself, to learn more about life. But it wasn’t until my dogs came along that I started freeing myself of the deep Swiss gong. My first dog Shiva is a little dog. He taught me love, slowly, day after day. My second dog Shadow came into my life and he taught me strength and how pathetic these Swiss people really are. It must sound silly. I am not totally free yet, but I am close to it. My dogs are old and I realize the job they have done on me. I am me. All I need now is money to leave Switzerhell for good. I need the tools to physically get out of that country for good, because in my mind I am rid of this Swiss thing. But I am stuck there because of the lack of money. Oh I know everyone has that same story: the need for money. But when I know that I have reached a point of being me for real, being rid of that Swiss scum which I still see around me everywhere I go, since I am still in the country, it’s frustration at its deepest. I am just missing the will power to attract the money I need. I believe the ones who say there is no dream that may not come true. But I just can’t get in touch with the power that I have, that all humans have. The smart ones know how to use it well to get what they want. I am not super smart but I feel I should be able to tap into that power because I have seen it in action. I have gotten what I wanted a few times even if the odds were small. I just didn’t do it on purpose, I don’t remember what and how I did it. The European thought and mentality is “when you least look for it, it comes to you, so stop hoping”, and the American way is more ” don’t give up on your dreams”. I like the American way better. Wanting something and meaning it should make it happen. The problem with Europeans is that when they want something, they still carry that deep negative thinking along with their wishes. The negative thinking goes like this: ” stop dreaming, it can’t really come true” or ” it’s just a dream”. I got rid of the Swiss filth, but I am not sure I am free from all European mentalities. As a kid I often thought I was French, because of the language, or Italian, because of the every year vacationing in Italy. The old continent has this rock reality mentality that induces pessimism. One person dreams about something, you have ten people around to tell that person that she or he is dreaming and that she or he should concentrate on what’s real and possible, that’s what smart people do… I think I am still trapped in there, living there among these negative people. I cry when I read the Secret or other American self-help books. I cry because I believe or I want to believe, so badly! I am so good at visualizing what I want. I can do that all day long every day. I just can’t take the next step to make it happen!

Truth is human brains work differently and it takes sometimes more than a lifetime to figure how yours works. So of course I am missing something. We all dream of getting what we want. And since sometimes it happens, we think there must be a rule that works for all, all the time. It’s a nice thought. Everybody works differently. Cultures think differently as a whole too. There are set ways to act or not act in different countries. Those are serious things, customs, much like religion. Humans get very upset if you mess with their ways, or even if you contradict. Sometimes it’s better to shut up. Humans are complicated because of the actual complicated patterns they install in their brains. Most of the time, they can’t handle the pattern they install. So imagine the Swiss who are more pathetic than normal humans, and who think they know everything when they don’t even know themselves. That’s what I mean when I say that cows are smarter than the Swiss. Cows lead a simple life without pretension. They know what they want. They know their place in the barn. They know how to have fun even. They are smart like that. Well we always say dogs are stupid compared to humans. I don’t know, think of your brain being trapped in a dog’s body. You can’t talk, can’t hold things the same way as a human can, with your paws. You can’t scratch your back with your own paws. You understand these humans most of the time but they can’t understand you. Let’s see how frustrating that is! And how smart you can appear then.

Cultures are very different for the smallest things sometimes. I saw this candid camera show on French TV. They were showing the same candid hidden camera joke in France and in Canada. It was in a bar, cafe. People were sitting at the bar, drinking. Three strangers. One leaves money to pay for his coffee near the cup on the counter. He also leaves gloves which means he is not leaving yet. He goes to the bathroom. The person sitting next to the person next to him steals some of that money the other guy had left to pay for his coffee. The person in the middle is the “punked” person who doesn’t know anything about the game. In France she or he stays quiet when the person steals, every time. In Canada the person in the middle doesn’t let the guy steal that money, ever…. Differences in cultures….

I can only feel hatred for these Swiss people because any alternative would be a lie to myself and my fair beliefs of justice in human kind. It’s like all the evil people of the world who have no conscience and the ability to feel great despite their criminal actions. For those of you who don’t believe these people exist ( I know some of you believe that all people feel pain when they have done evil but that’s wishful thinking), go live in Switzerhell and melt into society, get to know the heart of them, all over the country. You’ll see the kind of evil deeds they can commit and still feel satisfied with themselves. It’s almost the bad side of the LAw of attraction. The Swiss feel ok with whatever crap they pull on other people. Since they hurt others to punish them most of the time, they feel good about everything. So they attract more feeling ok about everything they do. The hypocrisy, the hidden crimes in that country while keeping the image of peace, beauty of the land and great happy thoughts for themselves. Happy thoughts is relative to what they can feel as “happy”, but it is a good thing for them. In Switzerhell scumbags are everywhere. You could say that scumbags attract scumbags. That worked for that country. The thing that bothers me is that even if guilt was present in the past, in order to keep people from doing too much evil to each other, guilt is fading now. The Swiss have become experts on putting guilt on others, and making them pay, maybe to appease their guilt… Switzerhell is the royal place for all criminals of all sorts, big or small, who feel no guilt. All such people of the world attract each other in that rat hole. Switzerland is a scum scum place, with blind thoughts to create their chocolate coated lives. If life is a law of attraction, then I’ll be miserable forever, because yes I see the pain, mine and everyone else’s , the animals’. There is so much scum human blood that I try to stay away from them to breathe properly. I have a sensitive nose. Who would hate the people from the place one comes from? It happens. There is a saying somewhere that says: ” your worst enemies are the ones closest to you”. Well, sometimes it’s because you know them best. And in my case, growing up I didn’t know there were other people out there, that were better as humans, nicer, more open to growing, evolving as individuals. Life with both my parents , I saw and learned that even my parents were not that strong in society and there were people who could get away with criminal acts while we had to follow the rules.. I wasn’t sure how it worked but I learned that was the way it was and asking too many questions was not safe. Later on, living with my mother only taught me that life as women is much less safe than with men. My mother also showed me that when under any kind of attack, women better hide than scream, better shut their mouth than tell.

When I went to the US, I discovered new ideas, new ways of thinking. Wowoa, was that possible? My mother who I listened to since she was my only family, always reminded me that I should be careful not to believe in Father Christmas. This expression meant that I had to do what I could and learn the most I could but not believe in the impossible. I was taking acting classes and she said it was fine but I could never have it as my profession. When I took dance classes, she said I shouldn’t waste my money on that. My mother said that to me on the phone, because unfortunately I cared about her opinion. I had no role model, no peer. So I listened. Life is how it is. The Swiss live like animals in a way. They follow the weather and their destiny, as mediocre as it can be. They don’t create their own destiny. They don’t even think it’s possible. Well they don’t believe in helping people up when they fall on the street, so how could they possibly imagine that their little minds could create anything? But that is the least of their tars.

When some authors and speakers say that we have limited views and ideas installed in our brains from society and our surroundings from the day we learn how to communicate, they are extremely right about countries like Switzerhell. Society teaches people how few possibilities they have in life, how many things are impossible, even if they clearly are possible. Just by living in the US for 10 months when I was 17, I already discovered that life had many more possibilities that I had been told, even if my mother was there on the phone to keep my mental boundaries clear and strong. But it helped me to hear about a wider range of everything. Until the age of 38, I still carried those deep boundaries that had been taught to me by my most precious family members and other people I can’t think of. I couldn’t let that go. Once you realize that your subconscious is that contaminated, you have to try to save yourself before you realize you have given your life to others and not in a good helping way.

Talk about contamination, it seems that the Swiss feel it when you are getting happy and lifting your spirits. They will be there showing up to try to break them. I remember living in the US and noticing when people get happy, whether it was me or someone else, people are drawn to them maybe because they want some happy vibes too, but especially to congratulate them on their happy vibes and high spirits, and encourage them to keep that up! That doesn’t exist in primitive countries like Switzerhell. The fact that Switzerhell is not considered primitive is what troubles me the most and worries me about the world. If the world is so blinded by that old Swiss image of perfection, then how is the world supposed to move in the right direction? When only Libya which is not a role model for the world, can see the filth of Switzerland , thanks to one incident where the son of the Libyan leader was arrested in his hotel after a statement of his maids. When only a man like Iran’s president had the guts to speak out about the way women are treated in Switzerhell, when interviewed about the treatment of women in his own country, I think it is sad. I am not a fan of institutions which make their women wear veils and give them little rights in society, but at least those people are honest and don’t hide the facts about women from the world. Some Swiss have said I was a feminist. Well aside from their ignorance and stupidity, when a woman has been bullied by men as an adult and can’t do anything about it because of not the laws, because they exist in books but the fact that the laws are not respected when it comes to women. That doesn’t make me a feminist because if I was, I should think I would act for the cause, rally, write to government officials, etc. My cause are dogs and particular breeds that are not only being hated in Switzerland but being killed by the dozen, in shelters and other places. Dog fighting is a big issue and many coutries take actions to stop that phenomenon. Well how about people in rich nations straight up killing packs of dogs of the “wrong” breeds. Don’t other countries know? Well it’s because the great image of Switzerland and everyone around the world has put Switzerland in a little box that says: beautiful and perfect. Wake up people!!!I am against dog fighting because people who do that kind of thing are dealers, illegal money makers, etc. They mistreat their dogs to make them ill-aggressive. I am not against a regulated dog sports institution which would make the dogs athletes just like the cow fights, horse races or greyhounds races, even if I am not a fan of all those activities, but in the name of “it’s better to train an animal and work with it daily than leave it in a yard by itself”, I am not against making animals work. There are so many dogs out there who are mistreated, including a lot of dogs who “look” like they are well treated in a nice family…. We all know what can go on in “nice” families, and I know what goes on in busy , hectic, emotionally unstable or psychologically slightly disturbed homes, when at the same time these households appear to be functioning beautifully. Dogs are not human toys! It’s bad enough they are distractions, security guards and emotional sponges . But rarely are dogs treated with respect all their lives!! Face it! Work closely with animal control, or go out and make friends with lots of people who have dogs. That is more or less the same in every country. In North America the majority of people are more respectful towards animals than the rest of the world, but there is that minority which is a big part as well which can not function well themselves and get dogs which they end up mistreating. Switzerhell, being such a small and rich country, you would think that at least dogs would be treated well there. They are not.

I don’t have Swiss friends in Switzerhell but there are people I talk to often, people who I see for x and y reason, like this woman in Lausanne with 2 big dogs. I met her once in the woods. One of her dogs is a young Cane Corso mix, the other an old German Shepard. Thanks to the fact that her Cane Corso is a mix, he doesn’t put people off because most of them can’t tell what he is. He is also young and very playful. The German Shepard is old but still going strong. Because I like walking with those dogs and have enjoyed our walks. She liked calling me to go for walks together to get some tips on training her Cane Corso. I didn’t tell her that there was a whole of work to do and that she would probably have problems with the dog because she hadn’t started training earlier. At least that woman has a family with kids who are teenagers and so at least the dog is very well socialized, since their apartment is always full of people. But the other day she calls me and tells me that they are getting rid of the old German Shepard. The father was driving the dog to the pound that night. I tried to get some sense into her stupid Swiss head and give her advice since she said that the neighbors had written to the real estate agency of the building and that people were complaining about the 2 dogs, and especially the Shepard barking. So the family keeps the young dog and throws away the old one. Instead of trying to train her or take steps so that she couldn’t bark or put her in a kennel when she barked, or this or that. There are many things they could have tried. That woman told me she had tried to “train” her not to bark, and it had worked a bit but not enough. And she said it was too much and the family couldn’t handle her anymore. So they are getting rid of this old dog who had been living with this family since she was a puppy. They are keeping the big one year old Cane Corso because she said they are so attached to him… Of course I cried and still do when I think of these filthy filthy people who had a dog in their apartment, as a member of the family and because of training issues, they get rid of this dog who knows nothing else but their living room. Its not like the dog was alone all day and couldn’t be controlled or trained. I just get so upset at that human filth! I could add that these people go to church every Sunday. Say it with me: “yuck!” I also offered to take the dog for a while and try to find someone to take her long term. Shiva didn’t really like her so I wouldn’t keep her long term. These people said it was too complicated and they preferred going to the SPA ( ASPCA). Dogs are helpless, they can’t defend themselves, they have no say in anything. They are creatures of our fancies. At least cats can get some independence when they get to go outside. To finish my story about these disgusting Swiss: These people had no excuse, no valuable cause to get rid of their dog except their stupidity of not wanting to make the effort to change things around the house so that the dog wouldn’t bark and make the neighbors crazy (….). These people are not poor. The wife doesn’t work, aside from taking care of the kids ( grown teenagers) and the house, well and the dogs. The husband works. I actually thought I was spending time with a woman who was taking good care of her dogs. When we would go for walks, I wasn’t fond of talking to her about life or other than dog- things since I have little in common with the Swiss ways of thinking, but I could definitely bear her presence and talks. I didn’t see it coming. I thought I had one of the few decent, hard working mothers around that country. But no , she , they turned out to be crap just like the rest…

Even the people who tell you they love animals. I came across this lady who told me she rescued animals left and right. I saw her again on the sidewalk, talking to a girl about the fact that she rescued animals all the time… She walks around with her one dog, and tells people she rescues animals and she loves them so. I saw her once at the SPA ( ASPCA), where she came to walk a dog. The only volunteering people can do is walking a dog or two during opening hours which are 2 to 5 pm. So she comes there once in a while to walk this one dog she likes. The staff has asked her if she wanted to adopt the dog. She said that she didn’t think that her dog would get along with this one. Had she tried to have them meet? No. She told me about this one bird she saved, after a bunch of kids had shoved whatever non-edible material down the bird’s throat. She brought a dog to the police one day because she couldn’t find the owner. People who brag are usually the ones who accomplish the least. She was more into talking to people about how much she loves animals and that she would rescue them all the time, but she really didn’t give much of her time to animals. She was an older unemployed woman. I don’t know if there was a husband at home I didn’t ask, but the amount of time that she spent bragging was even too much for her poor dog that would wait beside her. It was an older dog and I could tell she didn’t want to stand in place in the snow for hours while her owner was bragging away. The lady also told me that she thought that female dogs should be sterilized but males shouldn’t be castrated. Typical Swiss chauvinist thought. She obviously learned that from a man , but believed in it firmly, as she was explaining why. I couldn’t listen. I was pretending to, but upset at that thought of these people who supposedly loved animals, was tearing my hopes that a few people in Switzerhell were on dogs’ side for real. Dogs fight all the time on the street. People hold their dogs strong on leashes, but all these unfixed dogs, plus the habits that the Swiss have to take their dog and run when they see another dog doesn’t help to socialize the animals.

The Swiss can’t stand their neighbors to be happy, and they can’t stand their dogs to be happier than them either. The Swiss will never take their dog on a walk, just for the happiness of the dog. They don’t want their dog to pee in the house so they take it outside. Most people just walk around the corner. The few people who go for longer walks are the ones who need the exercice. It’s for them, not for the dog. In Switzerhell when they stop to let their dog snif another, as soon as they’re playing, they call their dog. Why would they wait for their dog while she or he is playing? At home they have all the rules backwards, they let their dogs eat first, go on the couch, etc. The dog thinks she or he is the master in the house, but doesn’t get to have some real doggy time outside, socializing, playing. The Swiss hate it when their dog is happier than them. I have seen people whose dogs were happy to see people in the hallway ( and the people would pet the dog), yell at their dog every time, to come back to them quickly and then slap the dog..

I know people from the United States and Canada don’t have that national need to be happier than their neighbors. The worse Americans and Canadians do is not care about their neighbors but they certainly don’t waste their time and energy hating people they know because of the happiness they enjoy. I am saying Americans and Canadians, but I should probably include lots of other countries that I don’t know so much about. Primitive tribes and cavemen are known to flop to happy people, wanna be around them, celebrate them, even want them to be their leaders. The Swiss see happier people as a threat, and therefore emanate hatred for whoever is happier. The Swiss have more hatred for someone who is happier than them than someone who is richer. Whoever is richer inspires fear. The Swiss know that the richer have more power so if at any time they should hate one who is richer, they certainly won’t show it, and wouldn’t take any risks backstabbing them, unless they’re really sure of their dirty deed. The Swiss hates seeing someone happy. It goes back to the idea that life is tough, and whoever is happy has to be scamming others. What makes a person happy is to be able to get away with “murder” while others can’t. It’s that whole Christian root as well, of having to feel guilty if you’re happier than others and therefore if you are happy, you should not show it and you should definitely feel guilty for it. So if you feel happy and you show it, you should be punished by God. And the Swiss take “godly” action themselves very easily. They don’t do it in your face because it’s dangerous for them. A happy person could retaliate, as a desperate person who is powerless in society wouldn’t. Or at least that ‘s the old-fashion view of things. The Swiss are a people who for a long time thought in the same ways, acted and behaved the same. I believe some of their most pathetic hatred comes from the fact that some people act differently than them nowadays, whether those people are Swiss who have lived in different countries or foreigners immigrating to Switzerhell. However immigration is not new, Swiss people travelling , living abroad and coming back isn’t either. I know the Swiss are slow and it takes them years to adapt to something new. Unless they could somehow change that new thing back to how it was before, they are refusing to adapt. It’s like they have this big wall between change and themselves. They don’t want to see the change, and they surely don’t want to have to change in way. Their life is the way it is. It makes the Swiss very predictable. Even when they backstab you, when they hide to do something to you when you are not around, if you know people’s schedules, you can more or less know who it was. They love to be on time. Being on time with everything from meetings to their own habits. I could say the only thing they don’t do consistently is walk their dog. They’ll be on time everyday as long as it doesn’t rain or snow. It’s like when it rains or snows in Switzerhell, dogs all of a sudden don’t have to pee…

Swiss people are lazy, lazy to work, lazy to have fun and lazy to live. There is a dullness in these people that is gruesome. They find their comfort in their comfortable apartments , houses and in their regulated habitual lifestyles. It comes down to that. I am not saying that the Swiss are simple because that much hatred doesn’t come from simplicity and kindness! The Swiss are as complicated as any other human being, but their favorite word is “no”. They refuse change, refuse novelty. They refuse to try something new . One thing that they love to try though and that can be considered new is going to see psychics and all kinds of odd spiritual healers. Some will tell you it’s all bogus, but there is a vast amount of people who secretly or not, go to see psychics, because in that field and in that field only can they acknowledge their ignorance. They know everything about everything otherwise, but in that sector, they realize that they don’t know and if only that could help them…

There is a guy who is famous in the French part of Switzerhell, who is a healer, miracle maker. A friend of mine went to see him when he had a big conference in Geneva. He then took people in the back one by one, and charged them a hundred francs for a 2 minutes chat. My friend told me that the guy told him some true stuff about him so he was impressed. So I got an appointment with the witch-guy and had all kinds of hope. When I saw the guy, met him and felt his energy, I could tell right away that he was a scam. Swiss man, with an overloaded confidence which worked with most people because he doesn’t give room for doubt and fear. The placebo effect here is at its best. People who have gone to him and been cured should give themselves some credit! This guy is the worst clown ever! I have met very grounded and spiritual people who have who give off a vibe of a mystical nature or a real good confidence in life, which has made me think that maybe just maybe these people could have good intentions. There are people who exert a lot of positive energy and if you’re around them and let the energy flow and accept it, it will flow to you and might cure something in you. I am not an expert in supernatural laws and powers, but I know there are way too many people who scam others by taking their money and giving them nothing at all. If the placebo effect works, great but if it doesn’t, it’s robbery. It happens all over the world, but in Switzerhell, the pricks don’t even try to give off some positive energy. Well because it’s not in them, it’s not their fault. Or is it?